The Hay Diaries
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28 May, 07 > 3 Jun, 07
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14 May, 07 > 20 May, 07
30 Apr, 07 > 6 May, 07
23 Apr, 07 > 29 Apr, 07
16 Apr, 07 > 22 Apr, 07
2 Apr, 07 > 8 Apr, 07
26 Mar, 07 > 1 Apr, 07
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12 Mar, 07 > 18 Mar, 07
5 Mar, 07 > 11 Mar, 07
26 Feb, 07 > 4 Mar, 07
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12 Feb, 07 > 18 Feb, 07
22 Jan, 07 > 28 Jan, 07
15 Jan, 07 > 21 Jan, 07
8 Jan, 07 > 14 Jan, 07
1 Jan, 07 > 7 Jan, 07
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29 May, 06 > 4 Jun, 06
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1 May, 06 > 7 May, 06
24 Apr, 06 > 30 Apr, 06
17 Apr, 06 > 23 Apr, 06
6 Mar, 06 > 12 Mar, 06
27 Feb, 06 > 5 Mar, 06
13 Feb, 06 > 19 Feb, 06
6 Feb, 06 > 12 Feb, 06
30 Jan, 06 > 5 Feb, 06
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2 Jan, 06 > 8 Jan, 06
19 Dec, 05 > 25 Dec, 05
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3 Oct, 05 > 9 Oct, 05
27 Jun, 05 > 3 Jul, 05
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16 May, 05 > 22 May, 05
11 Apr, 05 > 17 Apr, 05
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28 Mar, 05 > 3 Apr, 05
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Sunday, 10 February 2008
George's 2008 Second Strand: Day Number 10
Now Playing: Open Problem

Hmmmm...

Sumfing is going on Heer.

Not quite Right, lemme tell you.

Very Early This Morning while it Still Looked Like Dark, Maman waked up and came shuffling outta The Bedroom, wiffa Dawg trailing behind her.

Anna'course Da Dawg wanted to Go Out Onna Morning Patrol. That's his Furst Job on enny day, and you know how Border-Collies are about Their Jobs.

So Maman unlocked the door but she couldn't get the Knob To Turn. Couldn't get her fingers to Go Around It.

So she's standing there In Her Bafrobe and she says to Da Dawg, "Lookit, you just went out Not Long Ago, so I know you're not on 'Full'. So let's just go Uppystairs and Herd Catz. Hozz'at?"

And because you can distract Da Dawg with a Feather, he's like, "Hokay! Catz! Where'da Catz! Catz!" and runs off to the bottoms of the Stairs to wait for her to pour her Big Cuppa Coffee.

So they go Uppystairs and I hear Maman telling Da Dawg to "Sit!" and not to tip her over while she's figgering out how to opin the Door Atta Top Obba Stairs.

So I guess she gets that to happin, and I hear all kinda foot-steps Uppystairs.

And Missy and I are Downnstaits in Our Habbytats.

And Missy is, like, "Whuttaheck is up wiff'at?"

But I don't know, because Maman was only talking toda Dawg and Not To Us.

So I tell Missy, "Hab sum hay and habba nap." because that's the Advice of me,Hunny *Senior Bun* of Our Warren, and it applies to most situations where you don't know Whut Else To Do.

So we do that for A While, and then Dadda wakes up, anna Dawg comes downnastairs to see Whut That's About, and Dadda sends him Out On Patrol inna Back Gardin while Dadda makes Tea.

Well, Dadda hassa look inna Salad Bank. It's not *quite* Eight O'clock Inna Morning, but I sit up and do some Cute, Just-In-Case, you know, making myself available in case there might be any Baby Organic Carrots in the offing.

And Missy climbs up onna High Ground inna Pootie-Box and goes, "Hey! You!"

But Dadda gets distracted, shuts the door of the Salad Bank and says to Mouse, "Bugger. No milk."

And Mr Mouse looks up at him and grunts, "Not my problem, son." and turns his back on him (which is Lagomorphin for "I really don't care what your problems are, I have bigger ones and you're not taking note of them; therefore I am not taking notice of you. See?" Rabbits have a more highly evolved body-language for communicating in burrow-tunnels than hoomins. Nothing says "I don't care" quite so much as clogging up sumbunny's access-route with your bum, and then watching them get upset over your shoulder!).

And then Maman comes back Downnastairs while Dadda goes off to Get Milk.

And Maman tries to Let In Da Dawg onna'count obba Fakt the Wind has begun to slam *rilly* hard innu Our Warren's Memorial Window, and she says she is 'fraid Da Dawg will blow away!

Whutebber.

So she's there with Both Hands onna Doorknob, struggling away and nothing is happining. The doorknob isn't turning, no matter which way she puts her hands onnit.

And onna'udder side'obba'door, Da Dawg hears her and starts to Let Her Know that "Yup! I'm Out Heer! Lemme In!" by barking at her.

So Mamn yells, "Shaddup, Marc!" through the door.

Anna Dawg hears her trying with the doorknob again and finks he Should Encourage Her onna'count obba Fakt that's Whut Herding Dawgs Do - they Encourage Their Herd to Do The Right Fing - and he's a He's a Herding Dawg all right, and he finks Maman is part ob his Pack or Herd or whutebber, and besides, she said His Name, which issa Sort Of Occasion (In Dawg Society) for Barking, ennyways, onna'count obba Fakt it is Recognition.

So Da Dawg barks, "Lemme in! Lemme in! Lemme in!"

And Maman shouts back through the door, "Shaddup, Marc! Be quiet! I'm trying to let you in, you dopey Dawg!"

And she's rattling the doorknob even more, but it's Still Not Turning onna'count obba Fakt she can't seem to Get Her Hands around it.

So the Dawg is now still onna Wrong Side Obba Door and he's getting Werried, onna'count obba Fakt that it's dawned on him that The Rest of His Pack (Maman and Us) is on *this* side obba Door and he's on *that* side obba Door. And if there is Wun Fing that will Werry a Dawg, it's Not Being Part Obba Pack.

So, now we're talking Panic and he starts barking Even More Encouragement to Maman: "Hurry up! Lemme in! Lemme in!"

So, finally, Maman gets the doorknob to turn! And she re-adjusts her hands onna doorknob and jerks the Door *rilly* Hard, and it Opins Up, and she stumbles backwards innu Our Habbytat. So she says,

"Sorry George. Hang on, Missy!"

And opins uppa Screen Door (that has glass innit forda Winter).

And there issa Dawg, Outside, onna Steps. And onna'count obba Fakt that he can see and smell the Rest Obba Pack, he's Suddinly All Joyous and Waggy!

And there issa Big Blast of Cold Air that yanks Hard atta door, and it Sweeps on Through to Smack Innu MissyBun hard enough to Drive her Offa High Ground. And Maman yells innu The Wind,

"Come on, Marc! Get inna Houz!"

And guess whut happins?

Da Dawg runs DownnaSteps, all Joyous and Waggy, innu the Back Gardin and stands there in alla Cold and Wind and barks to Maman,

"Gedda Ball! Gedda Ball! Wanna Play! Gedda Ball!"

So there's Maman in her Bloo Bafrobe, hanging half outta the Back Door anna Dawg alla way innu the Back Gardin with the wind Howling All Around Them, flinging Maman's hair ebberywheres, and coming innu Our Habbytat, and blowing hay all through the BunRoom - and there's the Dawg, barking his Fool Head Off, axting Maman to Come Outside and Play With Him!

Like that's gonna happin!

So Maman's hollering atta Dawg, "No, Marc!"

Anna Dawg is being all Hoyous and Waggy: "Getta Ball! Gotta Play!"

And finally Maman yells at him, "Get in heer, you Stoopit Dawg!"

Inna Tone of Voice that Snaps Da Dawg right outta Joyous and Waggy and innu Possibly-Misbehaving-But-Loyal. Which in Border-Collie is Not Good. And Border-Collies hate being Not Good. It is Way Too Close to the Forbidden "bad Dawg" Zone.

So then Da Dawg sorta skulks inside, and slinks past Maman going low and fast, and he stops in front obba cupboard where she keeps the Milk-Bone Dawg Biscuits.

And he looks back over his shoulder at Maman.

And that is Canine Body-language, that is more highly developed than hoomin, too. And Whut Da Dawg was saying was, "Lookit, I know I was a semi-not-so-Good-Dawg, but can I habba cookie, ennyways? Please? I am your Best Forebber Friend and Part Obba Pack."

So I stood up and periscoped, which is Lagomorphin Basic Cute - because if there were gonna be Treats onna go, I was gonna make sure Alla Us Togedder were gonna get sum!

So Maman got inna Salad Bank, and gotta bag of Baby Organic Carrots opin. Then she couldn't get Our Habbytats opin! So, she pushed Baby Organic Carrots through the sides, which was hokay, because it was the Usual Number and I managed to Sit On Wun and Eat The Udder.

Anna Dawg got his Milk-Bone Dawg Biscuits.

But Maman habbin Trubble Opining Fings is gonna be a Problem if This Keeps Up. Body-language or not!

---------------------------------------------------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 1:18 PM EST
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Saturday, 9 February 2008
George's 2008 Second Strand: Day Number 9
Now Playing: Wun Good Fing

Hoppy Birfday to Our Sheeba's Unkul Peter!

Yeah!

I should have typed that Yestidday, seeing as how that's about the Onliest GOOD FING that happined to Us Yestidday, but I couldn't get near the 'puter onna'count obba Fakt that there ended up to be a Houz Full of People, beginning with Phil and Laura. Which wasn't too bad because Laura gives us Treats When NoBun Is Lookin', which Mr Mouse says is "Hokay" and more-than-makes-up-for Phil playing Tail-Tweaks with him.

But like I told Mouse, "If you wouldn't *grunt* at him, Phil wouldn't Play Tail Tweaks with you. He only does it because you *grunt*."

And Mouse said to me, "Well, of course I *grunt*! You'd *grunt* too if sumbun walked up Behind You, Tweaked your Tail and said, 'Bunny Butt!'."

And I said to Mouse, "But that's the fing: I don't. I just ignore him and then he Tweaks My Tail, says 'Bunny Butt!' and I pretend he's Not Ebben There. And he goes, 'You're No Fun, George.' and goes away to Tweak Your Tail."

And Mouse went to have anudder look through his hay and kept on grumbling, but that's Mouse for you.

So I didn't get to Type a Blog Entry for the Hay Diaries yestidday and a lot of it was Maman's Fault.

She said Alla Us Togedder have to Get Over alla this Feeling 'Titled.

Well, I dunno Whut She Means.

Like Yestidday Morning, it was like Eight O'clock Inna Morning and we hadn't had Treats yet, so I was just hanging around by the Salad Bank inna BunRoom, just in case sumbun came past. I was going to be try and be Helpful by beminding them that the Standing Clock inna Living Room was about to chime Eight Times and Alla Us Togedder were Ready to Have Our Treats.

At least I am polite, unlike Sum Catz I know who come Downnastairs at *Bifore* Ten O'clock At Night and start Yeowling at Dadda, telling lies that their Stomach Is Saying Their Throat's Been Cut.

Yeah.

So ennyways, I was just hanging around the Salad Bank, sorta FellowCraftin' and being Available For Feeding (just like I was in Grand Lodge) and Maman comes in to fold the Laundry Inna Dryer.

And she was Talking Onna Telephone with Dadda atta Same Time. And she said to him, "Oh look, dear, here's George. He's been awake all day today. I don't know Whut's Gotten Innu Him. He's usually awake All Night and Asleep During the Morning."

So just to be sociable, I said, "I told Dusty to stay awake Onna'Lert and told Mouse to watch him. So I slept Lastest Night fora'Change."

And that's 'zacktly Whut Maman Told Dadda. And then she Went On, "And he's just been the Bizziest Little Bunny-boy today!" and reached over to give me Cheek-Chucks which is sumFing I sus'peshually like. So I sorta cuddled up to her and the towels she was folding, looked up and Turned On My Cute.

And Maman is like, "George..." and giggled.

But she sorta Pushed Me Back with her hand.

And I thought, "Hang on. I bemember frumma Lore As It Was Told To Me By me,Hunny that Once Upon A Time, Phil Pushed Belinda Bunny Back With Disasterous Consequences.

Onna'count obba Fakt that there issa Rool: Nebber Push A Bunny Away.

Yeah. Belinda made that Rool. Belinda Bunny made most obba Roolz that we have in Our Warren, and they are inna Lore As It Was Told To Me By me,Hunny *Senior Bun* of Our Warren, onna'count obba Fakt that Belinda was an Inkwish Spot HouzRabbit and they are Take-Charge Bunnies and Project-Oriented Bunnies by Nature.

And Alla Us Togedder value Our Lore, as do most HouzRabbits. And ebberybunny Obeyed Belinda's Roolz, lemme tell you

So assa TopBunny of Our Warren, and more or less having earned the position by having known Belinda In Person and by being able to pee-the-furthest, I couldn't just sit there FellowCraftin' and let Maman Push Me Aside!

So I sidled up to her and stuck my nose unner'neaf of her hand and flipped it up on top of my head so she could have a Second Chance to Pet Me - onna'count obba Fakt that Dr Sharin wrote that I am a "Small NZ" Bunny and we Nat'churally Have More Patience than Inkwish Spot Bunnies like Belinda.

And Maman gave my ears a Coupla' Pets and then said to Dadda:

"This Little George Bunny is acting Entirely Too 'Titled!"

And she had stopped petting my ears!

And I was, like, "Hey!"

So, being Helpful, but not wanting to seem Grumpy, I started snuffling Up Her Arm, to see if I could find her hand again. And don't you know, there it was, holding the phone. So I thought to myself,

"Lookit, Dadda is prob'ly bizzy and here's Maman taking up alla his time when she she prob'ly could be getting back to these towels."

So I got down and began nosing around inna towels she was folding to sorta helpfully bemind her that there was Werk Around Heer.

And she Pushed Me Away frumma towels!

And I was, like, "Hey!"

Onna'count obba Fakt that I was only trying to be helpful and here I Got Pushed Away (which is Against The Roolz!) a Second Time!

And I heard Dadda axt Maman Whut I Was Doing, and Maman said I was Going To George the towels!

Yeah, well, I wasn't going to do *that*! I was just beminding her that the towels were there, you know, just there...

And I heard Dadda Laugh!

And that's Against the Roolz, too - onna'count obba Fakt that Belinda Bunny  said that Bunnies Shuld Allus Be Treated Wif Diggity!

And Laughing at Bunnies Issa Indiggity!

So, you know, like That's *Rilly* Bad!

So I *thumped*.

And the Dawg-nose appeared around the corner of the cupboard inna Kitchin and the Dawg said, "Whutssamatta, George-the-Bun?"

And Maman said, "Marc! Go lie down!" Just like that, without Even Axting Me!

And onna telephone, Dadda laughed and said that he didn't need to Have Anudder towel that had "Bunny Lace" chewed innu it, that summa the bath towels had Enuf Holes Without George Making More!

Well, lemme tell you, I don't chew holes or make Stoopit "Bunny Lace"! When I chew sumfing, I am helpfully making marks in stuff so that enny strange bunnies will know that there issa Warren In This Houz and that it is Full Of Alla Us Togedder! Marking Territory is Whut I Do as Top Bunny of Our Warren!

Geez!

And then Maman said to Dadda, "It's because I haven't given them their Treats. They're Entirely too 'Titled. Just like everybunny Else Around Heer. Even the Dawg finks He Needs Treats at Eight O'clock Inna Morning!"

And, of course, when Da Dawg hears the werd "Treats", his head pops back around the corner obba cupboards, and he's got his ears up and his nose going and he looks at Maman and axts, "Treats?"

And Maman gets up and says to him, "I told you to lie down!"

And Da Dawg is like, "Oh. Hokay." And off he goes again.

And Maman said to Dadda, "Well, I'd best go. I've got Everybunny demanding Fings Frum Me. You'd think I was Some Kind Of Slave around here, working to their time-table, really you would. I can't even get the laundry folded for them interfering and demanding this-and-that!" and she laughed!

And I'm, like, "HOLD ON! I haven't axted for WUN FING FRUM YOU, WADY!"

But you know, *rilly* Whut's The Point? I mean, you sit here, trying to be helpful, being available to be fed and beminding hoomins that they have bedda fings to do than to natter away the day onna telephone, and Whut Happins?

They Shove You Away, they Break Da Roolz, they are Late With Treats and then you get Showered With Indiggities.  AND THEN YOU GET TOLD: "You're acting Entirely Too 'Titled" - whutebber *that* is!

The onliest WUN GOOD FING about yestidday about which I can type issat Yestidday Sheeba's Very Own Our Unkul Peter got Borned, lemme tell you!

--------------------------------------------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 11:37 AM EST
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Thursday, 7 February 2008
George's 2008 Second Strand: Day Number 7
Now Playing: Hey!

Hey! Guess whut Judge Rudy Esquhare told me? Her mawmie, Our Auntie Michelle is inna Newsday Noospaper Today! You can read the article heer.

Yeah!

Our Auntie Michelle issa Suffolk County Assistant District Attorney and she issa Wun Person alla Animals can turn to to Be A Voice for the Voiceless! She works with the Animal Cops, getting the mean animal abusers they arrest. She convicts and punishs the abusers for alla bad Fings they do to animals.

Not a lotta lawyers do this - but sum do, and the Wuns That Do, need to be Recognised!

And that's anudder Fing that I need to tell you! Did you see that it was Smokey's mawmie, Our Auntie PatriciaNa, mawmie to Rainbow Tulip and Our Rainbow Empress Ivy, who made Little Rainbow Ashy, Dandelion King's Dandelion Throne?

Yeah!

I mean, we're talking Real Designer Fashions for Fine Living As An Urban Rabbit! I *rilly* dunno why there are not more HouzRabbit Monarchs that are not demanding similar thrones for their own Kingdoms!

With Bunnies, Royalty is more about Perception than bloodline. It's sumfing you either have or your don't, but not like you can just Get It Anywheres or Find It Lying Around (like the Isle of Man). It's more like Who You Know You Are, rather than Who Your Mawmie (or Dadda) Was. We trace our heritage by our Warrens, not our Parents. So the Ruling Biznizz is pretty Big so far as Alla Us are concerned. We're all Legends in Our Own Spheres, which is preddy much hextends about Wun Foot Alla'round Us In Enny Direckshun.

So we prob'ly All Need Thrones.

Anna Design Werked Out by Auntie Patricia for Rainbow Ashy seems just about Perfeckt In All Respekts.

It is Sumfing to Aspire to, ennyways. Maman says the Pursuit of Ellygance issa Legitimate Hextercise. So when I see Ellygance, it will be hokay for me to chase afta her.

But for now, I gotta deal with Missy, onna'count obba Fakt that she's here and I'm preddy much obba Wun Bun-gurl Guy.

But you know, this getting - and eating - of treats is *rilly* getting to me, lemme tell you. Maman puts four Baby Organic Carrots innu Our Habbytat and she allus says the same fing:

"Share."

Uh huh. Yeah. Like that's *rilly* gonna happin!

Onna'count obba Fakt that as soon as those four Baby Organic Carrots come innu Our Habbytat, MissyBun comes bustling frum where-ebber she happins to be and promptly CUBBERS at least TWO of them with her Gen'rus Pro'porshunate Bum and starts to eat wunna the wuns that's left!

And I'm left sitting there considering the TWO Baby Organic Carrots that she is not covering up with her Gen'rus Pro'porshuns, and I'm like,

"HEY!"

And Missy looks up at me with her mouth pouched full of Carrot and she's like, "Whut?"

And I'm like, "I was gonna eat that!"

And she's like, "Lookit, I'm sharin'! I left you wun!"

And I'm like, "But there were FOUR ob'em."

And Missy's all innocent-like, and she axts me, "Where?" and then continues eating like there's nothing funny going on.

So I start in on the wun Baby Organic Carrot what's sitting there, onna'count obba Fakt if I don't, that wun is gonna start going the same way as the Furst Wun.

So I say to Missy between bites of Carrot, "I know you're sitting on TWO carrots."

And Missy says, "Not that I can feel." and afta she takes the last bite of her carrot she looks around at either side of her bum and then looks at me and adds, "Nope. I don't see enny more Baby Organic Carrots. Howa'bout I hab sum obba yours?"

And I'm like, "NO!" and start pulling my carrot outta her way, when she just reaches over and grabs a'hold of it, right as it's in my mouth!

So I'm holding on tight, lemme tell you! And I'm at her through my teeth, "Ger'offa my carrot!"

And Missy's holding on to the udder end of the Baby Organic Carrot just as tightly and talking through her teeth, too, and she says, "Maman said to share!"

And I'm like, "Lookit, I just shared more than my part with you!"

And she gives a big, old yank onna Baby Organic Carrot and since she's bigger than I am, I go stumbling forwards, still hanging on to the carrot.

And just about then, Maman goes by again and she reaches innu the Habbytat and she's like,

"MissyBun Harper!"

And Missy isn't letting go of her end of the carrot, even with Maman right there!

And then Maman reaches unner'neaf of Missy's butt, and Missy's like, "Whoa!" but she's *still* not letting go obba carrot!

And it's MY Baby Organic Carrot!

So I'm there onna udder end obba carrot and I'm yelling, "Maman!"

And Maman comes up with the udder two Baby Organic Carrots that Missy has been sitting on, and covering up, hiding, with her Gen'rus Pro'porshuns!

And Maman says, "Missy! I told you to share with George! How menny times do I have to tell the two of you?"

And then she PUSHES ME OFFA THE END OF MY CARROT!

YEAH!

Can you believe it?

Maman pushes me offa the end of MY BABY ORGANIC CARROT and puts the udder two down in frunt of me. And she says, "Here you go, George. If Missy's going to steal yours, then you can have these."

And so there I am, looking at these two Baby Organic Carrots that have been unner'neaf of Missy's Bum of Gen'rus Pro'porshuns (!!), and then I look at Maman and then at Missy - WHO IS EATING MY CARROT!

And I say to Maman, "That's NOT the point."

And Maman is like, "Whutsamatta, George? Don't you want the carrots?"

And I'm like, "That's not the point!"

And Maman is like, "Don't you feel good, George?"

And I'm like, "I feel fine. That's-not-the-point..."

And then Maman starts to feel my ears and she says, "Your ears feel normal. You're not getting sick, are you?" and she calls Dadda: "Brian! George isn't eating his carrots! Maybe he doesn't feel good?"

And I'm looking at her and looking at Missy chewing on MY CARROT and I'm like,

"Hey! Wady! You don't unner'stand!"

But now Maman's onna train-that-don't-stop-till-it-hits-the-station.

And she calls Dadda again, "Brian? George isn't eating his carrots..."

And out comes Dadda. And he looks at me and I look at him and then at Missy eating the LAST BITE OB MY CARROT!

And Dadda looks at Maman and says, "I don't think there's anything wrong with George, except Missy's eating his carrot, dear."

And then he looks over at me again and says, "And let me tell you, son," he says, "I'd be mightily put out with the Auld Bug-a-Lugs, too!"

----------------------------------------------------- By George.! 


Posted by Our Warren at 11:03 AM EST
Updated: Thursday, 7 February 2008 2:41 PM EST
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Wednesday, 6 February 2008
George's 2008 Second Strand: Day Number 6
Now Playing: The Herd-in-Kin-Tuck-Eee Heard Sirens Inna Night!

Hokay, now *this* Hay Diaries Entry actually started Late Last Night, around when Maman and Dadda were inna BunRoom, poking around inna Salad Bank, looking for Greens...

Anna telephone rang and Maman got it.

And we could hear the voice of The Herd-in-Kin-Tuck-Eee's Our Auntie Grace onna telephone, and she was talking LOUD onna'count obba Fakt that there wassa terrible loud sound of sirens screaming through the night inna background!

And alla suddin, alla colour drained right outta Our Maman's face!

And she RAN outta the BunRoom!

And Missy's like, "HEY! Wady! You left the Salad Bank door opin! Come back heer!"

So Mouse figgerd that This Was Not Right and sent Da Dawg to run afta her and see Whut's Going On.

So Maman stumbled Uppystairs, followed by Dadda (who was sort ob pushing her, too, Da Dawg said later) anna Dawg, who was by this time Onna Mission, and atta Full Run, so was trying to Squeeze By the Two Of Them All Struggling Togedder trying to ged uppystairs onna Staircase. Assa Dawg says, he doesn't need Agility Training, onna'count obba Fakt he lives with the Two Ob Them.)

And Dadda yelled atta Cokie-Cat, who was Clogging Uppa Doorway atta Top Obba Stairs, "MOVE, Cat!"

So Cokie moved but, of course inna Wrong Direction and so now, Alla Us Togedder down inna Bun Room could hear the sound of Ebberybunny Uppystairs Trying to Get Through the Wun Doorway Innu Maman's Study At Once.

It's a Very Confoozled Sound, when you are Down Inna BunRoom anna Rest Obba Warren is Uppystairs pounding around like ellyfants, lemme tell you!

So I *THUMPED*, because being an AlarmBunny is part TopBunning.

And Dadda yelled Downnastairs, "It's all right, George!"

So I *thumped* again, to let him know that I had heard him.

And he yelled again, "I said, 'It's all right, George!'" and then I heard him add, "Damn rabbit must be deaf!" So I *thumped* a Third Time to let him know that I head *that*, too!

But I could also hear that eberyfing was Far Frum 'All Right', because Maman's going to Auntie Grace: "Wait, wait, let me type that again. My hands are shaking too badly."

Well, Wun Fing Maman *can* do is type, and if she's messing up onna 'puter, she is *rilly* upset.

So then she started calling out towns where Auntie Grace and The Herd-in-Kin-Tick-Eee live.

And Maman goes, "Okay, there's a line just to the south-west of you, between you and Hopkinsville, and it's just going to graze you on the south-west corner..."

And then there was quiet fora-minit and then Maman said, "Okay, but watch out there is Wun Juicy Cell that has just crossed a Route For-tee that is to your south-west, moving north-east, that if it doesn't dissy-pate inna next fifteen to thirty minits could give you....you're WHERE?"

And we heard a lotta furious typing.

And then Maman started reading sumfing and she stopped and said a bad werd in Anglo-Saxon and then there was more typing and Maman started reading again.

And Maman said to Auntie Grace:

"Call me back! Promise you'll call me or I'm gonna call you!"

And then here came Maman and Dadda - anna Dawg followed by Cokie and Beep-the-Udder-Cat, all Downnastairs inna'nudder line.

Anna Dawg came out innu the BunRoom, sat down and said, "Tornadoes." like he knew Whut He Meant.

And Maman and Dadda came innu the Kitchin and Dadda axted, "So Where Is She?"

And Maman said, "Inna Driveway, going innu her houz. But it's hokay, The Kids are Smart - EveryBun is inna Closet."

And Dadda axted her, "Including Helmley?"

And Maman said, "Yes."

Now you gotta know, Helmley issa Big Dawg. We're talking HUGE. Anna Herd-in-Kin-Tuck-Eee has more bunnies than Our Warren. About the onliest fings we have the same are Our Catz onna'count obba fakt that Percy-cat is anudder Maine Coon like Our Cokie, just younger and not so fat.

So ennyways...

We Got Romain-Cups, and there was Quite A Bit of Curley Parsley and we got Baby Organic Carrots but No Raisins, onna'count obba Fakt Maman says that there had been enuf Sugar for Wun Day As It Is. And she's not putting up with enny Gut Slow-Downs frum Enny Ob Us - not since Sheeba and Janie and Smokie were finally home frumma V-E-T's and eating and having pooties and she could finally Stop Werrying.

So we got extra Hay Frumm Noo Bale, which was okay.

I made a tunnel and hadda liddle nap away frum Missy while she spent sum time chewing her way to find me.

Then a Liddle Later On, Maman said, "I can't be having with this..." and called back The Herd-in-Kin-Tuck-Eee to talk to Auntie Grace.

And she said to Auntie Grace, "Lookit, the Bow-Tie Weather Guy onna NBC-10 said there were 30 tonadoes down your way in three hours. Are you still alive?"

And Auntie Grace said, "I'm still alive!"

And it turned out she was Scrubbing The Herd's BunRoom Floor - onna'count obba Fakt that the Whole Herd-In-Kin-Tuck-Eee had heard aboud'da Tornado mebbe coming Near Their Houz, and Auntie Grace's Kids, Kaatie and Paul, knew Whut To Do When They Heard The Sirens Inna Night!

They took ebberyfing Outta The Closet, moved in Alla Herd Togedder, anna Percy-Cat, anna Huge Helmley-Dawg. Then they put inna flash-light, sum wadder and sum 'Mergency Food anna Wedder Radio. And they SHUT THE DOOR!

So the Whole Herd-In-Kin-Tuck-Eee was Perfek'ly Safe.

And When Auntie Grace got home, she noticed that the floor inna Herd's BunRoom needed scrubbin', and that's Whut She Was Doing When Our Maman Called.

But the RILLY IMPAWTANT FING HEER issa The WHOLE HERD-IN-KIN-TCK-EEE was SAFE in 'MERGENCY SHELTER!

That's the Whole Point of THIS Entry inna Hay Diaries.

It's not about Fine Living for HouzRabbits - it's about SAFETY.

Now a lotta stuff gets typed about Hoomins being safe, and about making 'mergency shelters for udder homins and alla that, but PLEASE! Nebber FOTYGET PETS!

When those sirens go off, or when sumbun onna radio says to get to 'Mergency Shelter, or Declares a State of 'Mergency, BEMEMBER US!

Because we are only as safe as you are. And we - bunnies, kitties and dawgs - can't just "find shelter on our own" - because we can't! We are stuck wherebber you've left us - in our habbytats, or in our BunRooms, or inna barn, or inna doghouse, or where-ebber - and we have NO PLACE TO GO if you don't TAKE US WITH YOU!

Most States now have 'Mergency Shelter that INCLUDES PETS - so there is no hextcuse to leave us behind.

So even though these Tornadoes in Kin-Tuck-Eee happined Out of Season in February, bemember that Stuff Happins!

Make Plans! Make sure EVERYBUNNY inna Houz is Part Obba Plan! And then, when the sirens go off, or the warning scrolls across the television screen, be sure to ACT!

And Never Fortyget Us.

-------------------------------------------------------------- By George!


Posted by Our Warren at 2:17 PM EST
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Tuesday, 5 February 2008
George's 2008 Second Strand: Day Number 5
Now Playing: Uh Oh

 

Hokay...

This is NOT the day to bother Maman.

It just issn't, lemme tell you!

And I know this onna'count obba Fakt that udder hoomins have been Trying It On all day tiday. And Maman was telling Alla Us Togedder that if they keep Trying It On, she was "like to getta baseball-bat and beat a few heads in."

And I was like, "Whoa."

Anna Dawg, who is prob'ly In Charge of the Collective Brain Cell onna'count obba Fakt that Cokie-the-Fat-Cat had it yestidday, heard the werd "ball" and went off to his Toy Basket to get wunna his.

And the wun he brought to Maman was the Wun Wiffa Squeeky Innit, which Maman says issa Most 'Nnoying Ball inna whole Dawg Toy Basket. So Da Dawg was standing there inna Kitchin, and he's bizzy munching ona Ball Wiffa Squeeky Innit so that it is making it's 'Nnoying Noise.

Which is Not A Good Idea when there is alreddy wadder leaking outta Maman's eyes and she's stnding there beside Our Habbytat, biting on her lip.

And she turns onna Dawg and yells, "Not now, Marc!"

Anna Dawg stops Munching Onna Ball, and looks at her and he's like, "Whoa. Whut'd I do?"

And Missy looks atta Dawg frumm Occupying the High Ground of Our Pootie-box and says to him, "Well, now you've done it."

Anna Dawg looks at Missy and whoofs, "Whut?" around his mouthful of ball.

And because Da Dawg has just whoofed, Maman looks at him and is like, "Don't you talk back to me, stoopit Dawg! I said 'No!' Now go put that away!"

But she didn't tell him Where To Put the Ball. She just said "away" and let it go at that.

Well, everybunny knows, when you're talking to a Border-Collie, you have to give them Complete Jobs, not sorta half-way jobs, onna'count obba Fakt that they are Easily Confoozled. And when they are confoozled, they just Stand There, waiting for The Whole Job to be told to them, not just part.

So, of course, Da Dawg is standing there, all Puzzled-Like, waiting for Maman to Come Up With the Rest of His Job. But she's Upset, so she doesn't say Ennyfing Else. So he's waiting and finking over Whut She Said, and looking to see if he can find The Rest Obba Job in Whut She Said - and he can't - but while he's finking over whut he's just herd Maman say, he absent-mindedly starts chewing on Whut He Has In His Mouth - anna Squeeky inna ball starts squeeking.

And Mouse is like, "Uh oh."

But it's too late and Maman smacks her hand Uppa'gainst the Salad Bank and screams for Dadda.

And Dadda's voice comes frum Uppystairs, "Inna minit, dear."

And Maman leans onna Salad Bank, looks at me and says, "I swear, George, there are days when I feel like I'm invisible!"

Only the way she says "Invisible" sounds like, "In-vizzy-ball", est'peshully if you're Da Dawg and sorta hard-wired to just hear the werd "ball" every time it comes up all over the Whole Wide Werld..

So Da Dawg whoofs up, all hopeful-like, "Ball?"

And Maman just looks at him, with that perfectly level, dead-eye stare and says with that *rilly, rilly* Bad Kinda Calm,

"No."

Anna Dawg sits down and he's got this sorta hunted, werried look on that Border-Collies get when they are skert they've done sumfing *rilly* wrong. And onna'count obba Fakt that he's feeling less-then-secure, he give the Ball an anxious little chew.

Anna ball squeeks.

And Maman, like, closes her eyes, and her lips move, but no sounds come out. Then she turns her back onna Dawg, and that makes his ears go down, and his eyebrows pull togedder wif werry, and Maman leans over Our Habbytat and starts to Pet me.

And I'm finking, "Oh great. Now his Feelings Are Hurt." Because you can't help but feel sorry for sumbun as Klooless Assa Dawg, who only wanted to Go Out Inna Gardin and Play Wiffa Ball, even though It Is Raining. It's Not His Fault that only HouzRabbits Grow 'Tellygint while almost every Udder Creature inna Universe Merely Grows Old.

But it is not *rilly* Maman's Fault that she is Upset, either, onna'count obba Fakt that Everybunny Needs Her Alla'Time Sumtimes.

So ennyways...

I'm getting Petted. Which is great - hext'cept Missy comes bounding Offa High Ground, barrels across the Habbytat, and skids around so that she ends up with her bum slamming innu mine and her head unner'neaf of Maman's hand.

And I'm like, "Hey!"

And I snuggle her head the udder way so that I'M unner'neaf of Maman's hand.

So we're petty-pushing back-and-forth for a minute, until Maman opens her hand out wide and we both get head-rubs.

You have to take responsibility for getting your own pets around here, sumtimes!

So Maman is leaning over Our Habbytat, and Dadda arrives inna Kitchin and pops on his kettle.

And right behind him comes Cokie-da-Fat-Cat, sort of shambling around the corner of the cupboards, looking innerested.

And Cokie's like, "Issa Dawg in Trubble?"

And Mouse is like, "Not rilly."

And Cokie sits down and sighs. "I thought I heard yellin'."

And Dusty is like, "Maman is Not Happy onna'count obba Fakt that she has setta'side four hours ebbery morning to help George type his Hay Diaries alla'bout Us and then suddinly the Whole Houz is Fulla Ebberybunny anna telephone is Ringing and Not For Her, and Ebberybunny Wants Stuff, or Wants Her 'Tenshun, or sumfing."

And Foxie adds, "Anna Dawg finks she wants to play ball. Only she doesn't and he's confoozled onna'count obba Fakt she keeps saying 'ball' when she doesn't mean to."

Anna Dawg looks at Foxie and gives anudder chew on his ball. And he's like, "Did you say..."

But bifore he can finish, Cokie-Cat, puts out one, single, very sharp claw and sorta rakes it through the Dawg-tail, which kinda draws Marc to look over his shoulder atta Fat-Cat and axt him, "Oi, you. Whuttyawant?"

Anna Fat-Cat is like, "No one is talking to you, Stoopit. Shaddup."

And Da Dawg is so s'sprised, he lets the ball fall outta his mouth, and it rolls unnerneaf of Mouse's Habbytat.

And Mouse is like, "Uh oh."

Anna Fat-Cat looks over at me and goes, "See? It all comes down to being Firm But Clear with Dawgs. Maman's Whole Trubble is that she's Not Firm About Whut She Wants..."

And Mr Mouse is like, "Wait for it..."

And Missy looks at me and says, "This is gonna be good..."

And then alla'suddin, it's like sumbunny throws a switch inna Dawg's brain-cell, onna'count obba Fakt, alla His Hackles Rise, and he springs to his feets, lowers his head and lets out this HuMungEous *BARK*: "NO CATZ INNA BUNROOM!"

That practically blows Da Cokie-Cat offa his paws - because suddinly the Dawg is vigerously prodding Cokie in his posterior regions with his teeth, and Cokie is scrambling to find get-away traction onna kitchin linoleum.

And as they fly around the corner obba cupboards, heading for the Dining Room, Maman yells, "Good Lord!" and Dadda yells, "Marc, leave off!" and "Cokie!" but it's, like, too late, onna'count obba Fakt that both the Fat-Cat anna Dawg are alla'way through the Living Room and pounding Uppystairs at High Speeds.

And Dadda grabs on to Maman to keep her frum getting knocked ober, and so he's like, "You okay, dear?'

And Maman is like, "Yeah. No fanks to them."

And Dadda is like, "So whut were you saying?"

And Maman sorta looks at Dadda and then out toward me, and shakes her head.

And then she snuggles innu Dadda and says, "Dunno. Beats the hell outta me whut I was saying. Let's go 'vote' and then I'll help George do His Blog. Before ennyfing else Screws-up Around Heer."

---------------------------------------------------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 11:11 AM EST
Updated: Tuesday, 5 February 2008 7:59 PM EST
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Monday, 4 February 2008
George's 2008 Second Strand: Day Number 4
Now Playing:

H O P P Y

 

    B I R F D A Y  TO

             Our Maman!

With lotsa LOVE frum...

Alla Us Togedder heer at

                    Our Warren! 

 

!


Posted by Our Warren at 2:11 PM EST
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Sunday, 3 February 2008
George's 2008 Second Strand: Day Number 3
Now Playing: Bunnies Are For Real!

I fortygot to mention that Yestidday was Groundhog Day, and that Good Ol'  Punxsutawney Phil of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania predicted that we will have six more weeks of Winter, onna'count obba Fakt he saw his shadow and went home to his burrow!

Now, of course, everybun around here knows Punxsutawney Phil only visits "his" burrow when the television cameras come to a field nextest to him, onna'count obba Fakt that he issa pretty Tame Groundhog who lives the Literary Life inna Town Liberry with his HogWife and everyfing. A Troo Hextample of Groundhog Fine Living!

The Reason that I mention this is onna'count obba Fakt that HouzRabbits have come a Long Way frumma days of being confined to small cages in Sum Back Room just as Punxsutawney Phil has come a Long Way frum being hunted frum his burrow as being a "varmint" and is now a 'Peshul Event Co-Ordinator with His Own Hollyday! Menny Bunnies have Achieved Troo Home Ownership, With Ammenities, like Our Cousin Rainbow Ashy (about whom I told you Yestidday). Ashy even had PeaForce Radio that he listened to Every Morning! (This is my Favourite Link to Wunnerful Pickchurs by Beezer and Sundae's Mawmie, Our Auntie Judith!)

Yeah!

And Our Cousin Rainbow Eli hadda Bestest Friend Pete, who is *rilly* named Petra, like the Rose City (Maman said), 'cept that Budgies are like Bunnies in that hoomins oftin make mistakes about them being Male or Female when they are Young, and frequently get Mixed Up. This has even happined heer at Our Warren, when Foxie arrived with the name "Lightning" and the hoomin surrendering her said she wassa Liddle Boy-Bun! (And was she ever upset abouddit, lemme tell you!)

Even worse was Our Rainbow Beebe-Bunny!!, who even confoozled the V-E-T who was trying to neuter/spay him, who called up Maman and said, "Well, we were wrong and Beebe issa Liddle Gurl.". And then he called Maman back and said, "No, I was wrong - Beebe issa a Liddle Boy-bun!" and then called Maman back a Third Time and said, "Lookit, you can choose, onna'count obba Fakt This Liddle Bunny has BOTH!" So Maman said, "Poor bunny knows his name is 'Beebe', and he went in there a 'him' so he'll come out a 'him', too. So we'll stay with that." And That's How Our Rainbow Beebe-Bunny!! stayed a boy, but it was a close fing, lemme tell you!

This all comes, of course, of hoomins being Too Quick to Give Names to Bunnies. It Should Be that hoomins Wait Until We Bunnies Tell You Our Names.

It's like Missy.

Missy is my Beautiful BunWife of Gen'rus Pro'porshuns, but When Missy Furst Arrived in Our Warren frum being a Foster Bunny at Unkul Michael's (he is Dadda to Janie-and-Bailey) she came with the name of "Fluffy" attached to her like sum sorta tail-tag. Now, if you habba look at Missy, you just *know* her name isn't "Fluffy" and that if you call her "Fluffy" you are prob'ly looking to get *THUMPED*. So Maman and Dadda brought her home frum Unkul Michael's house in Noo Yawk, and Maman put her in her own habbytat and said to Dadda,

"I wonder Whut Her Name Is, because it sure isn't 'Fluffy'."

And Dadda said, "Well, she'll tell us When She is ready."

And Missy said she looked up at him frum her habbytat and was, like, "You fink?"

And Belinda Bunny (who was Top Bunny then) said, "Hextellent Bunnatude, child!" and did *footflicks* alla'round her habbytat to show Missy that having Bunnatude wassa Very Acceptable Behaviour in Our Warren, and something to Continue to Cultivate. Which Missy has.

And because I wasn't part of Our Warren yet, I didn't say ennyfing, but when I first met MissyBun, I was Impressed, lemme tell you!

And that's How It Is with bunnies. Names are Important To Bunnies. We don't just Give Them to Ennybunny that axts. A Name tells Who You Are, and is only shared with Sumbun You Trust. Of course, if you don't have a name when you arrive inna Warren, the Warren will Give Wun To You, but only afta they Know You.

MissyBun made the hoomins Guess. And finally, afta she had been in Our Warren for three-or-four-days, Maman said, "She's quite The Little Miss!"

And Missy said, "You Got It, Wady! I'm MissyBun!"

But I arrived inna cardboard box with Nothing Else. I was an Easter Bunny Dump that sum hoomin had dropped off inna bizzy V-E-T's office and then walked away! Just me-inna-box - no name, no age, no blankie, no bedding, no food, no wadder, NO NOTHING! Just a bare, stoopit cardboard box with me shut innit! Maman even hadda bring a Rescue Cage to Take Me Home.

So Maman brought me to Our Warren and started calling me "George". Well, I didn't know enny bedda onna'count obba Fakt I had been taken away frum my own Mawmie much too early, dropped off atta pet store and sold assa fluffy toy without the slightest knowledge of Who I Was or Whut I Did, so Whut Did I Know? I thought "George" wassa Pretty Good Name, so I stuck with it, and when I decided to tell Maman Who I Was, I told her, "George".

That kinda fing happins to YoungBuns quite oftin! That's how we end up with names that are not *quite* bunny names, or Not Our Names, or Confoozled Names. Like me,Hunny's name when he came to Our Warren was s'sposed to be "HoneyBunny" onna'count obba Fakt that he wassa Light Brown Broken miniLop, but as he said, the Whole Name Wasn't His Frumma Beginning onna'count obba Fakt that he wasn't Broken (although Maman insisted on having him "'fixed"!) and he was ennyfing 'cept "mini" being full-sized for him, and with a bigger-than-usual appetite for food (you gotta know miniLops!). He was the usual seven-pound miniLop for most of his life, which issa Far Frum Small HouzRabbit! So the "HoneyBunny" name Did Not Belong To Him. But that's Whut He Was Called when he wassa YoungBun and stoopit hoomins bought him and kept him inna cage inna basemint until Maman rescued him and brought him to live at Our Warren inna habbytat where he hadda bondmate, Rainbow Maggie, anna 'Puter and aksess to "OnLine" and he began Living Assa Urban HouzRabbit. So when he learned how to type onna 'puter, and began his Bunny Ministry at Saint Luke's Church with the Rev'rind Doctor 'Ginny Sheay, he typed notes to sick children, and he allus signed the notes that he typed "Frum Your Friend At Our Warren, me,Hunny" onna'count obba Fakt typing was a Very Noo Fing for him. So hoomins thought that was his name, "meHunny".

But his name was actually just "Hunny" because Maman used to tell him he was "Her darling sweet bunny-boy.".

Which was sorta the Same Fing that happined to Rainbow "I, Me, Madeleine " Hanson. She was a Liddle Brown Holland Loppy Bunny Gurl who was very Insistant Upon Being Herself (as she should!). Belinda Bunny called it "Having Bunnatude" and Encouraged Her even though Madeleine had Plenty Of Encouragement Without Belinda making Fings Worse. Madeleine wanted to be sure that ebberybunny else unnerstood that she was named "Madeleine" and not "Maddie" or sum udder silly hoomin-made-up nick-name. She was Madeleine! So she typed Who She Was, and so hoomins called her Whut She Typed.

But We Know Who We Are. And Bunnies don't Take Names Lightly. Small fings mean a Lot inna small, confined world obba Warren Unnerground, so the position obba ear, or the turn obba head means a LOT above ground, WhereEver We Are. Just like A Name is Very Person'al, so is Real Estate, onna'count obba Fakt, it issa 'Flekshun, like inna mirror ob Who You Are and How You Fink.

Now, heer in Our Warren, nothing is Simple. Everything issa Joint Decision By Ebberybunny onna'count obba Fakt that this issa Multu-Species Warren where EbberyBunny finks he/she is In Charge. Da Dawg, being a Herding Dawg on top ob just Being a Dawg, finks we are all In His Pack. Cokie-da-Fat-Cat being a Cat, on top of finking he issa Biggest Cat Around, finks we are all In His Chowder. Maman and Dadda, being hoomin, fink they are atta Top Obba Evolutionary Chain, Pay Taxes and are The Owners Obba Whole Circus. And of course We Bunnies know that this is Our Warren and I, George, am TopBun heer, no madder how much Peeing Dusty does (because no madder *whut* I can pee farther, faster and in a wider pattern than he can! Besides I have been heer Longer and I was 'Pointed by Belinda Bunny and learned Da Lore frum me,Hunny *Senior Bun* of Our Warren! And YES, I'LL SPRAY EVERY INCH OF THIS BUNROOM TO PROVE IT! Which is preddy much Why Dadda Put Uppa Partition between Dusty And Me, so we wouldn't see each udder and keep having This Argumint.).

Ennyways...

It is preddy much as Maman says: "We gotta whole houz of 'Chiefs' and no 'tribal members', which Missy says is "Wrong!" onna'count obba Fakt that there is Dusty who is still too much obba YoungBun to hold a Position Of Enny Responsibility. Ebben Beep-the-Udder-Cat issa Top Member Inna Dawg's Imaginary Herd Of Wun. So ebberybunny heer is more or less "In-Charge" of Everybunny else, and Everybunny else rejects ennybunny else's Authority, which makes Life "preddy innerestin'" as Dadda allus says whenever we try to do ennyfing Alla Us Togedder

Which is why doing More Entries about Dif'frunt Bunnies' Fine Living Arrangemints inna Future Posties obba Hay Diaries is Important - onna'count obba Fakt it shows how Far we bunnies have come frumma days when we were The Voiceless, sold as cuddly toys and given names that were Not Our Own, confined to cages in back rooms and left off in cardboard boxes when we were No Longer Wanted.

Bunnies are EveryWhere! We are Doing Lotsa Fings! Our Friend Greg issa Therapy/Service Companion Bunny To Auntie 'Manda. Our Cousin Sheeba takes Unkul Peter with her on airplanes all over the United States! Our Cousin Rainbow Ashy 'Stablished "Dandelion County, Ashyville, Callyfornia" where his Pete still lives anna PeaForce Radio still broadcasts the Morning Chorus to Auntie Laura. Sundae and Beezer have their Ownliest Catz, Kit-Kat and Pogo-the-Baby, and get their pickchurs taken alla time by Auntie Judith! And Our Friends and Relayshuns in SoCal, Norman and Ragin' Riley run their Own Company (with Auntie Carla), HareWEAR, while Rainbow Simon, Rainbow Murphy and Rainbow Chef Wally, Forever Mr June! continue to inspire Auntie Carla's beautiful HareWARE!

Whoa!

We Bunnies have websites. We type blogs. We star in Video. We own Real Estate. We know about Fine Living. We Have Names!

Bunnies are Not Just For Easter! We are For Real!

------------------------------------------------ By George


Posted by Our Warren at 11:50 AM EST
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Saturday, 2 February 2008
George's 2008 Second Strand: Day Number 2
Now Playing: Fine Living - Rainbow Ashy, Dandelion King

Well, Yestidday, I got sidetracked by typing about an OnGoing Problem Heer at Our Warren - which is Cold Blasts Up Missy's Bum - when I meant to type about Fine Living For HouzBunnies.

So Tidday I am going to type about Real Estate Ownership and Fine Living, even though once again, Maman got up at Six O'clock Inna Morning and Let Da Dawg Out Onna Furst Patrol, and once again, Missy was Occupying The High Ground by Sitting Inna Pootie-box and gotta Cold Blast of Air Up Her Bum. She has been complaining All Morning and gave Maman the RBB until Maman handed out the Eight O'clock Inna Morning Treats (which were Baby Organic Carrots this time. I dunno Whut Has Become obba Red Raisin Tub!).

Ennyways...

As every HouzRabbit knows, ALL BUNNIES are entitled to safe, clean housing inna Bunny Bill ob Rights. (This is the FURST DOCUMINT of it's kind, Typed BY Bunnies, FOR Bunnies! Here issa Link to to the RIFRAF website and there is also Wun onna sidebar obba Hay Diaries blog.) Howebber, SUM bunnies have rilly made the most of their Real Estate Hextperience to make Superior Lodgings and  create Fine Furnishings for the HouzRabbit of Serious Refinemint!

Yeah!

Wunna the FINEST Homes Beautiful was maintained by Our Cousin, Rainbow Ashy Tyler and his bestest buddy, Rainbow Eli, of Suddern Callyfornia. Obtaining the use of Their Very Own BunRoom frum Auntie Laura and Unkul Toby was, ob course, Ashy and Eli's Initial Order ob Biznizz. A sunroom, with Views, protected by glass, with screens to Let Inna Breezes (and keep out critters) and Air Conditioning to control Environmental Dangers fulfilled Ashy's Purpose to Establish a Proper BunHome afta his 'Fishul Adoption by Auntie Laura. (The Helicopter inna pikchur - just like Unkul Toby's - came a liddle later!)

Inna Pikchur atta Right is Ashy's Famous CheezHouz. Although originally intended for Cat-use, Ashy was able to adapt this fine lodging to his own Comfort. You will note the Large Number of Comfortable Opinings, Ideally Situated For Bunny Safety anna feelings ob Sekurity in case obba Emergency Exit. Bunnies never build a Warren with only Wun point of Entrance/Exit. This CheezHouz, although produced for Catz, fulfills HouzRabbit hextpecktayshuns for Superb Views with Ease of Motion. It's Triangular Shape makes it fit easily innu hoomin-designed Square Living Spaces, and it's Pleasing Cheerful Dandelion Colour fits in Nicely Wiffa Surrounding Desert Theme.

This issa Interior Pickshur of Rainbow Eli patiently arranging his Bedding Blankies inside obba Dandelion CheezHouz. Please note the Bloo Ornamint inna Complimenting Restful Bloor Colour that is hanging frumma Cheerful Yellow Ribbon inside obba Dandelion CheezeHouz. No detail has been left to chance! That Liddle Bloo Ornamint invites da Discriminating HouzBunny to come inside, to "Hab sum hay and habba Nap", inna Tranquil Setting ob Bunny Bliss. Who could possibly resist such a Wunnerful Invitation? Not Our Rainbow Eli!. 

This Pickchur features Ashy's Boat - a delightful extravagance for enny-bunny! The Cooling, Attractive Colour proclaims Wadder inna Dry Country and provides an Inviting Habbytat for the Tired HouzBunny! Naps inna Soft, Contoured Shape promise "Comfort!" in every gently curved line to cradle ebben the most Gen'rusly Pro'porshuned HouzRabbit. This Lovely HouzBoat also comes with Views anna'musing fake fishin' rod and Orange Faux Fish (that prob'ly 'muses Catz or sumfing!) that is built right innu its easy-to-clean, non-stick, easy-sliding Surfaces. Although another Cat-creation, this Nautical Confection of Comfort and Convenience is easily adapted to HouzBunny Living. Great Choice, Rainbow Ashy!

Of course, EbberyBunny knows that Little Rainbow Ashy issa King of Dandlion Country - and whut issa King wiffout a Castle? Heer we see Rainbow Ashy in His Castle. This Castle is s'specially designed with a bunny-in-mind! Note the large, imposing Main Entrance with it's Carefully Rounded Corners that create a Perfekt Circle for Easy Passage! This is easily Two-Bunnies Wide, even going at full stretch inna full Bunny-Five-Hunnert drive. Elegant White, always a Classic Choice in Colour matches easily innu the most Stoopit Hoomin Colour Schemes, and lends a Diggified Air of Authority and Elegance to this most Imposing of HouzBunny Residences

There is even a Balcony for Superior Views! Imagine Occupying This Higher Ground! Better than the largest pootie-box, this Castle Balcony offers a commanding sightline almost TWO FOOTS offa ground - higher than most houzbunnies at full periscope! Truly, Ashy's Dandelion County Castle presents Country HouzRabbit Living at its Finest! Anna Sekret Entrance issa *must* for all Castles, and this Wun is no Hextcepthun! A Satin Tunnel, inna Inviting Bloo Colour wiffa White Interior and hung wif Innerstin' Shapes provides a Bunny wiffa Perfekt Bungalow Effect, shielding him frum Prying Looks!

And ebbery King needs a Throne, so whut bedda wun for a Dandelion King, than a nice, soft Dandelion Throne-Pillow? This 'Mazin' Wunder in Green and Gold represents da Ultimate in Comfort and Contour, just right for those days when Lounging Around, and Dispensing Commints is Whut'cha Wanna Do - or when you wanna watch Law & Order onna Television, says Mr Mouse!

A Bloo Waffle Houz anna Bunny-Ears G'zaybo inna Herb Gardin help to complete the Look ob Ashyville, Ashy's Lovely Suddern Callyfornia Version obba Good Life. Fresh Herbs anna Fresh pootie-box are prerequisites to Fine Living Assa Urban Rabbit!

And finally, for those Urban HouzRabbits who prefer the delights obba More Rural Retreat, here issa pikchur heer ob Rainbow Ashy's Willow Tent - that most Essential Lodging for Country Gentlebun. Note the All-Natchural Constructshun and the Untreated Willow Sticks. We're talking Hours ob Chewing Pleasure in Wun Tent! Fulfill your Unnergroun' Fantasies speeding through this A-Frame Design, with Easy Akcess, both Frunt and Back!

And for those time when Our Cuzzin, Rainbow Ashy felt like *Rilly* Getting Away Frum It All, he had his Handy Willow Basket in which to "Turn Turtle" and get innu his "shell"! A Perfekt Way to relax and recharge away frumma prying Hoomin Eyes!

Ashyville issa Hextample of Whut Wun Bunny can Achieve inna Way of Fine Living Assa Urban Rabbit. There are Udder Bunnies ob Our Warren's Friends and Relayshuns who have Achieved Fine Living also, whose Homes I hope to Feature in Future entries obba Hay Diaries. Rainbow Ashy's Domain issa West Coastie HouzRabbit Home; I hope to show you anudder West Coastie version ob Fine Living wif Beezer and Sundae, and I also wanna show you how life is Libbed in Elegance onna East Coast by Our Cousins, Janie and Bailey (but right now, Our Cousin Janie issa Liddle Unner da Wedder, so please send her sum **Be Well Bunny!** vibes!)

And please Bemember That Bunnies are Not For Easter! We are Companion Animals who share your Life! Please Adopt! Learn More! Give a bunny a Second Chance to have a Forever Home!

-------------------------------------------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 12:30 PM EST
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Friday, 1 February 2008
George's 2008 Second Strand: Day Number 1
Now Playing: Occupying the High Ground

Whoa!

Is it ever Wild and Wet and Windy outside today heer at Our Warren!

Not to menton Cold, as Missy just did when Maman let Da Dawg in frum being Out Inna Back Gardin onna'nudder Patrol.

Missy says she has About Had It with sitting inna Pootie-Box and getting a Cold Blast up her Butt when Maman or Dadda Opins the Back Door to either Let In or Let Out Da Dawg.

For Some Reason, Da Dawg doesn't have a Pootie-Box inna Houz.

He says he can't hextplain it, but Dawgs in general do not have pootie-boxes inna Houz. I dunno why not, either.

The Catz have two of them Uppystairs in their Apartmint: the Evil Machine Pootie-Box, that Cokie-the-Fat-Cat says Empress KayCee calls "Cat TeeVee" and a Regular Pootie-Box that mostly belongs to Beep-the-Udder-Cat. They have Arrangemints about these Two Pootie-Boxes that are All Their Own.

Onna Udder Paw, Alla Us Togedder each have Pootie-boxes all of Our Own heer in Our Habbytats.

Missy and I share a Big Wun, in which we can both fit togedder. Hexcept that doesn't happen too oftin onna'count obba Fakt that Missy thinks it's all Hers. Sum Days, she just parks her Beautiful BunnyButt of Gen'rus Pro'porshuns in that pootie-box and won't get out!

Even when Maman puts in sumfing for us to eat, like a Baby Organic Carrot or a handful of hay Frumma Noo Bale, MissyBun just stays with her butt glued to that pootie-box and *leeeens waaaay* out as far as she can without tipping over, and tries to pull whutever it is that she wants back innu the pootie-box with her.

And sumtimes, Maman even helps her!

Yeah!

Maman will hand-deliver stuff right TO Missy while she is inna Pootie-box!

It's like, Missy says to Maman, "Hey wady! I can't reach!"

And Maman will say to Missy. "Get outta the pootie-box, Missy."

And Missy is like, "Bring it to me?" with this Hopeful Look and her Cute turned on.

And Maman issa Idiot and brings whutebber, right to Missy and holds it for her to eat!

The Hopeful Look doesn't werk so well with Dadda, even with Missy's Cute running full blast.

Because Missy will be sitting inna Pootie-box and Dadda will put a treat or sumfing innu Our Habbytat and Missy will turn onna Hopeful Look and sum Cute and she'll say to Dadda, "Hey, you. Bring dat ober heer, hokay?"

And Dadda will look at Missy and laugh and say, "You're outta luck, Bug-a-Lugs. Ger'offa yon dung heap and get'cher own. It'll do you good."

And Missy will be like *sulk* and sit and glare for awhile, and do the Disapproving Rabbit Fing for awhile to him to show him how 'nnoyed she is, until I start eating whutebber it is that we've gotten. Then she'll get outta the pootie-box inna Big Hurry onna'count obba Fakt that she Disapproves more of me Eating Alla Ennyfing than she does of Dadda 'Sulting Her.

And afta she's managed to eat as much of Ennyfing as she possibly can, she gets back inna Pootie-box again.

She calls this "Occupyin' the High Ground" and says its Whut Hunny Said to Do.

Which is more or less Troo.

In Wunna The Furst Posts in The Hay Diaries, me,Hunny *Seniore Bun* of Our Warren, wrote that it is Important to Allus Occupy the High Ground onna'count of Several Fakts:

  1. Every bunny knows that you can best scout for on-coming danger frumma High Ground
  2. Being Forewarned allows you to Make Plans Ahead Ob Time and Avoid Panicking Later.
  3. Shows EveryBunny that you are behaving Responsibly and Seriously taking your part inna Defence Obba Warren.

Hunny also said that you should Occupy the High Ground Frequently, even if your High Ground is only Two Inches Offa Floor.

So, yeah, Missy is Right About This. Occupying The High Ground is Part Obba Lore.

However, whut is Not Inna Lore is that you're s'sposed to Occupy the High Ground every second of every minute of every day of every week, full-time, all Year and not Let Ennybunny Else have a Turn To Sit Onit.

Missy hassa lotta Great Attributes, like her Beautiful Gen'rus Pro'porshuns, and her Delightful Cute, but Sharing is Not Wunna Them!

Sumtimes a bun has just gotta go, and then, Missy and I have whut Maman calls "BugTussels" to figger out who is gonna sit inna Pottie-box. 

It is onna'count of these "BugTussels" that Maman says I am a "Determined" sort of Bunny.

I am not "Determined"; I am Desperate, lemme tell you!

And I don't mean to flick pooties outta the pootie-box onna BunRoom floor, either. That just sorta happins when I get traction onna'count obba Fakt that I am inna hurry to get out before Missy barges innu me, trying to get back in.

Anna Peeing Onna Dawg... That's all Missy.

And she is getting Good At It onna'count obba Fakt Da Dawg issa Reason that the Back Door to the Gardin keeps getting opined up and Alla Cold Air is coming in to blow on her butt while she's sitting inna Pootie-box.

If Da Dawg could just learn to use a Pootie-box like ebberybunny else around heer in Our Warren, Fings would be a LOT BEDDA!

*geez*

Ennyways...

I was gonna type about Real Estate Ownership For Bunnies today, but I guess I will have to type about that On Anudder Day. Our Warren has Friends and Relayshuns who have made Impressive Progress In Living As Urban Rabbits, and I s'specially want to showcase some obba HouzRabbit HouzBeautifuls inna Future Blog Entry. Please Watch This Space!

------------------------------------------------ By George


Posted by Our Warren at 12:18 PM EST
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Thursday, 31 January 2008
George's 2008 First Strand: Day Number 31
Now Playing: Canasta

Well, since Maman lost my Udder Entry forda Hay Diaries about Nothing Going On (in five-hunnert werds), I will type a Noo Wun.

Because, lemme tell you, there is *still* Nothing Going On Around Heer!

Well, hexcept mebbe "Canasta".

I don't know hextactly whut "Canasta" is, but it seems to be happening heer.

It starts out like this: Phil calls Maman and Maman axts him "How menny?"

And then Maman goes innu the Salad Bank and makes a withdrawl.

We usually get a couple of Baby Organic Carrots or else a Small Handful of Romaine Leaves. The Udder Day, we got Appul Slices, and once, we each got a Spoonful of Hulled, unSalted Sunflower Seeds!

Yeah!

So this part of "Canasta" isn't too bad!

Because Maman makes sumkinda Soup and then she Bakes A Cake.

Now "Cake" is strange.

When Our Cousin Sheeba brought Unkul Peter to visit and Auntie Grace (who issa Mawmie to The Herd In Kin-Tuck-Eee) came atta same time, Auntie Grace came down frum her room Uppystairs (with Cokie-the-Fat-Cat) and axted Maman, "Whut's for breakfast?"

And Maman said, "I dunno. I was so busy planning the Dinner-Pawtee for Last Night and everyfing else, I forgot to plan breakfast."

And Auntie Grace said, "You sure planned for enough Cake, Char. Lookit - there's Cake on the table, two pies inna refrigerator, anna cheeseCake. Gosh that was good cheeseCake. I think I'm going to have more of that for breakfast."

And Maman was like, "Why not? There's no kidlets around. We're adults. We don't have to be role-models. To heck with it! Let's have Cake For Breakfast!"

And Auntie Grace said, "That's right. We're on vacation. We don't have to be responsible adults. Let's have Cake. Where are the plates?"

And Maman got out plates and forks and she and Auntie Grace got out the two pies and the cheeseCake and got the Udder Cake frum the Dining Room table and were busy hacking away at that when Unkul Peter came outta his room and axted, "Whut's going on, ladies?"

And Auntie Grace said, "We're having Cake For Breakfast."

And Uncle Peter was like, "Cake? We're having Cake For Breakfast? Yes, I think I'll have some!"

And Maman was like, "It's good for you. Like Bill Cosby says, it has wheat, milk, cheese, and vitamins in it. The pies have fruit and everybun knows fruit is good for you. Have some!"

And Unkul Peter said, "You don't have to axt me twice!"

Then Dadda came outta the Bedroom and of course, he was fine with the idea of "Cake For Breakfast." because they were all "Adults" and didn't have to "set a Hextample" to enny "liddle Kids" or ennyfing like that.

So they all ate Cake For Breakfast and then had Cake For Lunch, and Maman said it was Tradishun'l to have Cake For Tea and then there were the Snack Cakes. And Cake has become Sum Kinda Joke for them.

So Maman told Phil about "Cake For Breakfast" and he told The Rent-A-Teens, which would be Jeff and Sherwin, and then the Rest of Phil's Friends, which would be Laura and Dan.

So they come over to Our Warren and Maman makes them Cake For Breakfast, too.

And they get all Hextcited about Cake For Breakfast, too, onna'count obba Fakt that they are now Adults Too and don't have enny "Liddle Kids" around to have to be "Role Models" for. 

And then they hang around Our Warren while Maman makes Soup, and come and go and "Run Errands" to go get "Good Bread", onna'count obba Fakt that Maman says there is "No point in making Good Soup unless you have Good Bread to eat with it" and that it's the "least they can do to help" onna'count obba Fakt that she "had children because slavery is illegal."

So then Dadda comes Back Frum Werking and they all sit down atta Dining Room Table and eat soup, and then comes this "Canasta" fing.

Which I fink has to do with the "Good Bread" onna'count obba Fakt that Laura comes innu the BunRoom and shares summa Good Bread with Alla Us Togedder.

Which is berry nice ob her, so we Gen'rally Approve of Her, just as we Gen'rally Approve of Jeff and Sherwin onna'count obba Fakt they have been around heer so long. Missy says we should Gen'rally Approve of Dan, soonest, but because he is still Noo, he hasta be heer longer and bring more Treats. Prob'ly raisins.

So ennyways, Maman and Dadda Gen'rally Approve of this "Canasta" fing and so do We. I can't say that I'm All That Impressed by Good Bread, but I'm not much for ennyfing that isn't green or wrinkled like raisins, you know? But Missy, Dusty, Foxie and Mr Mouse all like it. 

So that's Whut's Going On at Our Warren.

Canasta. Good Food, Good Friends, Good Fun!

------------------------------------------ By George


Posted by Our Warren at 12:02 PM EST
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Wednesday, 30 January 2008
George's 2008 First Strand: Day Number 30
Now Playing: Not Staying Mad

Hokay, I am over being MAD and have retured to being just George.

Not that Maman has changed or apologised or given me enny more Raisins for just me or even realised that she did ennyfing wrong or ennyfing, it's just that HouzBunnies do not Hold Grudges. There is No Point. Me going on expending the Effort To Be Mad isn't going to change Missy's Foor-Hoovering Habits and it's not going to Raise Maman's Intelligence Quotient. It's just going to take up a Lotta My Time And Effort to Stay Mad and I Got Bedda Fings To Do.

Like staying Outta the Way of Nail-Clipping and Butt-Plucking!

Yeah!

I have just Observed Maman Talking with Auntie Carla.

You bemember Auntie Carla - she issa Mawmie of Norman and Ragin' Riley who are the bunnies who run the HAREWEAR company where Maman and lots of Udder Hoomins purchase the Wunnerful Tee-shirts and Eco-Friendly Totes and Stuff, where Part Obba Profits go to Benefit Shelter Bunnies!

Yeah!

And Auntie Carla makes HAREWARE, which is beautiful pottery, onna'count obba Fakt that she is an Artist Who Werks In Clay. Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren are getting togedder alla change that we can find inna cushions and onna floor anna Cokie-the-Fat-Cat is hiding it frum Maman, Dadda and Phil so we can buy Dadda a Noo HAREWARE Tea-Vat!

But don't tell. It's a Sekret Birfday Gift frum Alla Us Togedder. We're trying to figger out how to tell Norm hextacktly whut it hasta look like, so he can tell Auntie Carla so she can make it. Of course it involves Lotsa e-mailing.

So ennyways...

Lastest Night, Maman was inna Kitchin making Salads - mostly Romaine Cups, which are just big Romaine Leaves Filled with Fresh Certified-Organic-Grown Herbs and Wun Baby Orgainic Carrot and last night came with a Sprinkling of SunMaid Golden Raisins with Zante Currants. You can eat the serving plates, which are the Romaine leaves, which Maman finks is Preddy Innovative and Saves Trees onna'count obba Fakt there are no Untreated Paper Plates involved.

When suddinly, Dadda swoops in and grabs up Mr Mouse frum his Habbytat!

Just like that!

He grabs Mr Mouse and says, "Come on, son." and out they go innu the Dining Room.

And Dadda hassa nail-clippers. So he sets Mouse down on his lap and starts *snip!*ing Mr Mouse's toe-nails!

Just like that!

And then Maman comes over and she's petting Mr Mouse onna head and saying, "That's a good little Mouse-bunny!" and the whole time, she's plucking loose fur offa his butt!

And Dadda says, "Look. Mouse hassa 'VPL'!" and he laughs.

And Maman axts, "Whut's that?"

And Dadda hextplains, "VisiblePantyLine."

And Mouse grunts, "INDIGGITY! Help!"

But we're like, in our habbytats onna'count obba Fakt it's Salad Time (but there's no Salads yet!) so it's not like we can do ennyfing to help the Situation going on inna Dining Room.

So we hear Dadda say to Mouse, "Come on, Grunter, let's turn you around, old son."

And Maman is going, "There's a good HouzBunnyRabbit." while she's still plucking fur frum outta his butt!

And Mouse shouts, "Hold it! I'm on my back!"

And I like yell in, "Hang on, Mouse! There's nuffin we can do!"

And Mouse shouts back, "Oh you're a Big Help!"

And Maman says to Dadda, "He's just the sweetest little guy when he's out, you know, dear? All that grunting and boxing is just *such* a show!"

And Dadda says, "Let me flip him up on my shoulder." and then he says, "There. Look at that, darling. He's a little cuddler."

And Mouse grunts, "Cuddler My Butt! Help! She's Plucking My Butt!"

And Dadda says, "I think that's all you're going to get off him tonight, dear."

And Mouse goes, "Damn straight."

And Dadda carries Mr Mouse back innu his habbytat.

And then Foxie, who is still Noo To Our Warren is standing up in her habbytat, watching. But I can't see that onna'count obba Fakt that there is that Partition that Dadda put up between Dusty and me to keep us frum having that Pee War we were having to see Who Was Gonna Be Top Bun.

So I couldn't warn her.

So I hear Dadda say, "Oh look! Little Princess wants to have hers done, too!"

And too late, I yell, "Foxie! Get down!"

Onna'count obba Fakt, I hear Dadda opin her habbytat and she, Silly Gurl, climbs right up ober Dadda's shoulder!

And Missy turns to me and she's like, "Well, that was stoopit. See that? All cute and no brains."

And Dadda is carrying Foxie out innu the Dining Room.

And Maman says, "Be careful, Brian. Foxie has never had her nails clipped."

And Dadda is, like, "I know."

And Foxie is, like, "Nails clipped? Whut?"

And Mouse yells in, "Just hang on tight and sit still! If he misses all your blood comes out!"

Now this isn't Hextactly Troo, but Troo Enuf that it can get you a Ride Inna Car Toda V-E-T's if it happins. And it can LOOK *rilly* skerry, s'specially if you are a white bunny, lemme tell you!

And Foxie is, like, "Whaaaaa!"

And Missy yells in, "Hold STILL! Don't moob! Just let him ged on wiffit!"

And then Foxie yells, "But she's pluckin' my butt!"

And Missy yells, "Forgedabouddit! Hang on!"

And Maman's going, "My goodness, Brian! Just look at all the fur I'm getting out of her!"

And Dadda hextplains, "Well, it's Shedding Season, I expect."

And I'm, like, "Well yeah. And we'd like a little privacy..."

And Maman goes, "I'm going to have to Brush EveryBunny, then. And we'll increase Hay Time to twice a day. We can't afford any Gut-slow-downs if we can help it."

And Dadda says, "It's a Good Thing I bought a New Bale."

And Missy's like, "Noo Bale? There's a Noo Bale? Why haven't I seen enny of this Noo Bale? Why am I eating the Same Old Hay frumma Last Bale, huh? Whut's up wiffat, George? George? George! They're feeding us frumma Old Bale! And there's a Noo Bale I dunno nuffin' about!"

And I'm like, "Don't look at me! I dunno ennnyfing aboudd'a Noo Bale, either! Mebbe it's inna Hay Locker outside and hasn't come in yet."

And Missy hops innu the pootie-box where she can stand over me, and looks down and says, "George Bunny. If you are keeping a Noo Bale Sekret Frum Me onna'count obba Fakt you fink I'm not Gonna Share It..."

And I'm, like, "Lookit, you hoovered up alla my raisins, didn't you?"

And she's like, "That's dif'frunt. Maman gave them To Us."

And I'm like, "The operative werd in there is 'Us', Missy. It means 'more than just wun bunny'." and I like settled down on all four paws.

So then Dadda brings Foxie back innu the BunRoom and puts her back innu her habbytat.

And then he comes and opins Missy and My habbytat!

And he goes, "Hello, George-the-Bun. How you doing, Bug-a-Lugs?"

And it's Missy's turn to be MAD. So she glares up at Dadda and yells, "Hey Buster! Whuttaboudda Noo Bale you're hidin' sumwheres, huh? This is UnFair Treatment Ob HouzRabbits! If you ebben FINK you're gonna trim OUR NAILS..."

And turn my head around to talk to her and I'm, like, "Shhhhh! Missy! Shaddup! Will you shaddup, Missy? He hasn't said a FING aboud trimmin' Our Nails! Don't bring it up! Shhhh!!" and I bring my ear up inna'larm, and it flaps acrosst her nose.

And she's too MAD to even notice I'm talking to her, let alone notice my ear over her nose, so she goes on, yellin', "If you even FINK about trimming Our Nails you BEDDA BE FINKIN' aboud'da Noo Bale..." and it's so loud, I gotta close down that ear or go deaf, so I reel it in.

And alla suddin, Dadda bursts out laughing.

And Maman calls in frumma Kitchin, "Whut's so funny"

And Dadda says, "Missy and George. I don't know Whut She Said, but she must have certainly Pissed Him Off. He just swung his head around, flipped up his ear and flapped her straight in the face! Oh dear, you have *got* to come see this!"

And I'm sitting there, like, "Well, you know, I didn't realise she was *that* close when I turned my head..."

And Missy is just sitting inna pootie-pan, glaring and grumbling, "I just wanna hab summa that Noo Bale, Stoopit!"

And Maman tells Dadda to opin uppa top ob our habbytat and she comes in and gives us our Romaine Cups. And she axts Dadda, "You fink we should do George and Missy's nails, too?"

And Dadda, who is still chuckling as he's giving Dusty his Romaine Cup, says, "No, two is Enuf Madness for one night. We'll get them tomorrow."

And Missy is like, "So where's the Noo Bale? That's Whut I Wanna Know!" as she's looking over the Romain Cup.

But I didn't say ennyfing. I was alreaddy eating onna'count obba Fakt I had discovered Raisins and Zante Currants inna Romaine Cups.

There are times when it Doesn't Pay to Stay MAD!

-------------------------------------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 11:56 AM EST
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Tuesday, 29 January 2008
George's 2008 First Strand: Day Number 29
Now Playing: I am MAD!

Hokay, so I'm MAD!

I mean it!

I'm MAD!

Angry!

An OFFICALLY *RILLY* PISSED-OFF, FURIOUSLY ANGRY BUNNY RABBIT!

Just so we're clear about that.

Inna Furst Place, Maman LOST WUNNA MY POSTS!

Yeah.

You'll notice that DAY NUMBER 27 is totally missing frum the Whole Hay Diariaes Blog.

It's NoWhere's. I've looked in the Whole Hay Diaries Folder in Maman's 'Puter, and through the Whole Stoopit Hard-Drive and it's not ENNY WHERES TO BE FOUND!

But I KNOW-FOR-A-FAKT that I typed it. I BEMEMBER typing it onna'count obba FAKT it was about how I couldn't figger out WHUTTAHECK I WAS GONNA TYPE ABOUT!

Yeah.

It wassa WHOLE Entry about me not habbin' WUN FING that was WORTH my time sitting up heer typing about. And I managed to type about five-hunnert werds about *that* - which Maman managed to LOSE bifore I posted it! She didn't even save it to my Hay Diaries file! She didn't save it ennywheres! She LOST IT!

So now it doesn't even EXIST.

And *THAT* sucks, you know?

And ON TOP OF LOSING MY POST, do you know WHUT ELSE happined to make me MAD?

Maman ran OUT of Baby Organic Carrots!

Yeah!

So when it was Treat-time at Eight O'clock Inna Morning, Maman called Alla Us Togedder and said,

"Since we are outta all the Baby Organic Carrots, I'm going to have to give you Five Raisins Apiece."

And she got out the Red Can!

And We all saw it and started to get Hextcited, and started to do our Little Raisin Dance.

So Mr Mouse stands up and starts snuffling and Maman puts FIVE Liddle Raisins in his food crock.

And Dusty stands up and starts Buzzing and Maman puts FIVE Little Raisins in his food crock.

And Foxie stands up and starts making her little buzzing noises and Maman puts FIVE Little raisins innu her food crock, too.

Then Maman holds out a Bunch of Raisins on her hand while Missy and I are circling around doing Our Raisin Dance

And I take Wun and don't you know Missy hoovers the Whole Rest Of The Bunch of Raisins in Maman's Hand, and SUCKS THEM RIGHT UP INNU HER CHEEKS!

ALL AT ONCEST!
 

YEAH!

SHE POUCHED THEM!

Can you believe that?

She sucked up every, SINGLE wun of those liddle, tasty raisins, right up innu her cheeks and then TURNED HER BACK ON ME and sat there, chewing!

I mean, *RILLY*

And Maman's there, like, "Missy! You're supposed to share with George!"

And Missy's like, "Wrong!" and she's still chewing.

So I ran around to the frunt of Missy and tried to stick my nose innu her mouth, but she put her head up way-up high and kept right on chewing.

And Maman is like, "Missy!" and Missy is still chewing.

And I'm there with my head prak'ticly stuck up her nose, trying to pry just wunna those raisins out frum between her toofies, but Missy's jaws are going like a mulching machine. There's just no way to get in there!

And then she SWALLOWED - AND ALLA RAISINS WERE GONE!

And I'm like, "MISSY!"

And Maman is like, "Well, now I gotta get more raisins for Poor Little George."

And I'm finking, "Damn straight."

So Maman went and carefully tipped out sum more Raisins in her hand.

And she comes back with the Raisins, all right, and opens her hand right unner'neaf of my nose, so that Missy can't even get a look-in, and I quickly suck up the raisins that's in there.

And there's TWO.

TWO MEASLY RAISINS!

I mean it - Will sumBunny tell me, please, HOW DO TWO, TINY WRINKLED RAISINS EQUAL WUN BABY ORGANIC CARROT?

When Missy got AT LEAST TEN OBBA BUGGERS?

THIS IS NO FAIR!

So I am MAD!

And not only am I MAD, but ebberyBUNNY inna Whole Darned Warren is MAD, too!

Onna'count obba Fakt that NoBUN finks this SMALL NUMBER OF RAISINS even comes CLOSE to being EQUAL TO WUN Baby Organic Carrot!

So we figger we are ALL VICTIMS heer. So we are ALL giving Maman the RBB.

But me, 'specially. Onna'count obba Fakt that Maman not only FED MISSY MORE RAISINS THAN ME, and then ONLY GAVE ME TWO STOOPIT RAISINS OF MY OWN but she ALSO LOST MY BLOG ENTRY FOR DAY NUMBER 27!

I am gonna go SULK!

So there.

------------------------------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 11:56 AM EST
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Monday, 28 January 2008
George's 2008 First Strand: Day Number 27
Now Playing: BunProofing

So Maman had her third Cuppa Coffee and said to me,

"You know, we have a 'puter, so there is no excuse for not coming back from the market with the Things We Need!"

And went to sit down at her desk.

And MissyBun, who had been hextploring the rubbish bin (nothing good innit) onna floor nextest to Maman's desk, looked up at me and axt,

"Whuttaheck wassa alla'bout?"

And I said I sure didn't know, but I would Continue To Watch Maman frum my place heer onna Foo-ton in case something Began To Happin.

You Never Know around here.

And Missy went back to hextploring around the edges obba room, like she allus does.

So a Liddle Later On, Maman called innu Dadda In His Office,

"You have a minute?"

And because Dadda is preddy used to her afta eight years, he stopped Whut He Was Doing and came innu Maman's Study and sat down onna Footon nextest to me and said, "How are you doing, son?"

And I said everything on my End Of Things looked fine, but that Maman was making Disconnected Remarks again, and I was Keeping My Eye on her and Would Let Him Know if things began to go all pear-shaped.

So while Dadda and I had that Liddle Hextchange in Lagomorphin, Maman said that she was trying to think of New Ways to BunProof sum Rooms.

BunProofing is something bunny parents fink is Responsible Behaviour. It is Actually 'Nnoying Behaviour that removes Ennyfing Inneresting to a Bunny frumma Room. Most BunProofing involves either putting up barriers, installing baby-gates, closing doors, or otherwise controlling Where We Go. Other BunProofing has to do with Covering Up Wires.

Maman says that BunProofing is For Our Own Good.

Yeah.

Now, according to The Lore, as it was told to me by me,Hunny *Senior Bun* of Our WarrenBunProofing in Our Warren began A Long Time Ago with "Oi Belinda!" (It seems to me that a great menny fings in Our Warren had sumfing to do with Belinda Bunny one way or another!).

Now, Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren unnerstand a certain number of Inkwish werds, but the Furst Werd ennybunny learns is the werd, "No!". This is onna'count obba Fakt  that "NO!"  is allways the werd that Maman shouts most oftin during Playtime.

So when Belinda Bunny would go near to a wire or sumfing straggling like a vine across the floor during her Playtime, Maman would call out, "No, Belinda."

And Belinda would stop looking at the wire or whutebber and turn and look at Maman to see why she was making noise. And when Maman didn't make enny udder noises or seem to be offering Belinda a Treat or ennyfing worth looking at like that, Belinda would turn back to looking atta wire or whutebber that was straggling across her path onna floor.

And Maman would say again, "No, Belinda!". Only this time, she would say it louder.

And Belinda would look back at Maman and Maman still wouldn't say ennyfing else or have ennyfing in her hands that Belinda wanted, and would just be standing there and smiling.

So Belinda would fink to herself, "Well, dis hoomin is preddy useless." and go right back to looking at the wire or vine or whutebber it was that was lying in her path and might trip her up if she didn't snip it and get it out of her way.

And then Maman would start shouting, "Belinda! No!"

And Belinda wouldn't bother to look at her again. Because Belinda was an Inkwish Spot kind of bunny and they are whut Maman calls Very Project-Oriented Bunnies. They don't do Useless Stuff.

And ennyways, Belinda said she figgered, "Why look atta crazy person who wasn't going to gib me ennyfing ennyways?"

Besides, there was this vine, or wire or whutebber inna way that needed to be trimmed, and... HouzRabbits, particuarly Inkwish Spot HouzBunnies, are preddy logical this way.

So Belinda went to trim the wire outta her way and Maman started yelling, "Belinda! NO! NO, Belinda! NO! No! No! No-no-no-nononooo, NO! Belinda! NO!"

And Belinda would go ahead and *snip* the vine or wire or whutebber and toss it out of her way, so she could hop around the room without having to worry about tripping over it.

So Maman complained to Dadda that her stuff wouldn't werk onna'count obba Fakt Belinda had snipped the wires to it, so Dadda went to this place called Home Depot and brought home this long, white, hollow tube called "pipe". And he put the wires inside of the "pipe" and he and Maman called this BunProofing.

Well, lemme tell you, Belinda said it was easier to trip over wunna those "pipe" fings than over a liddle wire, so when she happined across the noo "pipe" fings, she stopped and hadda close look at it.

And Dadda said to Maman, "She can't do a thing to that. It's PVC vy-nal."

And Belinda looked the "pipe" fing up and down and alla suddin outta nowhere, Maman said, "No, Belinda."

And Belinda looked at Maman, thought, "Heer we go again." and then went back to studying the "pipe" problem.

And Maman said it again: "No, Belinda. Don't you dare!"

And Belinda looked at Maman again to be polite, but as usual, Maman wasn't offering her ennyfing or enny Treats, or ennyfing. She was just standing there, saying "No, Belinda."

So Belinda went back to pondering the "pipe" that was long and white and right across her path.

And Maman suddinly started yelling, "Brian, she's going to - No, Belinda! Don't! Belinda, NO! No, Belinda!"

And the alla suddin, Dadda yelled, "Oi! Belinda!"

But it was Too Late.

Belinda had chomped down onna "pipe" fing and snapped it in two.

"Just like a twig." She said later. 

And she hopped right over it.

So Dadda went back to the place called "Home Depot" and gotta bigger round tunnel-like fing that was about half as tall as a bunny, that even Belinda couldn't get her mouth around. And he put alla wires inna room innu it. And he fastened wun end obba tunnel-fing to wun wall and the udder end to the udder wall and it went across the floor.

It was Very Effective BunProofing. During the day, it was easy to see, onna'count obba fakt that it lay across the floor like a Reg'lar Speed Hump and we bunnies hopped right over it and never once bothered the wires or whutebber inside, and during the Dark, only bunnies could see it. Visiting Dawgs and hoomins usually fortygot it was there and fell ober it.

So preddy soon, Maman got Anudder BunProofing Idea and started putting up these white, plastic-like lattice panels inna'nudder room, with alla lamp wires and stuff running behind them. And then she told Alla Us Togedder that we hadda stay in that room and she put uppa Baby-gate so we couldn't Get Out anna Catz and Dawg couldn't Get In.

And that is anudder kind of BunProofing which werked fine until Maman and Dadda Officially Got Old and Maman couldn't get ober the baby-gates ennymore.

And once Phil tried putting a Screen Door onna BunRoom, which werked preddy good, too, until Cokie-the-Fat-Cat accidentally motored through the bottom of it. Then Phil put on a half-door, like a stable door, but had Trubble hanging it, so it never lined up Quite Right and Couldn't Close. But the Idea of making a door that hoomins could see over but bunnies would be safe behind wassa Good Idea While It Lasted kinda fing.

And those are Udder Hextamples of BunProofing that have been tried heer at Our Warren. And the funny fing is that Maman still believes in BunProofing!

So she's At It Again.

Her Noo Idea is to put Wun Baby-Gate at Wun End obba hallway anna'nudder Baby-Gate atta Udder End obba hallway and to let us hab our Playtime inna hallway. She says that way, there will be No Wires to Snip. No reasons to play "Oi, Belinda!" with enny of Us. And that it will Have To Do until Summer Comes Again and we can all go out onna Screen Porch and have That To Ourselves.

So Here We Go Again.

I'll let you know.

----------------------------------------------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 1:02 PM EST
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Saturday, 26 January 2008
George's 2008 First Strand: Day Number 26
Now Playing: Nothing Going On

I am having a hard time coming up with a New Entry for The Hay Diaries tiday.

There is Nothing Going On here at Our Warren at all.

So far this morning, We Woke Up.

Maman came out inna Kitchin while it was Still Dark and discovered that she and Dadda had fortygot to put enny Wadder & Coffee inna CoffeeMaker last night.

So there was no hot coffee waiting for inna Coffee Pot like there usually is.

Well, Maman said "Bugger" and put wadder innu Dadda's Kettle, and put sum stuff frumma cabinet innu her Big Cup and Got Milk outta the Salad Bank. Then when Dadda's Kettle "popped" she filled up her Big Cup with *rilly* hot wadder so that it overflowed all over the counter and ran all down the cupboards and across the floor

And Missy said to me, "I don't fink that was sus'posed to happin."

And I replied, "Me either."

So you'd have thought Maman might have said sumfing, mebbe in Anglo-Saxon or sumfing, but she didn't. She just stood there for a coupla'minutes, looking.

Then she grabbed on to the roll of kitchin-towels and pulled - and miles and miles of kitchin-roll rolled offa roll, all over the counter and downna-sink.

And Missy said to me, "I don't fink *dat* was sus'posed to happin, eidder."

Anna'gain Maman just stood there again, innaDark, and looked.

And we could hear the sound of the Wadder dripping offa cupboards anna counter and Mouse said that he could see the dark puddle of sumfing sorta streaming across the Kitchin floor and forming a sorta lake by the Rubbish Bin.

And Maman was just standing there innaDark, looking.

So she tore offa bunch of kitchin-towels and started wiping.

And that took her Awhile onna'count obba Fakt there was Quite A Lot of Whutebber she had put innu her Big Cup and overflowed all over the place.

So she got it all mopped up frum the counter, then hadda get down onna Kitchin Floor to mop that all up. Then it took her Awhile to climb back up on her feets  again, using the handles onna cupboard to pull herself up onna'count obba Fakt of her Arthuritis, I guess. So finally, she got stood upright again, and she looked in her Big Cup, stuck her finger innit and said, "Bugger" again.

And she dumped everyfing inna Big Cup innu the sink.

And Missy said to me, "This prob'ly isn't the time to axt her for Baby Organic Carrots or ennyfing."

And I said, "Prob'ly not."

So Maman spooned sum more stuff innu her Big Cup, hooked her finger over the top obba cup and poured in more Wadder frum Dadda's Kettle until she said "Ouch!" and pulled out her finger outta the Cup inna hurry. Then she put her finger back over the edge of her cup and poured in sum milk.

Then she came back innu the BunRoom, and put the milk back inside the Salad Bank.

And she turned to Missy and said, "Don't even."

And Missy said, "Wouldn't fink obbit."

And Maman went back innu the Kitchin, and picked up her Big Cup.

Then Da Dawg came out frumma Bedroom, being all waggy and looking hopeful, and Maman told him inna loud whisper, "And you know where you can go, Mister."

And Da Dawg revered paws, and was like, "On my way!"

And he went back inna Bedroom, but it was too early for him to wake up ennyways.

So Maman went on through the Living Room and we heard her climb slowly  Uppystairs wun atta time.

And we heard her open the Door Atta Top obba Stairs, and tell Cokie-da-Fat-Cat, "Lookit, Cat, this ain't your day."

And then we heard her Shut The Door!

And that's how it's been All Morning: Maman Uppystairs and Alla Us TogedderStill Down Heer, in Our Habbytats.

But there is Hope. Dadda Waked Up and he Made Coffee and took a Cup To Maman just a Liddle While Ago. So she might come down soonest!

But for right now, there's Nothing Going On here at Our Warren.

------------------------------- By George...


Posted by Our Warren at 12:14 PM EST
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Friday, 25 January 2008
George's 2008 First Strand: Day Number 25
Now Playing: Law and Mental DisOrder

So Missy put her paws up onna Foo-ton this morning and looked at me, and said,

"Hey! You gonna mention inna Hay Diaries that Our Auntie Michelle Auletta, Esq. was on television for putting that animal abuser in jail for two years?"

And I was like, "Yeah. onna'count obba Fakt that she issa ownliest Suffolk County SPCA Prosecutor and Smart, Famous Person we heer at Our Warren actually know. She got justice for poor Maximus Dog."

And Missy said, "Yeah, and she was onna 'YouTube', too. Put that inna Hay Diaries, too. Just so animal abusers ebberywheres know that if they Break The Law and hurt an animal in Suffolk County Noo Yawk, Auntie Michelle is gonna Bring the Order Part down on their heads." And Missy chuckled.

"Mr Mouse said that." She added. And when I didn't say ennyfing clever she sort of frowned and said, "Well, I thought Whut He Said was cute. Ennyways, Judge Rudy Esquehare and Pumpkin are *rilly* proud ob their Mawmie! 'Bout time sumbunny started doin' sumfing Right about animal abuse, onna'count obba fakt it's wrong!"

And she looked at me and frowned again. "I said that and I thought that was preddy cute, too. Ennyways, Mr Mouse is proud ob Auntie Michelle, too. He said she issa Bestest ADA inna Whole Wide Werld and not just in Suffolk County Noo Yawk. He said she might even be as good a ADA as good Jack McCoy on Law and Order - afta all, they are both on television and famous and all. But Auntie Michelle is prettier and she can afford a whole car and not just a moddercykle."

And then Missy glared at me.

And I'm, like, "Whut?", because I was still back trying to puzzle out "moddercykle".

And Missy is, like, "Moob over. I wanna sit up there."

I looked downna'whole-length of the foo-ton and noticed that I was only occupying Wun Small Part of it. There were no Catz, no pillows, nothing else taking up enny room along the entire thing. It was just Foo-ton, as far as I Could See

And I'm like, "So come up and sit. It's not like we're embarassed for space or ennyfing."

And Missy shifts back and forth on her paws and gives me her Whaaaaaa! Look. And I'm like, "Whut, now?"

And she shifts back and forth sum more then sorta bonces on her Big Back Feets and pulls with her liddle tiny Neat Frunt Paws and manages to scramble up onna Foo-ton nextest to me.

But instead of sitting down or ennyfing, she starts Marching Up-and-Down the Foo-ton.

And because it's a nice, springy Foo-ton, I'm sitting over here, Bouncing in time to her Marching.

And I'm like, "Whut are you doing, Missy?"

"Protestin'." She says. And she keeps on Marching back-and-forth.

So I'm like, "Protestin', whut?"

"Buttox" She says.

Now MissyBun is my Beautiful BunWife of Gen'rus Pro'porshuns. Whut I mean is, she is not A Small Rabbit. Our Phil once said she hadda "NIA", which means a "Navy Issue Ass", and that she should wear a Yellow Warning Tape across where her tail was located. Missy gave him the RBB for saying that and Maman gave him a smack 'round the ear for Offending Her Feelings. But I love every ounce of her Seven Pounds.

And believe me when I say I dunno whuttaheck set her off about protesting "buttox"

So I'm, like, sitting there onna Foo-ton, bouncing while she's marching and Feeling Officially Puzzled.

And then Maman, who isn't in on this hextchange in Lagomorphin between Missy and me, calls frum her Study in to Dadda in his Office, "Brian..."

And because he can't hear her alla'way downna'hall and through walls frum there, he hasta stop Whut He's Doing and come See Whut She Wants.

We guys live to be Puzzled By Our Wimmin, lemme tell you.

So Dadda comes frum his Office innu Maman's Study and axts her "Whut?"

And Maman reads him a headline frumma New York Times Noospaper Buk Review: "Nice Résumé. Have You Considered Botox"

And it turns out to be the review of sum book called How Not To Look Old that seems to be about the hoomin preoccupation with a Fear Of Aging. Which Maman calls the Female Whine Syndrome. ("Those poor females who who suffer from tragic ill-breeding, intellectual-dwarfism and a horrible addiction to whine.")

And alla suddin Missy yells at me, "See? Whut did I tell you? Buttox! There it is! That buk says that Aging is Bad For You and that if you wanna stay young, you gotta have your buttox injected innu your head!"

And I looked at Missy, and I'm like, "Lookit, Bunnies don't Grow Old. We just Grow 'Tellygint."

But Missy says, "You don't unnerstand! This buk tells wimmins to hab their buttox injected innu their heads! This is horribul! Do you know how menny times I've heard Maman tell sumbun to 'Get their head outta their butt'? Well, now wimmin are bein' told to put their butts in their heads! It's Bad Advice!"

And I'm like, "Lookit, I dont fink..." But Missy just keeps on going:

"And now, now, onna'count ob this buk there's gonna be millions of wimmins who are being told to be 'Fraid ob Sumfing that is Totally Natchur'al! Of sumfing that they can't help but keep doin'! And NOW, there's gonna be wimmins runnin' around Noo Yawk and all ober who are gonna read this buk and go hab their buttox injected innu their heads!" She yelled.

"And all because NOBUNNY can stop ENNYBUNNY frum habbin' birfdays! And tell me, George, tell me why sumbun would wanna stop sum udder bunny frum habbin' birfdays, ennyways? That's Totally Selfish! Why take away sumbunny's Birfday Pawty? Why take away their presents? It's Mean, that's Whut It is! Getting Older is just Sumfing That Happins! And you shuld be allowed to Sellybrate it! Because it issa FAKT-OB-LIFE! Nobunny can stop it!"

And she took off again, marching up-and-downna'Foo-ton, and glaring.

"And Whut's Worse, is heer is This Buk, telling wimmin that they *have to* try to do the Impossible - stop Time Frum Passing - by doing the Stoopit - which is injecting their buttox innu their heads. And *then* you know Whut's Gonna Happin, don't you?" She stopped in frunt of me, and demanded, "Don't you, George?"

And I'm sitting there on my end of the Foo-ton, trying to guess and coming up empty, and Missy answers for me:

"Wimmins who have injected their buttox innu their heads will be talking out their butts!"

And I'm, like, "Whoa."

And Missy says, "Yeah. As if fings aren't bad enuf alreddy! If alla wimmins in Noo Yawk read this buk and start beleeving they *have to* try and spend alla their time trying to do sumfing Impossible, like Staying Forebber Young, they won't be spending time on Fings That Matter, like Prosecuting Animal Abusers! Wimmins who get convinced that they have to inject their buttox innu their heads won't be doing Impawtant Stuff, like getting onna Tellyvision and showing Animal Abusers Everywheres that if they are cruel to a critter, they are going to spend time jail..." Said Missy.

"Because you know whut wimmins Will Be Doing?" She lowered her head and narrowed her eyes. "Instead ob doing Impawtant Fings That Matter, they will lock themselves in gyms, and run NoWheres on treadmills, and talk through their buttox about how much munny they spend inna top shops where they buy their  smart-clothes to hang on their designer bodies! ."

And she *THUMPED*.

"*That's what wimmins will be doing if they buy this buk." Said Missy as I bounced up off the Foo-ton and came down again.

"They will cease to Grow 'Tellygint. And then they *rilly* will become Everyfing They Fear - old, stunted, ugly, narrow and turned-in-on-themselves because they'll be all tied up and stitched up and unable to grow in enny way at all, 'cept circular, wif their heads up their buttox.

"And," She said, hopping over to sit nextest to me. "I'll still be me, Growing 'Tellygint, instead."

And she stuck her head unner my nose. "Wanna groom my eyebrows?"

So I did.

Onna'count obba fakt I am *rilly* glad to be heer in Our Warren to 'Grow Telligent with my Beautiful BunWife ob Gen'rus Pro'porshuns.

------------------------------ By George

 


Posted by Our Warren at 11:34 AM EST
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Thursday, 24 January 2008
George's 2008 First Strand: Day Number 24
Now Playing: The Power of Mawmies

You know, I dunno who is fooling whom.

Maman and I read Alla This Stuff inna Noospapers about This Going Wrong and That Going Wrong in almost everyplace All Over, and then I go and Talk Things Over with MissyBun, my Beautiful BunWife of Gen'rus Pro'porshuns, and with Mr Mouse, and sumtimes with Dusty and Foxie, even though they are Youngbuns. And sumtimes even Da Dawg or Wunna the Catz will offer sum of their Commints and 'pinions (if they happin to have Enny) and usually we all come to The Same Conclusion:

There would be a Lot Less Trubble inna Whole Wide Werld if everybun would recognise the Power of Mawmies .

Yeah.

Just Fink Abouddit for a minit.

Now we are HouzRabbits, which is Domestic Rabbits, but we are related to Wild Cottontails and have certain fings in common. If left to ourselves, Boy-bunnies make scrapes; Gurl-bunnies dig burrows. Boy-bunnies patrol the boudaries obba territory; Gurl-bunnies make nests. Boy-bunnies defend the area; Gurl-bunnies defend the Burrows.

So who do you wanna meet - a boy-bunny who can run around at high speeds or a gurl-bunny that's all teeth and claws plugging up a narrow tunnel with kits at her back?

Yeah.

Gurl-bunnies, even Domestic gurl-bunnies are just as determined as Mawmies everywheres.

I was telling Dusty Da Lore yestidday, and he said to me, "Tell me more about Belinda Bunny. Whut was she like? I wanna'nudder Belinda story!"

And I said, "Lookit, kiddo, you wouldn't have lasted five minutes with Belinda Bunny - although she *might* have felt sorry for you onna'count obba Fakt that you are small and stoopit, in which case you might have lasted four minutes. But even Hawthorn, who was her bondmate, had Trubble with her and he hadda Genetic Defect, which gave him an advantage over enny reg'lar bunny, but just barely."

"Howcome?" axted Dusty.

"Because Belinda was a Natural Nurse Bunny." I replied. "Inna Large Warren, each bunny tends to take on a speciality, and back then, Our Warren was preddy large. There were ten bunnies living there and that was enuf bunnies that they could start having specialties. Like me,Hunny stayed awake all night and was the AlarmBunny. CloverBun had a preoccupation with 'neat' and was allus picking up stray bits of hay, so she was the House-keeping Bunny. And Belinda was always looking after the weakest, most vulnerable bunnies inna Warren, so she was the Natural Nurse Bunny. And she took in Hawthorn onna'count obba Fakt that he hadda Natural Disability."

"Like whut?" axted Dusty.

"Hawthorn was a Holland Lop bunny." I said.

"I'm part Holland Lop." said Dusty.

"Not a big enuf part." I replied. "Hawthorn wassa Bloo-eyed, White Holland Lop bunny, which means that he was born Deaf, as so menny bloo-eyed, white bunnies are. He couldn't hear a thing, but like lotsa bunnies who have a Disability, he was able to hide it. Hawthorn could unnerstand vibrations coming through the floor, so that Maman didn't know at furst that he was Deaf. So afta she had him "fixed" like ebberybunny else around here - even though nobunny's broken! - she innerduced him to Belinda Bunny.

"And Belinda didn't mind at all that Hawthorn couldn't hear and Hawthorn liked her. And Belinda let him use her as a pillow when he took a nap, so everyfing was good - even if Hawthorn was so short that he hadda sleep inna pootie-box in order to be taller than Belinda and look her inna eye. And since the ownliest way he could get through to Belinda, onna'count obba Fakt he was deaf, was to look her inna eye, he began occupying the pootie box onna Reg'lar Basis.

"Which was kinda inconveenient for Belinda because every time she hadda use the pootie-box, Hawthorn was taking up most obbit."

"So whut did Belinda Bunny do when Hawthorn was taking up the pootie-box and she hadda go?" axted Dusty.

"Well," I said, "She would either order him out, if he happined to be looking her way and could see her giving him orders. Or, if he had his back to her, which was normal, she would climb in and shoulder him aside, onna'count obba Fakt she was a Big Inkwish Spot bunny and he wassa Liddle Holland Lop. But sumtimes, he didn't move out of her way."

"And then whut happined?" axted Dusty.

"Well," I said, "Maman said that Belinda and Hawthorn hadda very long, big Habbytat that Dadda built 'specially for them inna Living Room - it was six feets long! (Click here to see it!) And Wun Day, she and Dadda were inna'nudder room, when she happined to look up frum whut she was doing and saw Hawthorn sailing past inna Habbytat. She said his ears was sorta pinned back inna breeze, and he looked like he was on wheels - just sailing along like a schooner inna breeze! And when Hawthorn got to the end obba Habbytat, he sorta jerked to a stop, and then suddinly started sailing back the 'udder way! And Maman said she was 'stonished! So she called Dadda to come see Hawthorn. And Dadda came frum wherever he was and looked and he watched Hawthorn sailing along, like he was gliding on air, with his ears pinned back inna breeze, until he went *thunk* atta udder end obba Habbytat.

"And Dadda looked at Maman and was like, 'Whuttaheck?' and went to look innu Hawthorn and Belinda's habbytat. And then he called Maman over to have a look, too.

"And there was Belinda Bunny with her little anvil-shaped head up against the side of the pootie-box, and she was shoving it for all she was worth - and there was liddle Hawthorn inside the pootie-box, going for a ride - up one way in the Habbytat until he reached the end and the pootie-pan *thunked* innu the wall. And then Belinda Bunny quick hurried up around the pootie-box, got her littled anvil-shaped head against the back of the pootie-box and began shoving it back the udder way again - with Hawthorn still inside! Alla way down the Habbytat until he *thunked* uppa'gainst the wall onna udder end!

"And like Dadda said, the Habbytat was long enuf that Belinda was getting up a pretty good turn-of-spped onna straight-away, so that the last time the pootie-box - with Hawthorn innit - *thunked* uppa'gainst the Habbytat wall, it hit preddy hard and Hawthorn tumbled out. And as he picked his liddle self up offa'the floor, Belinda hopped innu the pootie-box, turned around a coupla'times and settled down to stay."

"Wow." Said Dusty. "Whutta woman!"

"Yeah. The Power of Does. And sum Does are Mawmies You gotta respeck the Power of Mawmies. Even The Navy respecks the Power of Mawmies."

And there wassa liddle silence from the udder side of the Partition Dadda put up between Dusty and me, so I knew that Dusty was thinking this over, since he is Not Quite Bright.

So I decided I bedda hextplain. "You know how Our Phil is trained in alla that Hand-to-Hand Shaolin Martial Arts stuff and alla that Tree Sniper stuff?"

And Dusty said, "Yes..." sort of doubtful-like.

And I said, "Well, when he was inna Boot Camp, The Navy made him write home to his Mawmie every week for Eight Whole Weeks! Yeah! Maman has Saved Every Wun of Phil's ledders Uppystairs in his baby book! Every Single Wun! And that's Whut the Navy Does, they make everybun write home to their Mawmies Every Week for Eight Whole Weeks, because the Navy unnerstands the Power of Mawmies. They don't care how big ennybun becomes, or how strong ennybun gets, or how tough they fink they are, The Navy knows that there is Sumfing that is Bigger, Stronger and Tougher standing behind The Navy Than Can Beat Their Butts - and that's Mawmies. The Navy Respecks Mawmies!"

And there wassa Awed Silence frum over the Partition. So I thought I would add to it.

"And so does The Army." I said. "Onna'count obba Fakt that they have The Herd in Kin-Tuck-Eee's Auntie Grace assa Prime Hextample obba Mawmie Right Innit. The Army makes soldiers write to their Mawmies in their Boot Camp, too. They aren't Stoopit, either. Alla soldiers write home to their Mawmies, because you can just imagine Whut Would Happin if they didn't!"

And Dusty said, "Wow. You know, I seed Our Phil run away frum Maman whin she piked uppa wooden cookin' spoon and shaked it at him. And I heard MissyBun take a Whole Curley Parsley right outta your mouf!"

And, well, *that* was humillyating, but it was also Troo. Missy is allus sticking her nose in my face, demanding to know Whut I've Got. Even if I've Alreddy Swallowed It.

I wunder: if Wun Small Bunny blushes behind a Partition, does it make a sound?

Ennyways, I said, "Well, you know Whut I Fink? I fink that probably three-quarters of alla problems Maman and I read about inna Noospapers about murders and beatings and drugs and gangs could be stopped if alla Mawmies Inna Werld got Togedder and Said 'Enuf Is Enuf!'."

And Dusty said, "You fink?"

And I said, "Yeah. Because even Wun Mawmie is more Powerful than the Biggest Gang on Earth. You take a Gang Of Mawmies and nobun could stop them! Better still, fink of a Gang of Grandmawmies! Liddle old ladies in hats, with walking sticks!  Now *that* would be skerry! Can you imagine the sheer, raw power of Liddle Old Ladies Armed With Walking Sicks? Nothing inna Whole Wide Werld could stop them if they came marching downnastreet. Heh - they write aboudda group called 'Men United' in Philadelphia, and I'm preddy positive that those are a good group of men, but I'm telling you, each Wun Of Them hassa Mawmie behind him, and that Mawmie is driving each man forward! If even The Army anna Navy that hab the Mostest Members than the biggest gang, and The Army anna Navy have alla guns and grenades and rocket-launches and air-craft-carriers and Stealth Bombers there can be, and THEY Respeck the Power of Mawmies and make alla their soldiers and sailors write home to their Mawmies every single week during Boot Camp, then ennybun who doesn't Respeck The Power of Mawmies has to be A Complete Idiot!"

And there was more Silence frum Dusty's side of the Partition.

Then Dusty said at last, "So the answer to alla problems is Mawmies." 

And I said, "Yeah."

"Wun, Hetperienced Mawmie to walk up to these bad peoples onna street and say, 'Hey you! Cut that out!' That's all it takes. Because lemme tell you, Mawmies talk wif each udder. They all know each udder. There issa Whole Mawmie Netwerk out there that no boy-bun knows ennyfing about, 'cept that it hextsists. Do you know Whut I heard?" I axted Dusty.

"I heard Maman tell aboud when she lived in Inkland, there wassa Nice Young Man who was onna fing called The Rugby Team who got in Trubble onna'count obba Fakt he was acting Temporar'ly Stoopit one night. And his Mawmie heard abouddit onna'count obba Fakt that there wassa Whole Mawmie Netwerk there inna Village! And when he got home that night, his Mawmie wouldn't let him inna Houz, until he went around and 'pologised to everybun, and took his Mawmie flowers! All onna'count obba Fakt that his Mawmie heard frumma'nudder Mawmie who heard frumma'nudder Mawmie!"

And Dusty said, "Wow." again.

And I said, "That's all it takes onna Mawmie Netwerk once they get it up and going: Wun Mawmie talks to a'Nudder Mawmie and that Mawmie talks to a'Nudder Mawmie, and preddy soon, it gets back to the person's Mawmie, just like inna Warren, and then suddinly, there you are, and there's your Mawmie, and no matter how tall you are, she's still standing over you and saying, 'Hey, you! Whut hab you been doing?' And it doesn't madder if you did it or not, or even if you alreddy swallowed that Curley Parsley, she's a Mawmie, and you're suddinly three inches tall and you know  you're gonna get it."

"Get whut?" axted Dusty.

"Doesn't matter." I replied. "You don't ebben gotta know whut 'it' is. All that matters is that 'it's' on 'it's' way, and that you're gonna get 'it' onna'count obba Fakt your Mawmie is gonna deliver it.

"Because it is hard-wired innu our brains sumwheres very early on, no madder whut species we happin to be, that if Mawmies are dishing it out and it isn't dinner, we don't want enny!"

------------------------------ By George!


Posted by Our Warren at 11:02 AM EST
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Wednesday, 23 January 2008
George's 2008 First Strand: Day Number 23
Now Playing: Why the Catz Have a'Partmint
Topic: Da Lore

Hoo boy!

Maman and Dadda have to Reggy-ster Da Car. I dunno why this is such a Big Deal for them, but it seems like ennyfing that has to do with filling out forms, or running around, or stuff, causes a lotta Extry Trubble and Panick around here.

So, like Missy said, for a HouzBunny, my best Course of Action is to find Some Place Where They Are Not and Get On With Whut We Do - which right now, is Typing Tiday's Entry Inna Hay Diaries.

Now Dusty and Foxie are Noo Bunnies to Our Warren. They do not Know The Lore as it was told to me by me,Hunny, Senior Bun of Our Warren. As Top Bun it is part of Whut I Do to tell The Lore to them. As me,Hunny said to me when I wassa Youngbun, a big part of Preparing Forda Future is Knowing The Past. You don't know Where You're Going if you Don't Know Where You've Been. The Lore of a Warren is allus kept and passed on frum Wun Bunny toda Udders, so nobun will make the same mistakes as bifore, and the Whole Warren prospers. 

Ennyways...

meHunny was part obba Original Our Warren. He lived to be Thirteen-Anna-Half Years Old! This is Very Old for a HouzBunny. Over this time, he learned a Lotta Lore.

Which he passed on to me, George.

So Lastest Night - afta Salad Time and Maman had turned offa BunLight and called out, "'Night Bunnies!" and she and Dadda trundled off to the Bedroom with Da Dawg to Go To Bed - when Dusty poked his nose up outta his Romaine Cup and  axted me, "Why do Da Catz hab their own 'partmint Uppystairs, George, and we only gotta BunRoom down heer?", I was reddy wiffa answer.

"Inna Beginning of Our Warren," I said, "There was just Maman, Our Phil, Heatherington and meHunny, and they lived inna 'Nudder Houz. Then came the Terrible Times and they had to move Innu the Old Houz, and they 'dopted Maggie, who became Hunny's Beloved Bondmate. And then they 'dopted Belinda Bunny because they thought she would bond to Heatherington. And then Maman discovered that Heatherington wasn't having enny of *that*, and so Belinda Bunny, since she was an Inkwish Spot, just took over the Old Houz instead. And that issa Whole'Nudder Story!

"Ennyways...

"They had Almost No Money and me,Hunny said Lots of Bad Things happened to Alla Them Togedder, and they had Lotsa 'Ventures - which inklooded Phil 'dopting KayCee Kitty frumma Shelter (and she lives with him still!).

"And Then Wun Day, when Fings were just about At Their Worstest, a bunch of roses arrived frum Dadda, anna note, that said, 'Enuf Is Enuf'. So Maman and Phil took a Ride-Inna-Car alla way toda Airport at Noo Yawk onna'count obba fakt Dadda arrived Frum Inkland To Marry Maman.

"So me,Hunny and Maggie hadda ride in their Baskets to Saint Luke's Church and be part the Wedding Service with the Rev'rind Doctor Ginny Sheay, onna'count obba Fakt that Bunnies Bond for Life, and Maman and Dadda wanted to demonstrate to everybun how faithful a commitmint they shared by having Maggie and Hunny take part in their wedding. So Hunny and Maggie said, "Hokay", they would go Saint Luke's Church, but they weren't having enny offa "Reception" stuff atta Yardley Country Club aftawards.

"And Maman and Dadda still laugh aboud Maman's Mawmie gasping atta beginning of the wedding service, "Bill! That's not what I think it is!" when she saw Maggie riding down the aisle.of Saint Luke's Church in her beribboned basket, and hearing Maman's Dadda (who was Our Bim) tell her, "Shaddup, Muriel!". It is part of Their Lore.

"The part of Our Lore is How me,Hunny and Maggie Became WeddingBunnies and witnessed Maman and Dadda get married in Saint Luke's Church.

"So, Dadda moved innu the Old Houz with Maman, and they slept inna Bedroom that was Uppystairs, Nextest Door to the BunRoom, which was where Alla Bunnies Lived in that Houz.

"So wun day, Sistah Beffy - who is Maman's Daughter - came by and brought Cokie-the-Fat-Cat with her. And Cokie wandered around with Big Eyes, looking at Ebberyfing. And when it was Time To Go, Sistah Beffy said, "Well, actually, I'm going and he's staying here. I can't afford to feed him, Mom!"

"And Maman said, 'Well, I can't let the poor kitty go homeless. We will find a way to feed Cokie.'

"So Cokie stayed. As he says, Dadda issa Good Cat-Person, and Very Kind inspite obba Fakt he says he is 'Miserable Old Bugger'. And there is Food. Lotsa Food.

"So Maman and Dadda were not paying particuar'ly close 'tention to the Catz, and let them go where they pleased, hexcept innu the BunRoom. There wassa Gate Onna BunRoom Door.

"So KayCee Kitty, who belonged to Phil, slept in Phil's Room with him. And Cokie decided that he would move innu the Bedroom with Maman and Dadda at night, and sleep on their bed.

"But Cokie is a BIG cat. And Dadda is not a small man. So there was not much room left over in Maman's bed when it came to sleeping places at night.

"So Wun Night, Cokie came wandering innu Maman and Dadda's room, and thought that he would jump up on to the comfy brass bed where Maman and Dadda happined to be sleeping. He said he thought he saw a nice spot onna matress that Dadda wasn't currently occupying.

"So Cokie scouted out the Nice Spot, then figgered outta distance frumma Floor to the Nice Spot, put out his paws and jumped.

"But he didn't quite make it.

"He had the top part of him onna bed all right, but the back half of him was still hanging off. So Cokie put out his claws and caught on to whatebber, and started to pull his butt up. When alla suddin, whutebber started screaming and jumping around - which skert the pooties outta da Cokie-Cat!

"Well, whutebber turned out to be Dadda, who had been lying on his tummy, fast asleep.

"And Cokie had hooked his claws in right behind Dadda's shoulder blade.

"So Cokie's holding on for Grim Death with his frunt claws, with his back-end off the floor and his butt swinging, and Dadda's nailed to the bed, with claws implanted deeply into the muscle tissue of his back.

"And Dadda is screaming, and Cokie's screaming. And Maman wakes up and she starts screaming, because it's dark and she doesn't know Whut's Going On.

"So over inna BunRoom, Belinda Bunny started *thumping*, and me,Hunny, who was the AlarmBunny, started *THUMPING* and everybunny panicked...

"And then Phil came running outta his room at Top Speeds, just as Dadda finally got a grip onna back of Cokie's neck, and hurled him Right Through the Air like a Furry Football - Screaming Alla Way - innu Phil.

"So a lotta lights were turned on, and Maman ran to the bafroom for gauze, and Band-Aids and stuff, and Dadda was cursing in Fluent Anglo-Saxon. And then afta Maman got them all patched up, they went looking for Cokie who was hiding unner'neaf ob sumfing alla way Downnastairs, 'fraid to come out, and Dadda said how he was sorry but Cokie *rilly* hadda learn to Stay Onna Floor!

"And to This Day, Dadda has scars on his back frum The Cokie Claws.

"And now, when it is Night, All Catz, inklooding Cokie, MUST go Uppystairs to sleep in their Own 'partmint where they each have a whole Foo-ton to themselves in their Own Rooms with their Own Litter Boxes, so that they don't have to sleep with each udder, if they don't want to. But they can never, Ever, NEVER sleep inna Bedroom bed with Dadda ever again! ('cept for one time, and that is a Whole 'Nudder Story!).

"And that is The Lore, as it was told to me, George, by me,Hunny, Senior Bun of Our Warren." I said to Dusty.

And there was Silence frum the Udder Side of the Partition between Dusty's Habbytat anna Habbytat that I share with Missy, my Beautiful BunWife ob Gen'rus Pro'porshuns. And I knew that this Silence was onna'count obba Fakt that Dusty is a Youngbun, besides being a miniLop, so he's Not Overly Bright. The Lore is Not Easy for Youngbuns to grasp, sumtimes.

And finally, frumma Udder Side of the Partition, I heard Dusty say, "Wow. Talk about exile..."

And I heard him snuggle down in his hay-pile and go to sleep.

-------------------------------------- By George.

 .


Posted by Our Warren at 2:27 PM EST
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Tuesday, 22 January 2008
George's 2008 First Strand: Day Number 22
Now Playing: Eight O'Clock Inna Morning

There is sumfing about Eight o'clock Inna Morning around here at Our Warren.

Dunno whut.

But the Standing Clock inna Living Room chimes Eight times inna Morning and Maman goes Downnastairs frum her Study with her empty coffee cup. Just how she manages to run outta that Sekond Cuppa Coffee just at Eight o'clock Inna Morning beats me! 

But she does.

And she goes Downnastairs and Missy-and-me go back innu Our Habbytat and That's The End Obbit.

And right afta that, Maman Declares that it's Treat Time, so it's not Too Bad, but Furst, we gotta waid-a-minit while she fills her empty Cup back up with coffee frumm coffee-maker nextest to the stove.

And she sets her Cup of Coffee onna counter. (This is important.)

So then, just a liddle afta Eight o'clock she Opins the Salad Bank, takes out the bag of Baby Organic Carrots and comes innu the BunRoom. And she allus says the same things to Each Of Us:

To Missy and Me: Allright! Allright! Missy! George! Miss - Geo - Miss- Will You Two stop stepping on each other? Hold on! Watch! See? Two! Two carrots for each of you! No, Missy, you can't sit on three of them and eat the fourth! George! Don't take that out of Missy's mouth! Settle down, BOTH of you!

To Mr Mouse: And wun for Mr Mouse anna'nudder wun for Mr Mouse. He's mawmie's Good bunny isn't Mr Mouse-ums? Mawmie's liddle piggie-boy, grunting alla way! (How Mouse gets away wif alla grunting is beyond me!)

To Dusty: In your bowl, Dusty! Look in your food bowl! See the carrot? It's in your crock, Dustmeister. Ohforgoodness'sake, Duster, your crock! Look in your food bowl! Look - In - Your....DustBucket! - LOOK IN YOUR FOOD BOWL, YOU SILLY RABBIT! There ya go. Goodgrief.

To Foxie: Here you go, Little Foxie-Princess-Chick. No, look! It's over there. Here, see? Right there. Look! Here! Ohtohellwithit, you'll find it.

Then she closes uppa bag of Baby Organic Carrots and deposits them back innu the Salad Bank. And she migrates innu the Kitchin, turns onna sink, and puts wadder innu Dadda's Kettle and pops the button onna top.

Then she's off Downna'Hallway towards the bafroom and there's the sounds of more wadder 'plashing around and doors opining and closing. Then we hear her snap her fingers and here she comes back innu the BunRoom, again, with her arms full of laundry anna Dawg jogging along around her feets.

And she's yelling atta Da Dawg inna loud whisper, "Will you please get out frum unner my feet? Marc, over here. Here. Over, dammitDawg, here! MOVE IT! I can't get the door opin with you inna'way! *sheesh* There. Good Dawg! Markie-Dawg!"

Anna Stoopit Dawg stands there, and grins and bangs his tail innu Our Habbytat.

And then Maman says, "Markie-Dawg wanna go outside? Go On Patrol?" while she's unlocking the Back Door. Then she fools around with the door-knob for awhile, trying to get a grip onnit, and inna meantime, Da Dawg is dancing around and trying to cross his paws atta same time onna'count obba Fakt that he hasta *go*.

And Maman's habbin' Trubbles wiffa door, onna'count ob her Arthuritis and stuff, anna Dawg's dancing is reaching that Critical Stage where it's gone from "happyfeets" to "lemmeouttaheer". But finally, she gets the Back Door opin, and then she manages to get the Outside Door opin. So a blast of Rilly Cold Air comes in, and Maman says toda Dawg,

"There we go! Go count your Squirrels!"

Anna Dawg takes off like sum kinda rocket, barking his fool head off, shouting at the squirrels that's he's on his way. Of course, by the time he gets to the tree where the Squirrels usta hang out, (until Dadda hadda udder trees near it cut down so the Squirrels don't hang out there ennymore), whatever Squirrels might have been there are alreddy gone. But Da Dawg hasta look up the tree ennyways and bark back to Maman that there aren't enny Squirrels outside inna Gardin, for him to Count onna'count obba Fakt that he's looked.

Counting Squirrels is Da Dawg's Furst Job Obba Day. And his Sekond Job is to Go On Patrol. Which is Whut He Does. Border Collies have to be given Jobs or else they invent them, Maman says.

So, by this time, Dadda's Kettle is out inna Kitchen doing whut Maman calls "Singing" but which is actually Rumbling like a small earfquake by enny udder name. And the Standing Clock inna Living Room is chiming the quarter-hour.

And then Maman traipses outta the BunRoom, saying to us as she passes by, "Isn't that nice? All bunnies eating!"

And Missy is like, "You gave us carrots. Whuttaya'hextpect?" between chomps.

By which time Beep-da-Udder-Cat has shown up Downnastairs and is inna Kitchin, standing there looking at Maman with that deeply puzzled face Catz get.

And Maman allus says the same fing to her, too: "Your Dawg is outside, Missus. Go talk to your Father."

And Dadda has preddy much pretended that he can stay asleep through alla this, but he rilly can't. Maman says that she creeps around'da Houz as Quiet Assa Mouse, but that's whut Dadda calls a Load Of Bolloxes (Inkwish for, "not troo"). Maman and Dadda seem to have this Theory that since they are Awake, EveryBun else inna Whole Houz has bedda be Awake, too, and if not, they'll make sure that they are.

But not until Eight o'clock Inna Morning.

Onna'count obba' Fakt that Maman and usually Dadda, too, wake up while it is still Dark most obba time, and they will get their ownliest coffee and tea, and then tippy-toe Uppystairs wiffout saying One Werd, turn on their 'puters and Go To Werk In Total Silence! Anna Dawg will go with them and not go On Patrol, anna Cats will stay asleep, and I sit onna foo-ton and Missy hextplores the Study and nobun makes a sound.

Until Eight o'clock Inna Morning.

So ennyways...

Afta Maman tells Beep to go talk to Dadda, she goes out innu the Living Room to Pull the Drapes and even we can see the Load of Sunshine that comes flooding in when that's done.

And usually, right afta that is when she meets up Dadda inna Hallway, and she allus says the same fing:

"Oh, you're up!"

Like there's sum big surprise there.

And just then, the button on Dadda's Kettle inna Kitchen "pops" and the wadder for his tea is ready. (Ob course, if he is still inna Bedroom when the Kettle "pops", Maman will make tea and take his Cuppa to him In Bed, but usually, he tries to get to her bifore she gets to the part where she is careening gently offa walls Downna'Hallway while trying to balance a cuppa boiling wadder with milk and sugar innit.)

And Maman loads up Dadda's Big Cup with two tea-bags frumma jar, pours in sugar frumma basin (Funny fing is, she is allus yelling at Phil that he must "use a spoon!" when ebben she pours frumma basin. Dunno whut's up with that.), and then she pours inna wadder frumma Kettle.

And Dadda comes out innu the BunRoom, opins the Back Door, and lets in more cold air. And he snaps his fingers and heer comes Da Dawg.

Along with anudder Blast of Cold Air.

So ob course, Missy is glaring at him.

And Dadda looks at Missy as he is closing the door and he says, "Whut are You Buggers looking at?"

And since I'm usually not even involved in this, I'm like, "Whut?"

While Missy, who is glaring at him onna'count obba Fakt she's usually in the line for the blast of cold air, yells back, "I'm lookin' at you, Stoopit!"

And Dadda says to her, "Well, see here Bug-a-Lugs, if your butt wasn't always on the pootie-pan, it wouldn't get Cold Air up it, now, would it?"

And Missy's like, "I'm warning you, Buster."

And Maman allus says to Dadda, "Brian, she doesn't like being called 'Bug-a-Lugs'. One of these days, she's going to pee on you."

And Dadda alluss laughs, "She can try!"

And Missy allus sits and glares and says to me, "Wunna these days!"

And she's been practicing, too, by using Da Dawg assa target as he goes outta Back Door. So far, she just manages to hit the wall, but she's going for distance, lemme tell you!

And then we can hear Cokie-the-Fat-Cat *ker-fump-ker-fump-ker-fumping* Downnastairs and *tunk-tunk-tunk-ing* innu the Dining Room. And he stops and he sits and he *sighs*, but since there is usually no additional food forthcoming, he gets up, flicks his tail and shambles off Dowwna'Hall towards the Sitting Room. There issa Big Red Chair inna corner obba Sitting Room that he's claimed for his Morning-Innu-the-Middle-Obba-AftaNoon Nap, and he wants to get innu it bifore Maman comes up wif enny bright ideas like he hasta Go Toda Spa or ennyfing.

So by now, the Standing Clock inna Living Room is chiming Eight-Anna-Half o'clock Inna Morning, and that's usually when Maman has done Alla These Things, caused Alla This Disruption and Waked The Entire Houz.

And by now, she is ready to back Uppystairs and Resume Werk. And Now is when she goes for her Cup Of Coffee that she poured outta the coffe-maker and left onna counter. (I told you this was important!)

And, so, the Cup of Coffee has gone cold.

So she mutters, "Bugger!", picks uppa Cup of Coffee, slams it innu the microwave-box, pushes sum buttons and stands there, watching, while the light comes on and the Cup of Coffee turns around and around inside obba microwave-box.

And while she's standing there, watching her Cup of Coffee turn around inside the microwave-box, Dadda is alreddy on his way Uppystairs, and he's gotta parade obba Cat anna Dawg trailing afta him. So he stops onna stairs and calls down to Maman,

"What's wrong, Sweetheart?"

And Maman says, "Wouldn't you know it? I come down here to pour Wun Cup of Coffee at Eight o'clock Inna Morning and *two sekonds later* it's alreddy gone cold! Have I ever told you I HATE microwaved coffee?"

And Dadda replies, "Every morning, my love, right about...oh..."

And the Standing Clock inna Living Room clicks and wheezes, and begins to chime three-quarters-obba-hour...

"...now."

---------------------------------------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 11:05 AM EST
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Monday, 21 January 2008
George's 2008 First Strand: Day Number 21
Now Playing: Every Farmer
Maman and I got up This Morning to discover that the ‘puter wasn’t connected to ennyfing.

So Maman was like, “Well, either we didn’t pay our bill or Verizon is down for maint’nance.”

And I looked up at her and axted, “Whut’s ‘maint’nance’?” onna’count obba Fakt I had no kloo why we couldn’t read the Noospapers like we usually do. Bunnies do not like their routines disturbed.

And Maman said “maint’nance” is when Verizon sends the Can-You-Hear-Me-Now?-Guy around its buildings to check on alla wires. She says they do it early inna morning onna holidays when their surveys show nobun is gonna be awake and using their servers. ‘Cept for us.

And because we’re never on ennybunny’s survey, that’s how come we were out there, dangling in the wind onna whip-end obba InnerNet while Verizon checked their wires.

Hey guys! Can you hear Wun Small Bunny now?

*geez*

So yestidday, Maman and Dadda changed out the pootie pans and Dadda told Maman that “Tomorrow” (that being  Tiday“Without Fail” he was gonna Get Out Inna Gardin.

So Maman, who is entirely a CittyKid, said, “Um, lookit, dear. It’s January. In case you didn’t notice, this is Deepest Winter.”

And Dadda said that, Yeah, he knew that.

And Maman went to join him, looking outta the Back Door, and she said, “You do realise the ground is frozen rock-hard out there.”

And Dadda said that Every Farmer Prepares Forda First Ploughing Bifore February.

And Maman rolled her eyes.

Now Maman has told me about this “Every Farmer” talk before, when it is just her, me and Missy all taking togedder and there are No Udder hoomins.

And Maman says that the “Every Farmer” kind of talk is sumfing she usta hear inna Lower Buck in Waddington in Lancashire in England where she usta  Live Bifore There Was Our Warren.

She said that, in Waddington there was no television and no Noospaper, because the Village was that tiny. So she usta go toda Lower Buck that was DownnaLane Frum Her Cottage and she would sit inna “ snug” by the fire and hire a “medium white” to sit on her table so she could listen while the Lancashire farmers sat around and talked. And, she said that if you got Enuf of the “Owd Boys"  all seated around the liddle tables inna Snug, preddy soon Wun of Them would say,

Every Farmer” and then add his personal idea of Proper Farming Technique -  which topic was not important (favourites in  Lancashire involved Sheep, Cows; udder topics were popular in udder parts ob Inkland)! - but as soon as Wun Owd Boy said, “Every Farmer”, there was sure to be AnUdder Owd Boy who would turn to him and say, 

No Farmer I ever knowed.” – or werds to that effect.

And then, as Maman said, They Were Off!

And The Argument was Nebber Dif’frunt, because as soon as Wun Farmer said that "Every Farmer” did thus-and-so, there would be Sum Udder Farmer to claim that No Farmer” would ever do thus-and-so. And then there would be a Third Farmer who would jump up and say that he had done Whutebber for “Thurty-yeers-man-and-boy-aye! ” as had his Fadder before him, and his Gran’Fadder bifore him, unto the Third and Forf Genny’rayshun.

And preddy soonest, the Whole Lower Buck was inna’Uproar, wif Farmers pounding onna liddle tables and shouting about their Ancestors.

Maman said the “Every FarmerArgument Never Failed. And that it was Endlessly Ennertaining. Onna’count obba Fakt that “   Every FarmerIn England Knows Whut Is Best, and No Udder Farmer Knows Pooties.

And Maman says that she Cherishes this Remnant of the Owd West-country  "Every Farmer" that keeps popping out frum inside of Dadda enny time he contemplates a patch of dirt.

So there he was Yestidday AftaNoon, standing by the Back Door, looking out upon the Back Gardin and telling her about “Every Farmer  ”.

And Maman said to him, “Mebbe ‘every farmer’ in Somerset and Devonshire has his plough in by February, darling, but we're in Noo Joisey. Tomorrow is supposed to be the coldest day of the year so far - minus eight degrees on the Celsius thermometer.”

And Dadda looked over and axted her, “Are you sure about the conversion?”

And Maman smiled and said, “No. I’m numerically challenged, remember? Concepts, yes; Operations, no.”

And Dadda nodded. “So the ground might not be frozen (Dadda pronounces it “Frah-zin” and Maman says “Froh-sen”, just so you can sorta imagine the dif’frunce.). It probably won’t be. We’re further south here than in we’d be in England.” And then he added, “The Romans grew grapes in Kent.” Like that bit of information was going to help something.

“And the Vikings grew grapes in Labrador.” Maman countered. “But you’re not going to get grapes here.”

And Dadda said, “I’m not growing grapes. I’m going to dig up that bit next to Hunny’s Herb Gardin and spread pooties frum the Compost Pile over it.”

Sheila grew grapes in Lancashire.” Offered Maman.

“But she had them Under Glass.” Dadda observed. “No Farmer would have tried to grow grapes in Lancashire.”

“Well,” Maman said, “The Vikings found grapes in Labrador, and Labrador is part of the same geological landmass as Lancashire.”

And Dadda just looked at her. “Sheila was a gardiner.” He said, like there was something wrong with that. “No Farmer   would grow grapes in Lancashire.”

And Maman took out Mr Broom that she keeps in the corner near to the Washing Machine and began to sweep up the BunRoom, starting unner’neath of Missy-and-Me.

“But we’re not farming.” She said, poking Mr Broom unner’neath of Our Habbytat. “At least we weren’t the last time I looked.”

“But we could farm.” Said Dadda.

“Ya think?” Said Maman in her “Joisey-Gurl” accent that is preddy close to the same inflection MissyBun has, ‘cept Missy issa Noo Yawk Chik.

“All we need are five worms per shovel.” Said Dadda, and he nodded towards the Back Door, as though the worms were lined up and just waiting for him, personally. “And if I get the Compost Heap spread, the worms will come. Hunny’s Rose and Herb Gardin has at least five-worms-per-shovel. Probably more. And Tomorrow I’ll dig up that bit next to the Herb Gardin and spread Compost on that, and there will be worms.”

And Maman dragged Foxie’s Hospiddle Habbytat frum nner’neath of Dusty’s Habbytat and began poking Mr Broom unner there.

“Well,” said Maman. “When you get your worms in, I want to have three more Rose Bushes.”

“Where?”

“In that New Section where you’re inviting in all the worms.” Said Maman. “And I want to expand the Herb Part of Hunny’s Gardin, too. We can maintain the Curley Parsley, the Flat Parsley, the Dill, and of course that big patch of the Williamsburg Heritage Mint…”

“Which has become a weed;” added Dadda. “It’s all over out there.”

“The bunnies will eat it,” Said Maman, still sweeping. “And then I want to plant some Rosemary, and more of Missy’s Tomatoes.”

And Dadda looked at Missy chewing thoughtfully on sum hay.

“Well, tomatoes won’t be hard to do.” He said. “After all the tomatoes she ate last year there must be enough seeds in that midden to stock  a Garden Store.”

He looked at Missy and Missy looked back at him and demanded, “Whut?”

And Maman said, “Well, I packed her as full of tomatoes as I could so there would be seeds in the Compost.”

“And at the rate that Rabbit inhaled tomatoes, we should have nothing but seeds.” Said Dadda. Then he added, just to Missy,  “Bug-a-Lugs.”

And Missy glared at him while she sucked up a strand of hay.

“You tawkin’ to me, Chubbo?” She axted.

And Dadda went over and made a withdrawl frumma Salad Bank, but Missy wouldn’t take the Baby Organic Carrot frum his hand onna’count obba fakt he called her “Bug-a-Lugs ”. Missy says she doesn’t know whut “Bug-a-Lugs” means, but she’s preddy sure it’s not good, so she allus gives Dadda the RBB, no matter whut he’s offering her – unless it’s raisins. ( Missy loves her raisins!)

And Maman was still wailing away industriously atta stray hay onna floor with Mr Broom.

And Dadda said as he closed Our Habbytat,

Our Warren eats everything. They haven’t turned down a good meal yet. I was thinking carrots in the New Section. We could save a small fortune if we grew carrots.”

And Maman stopped sweeping for a minute to lean on Mr Broom. (She gets a little wobbly when she’s sweeping.)

“Can we grow carrots?” She axted, and she grabbed onto Mr Mouse’s habbytat.

Dadda put down the bag of Baby Organic Carrots on Our Habbytat and reached out to hold on to her shoulder.

“You hokay, dear?” He axted.

Maman nodded, but her eyes were wandering separately.

And just as Missy started to periscope to have a sniff atta bag of Baby Organic Carrots on top of Our Habbytat, Dadda reached back without looking and moved the bag over to the top of the Washing Machine, where she couldn’t get to it.

And Missy glared at Dadda and sniffed, “Sulk! I’m gonna sulk!”

“Sucks to be you.” Said Dadda over his shoulder to her.

Then he looked down on Maman and axted her, “You all right now?”

And Maman said, “Yeah.” Then she looked up at him and axted. “Are we *rilly* gonna grow carrots?”

And Dadda said, “Every Farmer can grow carrots. They’re a staple crop in Somerset and Devonshire. Every Farmer gets his plough in by February, and spreads his first load of shit so it can get in good by March. And then Every Farmer gets his Spring Crops in – his carrots, his peas, his runner-beans…”

“His herbs…” Added Maman.

And Dadda shook his head, “Nay girl, No Farmer does Herbs,” he corrected, lapsing into the West-county dialect.

He put his arm around her shoulders and began steering her out obba BunRoom. “Thy wants Spring Crops. Herbs, now be's wimmin’s werk…”

“But I am a wimmins.” Protested Maman, trailing Mr Broom along behind her.

“Thee are, I ain’t. And Every Farmer knows…”

 ……………………………………….. By George


Posted by Our Warren at 11:35 AM EST
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Sunday, 20 January 2008
George's 2008 First Strand: Day Number 20
Now Playing: Simple!

Hokay, I don't get it. I *rilly* don't get it. Mebbe because I am a HouzRabbit or sumfing, but I still just Don't Get It.

I'm here reading NoosPapers with Maman again, like we do early every morning onna'count obba Fakt that Maman issa NoosJunkie and a WedderWeenie.

She said she issa NoosJunkie because she is "incurably curious" (Phil says that means the same fing as being a "gossip" - but Maman says that if she wassa genuine "gossip" she would be having her hair "done" atta House-of-HairSpray near the Old Houz, or belong a Firehouse or Ladies' Auxilliary or go to the wunna the pharmacies inna neighbourhood to get 'prenticed to wunna a genuine GossipMongrel - onna'count obba Fakt she would have to learn frum the genuine GossipMongrels how to get a much more narrow and detailed Presumed Knowlege of local pulp fiction than she can get frum reading The New York Times!).

And Maman issa Wedder Weenie because Wedder makes her sick. She went to bed Lastest Night with a *Rilly* Bad Migraine, so we had Salad Time early. And onna'count of Going To Bed Early, so she Waked Up *rilly* Earlier this morning so we've been reading the NoosPapers togedder being Quiet while Dadda and Da Dawg Sleeped.

So Maman and I are sitting in her Office Chair, reading the NoosPapers, togedder, and almost ebbery wun we read has sum article innit about Climate Change, or the Glaciers Melting, or Global Warming. And the articles were Very Alarming, like they were telling about The End Obba Werld!

And Wunna the Fings all the articles had in common was that they all say that We Are Not doing Enuf to Prevent Disater from happining to Our Very Own Werld.

And then there were more articles telling about how hoomins need to do More Recycling, More Conservation, and have More Resepct for The Planet.

And then Maman I and I read a Coupla'more articles about how ebberybunny needs to Learn the Science of Living Green, and how Science is gonna Save The Werld.

And I'm finking to myself, "Hold onna'sekond. According to the Lore, as it was told to me by Hunny *Senior Bun* of Our Warren, back Inna Beginning of Our Warren, when there was only Two Bunnies inna Warren - meHunny and Heatherington - which would be in 1996 - the Rev'rind Doctor Ginny Sheay who wassa friend of Our Warren's anna Priest of SaintLuke's said,

"We are stewards, not owners of the planet."

And she went on to give a talk, called a "homily" on that subjekt.

Now Wunna The Furst Points she made during this "homily", Hunny said, was that hoomins nebber were In Charge obba Earth!

Nope! Hoomins don't OWN IT!

They didn't make it, so it doesn't Automatically Belong to Them just because they are Here.

And Wunna the Sekond Points that she made wassat hoomins aren't doing such a Great Job of Taking Care obba Earth!

Which is Perfecktly Troo, when you come to fink obba Fakt that so menny Perfecktly Nice Bunnies are sitting in Shelters, waiting for Forebber Homes, and so menny wild Cottontail Bunnies are losing their homes to greedy hoomin developers and builders and gen'rilly mean people who fink alla Opin Land is just "theirs" because they are hoomin. Let's face it - Hoomins even have a hard time Getting Along with Udder Hoomins, let along Getting Along with Udder Species!

And Wunna the Third Points that the Rev'rind Doctor Ginny Sheay made in her "homily" wassat, as Stewards, wunna these days, hoomins were going to have to account for their stewardship to the Owner Obba Planet.

And it's not gonna be preddy!

And she also pointed out inna "homily" that the Anglican Faith has been talking about Stewardship for a Very Long Time - and that nobunny has been listening!

Yeah!

So, wike, Why is nobunny listening? The Anglican Faith has been around for Five Hunnert Years saying "We are Stewards, not Owners of the Planet." and here is alla this Global Warming and Climate Change and Waste of Resources still going on around Us. It's like ebberybunny is using up ebberyfing inna greedy, selfish way, just like they Own It All! And they don't. We share the Earth Togedder.

So whut gives?

There are an awful lotta Writers and Finkers, like sum guy named Christopher Hitchins and sum Udders, who say that the Anglican Faith has been Wrong for the Whole Five Hunnert Years - and Hoomins are not "Stewards" of ennyfing, because Anglicans believe God owns the Planet and these Writers and Finkers believe There Is No God. And these Writers and Finkers write buks and articles that are Preddy Dismissive ob Udder's Beliefs and Reasoning, and try to Prove Through Logic that Science has Alla Answers to Ebberyfing.

Well, I might be a HouzRabbit, but I also can Fink, and probably as good as these Writers and Finkers. And as I am finking, Science has Answers to Sum Fings, and Anglicans have Answers to Udder Fings.

BOTH fings are Necessary and they Are Not Mutually Hextkloosive. This is onna'count obba Fakt that they Hextplain Dif'frunt Fings. Ennybunny who has read Stuff written during whut Maman calls "The Age of Enlightenment" when Science divided frum Magic will unnerstand this: Religion seeks to 'stablish hoomins' relationship toda Universe; Science issa roadmap to unnerstanding how the Universe Werks.

Two Dif'frunt Fings.

Nobunny got over the sense of Wonder, but ebberybunny preddy much got over the idea of esoteric mysteries. Placing faith in hoomin knowlege of empty "ritual" got replaced by finding nature inna living werld, but belief in the Creator who brought it all into being was never in question.

So far as I can see, No matter where the sphere of Infinity is located there is allus  Greater Still beyond it - unless, of course, the individual is the highest expression of existence (in which case, that individual issa the Wun Who Is Responsible for Ebberyfing and bedda do sumfing to fix existence because sum Stuff is going seriously wrong with Their Planet

Science and Belief in God don't Hextklood Each Udder; they Compliment and Enrich Each Udder - because they BOTH can lead to discovering the same fing: this Universe was not Made By Hoomins. It has Rules and Laws that can be discovered by Science, but atta End of Science, there is God. Because, if not God, then who? And if not God, then What? Science is predicated by Logic, and Logic is predicated by Intellect, and Intellect is predicated by Sentient Life - therefore God. .

And it is Troo that Science can show hoomins that there might be Global Warming going on, and mebbe provide details aboudda Glaciers Melting and show ways to Manage Resources Bedda. And it is also Troo that Science can tell how alla Messed Up Wedder Patterns due to Climate Change are making Our Maman sicker and sicker with alla changing BarryMetrick Pressures Flying and Diving across Noo Joisey alla time. And Science can prove that hoomins *rilly* need to do a lot more to Recycle Stuff and cut down on alla Rubbish ebberywheres and how to grow Salad wiffout a lotta chemicals, and Not Test Products on Animals ennymore, but to use technology instead.

But atta SAME TIME, Religion, specifically Christianity, beminds ebberybunny to be a Good Steward, and to Respect This Planet.

Science can show us HOW to be Good Stewards, but the Rev'rind Doctor Ginny Sheay told WHY it is Necessary to be Good Stewards!

Onna'count obba Fakt it is Whut We Do.

And that alla these writers ob NoosPaper articles, like Mr Hitchins and alla the wuns like him, who are so dismissive of people like Maman and the Rev'rind Doctor Ginny Sheay, cannot belive in being Good Stewards obba Planet. Instead, they seem to believe that they are sumhow Owners, and In Charge of Whut Is Going On.

And sumhow, I don't fink that the hoomins like Mr Hitchins and alla the hoomins like him are Important enuf to be in control obba Glaciers, or obba Artic, or obba Wedder Frunts that move across Noo Joisey, or in charge ob Ennyfing - and if they ARE "in charge" then they must be *rilly* messed up, or else have let Udder Hoomins mess up around them!

Because if there is no God, no Architect of the Universe, as the the atheists assume, then the Responsibility for How Things Are and How Stuff Happins rests all on hoomins, all on their Ownliest! And hoomins had bedda Fix Ebberfing with Science onna'count obba Fakt that they claim Science to be their Ownliest Hope!

Which, with the current State of Science, (since it can only demonstrate, not fix and not create), looks to be Preddy Grim.

But according to Whut Hunny Told me inna Lore, the Rev'rind Doctor Ginny Sheay said in her "homily" that "We are Stewards, not Owners of the Planet.", that seems to be more Hopeful.

It means that we have a chance do bedda. We must do bedda. We habba obligation to do bedda in Conservation and Eddykayshun and in being Alla Us Togedder in God's Great Warren. We have a reason to be Hopeful...

Because we are not OnAlone. We are part of a Warren - Alla Us Togedder. We are all dif'frunt, and being dif'frunt means that ebberybun hassa Unique Place withInna Warren.

Yeah!

We are notta End, but Part Ob. Togedder we are Stewards who share in having been Created. We are not just sorta "out there" flapping alone onna tag ends of nothingness, or "trapped here" with the entire weight of Infinity pressing down upon our heads. There are Measures we can all take, Steps we can follow, Things each of us can do to Make Fings Bedda.

But I still don't get it: Why don't these Noospaper writers and finkers seem to Get It?

It seems preddy Simple to me...

We are Stewards, Not Owners of the Planet - Our Warren, alla Our Friends and Relayshuns, Dawgs, Kitties, Udder Species inklooding Hoomins - in God's Great Warren. - Alla Us Togedder, Nobunny OnAlone!

--------------------------------------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 12:01 PM EST
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