George's 2008 First Strand: Day Number 18
Now Playing: Terminal Velocity
Now when I Furst arrived in Our Warren, I wassa Skert Little Babby Bunny about three months old. I wassa Easter Dump - wunna those poor little bunnies that is bought assa cuddly toy for Easter and then got rid of when I "became a bother" when Easter was over.
I dunno how menny times I gotta keep saying it but I'm saying it again, EASTER IS NO FUN FOR A REAL BUN! MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE! (Go HERE for more information about How You Can Help Save Bunnies' Lives at Easter!) And if you have carefully considered it, and want to share your Life with a Companion Rabbit, then GIVE A BUNNY A SECOND CHANCE - ADOPT! (And please visit the HouseRabbit Society website before you do!).
But I was Wunna the Lucky Wuns: I was left OnAlone inna cardboard box atta V-E-Ts office where Maman rescued me, but I was too young to have left my Mawmie when I was sold assa cuddly toy inna Furst Place. So When I arrived in Our Warren and found a bunch of bunnies living here, I spent a lotta time Looking For My Mawmie.
And of course, I was disappointed. There was no mawmie heer for me. (You can read about my Search for My Mawmie in the July/August 2004 entries of The Hay Diaries.) Still, I made a lotta Friends, because I joined a Warren. And onna'countobba Fakt that I was living assa Urban Rabbit inna Warren, I found my Perfect BondMate in MissyBun, my Beautiful Bun-wife of Gen'rus Pro'porshuns!
When I arrived at Our Warren, the Hoomins Who Lived Heer were Maman, Dadda and Our Phil.
And Maman is the mawmie of Our Phil. And ennybun who knows them can tell that they are Mawmie and Kit, or Mudder and Son (In Inkwish) mostly by looking at them. Even better, listening to them. It was so Then, When I Arrived, and even Now...
Like Yestidday AftaNoon, just as we were finishing up NapTime and getting ourselves ready for Evening.
The Houz had been *rilly* quiet. Dadda was inna Bedroom. He said he was "Reading", but we all know Whut Happins when he takes a Buk innu the Bedroom inna AftaNoon afta he's been werking: soon he Acquires A Cat, and then preddy soon afta that, there's Polyphonic Snoring.
And Maman was inna Sitting Room, and she was also s'sposed to be "Reading" but then she also had Acquired A Cat, (since there are Two Catz, there was One Cat to Infect Each Hoomin) and as Foxie said, the sounds ob page turning stopped inna Sitting Room and all We could hear was more obba Polyphonic Snoring and sum really boring music "Your Local Radar" Wedder Channel plays when it shows its maps onna television.
Now I am Possytive these outbreaks of Polyphonic Snoring have to do with the Acquiz-ay-shun ob Cats. It's like catching a cold, or getting Infected by Germs or sumfing.
And Outside, Guess Whut? It was gently SNOWing!
The night Bifore, alla Wedder Channel "Your Local Radar" fings onna Television had been saying "It's gonna rain" when they showed alla Maps of Us, but there it was - SNOW - falling down past Our Warren's Memorial Window - big, floaty, Flakes Of White, looking just like feathers, filling up alla crooks inna tree branches, and covering uppa Rooster WedderVane onna Garage of Don-NextestDoor!
And Missy and I were in Our Habbytat, and Alla Us Togedder were chewing hay and wondering when Maman was going to come in and Turn Onna BunLight because it was beginning to Look A Lot Like Dusk.
The telephone rang. And it sounded *rilly* LOUD onna'count obba Fakt that the Whole Houz was so Quiet, except for the Polyphonic Snoring caused by Cats.
So we heard the sound obba Buks falling onna floor inna Sitting Room, and the sound of a Cat tumbling over, and Maman stumbled frumma Sitting Room, innu the Bedroom and out innu the Kitchin wiffa Telephone.
And she pushed alla buttons onna Phone and suddinly, we heard Phil's voice like he was right inna room with Alla Us Togedder.
And Maman said toda Telephone, "So whut's up wif you?"
And we heard Phil's voice say: "I was wondering if you might have some spare change lying around."
And Maman got this anxiety-stricken look on her face and axted inna hurry, "Whutsamatta?"
And we heard Phil again: "Oh, nothing. I was driving around and I was wondering..."
And Maman sorta deflated a litted and innerupted him: "Are you outta your mind? It's SNOWing out there, Stoopit!"
And we heard a pause, and we could sorta imagine Phil, finking over his state-of-mind bifore he answered her. Then he said cautiously, "Yeah, I know. But it's not bad out."
But he should have known bedda, because even we knew Whut She Was Gonna Say nextest:
"It's not you I'm werried about; it's the Udder Idiots. I taught you How To Drive Inna SNOW, but I didn't teach them. Go Home NOW, bifore wunna them runs innu you!"
And that's hextactly whut she said.
And there was anudder slight pause frum Phil. And then he said, "Honest Mom, it's not bad out. Just a little slippery."
And while she talking onna phone, Maman had come out through the Kitchin and innu the BunRoom and turned onna BunLight. So she told Phil, "There. No more Bunnies Inna Dark."
And Phil went, "That's good. So actually, since I was out, I was wondering..."
And Maman stopped with her hand onna Big White Salad Bank and said, "Well, stop wondering and Go Home. It's SNOWing out."
And Phil said, "Yeah. I noticed." And you could almost see him, struggling to get his hands back onna steering-wheel obba conversation. "But I was on my way frum running errands and I thought since I was going past your place ennyways..."
But Maman doesn't "steer"; it's more like her mind runs on tracks. So she said. "That's good thinking, dear. You just keep on passing until you Get Home bifore ennyfing happins to you. Get Offa Road bifore some Udder Idiot runs innu you!"
And we could hear Phil as he made anudder attempt to switch tracks - but bringing Maman around to run on your tracks when she's alreaddy fixed on sum udder tracks is like trying to stop the Titanic: you need an iceberg, or a guided missil or sumfing.
"So, um," And Alla Us Tgedder heard Phil launch his iceberg. "I was just going Past your place and since I have nothing to do tonight except hit the "enter" key on my computer while I reinstall some software, I thought I'd stop and ask if you and Brian had any Loose Change that you might like to loan..."
But Maman was firmly fixed on her course. "Well you can train a monkey to hit the "enter' key for you. Good grief, you're a Computer Hardware Engineer! Can't you teach your flat-mate to do that for you? Besides, the sooner you Get Home, the sooner you'll have the stuff installed. Why are you out in the SNOW, ennyway? I'm trying to make dinner. Since you're passing, why not stop..."
And even Alla Us Togedder knew that Phil would rather eat ground-up glass at that point than eat whutebber she was making for dinner, So Phil innerupted her with. "Thanks but I alreaddy ate, Mom."
And then he hadda'nudder go at trying to swing her around to his point "The thing is that tonight is gonna be really boring, being stuck inside with nothing to do and we thought if we had a six-pack, we could pay you back tomorrow..."
And even though he was hitting the werds pretty hard, they bounced right offa Maman. And she innerupted him again:
"Well, it's nice not having ennyfing to do for once. Whut you need to do is to Go Home," She said, eluding him again and returning to her own, peculiar orbit.
"Get outta the wedder, decompress and have a nice evening in for once. Just watch the SNOW and stay away frum alla Idiots who don't know How to Drive Innit. You know how it is around here, Phil: sumbun yells "SNOW" and suddinly every Moron Wiffa Driver's License hasta jump inna car to take a spin onna Lucky Insurance Wheel. You know this is The Gambling State! Ebbery Flake inna State hassa ticket for Lotto On Ice!"
And there was anudder pause, and we just knew he was considering Gibbin Up. Not because he'd been beat, but because wherebber he was, it was Past the Point ob No Return - too far frumma Houz to make a detour and no Point in trying to pry the conversation outta this particular groove in her mental pavement
So we heard him go for the Last Ditch Effort: "Well, since I don't play the lottery..."
"And belive me, I've always been thankful that you have good sense..."
"Um, yeah...I try, but, you know, tomorrow is pay-day and we could pay you back..."
And Missy nudged me inna ribs and said suddinly, "Wun Baby Organic Carrot says she won't take the bait. She's stuck on 'Going Home' and that's it."
And I said. "No bet." Because I am not Stoopit. "But you godda admit, he's gave it a good run."
And Missy nodded, because we've seen so menny of these contests bifore.
And then Phil launched his final assult: "You know," he said. "It's not hard to have a Constantly Boring Existence when you face a night of Total Bordom that could be easily eliminated by borrowing a little loose change..."
And it was like the Proverbial Penny dropped at last, but not innu Phil's lap, so to speak.
"Did I mention that Brian didn't stop by the bank today?" Maman said. "I told him that I thought it was going to SNOW so he came straight home before the Circus hit the Streets. Besides we're going to the market tomorrow when the roads will be Clear. You're welcome to go with us..."
And Mr Mouse bounced in his habbytat and yelled, "Terminal Velocity!"
And Dusty popped up frum his haypile and axted him, "Wheredaheck is 'Terminal Velos-City?'"
And Mouse said, "It's not a city, it's the speed of sumfing falling as fast as it can and can't go enny faster onna'count obba Fakt ob 'drag'." he hextplained. "Which in this case issa place where Maman and Phil are inna conversation. Maman is stuck on Go Home and Phil is stuck on Loose Change and there's no way they're gonna meet. Ebber. So the conversation has reached 'Terminal Velocity' and isn't going enny further."
"And Our Phil knows alla'bout 'Terminal Velocity' onna'count obba Fakt that he went to 'Jump School' inna Navy and lerned how to Abandon Perfektly Good Airplanes wearing parachutes." I added. Because this is Troo: I heard Phil telling Sheeba's Dadda, Our Unkul Peter, that The Navy hadda teach him this skill in case he happined to get innu an Airplane fulla ChairForce (whutebber *that* is!).
So there was anudder pause, and then Phil said, "Thanks, Mom..."
And Maman said, "Drive carefully, dear. There are a lotta morons out there. Love you."
And Phil said, "I know, Mom. Love you, too."
And you could just hear it - the conversation was Ober. Mouse was right about Phil recognising "Terminal Velocity" when he'd reached it, s'specially when talking with Maman. It was like being in free-fall with a rock, and there was no place to go, 'cept "down".
And then Dadda came outta the Bedroom and said to Maman, "Who was that onna phone?"
And Maman said, "Phil."
And Dadda axted her, "Whut did he want?"
And Maman said, "He was running errands and I told him to go home because it was SNOWing out."
And Dadda said, "Oh."
And bent down to habba look-in on Mr Mouse. Dadda said berry softly to Mouse, "You'd think if Phil was inna car, he'd have noticed the SONW alreddy, so..."
And we could see Dadda weighing up his options about pursuing this line of thought. But Dadda had gotten preddy smart ober the years he's been in Our Warren, s'specially aboudda werkings between Maman and Phil, and like Phil, he can sense 'Terminal Velocity' approaching when a conversation wif her might be getting up to speed.
And Missy said quickly, "Two Ear-grooms or a Baby Organic Carrot he changes the subjekt!"
And I was like, "Since when did you get the bookmaking franchise around heer?"
And Dusty yelled, "Carrots? Who's getting carrots? Is it Treat-Time? I 'll have wun! Over heer! PET-THE-BUNNY! Drop a carrot!". And he began bouncing around his habitat like a loose ping-pong ball.
And so I let my ears droop and axted Mouse who had set off the Idiot Alarm *this time* and he grunted, and Dadda thought Mouse meant to him and said,
"Oh stop it, Shagbag."
Which effectively derailed Maman's train of thought.
Because she came steaming through innu the BunRoom, opened Mr Mouse's habbytat and said to Dadda,
"You know, you shouldn't call him names like that. I'm sure you're hurting his feelings. Poor little Mouse-kus! Here you are, an Apprentice ADA to Jack McCoy and some Great Big B-S-M-E is calling you 'Shagbag' - it's an indiggity!".
And Missy chortled, "You owe me, Handsum!" and did a little Victory Butt-Wiggle.
You know, I am such a sucker...
---------------------------- By George
Posted by Our Warren
at 1:24 PM EST