The Hay Diaries
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19 Dec, 05 > 25 Dec, 05
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Friday, 11 June 2004
Day Six /Sixth Strand
You know, habbin Babby aroun is geddin to be wun ob "Dose" fings. I'd fortygotted whut it was wike, waitin fora babby to ged Intellygint. Bud dis is wike a chronic twain wreck dat just keeps on happinin - da engins hab alweddy met an da cars just keep on collwidin inna nebber-endin wine, wun rite afta anudder.

Babby isn't stoopid, it's just dat he issn Intellygint yet. It's cos he'ssa babby. We just habba wait it oud.

Furst fing Maman an Dadda noticed aboud dis kid was dat he didn't know whutta "tweat" was. Dey offered him carrots, appuls, papaya tablets, Craisins, nanners, an ebberyfing else dat Maman calls "junk food" which da rest ob us lub, an he jus wooked all perplexed an suspishus addid. An weft it wyin onna floor - which issa waste obba perfectwy good tweat dat ennywun obba rest ob us wuld lub to hab, bud wasn't offered, you know? (An don gedda idea datta bunny is ebber "too full" to scarf down dat wun extry mouf-ful, cos we aren't.)

So rite away, cos da Babby doesn't know whutta tweat is, he's god Maman feelin sowwy for him.

Poor depribed widdle bunny, hasn't nebber seed a tweat! Poor widdle bunny-boy! Wet's offer him wots!

An she does.

Well, hokay, I'm all for sharin an it's nod wike we don't hab it to share. Bud dis gibbin is nod goin to make Babby Intellygint. Dis is jus gonna make him spoilt.

Den Maman finks datta Babby wooks bored.

Well, I gots dis wun werked oud. Dis Babby issa babby an babbys don know much, so ob course dey are bored. Until dey become Intellygint an kin habba blog an all, dey is bound to be bored.

Bud Maman is big innu keepin ebberybun amused. So she goes toda store an now da Babby hassa habbytat fulla toys.

New toys.

We still god our reg'lar toys, an onwy Missy geds her rotated onna weekwy basis, cos Maman is 'fraid ob Missy geddin bored.

Newsflash to Maman: Missy is now Intellygint. She's god alla toys memorized, so dey are nodda surprize ebbery week when you switch dem off.

Geez.

So wast nite, we god our salads an our witter-boxes changed an Maman was inna bafroom pwace habbin fun wif wadder an Beebe stawts to thump. Den Missy thumps.

Bud Maman can't hear ennyfing cos she's innu da wadder.

Den dere issa crash anna WOTTA thumpin goin on. Inkloodin me. An when I thump, Maman AN Dadda wistins.

So Dadda comes chargin frumma bedroom in his unnerwear, an heer comes Maman smellin wike a hextploshun inna herb faktory - all honey, almonds, mints an aloe. (Stuff on her face, her hands, teef an Hebbin knows where else...)

An da wight snaps on...

An when our eyes adjust toda hunnert-watt artyfishul daywight obba wight, an we aren't all bwind ennymore, dere's Babby, twyin his best to fit six pounds ob bunny fru a free-inch hole innu Missy's habbytat.

An dere's Missy, wif her butt inna corner, wookin fora way oud da udder end.

An Maman squeeks, "George!" (Cos she finks dat's Babby's name.)

An Babby is wike, "Oh good Lord, where am I?"

An Missy is wike, "Oh good Lord, let me out!"

An I'm wike, "Sumbunny gedda idiots sorted oud cos I wanna go to sleep!"

An Hunny is ober on his hay-pile wike, "Huh?"

An Beebe an Mouse are struttin, cos dere wike dat an Clover has da same 'pinion dat I do.

Whut had happined was datta Babby jumped outta his habbytat an falled onna floor. Which issn all dat easy, cossa sides obba habbytat are preddy high - 24 inches, Dadda says. Preddy good for a standin leap, bud Missy's dun it bifore.

So onct Babby had gotted oud, an Maman an Dadda comed poundin forda door, an turned onna wight an blinded ebberywun, Babby panicked, god himself turned aroun an twied to ged inna habbytat wif Missy outta sheer desparatshun.

So Maman piked him up an set him down in his own habbytat an Dadda godda piece ob wattice an pud id onna toppa Babby's habbytat so he wuld "Stay Pud" durin da nite.

An he did.

Cos you onwy do fings wike dat wunce an den you wearn, and dat's how you become Intellygint.

Bud dis waidin for Babby to gwow Intellygint is geddin on my nerbs.

Posted by Our Warren at 9:57 AM EDT
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Tuesday, 8 June 2004
Day Fibe / Sixth Strand
Hullo Bailey. It's Belinda.

Yeah, I'm still heer, takin meddysin an eatin salads. In fak, I spend a wotta my time wookin for more salad an tellin off dat pesty Babby, George, who is libbin nextest door now. I want Missy to moob back ober heer! Dis kid has gotta go! He's still god dose darn berries an all he does alla day wong is tawk, tawk, tawk an twy to 'press me wif how cute he is. Maman bedder make dat V-E-T 'pointmint to ged him fixt, cos dis Babby keeps on goin wike wun bwokin rekord! "Wook at me, I'm kyoot! Wook at me, I'm kyoot!" Whew!

I know I'm fallin down onna job ob keepin uppa web site an I'm sorry. I wosted free pounds frum bein sik an I'm twyin to pudd'em back on. I'm eatin wots ob salad - two cups ebbery day wif hay anna oat groats. Dr Doolen sed dat shuld be enuf for me to gain back alla weight I wosted, bud I'd wike more. I hab pellets, too, bud I've decided I don wike dem.

An I ged WUN stinkin Craisin a day when I take my meddysin at noon. Wun! I usta ged wike sebben or ate. At weast a mouf-full. An I run an jump an buzz an ebberyfing an wun wousey Craisin. I ged a slice ob appul at nite, doh bud I habbin't seed a nanner in ages. Dis "No Sugar" V-E-T Dr Fanders has gotta go! I do hab blooberries, doh an dose rasberries fings. Hey Guinness, is you starbed for tweats, too? Cricket? Boomer? Ms Bunns? Freckles? We all mite be biktims ob dis anti-nanner woomin, you know.

My pharmacist guy gotted a noo flabour for my meddysin called "Berry-berries" an I wike it. Gots rose oil innit. An my Auntie Irene stopped by wiffa bag ob gwape-weaves she gwowed organikwy herself. She didn't ged no gwapes, so she's gibbin me da weabes. Raised a bumper cwop ob leabes, doh, ebben if she didn ged no gwapes, so it wassn wike she wasted her time.

An Hunny, I dunno, he runned wif froot wast nite afta skerrin Maman haf to def by almost dyin by geddin himself stuck half-way outta his diggy-box. So wike, afta he'd cooled down an stawted to breathe normal agin, Dadda gabe him his appul, an Hunny ran wiffit to his hay-pile an eeted his appul dere. He hasn't runned wif froot in wike forebber. More wike scrambled wif froot, bud you gedda idea. Den he god mad at Poet cos she parked her big round Dutchy butt inna middle obba hay-pile.

Maman hadda rebuild da hay-pile dis mawnin so id is big agin. Missy is frowin her toss-toys at Beebe cos he is sucha jerk. He keeps runnin uppindownna side obba habbytat axtin her to come lib wif him an Clover so he kin habba "hare-im". Clover told Missy to come on ober ennytime an dey kin play football wif Beebe. An I god Babby heer tellin me alla time how cute he is an Mouse is ober dere yellin dat he kin kick da Babby's butt, an I can't be habbin wif dis...

So I godda wook for more food an tell off dis kid. Da fings you godda do aroun heer when you're Top Bun! (Hmmm, I fink I jut typed my blog!)

Frum your friend at Our Warren
Belinda Bunny

Posted by Our Warren at 6:41 AM EDT
Monday, 7 June 2004
Day Three / Sixth Strand - Oudda Seekwence Entree!!
BELINDA: ***whisper, nudge*** Gowan, id won hurd you. Just pwess da keys an say whut you fink... ***skurry, nudge, ear-waggle****

***

Hullo? Dis is Babby. Belinda sed I culd type heer. She sed I culd innerdoose myself cos I am pawt obba warren.

I amma widdle bid skirt. Dis issa big hummy machine. Anna housz is berry quiet. Dadda wernt to werk. Maman is lyin down cos she issn feelin gud - too much going on, Belinda sed. Belinda sed Maman dossen handle too much goin on good.

Da Lad lef onna hairplane yestiddy. Da V-E-Ts is gonna do sumfin serious to his weg. Maman came home an cried, and cried. I hope he comes home agin toda Warren. I wike him.

I dunno whut to say aboud comin heer. I god weft inna box atta V-E-Ts. Now I am heer. I godda pen nextest door to Belinda. Maman sed I amma messy bunny. She hasta sweep up afta ma alla time. I can flop out full length heer an stand up on my back feets wif my nose hanging ober da top. I kin see Hunny an Poet. An I kin see Clover an Beebe. If I stretch I kin see Missy an Mouse. An Belinda is rite nextest store.

Maman comes inna mawnin an gibs us hay to ead. Den Hunny says we habba take a nap. Sum days Maman opins our windown so smells frum oudside ged in. I habba toy ball to push wif a bell innit an dis big box wif hay an dees noospaper pellets innit. I habba salad bowl anna pellet bowl anna wadderboddle.

Id is berry quiet heer. Justa birdies an us. Maman is berry quiet.

Belinda sed datta Black Rabbit was heer not wong ago an dats why Maman is quiet. Mouse sed da Black Rabbit taked Luckie wif him. Mouse is sad aboud dis. Mouse wants to cuddle wif sumbun, bud he don know who. Maman is hopin to help him figger it oud. Mebbe Belinda when Belinda is all bedder. Belinda issa Top Bun heer.

I fink I wuld wike sumbun to cuddle wif, too. Mebbe Missy. She is aboud my size. She is berry shy doh.

I dunno. How wong does it take to fid in heer? Ebberybunny seems to fid, but I don fid yet. Will it take wong for me to be pawt ob dis Warren? I still feel noo. Will da noo feelin wear off? I don wanna be noo forebber. I wanna fid in. I wanna bea pard obba warren, too. I just wish I knew how to do dat.

Id is wonewy being noo, ebben when wbberybunny is bein nice to you.

I guess dat's all I hab to say just now, Belinda. Issit hokay?

***

BELINDA: ***wookin*** Uhoh... alla dates is messed up. Nebber mind. I dodat alla time, too. Yestidday is tidday an tomorry takes care ob idself, sumhow.

So da peebles gots two fings to reed tidday cos obba day bifore yestidday's blog bein posted tidday on top ob tidday's blog. Id's hokay, kiddo; you dun good. Da reeders kin find dere own ways 'round.

Posted by Our Warren at 10:17 AM EDT
Updated: Monday, 7 June 2004 10:26 AM EDT
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Day Four / Sixth Strand
Well, I wuz readin da noospapers wif Maman agin dis mawnin an readed dat Pwince Michael ob Kent (he libs in Inkwand where Dadda comes frum) went to a dinner gibben by da Grand Wadder Rats. Id says inna Daily Mirror dat da Pwince issa Companion Rat.

I know sum Companion Bunnies in Australia - dey bewong toda Australian Companion Rabbit Society an habba web-site you kind bisit wiffa chat feetchur an ebberyfing! So I guess dat dere can be Companion Ratties in Inkwand. Anna hoomin Pwince wantin to be a Companion Rat issa good fing. It will gib Ratties ebberywhere sum good pub'wicity which ratties allus need. Too menny hoomins fink bad fings aboud ratties as companion annymals.

Now dat Maman's Mom-mom is berry sik an nod wikewy to ebber come back to her houz agin, Maman is finkin how she kin werk it so dat Zachary Marcus, da Collie Dawg, can become a Therapy Companion Pet. Zachary Marcus has alreddy had Two Yeers ob Obedience Skool, so Maman is gonna take him an enroll him inna Delta Society Therapy Companion Pet Pwogwam so he can be certyfied to be a Therapy Pet an go visitin his Mom-mom. Maman feels he will extsell at dis as he issa friendwy dawg wif a wotta energy anna wotta personal'ty. An Maman werks good wif dawgs.

Dadda says Maman is preddy stwessed oud. I jus sit wif her an be her Companion Bunny.

Phil da Lad has bin callin frum sumpwace called "Norfok". Da Naby is werkin on his weg agin. He sed id issn too bad bud he fortygod to pack enuf boxsters agin an he's godda finda NEX inna hurry. He is eatin wots ob food so far, an dere issa gym an id issa big pwace an geddin aroun is a widdle hard when your weg don werk. So far da V-E-Ts habbin't done nuffin bud wook an tell him to repord bak ad oh-six-hunnert.

So he's been bein a Companion Peeble to udder hoomins dere who are sad or OnAlone cos he is bored. Maman says prayers wif us at nite an she allus axts her Dadda to be wif da Lad, cos her Dadda, Our Bim who singed da Spring Song, he wuz wike dat, allus goin up to peebles who wuz OnAlone an sayin, "Hi! I'm Bill Cost." He didn say he wuza Perfesser ora Doktor or ennyfing, jus "Hi! I'm Bill Cost." an den stawted tawkin to dem an findin oud whut wuz on dere minds.

He made a wotta friends dis way. An Our Bim wearned to do dis frum His Dadda, who Maman calls "Granddaddy" who wassa Presbeterian Minnyster. He used to go up to peebles who wuz OnAlone, hold oud his hand an say, "Hi! I'm Harry Cost." Nod Da Reverend or ennyfing else, jus "Harry Cost". An he made a wotta friends dis way, too.

So wast nite whenna Lad called, he sed dat when he wuz in his "rak" (whutebber dat is) he hadda funny feelin dat Bim was standin dere nextest to him, bud when he turned ober to wook, dere wuz no wun dere. Well, Bim went ober da Rainbow Bridge awhile ago. Bud Maman DID axt him to go an sid wif Phil, so mebbe he wuz standin dere wike she axted him to do.

An now da Lad is goin up to guys dat are OnAlone an sayin, "Hi! I'm Phil da Gimp." an holdin oud his hand, jus wike his Bim did.

No bunny OnAlone. You see, I bin sayin dat alla'long. Don leeb nobunny OnAlone. Da twainin to be a Companion Annymal can't be dat hard if Zachary Marcus da Collie Dawg is gonna do it. Pwobably you don ebben hab to go to Therapy Pet Twainin to do it. Jus go up to sumbun who is OnAlone, hold outta hand an say, "Hi! I'm ____(add your name here)___." an dat shuld be enuf to ged you stawted.

Whut'cha fink?

Posted by Our Warren at 8:57 AM EDT
Updated: Monday, 7 June 2004 10:12 AM EDT
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Thursday, 3 June 2004
Day Too / Sixth Strand
Hullo. Me, Hunny heer. I am takin ober Belinda's Blog just for tiday so she kin habba rest. She has bin sik an needs ta rest a widdle.

Whut happined wuzza salad. Maman boughtted salad frumma good compiny an fed it to ebberybun frumma bag. She didn't fink she needed to washe it furst cos it said onna bag dat it had all reddy bin washed an wuz reddy for da table. Well, it wassn't. It had sumfing innit. Sumfing bad.

Whutebber it wuz, it made Luckie so sik dat da Black Rabbit comed almost right away. Den he stayed, hovverin ober Belinda's habbytat. Bud Maman made him leeb. Maman is still afraid dat he is lurkin, so she's still gibbin Belinda meddysin an wookin at Belinda's pooties, but Belinda seems to be hokay. She's a fighter, dat gurl.

Den Maman, an Sistah an Dadda all comed inna Bun Room armed wif mops an brooms an duspans an bukits an dere wassa gen'ral cleen. Poet tried to hang on to her pootie box, but Sistah pushed her oud obbit wif Mr Broom and taked it to Maman inna bafroom. It god vinnygur an wader pud innit an washed reel good and wooks wike noo, now. Alla floors god washed wif vinnygur, too, an so did alla sides anna big floor an dis pwace smelled wike a pickle facktory.

Dadda opined alla winders to wet da airs bwow fru.

An den Dadda pud da Babby in next door to Clover and Beebe - bud dat didn't werk. Da Babbby stawted a pootie war rite away an Maman sed, "We'll nod be habbin dis." So oud comed da Babby an in went Missy.

So while Missy was all confoozled, dere was suddenly a wotta thumpin goin on an Maman an Dadda raced uppystairs and dere wuz Beebe - he'd forced his way into Missy's Habbytat an brought Clover wif him, so dat dere were FREE bunnies inna space ment for wun!

So Dadda hadda sort dat out.

An Maman told Beebe dat she can't be habbin wif dat.

So den waiter, Maman comed up wif appuls an my stoopit meddycin an I hadda meddycin anna appul an sum hay an sum pellets while I was sittin in my diggy box, cos Poet won't ged outta da pootie box. An Maman washed out tin cup but Poet don't want dat eidder. She just wants to sit inna pootied box in case sumbun tries to take it away again.

I just wet her ged on wiffit. Sooner or waiter, she'll ged hungree an hafta come oud.

No bun can stay cooped up forebber. It's wun fing to be afraid, an it's good to be cautious, but you can't stay so fraid dat you won't come outta da pootied box. Cos da food won't come to you. You gotta go to da food. An da wadder won't come to you. You godda go to da wader. An you mite as well be nice aboud it onna way.

Cos if you is nice to sumbun, who knows? Dey might be nice back. It werks dat way. Smiles an ear fwaps an nosebonks are contagious.

Posted by Our Warren at 7:53 AM EDT
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Tuesday, 1 June 2004
Day One / Sixth Strand
Maman says dat sumtimes when fings jus "Ged to be too much" id it good for her to tell us a stowy. An wif Luckie goin wiffa Black Rabbit so sudden, an me bein sik, anna Mom-mom being berry sik, anna Lad habbin to hab his knee fixted, an hoomins bein just pwain stoopid at Dadda's werk, anna Bun Room geddin swichted aroun, Maman figgers dat we all needa stowy. (She's feelin preddy helpwess just now.)

So she came in dis mawnin, an opined Babby's gate, an Hunny's gate, an Missy an Beebe an Clover's gates an sat wif her back to my gate so I culd snuffle her an so she was sorta facin Mouse an she tawked to alla us togedder. About Inkwand where she used to lib ab where Dadda libbed.

"There issa pwace," She sed, "Where there are mornings like this, where it rains just at night. And then the sun wakes up, lifts its eyelids and then the mists begin to roll away from the hills. And you wake up in your warm bed, and stretch, and know it's time to get up. So you bumble into the kitchen and make the coffee while you're still half asleep, and it's a little chilly, but not unkindly so, and while the coffee is dripping through, you go around and open all the windows, to let the night air out and invite the day-light in. And every window is like a surprise! You pull back the curtains, and there are bright colours, all fresh and washed by the rain.

"Open the front window and there's the street with its dark grey cobbles, and the house across the way with warm yellow stone, just steaming and soaking up the sun. And you can wave to Hilary who is pulling back her curtains, too. And you laugh because you're both wearing bathrobes.

"Then the next window is inna lounge and you pull that curtain back and there's the wide view to the end of the lane - all green with humps and vales where the beck dips down, and every inch is dotted with sheep. And when you open that window, you can hear da widdle babby voices of the little lambs coming in on the cold air, callin for their mawmies.

"And you lift your eyes over those hillocks and it looks like you can see forever over those hills, all way to where the trees appear like misty grey paint brushes scratching fint tinges of colour against the translucent sky.

"Then the next window is deep, narrow one by the fireplace that looks towards the sun just rising over Waddow's Mound. Waddow's Mound is actually an Eighth Century tomb, but it looks like a big pile of grass-covered dirt with flowers growing on it. And there are bunnies living there! Wots ob bunnies! The whole face of Waddow's Hill is just covered with holes and outside of each hole, there's at least one rabbit sitting in the sun, or hopping aournd, looking for the tastiest flower to eat. And I can open the window and call to them, and they don't care! And every day, I toss out some of Poppy's feed for them, and some carrot cuttings from the pub, and some hay, because although they're all fat and happy and undistrubed, it's always nice to have a little more.

And the bunnies watch Maman. And strong wind blows down from Waddow's Hill an on days when Farmer Dayson spreads pooties, it stinks, Maman says, but in a good country way. An Maman always leebs dat winder opin, she says.

An if da wind off Waddow's Hill is rilly cowd, she pokes atta fire wiffa pokey fing an puts black rocks onnit.

An den dere issa nudder small winder ober where her 'cellow is and she opins dat. Dere are roses unner it an sumtimes bees. An Maman allus tells da bees dat dey can stay inna roses bud nod come inside. An dat corner is sheltered by da corner obba garage so dat da wind don bwow dere.

Den she goes an opins da bafroom winder to wet da wind oud. An outside ob dat winder issa garden gate, all bwown and made ob wood, anna garden wall dat is berry high an made of yellow stone. Oud dere issa forecourt where Jack keeps da wheelbarrow anna cuttings anna liddle glass house what has gwape leebs innit, anna organe butt to catch rain wadder to pud onna geraniums dat is in stone pots out frunt.

Den she opens da winders in her office dat oberwook da garden inna back. Sumtimes she stands an wooks atta "chain tree". It's all gold wif chains ob fwowers. To da left ob it is Waddow's Hill an more sheeps. To da right dere are pine trees anna pwace where Shelia, her wandwandy says are da fairies atta end obba garden.

Den Maman geds da coffee and puts it onna tray obbered inna clof. She geds a sugar basin anna milk jug, an she wets oud her bunny, Poppy in her harness, an dey go to see Mrs. Shelia. An den Hilary comes ober an dey hab coffee inna garden, siddin on hard wooden benches inna back garden, An Poppy eats da clober. An Hilary bwings toast.

An whenna church bells rings "half-sebben" Shelia says it's time to ged up an ged moobin. Cos it's a scandle dat dey are wearin dere baf-robes.

Anna sun is high inna sky an dere is no mist, an you kin heer da rumbled obba big tractors going oud toda fields.

An ennyway, Jack an Theresa will be alwong soon to stawt doin fings. An Jack hassa widdle dog named "Jack"...

But dat's anudder stowy, Maman sed. So I will hab to wait to dear id.

Posted by Our Warren at 8:37 AM EDT
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Wednesday, 26 May 2004
Day Twenty-four / 4th Strand
I dunno whut to say. Da Black Rabbit came yestidday an took Luckie-Bun away.

Dadda typed dis, so I will add it heer:

Black Rabbit, Oh Black Rabbit
Our warren saw you today
Black Rabbit, Oh Black Rabbit
You took Lucky Bun away.
Black Rabbit, Oh Black Rabbit
Why did you pass this way?
Black Rabbit, Oh Black Rabbit
I wish you'd stay away.

Luckie, we shall miss you,
Though you were not here for long
You were such a happy Bun,
To loose you is so wrong.
Affectionate and loveable
So sweet and full of charm,
You left us for the Rainbow Bridge
The Land of Peace and Calm.
Poor Mouse is sad and lonely
He misses you, his friend
But he wishes for your happiness
In the Life that never ends.

Luckie-Bun, can you heer me? Tell Hawthorn dat I still bemember him, an dat he wassa bestest husbun ebber hokay? An say 'Hi' to Smokey, an my bestest friend, Willow, an SnoBall ExFoster, an Heatherington Rabbit, an Hunny says "Hullo, I lub you" to Maggie, an we're all berry sorry dat you had to leeb us. An I'll wook afta Mouse for you, so don werry... an, an...

I'm sorry I called you a 'Stoopd Liddle Dweamer', Luckie, cos mebbe da werld needs more dweamers, just to bemind us dat sumtimes dweams - ob safe pwaces, an wots ob hay, an tweats, an nice peebles, an toys an all - rilly can come troo. You weren't stoopid at all, cos you beleebed inna dweam, an you libbed it, furst wif your Liberian Dadda, and when he culdn't keep you, den heer. So you wassn stoopid at all.

I'm gonna miss you, Luckie.

Posted by Our Warren at 8:26 AM EDT
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Monday, 24 May 2004
Day Twenty-Free / 4th Strand
Dis shuld be da Fif Strand to corryspond toda Fif monf which is May. At weast, dat wuzza'riginal idea - dat each Strand would be da same assa monf. Well, dat didn quite werk oud, you'll notice, which is preddy much normal heer at Our Warren.

Oh well.

Ennyway tidday issa 24th day ob May. Nod dat id madders. Cos whut madders is Heer We Go Agin: Dadda has comed up wiffa "noo way" ob geddin hay for us. I herd him tawkin aboud it to Maman.

Now Maman don'wike buyin our hay. She don wike "commercial" hay cos id iss 'spensib an id is not gwown wocally. She says dat if we don buy stuff frumma wocal farmers, soon dere won't be enny wocal farmers. Budda fing is, dere aren't dat menny wocal farmers an dere hay is mostwy gwown for horses an issn all dat gwate for bunnies. Da noo bale dat Maman an Dadda god yestidday, Dadda says mite as well be stwaw, dat's how bad id is.

Bud Maman boughted hay frumm pet store an she didn wike dat eidder. She sed it was too soft, an it costed as much assa bale fora weaf, an besides dat, id was gwowed sumpwace far away an ober-raked ennyways - so sod dat fora game ob soldiers.

So she won't be buyin dat agin.

Inna meantime, we're siddin heer axtin for da good stuff.

So yestidday, Dadda says to Maman dat, "We kin gwow our own hay."

An as soon as I heared dat, I said to Hunny, "Uh oh."

An Clover, who issa optymist, sed, "Nono, wet's heer dis oud."

An Luckie, who issa Stoopid Liddle Dreamer sed, "Maybe dere habbin a GOOD idea."

An Maman sed, "Howzat?" cos she is dumber den Luckie.

An Dadda sed, "Well, we kin wet pard obba garden be turned ober to good gwass. I kin use pooties for fert'lizer."

An rite dere I stawted shakin my hed: Dadda is allus wookin fora way to ged rid obba pooties. He makes piles obb'em inna garden an den waits to discobber pwaces to pudd'em. So far, he's found da pwace where sum neighbourhood guys cutted fru da hedge at nite. So he digged a hole an filled id up wif pooties anna contents obba catz-box. Den he added wadder. Den he weft it. So at nite, whenna guys twied to come fru da hedge, dey stepped inna hole, up to dere knees inna slurry ob cat-poo an yucky pooties. Id stopped dem frum comin fru da garden, doh. I culd heer dem sayin rilly bad werds aboud Dadda frum my winder.

Ennyways...

Dadda sed, "Den, whenna gwass gwows we cut id."

An Maman sed, "Bud inna Township, dere issa waw aboud aggyculchur. We can't wet it gwow too high. Ennyfing ober knee high an you'll be in twubble."

An Dadda sed, "Knee high will be enuf."

An Maman sed, "How you gonna cut it? We don godda baler."

An Dadda sed, "Scythe id. Don' need a baler."

An Maman, who usta lib inna Norf ob Inkwand sed, "Whut'cha gonna do den, stook id?"

An Dadda sed, "Yes."

Den Hunny calls ober to me, "Whut'ssa 'stook'?" An I sed dat I didn know bud id didn sound good.

You see, Maman an Dadda is 'ammychur historians' which means dey know a wot aboud whut peebles did a hunnert or so yeers ago. Now da reason dat peebles did fings da way dey did a hunnert or so yeers ago is cos dey didn't know enny bedder. Now dat dey know bedder, dey don't do fings dat way enny more.

Sum how, dis wast pawt obba wesson is wost on Maman an Dadda. Dey nod onwy know how fings was done a hunnert or more yeers ago, bud dey keep wantin to do fings dat way, ebben doh dey pwobabwy shuldin't now dat dere are bedder ways.

So.

Maman sed to Dadda, "I don know how to stook hay."

An Dadda sed, "I do. Id's easy."

Dees are dangerous werds when Dadda says dem.

Bud he went on: "You ged two bits ob stwing an lay dem onna gwound. Den you lay da dwy hay onna stwings an tie uppa hay. Den you stand uppa hay an wet it dwy sum more. Den you pud da stooks inna shed."

"An waid for spontaneous combustion." Added Maman.

She is helpful wike dat.

An Dadda sed, "Nod if you dwy it rite to begin wif."

An I'm finkin dat you nebber shuld wet two ober-eddykated hoomins woose inna field togedder.

Cos I know whut Maman is seein in her hed. She has showed me buks where dere are pikchurs ob peebles dwessed in red, gween an bloo hoods an jackits an dey hab stockins on dere wegs an dey are doin fings wike cuddin gwapes an stuff. Dey are pikchurs frumma wong time ago bifore hoomins god smawt an stopped doin fings wike dat.

Bud dis is whut Maman is seein in her hed. Whut she is NOD seein, is her, inna wong dwess an sandals, or Dadda in jeans an dwess shoes, jumpin on shubbles an diggin inna dirt, emptyin pwastic bags ob pooties inna hot sun, or bweakin a nail or geddin bugs inn'er hair or him sprainin a mussel or her twistin her ankle or sumfing else stoopid or Dadda carryin her off toda 'Mergency Room wif bee-stings or him geddin cobbered in poison iby an scratchin forebber or sumfing.

See, I know dees two.

So afta wistenin for a widdle bid, Clover shakes her ears an says, "Uh oh is rite."

An ebben Luckie, da Stoopid Widdle Dreamer, shakes her ears an says, "Dis mite nod turn oud too well."

An Hunny gwabbed uppa mouf-full ob hay, wooked ober at me an sed, "Bugger it."

An I sed, "Yup."

Cos we know bedder. Bud Maman an Dadda don.

So Here We Go Agin.

Posted by Our Warren at 10:57 AM EDT
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Friday, 21 May 2004
Day Twenty-Too / 4th Strand
Tiday is May Twenty-FURST, 2004.

Bemember dis cos dis is da day dat our sistah, Beffy, was borned. So tiday is her Hoppy Birfday day.

So I'm gonna tell you boud Beffy.

Furst ob all, Beffy issa hoomin. She don lib heer, bud she mite as well lib heer cos she comes heer a wot. Maman is her muver an Beffy is Maman's kit. Now Our Dadda is not Beffy's dadda cos Beffy's dadda went toda Bridge an I nebber knowed him. Bud Our Dadda is berry wike a reg'lar Dadda in dat he cares berry much aboud Beffy. Dis is normal at Our Warren; you arribe at Our Warren wiffoud much fambly an den you suddenwy habba wotta fambly.

Sumtimes Beffy bwings her dawg, Codi, when she comes to bisit. I don wike dawgs assa gen'ral rool an Codi is no hextceptshun. Id's not Codi's fault, ob course, it's just dat she issa dawg an she issa Shebu Innu kinda dawg an she has far too menny teef dat she is too fond ob usin. An she's nod gonna use dem on me. So she's not atta top ob my wist ob "fabourite critters to bisit" if you know whut I meen.

Bud Beffy is anudder stowy.

Maman says dat Beffy an I ara wotta'wike. Beffy says dat I amma bitch. *footflicks* I am notta dawg. I amma bunny. I am also da Top Bun inna Warren an she issn. I amma 'sertib, bud dat's my job. So dat is preddy much, dat.

Howebber, Beffy does bwing tweets an she gibs pets. Sumtimes she an I tawk an Beffy tells me 'boud "goin oud" wif her friends an "pwayin pool" (whutebber dat is) an habbin fun. She also has told me aboud her "werk" atta hoomin V-E-Ts office. I fink if she is gonna werk atta V-E-Ts office, it shuld be atta reg'lar V-E-T where she culd help us feel bedder aboud habbin to be goin dere an nod be so skeert, you know? She geds a wong gud wif dawgs an ebben wif catz, which is nodda easy fing for ENNYWUN todo (cos catz is nutz).

An Beffy an I are preddy. I amma bwack an white bunny wif uppy ears. Beffy hassa wong, berry blonde hairs on her hed an gween eyes. Beffy wafs a wot. She also tawks a wot. She makes "jokes" dat makes peebles waf. She makes jokes aboud my ears dat are nod funny. Sumtimes she goes toda "be-yoo-tee-shop" an gits sum fancy nails on her hands. I hab to hab my nails cwipped an Maman an Dadda does it. I don gedda go to enny shops.

Beffy can pway dat 'cello fing Maman pways. I dunno why. She also pways a "gittar" fing an sings. Sumtimes she pways da pianer inna dinin-room downnastairs. I dunno why she does dat, eidder.

To be honest, I dunno why hoomins do a wot obba fings dat dey do. Whut's wiffa fancy nails anna goin to werk an alla dis "goin oud" an gibbin house-space to dawgs? I fink dat Beffy wuld do bedder to habba bunny, wike me, to sort ob okkypye her time an help her to gedda'wong in wife.

Maman is all-rite assa Maman, bud she's nod good at teachin "wife". Now I culd organyize Beffy's wife for her, an show her whut's 'portant - you know, wike habbin good salads, an habbin good tweets, an reskewin udder bunnies who need homes, an how to cwean a pootie-box da rite way.

When it comes to libbin well, you can't beat da bunny-way-ob-wife.

Dere is nuffin bedder den habbin sum tweets, habbin sum hay an habbin a nap.

An den geddin up todo it all ober agin!

Hoppy Birfday, Beffy! An menny more! Frum Alla Us Togedder!!!

Posted by Our Warren at 1:05 PM EDT
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Thursday, 20 May 2004
Day Twenty-wun / 4th Strand
Guess whut?

Id is almost Sistah Beffy's Birfday!

She will be twenty-sebben yeers owd. Dis is not owd for a hoomin (Maman is fifty, an her mawmie is atey-for, which is owd!), bud I nebber herd obba rabbit who is dat owd. Hunny issa owdest bunny I know an he is twelbe. Poet issa nextest owdest an she is elebben. I am nine. I will be ten onna Forf ob Jooly, which is when ebberybunny else will also go uppa yeer.

Da rezon dat alla us togedder habba same birfday is cossa da Ancient Dawg.

Nowda Ancient Dawg has gone toda Bridge, bud I bemember him. He usta be eighteen, which is berry owd fora dawg.

His name was "Tristan" an he wassa long, low dawg wif bwack an white spots. Maman sed he was mainwy a Basset Houn' - "Two Dawgs Wong an Half a Dawg High".

Dis is troo. I hextplored him, an yes, he wassa berry wong dawg when he was lyin on his bwankie (which was most obba time, when I knew him). He wuz almost fibe hops wong! An dat is fibe ob my hops, an I am nodda small bunny.

Maman's Dadda cawled Tristan, "Maxymillian Van Snort" cos Tristan usta sneeze a wot. An cos he wuz low toda ground, he usta bang his hed onna fwoor when he sneezed. Id nebber seemed to bover him dat he banged his hed. Dis is cos his hed was fulla "concreet", Maman sed, wike most bassets - cos once dey gedda idea in dere heds, she says, it geds stuck dere, wike it's set in concreet. Bud I know howta change a basset mind. Heatherington taught me. Bud you godda be brabe to doit.

Most ob Tristan's ideas settled round food. He wiked treets - enny treets, kloodin bunny treets.

I mean, whut can you do wiffa dawg dat eats carrots? An appils? An gwapes? An raisins?

Maman wuld pud downna raisins for Hunny, Heatherington, Maggie an me an we'd be siddin dere, each habbin sum, powite-wike, wike rabbits do, an den we'd heer da raddle obba chain, an heer comes Tristan. You'd know it wuz him, cos his nose comed innu da room bifore da rest obba dawg made it fru da door.

So heer comed dis nose an da nose wuld shub fru alla bunnies an suddenly, dere wuld be no tweats.

Just wike dat, dey wuz all gone. Now you see dem, now you don. An dere wassa dawg, wiffa back end waggin anna frunt end snufflin.

Well, Hunny was allus too skeert to do ennyfing. He'd hear da chain raddle an he's run forit. Maggie wuld just sit dere, but Heatherington wassa tough widdle Dutch bunny an he'd *thump* when he saw da nose comin thru da doorway.

So Heatherington wuld *thump* an Hunny wuld scatter, an I wuz new back den, so I wuld just sit dere - an heer comes da nose wike a snowplough - and **whomp** dere went alla tweets.

An good ol' Maman's standin dere, goin, "Now Tris, weab da bunnies' tweets awone..."

She's berry e-fek-tib.

So Heatherington got tired ob dis. Da Dutchy-boy lubbed his raisins an hated seein dem dissypeer downna dawg.

So da nextest time datta chain raddled, he wuz reddy. He gotted innu a bwack an white ball, an whenna nose comed barrellin in, he *THUMPED* extry woud. Budda nose kept comin. So he *THUMPED* agin. Budda nose pushed fru Maggie. Hunny scrabulled, an beat feets oudda dere an back innu his habbytat.

An dere was Heatherington, alla wone, wif Maggie wika furry doorstop an me, bouncin upindown, callin Maman, cos I knowed datta dawg is in forit.

Bud it was too wate.

Nestest fing I knowed, dere's da nose an it's godda bunny 'tached to it.

Cos Dutches bite an den dey hang on.

Well. You nebber herd sucha rakit!

Da dawg, Tistan, stawts screamin dat his nose is bit, an Heatherington is yellin fru his teef, "I told you to leeb dose tweets awone!" anna dawg is screamin for Maman an Maman is screamin, "Leeb da bunny awone!" an Maggie's siddin dere wika doorstop an Hunny's runnin in cirkles inna habbytat.

So Maman gwabs da dawg, an he's wong an has godda bunny 'tached toda nose-end, so he's wigglin, an ebberywun is screamin - an Maman pulls offa bunny.

So now da dawg-nose is bweedin an Hetherington is justa ball ob rilly angry bwack an white fur. So he bites Maman.

Now Maman is bweedin.

So in comes da Lad, 'tracted by alla screamin.

An he scoops up Heatherington an puds him back innu his habbytat, an he puds Maggie back. An aldoh I didn't do ennyfing, I godda go back innu my habbytat, too.

Anna dawg goes toda V-E-T an has his nose sowed up.

So afta dat, Tristan didn eat our tweets no more. In fack, he changed.

He didn stop comin inna door nose-furst, bud he'd come in, an den he'd stop an siddown an wook. An Heatherington wuld wook up, an sorta gib a half-hearted *thump* anna dawg wuld wook, an den swing his hed aroun an make sure dat nobun wus comin. An den his eyebrows wuld werk up-an-down, an dis big pink tongue wuld come oud an **slurp** on Heatherington.

Yuck. Dawg-slobber.

Bud he nebber eated our tweeats agin.

Posted by Our Warren at 9:12 AM EDT
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Wednesday, 19 May 2004
Day Twenty / 4th Strand
I fink I ought to point oud here dat dis issa nineteenf day obba monf ob May - Just so you know dat my datin system is skrewed up bud is at weast cwose toda mawk.

Maman sed if I ebber ged back on trak, she's gonna holda sellybrashun.

Da Cokie-Fat-Cat waked up compwainin. Dadda sed if he don shutit, he's gonna be a furry cawpet anna set ob violin stwings. We don godda violin an Maman sed datta better 'cello stwings are made oudda Purlon, so I don know whut good Dadda hopes to 'komplish.

Cokie is upsed cos id is cwoudy oud, cos his food-bowl god empty ober-nite, cos his winder wassn opin early enfu dis mawnin, an cos he issn awoud to go downna "basement", wherebber dat is. Nobunny 'cept Dadda anna Lad an Sherwin issa'woud downna "basement" ennyhows, so I don know why he is so upsed aboud it.

Bud dat's da fing aboud cats - dey ged upsed ober ebberfing.

An dey HAB ebberyfing!

Nuffin ticks me off wike sumbun who compwains alla time when dey hab ebberyfing dey culd possibwy wan.

Cats ebben hab more comiks.

Hab you notised dat? Dey hab more comiks inna funny pages obba noospapers den ebben dawgs - an dere ara'wotta dawgs, too. Berry few bunnies, doh. In fack, when Maman an I read da noospapers inna mawnin, dere is onwy ONE bunny an dat is onwy sumtimes!

An whenna bunny is featchured inna comik "For Bedder of For Worse", guess whut? Da Bunny, whose name is "Butterscotch" is allus doin sumfing naughty. A couple ob days ago, he was eatin alla fwowers his mawmie had pwanted.

Now dat stoopid cat, "Garfield" is allus naughty. He is wike Cokie, fat an wazy, bud ebberybunny finks he's funny.

He is nod funny - he is spoilt.

Wook at "Fred Basset". He issa dawg inna comiks, an he is also spoilt.

Bud BOF ob dees guys are allus habbin it "rain onna wrong field", as Maman says.

An den dere'sa bunny in "FBOFW", an da poor bunny don' ebben gedda tawk!

Dis issa outrage. Alla cats anna dawgs inna funny-pages tawk, ebben da cats an dawgs in "Mutts", bud onwy WUNCE INNA WHILE ISSA BUNNY FEACHERED!

Now I gen'rally 'proobe ob "Mutts" an "FBOFW" cos dose comiks at weast hab bunnies inn'em sumtimes, bud dees udder comik-artists, I dunno. Dey are stoopid.

Maman told me datta "Simpsons" onna TeeBee stawted oud as bunnies, bud datta artist changed dem innu peeble.

Well, hey, Matt! Dat wassa bad moob!

You culda been a hero to billions obba'pressed bunnies an gibben a message 'boud reskews, hope an forebber homes. But you blew it an seddled for millions ob peebles, insted.

Yeah, I know: you went wiffa munny.

You know, I fink I'm gonna go sulk. Id's cwoudy oud, anna winder issn opin, an nobunny is wettin me oudda my habbytat an dere is no hay till Maman goes to buy sum.

Anna stoopid cat won't shuddup.

I'm going back to bed.

So dere.


Posted by Our Warren at 8:01 AM EDT
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Tuesday, 18 May 2004
Day Nineteen / 4th Strand
Well, I guess I should tell you whut happined here a couple ob days ago - cos George is still heer an I sorta don see him moobin on inna hurry.

Furst ob all, his name isn't George. We don know whut his name is an nedder does he. "George" is whut Maman calls him, cos she says dat she has allus wanted Wun Big Rabbit Whose Name Is George. Dadda calls him "Fred" bud I don fink dat's his name eidder.

Well whutebber his name is, dis is gonna be Wun Big Rabbit as soon as he is growed up, but dat's not rite now onna'count ob George's bein whut Dadda calls a "babby". Which is whut I fink is his reel name, bud we'll ged to dat inna minit.

Furst, I'll tell you whut happined.

Now, wike I've sed bifore, Maman's mawmie is berry sik, an dis is causin Maman an Sistah Beffy to hab to be dere to wook afta her a wot. Dadda anna Lad are preddy much on dere own wif us. So Maman an Dadda don hab much time to tawk or when wun is tawkin, nobunny has much energy weft for wistenin. Dis is a pwobwem cos dey aren't makin sense to each udder.

So ennyway, da Lad tooka phone call frum a V-E-T dat we used to go to. Dey hadda 'bandoned bunny an no wun to take him. Da Lad told Dadda 'boud it. Dadda told da Lad, "NFC, mate; where wuld we pudd'im when we got eight uppystairs?" an dat was dat. I breathed a sigh ob relief, bud still felt kinda bad forda bunny wif no home.

I mean, it's terryble, bein OnAlone an how awful can it be to be atta V-E-Ts, knowin dat you is OnAlone on top ob dat?

Bud whut culd I do? We is wall-to-wall bunnies inna Bun Room in our Habbytats, an Hunny is on meddycin an I'm onwy eatin salad, an fings are nod 'speshully peaceful, whut wif Maman's mawmie an alla stuff goin on.

Well, ennyways, dees fings habba way ob werkin oud. When Maman comed home, da Lad told Maman boutta phone call. She gotted dat deer-inna-hed-lights wook aboud her, an wooked at Dadda. Bud Dadda wuz hed-down inna 'puter game an he didn' say ennyfing cept datta bunny was OnAlone atta V-E-Ts an he fortygotted to tell her aboudda phone call.

So da nextest day, Dadda goes to werk, an Maman sets off to do her stuff - mindin her mawmie, geddin food to her, callin da hoomin V-E-T an twyin to figger oud whut to do nextest, an s'sportin Sistah Beffy who is stayin wiffa Maman's Mawmie, who she calls "mom-mom".

Den wate inna day, Maman comes in wike a whirlwind, gwabs a carrier and she's gone again.

Now I been heer for seben years, an I'm nod stoopid. When Maman gwabs an empty carrier an don pud enny ob us innit, she's goin onna "Reskew".

So Dadda comes home an he an da Lad are playin on dere 'puter game, an Maman whirls back in wiffa carrier. An Dadda wooks inside an says, "I fought I told you dat we don gotta room." He didn yell or ennyfing, he just sed it.

An Maman says, "You just told me datta bunny wus dere - wike I shuld go geddit. So I did."

An dis wassa troof - cos Dadda had sed toda Lad dat dere wuz no room, he didn' say dat to Maman. Ebben doh she knowed dat dere wuz no room heer, she allus says dat she kin find room-for-wun-more inna 'mergency, dat God don send nobunny to be reskewed unwess He knows datta bunny shuld be heer.

An Dadda didn't say ennyfing. So Maman wuz skeert. She broughted da carrier uppystairs an set it in frunt ob my habbytat an rushed back downnastairs.

An dere was George inside, wookin bewildered.

So I axted him his name, an he don know. He wassn atta furst home wong enuf to bemember his name. Babby's is wike dat - you feed dem enuf an dey don bemember ennyfing 'cept where da food is.

So I axted him whut happined. An George sed dat he was inna shop, den inna nice home. Denna peebles dat had him hadda fight anna young girl dat was takin care ob him stawted to cry. Den she pud him inna big box an dey went toda V-E-T pwace. An den, he sed she pudda box onna floor, anna nextest fing he knew, sumwun else was opinin da box an he wassn' home ennymore. He wuz OnAlone!

An cos he issa babby, he stawted to cry an he wuz skeert.

So I told him he was at Our Warren an introduced him as much as I culd, seein as how he wuz still inna carrier an culdn't see much.

Den I herd downnastairs, Dadda say to Maman dat it wuz his fault, dat he had sed 'boud no room toda Lad, an Maman stawted cryin - well, she don zactly cry, she just stands dere an her eyes ged fulla wadder an she backs away, wike she is gonna bolt enny minit.

An den Dadda sed, "Well, he'll hab to be a Foster, cos we can hab enuf room, bud I can't kick da babby oud, cos he's god no home." Den Dadda comed uppa stairs an wooked in.

An I sed to da babby, "Wookit Junyor, you godda p'wess Dadda. Cos you issa babby, you godda wotta 'cute' goin for you, so use it."

An Dadda godda reskew cage frumma car an taked George oudda da carrier an dat's when I rilly godda wook at him.

Wet me tell you, dis is no "Wun Yeer, Full Growed Bunny" wike da V-E-T told Maman. Dis issa berry young, half-growed Flemish Giant babby - he gots da big hed dat's half da size ob his body, da broad face anna BIG feets ob your typikal Flemish Giant. An he's all white wif some grey on his face. His ears aren't as big as dey culd be, bud he's growin.

An den, as Dadda is holdin da Babby, da Babby reached up an snuffled his hair. Den he tasted da hair. Den he cuddled. I'm tellin you, dis babby wearns fast!

So now he's heer. I told him alreddy, fortyged da pellets, hold oud for salad an hay. An dis kid's no dummy - he's nod eatin pellets, bud he's eatin huge amounts ob salad an hay. He don know whut treats are, bud we'll ged to dat.

I'm coachin him.

I fink I mite wike dis babby. Ebben if his name IS George, which I don fink id is. I fink his name is Babby.


Posted by Our Warren at 8:41 AM EDT
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Friday, 14 May 2004
Day Sebbenteen / 4th Strand
Well, I was readin da noospapers wif Maman dis mornin an akordin to Da Guardian Noospaper, id is now berry fashunable to habba gardener anna garden.

We gots a nice garden area outside obba houz. I can see it frumma winder. Da Lad mowed it yestidday wiffa wanmower an den he cutted da hedge. An den he comed inside da houz an sed dat it wassa wotta werk fur nuffin.

So I got to finkin abouddit.

Here's alla dis garden area dat is nodda garden bud culd be wun. An den I bemembered wast yeer.

Hooboy! Dis "Garden" fing came up wast yeer, too.

Id was inna Spwing, an Dadda was tawkin to Maman an he sed dat whut we rilly needed inna side garden wassa fountin-inna-fwower garden.

An Maman sed dat whut we rilly needed was roses wike she had inna garden back in Inkland.

Anna Lad sed whut dey rilly needed wassa Reality Check cossa wun dose two had, bounced.

Sistah Beffy just 'spressed da idea dat we had way too menny pooties an nod enuf pwaces for'dem, so a garden sounded wike a good idea she wanted no pawts ob.

In sum ways, Da Lad an Sistah are a widdle bedder off mentally den Maman an Dadda, bud don say I told you.

So Maman an Dadda went off toda Guy Store to see abouda garden.

An I'm up heer finkin, "Dill".

So dey go toda Guy Store, bud dere is nuffin dere dat Dadda wants (he knows whut he's wookin for. Maman sed dat he hassa "British Genetic Imperative to dig inna dirt".). So dey go toda Feed Store where dere is also a wan an garden store.

An dey come home wiffa bunny.

Dis bunny is, furst ob all, gween. Sekond ob all, it hassa hole in its back anna nozzle on its butt. It has no smell an it don run or nuffin. Maman sed it issa "fountin" forda birdbaf an set it onna floor inna Bun Room assa Dekkyrashun for us.

So. I'm still up here finkin, "Dill". Cos dat is my fabrit herb.

Well, Dadda gets a shubble an goes outside an stawts to dig. Den he moobs da big concreet bird baf frum unner da climbin rose bush dat refuses to climb. He comes in to see Maman an ged Band-Aids. Den he goes oud again an digs sum more. Den Maman goes oud wif ice-tea (Dis is sumfing she makes dat we don ged.). Den she comes in wookin thoughtful. Dadda comes in an says Bad Werds.

Da Lad stays in his room an is rilly quiet. No music, no woud puter noises. On his way past us he tells me dat dere is no way he's gonna ged inbolbed in dis mess.

Dadda goes oud again an comes in again. Maman issn't sayin much aside frum "You poor darling" which is whut she says to Dadda when fings don go his way.

Den she comes an geds da green bunny dat don't hab no smell anna nozzle init's butt. She gibs dat to Dadda an he goes oud innu da yard. So I wook oud my winder.

Well, da yard is all humps ob dirt wif stacks ob lawn cut innu chunks an Dadda's bootpwints inna dirt trackin heer an dere. An dere'ssa big concreet birdbaf inna middle obba yard, sorta weanin to wun side, an siddin inna middle ob it on top, issa green bunny. Now it's godda hose connected to it's butt.

An Dadda shouts, "Hokay?"

An Maman says, "Hokay."

An I heer da hosepipe squeek. An dis widdle squirt ob wadder shoots oudda da bunny's back an sorta widens innu a widdle cone, aboud a inch high. An it piddles down, wettin alla 'round da green bunny dat has no smell.

An Maman an Dadda are standin dere togedder wif dere heds on one side, wookin atta green bunny, piddlin inna middle obba birdbaf, an I'm yellin in my hed, finkin as woud as I kin, "Wook you two, DILL! Pwant DILL! Ebben you kin gwow DILL, itsa WEED!"

So now da green bunny is siddin onna bukshelf, holdin up a bunch ob books. Da birdbaf is back by da straggly climbin rose bush dat don climb an Dadda sed he'll be blasted if he's gonna ged inbolbed in twendy fings an whut he RILLY wants ista pwant tatties.

An Maman found an owd pot an pud sum dill innit cos she herd dat it issa weed an easy to gwow.

An I'm still up heer waidin for it.

Posted by Our Warren at 8:43 AM EDT
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Thursday, 13 May 2004
Day Sixteen / 4th Strand
I fink I god my strands messed up. Oh well. Kountin was nebber my strongest point.

Maman's mawmie is sik. She don wike Our Warren. In fact, she doesn't fink to highly ob Maman, eidder, which makes it hard for Maman to deel wif her. She is berry owd. Older den Hunny, ennyways, an she won't go toda hoomin vet when she needs to, an Maman is ushually onna losin end ob dat argumint an den Dadda hasta step in an say sumfing. She wistens to Dadda cos he issa man. I dunno how Maman's mawmie finks, cos its nod da way I do - seems berry odd to me. Bud dat's why Maman issn't feelin too good, I fink, cos she is "swessed oud" as Dadda calls it. All I know is dat da salads are wate.

Ennyways, wike I was tellin you aboud Mouse anna air condishywasher anna lektrick sokit an all... I'm going to go back to tellin you boud'dat cos dat's sumfing I unnerstand.

So da Lad had alla stuff to fixa sokit cos Maman had gone to da "Guy's Store" (which is whut she calls "Home Depot" cos it is fulla guys in pick-em-ip-trucks). So he comes innu da Bun Room an hassa wook atta job. Bud to do dis, he hasta moob a few fings.

Wike us.

Now cos dere is eight ob us, dere issn a whole lod ob extry room inna Bun Room. We god a wotta habbytats an widdle hallways b'tween dem so dat we can walk up and down an all. So in order for da Lad to moob Mouse outta da way, he hasta moob Luckie-Bun outta da way, bud to do dat, he hasta moob Missy an she panicks ebberytime she hasta be moobed. So da idea is to moob Luckie wiffoud habbin to moob Missy.

An don, whutebber you do, bump innu da Owd Folks, Hunny an Poet, cos Poet will just lose her mind an Hunny will ged all disoryented cos he has trubble seein an heerin. Maman says his eqwell-librium isnn' too good, eidder.

So.

Da Lad decides dat he shuld moob Luckie UP an den OBER an den innu da hallway outside obba Bun Room. But do do dat, he hasta make it so dat she won't be 'vestigated by da cats, who hab a cushon to wie on inna hallway. So he heebed da cushon ober da bannyster an pudda gate up accrosst da stairs. Dat stopped da cats.

Den he went to pick up Luckie-Bun's habbytat wif her innit.

Well, Luckie-Bun finks dat enny hand comin innu her habbytat hassa tweat innit an she furst snuffles da hand an alla da fingers to see where da tweat is. She wikes to gedda fingers apart so she can snuffle between-a-fingers, too, cos you nebber can be sure datta hand is totally emptee until you habba rilly good wook. At weast, dat's her theory.

So wile da Lad has her up inna air, Luckie is snufflin his fingers dat he has poked fru da habbytat. When he didn't pull his fingers up to wet her snuffled unner dem, she decided to moob his fingers up herself: she bited him.

Well, hokay, he yelled, bud he didn't dwop her or ennyfing, cos Maman was standin rite dere, wachin.

So Luckie is determined. She bites his finger again to see if she kin pry it up to hab a wook unnerneaf. So he yells again. Bud he don dwop her.

By dis time, he has her almost outta da door.

So Luckie finks dis sucks. She can't seem to ged him to moob his fingers. But dis issa determined rabbit.

She gwabs hold ob his fingers an stawts tuggin.

Da Lad pud her down inna hall, pulled his fingers oud obba habbytat an sed a wotta rilly bad werds.

Den he's godda moob Mouse.

Mouse's Habbytat is onna Hope Chest, as I told you bifore. So da idea here wasta moob da Hope Chest wif Mouse onnit to where Luckie's habbytat had bin. So dat was easy.

Anna Lad sed to Mouse, "Don't you dare pee on me."

So Mouse finked dis ober.

Anna Lad went to werk, remoobin da old sokit.

So Mouse is finkin.

Anna Lad is werkin onna sokit.

He geds da sokit fixed, an pwugs inna hextenshunion cord for da air condishywasher. He pushed da 'Mote button an ebberyfink werked.

An Mouse is finkin.

So da Lad puds away alla his tools, an bushes up da mess an geds it inna bag an shows Maman 'zactwy whut he did. An Maman gibbed him sum munny for doin such a good job an ebberyfing.

Den berry carefully, da Lad moobed da Hope Chest wif Mouse on it back to where it was. Den he carefully moobed Luckie-Bun (who was sulkin cos he had yelled at'ter) back to her pwace. An den he bent down to tawk to Mouse...

An Mouse finished finkin aboud it... turned his butt toward da Lad... an peed.

Weel, I fought it wuz funny!

Posted by Our Warren at 3:29 PM EDT
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Wednesday, 12 May 2004
Day Fifteen / 4th Strand
I wanna extend da most sincere BEST WISHES frum alla us togedder at Our Warren to our bestest friend, DON SA an his wady, SPOOKY, onna okashun ob dere BONDIN! We're wishin dem a wong an hoppy wife togedder down dere in Birginya. HOORAY for SA an SPOOKY!!!! Cilantro marguritas alla 'round!!

An dat's da happy noos dis mawnin.

Udder happy noos is dat we gots our air considhywasher back. Good fing, cos it's gonna be hot again tidday.

Of course, it wassa nudder interestin time inna Bun Room.

Furst, Maman went toda Guy Store. Dis is called "Home Depot" an it is neer heer. She went alone, which she hardly ebber does cos she says datta store confoozles her. It's nodda store dat confoozles her, its dat she confoozles ebbery person inna store cos she has no cloo whut she's doin, an she hassa hard time communykatin whut she's twyin to do to udder peebles. Dis is cos da inside ob Maman's hed issa "obscure pwace" an onwy Dadda can see inside. If dere wassa map ob Maman's hed, it wuld say "Terra Incognita" onit an Dadda wuld hab his name in Nahunal Geografik assa hextplorer.

Ennyways, Maman gets toda Home Depot pwace, an rite off, she's in trubble. She sed datta car-park was fulla pick-'em-up-trucks. Dis issa bad sign, she sed, cos it means dat da store is gonna be full ob peebles dat know whut dey want, an she hassa onwy "fambly isshoo" car obba rank ammychur. Bud Maman is brabe - so she went in ennyway an parked da Buick inna middle ob alla pick-'em-up-trucks. She sed da Buick wooked "short".

So she went inside an finds da 'Lektrick Sekshun an stawts wookin for wall sokits to replace da wun Mouse had peed on. An don'cha know, she sed, dere wasn't jus WUN sokit, dere was wike a hunnert, all wined up. Dere was "kommershural" ones, an "rezzydenshul" ones, an "all-purpose" ones, an "lite" ones an "hebby-dooty" ones an ones for "in-dust-re-al uses" an udder uses dat she don ebben rekonize. An all she knows issat she hasta ged wun wif free holes innit. Well, most obbem on display has free holes.

So sum guy sees her standin dere dyin ob indecision, an axts her "Whut amperage you want?" inna friendly fashun.

An she looks attem an bwinks an she's wike, "I'm sorry?" (Maman appolygyzes for ebberyfing.)

Anna guy smiles an says again, "Whut amerage you want?"

So Maman, being Maman sed, "It's fora Bun Room."

Well, dat perplexes da guy rite dere, cos now he's got no cloo what she's tawkin aboud. So he says he's sorry. So she says dat Mouse peed onna sokit an she hasta repwace it.

So now da guy is geddin a flicker - Maman sed you culd see it in his face, dat atta werd "peed" an "repwace" sumfing was stawtin to click in his hed. An you can say datta guy culd unnerstan datta mouse culd pee onna wight sokit - dat he's geddin da basik outwines obba story here, ebben doh it'ssa wrong story.

So he wooks atta sokits an says, "Well, it can't hurt to habba higher amps. Issa mouse comin back?"

He prob'wy woulda bin hokay if he'd not axted nuffin aboudda mouse, bud he did, an Maman says bwightly,

"Oh Mouse lives there. He's a rabbit."

So she fanks da guy berry much an moobs on toda display obba hextenshun cords, leebin da guy standin dere sorta watchin her leeb wif his hed onna side.

You see, Maman has dis disconnected kind ob intellygence - disconnected frum most peebles reality. She tawks usin real werds in proper sentances, it's just dat her werds leeb udder peebles repeatin da sentances wookin forda hidden meanings.

So a store guy wanders past an she axts him which hextenshun cord will werk wiffa air condishywasher. An da store guy axts her, "How menny BTU's?" an Maman don't know, so she says, "We hadda hextenshun cord bifore, bud Mouse hadda akkydent an now it won't werk."

Anna guy sed, "Oh, well, if you have mice, you needa traps inna exterminating sekshun in isle twenty-free."

An Maman wooks horryfied an says, "Good God, no! Mouse issa Bunny."

Anna store guy wooks confoozled an says, "I fought you sed you hadda mouse."

An Maman says, "I do. He'sa rabbit."

An dere issa momint ob siwence while dey each twy to werk oud whut da udder wun is tawkin aboud.

An Maman says (twyin to be helpful), "Itsa small air condishywasher."

Anna store guy rallies an wooks atta display ob hextenshun cords an axts her (prob'ly bifore finkin dis fru,) "How long do you needit?"

An Maman finks an says, "Da Bun Room is twelbe-by-four'teen."

Which tells him precisely nuffin. But Maman is precise wif her nuffin. Axt her a qwestshun an she'll gib you exact informashun aboud sumfing else. Dis is cos she is imaginin da room in her hed, an seein da winder, an measurin frumma winder toda sokit an knowin da dimenshuns obba room. Den makin da quantum leep in assumin dat da person tawkin to her is seein in dere hed da same fing dat she is seein, she gibs dem infortymashun dey can't use.

Bud she don't realize dis.

Now Dadda knows dis aboud her an he kin keep up wif her, if nod getta jump ahead ob her (which is why most ob dere conbersashuns sound disjointed.). Most peebles can't which is why he married her an udder men didn't.

Anna Home Depot Store Guy was wost. An he knew it. So he gwabs a hextenshun cord an shobes it innu her hands an says, "I fink dis is whut you want, Ma'am."

An she says, "I need two, please."

An he says, "You shouldn't string two ob'em togedder, Ma'am. Fire hazard."

An she says, "Two air condishywashers."

So da guy gibs up, cos he's nod inside ob her hed an seein da air condishywasher dat's in her an Dadda's bedroom along wiffa air condishywasher dat's inna Bun Room da she's seein.

So now she has two wight sokits an two hextenshun cords an she heds toda chek-oud an manages to ged fru dat wiffoud messin wif ennywun's mind. An she finds da Buick nested in wiffa pick-'em-up-trucks an heds home.

I'll tell you boud how ebberyfing geds installed tomorry. Wike ebberyfing else, it wassa nudder 'benchur.

Posted by Our Warren at 8:45 AM EDT
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Tuesday, 11 May 2004
Day Fourteen / 4th Strand
Maman sed I hab falled down onna job as Top Bun cos I didn see "it" comin.

I dunno whut she hexpecks ob me, da stoopid womin.

Ebbery nite, I come outta my habbytat an wook innu ebberybunny else's habbytat an make shure dat dey are all-rite an if ebberyfing wooks hokay, den, dat's it, I figger it's all-rite an I kin go to bed.

I am nod to bwame for whut I can't see.

An I culdn't see dat Mouse was peein ober da side ob his pootie-box.

Mouse didn see it eidder. He's nod an "aim-bifore-peein" kind ob guy. He's more a "pee-an-den-wook-if-I-feel-wike-it" kinda guy.

An ennyway, nun ob us reelized dere wassa 'lektrikal plug down dere onna wall, an ebben if we did, I shure as heck know dat nun ob us knew da darn air condishywasher wuz plugged innu it.

An who knew dat bunny pee wuld cause a big fwash anna bang?

It's not wike we hab funder-storms inna Bun Room ebbery day. *sulk* An nod onwy dat, ebben if we DID hab funder-storms inna Bun Room, dey don happin cos ob Mouse peein, you know?

I jus don see how dis was my fault.

I don ebben see how id was enny ob Mouse's fault.

Whut I DO see issat Dadda shuldn't hab put Mouse's habbytat so cwose toda wall. An I also see dat Mouse's habbytat shuldn't hab been put onna Hope Chest, eidder. I mean, whut were dey hopin for? - dat he wuld miss da 'lektrik plug dat wus rite dere onna wall nextest to him when he peed? *geez*

Mouse has always had good pooty-box habits. He hassa corner pooty-box an he wikes it ober in dat corner, nearest da wall. Dat's kind obba natchural pwace fora bunny to habba pooty-box, near toa wall. Now just how he manages to pee ober da side wiffoud it showin, I don know. Nobunny seed it bifore wast nite, dat's fur shure. Not wike he wuz sprayin all ober da pink paint Maman is so fond ob or ennyfing. When Dadda moobed Mouse's habbytat, da paint onna wall wuz just fine.

Ob course, Mouse wuz a widdle shook up. I mean, it wuz hot inna Bun Room yestidday, so when Dadda comed home frum werk, he told Maman he wuz gonna turn onna Bun Room Air Condishywasher for us, an we fought, "Good". We've hadda air condishywasher now fora whole yeer an it helps keep our room nice ann cool inna Summertime. Bunnies need it to be cool where dey lib cos we wear fur coats no madder whut da season.

So Dadda turned onna Bun Room Wight an gotta Remote Contwol fingie, an pwessed da button to turn onna air condishywasher. Well, dere wassa sizzlin noise, an denna "Whop" sound, anna bwight fwash ob wight, an denna woud "BANG!".

Da wight went oud.

Well, Missy-Bun fumped an ran forit an skittered innu a heap atta back ob her habbytat. Luckie went straight up inna air an came down wif all four paws alreddy engaged, runnin inna cirkle. Beebe fumped and grunted an Dadda yelled, so I comed runnin toda frunt ob my habbytat an fell ober my wader bowl. Poet fell ober Hunny (who was nappin), twyin to ged away to her pooty-box, an Hunny rolled ober a couple ob times, twyin to find all four ob his feets an onwy rememberin where a couple obb'em was.

So dere was sum smoke, an Dadda stawted yellin for Maman, an Maman comes poundin uppa stairs, screamin, "Whut's happinin?" (Wike dis helps. She's a good wun inna 'mergency, she is.) An Dadda shuts offa switch onna wall, gwabs hold obba Hope Chest wif Mouse's habbytat onnit an flings it away frumma wall. Dis upsets Mouse, who suddenwy finds himself moobin sideways atta same time he's twyin to go forwards an he falls ober inna shower ob hay.

Inna meantime, Hunny's discobbered four-paw dribe an is careenin aroun his habbytat, wookin for Poet an fallin ober his tin cup.

An my feets are soaked cos my wadder bowl is uppyside down an I'm standin inna wadder twyin to see whut's goin on.

So, hokay, da smoke is driftin, just wun widdle curl obbit. Mouse jumps back on his paws, hassa lunge at Dadda an bites his hand. Dadda says a Bad Werd.

So Dadda unpwugs da air condishywasher, an Maman's goin aroun to alla habbytats, wookin at alla us. She sets Hunny up on his paws, an geds anudder fluffy towel for me, cos I'm all wet, an sorts Missy outta her tangle wif her toys an hay an stuff. Beebe an Clover are furthest away frum alla commoshun, an dere hokay. Poet is still inna pooty-box, hangin on wif her eyes cwosed, which is whut she does when she's skert. She figgers if she can't see it, den whutebber it is can't ged her. She's a nice bunny, jus not a Deep Finker.

So Dadda shows Maman da Plug frumma air condishywasher, an it's all bwack where it pwugs innu da wall. 'Parently, Mouse has been peein ober da side ob his pootybox all Winter an peein rite onna Plug. He didn pee onna wall or ennyfing else, jus onna Plug. All Winter. An now it's jus wun corroded mess ob pwastic, metal an bunny-pee, so dat when Dadda turned onna 'lektricity toda plug, it just hextploded.

An so Dadda turns to me an says, "Belinda, why didn't you tell me Mouse was pissing on this plug?"

An I'm wike, "Whut?"

An Maman says, "She's fallin down onna job, silly gurl."

An I'm wike, "Hay, waid a minit..."

An den dey WAFFED! At ME!

So I gabe dem da RBB. I mean, HONESTWY!!!

So now we gots no air condishywasher tidday, until Maman anna Lad can go to da Home Depot store an buy a noo plug. An it's gonna be eighty outside! Mite as well be Summer an us wif fur coats on!

An sumhow, I'm sposed to keep an eye on Mouse an where he pees, so dat I kin warn Dadda when dis is likely to happin again.

Yeah. Oh sure. Dat will happin. As if!

Stoopid hoomins!

Posted by Our Warren at 8:40 AM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, 11 May 2004 8:54 AM EDT
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Monday, 10 May 2004
Day Firteen / 4th Strand
You know, SA, you are rite aboud bunnies geddin oud an innu your space. Dis happins heer, too, an it shuldn't.

I mean, as Top Bun, I shuld be allowed oud. Dat's my job, to wook innu ebberyfing an see dat ebberybun is hokay an has god ebberyfing dat dey need alla time, bud nobun is sposed to be in my Habbytat, checkin oud my stuff.

Bud'da udderday, don'cha know, Missy-Bun was in heer. She was jus bisitin, bud dat'issn da point, she was heer an I was a widdle, well, you know, s'sprised to see her sittin in my pooty-box. She didn' stay wong, she jus kinda hopped in, hadda wook at my stuff an hopped on oud, but itssa princypul obba fing: as Top Bun, I do dat to udders, dey don do dat to me.

Well, at weast now I know whutta "Home Inbashun" is, ennyway.

I keep seein dis pop-up ad onna Werld Wide Web dat says to "Hit Da Evil Kangaroo". Whut is wrong wif dees hoomins what makes up dees ads? Don dey know dat dere ARE NO EVIL ANNYMALS? Evil is sumfing dat onwy hoomins hab. Annymals don hab it. Ebben annymals I don wike, dat prey on rabbits aren't evil - dey are jus predytors, doin whut dey were designed to do - namely eat. Dat dey happin to eat rabbits is sumfing obba design flaw dat I don fink was intenshunal. I fink it was sumfing dat happined when da Hoomins god us all frown outta Da Original Garden.

See, I fink dat Originally, alla annymals were designed to ged awong wiffoud eating each udder. Den Hoomins screwed up onna'count ob lissening to Evil an wantin to be wike God. So when dat happined, Evil god innu da werld an screwed up ebberyfing, incloodin relashunships among alla annymals. Berry soon, dere were predytors an prey. We rabbits ended up as Prey.

Not good.

Bud dis doesn' mean datta predytors are evil. It jus means dat dis is how dey turned oud. It's not a choice dat dey made. Not wike sum owl waked up wun mornin an sed: "Hmmmm, I fink tiday I will bekom a carnyvor." Id issn' wike dat.

I don wake up inna mornin an fink, "Hey, I fink tiday I will be a prey annymal."

We don gedda choose.

But hoomins choose to be good or evil alla time. Ebbery choice dat dey make can be wun dat hurts or helps.

By choosin to type in a banner sayin to "Defeet da Evil Kangaroo" onna 'puter, no hoomin is helpin ennywun. Stoopid choice, hello evil.

Most evil fings stawt oud as stoopid ideas, you'll notice, an pwogwess frum dere.

By da way, ditch da diet pills an habba salad. I hab finally figgered it oud - fordyged alla addytibs anna supplymints inna diet. Fordyged alla "fordyfied foods" wif alla chemikals. Nebber mind eatin alla pills dat are sposed to promote dis or dat, wike annyoxydints an stuff, just buy more salad.

Dis is whut I'm twyin to tell Maman - BUY MORE SALAD! We don needa Green Bag an alla dat stuff. Dat way to stay away frumma V-E-T is to eat whut bunnies is sposed to eat - salad an hay. An tweats. Godda hab tweats, but den, bunnies hab tweats ennyway - carrots, appuls, an I'm sure dere issa papaya tablet tree sumwheres, just wike dere are Craisin bogs an Raisin vines inna wild. Udderwise, dey couldn't ged innu da boxes inna stores.

Ennyway, da fing is, EAT MORE SALAD. 'Speshully Spring Mix. Berry good stuff. Hab sum. You'll wike it.

Posted by Our Warren at 9:45 AM EDT
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Saturday, 8 May 2004
Day Twelbe / 4th Strand - New Beginning
Hokay. I fink we're finally straightened oud heer. Dis has been a rough couple ob weeks an no blog.

I wanna fank Mouse for twyin to hold fings togedder while I was gone. He did rilly well an I godda'mire dat, steppin innu da breech wike dat an takin ober wif no preppyrashun time or ennyfing, an nod rilly knowin whut he'd god himself innu. Dat takes a wotta courage, you know?

Bunnies aren't cowards.

So I bedder re-cap whut's been happinin at Our Warren, just so you kin be up-to-date.

1. I got REEL sik. My tummy didn feel good an I wassn eatin or drinkin, so Maman taked me to Dr Sharin an she sent me rite ober to Dr Doolen. Well, Dr Doolen couldn't see me cos he was bizzy wif udder patients, so he hassa noo doktor helpin him named Dr Fanders. So I seed her.
2. Dr Fanders pud me inna hospiddle! Well, dis hospiddle issa same wun I was in when Dr Doolen taked out my bladder stone an id is faraway frum where we libs. Maman an Dadda hasta dribe inna car fora long time to ged dere an Maman comed ebbery day to see me. Auntie Laura Hardy comed to see me, too, an Cricket an Boomer was dere wif me. Maman bringed us salad an Dill an we ate it.
3. I was inna hospiddle for fibe days!!! Dis was cos my tummy wouldn't moob. Den dey put me to sweep an oppyrated on my teef. Nextest day I discobbered dat I could chew bedder. So I stawted eatin alla salad I could cos I was rilly hungree. Onct I stawted eatin, den my stomach stawted to werk again an den da pooties stawted comin oud an I could go home.
4. Dadda god his shoulder hurted at werk. Wunna da machines dat werks by compooter broke an Dadda, who unnerstans dees fings cos he issa Engine-Wif-Ears, went to fix it. Dere wassa big pwate ob steel inna way. He wanted da crane machine to moob da steel, bud sumbun was in too big obba hurry an wanted him anna nudder guy jus to moob da pwate an ged werkin on fixin da machine. So Dadda piked uppa steel an moobed it. Dat hurted his shoulder. At furst, he didn fink ennyfing ob it, budda nextest mornin, it hurted more, so he went toda doktor anna doktor yelled at him an sed Dadda wasn't twenty-fibe enny more. Dadda felt preddy stoopid aboud'dat.
5. Denna Mean Man atta Dadda's werk is still twyin to p'tend dat he is smawt when he is berry stoopid (dis issa same man who finked I shuld be inna pot ~footflicks~) an has been harassin Dadda alla'long twied to make it wook wike Dadda had dun sumfing wrongk when he didn. Dis Mean Man tells bad lies. Dis is stoopid.
6. A berry awful fing happened. A nice man atta werk was killed. Dadda was rite dere, fixin da bwokin machine when Pedro (I wike him. He don know whut to fink ob me!) comed runnin ober to ged Dadda to help. Bud it was too wate for ennybun to help. Da Black Rabbit was alreddy dere.
7. Sistah Beffy hadda go back toda Traffik Cort cos she hadda akkydent wast Winter while she was still sik, an she didn know it, bud she didn' hab no in-shur-ance. So she hadda gedda kind ob 'Turney an now she hasta go back toda Cort inna monf. It wassa stoopid Cort, cos da paper dey sent told Maman dey hadda be dere at 5:00 pm. an Maman rushed an god Beffy dere rite onna sekond, bud dere was nobun dere! In fack, nobun showed up till 5:30, an nuffin happined till 6:15! Maman was BERRY 'nnoyed. She sed it shows disrespect for dem to be wate wike dat wiffoud 'pology, bud dat dey do it cossa pwace is arrygant. It usta be justa widdle village wif normal pebbles innit, bud now dat rich pebbles libs dere an id is berry "trendy", dey hab become snotty, Maman sed.
8. Hunny is slowin down. Maman is berry werried aboud him. He didn ebben take ober assa Top Bun when I was inna hospiddle. Clover taked over an wassa Top Bun, which wassa widdle bid obba 'prise to Maman an Dadda, bud not to me. Missy is too young, an Mouse an Luckie habbin't bin heer wong enuf, an Poet just issn't Top Bun Material. Beebe is all mouf an trousers an dis Warren is usta a gurl bun runnin fings now, so Clover handled it well. She jus comed oud an dida rounds wike I do, wookin innu ebberybun's habbytat an seein dat ebberybun was hokay. She told me, doh, dat Hunny is jus geddin slower an slower. He's nod unhappy or hurtin, he's just slow cept when it comes to treats - den he's onna munny an fast as ennyfing, bud odderwise, he's preddy slow. Maman an Dadda are werried a wot.

So dat's preddy much whut has bin goin on an why dere has bin no blog.

Bud, here I am again an I'm geddin fings back to where dey shuld be. I'm off my meddycins now an hab desided dat I shuld onwy be eatin salad alla time. No more pellets. Afta all, if Dr Doolen sed I shuld hab alla salad I want, den I shuld, so I told Maman an Dadda dat I'm not habbin pellets no more. Just salad, twice a day. Dey are 'justin toda idea. Kourse dis means dat Maman hasta go toda sooper mawkit two times inna week to ged enuf Spring Mix to keep my bowl full, bud she'll gedda hang ob it. Now ebberybun wants to go off pellets, an Maman is werried cos she says Dadda don make DAT much munny dat she can 'ford to feed us all Spring Mix alla time, bud I'mma Top Bun.

I am worf it.

Posted by Our Warren at 9:56 AM EDT
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Wednesday, 28 April 2004
Day Elebben / 4th Strand
Today's Blog will feature a panel of bunnies.
Today's Topic will be: TRUTH (Troof)
Today's Recording Journalist: Mouse

CLOVER: Whutsamatta wif Dadda?
BELINDA: He telled da troof.
HUNNY: Dis issa good fing.
CLOVER: He is upset.
BELINDA: Wookit. Ebberbunny shaddup an I'll tell you whut I heered. Dadda gotted his shoulder hurted at werk an Maman taked him toda hoomin V-E-T - dat wuld be Dokter B - an Dokter B wanted Dadda to be able to go to werk, bud not to do a wotta hebby werk at werk. So ebberybun is up-set. An Dadda is mad cossa sumbun finks he's not tellin Da Troof.
BEEBE: Whut?
BELINDA: Not to do a wotta hebby werk. Wif his shoulder. Da Troof. Which pawt aren't you geddin heer?
BEEBE: Whut?
BELINDA: Not do ennyfing bud werk onna 'puter, hokay? Stay inna office. Not go down an fix enny machines dat don werk. Just stay inna chair. No hebby werk. Why am I ebben 'splainin stuff to you? You don werk ebben onna good day, so how kin you unnerstan da consept ob werk?
BEEBE: I werk at enlargin holes in my habbytat. I gotta good one goin just now, which is more'n I kin say for you, Ms Busy-Body.
BELINDA: I'm goin to go to werk on your butt, Beebe-Smart-Mouf-Bunny! Now stop changin da subjek heer. Ennyways, soda peebles atta werk got mad at Dadda cos he gotted hurted an den he telled dem zactly whut happined an now dey are mad. Anna reason he gotted hurted is cossa dem. Cos he tolda troof.
CLOVER: How's that werk, Belinda?
BELINDA: Wike dis: Dis guy's machine didn werk cossa puter wassn't tawkin wiffit. So Dadda went down to see whuttsamatta wiffit. Well, dere was sum steel inna way so he couldn't see whutwassamatta. So Dadda wooked around forda crane to pik uppa steel an moob it, but sumbun else was usin da crane. So he was waidin for da crane, anna'nudder boss comed by an wanted to know whut he's waidin for. He says he's waidin forda crane. Soda udder boss says gedda job done NOW, don be standin aroun, wastin time. So Dadda piked uppa steel an moobed it, an hurted his shoulder. Bud he didn fink ennyfing ob it, cos he's not so young as he usta be. So he went home anna nextest day, his shoulder hurted bad, so he went toda dokter, which is Doktor B who he allus goes to. So Dokter B wooks atta shoulder an says, "You spwained da shoulder an pinched a nerb." So he writes dat inna note dat he sends to Dadda's werk. Now ebberybun atta werk is mad at Dadda.
CLOVER: Why?
HUNNY: Who is mad?
BELINDA: Well, da guy who told him to moob da steel is mad cos he said dat Dadda wooked fine onna day he moobed da steel. Anna'nudder guy is mad cos he sed Dadda shuldn't hab gone to Dokter B, bud to sum odder dokter atta Clinic sumplace. Anna'udder guy is mad cos Dokter B sed Dadda shuldn't do enny hebby werk. An dey all sed Dadda is not tellin da Troof, bud dey can't figger oud where. Budda fing is dis: Dadda went toda Clinic pwace wike dey wanted anna docter atta Clinic pwace sed da same fing was wrong as Dokter B sed is wrong. So peebles are ebben madder now.
HUNNY: Why didn't Dadda go toda clinic pwace furst?
BELINDA: Cos he wasn' gonna cost da compiny enny munnies. He was jus gonna pay Dokter B an dat wuld be dat. Cos wunna da guys dat is mad is mad cos he sed dat too menny peebles is goin toda Clinic, an now he is mad cos Dadda didn go toda Clinic.
CLOVER: Stupid.
BELINDA: Whut I don unnerstan is why suddenwy ebberybunny wants to hear Dadda tell da "troof" an den when dey heer it, dey say da troof issa wie. He has nebber wied to dem bifore, so why wuld he now?
BEEBE: Do dey want him to wie?
HUNNY: Hoomins say dey hate wies, bud dey all run aroun sayin dat ebberyone tells dem wies alla time. So how do dey know a wie frumma troof?
CLOVER: Whut's it ged Dadda to wie?
BELINDA: Nuffin.
CLOVER: Whut's it ged Dadda to tell da troof?
BELINDA: Nuffin more.
CLOVER: Den whutsamatta wif dees peebles?
MOUSE: Do you know what I think, most esteemed friends?
BELINDA: No, bud I expect you're gonna tell us.
MOUSE: I think that these people have lied all of their lives and expect that everyone else will lie to them. They simply cannot imagine anyone who tells the truth because they, themselves, are incapable of telling the truth. Is it not the thief who always expects to be robbed? Thus then is the liar always suspicious that whomever he meets is deceitful as well. These people aren't angry because Dadda is telling the Truth, they are angry because he has pointed out that they are without honour or intelligence. The man who complains that too many people go to the Clinic over trivial injuries has only himself to blame that Dadda did not go because he did not believe the injury was serious enough to warrant treatment. The man who insisted that he "get on" with moving the steel without waiting for the crane is angry because it points out that he is unintelligent for issuing a possibly dangerous direct order and wishes to conceal his stupidity. The Truth of what happened to Dadda is not of itself of any importance, what is important is that these people care more for their self-image than they do about others. And chances are that they will lie when they report this to anyone higher up than themselves - because at all costs, they must make themselves look good in other peeble's eyes.
BELINDA: So ebben if Dadda is tellin da troof, no wun will belieb him.
MOUSE: No. Because The Truth for those people is always subjective. They believe no one anyway - not their wives, not their children, not their friends, not their employers, not themselves. Truth doesn't matter; Image is everything.
BELINDA: It must suck to be dem!
MOUSE: "A lie can circle the globe before The Truth" can even get it's boots on."
CLOVER: Terry Pratchett.
BEEBE: Who?
HUNNY: He writes good buks to digest. Cept don tell Maman. She gets excited when you digest her best buks. Stick to hay. I hab sum here if ennybun would like to snack...
BELINDA: All I got was stems wast nite an dis mornin.
BEEBE: The bin is gettin empty.
CLOVER: Truth is facts; image is illusions.
MOUSE: It's a shame about peeble and The Truth.
BELINDA: In most ways, it's a shame aboud peeble. An dey fink dey're atta top obba Annymal Kingdom, too. Dat's a waf.
MOUSE: Another lie they tell to themselves...
HUNNY:...and den habba nap. Fings always wook bedder afta a nap, I allus say...

Posted by Our Warren at 10:41 AM EDT
Tuesday, 27 April 2004
Day Ten / 4th Strand
Most Welcomed Guests. I am Mouse, still here, keeping up the honourable Elder, Miss Belinda's, Blog.

The Honourable Miss Belinda is consuming salad just now. In fact, she is consuming all the salad she can get and has asked out dear Maman for more. And more. And more. She is asking for so much salad that dear Maman is going to ask the wonderful and much esteemed Healer, Dr Doolen, if she should give into the Honourable Miss Belinda's demands for constant, never-ending handouts of salad. It is a wonder to me that there is so much salad in the world!

The most honourable Elder Miss Belinda is, not to put too fine a point on it, very insistent with her demands. To not hand it over is in her beautiful eyes, a crime punishable by the giving of the Royal Bunny Butt on every possibly occasion. Consequently, she has her face turned into the corner more or less ALL OF THE TIME! A permanent state of *SNIT*.

Last night brought about two interesting events.

First, I was visited by the Honourable Miss Clover Bun.

Miss Clover is quiet. She does not speak a great deal. This is a consequence of being bonded to the ever-speaking Beebe-Bunny. Sliding in a word in the company of Beebe-Bunny is possible only when he pauses to draw breath. And then one must be very quick. Miss Clover has become adept at sliding in words into pauses. With one word, she can express more than most rabbits can in whole pre-written speeches.

I met her when her head appeared at my door.

"You are?"

"Mouse."

"You are?"

"Happy on the whole. Might I invite you to be snuffled that we might,"

And thereupon, her head vanished, only to reappear again, ears turned sidewise.

"Papaya treats comin. Hab as menny as y'want. Don bite Dadda. His shulder hurts. Maman's gibbin hay. Don shout ad Hunny. He don feel gud. 'Nite."

And she was gone. And then she was back.

"Nice t'meet'cha."

And she was gone again.

Which was remarkable when one considers that previously I have only ever met Clover in the company of Beebe and then she was a most silent, dignified rabbit of a calm, matronly persuasion. Indeed, were I a youngbun without friend or family, I should find myself willingly cuddled up to her warm and motherly side.

From which, were I a small youngbun, I would be chased by Beebe who is a Tiny Terror, or wishes to be known as such. He is, as he never tires of telling us, in some alternate reality known only to himself, "A Very Big Rabbit".

The other unique occurrence of the night was the appearance of Missy-Bun, a large and most attractive youngbun of the California type. Missy is Bunderful! She is quite breathtaking in her ample softness. And yet, with perfect innocence she does not seem to realise how lovely she is. Big feets, little loppy ears, large eyes, a luxurious loppy crown, and generous dewlap, all perfectly coloured in neat California black-and-white, she is a most fetching bunny. Her sweet nature accentuates her beauty.

And last night, she appeared at my habitat door.

"Um, Mouse?"

"Yes, My Beauty?"

"Um, hi."

"Hello."

"Er, Hiya. Got Craisins?"

"Will you come in, dear lady?"

"Got papaya tablets?"

"I have beautiful hay, which pales by comparison to your luminous eyes."

"Yeah, well, thanks. Um. Hi."

"Hello, Gorgeous."

"Um. Gotta go! Bye!"

A uniquely disappointing turn of events. Perhaps our dearest Maman will permit Missy-Bun to return to visit with your most humble Mouse this evening. Even better should I be permitted out to visit with her!

I have not understood this "Bonding" of which our Maman speaks so highly. Seeing as how Hunny and Beebe live so contentedly full time with their sweet-natured does, perhaps I shall consider also sharing my habitat full-time with a doe. Missy-Bun would grace the life of any single bun who finds himself adrift in life without a warm snuggle. I have not given this much previous thought.

Perhaps I should.

As always, most esteemed Guest, I remain, most thoughtfully,
Your most humble
Mouse

Posted by Our Warren at 9:39 AM EDT
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