Now Playing: Hoomins Shuldn't Do Dis Stuff
Topic: Lagomorphin Enterprises
Da trubble heer issat most hoomins don't know Our Maman, anna wuns dat do know her, most ob dem don't know her as ennyfing 'cept Dadda's bondmate and Our Maman. Only a few udder hoomins axtchually know her and da few who do, shuld know bedda, but dey don't - which ends up messing us up - which issa main Trubble heer, you know?
In Fakt, oncest upon a time, upon hearing Maman talking berry serriusly aboudda Buk she was reading onna "Impact ob Epidemic Disease on His'try", wun persun turned to Dadda and sed, "Whut does she care aboud Dat Junk for?"
Which made Maman mad onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman has spent a whole'lotta her life in "skool" learning da difference b'tween "Real His'try" (which takes werk) and "Junk His'try" (which "ebberywun knows") onna'count obba Fakt dat she finds "Real His'try" a whole lot more innerestin' than trying out new brands ob laundry detergent or reading inna cheep (cos you use'em to line da bottom ob birdies' aviaries wiff'em) noospapers aboudda Desparate Houzvibes running wild through da Neighbourhood.
So whin a few ob Maman's friends called her up to 'Lert her to sumfing dey thought wuld send her "Climbin' Uppy Walls" again, they were Right!
Which issa main Trubble dat we are habbin'.
Wun fing Maman hates is whut is called "Junk His'try" which is simmylar to "Junk Science" but not as pop'lar. Junk His'try is ushually found onna TeeVee, and in Buks written by sum guy named Dan Brown and in Moobies made by sum guy named Michael Moore who only lets himself talk.
I don't go to moobies, so I dunno, and I don't bodder aboud pollyticks if I can help it.
I do digest buks, but Maman threw dat Brown guy's buk inna recycle bin bifore I got to it. She sed, "Dust to dust." whin she did it, and then came by Our Habbytats and sed datta pooties were bedda forda roses than a ton ob dat (and nice, 'tellygint bunnies don't use da werd dat follows nextest!).
So, ennyways, Our Friend, Auntie Irene called up and sed to Maman, "Hold on to your knickers."
And Sheeba's Fader, who is Our Unkul Peter called up and sed, "Whutcha'fink?"
And dat preddy much did it.
Maman went and wooked inna Noo Yawk Times Noospaper wif me and we found a hedline dat sed, "“The Lost Tomb of Jesus” on the Discovery Channel tomorrow."
And whut dis was aboud is 'sposedly sum holes inna ground inna far-away place where there are bones, and sum guy who has filmed a sunk ship is saying dat he has discubbered God Downna Hole. And he has DNA and ebberyfing to Proob it!
And Maman was wike, "He's recovered 2,000 year-old DNA that he can compare to whut? With 100% accuracy? One hundred per-cent of what?"
And I sed, "I dunno. But he's a'hunnert p'cent shure he's gonna be on teevee."
And Maman sed, "He's 100% of an idiot. I hate Junk His'try! He's got sum boxes ob bones frumma Furst Century dat were dug up and discussed twenty years ago. And he calls dis 'New'?"
And Auntie Irene sed, "I fink it's funny."
And Maman sed, "Dere is nuffin' funny aboud hoomins spreadin' lies udder hoomins mite beleeb."
And Auntie Irene sed dat was sumBun else's karmas.
And Maman sed it didn't madder onna'count obba Fakt datta Emperor still had no clothes on and sumBun hadda point dat out.
Well, so Maman readed more obba story fing to me and den she started grabbin Buks off her shelves heer inna Study. And preddy soon, she had Two Quotes anna coupla biblee-O-graphies wike dis:
>>>"Simcha has no credibility whatsoever. He's pimping off the Bible... He got this guy, Cameron, who made 'Titanic' or something like that—what does this guy know about archeology? I am an archaeologist, but if I were to write a book about brain surgery, you would say, 'Who is this guy?' People want signs and wonders. Projects like these make a mockery of the archaeological profession."<<< - Joe E. Zias, archeologist, Smithsonian Institution, advanced training for the study of Paleopathology; Hadassah (Israel) Medical School, post-MA studies in the field of physical anthropology; Master of Arts degree in Anthropology, Wayne State University, Michigan; Bachelor of Arts degree, Wayne State University, Michigan.
>>> "I've known about these ossuaries for many years and so have many other archaeologists, and none of us thought it was much of a story, because these are rather common Jewish names from that period. It's a publicity stunt, and it will make these guys very rich, and it will upset millions of innocent people because they don't know enough to separate fact from fiction." <<< - William G. Dever, American archaeologist specialising in the history of Israel and the Near East in Biblical times; Professor of Near Eastern Archaeology and Anthropology at the University of Arizona in Tucson, Arizona, 1975 to 2002; Director of the Harvard Semitic Museum-Hebrew Union College Excavations at Gezer from 1966-71, 1984 and 1990; Director of the dig at Khirbet el-Kôm and Jebel Qacaqir (West Bank) from 1967-71; Principal Investigator at Tell el-Hayyat excavations (Jordan) 1981-85, and Assistant Director, University of Arizona Expedition to Idalion, Cyprus, 1991, among other excavations; 1955 graduate of Milligan College; Ph.D., Harvard University, 1966.
And she gots buks from dis Dever guy: Echoes of Many Texts: Reflections on Jewish and Christian Texts. Essays in Honor of Lou H. Silberman (co-editor, with J.E. Wright). Atlanta: Scholars Press, 1997.
For Those Who Sleep in the Dust: Archaeology and the Real World of Ancient Israel. American Schools of Oriental Research, 1997
So Maman says to me, "Wookit, George BunnyRabbit, dis is whut I read, hokay?"
And I'm wike, "Uh huh. Yout got enny ob dose Baby Organic Carrots? I notised dere were none inna salads last nite."
And Maman wooked at me fora minit and she's wike, "Huh?"
And I'm wike, "Lookit, dere were no Baby Organic Carrots last nite. Are you runnin' out or sumfing?"
And I waved my ears around onna'count obba Fakt dat she finks dat is "Cute".
It issa Prooben Fakt dat you ged more treats when you are "Cute".
And Maman sed, "You know, George, I fink you shuld habba bite ob cookie."
And I'm finking, "Well, dat's hokay, too."
So we wint Downnastairs anna tellyphone rang and it was Auntie Irene again, and she was reading Maman sumfing she found inna cheep noospaper aboudda Lost Tomb and more Junk His'try. And Maman readed her whut she had found frum those two perfessers and Maman and Auntie Irene hadda'nudder Long Talk - AGAIN!
With me anna rest ob Alla Us Togedder waiting there for dat bite ob cookie.
So Maman hangs uppa tellyphone and wooks at me, and I wave my ears inna Hopeful Wike Manner, trying once more wiffa "Cute" fing.
And Maman goes toda 'Frigerator and takes outta bag, pulls offa clip, pours sumfing out innu her hand and shubs it unner'neaf ob my nose.
And she says, "Would George wike sum Raw Organic Unsalted Sunflower Kernals?"
And I'm wookin' at dees fings in her hand wike, "Whutdaheck? I thought you sed dere was gonna be cookies!"
But apparently, there wassn't onna'count obba Fakt dat Junk His'try had driven enny thoughts ob cookies or Baby Organic Carrots rite outta her hed!
So heer we are, stuck wif Raw Organic Unsalted Sunflower Kernals.
Dere shuld be sum kinda law against dis stuff, lemme tell you!
------------------------------ By George