Now Playing: Anudder Spa Day
Well, here we go again! Anudder Spa Day has arrived for Da Dawg and Cokie-da-Fat-Cat.
So dis morning, I was mooching around in Maman's Study wif Missy, and Cokie-da-Fat-Cat was asleep onna Liddle Bafroom Floor. Dis was onna'count obba Fakt datta floor in there hadda Liddle Breeze, and he was sort ob enjoying it by habin' a Liddle Nap.
So I was just *there* around Maman's desk. You know, not doing ennyfing in partikular, just sort ob whiskerin' around unner'neaf ob her desk (which happins to be a table) and not paying much attention to ennyfing becos Cokie was doing his impression obba Ded-Cat and it's hot outside and dere is Nuffin' Going On, more or less, when heer comes Maman and she's gotta tellyphone in her hand, and she's talkin'.
And so I hop up onna foo-ton and MissyBun dashes unner'neaf obba desk. And Cokie goes on sleepin' in his Liddle Breeze onna floor inna Liddle Bafroom dat is just offa Maman's Study.
And Maman's talkin' to Auntie Michelle onna tellyphone.
And alla suddin, Maman hollers, "Oh my goodness! Dere he is! Lemme shut da door, Michelle!"
And Maman pulls uppa corner obba rug wif her foot and shuts da door between her Study anna Landing dat leads to da Liberry and Dadda's Office.
And den Maman just sits down atta desk. And she's wike, "Sorry Michelle, but Cokie's going to the Spa today and shutting the door will keep Brian and me from having to chase him all over the house. You have no idea how many bolt-holes a 40-pound Maine Coon can find in one house!"
And then Maman and Auntie Michelle went on to talk about Auntie Patricia and SA and SpiceyBunny whose phone number they hab Lost.
So Missy pokes her nose out frum unner'neaf obba desk and hollars, "Hey Cat!"
And Cokie, who is inna Liddle Bafroom, lying onna Liddle Square ob floor in dere, enjoying da Liddle Breeze looks ups, and he's, like, "Whut?"
And Missy says, "Guess whut?"
And Cokie says, "Dis bedder be good onna'count obba Fakt I wassa'leep and you waked me up."
And Missy raises up her ears and seys, "Well, you bedda find a place to hide."
And just den, outside obba door, I hear Da Dawg come barrelling Uppystairs. Now he hextpekted da door to Maman's Study to be open, onna'count obba Fakt dat it allus is - but dis time, since Maman shut it, it's closed, and so, ob course, Da Dawg runs innu it, Full Tilt.
There is a *bang* assa Dawg bounces off.
And frumma Liddle Bafroom comes da Cokie-Cat voice: "Whuttaheck wassat?"
And Missy says, "Dat wassa Dawg slamming innu da door."
And Cokie is wike, "How come he slammed innu da door?"
And MissyBun chuckles, "Onna'count obba Fakt he's Stoopit. Maman shut it."
So Cokie struggles up innu a sitting position (which is preddy hard for him becos he's obba Berry Round Pursasion) and he says, "She did whut?"
"Maman closed da door toda Study." Says Missy, wif a lotta satysfakshun. "Mainly to trap you in here. Tidday is Spa Day!"
And *dat* preddy much got Cokie's full attenshun. So he stands up alla way and comes stumping outta da Liddle Bafroom just as Maman hangs uppa phone wif Auntie Michelle.
At which point, Dadda opins da door, and Maman hollars, "Shut da door! I gotta Cat trapped in here!"
And Dadda pulls da door shut and shouts back, "I know!"
Which shows you how switched on they are.
So Maman scoops up MissyBun and tosses her up onna Foo-ton wif me.
And Missy snuggles down and says to me, "Watch dis. It's gonna ged good."
So Dadda opins da door again, starts coming in, but Maman is onna udder side and starts pushing it shut, squealing, "He's coming out behind da foo-ton!"
And Dadda sticks his foot through the door, which preddy much stops Cokie on his mission ob oozing outta door via behind-da-footon, but gets Dadda's leg caught inna door. So he yells, "Ouch!" and den, "Damnit!" and Maman lets go obba door-knob.
So Dadda manages to squeeze in, leebing Da Dawg onna udder side obba door...
...Where he starts peeping onna'count obba Fakt dat he's gonna miss ebberyfing.
So ennyways, habbing failed to ooz, Cokie has taken refuge unner'neaf obba foo-ton to weigh his options.
And Dadda goes innu da Liddle Bafroom and geds out Mr Broom.
"Whut's dat for?" axts Maman.
"To get outta cat." says Dadda, pokin' Mr Broom unner'neaf obba foo-ton.
So Dadda's pokin away, but dere is no Cokie-Cat coming out.
So Maman says, "It's not werkin'." (She hassa'hextalent Grasp Obba Obvious, Dadda says.)
So Dadda stops pokin' and starts sweeping wiffa Broom, and suddinly out pops Cokie, paddling at high speeds towards Maman's maple rocking chair inna corner byda bookshelves.
And just as Cokie is about to turn da corner dat would ged him by da Attik Door, Maman falls forwards and grabs him byda shoulders.
And outside da Study Door, Da Dawg is keeping up his Collie Anxiety-Peep.
And Dadda hollars, "Shaddup, Marc!"
Which makes Da Dawg change toda Collie Anxiety-Yip, mainly onna'count obba Fakt he wassa'ware dat dere was gonna be *some* kinda Cat-Herding going on (which he finks is Wunna His Jobs) and he was Being Left Out (unbearable fora Collie!) and Not Gonna Be Part Obba It.
So we gotta Dawg onna Wrong Side Obba Door, doing Da Collie Anxiety-Yip, anna Cokie-Cat onna Right Side Obba Door doing Da Cat Anxiety-Wail onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman had him pinned down onna carpet byda shoulders.
And here comes Dadda wiffa carrier!
"Wait for it." Says MissyBun to me onna foo-ton. "Dis is gonna get gooder."
So Dadda puts da carrier down onna floor and says to Maman, "Do you mind shifting yourself slightly to the left, my darling?"
And he says it dis way onna'count obba Fakt dat becos the way they are squeezed in between da rocking chair anna bookcase, he is addressing her butt.
And Maman, who is getting dizzy, says, "Whut?"
And Dadda says, "You gotta shift ober toda left so I can ged in there."
And he's pushing the carrier forwards, inna gen'ral direkkshun ob Cokie's rear-sekshun, which is sorta poking out between Maman's legs unner'neaf ob her long skirt.
Did I menshun dat dere is not a lotta light back in dat corner where they are?
So ennyways, da Cokie-Cat is going on wif his Anxiety-Wail.
And Dadda is wike, "Dear,"
And Maman, who is pracktikly almost upside down, but still hanging on toda Cat byda shoulders is wike, "Brian, whut are you doing?"
And Dadda is pushing da cat-carrier forwards towards da Cokie-butt.
And Maman is wike, "You can't load him in rear-first!"
And Dadda is wike, "Sure we can. Step toda left-hand down a bit, love."
So Maman moves ober, and Dadda gets a grip onna Cat and starts stuffing him backwards innu da carrier.
And Maman is wike, "You know, we could just pik him up and load him innu da top wike a sak ob potatoes."
And Dadda is wike, "No, dis will werk."
And da whole time, Cokie is wailin', "Nooooooooooooo!" while he's being steadily pulled back innu da carrier against his will.
"He's diggin' in." Maman says. And she leans ober to start piking at his paws wun'atta'time, but as soon as she gets one paw free, da udder paw digs right in.
And Dadda's still pulling Cokie innu da carrier, hand ober hand. And onna udder side obba door, Da Dawg is still Yipping Away and now he's started Scratching atta door.
So Maman yells, "Stop it, Marc!"
And Marc stops Yipping and switches over to outright Barking, just in case no one has heard him previously.
And Missy and I are still up onna Foo-ton, outta da way.
So just den, Dadda reaches ober da carrier, grabs bof ob Cokie's paws. And there's a last, pitiful "NOOooooo!" wail, anna door onna carrier clangs shut.
"We did it." Says Dadda.
So he bends down and piks uppa carrier ("He's too hebby to use da handle." Dadda says. "It'll break right off.") and Maman gets da Door Opin.
And in tumbles Da Dawg, but it's Too Late. Da Herding is Ober.
So Dadda carries Cokie-Inna-Carrier Downnastairs and Outta Frunt Door.
And Missy and I hear Maman say toda Dawg, "You wanna Go For A Ride Inna Car?"
And ob course Da Dawg is Stoopit, and ob course, he is Oberjoyed to Go For A Ride Inna Car! He ebben goes and gets his own Leash.
You just can't quite put a price on dat kinda Stoopitity.
So now Cokie-da-Fat-Cat and Marc-da-Border-Collie-Dawg are Gone, bof obb'em off toda Spa, and Maman is onna Phone again.
She is saying somefing about "Habbin' Foxie's stitches taken out on Saturday and would there be additional appointments open for Two Well-Bunny Check-ups? Dat would be for Mr Mouse and..."
Oh NO! You goddabe kiddin'me!