George's Eleventh Strand; Day Number ONE
Now Playing: HOPPY BIRFDAY Dadda!

Hokay. Seeda header? Tiday is Our Dadda's Birfday! Yeah! Hooray! So Hoppy Birfday to Dadda!

 Yeah, and just to sellybrate, we heer at Our Warren hadda habba "Incydint" (as Maman calls it).

Sure. You know us!

So Maman and Dadda was outta milk dis morning, which was bad cos Dadda hates dat powdered stuff in his tea and Maman isn't too pleased wiffit in her coffee, eidder.

So Dadda dragged on his jeens and put on his Harewear tee-shirt (http://harewear.tripod.com) and went toda store uppa road while Maman made tea and poured coffee.

So while she was waitin' for Dadda to ged back, Maman letta Dawg outta Back Door Innu Da Gardin and sed,

 "Morning, Bunnies!" to us.

And she gibbed ebberybun a coupla Tiny Peeled Baby Organic Carrots for brekky.

And Mr Mouse was 'nnoyed onna'count obba Fakt dat he didn't get his Tiny Peeled Baby Organic Carrots furst. Dis is cos Maman gibbed Beebe-Bunny!! da furst helping of Tiny Peeled Baby Organic Carrots onna'count obba Fakt dat he is Old anna Senior Bun, and Not Feeling Well Onna'count Obba Fakt dat he has pseudo-sumfings up his nose... 

So Mouse was alreddy inna Bad Mood and fings hadn't ebben got offa ground, yet.

And so, Maman goes on her feckless way, Uppastairs and opins da door and lets outta Catz frumma Office (which is also her Study). And Dadda comes back and Maman lets inna Dawg frumma Gardin where he's had his Morning Patrol (he says datta birdies are flocking up and mobbin' on).

And Dadda has brought doughnuts for Maman.

Now doughnuts are innerestin' inna wotta ways. Furst off, they smell good. Second off, Maman shares. Third off, she ushually doesn't share wiffa Catz onna count obba Fakt datshe says "alla dat shugar issn't good fora 40-pound Maine Coon kitty onna Diet."

And dis makes Cokie-da-Fat-Cat 'nnoyed, cos he doesn't ged enny while we ushally do.

Well, dis morning, we didn't ged enny doughnuts and nedder didda Cat. 

So bemember, Mouse is 'nnoyed and now Cokie-Cat is 'nnoyed.

And heer comes da Dawg, who is gen'rally happy. And nuffin makes a 'nnoyed critter more 'nnoyed denna gen'rally happy, bouncy, sloppy, hi-glad-to-see-you-slobber-on-your-hed kind ob udder critter.

Can you smell da disaster?

So ennyways, Maman and Dadda each habba doughnut, and Maman gibs Da Dawg a Milk-Bone Dawg Biscuit for brekky, and dey all go Uppystairs. And I heer Dadda gib kibble toda Catz...

And nobun is geddin' enny doughnuts, you'll notice... 

And den, for sum reason, Cokie anna Dawg come Downnastairs - and Da Dawg starts snarffling up alla Rabbit Chow Green Bag pellets dat MissyBun has dumped outta da habbytat obernite (Maman allus gibs us sum in case we gedda case obba munchies late inna evenin'. Udderwise, she ways, *I* wake hoomins up by *thumpin'*. But it's not *me* who *thumps*! Dat wuld be Missy, but Maman finks it's me, when it's not!  *I* only *thump* when there's sumfing dang'rus inna Gardin outside. *I* do not *thump* onna' count obba Empty Pellet Dish!)

So ennyways, Da Dawg is snuffling along da floor, and Mouse is alreddy 'nnoyed and all, so he calls ober toda Cokie-Cat,

"Hey, Cat!"

And Cokie is standing dere wike, "Whut? You call me, Bunnyrabbit?"

And Mouse is wike, "Yeah. Come on ober heer and seeda hay onna floor unner my habbytat."

So Cokie sort ob wanders ober, anna Dawg shuffles along, nose-toda-floor, and now, Mouse is reely 'nnoyed. So he lines up to pee onna Dawg, and don't you know, da Dawg moobs, anna Cokie-Cat moobs anna Cokie-Cat geds pee'd on!

Well, dat sort ob does it, so to speak.

Cokie stares at Mouse fora sekond and den he says a Rilly Bad Werd!

And den da Cat turns around, flips his tail, and goes shamblin' reely fast outta da Bun Room, fru da Kitchin anna alla way Uppastairs where I hear him start to complain loudly to Dadda!

Anna Dawg is wike, "Ooops. Well, um, see ya, Bunnies!" And off he goes Uppystairs, too. 

So I kin hear da Cokie-Cat and he's complainin' Royal, as Dadda says. And Dadda's wike,

"Wookit, Cat, I dunno whut your problem is, but you got food, so shaddup."

And Maman is wike, "Whutsamatta wiffa Cat?"

And Dadda is wike, "I dunno butif he doesn't shut up, he's going to become extremely unpopular - as unpopular assa rattlesnake inna skippin' rope faktory."

And Maman waffs. Listenin' to Dadda ushually makes Maman waff, which is good in sum ways, but it can be bad in udders onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman can sometimes getta case obba giggles atta wrong time, inna wrong place, she says. 

And dis wassa wrong time, becos Cokie kept on complainin'.

So finally I heered Maman call him ober to her, and just wike I figgered wuld happin, she suddinly squeeks,

"EWWWWW! Brian! No wonder Cokie's complaining! Sumbunny peed onna poor Cat's hed!"

And heer inna Bun Room Mr Mouse goes, "Heh!"

And den heer comes Dadda pounding Downnastairs, and he's got Cokie ober his shoulder and he's sayin' to him, "Don't be a prat all your life, Cocoa," (which is Cokie's Real Name) "We're just going to wash your hed..."

And Cokie is wailin' like, "Whaaaaaaaa! Whut did *I* do?!?!"

And, ob course, Maman is fluttering afta dem wike sum kinda bird-inna-bafrobe. 

So we got treated to watchin' Maman and Dadda wash, towel-dry and brush da Cat-hed, while da Dawg hadda ged exiled toda Back Gardin, onna'count obba Fakt Dadda sed to him, "Comon, you're goin' outside becos you're just enjoyin' dis too much."

Anna Dawg found himself out inna Gardin goin' "Whuttaheck? Why am I out heer again?" 

And as Dadda came past he stopped inna Bun Room and axt us, "And whut are You Buggers wookin' at?"

And we buggers didn't say a werd... cos it's Dadda's Birfday tiday, afta all...

---------------------- By George 

 

George's Tenth Strand, Day Number 30
Now Playing: Got Sum Lub To Share? Adopt!

I can't beleeb it's Oktober!

It's cold outside when Maman opins da door toda Back Gardin to let Da Dawg inanout. I mean, you shuld just hear MissyBun complain aboudda draft! It's enuf to make you wanna leeb home, unwess Home wassn't warm, comfortyble, dry and fulla Hay. Dere are sum fings it's just Dumb to leeb and Home is wunna dem.

Which brings me toda Point ob Tiday's Blog.

Yousee, Alla Us Togedder, heer at Our Warren are house-bunnies, which means bunnies dat lib inside obba houzes just wike catz and dawgs!

Dat's rite.

We lib indoors wif our hoomins!

We do not lib outdoors!

And ebberybunny heer is adopted! And not only da Bunnies was each adopted, but also bof obba Catz, anna Dawg. Being adopted means dat none ob us had homes bifore, and dat Maman and Dadda invited us to share their home!

Now, udder hoomins can adopt Companion Animals, too!

Dat's rite!

Hoomins wif pet-less homes can now hab pets! Yes! They can axtchually share dere homes wif Companion Animals dat hab somehow managed, fru no fault ob dere own, to lose dere homes! 

Dere are Bunnies, and Kitties, and Dawgs and ebben Birdies - all waiting in Shelters ebberywheres for good hoomins to adopt dem, just wike Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren.

Now, a Bunny might not be da Right Companion Animal for just enny hoomin. Mebbe a Cat might be bedder for dem. Or mebbe dey are a Dawg-kinda person. But da Fakt obba madder is dis: dere are Companion Animals out dere in Shelters, right now, who are reddy and waiting to come and help share dere Life wiffa Good Hoomin who needs dem! 

Now, you kin see frumma fings dat I type heer inna Blog dat Maman needs alla help she can get. So does Dadda. Mebbe you are a widdle wike dem - a widdle bit overwhelmed by habbin to lib ebberyday inna confoozlin' werld.

Well, Companion Animals can help you wif dat!  Yes we can!

We unnerstand whut hoomins do not; we know aboud how it Takes A Warren to make a Werld, and how to Allus Okyoupye Da Highest Ground when fings get diffycult; and we know how to Hab Sum Hay and Habba Nap and how to Share dose fings we hab been gibbin.

Yeah!

We Companion Animals can add a wot to Life!

So if you habba place in your heart, anna home dat is empty, well, den, you shuld seriously consider adopting a Companion Animal. 

Gib a dawg or a kitty or a bunny a second chance! Visit your local shelter! Fill out anna Adoption Form - Remember to Spay or Neuter your Companion Animal!

And All Bunnies Live INDOORS!

I fink dat about cobbers it.

Becos you know, I arribed atta v-e-t's office inna cardboard box. Dat's rite, just me-inna-box. I was bought assa toy for Easter and three weeks later, da stoopit hoomins figgered out dat I wasn't a toy at all - I wassa reel, libe bunnyrabbit - and den dose hoomins didn't want me ennymore! So they put me inna box, closed uppa top and left me atta v-e-t's,  onna floor, OnAlone.

Dat shuldn't happen to ennybunny. Never.

And some poor bunnies don't ebben get DAT!

So, fink aboud it.

Gotta place in your heart dat needs to be filled wif lub? Gotta little lub to share?

Dere's a Companion Animal waiting for you, sitting inna Shelter, OnAlone but fulla Hope. 

-------- By George 

 

George's Eigth Strand: Day Number 28
Now Playing: Wook Out!

And...

We're Off!

 And runnin'.

Wook out!

Hooboy. Around heer, you nebber know. You just don't.

So tidday, Maman comes Downnastairs frum reading alla Noospapers online, railin' about how she's gonna be as Un-PC as possybul frum now on until forebber, and how she is nebber, ebber gonna go back innu teaching kidlets about Musics, no how, no way, nomadder whut.

Den she gets sum more coffee and goes back Uppastairs toda Study to werk on wunna her children's Buks dat teaches dem alla'bout Musics.

If you wook rilly, rilly closely you will find sum kinda logic in dis, but I am not sure how much. Dis is onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman swears dat she issa berry Logical Person, and we hab to take her werd on dat. 

Soda Nite Bifore Wast Nite, Maman and Dadda was up Late, sittin' inna Dining Room talkin' to each udder. Anna Catz were slinking around, complaining aboudda Fakt dat dere dinner was late, anna Dawg was trailing afta them, sorta droning on about, "No Catz Inna Bun Room!" just in case they strayed our way.

And finally, aboud midnite, Dadda says, "Let's go feed da Bunnies, dear."

And they get up and make salads, and refill crocks and alla dat stuff.

And ob course, da Catz anna Dawg are unner'neaf dere feets, so Maman says to Da Dawg, "Go outside and count your squirrels."

Well, ob course alla squirrels are in dere beds asleep, but Da Dawg is stoopit dat way and he gets all jazzed up and goes flyin' outta door innu da Back Gardin, grumblin' and woofin' like he does inna morning when the squirrels rilly are awake, frowing nuts and makin' fun ob him frumma trees.

And preddy soon he comes back and says to nobun in particular, "Guess whut, BunnyRabbits? Dadda lefta Tracktor out inna Back Gardin!"

And MissyBun is wike, "So are you gonna tell him?" And goes back to munching onna salad, becos she rilly doesn't care aboudda Tractor wun way or da udder.

Butta Dawg hates da Tracktor. He can't stand being inna same yard wiffit. He feels dat he hasta lunge attit, and bark and bite da tires anna'tack it, which tends to upset Dadda who lubs dat Tracktor wike a child. He ebben bought a widdle Tracktor Houz for it to lib in, and den anudder widdle Houz for all its stuff to lib in, and he just lubs da Tracktor to bits. Butta Dawg hates it and hasta come in frumma Back Gardin whenebber Dadda takes da Tracktor outta its Tracktor Houz to do enny jobs around da Back Gardin.

And Dadda nebber leebs da Tracktor out inna Nite, da same way he wuld nebber leeb enny ob Us out inna nite.

But, dere it was, da Dawg sed, out inna Nite, only it was being Quiet About it, so it seemed wike Maman and ebben Dadda, who lubbed it, had fortygotten it.

So I sed, "Dat's a shame."

And Mr Mouse sorta chortled.

Just den Maman and Dadda came back innu da Bun Room again, and Beebe wooked up frum groomin' his Stuffie, and called out, "YO! Dadda! Your Tracktor is outside inna Nite!" 

But ob course Dadda was talkin' to Maman about going out to ged us sum hay and didn't hear Beebe.

So Dadda walks outta Back Door Innu Da Gardin and comes to a stop and Maman walks right innu him, and she goes, "Whut?"

And Dadda says, "I left da Tracktor outside."

And Maman wooks up innu da sky, notices it's mainly Dark and says to Dadda, "Well, I can help you pushit innu it's houz."

So dey go outta da door, innu da Nite.

Only, just bifore da door shuts, Maman calls da Dawg.

And Dadda says, "Whut didyadodat for?"

And Maman says, "He can help."

Well, you nebber, ebber tell a Border Collie Dawg dat he can "help". Does dawgs just lib to help. Dat's all dey want to do is help. Ebben when dey habben't da fainest idea ob How dey are gonna do it, dey just ged Right Inna Middle Ob Fings and Help dere hardest. I'm tellling you, if Disaster came along and axted for Help, Border Collies would be Right Dere, willing and able.

So dere's da Free obb'em inna Back Gardin, inna middle obba Nite, and becos Maman and Dadda are just standing ober da Tracktor, sorta staring att'it, we hear da Dawg call out, "Hey wook at dis! I found my ball!"

Just aboud den, Cokie-da-Fat-Cat comes waddlin' down frum Uppastairs, habbin just had his dinner, and he plumps himself down onna Bun Room Floor and says, "So whut kinda screw-up is happenin' now?"

So I told him and he sorta chuckled and began to clean his paws. "Oh dis is gonna be good!" He sed and he settled down to wook atta door wif inner-rest.

So frum Out-Inna-Gardin, we hear Dadda say, "Well, if we bof push it, it should go right in."

And den we hear Maman go, "Shhh! Don't talk so loud! Alla neighbours will be asleep. Whisper."

And Dadda goes, "I am whisperin!"

And Maman goes, "Well whisper quieter."

And we hear Dadda sigh, and den we hear Maman sort ob shufflin' around, and Dadda goes, "Whut's da matter now?"

And Maman kinda squeaks, "Don't start it!"

And Dadda says, rilly patiently, "I'm not startin' it! I'm only trying to see if I can turn onna lights so we can see where we're going!"

And Maman squeaks again, wike she does whin she's geddin' ready to panic, "Don't touch it!"

And Dadda's wike, "Charlotte, will you please calm down? I'm not going to start the Tracktor inna middle obba Nite!"

And Maman's voice goes back to Normal and we hear her say, "Good."

And we hear Dadda sorta mumble, "I'm not that stoopit."

And we hear Maman sorta mumble, "Just checking."

 Den dere was kinda a "oomph" sound.

And we heard Dadda say, "Whut are you trying to do?"

And Maman sed, "Push."

And den dere was quiet for a sekond and we herd Dadda say, "Um, not wike dat. Gotta take da Brake off."

And den Maman squeaks again, "Don't start it!"

And den we heard Dadda say, "I'm not startin' it!"

And dey are kinda screamin' at each udder by whisperin', which makes dem sound kinda wike dey are strangling. And Missy starts chuckling, which makes our habbytat sorta start bouncing up-and-down.

So den we hear Dadda say, "Bugger off, Dawg." and we know datta Dawg is now gettin' unner foots. Den Maman says, "Marc, go sit down!" So we know dat he's not listenin', eidder.

Anna Cokie-cat chortles and says to us: "Bedder and Bedder. Glad I came down."

And den we hear Maman say to Dadda, "So it's just push it innu it's Houz, right?"

And Dadda says, "Dat would be it, 'cept for a hump."

And Maman says, "Hump?"

And Dadda says, "Step, rilly. Door sill. Up and over."

And he adds, "Onna count ob Three...Wun...Two...Free!"

And dere issa sound ob rollin', anna Dawg barks, "Wook Out!"

And Dadda shouts, kinda muffled wike, "Shut up!"

And den we hear, also kinda muffled-wike, Maman's voice: "Do we stop pushing or does it just go through the back wall?"

At which point dere issa almighty Bang! And Dadda calls out, "Stop pushin'!" anna Dawg barks, "Wook Out!" again.

And den we hear nuffin' for aboud ten sekonds, 'cept da sound ob Maman and Dadda breathing.

Den Da Dawg pipes up, "Wanna play ball?"

And we hear Dadda say, "Bugger off, Dawg." and ob course Maman hasta 'splain to him, "You can't ebben see your ball inna Dark!" anna Dawg calls back, all sulky-wike, "Course I can! I'm a dawg."

And den we hear da Hay Bin opin and Maman and Dadda are rustlin' around innit.

And den Dadda opins da Door, and dere's Cokie-da-Fat-Cat, starin' up att'im.

And Dadda says, "Whut are you wookin' at, Cat?"

Anna Fat-Cat gets his paw unner-neaf ob him and scurries outta da way as Dadda comes stompin inna door wiffa arm-load ob hay. And Outside, Inna Back Gardin, we can hear Da Dawg scramblin' affta his ball, shoutin' joyously, "Gedda ball! Gedda ball! Gedda ball!"

And Maman says to him, "Wast time, Marc. Wast time!" inna loud whisper, and we hear da sound obba ball whoosin' fru da Nite air and thuddin' onna grass, and den da sound obba Dawg scramblin' afta it, goin', "Gedda ball! Gedda ball! Gotta gedda ball!"

And den Maman anna Dawg come innu da Houz, wiffa Dawg bringin' his ball in wif him, becos dat's his job.

Den a widdle water, whenna Catz is back Uppystairs where dey belong, anna Dawg has put his ball away in his Toy-Baskit, and we hab got our Hay and our pellets and our fresh wadder and eaten our Salads and Treats, and Maman and Dadda hab turned offa BunLight and said, "nite Bunnies!"

We hear Maman say to Dadda, "Well, dat was inner'restin'."

And we heared Dadda say to Maman frumma bedroom, "And it's ober."

And Maman sed, "Where's da Dawg? Hab you seed him?"

And Dadda sed, "He's trying to help me take off my shoes. Damnnit, Dawg, will you ged oud'd'da way!"

And frumma bedroom, heer comes da Dawg, scrurrying, calling, "Wook out!" 

----------------------- By George 

George's Eigth Strand: Day Number 20

Y'know, we heer at Our Warren can ged innu more stuff by just sitting around Doing Nuffin, still den most bunnies can ged innu by moving along at High Speeds.

So Maman had given us dose phone buks dat I typed about inna last Blog, and dat wassa'nudder ob dose Unique Disasters Inna Annuals Ob Maman, Queen ob Chaos.

Dis time da Disaster was mostly Fanks to Mr Mouse. Dis is onna'count obba Fakt dat none obba rest ob us bunnies rilly cared forda phone buks or found dem at all inner-restin cept for Mouse, but he gotta whole hang outta whut Maman calls "Makin' Confetti" right off and soon was tail deep inna'stuff. I meen dat his whole Habbytat was just  cubbered  wiffa stuf - widdle, tiny bits ob Mouse-chewed phone buk. It was 'mazin' alla werk dat bunny had put innu it!

And dis wuld all hab bin cute and hokay by Maman if he had kept it in his habbytat, except dat Mouse wikes to share. And so he spent a wotta time kicking da Confetti all ober da BunRoom Floor, where it was picked up by Dawg innocently wandering feets, and no-so-innocently wandering Catz and dere tails. 

Beep-da-Udder-Cat took a reel fondness toda Confetti and dragged bits obbit wif her All Ober da Houz. 

So when it showed up inna Lounge where ebben Bunnies don't go, Maman threw a fit.

And heer she comes innu da BunRoom wiffa full hed ob steam on, and stands ober Mouse and she says,

"Wookit, Mouse. In da werds ob Belinda Bunny, "I can't be havin' wif dis" and whut I can't be havin' with is this Mess you're causing all over this houz. Dere is Confetti inna Dining Room, and inna Sitting Room, and I ebben hab bin pickin' it outta da laundry baskit. Now I don't mind you habbin' had fun wiffa phone buk, but dis Confetti ob yours has got to Go." 

So Mouse grunted at her and went to sit in his corner pootie-box to sulk. And, so, Maman went off Uppastairs to call Dadda, cos Maman isn't stoopit and she's not aboud to try and clean up da whole fing ob Mouse's Habbytat wif him innit on her own, wiffout habbin' Dadda dere who Mouse Respekts.

So just afta Maman swept out, heer comes da Dawg, followed by Beep (who owns da Dawg) wif Cokie-da-Fat-Cat stumpin' along inna aggrivated-sorta way behind.

Anna Dawg says to us, "Hey BunnyRabbits, whut's up? You got  enny food becos I am outta kibble and I am hungree."

And he begins snufflilng ober da floor, wooking for stuff.

And Beep sits down unner'neaf ob MissyBun and me, cos she knows dat dis irrytates da pooties outta Missy, who hates catz, but becos she is unnerneaf ob us, Missy can't do a  fing aboud'dit. 

Catz just lub to be irrytatin'. They don't ebben hab to fink aboud doing it; it just comes to dem to do it nat'churally, assa ebberyday fing.

Anna Dawg wooks at Beep, kinda startled, wike he has suddinly been smacked inna hed wiffa Thot, and he says to Beep, "Hey! You know da Rool! No Catz Inna Bun Room!"

And Beep wooks at him, and bwinks her eye-lids and says inna bored voice, "Whutebber."  

And meanwhile, Cokie-Cat goes to lie down by Mouse.

So Beebe-Bunny!! who libs acrosst da way frum Mouse, calls ober to Mouse and says, "YO! Mouse! You gots catz!" and he says it wike habbin' "catz" is sum kinda Social Disease or sumfing (which it is), and starts moobing his Belubbed Suffie to da back obba Habbytat, away frum any stray Cat-cooties dat might be flying fru da air.

Now ob course, since Beebe's Belubbed Stuffie rilly is a plush, stuffie toy-bunny, Beebe hasta sort ob gently nudge her wif his nose to ged her to moob ennywheres, BUT onna'count obba Fakt dat Beebe doesn't realise dat his Belubbed Stuffie rilly issa plush, stuffie toy-bunny, and finks dat it issa a reel bunnyrabbit dat has come to lib wif him since CloverBun, his wife-bun, left forda Rainbow Bridge, Beeb has kinda gone a widdle OverBoard, and finks dat he hasta talk to his Belubbed Stuffie wif widdle grunts and honks wike it is a rilly elderly, deaf bunny. 

So Beebe is dere in his habbytat, honkin' and gruntin' away to his Belubbed Stuffie and warning it aboudda Cat-cooties dat he is sure, in his addled widdle bunny-brain, are streaming offa Cokie-cat who is unnerneaf ob Mouse's Habbytat. 

Anna Dawg is by us, sorta starin' in perplexity at Beep, who is unnerneaf ob Our Habbytat, not moobin', and violatin' da No Catz Inna BunRoom! Rool.

And den, ob course, dere is Cokie (who issa 40Lb. Maine Coon which is wun Rilly Big Fat Cat) who us unnerneaf ob Mouse's habbytat, and Mouse is alreaddy inna Bad Mood onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman has just told him dat she's gonna Clean Out Alla Confetti dat he's werked so hard to make outta his phone buk.

Just so you hab a clear pikchur ob how fings are at just dat sekond.

Soda Dawg begins to frown, cos heer's Beep, violating a Rool and she doesn't care. And he's habbin' a Hard Time puzzling dis out, cos dis Dawg puzzles easy, lemme tell you.

And just aboud den, Mouse peers ober da side ob his habbytat and sees Cokie-da-Fat-Cat down below and he shouts out, "Hey Cat! Ged out!"

And Cokie wooks up, flips his tail (which is an insult in "cat") and says, "Yeah. Right."

And I'm wike, "Why are you Catz in such a bad mood?"

Anna Dawg says, "Dadda sed dere issa Werld Wide Shortage Ob Cat Kibble. And dere Bowl is empty. Dey down to habbin Wun Meal a Day at Nite frumma can!" And den he wooks around proudly and says, "But dere is Dawg Kibble - cos I hab just et it - and dere is Bunny Pellets cos I hab just eated all dem what was onna floor. Maman says I amma Reg'lar Vacuum Cleaner On Legs! But dere is NO Cat Kibble inna Whole Wide Werld becos dere issa Werld Wide Shortage ob Cat Kibble." 

And MissyBun stawts laffin'.  

Becos,

Furst ob All she hates Catz, onna'count obba Fakt dat some mean catz had teased her whin she wassa widdle babby, before Unkle Michael in Noo Yawk rescued her, and

Sekond ob All becos Cokie had made fun ob her a widdle while ago by telling her dat dere wassa Werld Wide Shortage Ob Bunny Pellets and dat we would hab to eat Hay for days and days.

And just about dat sekond, Mouse got 'nnoyed becos Cokie wasn't moobing frum unnerneaf ob his Habbytat wike he'd been told.

So Mouse peed on sum ob his Confetti dat he had made frumma Phon buk and kicked it ober da side obba Habbytat and da Confetti showered down onna Cokie-Cat. 

And Cokie-Cat yells, "Ewwww! Rabbit-Cooties!" and bounces up inna air and takes off outta BunRom Door as fast as his feets can carry him.

And becos da Dawg is stoopit, he runs afta Cokie woffin, "No Catz Inna Bun Room! No Catz Inna Bun Room!" wike he'd been da one who was enforcing da Rool, and not Mr Mouse wif his smelly Confetti.

So now they are atta doorway toda BunRoom and Cokie turned himself around and is he ebber 'nnoyed. Cos now he wants innu da BunRoom to yell at Mouse and heers a Border Collie, clogging uppa doorway. So Cokie toda Dawg,

"Moob aside, Dawg! I'm comin' back in cos I wanna werd wif dat Mouse!"

Anna Dawg is standing atta BunRoom door, blockin' uppa whole fing, and he says toda Cokie-Cat, "No Catz Inna Bun Room! You know da Rool: No Catz Inna Bun Room! No Catz Inna Bun Room!"

Anna Cokie-Cat, who has bits ob wet Contetti stickin' toda top ob his hed, wooks atta Dawg and says inna rilly, lebbel, ebben voice, "Dawg. Ged. Outta. My. Way."

Anna Dawg wooks puzzled fora momint, and den alla suddin, sumfing wike a grenade goes off inside ob his Border Collie Hed, and he gibs out dis giant, fur-flattening "WOOF!", right inna Cokie-Cat's face.

Anna Cat just stands dere. And you can kinda wike see da whole  Anger fing just growing bigger and bigger behind his eyes, sorta inflatin' wike a wadder balloon fulla acid. And den it pops.

Anna Cokie-Cat does no more den reach back wif wunna his big frunt paws, balled up wif alla claws tucked up inside obbit, and WHAM! he punches da Dawg right onna nose. 

Anna Dawg, who issa rilly justa Big Baby (as Maman says) lets out dis involuntary yelp! and goes off wooking for Maman so fast dat he geds paw-spin onna Bun Room floor.

So, suddinly, BOF Catz anna Dawg are now runnin' at High Speeds outta da BunRoom, and all Three obb'em are screamin' dere heds off for Maman.

And Maman is comin' Downnastairs frumma Office, ennyways, so she gets mobbed inna Dining Room wif all Three obba two Catz anna Dawg, all yellin' datta Udder Wun started It.

So Maman finds a chair, and checks ober da Dawg to see if dere is enny damage toda Dawg-nose dat she shuld talk toda V-E-T aboud, but dere issn't, onna'count obba Fakt dat Cokie had tucked up his claws and only nailed da Dawg inna nose wif his paw. So Maman puts da Dawg Outside inna Back Gardin in order to distract his 'tenshin frum worryin' aboudda State ob His Nose (and since his batteries was kinda low ennyways afta habbin' used uppa'wotta wattage wif dat "woof", distractin' him wasn't hard. It just took a few squirrels.).

And den she checks ober da Cokie Cat and saw dat dere was nuffin da matter wif him dat she needed to talk ober wiffa V-E-T. And she piked da bits ob Confetti offa top ob his hed and told him dat he hadda "Stop 'nnoyin' Mr Mouse. It isn't nice."

And den she commed innu da BunRoom and stands ober Mouse, and she wooks down at him and says, "And as pertains to you, Mister..." 

And Mouse wooks up at her and glares, cos he was, wike, still totally 'nnoyed ober just aboud ebberyfing dat had been going on.

And Maman continued, "And as pertains to you, Mister Mouse, you are habbin' your habbytat cleaned out as soon as your Dadda comes home. Because in the immortal werds ob Belinda Bunny, I can't be habbin wif dis!"

 ---------- By George

 

George's Ninth Strand: Day Number 9
Now Playing: Phone Buks?

 

Maman gabe us phone buks.

I'm not sure why, but I can tell you dis: Dere is no pleasing hoomins. ou can try all you wike, but no madder how hard you try, you can't please dem. Dey will allus find sumfing to complain aboud.

And dey talk aboud bunnies being picky! Lemme tell you... 

But, ennyways, Maman gibbed us phone buks.

She gabe MissyBun and me a whole one, and then she took a second one and divided it in half and gabe half each to Beebe (and the Stuffie) and to Mouse.

So we're all looking at 'em like, "Whut's dis do?" onna'count obba Fakt that the phone buks are just sitting onna bottom ob our habbytats just doing nuffin.

And Maman says to us, "You play wiff'em."

So I nibble onna corner ob Missy's and my phone buk, and it's not especially tasty, and so I'm wike, "Hokay, so it's not rilly food. So whut does it do?"

And Maman is wike, "Alla bunnies onna PetBunny has dem. Now you do, too!"

And she is all Bright and Cheerful, wike dis is sum kinda Big Deal.

And Missy pushes our phone buk wif her nose and says, "I dunno. It takes up a whole wotta floor space!" 

And dis is troo, onna'count obba Fakt datta phone buk is Big, and cuts down onna room Missy needs to lie down in, because she issa Big Beautiful Bunny Gurl ob Gen'rous Propor'shuns.

And ober in their habbytat, Beebe anna Stuffie are just staring at their halffa-phone buk wike dey're puzzled by da whole presence obba fing, and Beebe calls out softly, "Yo! Whutdaheck is dis supposed to do?"

And ober in his habbytat, Mouse is wike, "Beats me, but I don't wike it."

And he lunges at it, and dere's dis tearing sound anna page comes loose.

And dere's Mouse, skidding around inna middle ob his habbytat, wif his butt onna piece obba page frumma phone buk. And he calls ober, "Well, dis is kinda inner'resting!"

So dis takes up, wike da whole day dat we're sitting, wooking atta phone buks taking up space in our habbytats, and wondering whuttsamatta wif Maman dat she put dem dere.

Anna Cokie Fat-Cat comes by and axts us, "Howcome you gots phone buks? Gonna hab pizza delibbered?"

And Missy charges toda side obba habbytat and shouts, "Don't you just wish You hadda phone buk, Cat! But you don't! So dere!" And she does her sassy tail-twitch and starts up her "Rabbits rool! Cats drool!" cheer dat is gonna ged us innu sum kinda trubble wun ob dees days.

But dis time, Cokie just flipped his tail at her and left, onna'count obba Fakt datta Dawg was pushing him frum behind wif his nose, chanting "No cats inna Bun Room. No cats inna Bun Room. No cats inna Bun Room" ober and ober. Border Collies is wike dat. Per-sis-tent.

So Beebe and da rest ob us hadda Nap and den Maman waked us up to gib us Organic Cherry Tomatoes. And whin we didn't seem too enthusiastic aboudda Organic Cherry Tomatoes, she handed 'round sum Baby Organic Carrots, which was worf waking up for.

And Maman axted us, "Why aren't you playing wif your phone buks?"

And Missy is wike, "Show us whut dey do!"

And so Maman opins da phone buks for us.

Well, now each phone buk is now takin' up twice as much space as it did before, and Maman hasta moob our Hay Baskits so we still hab sum space to walk around in ('specially Missy and  me, onna'count obba Fakt dat Missy issa Rilly Big, Beautiful Bunny Gurl ob Serriously Gen'rus Propor'shuns). 

And Beebe anna Stuffie just habba sniff 'round dere phone buk and go back to napping. It's not rilly in dere way (cos dey are bof onna small side), and Beebe doesn't care, just so he hassa Stuffie to groom and grumble to, just wike it's Clover. Yestidday, Maman removed da sekond pootie pan frum Beebe's habbytat, so now Beebe finks he hasta share his pootie pan wiffa Stuffie, and he's not pleased dat he hasta share. Beebe nebber has shared ennyfing well, which is why he and Clover had two pootie pans inna furst place, so he's watching his pootie box carefully, just in case da Stuffie mite use it. 

Life inna Warren is not uncomplicated.

So Maman camed back innu Da Bun Room again about tea-time and we all had a turn at Playtime inna BunPen onna Screen Porch onna'count obba Fakt dat it was nice outside in Joisey, and whin we got back to our habbytats, the phone buks was still dere.

So Mouse is wike, "Dis sucks!"

And he starts attacking.

And he's diggin' atta phone buk. And den he starts tearing atta paper pages, and crunching dem, and scrunching dem, and ripping dem up ALL OBER DA HABBYTAT! Dere are paper pages ebberywheres in Mouse's habbytat! And da whole place wooks, inna werds ob Dadda, "Wike a right rubbish tip."

Because Maman and Dadda camed in frumma Sitting Room drawn byda racket Mouse was making, to see Whutdaheck was going on inna Bun Room. 

And Missy heared dem coming furst and she sed to Mouse, "Now you're gonna ged it. Wookit dat mess in your habbytat!"

And Mouse sed, "I don't care. I'm tired ob habbin' dis stoopit phone buk takin' up half my habbytat. Why'd Maman ebben put it in heer inna furst pwace?"

 And whin Maman camed in she geds all hextcited and says, "Whut a Good Mousekiss! He's playing wif his phone buk! Isn't dat too cute?"

And we're wike, "Whutdaheck?"

And darned if she doesn't gib him a Baby Organic Carrot for making a Mess and a Racket!

So, ob course, dat only enourages him.

So now he's really goin' atta phone buk, tearing up paper pages and tossing dem alla'round da habbytat, and tossing toys, and banging innu stuff as he hauls dat fing up-an-down his habbytat. 

And Maman says to Dadda, "Remember that phone Grace lost and kept getting a bill from?"

And Dadda sed, "The one she thought she lost down an airplane toilet on her way into the Hurricane Katrina Rescue?" 

And Maman sed, "Yes. That one. She kept getting a bill from it. I'll bet she never lost it down the toilet at all. The Bunnies in The Herd stole it, and now they're having Mouse look up all the numbers they want for it."

"And by tomorrow morning, they'll be dialing furiously." 

And Maman nodded. "Yup. Wait'll Grace gets that bill."

So den Maman and Dadda gabe us our salads, wif more Organic Cherry Tomatoes, and our Pellets, and sum Raisins. And while she was waiting forda Dawg to come in frum his Last Patrol, Maman reached innu our habbytat and ran her thumb along da pages in Missy and my phone buk.

"See guys?" She says.

Well, I didn't wike da sound and charged ober and nipped dose pages, and Maman says, "Dat's my Cutie Georgie-Boy!" and I'm sitting dere, wike, *glare* 

And den she does it again!

And Missy's ears come forward, until dey almost touch togedder atta tip ob her nose.

And for sum reason, Maman and Dadda find dis hilarious, so dey do da page-wiffa-thumb-nail fing two or three MORE times, just to watch Missy ears moob forwards until dey almost touch togedder atta tip ob her nose.

And Maman says to Dadda, "Only Mouse seems to ged da hang ob playing wiffa phone buk. Da rest ob 'em don't seem to wike dem."

And Dadda sed, "Well, leeb da phone buks ober nite and see if dey are still dere inna morning."

And den dey sed, "Nite, Bunnies!" and shut offa Bun Room Light and went to bed.

And Mouse is dere, standing inna pile ob paper pages, wiffa remnants ob his salad alla'round, inna Dark, and he says, "Dey didn't ebben clean uppa mess! Well, dis sucks ebben more!"

And he starts diggin' again. And Mouse is diggin' and scrunchin' and tearing and ripping and pulling and tossing and bumping innu Hebbin only knows whut, onna'count obba Fakt dat it's preddy much wike Dark inna Bun Room, and ebberyfing is clanking togedder and rocking back-and-forf, making a Huge Racket.

And Dadda calls out frumma Bed Room downna Hallway, "Hey Mouse! Stop playing wif dat phone buk and go to bed!"

Dere is no pleasing hoomins.

----------------- By George 

George's Eigth Strand: Day Number 29
Now Playing: Cooties

 So da wedder in Noo Joisey has been terrible, lemme tell you. Rain, rain rain! Our Warren's wedder-person onna tellybishion who is named Genn "Hurricane" Schwartz (No kiddin'! If you do not beeleeb me, just go to http://www.nbc10.com and see dat he issa reel person! And he knows wedder, lemme tell you!)

So ennyways, dis wedder-person says dat dere is ebben MORE rain comin' which means dat we bunnies cannot go out onna Screen Porch to have our Playtime inna BunPen, which MissyBun says is "No Fair!"

So she was finkin'bout habbin' a Sulk aboud dis but decided not to onna'count obba Fakt dat dere is too much Hay inna habbytat dat needs to be eaten.  

So den we hadda concentrate on sharing four Baby Organic Carrots, but Missy doesn't share well, onna'count obba Fakt dat she is a Big Gurly Bun ob Gen'rous P'porshuns. So I hadda rilly concentrate on dis or she would hab had alla Baby Organic Carrots, ebben da wun dat I was currently chewing on!

Dis was wunna those days whin if you wanted an Baby Organic Carrot, you almost hadda sit onna darned fing yourself, or she was gonna hab it out frum unner'neaf'ob you. She is my bunwife and I lub her, but dere are sum fings dat are just mine.

Which brings me toda subjeckt ob cooties.

So, onna'count obba Fakt dat it is raining, we gots Da Dawg coming fru alla time, wooking for Catz.

Now dis is not normally A Problem, onna'count obba Fakt dat Da Dawg is just doing his Job (and Jobs are berry important in Border Collie lives - just so you know.), enforcing Maman's Rool aboud No Catz Allowed Inna Bun Room, which is Fine Wif Us, 'cept forda Fakt dat it is raining,  and Nobun has been allowed out for Playtime inna BunPen onna Screen Porch, and we are habbin' to share Baby Organic Carrots, and ebberybun is getting just a Widdle Short-Tempered ober da Whole Issue.

Hang on, I'm getting toda cooties.

And den, don't you know dat Cokie-da-Fat-Cat just hasta come paddlin' innu da Bun Room!

And he's wike, "Hey, Bunnies!"

And Mouse is wike, "Whudda you want?"

And Colie says, "My breakfast. I am oncest again a Fortygotten Cat, OnAlone, Wif NO FOOD."

Anna Dawg, who has come in behinda Cat says, "Wookit Cat, I was just Uppastairs eatin' outta your bowl, and I know dere is kibble innit!"

Anna Cat sighed and sank down onna floor and sed, "Yeah and now it is cobbered in Dawg-cooties, so I am starbing agin."

And suddinly, Beebe-Bunny!! wooks ober da side ob his habbytat and notices datta Dawg is unner'neaf ob him and calls out, "YO! Da Dawg is eatin' Green Bag!"

And Missy and I habba wook, and Beebe is right: dere issa Dawg, snuffling along da floorin his absent-minded way, just sorta casually sucking up Rabbit-Chow dat's fallen outta our crocks!

And Missy is wike, "HEY!"

Becos Missy gets berry possessive where food is concerned. She has dis saying dat she says she lerned frum Dadda dat goes sumfing wike, "Whuts yours is mine and whut's mine's me own."  It means, Missy says, dat she Roolz Da Werld, but I don't beeleeb her.

Anna Dawg wooks up, sorta 'pologetic and says, "I'm only eatin' dis stuff cos my tummy has cat-cooties frumma kitty-kibble. Dis Bunny-Chow is as good as grass which I can't go out to eat inna Back Gardin onna'count obba Fakt dat it is raining."

And Mouse wooks ober da side and says, "Yeah, and suppose if dose Bunny-Chow fings hab bunny-cooties. Den whut?" And he starts to waf.

And Missy stomps and hollars, "Bunnies don't hab cooties!" 

And Cokie wooks up and says, "Sure dey do. Which is why I don't eat Bunny kibble."

And Missy glares and says, "And we don't eat kibble, you stoopit Cat. We eats Green Bag."

"And I eats Bloo Bag." Says Cokie. "So whut's your point?"

Anna Dawg says, "I eat enny-Bag-dat's-goin'. Dadda says dat dawgs is nat'chural scabbengers and will eat ennyfing." 

And Cokie says, "Which is why you are gonna be sik-onna-cawpet. Cos by eating ennyfing is how you gets cooties."

Anna Dawg says, "So? It's not wike cooties is a Social Stigma, wike horkin' uppa hairball in public. Sum fings shuld be done in private!"

And Mouse says, "Which is why Stoopit Dawgs and Cats leeb Cooties all ober da Houz and upset Maman and Dadda. Rabbits onna udder paw, do not hork or ged sik-onna-cawpet, which makes us nat'churlly superior. And it also means dat We do not hab Cooties, but we're not nat'churally prejudiced aboutit or ennyfing. Wike Catz." 

Anna Cat says, "Wookit, bunnies hab cooties. Ebberyfing inna werld has cooties ob wun sort or anudder. It's just dat Sum cooties we can cope wif, and udders, we can't. I can't cope wif dawg-cooties on my kibble. Kibble is bad enuf wiffout habbin' dawg-cooties slobbered all'ober it. "

So Mouse, who watches a whole wotta Law & Order onna tellybishion cos Maman lets him, jumps rite on dat argumint wike a reel-live District At'Turney and says, 

"So den, only certin kinds ob cooties bother you? You are nat'churally prejudiced inna matter ob cooties?"

And Missy pipes right up and says, "I know I am. I don't wike ennybunnies' cooties 'cept for my own. My own are hokay, and dat's not admitting dat I hab cooties cos HouseBunnies don't hab cooties."

And ob course Da Dawg is wooking puzzled by dis, onna'count obba Fakt dat dis whole argumint has just gone to a whole new level that has passed right ober his hed wike a cloud inna perfektly bloo sky.

Anna Cat frowns a widdle and says to Mouse, "Wookit, BunnyRabbit, I don't eat Green Bag, so I gots no quarrel wif bunny-cooties; I ebben play wif your Hay. So dis means dat I am impartial to most kinds ob cooties, 'cept dawg-cooties on my kibble, which as ebberybunny and kitty knows, are fatal to catz. Which brings me rite back toda Main Problem: I amma Starbing Cat, OnAlone Inna Midst Ob Plenty. Or sumfing wike dat onna'count obba Fakt dat my kibble is currently cubbered in dawg-cooties and un-eatable. Which is why I am heer."

Anna Dawg is beginnin' to whine to himself, "Mamannnnnn." And goes ober to sit byda Door Toda Back Gardin.

And Mouse goes, "Ah HA! So you admit that you are prejudiced agains Dawgs, then! So you are not a believer in the Equality ob Alla Us Togedder!"

Anna Cat wooks at Mouse wike he's lost a few obba crayons outta his box and says, "Whutebber made you fink I ebber did, BunnyRabbit? Habbin't you read my tee-shirt? It says, 'C-A-T' and dis is My Chowder."

And Mouse says, "And mine says 'R-A-B-B-I-T' and dis is Our Warren. And your point is?"

Anna Dawg puts his nose up and jingles da bells dat Maman has hung onna door-knob obba Door Toda Back Garden. Den he starts whining again, a widdle bit louder, "Mamaaaaaannnnnnn!"

Anna Cokie-Cat geds up and starts waving his Fat-Cat plumey tail by Mouse's habbytat, which is not a rilly smart fing to do, not whin Mouse is getting all puffed up innu dis four-pound ball ob energy motyvated by 'nnoyance. 

So we habba Dawg jingling da bells dat are 'tached toda doorknob obba Door Toda Back Gardin and whining for Maman, and we habba Cat 'noying an already 'noyed houzrabbit. And it is raining again outside, so Nobunny can go out onna Screen Porch for enny Playtime inna BunPen.

Dere can be no Good Ending to dis story. 

But...

The End ob it is dat Dadda commed Downnastairs frumma Office, and discobbered datta Dawg had been Sik-Onna-Bun-Room-Floor, and datta Cokie-Cat had wabbed his tail oncest too many times by Mouse's habbytat, so Mouse had flied up-inna-air, done a one-eighty-kick-flip and sprayed da Cat wif bunny-pee, which had upset da Fat-Cat so much dat Dadda found him half-way between da Kitchin anna Bun Room habbin' a hork...

And I can't tell you da number ob cooties dat were spread alla'round da place, but Dadda hadda axt Maman forda boddle ob cleener and sum kitchin roll.

So now dere are are no more cooties-inna-Bun-Room. Dadda says it's just gonna be Us Buggers forda resta'daday...

-------------------------- by George 

 

 

George's Eigth Strand; Day Number 25
Now Playing: All Checked Up...Yeah!

Well, dey made it back.

Fruma Fifty-Thousand Mile Check-Up atta V-E-Ts - bof Catz anna Dawg, all in rellytibly Good Order, as Dadda would say.

Yeah.

And when dey finally got home, Da Dawg went right ourside innu da Back Gardin, and Cokie-da-Fat-Cat came to sit down wif us inna Bun Room, while Beep-da-Udder-Cat went Uppastairs to habba lie-down. 

And Cokie sed ebberyfing went off hokay, hexcept... 

Da Dawg isn't too bright, sumhow, you know? He's all enthusiastic aboud gedding his leash on, for one fing, so when Maman says,

"Sit, Marc. Sit!"

He does. And when she says,

"Heel, Marc!"

He goes to stand wif his nose right by Maman's left knee. Nebber mind dat she gots da leash in her right hand, ob course, so dat it wraps itself around her legs or ennyfing.

It's just wike, as soon as he heers does werds, "Heel, Marc!" his whole mission-in-life is to get dat dawg-nose right uppa'gainst Maman's left knee and keep it dere.

So Maman gets herself untangled, puts her walkin'-stick inna right hand, anna leash in her left hand (which doesn't werk too well, onna'count obba Fakt dat her left hand issa wun wif alla os-stay-oh arthor-itis, anna new-rop-apthy stuff innit).

And off they go.

Followed by Dadda lugging one cat-carrier afta anudder, bof obb'em wif howlin' Catz inside.

"So dere I am, inna middle obba seat, " sed Cokie as he was sittin inna middle obba Bun Room floor afta dey had all gotten home. Since Da Dawg was outside, he figgered datta No Catz Inna Bun Room Rool didn't apply to him atta momint.

"Inna middle obba back seat wif Beep howlin' on one side ob me anna Stoopit Dawg onna udder. And Beep is howlin' 'Help! Help!' ebbery udder sekond, anna Stoopit Dawg is shiftin' frum foot-to-foot singin': 'Ridin' inna car! Ridin' inna car!' like it's sum kinda song.

"And dere's Dadda dribin' and talkin' to Maman aboudda 'Kids' and I'm finkin' to myself, 'You know, dis sucks. I'm stuffed innu dis tiny carrier, bouncin' around inna back seat obba stoopit Buick wif dis Idiot Beep on one side ob me yeowlin' 'Help! Help' ebbery udder sekond anna Stoopit Border Collie singin' 'Ridin' Inna Car! Ridin' Inna Car!' an' heer I am, goin' toda V-E-Ts for sum Fifty-Thousand Mile Check-Up I don't ebben need! Dis SUCKS!"

And den, " Continued Cokie. "Alla suddin, da car comes slidin' toa stop. And there goes my face, smooshed uppa'gainsta'front panel obba carrier! And Maman calls out,

'We're heer, ebberybunny!'

"And I'm finkin' to myself, 'Heer? Atta V-E-Ts'? Allreddy?

"And suddinly, da Stoopit Dawg, who has been singin' happily 'Ridin' Inna Car! Ridin' Inna Car!' suddinly barks out, 'We're atta V-E-Ts! Oh NO! Sumbunny help us! We're atta V-E-Ts! I smell V-E-Ts!'

"And I'm wike, 'So wheredaheck do you fink we've been goin' to?'

"Anna Dawg is wike, 'I dunno! I dunno! I was Ridin' Inna Car an' alla'suddin, we're Atta V-E-Ts! HELP!'

"Anna Dawg and I are habbin' to scream at each udder, becos Beep is still in her carrier nextest to me, goin' 'Help! Help!' ebbery udder sekond, anna Dawg and I are habbin' to yell to be herd ober her. 

"And inna meantime, Dadda is geddin' outta da car, and Maman is strugglin' to ged herself untangled frum her pocketbook, and her walkin'-stick and alla her gen'ral stuff, an' now Da Dawg is rilly beginnin' to wail, yellin' for whoebber to come and sabe us. 

"Like dat's gonna happin'.

"And Beep is still howlin' 'Help! Help!' at reg'lar innervals.

"Anna Dawg is justa'bout beside himself whinin', 'I smell V-E-Ts! I Smell V-E-Ts! Oh no! Oh no! OH NO! I SMELL V-E-Ts!'

"So Maman opins Da Dawg's door and tells him to 'Stay' - which means dat she wants him to not moob outta his seat inna car and make an hextcape, which, being a rellytibly tall Border Collie and Maman being a rellytibly short hoomin who can't run - issa distinct possybility. He could hextcape going toda V-E-Ts, but just becos Maman has told him to 'Stay', his One-Mission-In-Life is to do hextactly whut Maman tells him to do, which is to sit wif his backside glued toda car seat until she tells him it's hokay to moobit. 

"Dis is why Dawgs are such idiots: dey do whutebber dey are told to do. It is why Dawgs will allus be inferior to Catz and it is disgusting.

"So den Maman grabs hold obba leash and tells Da Dawg, 'Comeby' and he geds outta da car and goes to sit wif his whole stoopit hed locked  uppa'gainst her left knee. 

"Den Beep gets hauled outta da car and den me.

"And den we see da V-E-Ts. And we getta see Doctor Batts, who I ged to see ebbery year and sumtimes if I am not feeling too good! 

"But as toda Fifty Thousand-Mile Check-Up, let me tell you sumfing, BunnyRabbit, it sucks! It just sucks! Alla dat being crammed innu a carrier, habbin' to sit nextest to Beep yellin' for 'help' anna Dawg singin' an' den losin' whut's left ob his tiny mind - lemme tell you, it just sucks! It shouldn't happen to a cat and it shouldn't happen, especially to ME!

"But seeing Doctor Batts again, well, that wasn't too bad. Great guy, talks like Dadda, makes a fuss, doesn't mess me aboud too much, 'cept he has dis fetish aboud lookin' at cat-teefs - but aside frum alla  dat stuff, it seems dat he likes catz. Which makes himpreddy hokay as far as hoomins goes.

"Butta Fifty-Thousan Mile Check-Up? Dat's a whole 'nudder bunny, BunnyRabbit! Anna story dat's better left to anudder time!"

And wif dat, Cokie got up offa Bun Room floor and paddled out.

And Alla Us Togedder watched him go.

And den MissyBun wooked at me, kinda thoughtful-wike and sed, "So, do we tell him dat ennybun habbin da name ob doctor issa V-E-T?"

Anna rest ob us wooked at each udder for a minit and den shaked our heads.

"Nahhhh."

-------------------- By George 

 

George's Eighth Strand: Day Number 24
Now Playing: The Fifty-Thousand Mile Check-Up

Yestidday, Maman was preddy sik, and taked alla her meddysins and stuff and was preddy quiet where we were concerned, but you have to allus pay 'Tenshun, cos ebben when hoomins are being quiet, stuff can be going on rite unner'neaf ob your nose.

 So dis morning Cokie-da-Fat-Cat and Beep-da-Udder-Cat came downnastairs frumma 'Partmint and plumped demselbs down inna Bun Room, onna'count obba Fakt dat Da Dawg was still out inna Back Gardin, patrollin' his yard for sqirrels making fun ob him, and wasn't there to enforce da No Catz Inna Bun Room Rule.

So I sed to Cokie, "Guess whut, PuddyCat?"

And Cokie wooked up at me and sed, "Whut?"

And I sed, "I heered Maman onna tellyphone yestidday, calling da V-E-T and making anna'Pointmint for you, Beep, da Dawg and wunna Phil's Catz to go habba Fifty-thousand Mile Check-Up there tiday."

And Cokie scrambled to his feets and yeowled, "WHUT?"

And I began again, rilly patiently, in case he haddn't paid 'Tension to me da Furst Time, "I heered Maman onna tellyphone yestidday and she was calling da V-E-T,"

"Waidaminit!" Yelled Cokie. "How'd you know it was "our" V-E-T? Maman knows a lotta V-E-Ts!"

And frum unner'neaf ob Beebe anna Stuffie's habbytat, where she was wooking for strands of hay, Beep  pipes up, "Maman knows Dr. Skolkin, and Dr. Doolen and dey are Bunny V-E-Ts. We don't go to see dem. Not ebber."

And Missy poked her nose outta our habbytat, trying to getta'wook at Beep unner'neaf ob Beebe's habbytat, and  she sed, "Wookit, Cat, Maman wasn't talkin' to Dr. Sharin, so no 'Pointmint was being made for enny ob us. Maman s'pifikically sed, 'Cokie', 'Gidget' (dis is Beep's proper name), 'Zachary-Marcus, Border-Collie' and dat stoopit widdle cat, 'Munchkin' dat libs wif Phil-anna-Lanna. So dat just proobs datta 'Pointmint was made for you."

And Cokie wooked alla'round da Bun Room, reel perplexed wike, and he sed, "But whut did I do? Why do I hab to go toda V-E-Ts?"

"It's your Fifty-Thousand Mile Check-Up." Sed Mouse, munching on sum pellets for his morning snack. "Ebberybunny knows aboudda Fifty-thousand Mile Check-Up."

And Cokie glared and sed it wassn't time for his Fifty-Thousand Mile Check-Up onna'count obba Fakt dat he had already been taken inna car toda "Groomers" TWICE in one year for "Lion Cuts" and one time the Groomer-person had ebben messed up and gibben him a bow (which wassa Indiggity onna'count obba Fakt dat he issa Boy-Cat), so dat hadda count for "sumfing". So dere was no way dat he was in line for enny trip inna car going toda V-E-Ts for enny Fifty-Thousand Mile Check-Up!

And Missy laffed and sed, "Sorry, Cat, but you're going. Maman alreddy hassa carrier out for you."

And Cokie pointed his nose inna air and sed, "I am too BIG for enny carrier. I amma 40-pound Maine Coon Cat dat is too big for enny kitty-carrier. Dadda sed so."

And Missy laffed again and sed, "Dat didn't stop Dadda frum stuffin' you in dere da wast time you hadda go sumplace."

And den Beep piped up again and she sed, "Well, Dadda can't take us ALL, and Maman isn't strong enuf to carry us."

And Cokie nodded. "Yeah. He sed I was gonna break da handle onna carrier."

"And dat's why your udder names are 'Tonnes-Ob-Fun' and 'Fat-Shit'." Sed Missy, holding her tummy and still laffin.

"And Dadda calls you 'Bug-A-Lugs', Rabbit!" growled Cokie.

And Missy stopped laffin', poked her nose fru da habbytat wif her ears rilly flat and sed, "I dare you to come ober heer nextest to dis habbytat and say dat, Fat-Boy!"

And suddinly Beebe stops pushing da Stuffie toward da hay baskit and calls out: "YO! Pull dat tail! Pull dat tail! Pull dat tail waaaaaay back!"

Which goes to show you dat, while he might hab trubble libbin inna present reality, Beebe hassa rilly good grasp on his Long-Term memory and can refrence events that took place before I ebben joined Our Warren - like when MissyBun gotta'hold ob da tail obba Queen Cat, KayCee Kitty, (who now libs wif Phil-anna-Lanna), and just pulled and pulled and pulled, and wouldn't let go, until Maman and Dadda came running toda rescue and saved KayCee frum being pulled butt-furst innu Missy's habbytat. 

So Missy took a widdle bow, cos dat wassa Memorable Tail-Pull, and Cokie knowed bedder den to stick his fluffy tail ennywhere's near where Missy could grab on.  

And I sed, "Well, Sistah Beffy has been heer for a coupla days. And she is gonna be heer t'nite, and she likes going toda V-E-Ts."

And then Beep stopped browsing for hay, sat down and started to groom herself, rilly neatly, and she sed, "When Sistah Beffy owned me, she sed I wassa berry 'peshul kitty and dat is why she allus took me fora Fifty-Thousand Mile Check-Up - " and then she stopped, and gasped, "What am I saying?"

 And Mouse looked ober and grunted, "Well, dere you go, KittyCat! You are 'peshul again tiday!"

 So Cokie plopped down onna floor again and started moaning aboud how "terrible" ebberyfing was. So Missy told him to "Shaddup" and dat he needed to "grow a pair" cos he was such a 'fraidy cat.

"I'm not gonna grow ennyfing." Sed Cokie. "Cos if I do, I'll sure as heck wind up atta V-E-T's habbin it cut off or fixed and that isn't happining, lemme tell you!"

And Missy bounced around da habbytat for awhile wiffa saucy butt-twitch, singin', "Sucks to be you!" *bounce* "Sucks to be you!" *bounce* 

So, afta awhile, when I stopped bouncing along wif Missy - becos she is One Big Gen'rously P'porshuned Bunny-Gurl and when she bounces, I bounce right along wif her - I axted Cokie, "So, whutcha'gonna do now, PuddyCat?"

And Cokie wooked alla'round da Bun Room, and ob course, dere is literally, no place to hide. In fakt, inna Whole Houz, dere is No Place To Hide, onna'count obba Fakt dat no madder where you go, eidder Maman or Dadda alreaddy knows abouddit onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman has alreddy run da vacuum cleaner innu it, somehow or anudder.  Ob course, dere are summ small places dat are harder to ged innu den udders, but Cokie's too big for enny ob dem and he knows it.

And den, suddinly, we culd Alla Us Togedder hear Da Dawg barking out inna Back Gardin. And he was just shouting at sum squirrels uppa tree, "Go on, keep it up! I gots ALL DAY, you stoopit bunch ob tree-rats! ALL DAY! You hear me? ALL DAY!"

And den Cokie began to smile, and he stretched himself out onna floor and rolled ober onto his back, waving his paws inna air, wike he does whin he's rilly pleased wif himself, and he sed,

"I'm gonna tell da Dawg dat he's going for his Fifty-Thousand Mile Check-Up."

------------  By George 

George's Eigth Strand; Day Number 23
Now Playing: Fings I hab Noticed...

 

Hullo. George heer.

And I hab been reading da morning Noospapers wif Maman again, and I hab been noticing fings...

1.) Why issit dat dere are so menny hoomins who write aboutta subjekt ob war but don't know a fing aboud history? I meen it! Dis morning inna Guardian Online, you wouldn't beeleeb how meeny commints dere are aboudda "History Obba United States Military" being made by hoomins who don't know ennyfing aboudda United States, military history, politics, World War II, da Korean War, Viet Nam, the conduct of war in gneral, economics, religion, philosophy, logic - in short, we're talking totally ignorant hoomins - but dey gots opinions uppa wahzoo! And - whoa, baby! - are they intent on expressing dere 'pinions and being taken berry seriously, indeed! Now I know ebberybun is entitled to hab an opinion, and to express dat opinion, but, good grief, do dey all hab to be so proud ob displaying dere ignorance, too? And being so proud ob dat ignorance? It's wike, ebberybunny inna werld hassa 'puter and ebberybunny inna werld is convinced dat only they know what's Right! Dey hab berry high opinions ob dere High Opinions - 'cept dere 'pinions seem to be based onna pile ob preddy worfless assumptions garnered from spurious sources... Maman sed inna wotta cases you can ebben tell which course book dey read last...

And sum hoomins call us "dumb bunnies"! Whoa!

2.) How come Noospapers, Tellybishons and wotta Media outlets feel it's necessary to gib ebbery lunatic inna werld a forum in which to express whutebber commint dey hab onna'top ob their heds? I meen, don't we turn onna Noos to lern whut's going on inna werld, not to hear whut local-nutcase-inna-street finks abouddit? 

I just wanna know whut's happinin', y'know? I can figger out whut to fink abouddit on my own - Fank you! I didn't NEED Barbara Walters anna "View", or Oprah, or Matt, Ann and whut's-her-name anna whole "Today Show" or "Dateline" to know how to form my own 'pinions, so I sureasheck don't NEED janedownnastreet to tell me whut I shuld be finking, eidder!

It's my mind, and I'll make it up, Hokay? 

3.) Hoomins are obsessed wif Wedder. I dunno why. I mean, wookit, it's gonna rain or it's not. If it rains, are you gonna stop it? No. If it doesn't rain, are you gonna make it? No. Den stop werrying abouddit. It eidder will rain or it won't rain. Maps won't help. Colourful graphics won't help. Da wedder-person issa 21st Century version obba prehistoric shaman doin' a dance around da fire - just wif physics. So face it, folks! If da clouds aren't right, dere will be no rain. Alla da werrying inna werld won't make it happin. Ged ober it and ged on to sumfing dat can be changed - like gibbin' a home to homeless bunnies. Go on, you can do it!  

4.)  Where does milk come frum? I been confoozled aboud dis, so mebbe sumbun can help me out. Dere usta be cows around heer. Maman sed so. She sed dat when she wassa liddle gurl, dere were sebben dairy farms inna area dat bringed milk to ebberybunny's home. Now dere are none. Dere usta (cos Maman told me so!) be dairy farms all ober Noo Joisey, wif lotsa cows, so dat you usta know where da cows libbed dat gabe da milk dat hadda name obba dairy printed onna label onna gallon ob milk dat you bought atta super markit. You could go and visit dose cows! Yeah! Well, now you can't. Alla milk comes frum places nobun has ebber seen! Is weird or what? Maman and Dadda hab dribed inna car to da places listed onna jugs ob milk, and dere are NO COWS at dat place! So where is alla milk coming frum? Issit real milk dat is inna jugs dat are marked 2%? Or is dat just (as Maman has s'spekted) coloured wadder? Dadda, who has hadda relationship wif Genuine Cows says dat real milk hassa'boudda 10% milk fat, so dat meens dat wherebber da poor cows is rilly, only part ob dere milk is ebber going to hoomins. Isn't dat sad? 

And whoebber prooved dat real milk is bad for hoomins, ennyways? (Maman wants to know dis, onna'count obba Fakt dat she buyed sum ice cream dat sed it was "No Sugar Added" and it turned out to hab FAKE CHEMICAL SUGAR innit! She sed it was nasty. "Looks like frozen chalk." is whut she told Dadda. So she wants to know whutdaheck is up wif ice cream dat nobunny wants ennybunny to hab ennyfing dat tastes good ennymores.) She sed datta bestest ice cream inna werld is Cornish Vanilla, onna'count obba Fakt dat it is full cream. I fink raisins are a bedder treat, but that's MY OPINION and I am entitled to it!

5.) Why do hoomins choose to grow old? Bunnies don't grow old, dey grow 'Tellygint, Hunny sed. So why do hoomins just wanna grow "old"? It's wike I sed to Maman, dat wif alla books and stuff around, you'd fink dat hoomins would take advantage ob dere longer life-spans to read and go to school and stuff, but dey just seem to wanta stay wif whutebber education dey hab gotten when dey was young. I don't geddit, onna'count obba Fakt dat I am busy trying to grow as 'Tellygint as I possibly can. And dere issa wotta stuff dat I still hab to learn! Now Hunny was 13 anna half years old before he went toda Rainbow Bridge, so he wassa Berry 'Tellygint bunny! So I gotta lotta werk to do to fill his footsprints! And I'm werkin' onnit. 

But I can't seeda point in growing "old". I mean, whut's "old" dat it is sumfing to wanna be? Now 'Tellygint seems to be sumfing worf-while, but  "old" seems to be preddy useless assa end-in-itself.

And dis is preddy much where I happin to be atta momint. Sorta wondering, you know? Just sittin' here, in my habbytat wif MissyBun, just sittin' and wonderin', you know, kinda, "Whuttaheck?"  and eatin' sum hay.

So, ennyways, if sumbun could answer summa da questions going on heer, it would be "gratefully accepted" heer at Our Warren.

------------------------- By George 

George's Eighth Stand; Day Number 21
Now Playing: The Natshunal Werld-Wide Pet Food Shortage Continues

YEAH!

 You bedder believe it!

 Dere issa Natshunal Pet Food Shortage going on ALL OBER DA WERLD!!

Ebben Cokie-da-Fat-Cat is werried now, as you can see by dis pikchur.

All dat is in his bowl is kibble. Dere are No Cans ob Fat-Cat-Food left inna Houz. Dadda sed so last night when he went Uppastairs to feed Da Catz in their apartmint. 

So dis morning, Cokie came Downnastairs, pounded through da Living Room, anna Dining Room, anna Kitchin and came on out innu Da Bun Room and axted:

"Hey Bunnies. You gots food?"

And Mr Mouse looks ober atta Cat and grunts, "Go away."

And den heer comes Da Dawg, onna run frumma Sitting Room where he has been watching Beeb-da-Udder-Cat habbin a nap. And ob course, Da Dawg is running onna'count obba Fakt dat No Cats Are Allowed Inna Bun Room and dere's Cokie-da-Fat-Cat, big as life, sitting inna middle obba Bun Room Floor, like no Rools pertain to him.

Anna Dawg slides to a stop inna doorway and barks, "No Catz Allowed Inna Bun Room!" atta top ob his voice.

Because this is "Whut Da Dawg Does".

So Cokie looks ober atta Dawg and den looks back at Alla Us Togedder and axts, "Wookit, Bunnies, dere is no canned food Uppastairs in Our Apartmint." And den he looks atta Dawg again and says, "And I heard dat dere was No Canned Dawg Food in your bowl Downnastairs heer, eidder!"

Anna Dawg stopped barking and thought abouddit for a minit and said, "You know whut, Cat? You're right!"

And Cokie sed, "I know I'm right. Dere issa Natshunal Werld Wide Shortage ob Pet Food!"

And I sed, "Oh no, Puddy Cat! You can't fool me twice on dat wun! You sed dat dere was no Werld-Wide Shortage ob Pellets when Maman sed dat dere was. And dat was only a coupla-days ago."

"And you'll notice dat we gots pellets." Said MissyBun, wooking innu her bowl, just to make sure.

"Yo!" Said Beebe-Bunny!! "Ebben da Stuffie says dat dere are pellets!" And sure enuf, da Stuffie was standing dere, habbin a look innu Beebe's pellet-crock and dere were pellets in dere. So Stuffie's don't lie.

So Cokie shaked his head and sed, "Wookit, guys, dere is NO FOOD. I'm telling you! Dere issa Werld-Wide Shortage!"

Anna Dawg sed, "Well, iffa Bunnies hab pellets, den how do you figger dat wun?"

Anna Cat sed, "Listen, Stoopit," (which issa Dawg's udder name) "I didn't hab enny canned food last nite. Beep didn't hab enny canned food last night - and didn't I ged to hear abouddit all nite! - and you didn't hab enny canned food last nite. LOOK IN YOUR BOWL! Whut do you see? You see KIBBLE! Da last refuge obba Terminally Deprived!"

And I'm wike, "Whutdaheck issa Cat talking about, 'Terminally Deprived'?"

"AND," continued Cokie. "Assa furder last straw, Da Bunnies hab gots no HAY!"

And sure enuf, we didn't.

Alla our Willow Baskits were empty.

Dere was no HAY for bunnies!

So Missy put on her Disapproving Rabbit face and sat down to sulk. 

Not that she is a "Big Fan" ob HAY, or ennyfing, it's just dat My Big Bunny-Gurl ob Gen'Rus Pro'porshuns is berry concerned wif fings dat she and I eats. In general.

So we all hadda wood around our habbytats, and sure enuf, dere was NO HAY ennywhere. Not a strand dat was worf eating and none had come in for our Morning Snack.

We had gotted Parsley, insted.

And Cokie sed, "You see? Werld-Wide Natshunal Shortage ob Pet Food. I told you! It's terrybul! We're deprived! We're reduced to being treated wike catz an' dawgs in shelters an' alleyways, we've been reduced to eating KIBBLE! Don't you see dat? WOOK IN YOUR BOWLS!"

Anna Dawg wooked up frum his bowl fulla kibble wif his mouth full and whuffled, "Yeah, and I'm eating mine before you buggers ged it."

And I'm wooking alla'round da habbytat ebberywheres for at least a few strands ob HAY onna'count obba Fakt dat I can't believe dere is none-at-all-not-ebben-unner-neaf-ob-Missy! I mean, dis is NOT RITE!

Anna Cat is just sitting dere onna Bun Room floor and he is howling.

And Beep-da-Udder-Cat is sitting dere onna Bun Room floor, and she is also howling.

Anna Dawg is tucked innu his bowl inna Kitchin and he's crunching KIBBLE like mad.

So dat means dat Alla Us Togedder inna Bun Room are infested wif Catz. 

So Mouse, who gets disgusted wif fings first, turns his back and pees inna gen'ral direkshun obba Catz. Just to sort ob show dat his patience is getting preddy thin in spots.

And doesn't dat just make Cokie take on worse?

So dat draws da 'tenshun ob Maman and she comes wandering innu da Bun Room wiffa her hands full ob clothes dat need to be washed inna washing machine.

Anna furst fing dat she does is axt whut alla Catz are doing inna Bun Room.

And dat beminds Da Dawg dat he's not doing his Job (And Border Collies are berry big on Jobs) so he rushes innu Da Bun Room all bossy and huffy wif his ruff puffed out wike he's been in dere alla'long telling da Catz to get out. 

And Maman is wike, "Why don't you go Outside and ged out frum unner my feets?"

Anna Dawg is wike, "Dere issa Werld-Wide Natshunal Shortage ob Pet Food!"

And Maman is wike, "Wookit, Stoopit, go outside and count your squirrels. Dadda and I hab to go to the store and buy critter food."

And Dadda calls out frum Uppastairs, "Don't put Da Dage out inna Back Gardin, dear! They're delivering a new bale of hay this morning! I just called!"

And Maman calls back, "Well then I'm putting him onna Screen Porch because he's InnaWay! And call your Catz! They're down here complaining!"

And Dadda calls down, "And well they might! We have to get canned food for them at the market today!"

And there's a whole lotta fuss and bother as Maman mooves Mouse so she can open uppa Screen Porch Door and letta Dawg go out there, and ob course, Cokie da Fat-Cat gets inna way obba door and gets squeezed, but that allus happins, and den Maman discubbers dat his hed is all wet onna'count obba Fakt dat Mouse has peed on him again, and Mouse and Beebe is trading insults, but Maman hasin't noticed dat, onna'count obba Fakt dat she is going to get a wet kitchen towel, which upsets Cokie, onna'count obba Fakt dat he doesn't like habbin' his hed washed by Maman cos she allus carries it too far, anna arrgymint between Mouse and Beeb is heatin' up and alla Maman and Dadda's clothes are onna floor anna Dawg is outside onna Screen Porch, barkin' his fool hed off (as Maman says)...

And den MissyBun stomps up to the door ob our Habbytat, plumps herself down, and glares down at Cokie-da-Fat-Cat. And she glares at him and den she starts yellin:

"Ha! You see dat, PuddyCat? Do you HEAR DAT? Dere is NO WERLD-WIDE NATSHUNAL SHORTAGE OB PET FOOD! You are NOT being treated wike no Cat-Inna-Shelter! You are not terminally deprived! You are just TERMINALLY STOOPIT! Dat's whut you are, Cat! A TERMINALLY STOOPIT CAT dat's been peed on by a bunny and had his face washed by Maman! And dere is NO WERLD-WIDE NATSHUNAL SHORTAGE OB PET FOOD! And dat's da LAST fing I wanna hear abouddit!"

And dat's preddy much, dat.

 ---------------------- By George

 

George's Eigth Strand; Day Number 15
Now Playing: Werld-Wide Pellet Shortage?

 

You gotta hand it to Maman. She tries. She is rilly, rilly berry trying when she wants to be.

 Latest mess-up... 

She come innu da Bun Room and announces:

"Dere issa Werld-Wide Shortage ob Pellets onna'count obba Fakt dat dere has been a breakdown obba pipeline frum Alaska."

And she gibs us all dees round willow baskits fulla timothy hay.

And I'm wike, Whutdaheck, it's food, I'm eating it.

So dat's preddy much dat.

Den she comes in later, and she takes out dat willow baskits, fills dem wif more timmy hay, puts dem back innu our habbytats, and says da same fing aboutta "Werld-Wide Shortage ob Pellets".

And so, MissyBun, who lubs her pellets, goes ober to wook in our Pellet Crock, and sure enough, it's empty!

So Missy turns around and wooks at me and axts me "Whuttaheck?"

And since I gots my mouf fulla hay, I tell her, "Werld-wide shortage ob Pellets. Didn't you hear Maman?"

And Missy is wike, "You gotta be kiddin' me!"

So she sticks her nose back innu da pellet crock and snorts and alla dust left ober frumma pellets flies alla'round her hed. 

Den she comes ober to me, and sticks her nose in my face and it's all browny-green onna'count obba Fakt dat dere is pellet-bust all ober it.

And she says, "Hokay. Whut'cha gonna do abouddit?"

And I'm wike, "Um, hab sum hay?"

Which doesn't go ober too good wif Missy, onna'count obba Fakt dat she grabs her toy and tosses it innu da Pellet Crock. Den she goes to sit onna pootie-box and habba Fink, wearing her Disapproving Rabbit face.

 So it's getting to be Dark, and Maman and Dadda let ebbery bun habba widdle playtime out onna Screen Porch inna BunPen (which was nice, 'cept Da Dawg also hadda hab his Evening Bark wif alla'udder dawgs inna neighbourhood, which was annoying!) and Beebe gots brushed and had his face washed wiffa moist flannel, which he wiked because he misses being groomed by his CloverBunny anna stuffie-bunny dat Maman gibbed him to sleep wif doesn't do much obba job on grooming (although it seems to eat hay and it moobs around a widdle whin Maman strokes its ears. Very weird.).

So here we are in  Our Habbytats, and it's Dark, and Maman takes out da willow baskits and puts dem back in fulla timothy hay and dis time dere are rose petals, some dill leebs, and mint leebs, and sum parsley leebs all skattered ober da hay!

And I'm wike, WHOA! And I dive rite in.

And Dadda comes by and he says,

"Hey, what's up with you, Bug-a-Lugs?" to Missy, which makes her annoyed, so she gibs him wunna her glares. And Dadda says, "You're getting to be a fat cow, aren't you?"

 Now Dadda says dis to her inna nicest possibly way, and he smiles and pets her, but she just grumps and goes to sulk on her pootie box, which makes him laugh.  (Keep in mind dat dis issa man who wears Harewear tee-shirts to visit summa his customers!)

Now I'm sitting between da side obba Habbytat and da willow baskit, and Missy is onna udder side obba baskit, wif da most obba Our Habbytat behind her. So she toddles ober toda hay-baskit, hassa wook innit and hassa rose petal.

And while she's sampling da rose petal, a Cat wanders unnerneaf obba Habbytat. 

Well, dat preddy much figgers, because Da Dawg is outside On Patrol as Dadda calls it, and dat just means that he isn't heer to make sure dat dere are No Catz Inna Bun Room. So da Catz are taking Advantage, as usual.

And dis is Cokie-da-Fat-Cat, who takes Advantage ob Ebberyfing dat's going onna'count obba Fakt dat he says He Issa Furst Cat (whutebber dat means!).

And Cokie says to Missy, "Guess whut, Bug-a-Lugs?"

And Missy says, "Don't call me dat."

So Cokie says it again and wabes his tail just past da bottom obba habbytat where Missy can't get it.

Den Cokie says, "Guess whut, Bug-a-Lugs? Dere is no Werld-Wide Shortage ob Pellets. Maman just made dat up. Dat troo Fakt is dat you are FAT - good in Catz wike me, bad in bunnies wike you - and Maman and Dadda are concerned abouddit. And you know whut happins whin dey are concerned aboud sumfing - dey go off and Do Sumfing Abouddit, which in dis case means dat Bunnies Hab To Eat More Hay And Less Pellets."

And Missy is wike, "Whut?"

Anna Cat says, "Dere is no Werld-Wide Pellet Shortage, Bug-a-Lugs. Dere issa Whole Fifty-Pound Bag ob Green Bag inna car. I herd Dadda tawkin' to Phil."

And Missy is wike puffing out to almost twice her size in fur and she glares down atta Cokie-Cat and says, "WHUT?"

And Cokie says, "Clean out your ears, BunnyRabbit: Dere is no Werld-Wide Pellet Shortage. You hab bin had."

So Missy starts stomping around inna Habbytat and she's not inna good mood about dis at all.

So I'm still ober heer, between da side obba Habbytat anna willow baskit, and I'm eating hay wif alla herbs and stuff innit, and not saying ennyfing, because I hab preddy much growed to become a Fairly 'Tellygint rabbit.

And Maman and Dadda lets inna Dawg, who chases da Kitty-Cat right Uppastairs, onna'count obba Fakt dat dere are No Catz Inna Bun Room! And den Maman and Dadda says "'Nite Bunnies!" and dey turn offa Bun Room Light, and shuffle off to bed.

So dat's preddy much dat.

Except.

Missy is still mad.

So I'm munching hay, and she marches up to da willow baskit and gibs it a shub wif her hed, which kinda pushes da whole issue innu my face.

And she's wike, "Well?"

So I shake my hed clear obba hay, and push da baskit back to clear myself a widdle room, and I'm wike,

"Well, what?"

And she gibs da baskit anudder shub, and here I am wif my face buried again.

And she's wike, "So whutareya gonna DO abouddit?"

So I getta hay outta my nose and ears, and shub da baskit back at her. Because, you know, whut can I do aboud ennyfing? I'm a rabbit enjoying my evening hay. I mean, whuttaheck is going on here?

And Missy grabs da baskit in her teefies, piks it up and starts tippin' it. So I grab da udder side, and preddy soon, we're kind ob staggaring around inna Habbytat, wif dis baskit fulla hay between us, wif her jerkin' it wun way and me jerkin' it da udder. And I'm ober heer, fallin' ober play toys, and balls wif bells inn'em, and she's ober dere, wif most obba room, and she's just aboud wrecking da place wif her back end by careening innu crocks and stuff.

And den I heer Da Dawg come innu da Bun Room, along wif Maman and Dadda in dere baf-robes and slippers.

And I'm finking, "Geez! Dis is all I need!"

When suddinly, da baskit flips up innu da air, and alla hay, anna herbs and ebberfing, falls out.

And dere I am, wiffa Willow Baskit On My HED!

So I back out rilly fast, and ob course, onna'count obba Fakt dat I gots no room, because I'm backed innu a corner obba Habbytat, I bang my butt innu da side obba Habbytat, anna baskit filps up inna air again, and lands right-side up onna wadder crock!

Well, da Wadder Crock was Full. 

Whin da baskit landed onnit, it sorta emptied out on Missy and me.

Well, dat just sorta Putta Carrot Onna Salad for Missy. She grabbed her toy outta da empty Pellet Crock, wound up her hed, and slam-dunked dat toy rite innu da baskit.

It's a kinda big toy. Gots sum weight to it frum alla bells innit. Ennyways, it landed rite inna middle obba baskit and a lotta wadder comed out frum  unner'neaf obba crock, sumhow, and we got wetted again.

And you know whut?

Maman and Dadda went and got kitchen roll and dried us all off and made a big fuss ob Missy, telling her whut a special bunny she was, and how she was just so cute whin she throwed her toy, and so 'dorable and such a 'mazing bunnychild and stuff wike dat.

And den Maman filled dat stoopit pellet bowl!

YEAH!

 Well, you know, I like to have pitched a fit, but Missy had alreddy done it.

And den Maman gibbed each wun ob us a Raisin and sed, "I dunno why I reward you guys for bad behaviour."

And I'm finkin', "Guys? Whut guys? Dere were no guys, just Missy habbin' a fit ober da Werld-Wide Pellet Shortage dat don't exist. And, you're da wun who started it! 'Werld-Wide Pellet Shortage', indeed!"

----------------- By George 

 

George's Eigths Strand; Day Number 10
Now Playing: A Cloverless Day

And what is there left to say on a Clover-less day? Ouite a bit, actually.

This is Clover, Ms CloverBun of Our Warren, to give her proper name. And she was a very proper rabbit. Auntie Irene said she was the "most beautiful rabbit in the whole world." But Auntie Irene is a Cat-person. Still, she knows "beautiful" when she sees it.

Ms Clover came to Our Warren from Mawmie Grace who found her with her two sisters in a dumpster in Bis-Con-Sin. What a terrible way to begin life - discarded in a dumpster with your two sisters! Poor things. They were probably "just hutch bunnies" of the familiar destitute, back-yard untouchable caste, purchased at Easter as living cuddly toys and then gradually shoved out the door as "the kids lost interest" and "well, you know, the mess" and all the other associated, purely hoomin, excuses that robbed them of their dignity as fellow-travellers with whom we share this planet. Doesn't that just happen? As it never should.

But Mawmie Grace, who has a great heart as well as superior athletic skills (after all, anyone who guards our nation and spends their life taking care of soldiers, as she does, must, perforce, be an exceptional human being!) saved Clover, Jazzie and Pearlie Mae from the dumpster, and took them into The Herd who are all great friends of everybun at Our Warren.

And since that made The Herd fairly over-crowded at Christmas in 2002, and nobun should ever be homeless at Christmas! (even though that was never a possibility!), Maman told Mawmie Grace to pick one of the Three Sisters to come to live in Noo Joisey.

And Mawmie Grace selected Clover - the most beautiful grey agouti bunny of the three. 

Mainly To Remind Phil (who, as a newly-minted Petty Officer at Pensacola NAS, was insufferable on the subject of inter-service rivalries) That Army beat Navy in 2002!

So Clover joined a bunderground that was headed East.

Now a bunderground is a complicated affair involving any number of hoomins in any number of vehicles all moving in one general direction with Bunnies On Board. This particular bunderground involved a good-hearted person who accepted Clover from Mawmie Grace, who then met Auntie Laurie who was returning from a MidWest vacation in her RV, who allowed Clover to ride in comfort in her RV all the way to Upper New York State where she was dropped off with  Oskar Ten-Speed Bunny with a different Auntie Laurie (and that was his Forever home), where Clover was picked up by Maman and Dadda and driven to her Forever home, which was Our Warren.

 And this was a fairly simple bunderground. If you want to hear about a complicated one, then someday the story of The Great Tommy Tucker Bunderground will appear in this space. Now that is a true Miracle Story. 

But this is Clover's Story, and hers was a fairly simple bunderground from The Herd in Bis-con-sin to Our Warren in Noo Joisey.

And in Our Warren, Ms Clover settled down in her own habbytat and got to know Belinda and Hawthorn, and me,Hunny, and all the other bunnies who lived there. Most importantly, she stayed alert and learned from the bunnies who were already there, most especially from Belinda who, like her, was an English Spot sort of rabbit (and English Spots are famous for making up their minds about things!) and who had lived through serious surgical procedures and other medical emergencies. And Clover lived with Our Warren through the Dark Days of hoomin joys and sufferings, from one house to another, through the passings of parents, and the growing of Phil and Sistah Beffy, always watching, ever-calm and constantly growing more 'Tellygint as the days passed by. 

She met Beebe-Bunny!! Who was a bachelor-bunny always on the look-out for a bun-wife. And after he chewed his way into her calm, orderly habbytat and she read him the Roolz about living with her, she allowed him to move in with her. 

 Even though Beebe, a former school-bunny from the wilds of South Philadelphia, was several bricks shy of a full load, they formed a devoted bunny-bond as husbun and wife-bun. She kept him neat and tidy and he provided comic relief as Netherland Dwarf Hot-tot Bunnies (who are Ledgends in their own minds) freqently do.

It was the classic "Northern Marriage" - the Big Woman bonded to the classic Little (demented) Man.

But it was a strong bond, such as only bunnies make, that nothing could break.

 Then yesterday, Clover was unwell.

She refused her treats. She was straining to urinate. To hoomin eyes (never very discerning) she had that "inward" look that heralds disaster in all prey animals, that sent Maman running for the phone to call Our Warren's devoted physician and healer, Dr Sharin Skolkin. And Dr Sharin saw Clover at once, took x-rays, drew blood, ran tests, then had the surgeon see her and re-arrange his schedule so that Clover was at the top of the list for the next day's surgery. And wonderful veterinary doctor that she is, Dr Sharin even volunteered to give up her day off to assist at Clover's surgery - because Clover had been hiding (as prey animals will) a large bladder stone, and it had to come out. And Dr Sharin gave Clover a shot for the pain, some pre-surgery anti-biotics, and sent her back to the comfort of her bond-mate and her Warren over-night, with orders for her to return at first light for the next morning's operation.

And Clover returned to Our Warren in her carrier, got back in her tidy habbytat, and talked fings over with Beebe. She had been seen by Dr Sharin and by one of the best Bunny Surgeons in the whole State of Noo Joisey. She knew, from having known Belinda before her what it meant to have a "bladder stone" and what it meant to have "surgery", but she also had spoken with Hunny and she thus also knew The Lore, as do all bunnies, about The Rainbow Bridge. And Clover carefully weighed her options. 

And poor, addled Beebe. What to do about poor little Beebe whose conversation usually consisted of going around shouting "YO!"? Well, he was a Senior Bun, and Maman always cared for Alla Us Togedder. NoBunny was ever OnAlone in Our Warren.

And Clover made her own choice: she left Our Warren for The Rainbow Bridge.

On her own terms, in her own time, of her own choosing.

Leaving us here Below, in a Clover-less world, in the height of Summer.

--------------By Maman

(If you like to know more about The Rainbow Bridge as bunnies know it, please ready "George's Christmas Story" - December 14 - 16, 2005) 

 

George's Eigth Strand; Day Number 6
Now Playing: Happy Bunnies
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit

 

"The world is so full of a number of things, That I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings!" --- Robert Louis Stevenson

Maman readed that to us lastest night. She reads to us preddy much a lot which is why, she says, we are "fairly 'Tellygint rabbits". Maman told Sistah Beffy dat she hasta also read out loud to her babby so that da babby will grow up and be 'Tellygint, and Sistah Beffy agreed wif Maman that she would read to her babby alla time, which, she sed, is 'zactly whut Maman inflicted on her and her brudder, Phil, and dat whut goes around, comes around - dat in dis case, cos she was readed to assa babby, she was gonna read to her babby, too.

Beffy also sed, "Appuls don't fall far frum trees." Which is good, I fink, because it makes it a whole wot easier to spot where appuls are likely to be onna'count obba Fakt dat trees are easier to see den appuls lying onna ground.

Annyways, whut Maman readed to us was 'zactly troo: because no madder whut bad things you mite be hearing, the werld is full ob enny number ob wunnerful fings.

Wike Castles.

I know two bunnies who hab Castles ob dere berry own.

Yeah!

Issn't dat wunnerful? We're talking REEL CASTLES heer. Just wike castles dat hab kings and queens, and dooks and udder impawtant stuff inn'em.

My Cuzzin, Little Ashy, who lives inna place called SoCal has wun - his berry own Castle!

Here issa pikchur obbit, wif Little Ashy actchually inside obbit so you will know that it is his berry own Castle!

Now, not ebberybunny I know is lucky enough to have a Castle ob their berry own, but this is Little Ashy's.

And heer he is sitting in it like Sir Gwain, pacing the battlements, and as Little Ashy says, onna wookout for vampires to slay and kingdoms to rule ober benevolently, cos dis is Whut Housebunnies Do.

Well yes, bunnies do dream! And why not? We share dreams and stories wif each udder and tell tales anna Lore, and this is how once, inna Long-Ago-Wilderness, we lived through long Winter nights inna snug burrows, deep unnerground.  Dis is pawt obba Lore as it was told to me, George, by meHunny, Senior Bun before he passed over The Rainbow Bridge. 

And dat issa Lore, but now we lib as Urban Rabbits, as HouseBunnies, and now we share the stories ob our lives through blogs anna 'puter. And not ebbery life is sad. And dis is because all lives are filled wif wall-to-wall possibilities, like the possibility of being a Happy Bunny! 

Yeah!

Now heer is My Cuzzin, Bailey, who libs in New York Citty which is onna East Coast. And dis issa pikchur ob Bailey libbing in his berry own NOO Castle!

Yeah!

Bailey hassa Castle ob his berry own now, preddy much like Little Ashy's, hextcept that this one is onna East Coast and it belongs to Bailey, and dis is his pikchur, so you can see dat dis is also reel - a Bun in His Castle. 

Yeah! 

And Baily and Little Ashy are Happy HouseRabbits! 

So you can see, all acrosst da United States frumma West Coast, where Little Ashy libs alla way toda East Coast where Bailey libs, dere are Urban Rabbits living happily as HouseBunnies, habbin Castles and Kingdoms, Rulers ob Romaine, an' Dukes and Duchesses ob Dandelions Dominions.

Yes, and dis is not to say that ebbery bunny life is filled with purpose-built palaces and cultivated Fields of Fragrant Herbs. We all know that this isn't so. There is still too much suffering and too many homeless bunnies in the werld as it is. And if you habba home to offer to a bunny, you habba means to help change dis terrible Fakt.

But there are wunnerful tales told of Ashy van Helsing, Vampire Slayer! And brilliant stories to which to listen about brave Bailey Fire-Fighter, Rescue-Truck Driver! And there are a few stories, here and there, too, about Little George, Story-Teller-and-All-Purpose-Bunny-Bard.

And there are homes with Bunny Rooms, and PlayRooms, and rooms like Our Warren's Screen Porch that are devoted just to bunnies. There are hearts that are open, and hearts that will always be open to the love of bunnies.

For dis we are Berry Fankful.

And because ob dis dere will allus be Happy Bunnies! 

So, while our werld is not yet perfekt, it is still a werld full of wonders and delight. 

--------- By George 

George's Eigth Strand; Day Number 4
Now Playing: Disapproving Rabbits

Hab you ebber herd ob "Disapproving Rabbits"?

Then you know whut I mean.

If you habben't herd ob "Disapproving Rabbits" then Lemme Tell You, it's a Whole 'Nuther Bunny.

We're talking about MissyBun Hawpa heer, my gorgeous bun-wife ob Gen'rus Proporshuns - or Wun Big, Whole-lotta Disapproving Loppy-eared Houserabbit Bunny when fings don't happin to be going in hextactly her way.

Now dis is Missy onna Good Day:

 Dis wuld be whin ebberyfin is happining da way dat makes Missy a Happy Bunny.

Dis issa Good Day. 

Good fings are going on alla'round her and she is pleased wif ebberyfing and ebberybunny.

 

And down heer issa'nudder pikchur ob Missy assa Top Bun ob Our Warren:

  You can see heer dat she issa Lady Ob All Dat She Suveys.

And this wuld inklood Ebberyfing dat happins to be ebberwheres.

And dis is Fakt.

You don't argue wiffa bunny who is wooking wike Missy is wooking in dis pikchur.

Not if you hab half a brain. Dis issa pikchur obba Seriously In-Charge Rabbit.

So when you see MissyBun Hawpa, who normally wooks wike she does in dees two pikchurs, and she is suddinly wooking at you wike dis:

As she is wooking at you in dis widdle pikchur ober heer (and I can't seem to ged alla pikchurs to come out to be the same size, no madder how hard I try wif dis Blog program!)...

And you notis her bond-mate (which would be me) is wooking at you a lot like I happin to wooking wike in dis pikchur down ober heer...

Then wuld be a good time to figger out dat fings are NOT happining da way that they should be happining.

Because these are da faces of Seriously Disapproving Rabbits.

Rabbits who are Seriously Disappointed in fings as they are.

 And the sight of these disappointed and disapproving faces means that you really need to find a way to FIX STUFF!

Fast!

Because these are the faces of rabbits who have taken the measure of their treatment/environment/social or/or cultural context and found it to be substantially wanting in some fundamental aspect!

It could be that there is a diminished or unclean water/pellet or TREAT  bowl.

It could be a lack of Playtime onna Screen Porch.

There could be Catz sumwheres. (Dis issa fing dat will allus upset Missy!)

You just nebber know whut it is gonna be nextest, but you can be sure dat it is gonna be sumfing. 

And you know how it goes:

Wun momint you hab Happy Bunnies, anna nextest: 

Thump!

And there goes da hoomin day, shot to pieces, all onna'count obba Fakt dat you now hab Disapproving Rabbits on your hands and YOU hab to do sumfing to fix whutebber fing has caused da Disapproval inna furst place. 

Because that's da Furst Rool inna Bunny Bill ob Rites: Da Bunny Is Allus Rite. No Exceptions. 

Which means dat Missy is allus rite.

Now da Catz anna Dawg say dat dis is somehow unFair wif alla dis. But Our Warren says it is fundamentally Fair, onna'count obba Fakt dat we were heer Furst. 

Which is Troo.

Bunnies are allus Furst. 

So just be careful dat alla fings around you are going as they should - because da last fing you wanna add to your day issa Bunch ob Disapproving Rabbits.

 Hab a nice day!

--------------------- By George

George's Eighth Strand; Day Number 3
Now Playing: Dawg Days

 

Well, dis shuldn't be happinin, but it is.

Maman says it is nobun's fault, but dat we shuld somehow blame it onna "Dawg Days ob Summer".

But not Our Dawg. Onna'count obba Fakt dat Da Dawg didn't do ennyfing specifically, hextcept be around as he usuahlly is, onna'count ob this is whut he does.

It is Just Dawgs, in general.

Or sumfing.

So ennyways... 

Maman's 'puter died - mainly ob course onna'count ob her helping it onwards towards a more natchural kinda death by writing buks onnit (she hassa huge projeckt going dat we, Alla Us Togedder don't unnerstand, but it has to do wif a lotta stuff) - and Phil-da-Lad and his Compiny hadda order pawts for it THREE times bifore the compiny he ordered dem frum sent him a pawt dat wasn't (as he sed) "Messed up frumma get-go"

And dat made Maman get all antsy and stawt saying fings wike, "Wookit, you two (meaning Dadda and Phil, since dey is bof Engineers but dif'frunt kinds) don't get dis 'puter fixed, and I'm gonna buy myself dat noo laptop!"

And da two ob dem running around glaring. 

And den dere was Sistah Beffy going, "Yeah, Mom, you do dat!"

Onna'count obba Fakt dat Beffy is allus going to say stuff and den laff, cos she likes reactions.

And Dadda going, "Now waidaminit."

And Phil going, "Wookit, I'm not buying dat pawt, I'm buying a bedder wun and to heck wif dem!"

And Dadda still going, "Waidaminit" only nobunny was listening onna'count obba Fakt dat it is wike ahunnert degrees outside and nobunny wants to hear ennyfing ennyways. 

Which caused no end ob Argument around heer in Our Warren wif mainly ebberbunny yellin' at ebberbun else.

And dis is called Family Drama. Maman says we gots no end ob Family Drama around heer.

And so there's us bunnies sittin' atta Screen Porch Door wundering Whydaheck we can't go out inna BunPen onna Screen Porch for playtimes. Cos dis playing inna Sitting Room stinks.

Maman says dat it is Too Hot onna Screen Porch now, ebben atta Dark.

Is dis onna'count obba Fakt dat she is crabby or is dis Troo?

So we axted da Dawg, who goes out innu da Back Gardin alla time, cos apparently he hassa pootie box out dere sumwheres. 

Anna Dawg sed dat it is Wicked Hot outside whin da Sun is out.

So, I'm like, "Well, whut aboud whin da sun is down?"

Anna Dawg says, "Well, it issn't too bad whinna sun is down, but it's a wot wike trying to suck in air fru a wet baf flannel."

And Clover wrinkled up her nose and went, "Ewwww!"

And Mr Mouse sed, "Dere is no point in going out in dat."

And Beebe-Bunny!! sed, "Dat's all berry well for you to say, cos you wint in to see Law & Order wif Maman."

"Yeah," sed Mouse. "But it wassn't on. Maman sed sumfing aboud 'reruns' and back I came toda BunRoom, so dat preddy much messed dat up."

And dat's aboud whinna Fat-Cat showed up.

And he was all unhappy onna'count obba Fakt dat he couldn't go outside onna Screen Porch eidder. So he sat down beside da door and stawted complainin' about how catz, in general, are descended frum desserted annymuls and can take da heat.

And MissyBun, who hates all catz, told him dat if he was gonna keep dat biznizz up, it was no wunder dat he had bin desserted and Maman and Sistah Beffy had hadda rescue his sorry, fuzzy rear-sekshuns frumma shelter inna Furst Place.

Ebberybun has bin getting short-tempered around heer, Lemme tell you!

So Missy was paradin' backwards and forwards, wookin' for a way to grab da cat-tail dat was wavin' around just outta her reach (cos she can do dat, you know. She oncet gotta-hold ob KayCee's cat-tail, pulled it right fru da habbytat and was inna process ob pulling KayCee-Kitty on fru, too, whin Maman stopped her and her big paddle-feets!) and she was stomping onna'count obba Fakt dat she couldn't gedda grip.

And Maman was all outta sorts onna'count obba Fakt dat she was not being able to use her 'puter at all. But she was doing a lot ob reading and writing on tablit wiffa pen which were strewn all ober da houz.

And Dadda was 'noyed onna'count obba Fakt dat he and Phil was habbin' to pack up and ship back alla da not-werkin' pawts, and habbin' to share his 'puter and not being able to werk on-line wif Maman, wike they usually do, which is Togedder.

And it is was just gen'rally hot and mis'rable outside and we couldn't go for Our Warren's playtime out onna Screen Porch! 

So ebberybunny is preddy crabby, Maman says.

And it is all onna'count obba Fakt dat dees are da Dawg Days ob Summer.

Yeah!

So we're blaming it onna Dawg!

Yeah.

And, at least da catz are satisfied.

--------------- By George 

George's Seventh Strand;Day Number 15
Now Playing: Our Noo Cuzzin!

 

See?

Sucker lights are infectious.

Yeah!

And at long last, we hab discovered dat they are spread byda wearing ob hats.

Auntie Grace let her daughter, Kaatie, wear wunna her hats, and Guess Whut? Kattie Rescued  Our Noo Cuzzin.

And this is her pikchur.

Auntie Grace calls dis bunny a "cow bunny" which is not quite fair, as she also usta call Our Belinda Bunny a "Cow Bunny", too, which made Belinda preddy upset.  But, then preddy much ennyfing Belinda didn't like tended to make her upset and dere were a lotta fings Belinda didn't like so she was upset preddy much all obba time, if you axt me, but Maman says dis is Normal for Inwish Spot Bunnies mainly onna'count obba Fakt dat dey are allus In Charge ob Ebberyfing.

Ennyways, dis Noo Cuzzin is diff'runt. She gives kisses, for Wun Fing, and this is important. Ebberybunny wikes bunny-kisses. (Belinda usta give Maman bunny-kisses, but only Maman. This bunny is more genny'rus.) 

Now, the Bestest Noos in alla dis, ob course, issat Anudder Bunny Has Been Rescued! And dis bunny is now gonna be a houserabbit forebber in her very own Forevery Home.

But da Udder Good Noos issat da discovery dat Sucker Lights are Infectious! Anna Discovery dat they can be transmitted from hoomin to hoomin byda wearing ob HATS as has bin prooven byda Fakt dat Kaati has nebber rescued a bunny on her own before! This wassa first time dat Kaati seed a Bunny OnAlone, dis time assa Child Photographer's Prop, and went all on her Onliest toda Rescue! And while Kaati was wearing Auntie Grace's hat, she piked up Dis Bunny and sed (wif her Sucker Light shining brightly!):

"Oh no! Dis bunny is coming home wif me!" 

 And when Kaati taked offa hat she was still saying da same fing! So now we hab discovered dat Kaati now has a Sucker Light because she was wearing Auntie Grace's HAT!

Now we know how Sucker Lights are transmitted from hoomin-to-hoomin!

We're talking hoomin-to-hat-to-hoomin transferral, folks!

Yeah!

And Dis just In: Da Bunny's Name is Desdemona, and she will be known as "Desi" - onna'count obba Fakt dat she issa Classic and she issa Moovie Star Bunny!

So there you are! You hab alla latest Noos and Infortymayshun aboudda Rescue and aboudda Sucker Lights and aboud ebberyfing... 

Oh, and I almost fortygot to add in Our Warren's Latest Noos (but it is thundering out and so I gotta post dis inna hurry!):

Our Beffy is pregnant. She's s'sposed to habba babby sumtime near da End ob January or da Beginning ob February.

And so before Maman knowed ennyfing aboudda "Transmission Obba Sucker Lights" or ebben dat dey were Infectious, Maman let Our Sista Beffy try on wunna Maman's Noo Hats... and Maman has dis very strong Sucker Light...

----------------By George
 

 

George's (Clover's) Seventh Strand; Day Number 10
Now Playing: Clover Tells The Truth

Maman always says, “The Truth will out.”

And this is generally true, so long as someone bothers to Tell The Truth.

Now I am going to tell you The Truth: I am not George. I am Ms Clover and I am half Inkwish Spot (See these ears?) and we always tell The Truth.

Bunnies are very honest creatures and Inkwish Spots are the most honest bunnies going.

But back to “What Maman said.”

Just listening to hoomins over my five years, I have learned that they make The Truth sound unattractive. They call it “plain” or “unvarnished”, like it is a work-in-progress that still needs to have its decorations put on. Only in Courts of Law on tellyvision shows, like Mr Mouse's Law & Order, is The Truth called Whole or Vital like it is enough in and of itself to stand up on its own hind legs. But mostly when The Truth goes out walking out on its own – and it rarely does because it is not attractive at all - it is always “ugly” or at the very most, “basic.”

I have found that Hoomins, in general, don’t like The Truth. Given a choice between The Truth and Something Else, they will take the Something Else and believe it for preference. They always seem to feel that The Truth is “naked” and needs to be dressed up before it can come out.

So it seems around here in this carefully cryptic township where only the locals can pronounce it’s name (and that’s another conceit they cherish!). They really don’t like it when there’s “simple” Truth.

Someone doesn’t answer their door when the bin-men knock in the morning.

The lady living there is known not to go out very much, and her back door is open to the screen, but the front door is shut and it’s screen is locked. The car is gone from the drive. The resident Dawg barks, but No One comes to the door.

Well, isn’t the bin-man just angry? There is stuff at the kerb he doesn’t wish to take. It’s for another bin-man to take, but never mind – he is angry and he must say something in loud tones, using words such as obviously the “stupid, crazy, uppity, foreign bitch” who lives in the house, who “pretends” she’s some kind of “royalty” and keeps “all kinds of animals in there” (oh yes, and dark mutters about the legality of that!) and “couldn’t wait for her parents to die so she could take over that house” with her “foreign husband” she married in Europe after “running off and leaving her husband and kids here”…

And yes, that’s what is said and of course it is just all eaten up with a spoon in the hair salons and post offices and little gossip shops in the unpronounceable little township because “a lie can run around the world seven times before The Truth can get its boots on.” as Terry Prachett said in one of his wonderful books sitting on the shelves in Our Sitting Room.

But there is no blame, because, after all, who can be blamed for telling what they heard?

Because who is to say? If there is no one to home, and no one to hear the somethings a bin-man might, perhaps, have said that were overheard from someone else in some shop or another, and is now complaining about over the rubbish left at the kerb for some other bin-man.

As the Dawg said, it’s enough to make you want to bite someone!

But Maman says to us, “The Truth will out.” and says nothing at all to anyone else.

But I am half Inkwish Spot (You will notice my ears, please!) and I don’t believe in lies and I always tell The Truth because it is Whut We Do!

And I think, as I sit in my habbytat and meddytate while my fur sheds – which it is doing because it does and this is not my fault! - I think that hoomins don’t spread around The Truth because it is so much more Fun to believe in Something Else.

You will notice that the Something Else always is dressed up, like that Buk the Da Vinci Code, in fancy colours and Someone Else’s Imagination so that it has lots of levers and bits.

But Maman will not tell anything she might have heard because she believes in The Truth winning out. After all, since no one answered the banging at the door when no one rang the bell and everything that said was said in a group, with words meant to be overheard but not to be blamed, so that they cannot be said to have come from This Person or That Person. So there is no blame, because, after all, the words could have come from Anyone or No One or were Never Said At All because there was No One to Hear, or Something Else.

Isn’t it always the way?

But Maman says, ”The Truth will out.”

But I think that Hoomins love any Truth much better when it is dressed up into a story that is total Fiction - which is always Entertaining and never True - whereas The Truth often isn’t very Entertaining all on its own. Which is what makes the Something Else so attractive – it’s All Dressed Up in pretty, shiny things that catch the Wandering Attention of the "Easily Distracted".

And since it’s the "Easily Distracted" who have All the Time in the World to hang around the hair salons, post offices and little shops in this unpronounceable little township that glories in its obscurity, unpronounceable-ness and other little conceits (because it has no bigger ones of which to boast), who are attracted to the pretty, glittery Somethings Else and who grab on to them because they have so many more little moving parts and levers than the “plain” and “unvarnished” Truth.

Which is how it comes about that long after the Bin-men are gone, that a man can walk into a little shop and how a Woman (because she can’t be a Lady!) can ask him if he is the man who married “that woman” and call her by a name not her own, and describe “that woman” as the “woman” who “ran away and left her family” so she could “find 'true' romance in Inkland”.

And how that Woman (Because no Lady would ask such a question!) came to be so shocked and surprised when that man informed her that it was none of her business to ask such questions!

And that’s how that Woman (Who couldn’t possibly be a Lady!) went back behind her counter and came to say very loudly that Our Dadda was a Very Rude Man, which just demonstrates her belief in compounded Somethings Else that are not The Truth. The Truth is that Dadda is a Gentleman who does not deal in Gossip and adheres strongly to The Truth and that he has The Right to defend his Lady, who is Our Maman.

As for that Woman, well, no Lady (in the true sense of the word) trades in Gossip, after all.

And so she continues to believe in Something Else.

As does the Bin-man, when The Other Bin-man came ‘round directly and collected all the rubbish of which the first one complained.

Because The Truth is all too Easy for some hoomins, so it must be wrong.

And this is another hoomin conceit, like the others that govern this bitter little township, that: anything Convoluted is Intellectually superior to that which is Simple and straightforward.

And it is a conceit that infects schools and universities, and has found its way into the popular imagination. The conceit states: “if something seems too simple and direct, it must be wrong”. Better to go by the difficult, demanding, more impossible road than to take the broad and straight way to the Top of the Mountain. Believing the Convoluted Lie makes some hoomins believe they appear intellectually superior to others. Ask any conspiracy theorist; they express pity for the inferior mass of mortals who think they are alarmist idiots.

Rabbits are not such dumb bunnies that we believe this drivel (You do notice my Inkwish Spot ears!)

Life is not easy for a prey animal so there is no need to make it more difficult than it is already. If something seems easy, then go by that way – unless there is a clear, visible danger. Take the easiest, most direct path available. If there is a rock in the way, go around it: why incur extra digging? Is there a tree on the path? Make a burrow in its roots, and thank God that it is there!

But make no mistake: there is no mystery to be made of the origins the Tree in the Path. A tree has grown up and so a burrow is dug. There is no Lore in this. Where the True Lore lies is in the preservation of the memory of Those Who Came Before, who dug that Burrow Beneath the Tree On the Pathway, and made A Haven where Some Were Given Shelter.

There are True Mysteries in Life without having to create them out of a fabric of lies. The Truth in its plain, unvarnished state is fantastic in itself. The Truth is beautiful. Finding it is Interesting. It is The Journey that is amazing.

And All Bunnies, especially those of us who are Inkwish Spot Bunnies, (note the ears, please!), understand this.

---------------------By Clover

George's Seventh Strand: Day Number 8
Now Playing: Nuffin' Going On 'Round Heer

Rabbits do not grow old, they just grow ‘Tellygint.

This is whut me,Hunny told me a long time ago, when he wassa Top Bun and I wassa berry small Youngbun who was Newly Arrived at Our Warren.

And ebber since he telled me dis I have deddykated my whole life to growing ’Tellygint so that I can someday become like me,Hunny, who wassa Most ‘Tellygint Housebunny I Hab Ebber Knowed.

So da Udder Day, Mr Mouse waked uppa Whole Houz by *THUMPING* rilly LOUD.

Now I hab to ’Splain sumfing to you:

All bunnies can *THUMP* and they usually do it to warn udder bunnies dat dere is Danger.

And usually da bigger da bunny, da bigger da bunny feets and da LOUDER da bunny can *Thump*.

Now if dis was Entirely Troo, I, George, would be da Loudest Boy-Bun Thumper Inna Warren. Onna’count obba Fakt dat I amma biggest Boy-Bunny in Our Warren and hab da Biggest Bunny Feets.

Howebber…

I lib inna same habbytat wif MissyBun Hawpa, a Gurl-bun ob Genny’rous Proporshuns. (In udder words, One BIG Bunny-Gurl! Yeah!) And whin dis chick is lying down, she can soak uppa lotta vibrations, which kinda puts a damper on my Thumper LOUDNESS Faktor.

And Beebe-Bunny!! libs wif Ms Clover (formerly ob Da Herd) who is also a Gurl-bun ob Genny-rous Proporshuns (or anudder one ob those BIG Bunny-Gurls! Lemme tell you!) Which also puts a damper on Beebe’s Thumper LOUDNESS Faktor, onna’count obba Fakt dat her reclining inna same habbytat as him soaks uppa lotta Thump-vibrations.

Soda upshot ob alla dis issat neither Beebe-Bunny!! nor I (George) can *THUMP* as Loudly as we rilly can onna’count obba Fakt dat we hab Natchural Handycaps inna persons ob our Wifebunnies.

In Fakt if my Missus, MissyBun or Ms Clover takes it innu dere heds to *THUMP*, then Beebe and I end up flying up-inna-air frumma sheer force obba Thumps.

Cos bof Missy and Clover hab paddle-feets and when they slam those paddlefeets down, you’ll see eidder Beebe or me go sialing up-inna-air and den come down wiffa *bang* - which is NO FUN!, lemme tell you!

But Mr Mouse issa Bachelor Bunny and libs on his own in his Berry Own Habbytat inna Bun Room.

Here issa pikchur ob his habbytat when the Bun Room was Noo and we had just Moobed In, before there were enny toys or Fings. And dis udder pikchur is ob Our Habbytats also when They Were Noo before we got alla our crocks, wadder bowls, Toys and Fings like we hab Now. (Maman says dat we hab far too menny Fings and dat we rilly need to do a “Clean Out” one ob dees days. But she is allus saying dat.)

But because Mr Mouse lives in His Own Habbytat, dere is no udder bunny to soak up enny ob his *THUMP*-vibrayshuns. So when he *Thumps*, he can *THUMP!* and make it Stick.

Which is how he can wake uppa Whole Houz like he did da Udder Day.

So it was wike about Sbben O’Clock, and Mr Mouse is wike, “Where are dey?”

And I’m wike, “Where’s who?”

And Mr Mouse is wike, “Maman and Dadda. Dey are usually awake and outta da BedRoom by now.”

And da Sun is shining in through the Our Warren Memorial Window and MissyBun and I are habbing some hay left ober frum Last Nite, and I’m thinking to myself dat Mr Mouse is right – Maman and Dadda shuld be awake and feeding us by now.

And frum Uppastairs inna Study, I can hear Da Catz protesting dat da Door is shut and dat dey want to come down and go out onna Screen Porch, which is where they usually go inna Morning so dat dey can watch da Birds and pretend dat dey are Fierce, Wild, Hungree Catz instead obba Couple ob Lazy, Couch-potato, Hungree Catz.

And I realised dat Da Dawg was missing.

So I sed to Mouse, “Whut’s happened to Da Dawg?”

And Mouse sed, “I dunno, but da Sun is shining and dere’s Nuffin Going On Around Heer and dere Shuld Be.”

And MissyBun is wike, “So whuttaheck are you gonna do aboudda'Fakt dat dere isNuffin Going On?”

And Clover is wike, “Well, whutebber you do abouddit, make shure dat we ged sum treats outta it. I’ve had just aboud alla hay and pellets dat I kin take for One Morning.”

And she snorted which is Clover’s way ob saying dat she’s getting ‘nnoyed wif fings. And since Clover is at least half Inkwish Spot it issn’t wise to let her get too ‘nnoyed wif fings.

So Mouse settles himself down inna corner ob his habbytat and says, “Watch dis.”

And he lets go wif a good, solid *THUMP* that rattles his wadder crock and toys and ebberyfing.

And den he lets go wif anudder.

And anudder.

And we can hear Da Dawg inna Bed Room and he’s wike, “Whuttaheck?”

So Mouse lets go wiffa’nudder *THUMP* that preddy much rattles da Our Warren Memorial Winder.

And den I hear Maman’s voice and she’s wike, “Brian! Brian! Wake up! There’s something the matter with the bunnies!”

And Mouse gibs an’udder, rilly good *THUMP!*

And Missy is wike, “Ouick! Ebberybun lie down! Stretch out dose feets!”

So Clover and Missy lie down and stretch out, and Beebe runs ober toda pellet-crock and grabs a mouf-full ob pellets and starts chewing. And I grab a strand ob hay and start chewing on dat.

And Mr Mouse gibs one more, habbytat-rattling *THUMP* and settles down.

And here comes Maman wif her slippers flapping, and she's pulling on her bafrobe, and her hair's all ober da place. Anna Dawg is bouncing along b’side her, getting in her way, and Dadda’s coming along behind her in his bare feets, pulling on his bloo bafrobe and trying to get it tied as he goes.

Anna Dawg bounces innu da Bun Room and starts snuffling at our Habbytats and Maman follows in afta him and starts yelling at him to “Stop it, Marc!” atta same time as Dadda’s trying to getta look in and axting us, “Whuttsamatta, bunnies?”

So Maman goes right on through Da Bun Room, opins da Door Toda Back Gardin and pushes Da Dawg outta Door. Den she turns and wooks at us. And Dadda is standing inna doorway, wooking at us.

And Dadda says, “Whuttaheck issa matter wif you bunnies?”

And Missy is lounging and Clover is lounging; and Beebe and I are eating and Mr Mouse is just sitting there with his ears pointed forward.

And Maman is like, “There’s nothing going on!”

And Dadda comes and looks at Alla Us Togedder one-atta-time, and he axts,

“All right. Who was *Thumping*?”

Like we’re going to jump right up and answer that one.

And Dadda says to Maman, “Everybun looks all right. Nobun looks sick or in any kind of distress. Look at Missy.”

“She couldn’t be more relaxed.” Says Maman. “Look at Clover.”

And Clover waggles her ears and looks meaningfully at her treat-bowl.

“She just wants raisins.” Says Dadda.

“She always wants raisins.” Says Maman. “But she wasn’t the one who *thumped*. If Clover *thumps*, Beebe ends up in a heap, and he’s standing over there, eating pellets like nothing’s happened.”

And Beebe looks up wif his mouf full and says, “Yo?”

“And it wasn’t George or Missy who *thumped,*” says Dadda. “So that leaves Mouse.”

And Mouse just sits there and looks Dadda right inna eyeball.

And Maman just throws up her hands and walks fru da Bun Room innu da Kitchin and she says as she’s going fru,

“I don’t get it. What was all the *thumping* about? It’s seven o’clock in the morning and there’s nothing wrong. I just don’t get it!”

But we do.

It’s sebben o’clock inna morning and dere's Nuffin' Going On 'Round Heer!

---------------------------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 12:54 PM EDT

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George's Seventh Strand: Day Number 4
Now Playing: HOPPY BIRFDAY TO US!

Once upon a time when the day called “the 4th of July” rolled around, many years ago when Our Warren's me,Hunny was a relatively young-bun of five, the person me,Hunny decided was called "Our Maman" came into the "kitchin" and declared:

"Today is Tristan's Birthday!"

Now Tristan was the Ancient Dog of Our Warren and he was a Basset Hound with short, thick legs, long, droopy ears, and very dark, soulful eyes.

He had been the Very First to be adopted into Our Warren long years before, when Sistah Beffy was a little girl and Phil-da-Lad was still no more than a baby. So he had lived at Our Warren for a very long time, much longer than either Heatherington, the black-and-white Dutch Bunny, or me,Hunny who was a Tri-coloured miniLop.

And me,Hunny asked the Ancient Dog, who was 12 years old back then (which was in 1997), "Whut's a
'birfday'?"

"It's sumfing you hab written on your 'doption papers." sighed Tristan. Basset Hounds usually sigh when they are questioned by rabbits.

"But I don't hab enny 'doption papers." said me,Hunny, doubtfully. "The Maman-wady just taked me frumma 'Horrible Man' afta she threw dose 'munny'-paper fings at him. She was too mad to axt him for enny 'doption papers, I guess. So I s'spose I don't habba 'birfday'."

And the Ancient Dog lifted his large, broad head and appeared to think.

"Well," he said after a few minutes. "Ebberybunny is supposed to habba Birfday, I fink. It is kind of, sort of your own ‘peshul Day Obba Year. You are s’sposed to get treats."

"Well, we bunnies allus get treats, wike grapes and raisins and sometimes a slice ob ‘nanner - just wike you get dose Milk-Bone Dawg-Biscuits ebbery nite. But I don’t habba ‘peshul Day Obba Year, I don’t fink." Replied me,Hunny, his Loppy ears drooping even more. “Mebbe I’m not ‘peshul cos I hab no ‘doption papers.”

"If it makes you feel enny bedder," Piped up Heatherington, the black and white Dutch bunny who lived in the habitat next door to me,Hunny. “*I* don't hab no 'Birfday' eidder. Pet shops don't gib out 'doption papers wif bunnies and dat’s where Maman found me - sittin’ inna horribul widdle tank surrounded by cedar shavings, gasping for air!"

“Mebbe Birfdays are just Wun More Fing dat bunnies don’t seem to hab.” Said me,Hunny, sadly. “So few good homes, so few nice hoomins, and no birfdays, eidder.”

And the Ancient Dog was quiet for another extended period, which the two bunnies took to mean that he was once again engaged in what passed for "Deep Thought" in Basset Hound Dogs.

And then Tristan said, "Well, hokay. I amma Big Dog wiffa Lotta Birfdays behind me, so I guess dat means dat I hab lots obb'em to share. So frum now on, when I habba Birfday - which is allus onna 4th ob Jooly - ebberybunny in Our Warren will also habba Birfday. Howzzat, Bunnyrabbits? We will all share One Birfday in Our Warren."

So, from then on, everybun in Our Warren - bunnies, kitties and the Ancient Dog - all celebrated the 4th of July as their very own Birfday, with special treats and a pawtee and lots of extra hugs and pats "alla'round."

Tristan, The Ancient Dog, (who was, indeed, a Basset Hound) left for the Rainbow Bridge in 2003 at the advanced age of 18 years old; Heatherington, the feisty black-and-white Dutch bunny began his journey to the Rainbow Bridge in 2000 at the age of 9. And me,Hunny, the Tricolour miniLop, the *SeniorBun* of Our Warren saw Thirteen-and-a-Half Birfdays before he also left us to follow down the road that leads to the Rainbow Bridge, in 2005.

But we still celebrate everybun's "Birfday" on July 4th - every bunny, kitty and Dawg who has ever come to share their lives with us at Our Warren.

And when we got the 'doption papers for Zachary-Marcus, Border-Collie, didn't we just find listed under "birthday:" - yes, exactly! - "4th of July"!

So it's a very, special, lucky day here in Our Warren - and all because Tristan, the Ancient Dog began the tradition with "lots to share."

---------------- Hoppy Birfday to Ebberybun in Our Warren!

George's Seventh Strand: Day Number 3
Now Playing: Fireworks!

Hullo again!

Furst, I wanna wish Ebberybunny a berry Hoppy and Safe HOLLYDAY!

Yeah!

Hoppy 4th of July!

May your day be filled with thoughts ob freedom, accomplishment, quiet pride, generosity, and lots ob respect for ebberywun you know!

And please bemember alla Our Young Hoomins who are serving inna Armed Services all ober da Werld, tomorrow, too! Please be proud ob dem, and if you see wun in unnyform, go up to dem, shake dere hand and Fank Dem For Serving!

Don’t go all stoopit weepy on’em, just Fank dem. Onna’count obba Fakt dat dey are following inna Tradition Obba Continental Army by volunteering for dooty.

Sekond I wanna wish Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren a Bunderful Hoppy Birfday! tomorrow, too!

Hoppy Birfday to Us!

And onna’count obba Fakt it is going to be Our Birfday I habba ‘speshually alreddy-typed-up blog entry to stick in for tomorrow so I don’t gotta write it on my Birfday. I’ll just stick it in and post it tomorrow, hokay?

Great!

Third I wanna mention da whoebber is setting off dose BIG, LOUD Firecrackers dat are shaking dis Houz and skerring Maman, and worrying Da Dawg are rilly a whole bunch ob selfish, stoopit JERKS!

Don’t they know it is against da ROOLZ to hab firecrackers?
Don’t they know dat it is DANGEROUS to be playing wif firecrackers?
Don’t they know how SELFISH it is to go boddering ebberybunny else just to make a lotta noise?

Our Maman is sik wiffa Migraine and she hasta take meddysin tiday. She was trying to sleep, ‘cept dat ebbery thirty minits or so, dere wuld be dis horrible, Big, Huge – BANG! - like sumbunny exploding da Houz, anna Dawg wuld bark, anna Catz wuld skerry and Alla Us Togedder wuld - THUMP! -
And Maman’s hed wuld just hurt worse and worse.

Now I fink it is just TOO BAD when sum hoomins fink dey are bedder denna ROOLS. Dey fink datta “Democracy” means dat dey ONLY hab to follow da ROOLS dat dey wants, wike when it comes to firecrackers.

Just because they want fireworks, they go and get fireworks, ebben though fireworks are against the ROOLZ in Noo Joisey.

These hoomins fink dey are bedder denna ROOLZ.

Well, Maman says that they don’t have to live in Noo Joisey, eidder. If they want fireworks so much then they should leave heer and go live swumwhere’s else where fireworks are legal.

“Democracy” Maman says, is about having “free choice” and dat includes da “free choice” to go lib sumwhere udder hoomins fink alike, not in making ebberybunny fink da same as one hoomin.

Besides, dere is gonna be a Free Fireworks Show put on for ebberybunny atta skool accrost da street tomorry night. It’s going to be paid for byda Township put on by REAL professional pyrotechnical engineering hoomins (and not sum Jerk wiffa ciggyret) anna Free Fireworks Show is gonna feature da kind of fireworks only REAL professionals can buy – bigger, and much bedder den da widdle firecrackers dis local JERK is using to torment the Neighbourhood, werry Da Dawg, upset da Catz, make Maman’s hed hurt and make Us – Thump!.

And lemme tell you, if Maman culd figger out which houz da Selfish JERK libbed in, she’d calla Police. Inna heartbeat So they could arrest dat person for ignoring Da ROOLZ.

(Anna person finks dey are SO SMART, too, by setting offa big bangs about thirty minits apart, so nobun can figgerout where dat houz is! If he keeps bodderin da neighbourhood, sumbun will take da time and trubble to hunt da JERK'S Houz down.)

Almost invariably, Dadda says, JERKS wike dat are habbin’ pawtees, wif lots of noise, beer, lines ob cars, beer, grill-smoke, and beer. The kinds of hoomins who leeb cans behind in your gutter afta they’ve climbed outta it.

So mebbe dis JERK can ged arrested, and taken down toda station, and den hab to pay a fine and help make nextest year's 4th ob July Free Fireworks Show atta skool ebben bedder!

------------------ By George