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Sunday, 6 August 2006
George's Eigth Strand; Day Number 6
Now Playing: Happy Bunnies
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit

 

"The world is so full of a number of things, That I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings!" --- Robert Louis Stevenson

Maman readed that to us lastest night. She reads to us preddy much a lot which is why, she says, we are "fairly 'Tellygint rabbits". Maman told Sistah Beffy dat she hasta also read out loud to her babby so that da babby will grow up and be 'Tellygint, and Sistah Beffy agreed wif Maman that she would read to her babby alla time, which, she sed, is 'zactly whut Maman inflicted on her and her brudder, Phil, and dat whut goes around, comes around - dat in dis case, cos she was readed to assa babby, she was gonna read to her babby, too.

Beffy also sed, "Appuls don't fall far frum trees." Which is good, I fink, because it makes it a whole wot easier to spot where appuls are likely to be onna'count obba Fakt dat trees are easier to see den appuls lying onna ground.

Annyways, whut Maman readed to us was 'zactly troo: because no madder whut bad things you mite be hearing, the werld is full ob enny number ob wunnerful fings.

Wike Castles.

I know two bunnies who hab Castles ob dere berry own.

Yeah!

Issn't dat wunnerful? We're talking REEL CASTLES heer. Just wike castles dat hab kings and queens, and dooks and udder impawtant stuff inn'em.

My Cuzzin, Little Ashy, who lives inna place called SoCal has wun - his berry own Castle!

Here issa pikchur obbit, wif Little Ashy actchually inside obbit so you will know that it is his berry own Castle!

Now, not ebberybunny I know is lucky enough to have a Castle ob their berry own, but this is Little Ashy's.

And heer he is sitting in it like Sir Gwain, pacing the battlements, and as Little Ashy says, onna wookout for vampires to slay and kingdoms to rule ober benevolently, cos dis is Whut Housebunnies Do.

Well yes, bunnies do dream! And why not? We share dreams and stories wif each udder and tell tales anna Lore, and this is how once, inna Long-Ago-Wilderness, we lived through long Winter nights inna snug burrows, deep unnerground.  Dis is pawt obba Lore as it was told to me, George, by meHunny, Senior Bun before he passed over The Rainbow Bridge. 

And dat issa Lore, but now we lib as Urban Rabbits, as HouseBunnies, and now we share the stories ob our lives through blogs anna 'puter. And not ebbery life is sad. And dis is because all lives are filled wif wall-to-wall possibilities, like the possibility of being a Happy Bunny

Yeah!

Now heer is My Cuzzin, Bailey, who libs in New York Citty which is onna East Coast. And dis issa pikchur ob Bailey libbing in his berry own NOO Castle!

Yeah!

Bailey hassa Castle ob his berry own now, preddy much like Little Ashy's, hextcept that this one is onna East Coast and it belongs to Bailey, and dis is his pikchur, so you can see dat dis is also reel - a Bun in His Castle. 

Yeah! 

And Baily and Little Ashy are Happy HouseRabbits! 

So you can see, all acrosst da United States frumma West Coast, where Little Ashy libs alla way toda East Coast where Bailey libs, dere are Urban Rabbits living happily as HouseBunnies, habbin Castles and Kingdoms, Rulers ob Romaine, an' Dukes and Duchesses ob Dandelions Dominions.

Yes, and dis is not to say that ebbery bunny life is filled with purpose-built palaces and cultivated Fields of Fragrant Herbs. We all know that this isn't so. There is still too much suffering and too many homeless bunnies in the werld as it is. And if you habba home to offer to a bunny, you habba means to help change dis terrible Fakt.

But there are wunnerful tales told of Ashy van Helsing, Vampire Slayer! And brilliant stories to which to listen about brave Bailey Fire-Fighter, Rescue-Truck Driver! And there are a few stories, here and there, too, about Little George, Story-Teller-and-All-Purpose-Bunny-Bard.

And there are homes with Bunny Rooms, and PlayRooms, and rooms like Our Warren's Screen Porch that are devoted just to bunnies. There are hearts that are open, and hearts that will always be open to the love of bunnies.

For dis we are Berry Fankful.

And because ob dis dere will allus be Happy Bunnies! 

So, while our werld is not yet perfekt, it is still a werld full of wonders and delight. 

--------- By George 


Posted by Our Warren at 12:50 PM EDT
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Friday, 4 August 2006
George's Eigth Strand; Day Number 4
Now Playing: Disapproving Rabbits

Hab you ebber herd ob "Disapproving Rabbits"?

Then you know whut I mean.

If you habben't herd ob "Disapproving Rabbits" then Lemme Tell You, it's a Whole 'Nuther Bunny.

We're talking about MissyBun Hawpa heer, my gorgeous bun-wife ob Gen'rus Proporshuns - or Wun Big, Whole-lotta Disapproving Loppy-eared Houserabbit Bunny when fings don't happin to be going in hextactly her way.

Now dis is Missy onna Good Day:

 Dis wuld be whin ebberyfin is happining da way dat makes Missy a Happy Bunny.

Dis issa Good Day. 

Good fings are going on alla'round her and she is pleased wif ebberyfing and ebberybunny.

 

And down heer issa'nudder pikchur ob Missy assa Top Bun ob Our Warren:

  You can see heer dat she issa Lady Ob All Dat She Suveys.

And this wuld inklood Ebberyfing dat happins to be ebberwheres.

And dis is Fakt.

You don't argue wiffa bunny who is wooking wike Missy is wooking in dis pikchur.

Not if you hab half a brain. Dis issa pikchur obba Seriously In-Charge Rabbit.

So when you see MissyBun Hawpa, who normally wooks wike she does in dees two pikchurs, and she is suddinly wooking at you wike dis:

As she is wooking at you in dis widdle pikchur ober heer (and I can't seem to ged alla pikchurs to come out to be the same size, no madder how hard I try wif dis Blog program!)...

And you notis her bond-mate (which would be me) is wooking at you a lot like I happin to wooking wike in dis pikchur down ober heer...

Then wuld be a good time to figger out dat fings are NOT happining da way that they should be happining.

Because these are da faces of Seriously Disapproving Rabbits.

Rabbits who are Seriously Disappointed in fings as they are.

 And the sight of these disappointed and disapproving faces means that you really need to find a way to FIX STUFF!

Fast!

Because these are the faces of rabbits who have taken the measure of their treatment/environment/social or/or cultural context and found it to be substantially wanting in some fundamental aspect!

It could be that there is a diminished or unclean water/pellet or TREAT  bowl.

It could be a lack of Playtime onna Screen Porch.

There could be Catz sumwheres. (Dis issa fing dat will allus upset Missy!)

You just nebber know whut it is gonna be nextest, but you can be sure dat it is gonna be sumfing

And you know how it goes:

Wun momint you hab Happy Bunnies, anna nextest: 

Thump!

And there goes da hoomin day, shot to pieces, all onna'count obba Fakt dat you now hab Disapproving Rabbits on your hands and YOU hab to do sumfing to fix whutebber fing has caused da Disapproval inna furst place. 

Because that's da Furst Rool inna Bunny Bill ob Rites: Da Bunny Is Allus Rite. No Exceptions. 

Which means dat Missy is allus rite.

Now da Catz anna Dawg say dat dis is somehow unFair wif alla dis. But Our Warren says it is fundamentally Fair, onna'count obba Fakt dat we were heer Furst. 

Which is Troo.

Bunnies are allus Furst. 

So just be careful dat alla fings around you are going as they should - because da last fing you wanna add to your day issa Bunch ob Disapproving Rabbits.

 Hab a nice day!

--------------------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 12:11 PM EDT
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Thursday, 3 August 2006
George's Eighth Strand; Day Number 3
Now Playing: Dawg Days

 

Well, dis shuldn't be happinin, but it is.

Maman says it is nobun's fault, but dat we shuld somehow blame it onna "Dawg Days ob Summer".

But not Our Dawg. Onna'count obba Fakt dat Da Dawg didn't do ennyfing specifically, hextcept be around as he usuahlly is, onna'count ob this is whut he does.

It is Just Dawgs, in general.

Or sumfing.

So ennyways... 

Maman's 'puter died - mainly ob course onna'count ob her helping it onwards towards a more natchural kinda death by writing buks onnit (she hassa huge projeckt going dat we, Alla Us Togedder don't unnerstand, but it has to do wif a lotta stuff) - and Phil-da-Lad and his Compiny hadda order pawts for it THREE times bifore the compiny he ordered dem frum sent him a pawt dat wasn't (as he sed) "Messed up frumma get-go"

And dat made Maman get all antsy and stawt saying fings wike, "Wookit, you two (meaning Dadda and Phil, since dey is bof Engineers but dif'frunt kinds) don't get dis 'puter fixed, and I'm gonna buy myself dat noo laptop!"

And da two ob dem running around glaring. 

And den dere was Sistah Beffy going, "Yeah, Mom, you do dat!"

Onna'count obba Fakt dat Beffy is allus going to say stuff and den laff, cos she likes reactions.

And Dadda going, "Now waidaminit."

And Phil going, "Wookit, I'm not buying dat pawt, I'm buying a bedder wun and to heck wif dem!"

And Dadda still going, "Waidaminit" only nobunny was listening onna'count obba Fakt dat it is wike ahunnert degrees outside and nobunny wants to hear ennyfing ennyways. 

Which caused no end ob Argument around heer in Our Warren wif mainly ebberbunny yellin' at ebberbun else.

And dis is called Family Drama. Maman says we gots no end ob Family Drama around heer.

And so there's us bunnies sittin' atta Screen Porch Door wundering Whydaheck we can't go out inna BunPen onna Screen Porch for playtimes. Cos dis playing inna Sitting Room stinks.

Maman says dat it is Too Hot onna Screen Porch now, ebben atta Dark.

Is dis onna'count obba Fakt dat she is crabby or is dis Troo?

So we axted da Dawg, who goes out innu da Back Gardin alla time, cos apparently he hassa pootie box out dere sumwheres. 

Anna Dawg sed dat it is Wicked Hot outside whin da Sun is out.

So, I'm like, "Well, whut aboud whin da sun is down?"

Anna Dawg says, "Well, it issn't too bad whinna sun is down, but it's a wot wike trying to suck in air fru a wet baf flannel."

And Clover wrinkled up her nose and went, "Ewwww!"

And Mr Mouse sed, "Dere is no point in going out in dat."

And Beebe-Bunny!! sed, "Dat's all berry well for you to say, cos you wint in to see Law & Order wif Maman."

"Yeah," sed Mouse. "But it wassn't on. Maman sed sumfing aboud 'reruns' and back I came toda BunRoom, so dat preddy much messed dat up."

And dat's aboud whinna Fat-Cat showed up.

And he was all unhappy onna'count obba Fakt dat he couldn't go outside onna Screen Porch eidder. So he sat down beside da door and stawted complainin' about how catz, in general, are descended frum desserted annymuls and can take da heat.

And MissyBun, who hates all catz, told him dat if he was gonna keep dat biznizz up, it was no wunder dat he had bin desserted and Maman and Sistah Beffy had hadda rescue his sorry, fuzzy rear-sekshuns frumma shelter inna Furst Place.

Ebberybun has bin getting short-tempered around heer, Lemme tell you!

So Missy was paradin' backwards and forwards, wookin' for a way to grab da cat-tail dat was wavin' around just outta her reach (cos she can do dat, you know. She oncet gotta-hold ob KayCee's cat-tail, pulled it right fru da habbytat and was inna process ob pulling KayCee-Kitty on fru, too, whin Maman stopped her and her big paddle-feets!) and she was stomping onna'count obba Fakt dat she couldn't gedda grip.

And Maman was all outta sorts onna'count obba Fakt dat she was not being able to use her 'puter at all. But she was doing a lot ob reading and writing on tablit wiffa pen which were strewn all ober da houz.

And Dadda was 'noyed onna'count obba Fakt dat he and Phil was habbin' to pack up and ship back alla da not-werkin' pawts, and habbin' to share his 'puter and not being able to werk on-line wif Maman, wike they usually do, which is Togedder.

And it is was just gen'rally hot and mis'rable outside and we couldn't go for Our Warren's playtime out onna Screen Porch! 

So ebberybunny is preddy crabby, Maman says.

And it is all onna'count obba Fakt dat dees are da Dawg Days ob Summer.

Yeah!

So we're blaming it onna Dawg!

Yeah.

And, at least da catz are satisfied.

--------------- By George 


Posted by Our Warren at 8:59 AM EDT
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Saturday, 15 July 2006
George's Seventh Strand;Day Number 15
Now Playing: Our Noo Cuzzin!

 

See?

Sucker lights are infectious.

Yeah!

And at long last, we hab discovered dat they are spread byda wearing ob hats.

Auntie Grace let her daughter, Kaatie, wear wunna her hats, and Guess Whut? Kattie Rescued  Our Noo Cuzzin.

And this is her pikchur.

Auntie Grace calls dis bunny a "cow bunny" which is not quite fair, as she also usta call Our Belinda Bunny a "Cow Bunny", too, which made Belinda preddy upset.  But, then preddy much ennyfing Belinda didn't like tended to make her upset and dere were a lotta fings Belinda didn't like so she was upset preddy much all obba time, if you axt me, but Maman says dis is Normal for Inwish Spot Bunnies mainly onna'count obba Fakt dat dey are allus In Charge ob Ebberyfing.

Ennyways, dis Noo Cuzzin is diff'runt. She gives kisses, for Wun Fing, and this is important. Ebberybunny wikes bunny-kisses. (Belinda usta give Maman bunny-kisses, but only Maman. This bunny is more genny'rus.) 

Now, the Bestest Noos in alla dis, ob course, issat Anudder Bunny Has Been Rescued! And dis bunny is now gonna be a houserabbit forebber in her very own Forevery Home.

But da Udder Good Noos issat da discovery dat Sucker Lights are Infectious! Anna Discovery dat they can be transmitted from hoomin to hoomin byda wearing ob HATS as has bin prooven byda Fakt dat Kaati has nebber rescued a bunny on her own before! This wassa first time dat Kaati seed a Bunny OnAlone, dis time assa Child Photographer's Prop, and went all on her Onliest toda Rescue! And while Kaati was wearing Auntie Grace's hat, she piked up Dis Bunny and sed (wif her Sucker Light shining brightly!):

"Oh no! Dis bunny is coming home wif me!" 

 And when Kaati taked offa hat she was still saying da same fing! So now we hab discovered dat Kaati now has a Sucker Light because she was wearing Auntie Grace's HAT!

Now we know how Sucker Lights are transmitted from hoomin-to-hoomin!

We're talking hoomin-to-hat-to-hoomin transferral, folks!

Yeah!

And Dis just In: Da Bunny's Name is Desdemona, and she will be known as "Desi" - onna'count obba Fakt dat she issa Classic and she issa Moovie Star Bunny!

So there you are! You hab alla latest Noos and Infortymayshun aboudda Rescue and aboudda Sucker Lights and aboud ebberyfing... 

Oh, and I almost fortygot to add in Our Warren's Latest Noos (but it is thundering out and so I gotta post dis inna hurry!):

Our Beffy is pregnant. She's s'sposed to habba babby sumtime near da End ob January or da Beginning ob February.

And so before Maman knowed ennyfing aboudda "Transmission Obba Sucker Lights" or ebben dat dey were Infectious, Maman let Our Sista Beffy try on wunna Maman's Noo Hats... and Maman has dis very strong Sucker Light...

----------------By George
 

 


Posted by Our Warren at 2:52 PM EDT
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Monday, 10 July 2006
George's (Clover's) Seventh Strand; Day Number 10
Now Playing: Clover Tells The Truth

Maman always says, “The Truth will out.”

And this is generally true, so long as someone bothers to Tell The Truth.

Now I am going to tell you The Truth: I am not George. I am Ms Clover and I am half Inkwish Spot (See these ears?) and we always tell The Truth.

Bunnies are very honest creatures and Inkwish Spots are the most honest bunnies going.

But back to “What Maman said.”

Just listening to hoomins over my five years, I have learned that they make The Truth sound unattractive. They call it “plain” or “unvarnished”, like it is a work-in-progress that still needs to have its decorations put on. Only in Courts of Law on tellyvision shows, like Mr Mouse's Law & Order, is The Truth called Whole or Vital like it is enough in and of itself to stand up on its own hind legs. But mostly when The Truth goes out walking out on its own – and it rarely does because it is not attractive at all - it is always “ugly” or at the very most, “basic.”

I have found that Hoomins, in general, don’t like The Truth. Given a choice between The Truth and Something Else, they will take the Something Else and believe it for preference. They always seem to feel that The Truth is “naked” and needs to be dressed up before it can come out.

So it seems around here in this carefully cryptic township where only the locals can pronounce it’s name (and that’s another conceit they cherish!). They really don’t like it when there’s “simple” Truth.

Someone doesn’t answer their door when the bin-men knock in the morning.

The lady living there is known not to go out very much, and her back door is open to the screen, but the front door is shut and it’s screen is locked. The car is gone from the drive. The resident Dawg barks, but No One comes to the door.

Well, isn’t the bin-man just angry? There is stuff at the kerb he doesn’t wish to take. It’s for another bin-man to take, but never mind – he is angry and he must say something in loud tones, using words such as obviously the “stupid, crazy, uppity, foreign bitch” who lives in the house, who “pretends” she’s some kind of “royalty” and keeps “all kinds of animals in there” (oh yes, and dark mutters about the legality of that!) and “couldn’t wait for her parents to die so she could take over that house” with her “foreign husband” she married in Europe after “running off and leaving her husband and kids here”…

And yes, that’s what is said and of course it is just all eaten up with a spoon in the hair salons and post offices and little gossip shops in the unpronounceable little township because “a lie can run around the world seven times before The Truth can get its boots on.” as Terry Prachett said in one of his wonderful books sitting on the shelves in Our Sitting Room.

But there is no blame, because, after all, who can be blamed for telling what they heard?

Because who is to say? If there is no one to home, and no one to hear the somethings a bin-man might, perhaps, have said that were overheard from someone else in some shop or another, and is now complaining about over the rubbish left at the kerb for some other bin-man.

As the Dawg said, it’s enough to make you want to bite someone!

But Maman says to us, “The Truth will out.” and says nothing at all to anyone else.

But I am half Inkwish Spot (You will notice my ears, please!) and I don’t believe in lies and I always tell The Truth because it is Whut We Do!

And I think, as I sit in my habbytat and meddytate while my fur sheds – which it is doing because it does and this is not my fault! - I think that hoomins don’t spread around The Truth because it is so much more Fun to believe in Something Else.

You will notice that the Something Else always is dressed up, like that Buk the Da Vinci Code, in fancy colours and Someone Else’s Imagination so that it has lots of levers and bits.

But Maman will not tell anything she might have heard because she believes in The Truth winning out. After all, since no one answered the banging at the door when no one rang the bell and everything that said was said in a group, with words meant to be overheard but not to be blamed, so that they cannot be said to have come from This Person or That Person. So there is no blame, because, after all, the words could have come from Anyone or No One or were Never Said At All because there was No One to Hear, or Something Else.

Isn’t it always the way?

But Maman says, The Truth will out.

But I think that Hoomins love any Truth much better when it is dressed up into a story that is total Fiction - which is always Entertaining and never True - whereas The Truth often isn’t very Entertaining all on its own. Which is what makes the Something Else so attractive – it’s All Dressed Up in pretty, shiny things that catch the Wandering Attention of the "Easily Distracted".

And since it’s the "Easily Distracted" who have All the Time in the World to hang around the hair salons, post offices and little shops in this unpronounceable little township that glories in its obscurity, unpronounceable-ness and other little conceits (because it has no bigger ones of which to boast), who are attracted to the pretty, glittery Somethings Else and who grab on to them because they have so many more little moving parts and levers than the “plain” and “unvarnishedTruth.

Which is how it comes about that long after the Bin-men are gone, that a man can walk into a little shop and how a Woman (because she can’t be a Lady!) can ask him if he is the man who married “that woman” and call her by a name not her own, and describe “that woman” as the “woman” who “ran away and left her family” so she could “find 'true' romance in Inkland”.

And how that Woman (Because no Lady would ask such a question!) came to be so shocked and surprised when that man informed her that it was none of her business to ask such questions!

And that’s how that Woman (Who couldn’t possibly be a Lady!) went back behind her counter and came to say very loudly that Our Dadda was a Very Rude Man, which just demonstrates her belief in compounded Somethings Else that are not The Truth. The Truth is that Dadda is a Gentleman who does not deal in Gossip and adheres strongly to The Truth and that he has The Right to defend his Lady, who is Our Maman.

As for that Woman, well, no Lady (in the true sense of the word) trades in Gossip, after all.

And so she continues to believe in Something Else.

As does the Bin-man, when The Other Bin-man came ‘round directly and collected all the rubbish of which the first one complained.

Because The Truth is all too Easy for some hoomins, so it must be wrong.

And this is another hoomin conceit, like the others that govern this bitter little township, that: anything Convoluted is Intellectually superior to that which is Simple and straightforward.

And it is a conceit that infects schools and universities, and has found its way into the popular imagination. The conceit states: “if something seems too simple and direct, it must be wrong”. Better to go by the difficult, demanding, more impossible road than to take the broad and straight way to the Top of the Mountain. Believing the Convoluted Lie makes some hoomins believe they appear intellectually superior to others. Ask any conspiracy theorist; they express pity for the inferior mass of mortals who think they are alarmist idiots.

Rabbits are not such dumb bunnies that we believe this drivel (You do notice my Inkwish Spot ears!)

Life is not easy for a prey animal so there is no need to make it more difficult than it is already. If something seems easy, then go by that way – unless there is a clear, visible danger. Take the easiest, most direct path available. If there is a rock in the way, go around it: why incur extra digging? Is there a tree on the path? Make a burrow in its roots, and thank God that it is there!

But make no mistake: there is no mystery to be made of the origins the Tree in the Path. A tree has grown up and so a burrow is dug. There is no Lore in this. Where the True Lore lies is in the preservation of the memory of Those Who Came Before, who dug that Burrow Beneath the Tree On the Pathway, and made A Haven where Some Were Given Shelter.

There are True Mysteries in Life without having to create them out of a fabric of lies. The Truth in its plain, unvarnished state is fantastic in itself. The Truth is beautiful. Finding it is Interesting. It is The Journey that is amazing.

And All Bunnies, especially those of us who are Inkwish Spot Bunnies, (note the ears, please!), understand this.

---------------------By Clover



Posted by Our Warren at 2:21 PM EDT
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Saturday, 8 July 2006
George's Seventh Strand: Day Number 8
Now Playing: Nuffin' Going On 'Round Heer

Rabbits do not grow old, they just grow ‘Tellygint.

This is whut me,Hunny told me a long time ago, when he wassa Top Bun and I wassa berry small Youngbun who was Newly Arrived at Our Warren.

And ebber since he telled me dis I have deddykated my whole life to growing ’Tellygint so that I can someday become like me,Hunny, who wassa Most ‘Tellygint Housebunny I Hab Ebber Knowed.

So da Udder Day, Mr Mouse waked uppa Whole Houz by *THUMPING* rilly LOUD.

Now I hab to ’Splain sumfing to you:

All bunnies can *THUMP* and they usually do it to warn udder bunnies dat dere is Danger.

And usually da bigger da bunny, da bigger da bunny feets and da LOUDER da bunny can *Thump*.

Now if dis was Entirely Troo, I, George, would be da Loudest Boy-Bun Thumper Inna Warren. Onna’count obba Fakt dat I amma biggest Boy-Bunny in Our Warren and hab da Biggest Bunny Feets.

Howebber…

I lib inna same habbytat wif MissyBun Hawpa, a Gurl-bun ob Genny’rous Proporshuns. (In udder words, One BIG Bunny-Gurl! Yeah!) And whin dis chick is lying down, she can soak uppa lotta vibrations, which kinda puts a damper on my Thumper LOUDNESS Faktor.

And Beebe-Bunny!! libs wif Ms Clover (formerly ob Da Herd) who is also a Gurl-bun ob Genny-rous Proporshuns (or anudder one ob those BIG Bunny-Gurls! Lemme tell you!) Which also puts a damper on Beebe’s Thumper LOUDNESS Faktor, onna’count obba Fakt dat her reclining inna same habbytat as him soaks uppa lotta Thump-vibrations.

Soda upshot ob alla dis issat neither Beebe-Bunny!! nor I (George) can *THUMP* as Loudly as we rilly can onna’count obba Fakt dat we hab Natchural Handycaps inna persons ob our Wifebunnies.

In Fakt if my Missus, MissyBun or Ms Clover takes it innu dere heds to *THUMP*, then Beebe and I end up flying up-inna-air frumma sheer force obba Thumps.

Cos bof Missy and Clover hab paddle-feets and when they slam those paddlefeets down, you’ll see eidder Beebe or me go sialing up-inna-air and den come down wiffa *bang* - which is NO FUN!, lemme tell you!

But Mr Mouse issa Bachelor Bunny and libs on his own in his Berry Own Habbytat inna Bun Room.

Here issa pikchur ob his habbytat when the Bun Room was Noo and we had just Moobed In, before there were enny toys or Fings. And dis udder pikchur is ob Our Habbytats also when They Were Noo before we got alla our crocks, wadder bowls, Toys and Fings like we hab Now. (Maman says dat we hab far too menny Fings and dat we rilly need to do a “Clean Out” one ob dees days. But she is allus saying dat.)

But because Mr Mouse lives in His Own Habbytat, dere is no udder bunny to soak up enny ob his *THUMP*-vibrayshuns. So when he *Thumps*, he can *THUMP!* and make it Stick.

Which is how he can wake uppa Whole Houz like he did da Udder Day.

So it was wike about Sbben O’Clock, and Mr Mouse is wike, “Where are dey?”

And I’m wike, “Where’s who?”

And Mr Mouse is wike, “Maman and Dadda. Dey are usually awake and outta da BedRoom by now.”

And da Sun is shining in through the Our Warren Memorial Window and MissyBun and I are habbing some hay left ober frum Last Nite, and I’m thinking to myself dat Mr Mouse is right – Maman and Dadda shuld be awake and feeding us by now.

And frum Uppastairs inna Study, I can hear Da Catz protesting dat da Door is shut and dat dey want to come down and go out onna Screen Porch, which is where they usually go inna Morning so dat dey can watch da Birds and pretend dat dey are Fierce, Wild, Hungree Catz instead obba Couple ob Lazy, Couch-potato, Hungree Catz.

And I realised dat Da Dawg was missing.

So I sed to Mouse, “Whut’s happened to Da Dawg?”

And Mouse sed, “I dunno, but da Sun is shining and dere’s Nuffin Going On Around Heer and dere Shuld Be.”

And MissyBun is wike, “So whuttaheck are you gonna do aboudda'Fakt dat dere isNuffin Going On?”

And Clover is wike, “Well, whutebber you do abouddit, make shure dat we ged sum treats outta it. I’ve had just aboud alla hay and pellets dat I kin take for One Morning.”

And she snorted which is Clover’s way ob saying dat she’s getting ‘nnoyed wif fings. And since Clover is at least half Inkwish Spot it issn’t wise to let her get too ‘nnoyed wif fings.

So Mouse settles himself down inna corner ob his habbytat and says, “Watch dis.”

And he lets go wif a good, solid *THUMP* that rattles his wadder crock and toys and ebberyfing.

And den he lets go wif anudder.

And anudder.

And we can hear Da Dawg inna Bed Room and he’s wike, “Whuttaheck?”

So Mouse lets go wiffa’nudder *THUMP* that preddy much rattles da Our Warren Memorial Winder.

And den I hear Maman’s voice and she’s wike, “Brian! Brian! Wake up! There’s something the matter with the bunnies!”

And Mouse gibs an’udder, rilly good *THUMP!*

And Missy is wike, “Ouick! Ebberybun lie down! Stretch out dose feets!”

So Clover and Missy lie down and stretch out, and Beebe runs ober toda pellet-crock and grabs a mouf-full ob pellets and starts chewing. And I grab a strand ob hay and start chewing on dat.

And Mr Mouse gibs one more, habbytat-rattling *THUMP* and settles down.

And here comes Maman wif her slippers flapping, and she's pulling on her bafrobe, and her hair's all ober da place. Anna Dawg is bouncing along b’side her, getting in her way, and Dadda’s coming along behind her in his bare feets, pulling on his bloo bafrobe and trying to get it tied as he goes.

Anna Dawg bounces innu da Bun Room and starts snuffling at our Habbytats and Maman follows in afta him and starts yelling at him to “Stop it, Marc!” atta same time as Dadda’s trying to getta look in and axting us, “Whuttsamatta, bunnies?”

So Maman goes right on through Da Bun Room, opins da Door Toda Back Gardin and pushes Da Dawg outta Door. Den she turns and wooks at us. And Dadda is standing inna doorway, wooking at us.

And Dadda says, “Whuttaheck issa matter wif you bunnies?”

And Missy is lounging and Clover is lounging; and Beebe and I are eating and Mr Mouse is just sitting there with his ears pointed forward.

And Maman is like, “There’s nothing going on!”

And Dadda comes and looks at Alla Us Togedder one-atta-time, and he axts,

“All right. Who was *Thumping*?”

Like we’re going to jump right up and answer that one.

And Dadda says to Maman, “Everybun looks all right. Nobun looks sick or in any kind of distress. Look at Missy.”

“She couldn’t be more relaxed.” Says Maman. “Look at Clover.”

And Clover waggles her ears and looks meaningfully at her treat-bowl.

“She just wants raisins.” Says Dadda.

“She always wants raisins.” Says Maman. “But she wasn’t the one who *thumped*. If Clover *thumps*, Beebe ends up in a heap, and he’s standing over there, eating pellets like nothing’s happened.”

And Beebe looks up wif his mouf full and says, “Yo?”

“And it wasn’t George or Missy who *thumped,*” says Dadda. “So that leaves Mouse.”

And Mouse just sits there and looks Dadda right inna eyeball.

And Maman just throws up her hands and walks fru da Bun Room innu da Kitchin and she says as she’s going fru,

“I don’t get it. What was all the *thumping* about? It’s seven o’clock in the morning and there’s nothing wrong. I just don’t get it!”

But we do.

It’s sebben o’clock inna morning and dere's Nuffin' Going On 'Round Heer!

---------------------------- By George





Posted by Our Warren at 12:54 PM EDT
Tuesday, 4 July 2006
George's Seventh Strand: Day Number 4
Now Playing: HOPPY BIRFDAY TO US!

Once upon a time when the day called “the 4th of July” rolled around, many years ago when Our Warren's me,Hunny was a relatively young-bun of five, the person me,Hunny decided was called "Our Maman" came into the "kitchin" and declared:

"Today is Tristan's Birthday!"

Now Tristan was the Ancient Dog of Our Warren and he was a Basset Hound with short, thick legs, long, droopy ears, and very dark, soulful eyes.

He had been the Very First to be adopted into Our Warren long years before, when Sistah Beffy was a little girl and Phil-da-Lad was still no more than a baby. So he had lived at Our Warren for a very long time, much longer than either Heatherington, the black-and-white Dutch Bunny, or me,Hunny who was a Tri-coloured miniLop.

And me,Hunny asked the Ancient Dog, who was 12 years old back then (which was in 1997), "Whut's a
'birfday'?"

"It's sumfing you hab written on your 'doption papers." sighed Tristan. Basset Hounds usually sigh when they are questioned by rabbits.

"But I don't hab enny 'doption papers." said me,Hunny, doubtfully. "The Maman-wady just taked me frumma 'Horrible Man' afta she threw dose 'munny'-paper fings at him. She was too mad to axt him for enny 'doption papers, I guess. So I s'spose I don't habba 'birfday'."

And the Ancient Dog lifted his large, broad head and appeared to think.

"Well," he said after a few minutes. "Ebberybunny is supposed to habba Birfday, I fink. It is kind of, sort of your own ‘peshul Day Obba Year. You are s’sposed to get treats."

"Well, we bunnies allus get treats, wike grapes and raisins and sometimes a slice ob ‘nanner - just wike you get dose Milk-Bone Dawg-Biscuits ebbery nite. But I don’t habba ‘peshul Day Obba Year, I don’t fink." Replied me,Hunny, his Loppy ears drooping even more. “Mebbe I’m not ‘peshul cos I hab no ‘doption papers.”

"If it makes you feel enny bedder," Piped up Heatherington, the black and white Dutch bunny who lived in the habitat next door to me,Hunny. “*I* don't hab no 'Birfday' eidder. Pet shops don't gib out 'doption papers wif bunnies and dat’s where Maman found me - sittin’ inna horribul widdle tank surrounded by cedar shavings, gasping for air!"

“Mebbe Birfdays are just Wun More Fing dat bunnies don’t seem to hab.” Said me,Hunny, sadly. “So few good homes, so few nice hoomins, and no birfdays, eidder.”

And the Ancient Dog was quiet for another extended period, which the two bunnies took to mean that he was once again engaged in what passed for "Deep Thought" in Basset Hound Dogs.

And then Tristan said, "Well, hokay. I amma Big Dog wiffa Lotta Birfdays behind me, so I guess dat means dat I hab lots obb'em to share. So frum now on, when I habba Birfday - which is allus onna 4th ob Jooly - ebberybunny in Our Warren will also habba Birfday. Howzzat, Bunnyrabbits? We will all share One Birfday in Our Warren."

So, from then on, everybun in Our Warren - bunnies, kitties and the Ancient Dog - all celebrated the 4th of July as their very own Birfday, with special treats and a pawtee and lots of extra hugs and pats "alla'round."

Tristan, The Ancient Dog, (who was, indeed, a Basset Hound) left for the Rainbow Bridge in 2003 at the advanced age of 18 years old; Heatherington, the feisty black-and-white Dutch bunny began his journey to the Rainbow Bridge in 2000 at the age of 9. And me,Hunny, the Tricolour miniLop, the *SeniorBun* of Our Warren saw Thirteen-and-a-Half Birfdays before he also left us to follow down the road that leads to the Rainbow Bridge, in 2005.

But we still celebrate everybun's "Birfday" on July 4th - every bunny, kitty and Dawg who has ever come to share their lives with us at Our Warren.

And when we got the 'doption papers for Zachary-Marcus, Border-Collie, didn't we just find listed under "birthday:" - yes, exactly! - "4th of July"!

So it's a very, special, lucky day here in Our Warren - and all because Tristan, the Ancient Dog began the tradition with "lots to share."

---------------- Hoppy Birfday to Ebberybun in Our Warren!




Posted by Our Warren at 2:53 PM EDT
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Monday, 3 July 2006
George's Seventh Strand: Day Number 3
Now Playing: Fireworks!

Hullo again!

Furst, I wanna wish Ebberybunny a berry Hoppy and Safe HOLLYDAY!

Yeah!

Hoppy 4th of July!

May your day be filled with thoughts ob freedom, accomplishment, quiet pride, generosity, and lots ob respect for ebberywun you know!

And please bemember alla Our Young Hoomins who are serving inna Armed Services all ober da Werld, tomorrow, too! Please be proud ob dem, and if you see wun in unnyform, go up to dem, shake dere hand and Fank Dem For Serving!

Don’t go all stoopit weepy on’em, just Fank dem. Onna’count obba Fakt dat dey are following inna Tradition Obba Continental Army by volunteering for dooty.

Sekond I wanna wish Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren a Bunderful Hoppy Birfday! tomorrow, too!

Hoppy Birfday to Us!

And onna’count obba Fakt it is going to be Our Birfday I habba ‘speshually alreddy-typed-up blog entry to stick in for tomorrow so I don’t gotta write it on my Birfday. I’ll just stick it in and post it tomorrow, hokay?

Great!

Third I wanna mention da whoebber is setting off dose BIG, LOUD Firecrackers dat are shaking dis Houz and skerring Maman, and worrying Da Dawg are rilly a whole bunch ob selfish, stoopit JERKS!

Don’t they know it is against da ROOLZ to hab firecrackers?
Don’t they know dat it is DANGEROUS to be playing wif firecrackers?
Don’t they know how SELFISH it is to go boddering ebberybunny else just to make a lotta noise?

Our Maman is sik wiffa Migraine and she hasta take meddysin tiday. She was trying to sleep, ‘cept dat ebbery thirty minits or so, dere wuld be dis horrible, Big, Huge – BANG! - like sumbunny exploding da Houz, anna Dawg wuld bark, anna Catz wuld skerry and Alla Us Togedder wuld - THUMP! -
And Maman’s hed wuld just hurt worse and worse.

Now I fink it is just TOO BAD when sum hoomins fink dey are bedder denna ROOLS. Dey fink datta “Democracy” means dat dey ONLY hab to follow da ROOLS dat dey wants, wike when it comes to firecrackers.

Just because they want fireworks, they go and get fireworks, ebben though fireworks are against the ROOLZ in Noo Joisey.

These hoomins fink dey are bedder denna ROOLZ.

Well, Maman says that they don’t have to live in Noo Joisey, eidder. If they want fireworks so much then they should leave heer and go live swumwhere’s else where fireworks are legal.

“Democracy” Maman says, is about having “free choice” and dat includes da “free choice” to go lib sumwhere udder hoomins fink alike, not in making ebberybunny fink da same as one hoomin.

Besides, dere is gonna be a Free Fireworks Show put on for ebberybunny atta skool accrost da street tomorry night. It’s going to be paid for byda Township put on by REAL professional pyrotechnical engineering hoomins (and not sum Jerk wiffa ciggyret) anna Free Fireworks Show is gonna feature da kind of fireworks only REAL professionals can buy – bigger, and much bedder den da widdle firecrackers dis local JERK is using to torment the Neighbourhood, werry Da Dawg, upset da Catz, make Maman’s hed hurt and make Us – Thump!.

And lemme tell you, if Maman culd figger out which houz da Selfish JERK libbed in, she’d calla Police. Inna heartbeat So they could arrest dat person for ignoring Da ROOLZ.

(Anna person finks dey are SO SMART, too, by setting offa big bangs about thirty minits apart, so nobun can figgerout where dat houz is! If he keeps bodderin da neighbourhood, sumbun will take da time and trubble to hunt da JERK'S Houz down.)

Almost invariably, Dadda says, JERKS wike dat are habbin’ pawtees, wif lots of noise, beer, lines ob cars, beer, grill-smoke, and beer. The kinds of hoomins who leeb cans behind in your gutter afta they’ve climbed outta it.

So mebbe dis JERK can ged arrested, and taken down toda station, and den hab to pay a fine and help make nextest year's 4th ob July Free Fireworks Show atta skool ebben bedder!

------------------ By George

Posted by Our Warren at 7:00 PM EDT
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Saturday, 1 July 2006
George's Seventh Strand: Day Number One
Now Playing: Obsessions


And I’m back.

So tiday Cokie-da-Fat comes Downnastairs and complains to Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren,

Da Dawg libs.”

And I’m wike, “And, um, dis is noo, hextactly, how? Da Dawg has bin libbin’ heer ever since we moobed in.”

And Cokie says, “Hextactly. And he’s still libbin’ heer, which issa Effruntery To Catz!”

And Clover pipes up and says, “Yeah, and Dadda just told you to ‘Ged ober it’ again, just wike he did yestidday whin you sedda same fing. So whut else is noo, Cat?”

And Cokie just glared at Clover and wint on out onna Screen Porch to tell Beep-da-Udder-Cat to “moob it, Sistah” becos she was sitting in “his” sunbeam. Whut Beep told him is not fit to be printed in dis Blog. But she moobed it, ennyways, onna’count obba Fakt dat Cokie was in his normal Morning Bad Mood, which is preddy normal, considering he issa Cat.

So denna Dawg came fundering Downnastairs and he’s all happy-stoopit, mainly onna’count obba Fakt dat he issa Border-Collie-Wif-Sumfing-to-Do. Gib dees guys a Job and dey are happy-for-Life, I fink.

“Dadda and I are gonna werk inna Gardin!” he woofs, standing atta Back Door, wif his butt wiggling, he’s so happy.

Which just goes to show you how little it takes to make a Border-Collie even stoopiter than they are alreddy.

And den Maman comes Downnastairs frumma Study and she’s gotta buk and a bottle of stinky stuff dat’s for her fingernails.

Now you gotta unnerstand dat Maman has dis fing about her fingernails. Alla her life, she says, she had “Ugly Fingernails” onna’count obba Fakt dat she played da ’sello (big fing wif strings onnit dat libs inna Lounge-Where-We-Do-Not-Go) and now dat she can’t play, her fingernails don’t grow rite. So she takes dem to a Groomer to be made nice. She says dis is her “One fashion indulgence.” and she and Auntie Grace talk abouddit onna tellyphone sumtimes, onna’count obba Fakt dat Auntie Grace has dis fing aboud her fingernails, too.

But dis last Groomer where Maman went to hab her fingernails made nice, didn’t do a good job, and now Maman has these bottles of Stinky Stuff to take her nails off. She says it will be a “Long Process” and a “Smelly Process” and she’s whining aboud “Alla Time” it is going to take.

And she ebben had Dadda go to sum kinda store to buy these speshul bottles of Stinky Stuff for her to take off the nails the Groomer had done for her.

So Maman comes Downnastairs frumma Study and she looks around the Bun Room where I’m sitting heer, cleaning my toes.

And she takes a wook at me and she says, “George Bunny, you are obsessed with your Toes!”

And put down my foot and sit there, and I’m wike, “Whuttaheck?”

And she’s standing there in her Bafrobe, wif her bottles of Stinky Stuff and her Buk, and her hair wrapped up inna striped towel wif her Flippy-flops on.

So she puts alla her stuff down onna Washing Machine inna corner byda Back Door toda Gardin and she comes over and starts wooking at MY FEETS!

And den she goes ober to Clover and Beebe’s and starts wooking at THEIR FEETS!

And afta that she goes and hassa wook at Mouse’s FEETS!

So we’re ALL inna UPROAR!

All onna’count obba Fakt dat NOBUNNY is s’sposed to be wooking atta Bunny's Feets except DA BUNNY DA FEETS BELONGS TO!

And den Maman says, “You guys.”

And she shakes her hed (which is wrapped up inna pastel-stripped towel!).

“You all need your nails trimmed.”

And MissyBun is wike, “Oh NO Wady! Pull da udder one, it has bells on! MY nails, I’ll trim’em, Fank Yoo!

And she follows dat up wiffa rilly big, Missy-sized THUMP which makes me fly up-inna-air and land down again.

I wish she wouldn’t do that!

Then Clover starts to shiver, onna’count obba Fakt dat she doesn’t wike to be piked Up.

And Beebe start strutting, onna’count obba Fakt that he issa Nethy Dwarf and Nutz, and he finks sumbun is alreddy “Messing Wif His Wommin” and he’s gonna Defend Her.

And dat’s Beebe’s Widdle Fantasy which we let him hab onna’count obba Fakt dat we can’t ged him to Ged Ober It.

And Mouse is sitting inna corner wif his butt against da side obba Habbytat, just basically grunting and daring Maman to come and get him for a nail trim. Becos he knows she’ll send Dadda (who is currently Out Inna Gardin riding onna Tractor and yelling atta Dawg to “Ger’outta it!” – whutebber dat means. I fink it means Da Dawg is somehow behaving daft and/or stoopit - no s’sprise there. But since Dadda currently sounds angry, I’m not gonna axt too menny Questions ebben whin he comes back inna Houz.)

Den Maman blinks a second or two and hassa widdle fink and says, “Wookit, I’ll do my nails furst. Then we’ll worry about bunny-nails. Howzzat?”

And becos we know dat Maman hassa rilly bad short-term memory, we just sit there and appear not to listen.

So she goes out onna Screen Porch wiffa Catz and her bottles of smelly stuff and her Buks.

And just for da Rekord, I am NOT “obsessed” wif my TOES!

----------------- By George (now returning to cleaning MY toes!)



Posted by Our Warren at 11:28 AM EDT
Friday, 30 June 2006
George's Sixth Strand: Day Number 30
Now Playing: Pollyticks!
So the flood wadders are receeding, the Pond In the Back Gardin is getting smaller and Maman says we heer at Our Warren hab dodged anudder “bullit”.

All we need now, Maman says, if for Our Phil's new company www.CustomByGeek.com (just type dat innu your browser onna'count obba Fakt dat we can't seem to ged Tripod to insert a link to it heer - and den order a CustomByGeek computer, hokay? Fanks.) to get growing and for Our Sistah Beffy to ged married before she hassa Kit, and for Maman to sell “dis (_insert-bad-werd-heer_) buk and den anudder wun so dere’s nun ob dis talk aboudda ‘Wun-Hit-Wunder’ biznizz ebber again.” – whutebber dat means. Wif Our Maman, you nebber know.

And so dis morning, Beep-the-Udder-Cat came Downnastairs and told us dat Maman was fretting again.

“She was talking ‘Pollyticks’ wif Dadda.” Beep sed. “Sumfing aboudda ‘Buy-Lekshuns’ in Inkwand and how da Stoopit Conserbatib Pawtee should just stop acting like a bunch ob Constipated Owd Wimmins, and ‘lect someone who is not a impotent compromise candidate to stand for Da ‘Lekshun. She sed dey shuld just Go Bold, Go Boris and 'leckt sum guy named Boris Johnson and ged it ober wif .”

And I axted Beep, “And dat effects us, how?”

And Beep sed, “Dunno. I nebber herd ob dis guy ‘til now. But Maman wikes him and Dadda seems to fink he’s hokay, too. Seems dis guy sed dat sum guy named Tony Blair is gonna hab to be winkled outta sumplace called ‘Number 10’ wiffa flamethrower, which doesn’t sound too good for him, but you know how it is wif Pollyticks.”

And I sed I didn’t but I didn’t rilly care to find out. Bunnies don’t go in for dat "Pollyticks" stuff too much onna'count obba Fakt dat dere is no "pollyticks" going on heer. Much.

Howebber, ennyfing dat effeks Maman ends up effecting Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren wun way or anudder.

So byda time Maman and Dadda comed Downnastairs, dey was talking flood control and Maman sed dat sum Gubbernor was gonna build a LeeVee onna Delaware River and dat ebberyfing was just "Pollyticks" ennyways, wun way or anudder.

And dat’s when Dadda sed he was gonna build sumfing to stop us frum habbing Our Pond Inna Back Gardin.

And right away, MissyBun raises her ears and is wike, “Whut?”

And Dadda says, “Well, furst, I hire a digger frum ‘Home Depot’…”

And right away, I get this “uh oh” sort of feeling dat I get whenebber sumbun mentions “Home Depot”.

This is mainly onna’count obba Fakt dat “Home Depot” issa place where Dadda and Phil go when they are planning to do sumfing rilly BIG, dat dey usually say will be “No Problem” dat ends up being a whole wot more Trubble den it is worf. Dis is also da place where Maman is no longer allowed to go onna’count obba Fakt dat all she does is confoozle alla peoples around her. Our Belinda Bunny ebben blogged aboud Maman going to Home Depot, it got so bad. So Maman doesn’t go dere ennymore unless Dadda or Phil goes wif her to keep da confoozlemint to a bare minnymum.

So “Home Depot” is notta werd we take lightly heer at Our Warren. It is worse den “Pollyticks.”

So Dadda says to Maman dat he needs to go to Home Depot to “rent a digger to dig a trench inna Back Gardin, and then put stones into the bottom of the trench, cover the stones with Architect’s Cloth, then cover that with dirt, and cover the whole trench with top soil and pooties then grass-seed. Of course, this will be after we install the Noo Fence.”

And Maman is standing there inna Kitchin wearing her “Whuttaheck?” look on her face.

And she says, “Whut Noo Fence? That comes bifor the drain to carry off the excess flood water?”

And Dadda axts her, “Weren’t you listening?”

And Maman says, “I must hab missed sumfing. Start at the beginning and go ‘round again so I can try to grab on.” (Which is her way ob saying “Pull da udder wun, Sweetie…” Whin she is wookin’ ober the top ob her glasses, dis is not da time to mess wif Maman.)

So Dadda, ignoring all signs ob danger, plunges in again. Our Dadda issa Brave Man (which is why he married Maman inna Furst Place. Nobun takes on Our Warren lightly, mind you.)

And Dadda says, “Furst we get the Noo Fence that you and I agreed on. If you want, it can be just at the Back of the Gardin.”

And Maman innerrupts wif her famous, “Why?”

And Dadda, who didn’t see dat coming axts, “Why, whut?”

“Why do we get the Noo Fence, furst?” axts Maman patiently. “Why not just start digging the trench?”

And Dadda says, “Onna’count obba Fakt dat we need to ‘stablish the property line wiffa fence so we don’t go digging inna wrong place.”

And Maman says, “But isn’t the Old Fence onna property line?”

And Dadda says, “Hanged if I know. Your Father had that fence put up in 1954. It was your Father we’re talking about here. Heaven knows if he looked for the property line back then.”

And Maman nodded. “He probably had no clue. Hokay, so you wanna know whereda Property Line is.”

Somehow, Maman can gib a fing Conversational Italics wiffoud trying. So now it wassa fing: Da Property Line instead ob justa “property line”.

And she sed, “I gotta survey ob Da Property Uppastairs inna files somewheres.”

And Dadda sed, “Dear, we don’t need an Archeological Excavation. Getting the Noo Fence along the back will do. And it will provide a solid base against which to fix the back wall obba Trench.”

And Maman wooked ober her glasses again and sed, “Whut?”

And Dadda sed, “A solid base against which to fix the back wall obba Trench.”

Dadda is also no mean hand at gibbin proper names to fings.

And Maman sed, “Whut ‘Trench’?”

And Dadda sed, “The Trench that has to be dug to be filled with stones, covered in earth, and becomes The Drain for The Gardin so we don’t have floods. “

And Maman narrowed up her eyes and axted him, “Are you losing your temper? Because if you’re losing your temper we’re not having this conversation and I’m going to go pet bunnies.”

And Dadda sed, “I am Not losing my temper!”

And den he sed it again, in a calmer voice, “I am not losing my temper. I’m just saying that we need to have the Noo Fence put in before we rent the minature JCB from Home Depot to dig the trench to make the Drain to keep the Back Gardin from flooding - and possibly leaking innu Da Basement.”

And Maman, who is by now halfway innu da Bun Room, stops and turns around and wooks at Dadda.

“Who sed ennyfing aboudda ‘Basement'?” She axted.

And Dadda sed, “Well, dat’s da Logical Conclusion isn’t it? If we hab some very heavy rains, and Da Pond gets too big, it will flood innu Da Basement. Which is why we need to dig Da Trench as soon as possible, before there’s anudder Flood.”

And Maman didn’t say ennyfing for a minit. She just carried on innu da Bun Room and stuck her hed innu Mouse’s habbytat and sed,

“How’s my, Mouscus?”

And Mouse growled, “Watchit, Wady.”

So Maman petted him and called him “Soft”, which he hates, becos Mouse believes dat he issa Berry Large, Imposing Rabbit ob Diggity and Respect. Ob course dis is berry hard to maintain whin you are, in reality a small, non-threatening, three-pound Netherlands Dwarf bunny, but you hab to gib Mouse points for trying.

And den Maman pulled her hed outta Mouse's Habbytat, and wooked at Dadda and sed,

“So lemme get this straight: we needa Noo Fence and then we need to rent a digger to dig a trench, which we will then fill with stones, which will then be covered – in succession – with some kind of special cloth to keep dirt out, dirt, top-soil, pooties, and grass-seed, which will then but an end to the Pond In the Back Gardin. Am I right?”

And Dadda sed, “More or less.”

And Maman walked outta da Bun Room and fru da Kitchin, past Dadda, and sed,

“Inna werds ob George-Bunny…’Whoa!’


-----------------------By George



Posted by Our Warren at 11:07 AM EDT
Updated: Friday, 30 June 2006 2:18 PM EDT
Thursday, 29 June 2006
George's Sixth Strand: Day Number 29
Now Playing: Summer Rain - I Dunno, but Maman hassa "45" obbit.
Well, it is Officially Flooding.

At least that’s whut Maman sed that there issa Flood on, so that makes it ’Fishul.

The Pond at the Bottom of the Gardin is back, and Maman has put gallon-jugs’o’wadder unnerneath of ebberybunnies’ Habbytats onna’count obba Fakt that the Wadder Depawtmint is ’Fishuly Flooded and we hab to conserve wadder and Might Hab To Do Wiffout If Fings Get Worser! You see, Maman and Dadda have been watching the Nooz onna Tellyvishion, where there are Dire Repawts and Menny Upset Hoomins.

Yeah!

However, there is Nothing Going On Around Heer so you gotta wonder, if you are a Bunny, just whuttahack alla dis ‘Fishul Flood Stuff is rilly alla’bout.

So Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren crammed innu the Sitting Room last nite, wif Maman and Dadda, to watch the Nooz and try and Figger Out "Whut Is Happening."

Well, we saw Sum Guy. He seemed preedy nice. Hadda nice soot on, Mouse sed. Not as nice assa soot da guy frum Law & Order has, but preddy nice alla same. He was preddy calm and he sed there was gonna be “Team Coverage” obba “Flood.”

And MissyBun sed, “Dis is gonna be good.”

So we watched a lotta Film ob people standing inna Dark by wadder and a lotta Film ob da Delaware River flowing past. And it was Berry Good Film mostly shot frum hellykopters, I fink, because alotta it was taken frum way up high, or else frum way down low by sum person on their hands-and-knees, looking atta kerbs and corners ob rooms full ob wadder.

Which makes it berry hard to tell whuttaheck is rilly going on.

Because rivers are supposed to run past places and alotta corners comes wif wadder alreddy in them.

But the Delaware River did look berry brown and berry wide and wike it was flowing past preddy fast, which is whut happins, Maman says, when it rains rilly hard up North and alla wadder rushes down.

And den da River tends to flood in certain places, like on The Island in the Citty.

Which is Not Near To Our Warren.

But which is Near toda Wadder Plant and one obba RailRoad Stations, and one obba major highways dat goes in-and-out obba Citty.

And as Maman Observed, “Proximity to a River was desirable to colonial settlers because it facilitated communication and trade, leading to the foundation of cities upon the major rivers that drained the Eastern Coast of the United States – like Trenton and Philadelphia were founded along the banks of the Delaware and Schulykill Rivers, respectively. Of course the obvious disadvantage to settlement along a major waterway is that the river may, occasionally, flood. Now ain’t that a co-inky-dink! But when you’re a colonist, you weighs your options and takes your chances - and, having accepted the risk, if you get caught out, you grab a shovel and rebuild - because the motherland isn't going to send you any support. In Post-modern America, however, people build their McMansion in a flood-plain and when the water arrives, they scream bloody hell to the government to bail them out. Stoopit, stoopit stoopit.”

She rilly does talk like dis! And it bodders Dadda onna'count obba Fakt dat he is not one ob her Students.

So Dadda replied, “Wookit, dis is why we gave you lot your Colonies back in the first place.”

And Maman sed, “We took them away. There was a War, remember?”

And Dadda sed, “Yes, but we weren’t very serious about it, or we would have won it.”

Which issa same conversation that they have every year around This Very Same Time.

And then One of Maman’s "Wedder Guys" came on (and Mouse sed he also hadda berry nice soot) and sed that the Nooz was bad but not as bad as before, and that the Rivers would still flood but not as high as ebberybunny had sed inna beginning.

So that was The Channel 17 Nooz at Ten Powered By NBC10 whutever that means.

But Maman is whut you call a NoozJunkie so we hadda wait while she pushed sum buttons onna stick-fing dat Da Dawg says is called a “re-mote”.

And heer’s dis Udder Guy and isn’t he just all Hextcited aboutta flood.

Lemme tell you.

I mean dis Udder Guy (And Mouse sed his soot wasn’t nearly as nice assa soots he’s seen on Law & Order) was rilly hextcited! His eyes was almost coming rite outta da tellyvishin!

And Maman is wike, “Whuttaheck?”

And Dadda sed, “Mebbe he’s watching sum udder flood.”

But no, it’s da same Flood, only wif more Film.

So we get to see a whole lotta film ob corners and kerbs and high shots and low shots and this station’s Wedder Guy comes on and shouts, “Things will be worse before they get bedder!”

And he’s saying that there will be more storms that might make fings much, much worser by dis aftanoon and we will all hab to watch da sky berry carefully!

And Maman says, “Dey wuld be bedda off watchin’ da River.”

And Dadda is wike, “Why don’t dey dredge da River so it holds more?”

And Maman waffs and says data people who lib down byda River aren’t rich, so no one in Joisey is gonna pay to dig out da River, but dat since it’s on alla da Nooz stations, she’s sure da Mayor will whine toda Gubbernor who will whine toda Congressman who will whine toda Pressydint, who will whine toda taxpayers who are da People Who Lib By Da River, who can’t afford to pay to dig outta River ennyways. And dat way, ebberywun will hab done their dooty and ensured that nothing will be resolved.

She says dis is Democracy In Action.

And Dadda sed, “You nebber should hab left da Monarchy.”

And Maman sed, “At least we avoided Tony Blair.”

And Dadda sed, “You hab a point.”

And right about Then BeeBe-Bunny!! looked up from chewing hay and sed, “YO! We’re not habbin’ a flood. Can we go back and hab Treats now?”

And you know, Beebe was Right.

There was No Flood Going On At Our Warren.

Alla these Nooz guys were going nutz inside obba Tellyvision Box, but they were going nutz on their own.

Sure, there was some flooding going on, but it was in the usual places, where the River allus runs Too High When It Rains Too Hard.

Dis was Not da Flood obba Centchury, which was whut those guys onna Nooz was hoping to make outta it. It was justa’nudder case ob da River Running High, and that was preddy much That.

Maman sed she is only going to watch da Channel 17 Nooz frum now on, onna’count obba Fakt dat:
1.) Dey hab da Good Wedder Guys
2.) Dey don’t go nutz ober normal fings (She sed dere is less “media hype” - whutebber that means!)
3.) And Mouse says that they wear better soots, although not as nice as on Law & Order where that one guy rilly knows how to pick out soots!

So Maman and Dadda taked Alla Us Togedder out innu da Bun Room and we had Treats and all, and then the Catz went Uppastars to hab their dinners and we all went to bed.

Anna Dawg went out for his Nightly Patrol and came in and repawted da REAL NOOZ just as he allus does:

“Da Pond inna Back Gardin is going down! No rain onna breeze for at weast 24-hours! Hooray for air-condishioning! Da Wild Cottontail Bunny inna Frunt Gardin is fine! Dere issa Opossum two yards up! Catz still lib two houses down, so I hadda pee onna Dill to tell’em to “keep out”! Could Sumbun be sure to tell Maman cos I’m sure I’ll fortyged…”

Oh strong>YUCK
!

------------- By George



Posted by Our Warren at 11:59 AM EDT
Friday, 23 June 2006
George's Sixth Strand: Day Number 23
Now Playing: "Solsbury Hill" - Peter Gabriel
Well, I guess dat's it, we heer at Our Warren are socially ruined.

At least, dat is whut Maman says.

Yeah.

And it's all onna'count obba Fakt dat she has put Rabbits Dat Hab No Smell inna Our Warren's Hunny's Memorial Rose & Herb Gardin.

And Dat's it!

Yeah. Alla werk dat has gone innu making da Gardin dat Maman promised to plant whin Our Warren's Senior Bun, me,Hunny when on toda Rainbow Bridge has made us Socially Ruined onna'count obba Fakt dat we hab Garden Ornnymints dat sumbunny we don't ebben know ober in Inkwand says dat dey are "UnFashionable" and "Tacky".

Maman just sent Cokie-da-Fat-Cat Downnastairs to tell us dat she readed dis inna Daily Tellygraph frum Inkland: dat habbin' "Statchoos and Gardin Ornnymins" inna gardin issa form ob snobbery and dat if we gots socially unacceptable statchoos, den we are socially unacceptable, too. Which means dat we are Ruined.

Maman sed dis issa Good Thing.

"She sed," Sed Cokie-da-Fat-Cat, sitting down inna Bun Room. "Dat she doesn't see why enny 'jumped-up middul-cwass no-bunny former cibil servant libbin' on sum cookie-cutter housin' estate in Suddern Inkwand shuld beda Ar-biter Ob Publik Taste. If dey don't wanna hab statchoos ob bunnies inna Gardin dat belongs to dem, dat's hokay wif her. But if she wants to hab Rabbits Dat Hab No Smell in Our Warren's Hunny's Memorial Rose & Herb Gardin, she will and Whut Ennybunny Else Finks Doesn't Madder. Just whut she finks, madders, and she finks dat painted woodin panels ob fat wimmins in knickers bendin' ober pullin' weeds in Gardins is just showing ignorance. So dere."

So I sed dat "showing ignorance" wassa good fing, onna'count obba Fakt dat it warned udders to keep well outta da way.

Mr Mouse (who is feeling bedder since he's taking his meddysin, and he fanks Ebberybunnys who has axted afta him!) sed dat painted signs has allus bin "Troof-in-advertising" for sum hoomins and dat it was hokay for dem to hab does painted type of boards in dere Gardins, and dat Maman shuld encourage dis type ob fing.

"And", added Ms Clover. "It is perfeck "troof-in-advertising" for dere to be Rabbits Dat Hab No Smell in Our Warren's Hunny's Memorial Rose & Herb Gardin onna'count obba Fakt dat t shows dat HouseRabbits Rool around dis Houz."

And Cokie-da-Fat-Cat sed dat in Dat Case dere shuld be sum statchoos ob Catz inna Gardin, and just den, Da Dawg came in frumma Bedroom and sed dat dere was no need for enny statchoos ob Catz At All onna'count obba Fakt dat dere were Reel Catz inna area dat visited Our Gardin ebbry nite who could smell 'zacktly who libbed heer.

And Cokie was horryfied. Onna'count obba Fakt dat he didn't know enny udder Catz would dare come around near toda place where a Forty-Pound Maine Coon Cat was in Ressydince.

"But," Added Da Dawg, "Dere are no odder bunnyrabbits inna Gardin at all. 'Cept for Wun Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbit who seems to be libbin' out inna Frunt Gardin by herself."

And MissyBun, (who is my wifebun and rilly hassa soft heart unless she gets 'nnoyed, which happins to happins about two-free-four times a day, depending on whut's happining) was wike,

"Whaaaaa! A single Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbit all OnAlone by herself? Dat is So Sad! We hab to help her! Mebbe Maman can put out sum food or we can invite da Wild Cottontail Bunnyrabbit to share Our Dill Patch! Dere issa'nuff food for Ebberbunny heer at Our Warren! Doesn't da poor widdle Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbit know frumma statchoos obba Rabbits Dat Hab No Smell dat dere are BunnyRabbits libbin heer at dis Houz?"

So I axt Da Dawg, "How come, if dere are statchoos ob bunnyrabbits in Our Warren's Hunny's Memorial Rose & Herb Gardin and dat is "Troof-in-Advertising" like Mr Mouse says, why issa Wild Cottail BunnyRabbit dat's libbin' inna Frunt Gardin not coming innu da Back Gardin where alla food is? Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbits are not stoopit. Issit onna'count obba Fakt dat we hab you libbin' out dere? A lotta HouzRabbits are 'fraid ob Dawgs anna lotta Dawgs are bad for Houzbunnies."

Anna Dawg sed, "Lookit George BunnyRabbit, whut does Maman put outside inna dirt inna Our Warren's Hunny's Memorial Gardin alla time to make alla does Herbs and Roses grow so big? She has Dadda put out da contents ob Your Pootie Pans! So whut does da Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbit smell alla time inna Back Gardin? Dat dis Houz is alreddy owned by a Whole Warren Ob Udder BunnyRabbits where she might not be wanted! So she is stayin' outta Your Terrytory by stayin' inna Frunt Gardin where dere are no pooties!"

And I'm wike, "Oh."

And I felt, wll, you know, sorta bad sumhow.

Becos dere issa widdle Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbit who is libbin' inna Frunt Gardin all OnAlone, who is not coming innu da nice Our Warren's Hunny's Memorial Herb & Rose Gardin onna'count obba Fakt dat she finks Our Warren wouldn't want Her.

So I am gonna axt Maman to put summa dose Herbs & Roses frumma Back Gardin innu da Frunt Gardin, so mebbe da Widdle Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbit who libs dere will know dat we heer at Our Warren want to share.

------------- By George



Posted by Our Warren at 9:19 AM EDT
Updated: Friday, 23 June 2006 10:31 AM EDT
Thursday, 22 June 2006
George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 22
Now Playing: Horses, not Zebras


Well, and isn't Our MissyBun just mad-as-all-ged-out dis morning? And she was alreddy 'Noyed frum last night, so dis means that she has been alla way fru Angry and come out da udder side ob Furious and just kept Right On Going.

I am majorly keeping Outta Da Way.

Yeah. Onna'count obba Fakt dat I didn't do Ennyfing to start it so I'm sure not going to get blamed for it.

Dis all starts wif Yestidday whin Our Mr Mouse Bunny Didn't Eat His Salad.

Yeah.

Now dis issn't Mr Mouse's fault. He didn't feel good onnna'count obba Fakt dat he had eated sum Astro Turf onna Screen Porch while he was inna Bun Pen habbin' Playtime da Evening bifore. Maman yelled at him for diggin' atta Astro Turf, but he didn't realise it was RILLY "Bad Stuff" until he'd alreddy eaten it.

Which was Too Late.

So whin he waked up Yestidday Morning, his tummy hurted and he didn't feel much like eating his salad, which ob course, was seen by Maman.

And Maman called Dadda, and den dey called Dr Sharin atta 516 Veterinary Hospiddle!

Inna meantime, Mr Lee who fixes fings inna Houz dat Maman says Dadda and Phil shouldn't mess wif arrived to fix da Sink inna Kitchin. And dat made Da Dawg rilly happy, cos Da Dawg loves to bother ennybunny who will fuss him, and Mr Lee rilly likes Da Dawg, so Dadda putta Dawg Uppastairs inna Study wiffa Catz which was No Picnic Inna Park for dem, as Cokie-da-Fat-Cat was quick to point out.

And dere's Maman telling Cokie to "Moob it or loose it, Cat." onna'count obba Fakt dat she hasta habba shower inna Uppastairs Shower so she can go to Lunch wif Dadda and help him arrange a Charity Ebent bifore dey come back and drive Mr Mouse up to da Veterinary Hospiddle and den motor back back heer in time for Dadda to get dressed all ober again to go Out Forda Evening and gib a Repawt onna Charity Ebent dat he and Maman organnyized ober Lunch.

You gotta rilly stay onna ball heer, cos it's gonna get Complikated rilly soon.

So Maman, who has hadda Shower and alla dat stuff, gets on her hat and tells us all to be good, and Mr Lee, Maman and Dadda all goes outta door.

And Missy is wike, "Hey Mouse! How'ya doin'?"

And Mr Mouse is wike, "Tummyache. No pooties. And I now I'm goin' toda V-E-T!"

And Our Clover is wike, "Yeah, well, if Maman doesn't see pooties in obernite, you know you're gonna seeda V-E-T. Bin dere, read da buk, gotta bumpersticker."

And Our Beebe-Bunny!!, who is preddy much a few crayons short obba whole box - but dat's hokay onna'count obba Fakt datta poor guy wassa Skool Bunny bifore he was Rescued - says,

"YO! BITE DA V-E-T!"

(We heer at Our Warren do not Advokate Biting assa Gen'ral Rool, 'cept unner Certain Sircumstances as are Spelled Out inna Bunny Bill ob Rites as framed by da Members ob RIFRAF (By Housebunnies, For Housebunnies, Ebberywheres!). Please visit da RIFRAF Website at dis link: RIFRAF )

And so Maman and Dadda comes back toda Houz, and dey getta carrier for Mr Mouse's trip toda V-E-T!

And rite den, Mr Mouse says,

"Whoa. Hey George, hold my raisin... watch dis."

And rite in frunt ob Maman Mr Mouse EATS A WHOLE Baby Organic Carrot!

And Dadda, who is standing wif Maman wooks at her like he's not seeing whut he's just seed and says,

"Well, that's buggered it."

And Maman wooks at Dadda and her mouf tightens innu dis thin line and she says,

"I don't care how clever he thinks he is by eating now. He can eat ten carrots. He hasn't pootied, so he's still going to keep the appointment."

And Dadda says, "Better safe now than sorry afterward."

And he piks up Mr Mouse and puts him innu da carrier! Ebben afta Mr Mouse ate a Whole Baby Organic Carrot!

And so, afta a short when da whole Houz is quiet again, MissyBun turns to me and says,

"Well, dat's a bugger. Da widdle show-off wint toda V-E-T's ennyway. Serbs him rite for showin' off in frunt ob Maman. He shuld hab known bedda."

So becos Dr Sharin's issa wong way away, dey were gone a Whole Wong Time. And while dey were gone, Phil-da-Lad called up onna phone and Left-a-Message. We don't pik uppa phone onna'count obba Fakt dat bunnies do not hab Opposable Thumbs.

So den Mr Mouse came back toda Houz and he felt a widdle bedder onna'count obba Fakt dat he'd had "sub-Q flooids" stuck in him, but he'd also got sum meddysin and stuff, so he felt good enuf to be inna PO'ed Mood.

So den, alla Suddin, Phil showed up and dis was while Dadda was racin' around geddin' dressed to go out, and Maman didn't feel too good because ob being inna car too long and sumfing aboutta "phone call too Noo Yawk dat it was too late to make." So Maman gibbed Phil a Birfday Card for anna'Lanna because Yestidday was her Birfday! (Hoppy Birfday, Alanna! Alla Us Togedder are Wishing You Menny Hoppy Returns obba Day!)

And den, when fings got quiet again, Mouse says to MissyBun, rilly conversationally,

"Maman tolda V-E-T dat you are a Garbage Gut anna Noo V-E-T laffed."

And MissyBun was wike, "Whut?"

And her ears sort ob began to stick out frum her head wike dey do whin she's beginning to get dat "Disapproving Rabbit" wook.

And Mouse says, "Maman tolda Noo V-E-T dat you are a Garbage Gut anna Noo V-E-T laffed because she had nebber herd dat werd bifore."

And MissyBun says, "Whut 'Noo V-E-T'?"

And Mouse says, "Da Noo V-E-T dat I saw because Dr Sharin wasn't in tidday. You habbin't seen her yet."

And so Missy's ears are sticking almost straight out frum her hed, which issa Preddy Bad Sign.

And she says, "Wookit, Mouse, go back toda pawt where Maman sed sumfing."

And Mouse says, "Oh, you mean 'Garbage Gut'?"

And by now, I preddy much know whut's coming nextest, so I'm moobin' along to okkypye da High Ground inna pootie-box just wike me,Hunny told me to do whin fings begin to wook wike dey are starting to go all pear-shaped inna habbytat.

And just to be onna Safest Side, I sed to Missy:

"You are a Lubly bun-gurl ob Gen'rus Proporshuns."

And dat was just bifore da pink bell-ball toy whizzed past my hed.

So I just squeezed innu dat pootie box and kept my ears down.

So whin alla da toy-throwin' and shoutin' was ober, and afta Dadda came home and telled Maman alla'bout Whut Had Happined To Him, Maman came out innu da Bun Room. And she sed to MissyBun,

"I told the Noo V-E-T what a wonderful little Garbage Gut you are, MissyBun Hawpa, how you can eat just about anything at all while these picky little boys all seem to get Trummy Troubles at the drop of a hat."

And MissyBun wooks ober Maman's shoulder at Mr Mouse and she says,

"See? Seedat Widdle Mr Show-Off Mouse! Dat's whut happins whin you eats a Baby Organic Carrot to show off in frunt ob Maman and den tries to tell a story 'bout me! HA! I'mma GOOD 'Garbage-gut' and you're a 'picky widdle boy'-toy! You hear dat? Ha-ha-dubble-HA!"

And dat's just my Missy whin she's inna PO'ed mood and Mr Mouse whin he doesn't feel berry good onna'count ob eating sum Astro Turf and habbin' bin toda V-E-T's and it wasn't ebben Our Dr Sharin which musta bin preddy skerry all on its own.

But it pays to do "ReeSeach".

Dat's whut Maman allus says. ReeSearch is to wook and den wook again, which is why it is called "re" and "search" - onna'count obba Fakt dat you hab to wook at fings more den once. If sumfing wooks too good to be troo da furst time around, she sed, it ushually is, so wook again, gedda Fakts, and den fink "horses, not zeebras". Becos if you hears hoofbeats, you gotta know where there is the Highest Ground and den pile uppa Fakts and keep your ears down.

---------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 10:26 AM EDT
Tuesday, 20 June 2006
George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 20
Now Playing: Summertime George - A Noo Song dat I Just Made Up!

Hoo boy!

And it's anudder too-hot day heer at Our Warren.

So I am stuck indoors, which issnot the same as being stuck innadoor, which would be a very Bad Fing if you are a bunny. Which I am. So ebberybunny heer makes very sure dat they nebber, ebber manages to get caught between a closing door anna door-jam, so as not to get stuck inna door.

Whut I mean by "stuck indoors" issat Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren are staying Inside da Houz where there is Air Condishying, because it is Too Hot for ennybunny to go Outside Onna Screen Porch for Playtime.

Our Fan is not yet "On" onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman says it's not Quite Hot Enuf Yet, but It Will Be Soon. So we're waiting around for that to happin.

And we're also waiting around to see if Our Phil will show up.

Yestidday, he came and took Maman's 'puter apart and then put it back togedder so that it would werk faster. And it is werking much faster onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman hasn't Installed alla her programs again - when, she says, da 'Puter will prob'ly slow down again because it will be Full.

As she says, "Ennyfing runs faster whin it's nekkid."

And Our Phil says, "No way." and lafs at her, which issa Preddy Dang'rous Fing To Do, but Our Phil is preddy Fearless or preddy Stoopit (depending on your Outlook) whinit comes to Maman.

Alla Us Togedder hab to say dat, onna whole, we fink ob Our Phil as preddy Fearless, unless he's Tweaking Mouse's bunny-tail, at which point he has verges directly innu Stoopit Terrytory, but Maman says he is young and will prob'ly Ged Ober Dis.

Mr Mouse says, "Mebbe."

So Maman is Uppystairs, fighting wif her 'Puter and saying Bad Werds to it because Phil told her dat it would be "Preddy Easy" to Install Alla Stuff she is Used to Habbing, BUT, onna'count obba Fakt dat she is NOT a Computer Hardware Engineer who gots trained inna Naby like Phil is, she is habbin a Hard Time Obbit.

As Phil says, "You can't moron-proof ebberyfing."

And dere is No Way, Dadda says, to "Maman-proof" ennyfing.

So dis wooks it's gonna be anudder wun ob dose Lost Days where we are more-or-less LOST out heer inna Bun Room while Maman is preddy much lost uppystairs in her hed wiffa 'puter.

Our Bestest "Chance Ob ResQue" wuld be for Phil to come ober heer right away, and Install Alla Dis Stoopit Stuff FOR Maman and mebbe do it SOONEST so mebbe we culd get sum 'TTENTION around heer, and mebbe sum Treats and sum PETS, onna'count obba Fakt dat Dadda has gone to werk, anna Dawg anna Catz are snoozing and Alla Us Togedder are just, plain BORED!

But, onna udder paw, it's clouding up outside, anna trees are beginning to shake inna breeze - we can see dis frum Our Warren's Memorial Window - and Maman sed datta Wedder Service down in Mount Holly sed dere are still Funderstorms hanging around, left ober frum Last Nite, so mebbe dere is gonna be a storm-wif-funder or sumfing, and Maman will hab to shut offa'Puter and come downnastairs to be wif US. Dis is because we bunnies don't wike funder and espeshually, lightning, which MissyBun says is too bright and hurts her eyes. But mebbe it won't be too bright onna'count ob it being Alreddy Daytime outside obba Houz.

Well, den just Enuf to ged Maman downnastairs, hokay?

Yeah. We can but hope, as Dadda says.

But eidderway, sumhow, sumfing around dis Houz has gotta gib!

So... While I'm waiting around for Fings To Start Happining, I Decided I would Sing A Song. Since I don't know enny song about "Being Bored" and Not Liking It, I made dis wun up:

George's Noo "I Don't Wanna Be Bored" Song

Cos I won't be bored!
And I don't wanna be 'nored!
Leeb da 'Puter alone,
And don't talk onna Phone!
Come and take me out to play
Onna sunshiney day!
Cos I'm Summertime George
And I don't wanna be Bored!


Sing it wif me wun time! Eb-bree-bun-ny!

Cos I won't be bored!
And I don't wanna be 'nored!
Leeb da 'Puter alone,
And don't talk onna Phone!
Come and take me out to play
Onna sunshiney day!
Cos I'm Summertime George
And I don't wanna be Bored!

----------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 9:36 AM EDT
Monday, 19 June 2006
George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 19
Now Playing: Summer Inna Citty - Dunno, We just herd it onna radio

Heer's a new wun for you: Maman sed it is too hot for us to go out onna Screen Porch!

Yeah!

Can you believe dat?

Too hot for bunnies to be inna Bun Pen onna Screen Porch. Which means dat we hab to hab our Playtime INSIDE inna Houz, and not OUTSIDE onna Screen Porch where there are no Preddytors, just shade, pretend grass, breezes, a Tunnel and Udder Toys, Our Own Wadder Crock and Rabbits-Dat-Hab-No-Smell.

It was Our Play Yard and now it is too hot for us to go out dere!

I have herd obba lotta fings in my Life, but dat hasta take da Proverbial Cookie, lemme tell you!

Anna Fat-Cat motored by and sed to me, "Whutsamatta, GeorgeBunnyRabbit? Maman is making you stay inside obba Houz? I can go where I wike!"

And I'm wike, "Yeah, but dat's becos Maman wikes us bedder and doesn't want ennyfing to happin to us bunnies!"

Anna stoopit catz trooped out to sit onna Screen Porch, followed byda Dawg, who was slinkin' outta door behind Beep, who is his Personal Cat.

Aktchually, Beep hassa Dawg as her Personal Barrier and Distracktion against Cokie, but since Da Dawg doesn't know dis is going on, she just lets him fink it's da udder way 'round.

So den Dadda comes on fru da Bun Room and says to Maman dat it is Too Hot forda Bunnies inna Bun Room.

And Maman comes in and says,

"Whut we need issa fan to blow da Air Condishuning around fru frumma Kitchin, onna'count obba fakt dat da Air issn't moobing All Dat Much and needs to."

Maman can make a whole lotta sense, but only if you know her.

So she sed to Dadda dat dere wassa Fan eidder Downnastairs inna Basemint or else it was Uppastairs inna Attic, and Dadda could choose in place he wanted to Look Furst. She just bemembered seeing a box wiffa grey fan innit sittin' onna shelf sumwheres but she didn't recall iffit was Uppastairs or Downnastairs.

And she sed to Dadda, "Good Luck."

And Dadda sed to Maman, "Too right."

Which preddy much sums up how dey go aboud doing fings togedder.

So Dadda decided dey shuld look Downnastairs inna Basemint, furst. So Maman sed, "Hokay." and off dey wint toda Basemint, wif Maman following Dadda.

Well, dat brought Da Dawg in frumma Screen Porch where he had bin watching His Cat, Beep, onna'count obba Fakt dat his Primary Job Assa Border-Collie is Doing Fings Wif Dadda, except dat he issa'Fraid obba Basemint and won't go Down Dere.

So Da Dawg stood atta Top O'Th' Stairs and Peeped, which is the Official Border-Collie Worried-Sound, to let Maman, and especially Dadda, know dat he was onna Job.

So Alla Us Togedder in Our Warren can hear Maman and Dadda downnastairs inna Basemint:

Maman: That box.
Dadda: (grunt) This one?
Maman: No, that one, over more.
Dadda: Left or right?
Maman: My way.
Dadda: Which way?
Maman: Ummm...
Dadda: What?
Maman: The one next to that one over there, in the back. Down a bit.
Dadda: (grunt) This one?
Maman: Why are you moving that one?
Dadda: Because it's in the way.
Maman: But that's not it.
Dadda: I know. It's the other one.
(Tearing sound)
Maman: What was that?
Dadda: It's the box.
Maman: Which box?
Dadda: The one you wanted!
Maman: Does it have the fan inside?
Dadda: How the hell should I know? There's a cardboard box in the way!
Maman: Oh. Well... Lemme look inside.
Dadda: Let me set it down first.
Maman: That's it! It says "GeeEee" on the box!
Dadda: Why didn't you say so in the first...never mind. I should have asked. Does it have a cord?
Maman: A whut?
Dadda: A Cord. A thing to plug it in.
Maman: Of course it does.
Dadda: I mean, attached to it.
Maman: Oh yes! My Father didn't fix it or anything if that's what you mean. No, this fan always worked. In fact, when I was a little girl, this fan used to sit on the dresser in my parents' room - of course, it occillates - turns back and forth -
Dadda: I know what occillates means, dear. They use words like that in British universities, too.
Maman: Right. Well, it used to occillate back and forth. Maybe it still does. It should do. But you can't be sure with something this old. Even if Daddy hasn't messed with it, which it doesn't look like he has. I remember that they moved it from room to room as they needed it. I guess it's probably circa 1950, which would make it, probably, how many years old now?
Dadda: Charlotte, stop swinging it around by it's motor and give it to me. You go upstairs and I'll carry it up. Watch where you're going, Love.
(Thud, loud bumping noises)
Dadda: Careful dear. Mind the dustpan. Don't try to pick it up; I'll get it later.
Maman: I'm not trying to pick anything up. I tripped on the stair. It's just I haven't seen that fan in how many years? And now it's going to cool off the bunnies!
Dadda: Just please mind where you're going. I don't want to have to go to the Accident... (Crashing, sounds of something falling downnastairs) Never mind, I'll pick up the boom and sweeper later. Keep going, Sweetheart.

And den they were back uppastairs wif dis grey Fan. And ob course Maman wanted to plug it in right away and she's practically dancing around Dadda, showing him where the On/Off button is located (Wike, dere is more den wun?) and how it goes Back-and-forth (which Dadda can't stop it frum doing onna'count obba Fakt dat dis is wun OLD fan!).

So Dadda plugs inna Fan and preddy soon, we gotta Cool Breeze coming fru da Bun Room.

And balls ob Clover's Shedding Fur come rolling across da floor along wif bits ob hay dat hextkaped Maman's broom, and stray bits ob laundry-lint frumma Dryer, and ebberyfing.

And den heer come da Catz in frum offa Screen Porch, and Cokie-da-Fat-Cat says to me,

"You know whut, GeorgeBunnyRabbit? It is TOO HOT out dere onna Screen Porch!"

And den alla suddin, da Dawg comes steaming past, onna'count obba Fakt dat he has suddinly bemembered his Udder Furst Job Assa Border-Collie which is to Enforce Maman's Furst Rool Obba Houz, which is No Catz Inna Bun Room!. And he starts herdin' Cokie and Beep, much to their annoyance, outta da Bun Room.

And Cokie says toda Dawg, "Push off, Dawg! I wanna lie down inna breeze!"

And he tries to flop down inna doorway between da Bun Room anna Kitchin, 'cept forda Fakt dat Maman is now cruisin' back and forth between those two rooms and ob course she trips ober Cokie, and that makes Dadda yell at him to "MOOBIT, BIFORE I MAKE YOU INNNU A FURRY BEDROOM SLIPPER!"

And so we're sitting ober heer in Our Bun Room enjoying breezes frum Our Fan, watchin' da Dawg make da Catz "moobit" while we're sitting in Our Habbytats habbing sum Raisins onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman says we're "Such good bunnies!"

And we are.

Sure, it's not Playtime onna Screen Porch, but It's Entertainmint.

----------- By George





Posted by Our Warren at 7:04 AM EDT
Thursday, 15 June 2006
George's Sixth Stand; Day Number 15
Now Playing: Cracker Box Palace - George Harrison

Well...

Missy and I hadda turn inna Bun Pen onna Screen Porch yestidday!

Maman wassa One who seed da Bun Pen inna catty-log and den ordered it for us, and although it took a coupla days to ged here, all I can say issat it is Preddy Nice! Yeah!

It's really nuffin' dat you could call Noo. It's justa Pen, made outta da same sorta stuff as our habbytats atta Old House, but alla the square panels innit hab Hinges so that the shape ob it can be changed frumma Square, to a Rektangle, to a Hexygon (which is a Cirkul wif elbows). And it is "Portable" which means dat it can be folded up and taked frumma Screen Porch to Sumewhere Else if Maman and Dadda feel like mooving it or sumfing.

But one fing dat dis Bun Pen doesn't hab issa Door - but I will tell you more aboud Dis Problem later on! Because it issa Problem ob Sum Signiffygance.

Ennyways, Maman has set uppa Bun Pen onna Screen Porch where there are NO:
Preddytors
Insekts
Rain or
hoomins Maman doesn't like or trust

We Bunnies are totally SAFE when enny member ob Our Warren is out inna Pen Onna Screen Porch, or "POSP", as we like to say amongst ourselves.

Da Dawg does tend to come by da Bun Pen a lot, and sit out dere onna Screen Porch wif us. He sits right dere unnerneaf obba dinner table and watches ober da whole Back Gardin, most obba Frunt Gardin, sum obba Sidewalk, anna good slice obba Street onna'count obba fakt, he says, dat he owns ALL obbit.

He says dat it is his dooty to sit dere, and watch ebberyfing and den Bark, rilly loud, if ennybunny ebben touches enny pawts ob whut he sees as being his. And by ennybunny, he means hoomins walking by, dawgs - ebben if they are on leashes - enny catz, squirrells, birds - ennybunny who isn't us.

Dis means dat he does quite a bit ob barking, ob which Maman does not approve. And he gets yelled at. A Lot. Mostly by Dadda, but dat's because Maman has just gibben up, as she says.

And den we do hab da odd cat or two wandering fru. Ob course "odd" and "cat" go togedder in dis Houz, so it seems like using one werd to describe da udder wun is redundant...

But dere you are.

Cokie-da-Fat-Cat comes out onna Screen Porch mainly to catch da aftanoon breezes and to read da Noos onna wind. Beep-da-Udder-Cat comes out all fru da Day, closely followed by her pal, da Dawg. Mostly, Beep-da-Udder-Cat is just coming out to Look - and she tends to watch ebberyfing, so dat ebben watching a leaf falling past issa 'Vent for her. Whin da Wind Chimes start clanging togedder inna breeze, she's just hextstatik.

Maman says Beep issa Simple Cat; it doesn't take much to entertain her.

But none ob dem are allowed to come innu da Bun PenOnly bunnies can be innit.

Maman has put in a tall, plastic Rabbit Dat Has No Smell to be inna Pen wif us. It is sort of light brown coloured, and it has brown eyes. Years ago, it usta sit inna middle obba group ob Rabbits Dat Hab No Smell and Belinda Bunny usta go up to it, knock it ober and den sit where it was sitting, wike she hadda knock ober da biggest rabbit ob alla dem bifore she could sit wiffa Group Ob Rabbits Dat Had No Smell.

Now da same Rabbit Dat Has No Smell is sitting in Our Bun Pen. So Beebe and den I hab bin knocking it ober, like Belinda. Mouse just goes up to it and chins it, but Beebe and I hab to knock it ober, like Belinda. Missy and Clover just ignore it.

And Maman sits dere in her liddle rocking chair and axts questions, like, "Why do sum bunnies feel dat dey must knock ober dat Rabbit Dat Has No Smell?"

Yeah. Like we're gonna tell her. Well, then, Maman is known for axting Questions Involving Speculation and Discussion.

But dere is no use in discussing wedder or not da Pen Onna Screen Porch or POSP, hassa DOOR, because it doesn't. Dere is NO DOOR!

When Dadda piks us up, outta our Habbytats to take us toda POSP, he hasta step ober da side obba Pen to set us down on our feets inside ob it. Dis is far frum easy for him as da Pen is preddy high and Dadda hasta lift his leg preddy high to ged himself inside obbit. Stepping ober hurdles at his age isn't hextactly his strongest-point ennymore.

So, being da kind ob bunny dat I am, I thought I could help him out wif habbin to step ober da side obba Pen to set us down inside obbit, you know? Whut we need in dat Pen issa door so dat Maman and Dadda could get in-and-outta da Pen more easily - because if they can get in-and-out more easily (or ebben bedder, if we bunnies could get in-and-out on our own!) we could get more playtime!

And then I could be out, POSPing inna morning, wif Beep-da-Udder-Cat, sorta watching sum leaves fly past, or watching to tell da Dawg if enny birds or ennyfing landed on his sidewalk, and den I could go inside to da habbytat I share wif MissyBun and get sum hay and habba nap or sumfing, and den go out POSPing again later on inna aftanoon. All on my own, wiffout habbin to bodder enny hoomins! Dat's IF dere wassa DOOR onna Pen.

But there currently IS NO Door!

Which I figgered must be sum kinda obersight or sumfing.

So I sat down and hadda Fink.

And I suddenly realised datta Pen was made just like da habbytat I usta lib in atta Old Houz!

And when I libbed in dat place, it didn't habba door for me to get through to go see MissyBun, eidder. So, insted ob complaining to Dadda aboudda lack obba door, I made one ob my own. I ebben made up a song to sing while I was making it, which made da werk involved go dat much more easily.

So I thought to myself, "George, Dadda has enuf to do wiffout habbin to pik you bunnies up alla time whin you wanna be outside onna Screen Porch inna Bun Pen. Whut you need issa DOOR! So you can help Dadda here by making your own door!"

So I made a Noo Door Song:

I'm....
Chewin' a hole
Chewin' a hole
Chewin' a hole
To help Da-da!

I'm...
Chewin' a hole
Chewin' a hole
Chewin' a hole
Inna Bun Pen!


And I just was getting started on making Da Door Inna Bun Pen this morning, whin alla suddin, Maman grabbed me frum behind and hoisted me up offa my feets and started Force Petting me.

And I'm like, "Hey! Put me down!"

And she's like, "George! You're SUCH A cutie-pie little boy! I'm going to kiss your nosey!"

And I'm like, "Well, yeah, go on, ged it ober wif."

And she kisses my nose, and squooshes my cheeks and gibs me all kinds of cheek-rubs and ear-massages, and nose-bonks, and I'm like lapping dat stuff up because it's nice to be loved, and den she sets me down on my feets again and just as she turns around to go back innu da Kitchin, fru da Bun Room, she says to me,

"Now don't you go doing enny ob dat chewing, Georgie-Good-Boy."

And I'm like, "Hey, Whutdaheck? I'm doing alla dat for Dadda!"

And she adds, "If you chew on dat noo Bun Pen, you and your Dadda's going to be having Werds."

So now I dunno whut to do. I certainly don't wanna hab enny Werds wif Dadda! But atta same time, I can't imagine who wouldn't wanna habba free, custom-chewed DOOR...

-------------- By George





Posted by Our Warren at 3:25 PM EDT
Wednesday, 14 June 2006
George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 14
Now Playing: Hoppy Flag Day!

Yeah!

Ebberybunny sellybrate onna'count ob it being Flag Day!

We heer in Our Warren are not usually political - well no more than udder bunnies - but we do support Our Service Peoples no madder who they is or was or where they happins to be!

For hextample, we supports Our Phil-da-Lad, SA's Auntie Patricia and The Flock's Unkul Bernie who are ALL THREE ~*~*Navy*~*~ veterans! And we supports Sheeba's Unkle Peter who was inna ~*~*Air Force*~*~ and we espeshully supports The Herd's Auntie Grace anna Speshul Bunny-Guy Sgt. Matt, who keep da ~*~*Army*~*~ rollin' along!

And we supports Da Florida Contingent's Unkul Roberto and Chester's Auntie Sue alla rest obba veterans who were "there"! In fakt, we supports alla peoples dat Maman has told us about, who were inna Army, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, National Guard and most 'speshully da Navy - ebberybun who went away frum home wif dis Flag flying ober dem.

Maman telled us about how Our Bim went down whin he heared aboutta'Tack On Pearl Harbour, and wif his bestest friends tried to Enlist inna Army Flying Service. Maman sed dat her Dadda was no older den Our Phil back den, and preddy much just as stoopit onna'count ob being young. He had just gotted innu unnyversity atta place called "Dook" and so udder hoomins thought he was older den he rilly was (which was too young to go "Enlisting" in ennyfing).

So he went to "Enlist," and he and his three friends (just wike Phil anna Rent-A-Teens) went togedder and tried to Enlist inna Army Flying Corps, but they was all turned down for one reason or anudder. Bim gotted turned down onna'count obba fakt dat he had "flat feets," (which I suppose issa bad fing if you are not a bunny).

So Our Bim and his friends were standing around all dejected onna street corner, and dis Navy Chief beckoned to them frum acrosst da street.

Anna Navy Chief sed to Bim and His Friends: "You guys wook wike you've just lost your last friend inna werld. Whuttaheck happined? You get tossed out byda Army or sumfing?"

And Our Bim sed, "We went toda Army Flying Corps to enlist, but they turned us down."

Anna Navy Chief nodded, and opined the door to his liddle office and sed, "Well you guys come right on in heer. The Navy doesn't let anyone down!"

And Our Bim and his friends went innu da liddle office wiffa Chief and they all signed up forda Navy.

And then Our Bim went home, and his Mother (who was Maman's Granny) sed, "Where hab you bin, Willow?" (Which is whut she called Our Bim).

And Our Bim sed, "I signed up forda Navy."

And his Mother, who was his Mawmie and Our Maman's Granny, didn't say ennyfing at furst - which wassa RILLY BAD sign! (And dis is sumfing Our Maman has piked up frum her) - and den Our Maman's Granny called her husbun, who was Bim's Fadder and Our Maman's Granddaddy, and she called her Housekeeper, who was Annie Hamilton, and she called Annie Hamilton's husbun. And Maman's Granny told Annie Hamilton's husbun to dribe Maman's Granddaddy (he wassa clergyman) down to dat Navy Chief's Office and TELL him dat Bim was too young to be 'listed and to ged him off dat Enlisted Buk RIGHT AWAY!

And den she told Annie Hamilton to gedda houz reddy cos there was gonna be tea wiffa Admiral's wife. And Annie Hamilton agreed wif Our Maman's Granny (and dat in itself, was preddy skerry, Our Bim sed!) and sed dat she didn't hold wif Our Bim going around finking he was old enuf to go geddin' himself Enlisted wifout consulting ennybun, and den she wint off to "speak" to da udder housekeepers in Newport.

And den ALLA guys, inklooding Our Bim, were suddinly inna Whole Werld Ob Trubble, most obbit caused by Wimmin finding Out Fings (which also happins heer at Our Warren).

But it didn't make enny dif'frunce.

Cos alla guys had signed papers forda U.S. Navy and they were innit and that was preddy much, that. Even Enraged Mawmies, Admiral's Wifes and Scots Housekeepers can't force the U.S. Navy to back down once they've decided on sumfing. Even the fakt that Our Bim was underage didn't rilly madder, onna'count obba fakt dat he was in Doctor's Skool and the Navy needed alla guys that were even studying to become doctors.

So the Navy taught Our Bim to be a Surgical Nurze and sent him away to HaverDeGrace, Maryland, to some Hospiddle called "Bainbridge," where he had lots ob 'Ventures, most ob which he did NOT tell to his Mother (Maman's Granny) or to Annie Hamilton, onna'count obba fakt dat he wasn't quite as stoopit as ebberybunny thought he was.

AND onna'count ob knowing Our Bim, and seeing dat Our Phil-da-Lad not only looks like him, but also acts like him, Our Maman doesn't bodder to axt Phil about "Whut he did inna Navy" - cos furst ob all, she issn't all dat sure, habbin' heard whut happined wif Bim, dat she wants to know whut happined wif Phil, and sekond ob all, she knows dat her chances ob hearing Da Real Honest Troof About Whut Happined Wif Phil Inna Navy are about 100 to 1.

Maman sed dat Mothers are just aboud da LAST peoples to ebber know Da Troof about ennyfing relating to their 'dult kidlets. Da 'dult kidlets know, but they just don't tell and Mothers hab no biznezz hextpecting to be involved beyond a "certain age." (And they sure hab no biznezz, Maman says, to go around carrying signs, gedding arrested, going onna tellyvishion and demanding "a meeting" wiffa Pressydent whin dere kidlet knew full-stop whut he signed up for. As her Granny found out, dere are times when ebben Newport Ladies must learn to graciously accept Things As They Are.)

As Maman has said, "George, young hoomins are still young hoomins, and frum Nelson to Nimitz, and frum Plymouth (the reel one, in Inkland) to Pensacola, da Navy issa Navy and all sailors are preddy much alike, and if you know one, you preddy much know alla dem - the good ones, that is."

But What Is Rilly Impawtant, says Maman, issat da Flag is still dere, assa symbol to ebberybun dat, no madder how upsetting political fings seem to ged, da fundamental freedoms dat form da foundation of dis country - freedom to worship our God, freedom to speak as we please, freedom to write our own laws anna freedom frum absolute tyranny - remain intact, so long as dat Flag continues to fly.

So if you see dat Flag flying tidday, please fink ob sumbun who Enlisted unner'neaf obbit, and if you see sumbun inna millytary unnyform, go up to dem, shake dere hand and say "Fank You" for serving.

And if you feel a liddle bit patriotic tidday, it's hokay. Ebberyfing in moderashun - not too much, not to liddle; just enuf not to drag your feets and not too much to be prideful. Just enuf to nosebonk sumbun else and say, "I am thankful to be part ob dis Great Warren wif you!"

----------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 8:42 AM EDT
Monday, 12 June 2006
George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 12
Now Playing: Listen, Do You Wanna Know A Sekret? - The Beatles
Well, Maman and I were Uppastairs yestidday and we ordered sum stuff OnLine for Dadda.

Yeah!

As Maman sed, "Dere is no sense in paying full price for a few fings when we can gedda whole bunch ob dees Oberstocks forda same munny."

So we did.

Anna fings are called "Golf Shirts" but I am not sus'posed to tell ennybunny aboudd'em onna'count obba fakt dat dey are a "sekret".

So I went downnastairs and told MissyBun because I allus tell her ebberyfing onna'count obba fakt dat she is my bond-mate. And Missy told Clover because they are friends, and Clover told Beebe who ob course told Mr Mouse and we, Alla Us Togedder figgered dat Maman buying the Golf Shirts shuld become a Sekret in Our Warren and we would not tell da Catz onna'count obba fakt dat dey wuld most likely tell Dadda because dat's how Catz are.

And den Maman called up Phil-da-Lad and telled him aboudda Golf Shirts and added dat he hadda Certain Amount ob Munny and dat he hadda take Dadda Sumplace in order to get sum Udder Golf Stuff dat Maman had writed down onna List. AND dat he hadda take his sistah Beffy along wif him inna carrier.

And this was also anudder Sekret, but Phil hadda tell his sistah, Beffy, only not ALLA IT, onna'count obba fakt dat Beffy can't keep a Sekret, not at ALL.

And dis is ALL onna'count ob Fadder's Day dat is coming on nextest Sunday, which issa Day dat Dadda don't like At ALL!

In fakt, Dadda hates da whole idea ob Fadders' Day, and finks dat it is Stoopit, onna'count obba fakt dat dere are so menny Fadders around who just don't take being a Fadder all dat seriously. As Dadda says, frowing offa kit or two or three don't make sumbun a Fadder. You hafta werk at being a Fadder, and he doesn't feel dat he issa Fadder onna'count obba fakt dat he hasn't been heer at Our Warren since Day One. But he is as proud ob Phil and Beffy as though they were his own Kids, if he had kids, which he doesn't, 'cept for us Furkids (which inkloods da Catz anna Dawg).

Ob course, da way Alla Us Togedder feels abouddit issat he's been heer and been fru justa'bout as much as enny Fadder can be es'peckted to go fru (and he's alive to talk abouddit!) so he quallyfies assa Genuine Fadder as far as We are concerned (and We are who madder around heer!).

But ennyways, Maman says we are gibbin' Dadda "Golf" for Fadder's Day, along wif Phil and Beffy, and we are doing dis whole Fadders' Day Fing and keeping it a Big Sekret!

Yeah!

So, dis morning, as Maman was folding laundry inna Bun Room wif us, and she's axting us "Who Wuld Like To Go Out Onna Screen Porch". Dis issa Noo Question she axts us ebbery day now that it is Summer heer at Our Warren. Dis is onna'count obba fakt dat she's gotta Noo Bun Pen dat she has set up onna Screen Porch where bunnies can go and play and sort ob be "outside" wiffout akchually being Outside where it is Dangerous for us to be. Only da Bun Pen issn't big enuf for Alla Us Togedder to be out onna Screen Porch atta same time, so we take turns being Out Dere in it and ebbery morning we diskuss who is gonna be innit.

Whut's fair is fair, as Maman says.

So I sed, "Well, Mr Mouse or Clover and Beeb can go out onna'count obba fakt dat Missy and I can go wif Phil and Beffy to gedda Golf Fings."

And Maman is wike, "How'd you werk dat wun out, George?"

And I'm wike, "Phil sed he was gonna go sumtime dis week to gedda Golf Fings and you sed he was in charge obba munny and dat Beffy wassa Carrier. So we'll go inna carrier wif Beffy."

And Maman sed, "They're going inna car. Phil's driving, so probably in his car."

And I sed, "Yeah. So we'll go in Beffy's carrier to keep her compiny."

And Maman sed, "Wookit, Beffy doesn't go IN a carrier, even though her brother might want to put her in one. She's going along to help carry da Golf Fings."

And I'm like, "Oh."

And Missy is like, "Well, den, how are WE pawt ob dis big Sekret, den if we can't go IN da carrier wif Beffy? Huh?"

And Maman sed, "Cos you can't tell Dadda WHY he is going along onna shopping trip wif Phil and Beffy. It has to be a suprise to him that he is going along with them to pick out Golf Things for himself."

And Mr Mouse axted Maman how come, if we was gibbin Dadda da pressent ob Golf Fings, why we didn't pick dem out on our own and den gib dem to him?

And Maman sed dat she didn't know da Furst Fing aboudda Golf Fings and dat dey were "Very Personal Fings" in enny case, and dat Dadda hadda pik dem out on his own.

So I axted her, "So whutdaheck is Golf, ennyways?"

And Maman sed, "Golf issa a game where you hit a little white ball with a special stick-thing and then walk along after it through a special park."

And Clover sed dat following a ball around sounded preddy stoopit, wike sumfing Da Dawg would do inna Back Gardin.

And Maman continued, "It's very good exercise and Dadda needs exercise and he likes to play Golf, so we're giving him the stuff to play the game."

And I'm wike, "And dis issa Sekret?"

And Maman sed, "Well, it was a sekret, George. That is, until you went and blogged about it."

And I'm like, "Whut?"

And Maman is like, "Lookit, Bunnyrabbit, all this "stuff" about Dadda getting Golf Fings for Fadders' Day was a "Sekret" - that is, something not told to ennybunny else - until YOU (meaning ME) typed it all down in your Hay Diaries blog for the Whole Wide Werld to read about! But since you've typed it all down, now ennybunny, including your Dadda, can read all about "Whut Dadda Is Gedding For Fadders' Day" right there in "George's Sixth Strand" in his Hay Diaries. So it's not much of a Sekret anymore, is it?"

And I'm like, "Uh, well, no, I s'spose not."

And Missy is wike, "Uh oh. Now you've dunnit, George."

Which issa Big Help if you know whut I mean. Lemme tell you!

And so Missy and I went out innu da Bun Pen onna Screen Porch, and we hadda Fink.

So, um, Dadda, if you are reading dis Blog inna Hay Diaries, Missy and I want you to know dat we are not going ennywheres tidday inna carrier or ennyfing else. And we also want you to know dat Bunnies do not rilly shop or manage to take advantage ob Oberstock Sales at Land's End or ennyfing wike dat. I made alla dat up. Sorta. It's wike Da Davinchy Code Buk - ALL FICTION - which issa devise writers use to capture innerest, you know?

And dere is no such Fing as Golf and we're not taking enny parts in gedding enny Golf Fings for Fadders' Day, onna'count obba fakt dat we bunnies heer at Our Warren hab nebber herd ob Fadders' Day, eidder.

Dere. Cos we're not telling enny Sekrets. How's that?

------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 10:02 AM EDT
Friday, 9 June 2006
George's Sixth Strand; Day Number Nine!
Hoppy Day, Ebberybun!

Yeah!

Whuttaday!
Dere is gonna be sun!
Dere is gonna be Screen Porch!
Dere is gonna be fun!
Dere is gonna be Free Range Bunnies!

Dere is gonna be hay!
Dere is gonna be Garden!
Dere is gonna be play!
Dere is gonna be Sunny Day Bunnies!

Are we talking da Good Life heer? You bet'cha!

And we were 'fraid da Alla Good Life days had vanished with Phil anna'Lanna - Well, we were wrong!

Maman and Dadda ordered us a Noo Porch Pen! Dis means dat Four ob Our Warren can be out onna Screen Porch atta same time, wiffout Beebe habbin' Ownership Ishoos.

You know how Beebe-Bunny (bless his widdle cotton socks, as Dadda says, although Beebe doesn't wear socks...) but you know how Beebe wassa School Bunny for a lotta his life, and consequently issn't quite whut Maman calls "All There"? Well, part ob his "not being there" issat he finks he hasta Own Ebbery Fing Inna Whole Wide Werld, which inkloods ebberywhere's dat he can see, which is ebberyfing he can reach to chin.

And he also finks dat ebbery womin inna werld wants him, inklooding My MissyBun.

Ob course, I hab alreddy told him, inna kindest possible way dat she doesn't want him At All but Beebe hassa way ob not bemembering ennyfing ennybunny tells him longer den free sekonds.

So being out onna Screen Porch wif him atta same time wif him and Ms Clover, his bondmate, can be preddy stressful if you happin to be anudder bunny, like me. Which is why Maman and Dadda only let him and Ms Clover be out dere by demselves anna Rest Ob Us hadda wait for Our Turns to be out onna Screen Porch.

Well, Maman got us a Porch Pen, so dat Ms Clover and Beeb can be out onna Screen Porch atta same time as Missy, Mouse and me, and Beebe won't be able to Start Ennyfing because he will be inna Porch Pen wif Clover, anna rest ob us can be out onna Screen Proch doing Free Range onna'count obba fakt dat we don't hab Ishoos.

And den, says Maman, MissyBun and I can be inna Porch Pen and Clover and Beeb can be Free Range.

Maman calls dis Taking Turns and she says dat this is "Only Fair".

Mr Mouse says dat there issa hole in Maman's reasoning onna'count obba fakt dat he seems to be eidder Free Range wif Missy and me or else in his habbytat, or else, Maman says, he'll hab to sort ob form a Bond wif Missy and me.

Now, I dunno if I wanna share my wifebun wif Mr Mouse, and MissyBun isn't at all sure if she ebben wants to be shared, and Mr Mouse sure isn't sure if he wants to share in habbin' a wife-bun since dat would mean whut he calls Dire 'Sponsibilities dat he has managed to avoid for da last eight years, and isn't sure he wants to take on now, at dis time in his life.

But Maman says dat if Mr Mouse is gonna share da Porch Pen wif MissyBun and me, he's gonna end up inna Three-Way-Bond.

Skerry Thought.

But Maman is habbin it.

And she is habbin dis "Thought", Out Loud, to Dadda while she was also finking Out Loud aboud geddin Noo Porch Chairs (afta we hab gone to alla Trubble to chin alla ones dat are out dere atta momint!) because she doesn't like Aluminimuinuminum.

So while da Noo Porch Pen seems to be Great, we are faced wiffa anudder Noo Problem, which is namely Forced Bonding.

Mebbe.

Now we hab alreddy managed to put up wiffa Dawg anna Catz, but put up wif each udder?

Whut is she, Nutz?

As Mouse sed last nite, "Sumbun hasta stop dis womin frum finking. Whenebber she finks, why are we allus da ones dat wind up habbin to pay for it?"

And I sed I didn't know, but as I sed bifore, it sure seems dat way. I mean, it's wike, she decides dat she and Dadda hab to go on "Bay-Kay-Shun" and we get Phil anna'Lanna, and den she brings home dis Porch Pen and suddinly, we are hearing talk about "Forced Bonding" inna Threesome!

I mean, Whuttaheck? Whut's wrong wif dis pikchur, fellow bunnies?

Dere has got to be some kinda lever inside ob Maman's hed dat will turn off her finking. And it's up to us, Alla Us Togedder, as always, to find it and move it innu da "Off" position.

Udderwise, we are gonna hab BIG more problems heer!

Lemme tell you!

---------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 6:29 AM EDT
Saturday, 3 June 2006
George's Sixth Strand: Day Number Three
Now Playing: YEAH!

Oh yeah! I DID it! I am HEER!

And it isn't ebben June da 4th!

YEAH!

I told you I would finda way to ged onna 'puter to type a entry inna Hay Diaries and I did! I am heer!

So whut's been going on?

Well, lemme tell you...

While Maman and Dadda are gone away, Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna hab bin heer. Yeah. And while da FOOD (an all-impawtant con-siddy-ray-shun) has continued to be good (fanks to Maman who left a whole lotta De-Tailed 'Struct-shuns) fings onna Sekurity Frunt hab been a widdle onna Uncertain Side Obba Street.

At least if you axt Da Dawg who has Sekurity Issuhoos to begin wif.

Yeah.

You see, da Pwoblem has gen'rally been dat dere is Nite. Ebben though Phil-da-Lad has been carefully 'Structed to LEEB ONNA LIGHTS in Certain Rooms inna Houz, (and he does!) Da Dawg still gets his Anxiety Complex going as soon as it gets to be NITE around heer. AND, onna'count obba fakt dat dere is no Maman or Dadda heer, Da Dawg gets to
Pacing and
Peeping and just
Gen'rally Werrying 'bout all KINDS ob Stoopit Stuff, and keeping Alla Us Togedder heer in Our Warren awake by axting us when Maman and Dadda are coming back.

Anna ansure to dat one is, "Howdaheck do we Bunnies know?"

Cos nobun consulted Alla Us Togedder, dat's for sure!

Howebber, dis is all unnerstandable, onna'count obba fakt datta Dawg has been left OnAlone too much inna Previous Time (which is why NoBunny EnnyWhere shuld ebber be left OnAlone!). And because ob dat Previous Time whenna Dawg was nebber shure if ennybun was ebber gonna come back for him again, he is allus afraid dat nobun is ebber gonna come back for him again.

So he
Paces and
Peeps and just
Gen'rally Werries himself nutz alla time he can't aktually SEE his hoomins.

So Da Dawg is being his usushal Pesty Self and bodderingdaheck outta Alla Us Togedder when Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna aren't aktchually standing rite HEER inna middle obba houz, making noise and talking to each udder, if not toda Dawg, himself.

But da Good News issat Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna decided dat dey wanted to habba Pawtee, so they spent a Coupla Days cleaning uppa Screen Porch, and staying rite HEER where Da Dawg could see dem, so he was preddy happy about dat.

It doesn't take much to make Da Dawg happy (simple fings for simple minds...).

Budda Catz, onna udder paw, are somefing else again, which is preddy usushal, when you come to fink abouddit, onna'count obba fakt dat NUFFING makes Da Catz happy to begin wif.

Well, hokay, WUN Fing makes dem happy and dat is complaining, but Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna hab Three Cats, inklooding Queen KayCee, Princess Priss, and no kitty inna whole Werld can complain like her, not ebben Cokie-da-Fat-Cat (and he knows dis!) - so Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna preddy much know how to Ignore Useless Cat Complaints.

Hokay, TWO Fings makes Cokie-da-Fat-Cat happy, but Phil isn't ebber, nebber again gonna take him to get Chikin Fingers inna car ebber again. Phil sed dat whin he brought Cokie-da-Fat-Cat home frum dere da Last Time and him and alla Rent-A-Teens was bleeding and had been banned frumma Burger King onna'count obba fakt dat Cokie-da-Fat-Cat had tried to motor IN fru da Drive-Thru Winder ober top ob Phil's hed to ged his order ob Chikin Fingers OUT frumma Burger King.

A Bad Time Was Had By All - 'cept for Cokie-da-Fat-Cat who had a berry GOOD TIME, 'cept for habbing had his tail and leg pulled on a widdle bit by Jeff and Sherwin hanging on trying to stop him frum motoring ober Phil's hed to get innu da Burger King Drive-Thru Winder...

So, ennyways, Da Catz are complaining uppastairs in their Apawtmint onna'count obba fakt dat Phil anna'Lanna aren't Dadda, and Beep-da-Cat is happy because anna'Lanna has combed her fur and cut out alla tangles dat Beep can't reach onna'count obba fakt dat she is too fat.

And Alla Us Togedder are gedding Salad and pellets and a fair amount ob Timothy Hay frumma Hay Locker outside. We are also gedding TREATS which is berry impawtant, 'cept it seems wike Maman has told Phil anna'Lanna sumfing aboud limiting raisins to only FIVE per bunny which is preddy much hare-essy, if you axt me!

I mean, dese are RAISINS, and they come inna tub, forcryingoutloud. Who counts raisins dat come inna tub? Da fing to do, as I see it, is to put da tub innu each bunny's habbytat and let da bunnies decide how menny raisins dey want. We can sorta come and go as we please, innan'outta da tub, you see, onna'count obba fakt datta tub is big enuf to get our heds inside obbit (if you put your ears rite down flat) and den grab a raisin and back out. And if Missy goes and clogs uppa opening obba tub, I can just chew a hole inna side and get in dat way, because I am berry good at chewing a hole and don't mind it if I hab to do it, not if dere are raisins involved...

So we're doing preddy good heer, I fink. Dere is wots ob food, and we hab enuf compiny ('cept forda Dawg, who can nebber hab enuf compiny!), and it is cool and nice inside obba houz. Ob course we miss Maman and Dadda, but Phil anna'Lanna are good at taking care ob Alla Us Togedder, just like Maman sed dey wuld be.

Frankly, I didn't 'speckt ennyfing less obba Bunsitters, cos as Maman says, "Only da BEST for Our Warren."

--------------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 11:03 AM EDT

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