Now Playing: Politics... Oh for Goodness' Sake!
You know, I didn't want to have to say it, but I'm going to have to. Hoomins deserve to Know: Hoomins who write about Hoomin Politics are Stoopit.
That's All There Is To It. Stoopit. Dumb. Uninformed. Not Bright. Not 'Tellygint.
That issa view frum Wun Small Bunny, lemme tell you.
Hokay, so heer is Whut Happined...
I was sitting with Maman this morning onna'count obba Fakt that she doesn't feel good. The Weather is closing in, anna Map-Guys onna Wedder-Channel onna Tellyvision anna Nashunal Wedder Service are all saying that there are Thunderstorms moving in, and Maman's Migraine is acting up assa'Vanced Warning System that pretty much says the Forecast is Spot On. Plus her hands are all swollen and sum of her Other Joints aren't doing the Jobs they are designed to do, and none of her Meddysin is doing whut it is designed to do, either - so you could say there's Failure On All Parts to Perform As Advertised and she is preddy miserable.
So I went to sit with her in her Study and we read the Noospapers togedder. When Wun Bunny inna Warren doesn't feel good, it always helps for Anudder Bunny to share those feeling with them. That is part of Alla Us Togedder, part of being inna Warren, and it is Important.
Ennyways, so Maman and I were reading The Guardian Online UK, which issa noospaper that she used to read when she lived in Lancashire. And inna Guardian, there wassa article by this writer named Paul Harris that claimed to expose the "Real" John McCain. And guess what the article claims? In tones of hushed, whispersy, conspiratorial confidentiality, Mr Harris confides in his readers that he knows for certain that Senator McCain hassa - *theatrical gasp* - "dark side"!
And Maman and I are reading this article, and I look up at Maman and I'm like, "Whutsamatta with this Harris guy? Is he a political neophyte or whut?"
And Maman says, very patiently, "No dear, he's a political writer trying to explain an American political candidate for President to a British audience."
And I'm like, "Um, well, lookit - the 'British People' can't be *that* dumb. They 'lected their very own Tony Blair. They know Politics issa game of shadows and mirrors, so howcome they need some noospaper writer to tell them that McCain isn't Whut He Seems? No professional politician is Whut S/He Seems. That's part of politics - Not Being Whut S/He Seems While Seeming To Be It."
And then I added. "Dadda isn't *that* dumb, and he's British."
And Maman said, "Your Dadda is uncommonly intelligent, George."
And I waggled my ears to signal that I agreed with her.
Because it *is* Troo - Our Dadda knows that Politicans are Real Professionals and are no more Whut They Appear to be than actors playing a role inna Moovie. No one, for hextample, gets to be the leading member of a mainstream political party by being an Outsider. Outsiders remain onna out-side - which is why they are are called "OUT-Siders"" they are onna out-side obba main-stream finking, looking inside.
Which of course means that the In-Siders remain firmly onna IN-Side. And that the IN-siders inna mainstream Political Party can talk all they want about being the agents of Historic Change and alla that Stuff - but the Fakt remains that they are firmly stuck IN-Side of their Political Party and they intend to remain there - or they won't have their Party's support and they won't be elected President obba United States.
In udder werds, Mr Harris' article on Senator McCain contained No Surprises. I mean, I guess *he* thought it did. He thought he was writing a Hextpose (this issa Hoomin French Werd that means "noticing the Emperor Has No Clothes when everyone else is studiously Ignoring Dat Fakt") and I guess he is hextpressing his Jornalistic Integritty, or sumfing by writing for a Very Impressive Noospaper like The Guardian.
But it's no Big Sekret that Senator McCain or Senator Obama Are Not Whut They Seem. It is Not Noos.
We alreddy know that. They are politican. Of course they are Not Whut They Seem. What is important is how close do they come to Whut They Seem? How far does each man diverge frum his own "Truth" - and how much of that "Truth" are the American voters prepared to live with, if they elect that man to run the country?
Now in Our Warren, Maman likes parts of Whut Each Senator has had to say - but she in no way agrees with either candidate's "Total Package". She believes that each Wun, assa Politican issa fundmental liar who has ties to people and ideologies and agendae to which niether wun ascribes, but to which each wun is also inextricably obligated. That is the Nature Of Politics - at Best it forces hoomins to make Deals With the Devil in order to achieve their personal goals, and often the Furst Fing that is sacrificed on the Altar of Ambition is Personal Integrity.
And you know whut? Being TopBunny inna Warren is not easy, so I can't even Imagine whut it would be like to wanna be TopBunny inna United States.
I mean, fings are hard enuf assit is - 'specially since Cokie is *rilly* upset over accidentally being shaved innu "Pussin'Boots" atta V-E-T's and he is still trying to take it out onna Dawg who still smells like "Collie-Slick" frum habbin' been toda Spa. So Yestidday, da Dawg came by, waving his tail and spreading that icky smell of collie-slick all through the BunRoom, and Foxie took a lunge at him, onna'count obba Fakt that he passed 'specially close by her habbytat - onna'count obba Fakt he wasn't finking (he seldom does).
And Mr Mouse got hextcited onna'count obba Fakt he thought she was lunging at him - which she wasn't - but Mouse grunted and that startled Dusty who was napping beside his water-crock, so he woke up before his brain did and did a coupla laps around his habbytat before he realised Nuthin' Was Going On...
BUT... onna'count obba Fakt that Dusty *thumped* and sorta ran a coupla Panic Laps in his habbytat and made a whole lotta racket over the Fakt he didn't know Whut Was Going On (which was Nuthin'), Maman (who was inna Kitchin) comes running innu the BunRoom and she's like, "Whuttsamatta, George? Missy! Are you bossing George around over the treats again?"
And Missy is sitting there, half-dozing in Loaf-position and not paying enny'tenshun to ennyfing at all, BUT when Maman comes dashing in, she's suddenly got her ears up and she's axtin', "Treats? Whut treats? George has got treats?"
And me, who is TopBun, I'm sitting there and I can't even *begin* to hextplain Whut Just Happined. And I'm suddenly trying to beat off Missy who is trying to poke her whole head up my left nostril to see if I got Parsley Breath
How do you hextplain Nuthin'?.
So I can't see why ennybunny would wanna become President obba United States!
But in My 'Pinion, this whole article in The Guardian (which udderwise seems to be a perfktly 'Specktable Noospaper) by this Mr Harris (who seems to be a perfketly 'Specktable, if Hextcitable Journalist) about "Hextposing" Senator McCain as having a "Dark Side" is just a nudder hextample of supposed InnelLectual Europeans trying to Hextplain American Politics to people who really don't care. I mean, the British have their own politcs to werry about - they have Gordon Brown and nobunny deserves him!
But Mr Harris writing about Senator McCain? Is he gonna tell us nextest week about the "dark side" of Senator Obama? (Bet you he won't, because he either a.) he getting munny frum him, or he will b.) claim to have and suddin attack of "principles".)
Rather, he should try telling people sumfing they don't know, instead of taking up people's time with anudder Whole Lotta Nuthin'!
-------------------------------- By George!