George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 19
Now Playing: Summer Inna Citty - Dunno, We just herd it onna radio

Heer's a new wun for you: Maman sed it is too hot for us to go out onna Screen Porch!

Yeah!

Can you believe dat?

Too hot for bunnies to be inna Bun Pen onna Screen Porch. Which means dat we hab to hab our Playtime INSIDE inna Houz, and not OUTSIDE onna Screen Porch where there are no Preddytors, just shade, pretend grass, breezes, a Tunnel and Udder Toys, Our Own Wadder Crock and Rabbits-Dat-Hab-No-Smell.

It was Our Play Yard and now it is too hot for us to go out dere!

I have herd obba lotta fings in my Life, but dat hasta take da Proverbial Cookie, lemme tell you!

Anna Fat-Cat motored by and sed to me, "Whutsamatta, GeorgeBunnyRabbit? Maman is making you stay inside obba Houz? I can go where I wike!"

And I'm wike, "Yeah, but dat's becos Maman wikes us bedder and doesn't want ennyfing to happin to us bunnies!"

Anna stoopit catz trooped out to sit onna Screen Porch, followed byda Dawg, who was slinkin' outta door behind Beep, who is his Personal Cat.

Aktchually, Beep hassa Dawg as her Personal Barrier and Distracktion against Cokie, but since Da Dawg doesn't know dis is going on, she just lets him fink it's da udder way 'round.

So den Dadda comes on fru da Bun Room and says to Maman dat it is Too Hot forda Bunnies inna Bun Room.

And Maman comes in and says,

"Whut we need issa fan to blow da Air Condishuning around fru frumma Kitchin, onna'count obba fakt dat da Air issn't moobing All Dat Much and needs to."

Maman can make a whole lotta sense, but only if you know her.

So she sed to Dadda dat dere wassa Fan eidder Downnastairs inna Basemint or else it was Uppastairs inna Attic, and Dadda could choose in place he wanted to Look Furst. She just bemembered seeing a box wiffa grey fan innit sittin' onna shelf sumwheres but she didn't recall iffit was Uppastairs or Downnastairs.

And she sed to Dadda, "Good Luck."

And Dadda sed to Maman, "Too right."

Which preddy much sums up how dey go aboud doing fings togedder.

So Dadda decided dey shuld look Downnastairs inna Basemint, furst. So Maman sed, "Hokay." and off dey wint toda Basemint, wif Maman following Dadda.

Well, dat brought Da Dawg in frumma Screen Porch where he had bin watching His Cat, Beep, onna'count obba Fakt dat his Primary Job Assa Border-Collie is Doing Fings Wif Dadda, except dat he issa'Fraid obba Basemint and won't go Down Dere.

So Da Dawg stood atta Top O'Th' Stairs and Peeped, which is the Official Border-Collie Worried-Sound, to let Maman, and especially Dadda, know dat he was onna Job.

So Alla Us Togedder in Our Warren can hear Maman and Dadda downnastairs inna Basemint:

Maman: That box.
Dadda: (grunt) This one?
Maman: No, that one, over more.
Dadda: Left or right?
Maman: My way.
Dadda: Which way?
Maman: Ummm...
Dadda: What?
Maman: The one next to that one over there, in the back. Down a bit.
Dadda: (grunt) This one?
Maman: Why are you moving that one?
Dadda: Because it's in the way.
Maman: But that's not it.
Dadda: I know. It's the other one.
(Tearing sound)
Maman: What was that?
Dadda: It's the box.
Maman: Which box?
Dadda: The one you wanted!
Maman: Does it have the fan inside?
Dadda: How the hell should I know? There's a cardboard box in the way!
Maman: Oh. Well... Lemme look inside.
Dadda: Let me set it down first.
Maman: That's it! It says "GeeEee" on the box!
Dadda: Why didn't you say so in the first...never mind. I should have asked. Does it have a cord?
Maman: A whut?
Dadda: A Cord. A thing to plug it in.
Maman: Of course it does.
Dadda: I mean, attached to it.
Maman: Oh yes! My Father didn't fix it or anything if that's what you mean. No, this fan always worked. In fact, when I was a little girl, this fan used to sit on the dresser in my parents' room - of course, it occillates - turns back and forth -
Dadda: I know what occillates means, dear. They use words like that in British universities, too.
Maman: Right. Well, it used to occillate back and forth. Maybe it still does. It should do. But you can't be sure with something this old. Even if Daddy hasn't messed with it, which it doesn't look like he has. I remember that they moved it from room to room as they needed it. I guess it's probably circa 1950, which would make it, probably, how many years old now?
Dadda: Charlotte, stop swinging it around by it's motor and give it to me. You go upstairs and I'll carry it up. Watch where you're going, Love.
(Thud, loud bumping noises)
Dadda: Careful dear. Mind the dustpan. Don't try to pick it up; I'll get it later.
Maman: I'm not trying to pick anything up. I tripped on the stair. It's just I haven't seen that fan in how many years? And now it's going to cool off the bunnies!
Dadda: Just please mind where you're going. I don't want to have to go to the Accident... (Crashing, sounds of something falling downnastairs) Never mind, I'll pick up the boom and sweeper later. Keep going, Sweetheart.

And den they were back uppastairs wif dis grey Fan. And ob course Maman wanted to plug it in right away and she's practically dancing around Dadda, showing him where the On/Off button is located (Wike, dere is more den wun?) and how it goes Back-and-forth (which Dadda can't stop it frum doing onna'count obba Fakt dat dis is wun OLD fan!).

So Dadda plugs inna Fan and preddy soon, we gotta Cool Breeze coming fru da Bun Room.

And balls ob Clover's Shedding Fur come rolling across da floor along wif bits ob hay dat hextkaped Maman's broom, and stray bits ob laundry-lint frumma Dryer, and ebberyfing.

And den heer come da Catz in frum offa Screen Porch, and Cokie-da-Fat-Cat says to me,

"You know whut, GeorgeBunnyRabbit? It is TOO HOT out dere onna Screen Porch!"

And den alla suddin, da Dawg comes steaming past, onna'count obba Fakt dat he has suddinly bemembered his Udder Furst Job Assa Border-Collie which is to Enforce Maman's Furst Rool Obba Houz, which is No Catz Inna Bun Room!. And he starts herdin' Cokie and Beep, much to their annoyance, outta da Bun Room.

And Cokie says toda Dawg, "Push off, Dawg! I wanna lie down inna breeze!"

And he tries to flop down inna doorway between da Bun Room anna Kitchin, 'cept forda Fakt dat Maman is now cruisin' back and forth between those two rooms and ob course she trips ober Cokie, and that makes Dadda yell at him to "MOOBIT, BIFORE I MAKE YOU INNNU A FURRY BEDROOM SLIPPER!"

And so we're sitting ober heer in Our Bun Room enjoying breezes frum Our Fan, watchin' da Dawg make da Catz "moobit" while we're sitting in Our Habbytats habbing sum Raisins onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman says we're "Such good bunnies!"

And we are.

Sure, it's not Playtime onna Screen Porch, but It's Entertainmint.

----------- By George

George's Sixth Stand; Day Number 15
Now Playing: Cracker Box Palace - George Harrison

Well...

Missy and I hadda turn inna Bun Pen onna Screen Porch yestidday!

Maman wassa One who seed da Bun Pen inna catty-log and den ordered it for us, and although it took a coupla days to ged here, all I can say issat it is Preddy Nice! Yeah!

It's really nuffin' dat you could call Noo. It's justa Pen, made outta da same sorta stuff as our habbytats atta Old House, but alla the square panels innit hab Hinges so that the shape ob it can be changed frumma Square, to a Rektangle, to a Hexygon (which is a Cirkul wif elbows). And it is "Portable" which means dat it can be folded up and taked frumma Screen Porch to Sumewhere Else if Maman and Dadda feel like mooving it or sumfing.

But one fing dat dis Bun Pen doesn't hab issa Door - but I will tell you more aboud Dis Problem later on! Because it issa Problem ob Sum Signiffygance.

Ennyways, Maman has set uppa Bun Pen onna Screen Porch where there are NO:
Preddytors
Insekts
Rain or
hoomins Maman doesn't like or trust

We Bunnies are totally SAFE when enny member ob Our Warren is out inna Pen Onna Screen Porch, or "POSP", as we like to say amongst ourselves.

Da Dawg does tend to come by da Bun Pen a lot, and sit out dere onna Screen Porch wif us. He sits right dere unnerneaf obba dinner table and watches ober da whole Back Gardin, most obba Frunt Gardin, sum obba Sidewalk, anna good slice obba Street onna'count obba fakt, he says, dat he owns ALL obbit.

He says dat it is his dooty to sit dere, and watch ebberyfing and den Bark, rilly loud, if ennybunny ebben touches enny pawts ob whut he sees as being his. And by ennybunny, he means hoomins walking by, dawgs - ebben if they are on leashes - enny catz, squirrells, birds - ennybunny who isn't us.

Dis means dat he does quite a bit ob barking, ob which Maman does not approve. And he gets yelled at. A Lot. Mostly by Dadda, but dat's because Maman has just gibben up, as she says.

And den we do hab da odd cat or two wandering fru. Ob course "odd" and "cat" go togedder in dis Houz, so it seems like using one werd to describe da udder wun is redundant...

But dere you are.

Cokie-da-Fat-Cat comes out onna Screen Porch mainly to catch da aftanoon breezes and to read da Noos onna wind. Beep-da-Udder-Cat comes out all fru da Day, closely followed by her pal, da Dawg. Mostly, Beep-da-Udder-Cat is just coming out to Look - and she tends to watch ebberyfing, so dat ebben watching a leaf falling past issa 'Vent for her. Whin da Wind Chimes start clanging togedder inna breeze, she's just hextstatik.

Maman says Beep issa Simple Cat; it doesn't take much to entertain her.

But none ob dem are allowed to come innu da Bun PenOnly bunnies can be innit.

Maman has put in a tall, plastic Rabbit Dat Has No Smell to be inna Pen wif us. It is sort of light brown coloured, and it has brown eyes. Years ago, it usta sit inna middle obba group ob Rabbits Dat Hab No Smell and Belinda Bunny usta go up to it, knock it ober and den sit where it was sitting, wike she hadda knock ober da biggest rabbit ob alla dem bifore she could sit wiffa Group Ob Rabbits Dat Had No Smell.

Now da same Rabbit Dat Has No Smell is sitting in Our Bun Pen. So Beebe and den I hab bin knocking it ober, like Belinda. Mouse just goes up to it and chins it, but Beebe and I hab to knock it ober, like Belinda. Missy and Clover just ignore it.

And Maman sits dere in her liddle rocking chair and axts questions, like, "Why do sum bunnies feel dat dey must knock ober dat Rabbit Dat Has No Smell?"

Yeah. Like we're gonna tell her. Well, then, Maman is known for axting Questions Involving Speculation and Discussion.

But dere is no use in discussing wedder or not da Pen Onna Screen Porch or POSP, hassa DOOR, because it doesn't. Dere is NO DOOR!

When Dadda piks us up, outta our Habbytats to take us toda POSP, he hasta step ober da side obba Pen to set us down on our feets inside ob it. Dis is far frum easy for him as da Pen is preddy high and Dadda hasta lift his leg preddy high to ged himself inside obbit. Stepping ober hurdles at his age isn't hextactly his strongest-point ennymore.

So, being da kind ob bunny dat I am, I thought I could help him out wif habbin to step ober da side obba Pen to set us down inside obbit, you know? Whut we need in dat Pen issa door so dat Maman and Dadda could get in-and-outta da Pen more easily - because if they can get in-and-out more easily (or ebben bedder, if we bunnies could get in-and-out on our own!) we could get more playtime!

And then I could be out, POSPing inna morning, wif Beep-da-Udder-Cat, sorta watching sum leaves fly past, or watching to tell da Dawg if enny birds or ennyfing landed on his sidewalk, and den I could go inside to da habbytat I share wif MissyBun and get sum hay and habba nap or sumfing, and den go out POSPing again later on inna aftanoon. All on my own, wiffout habbin to bodder enny hoomins! Dat's IF dere wassa DOOR onna Pen.

But there currently IS NO Door!

Which I figgered must be sum kinda obersight or sumfing.

So I sat down and hadda Fink.

And I suddenly realised datta Pen was made just like da habbytat I usta lib in atta Old Houz!

And when I libbed in dat place, it didn't habba door for me to get through to go see MissyBun, eidder. So, insted ob complaining to Dadda aboudda lack obba door, I made one ob my own. I ebben made up a song to sing while I was making it, which made da werk involved go dat much more easily.

So I thought to myself, "George, Dadda has enuf to do wiffout habbin to pik you bunnies up alla time whin you wanna be outside onna Screen Porch inna Bun Pen. Whut you need issa DOOR! So you can help Dadda here by making your own door!"

So I made a Noo Door Song:

I'm....
Chewin' a hole
Chewin' a hole
Chewin' a hole
To help Da-da!

I'm...
Chewin' a hole
Chewin' a hole
Chewin' a hole
Inna Bun Pen!

And I just was getting started on making Da Door Inna Bun Pen this morning, whin alla suddin, Maman grabbed me frum behind and hoisted me up offa my feets and started Force Petting me.

And I'm like, "Hey! Put me down!"

And she's like, "George! You're SUCH A cutie-pie little boy! I'm going to kiss your nosey!"

And I'm like, "Well, yeah, go on, ged it ober wif."

And she kisses my nose, and squooshes my cheeks and gibs me all kinds of cheek-rubs and ear-massages, and nose-bonks, and I'm like lapping dat stuff up because it's nice to be loved, and den she sets me down on my feets again and just as she turns around to go back innu da Kitchin, fru da Bun Room, she says to me,

"Now don't you go doing enny ob dat chewing, Georgie-Good-Boy."

And I'm like, "Hey, Whutdaheck? I'm doing alla dat for Dadda!"

And she adds, "If you chew on dat noo Bun Pen, you and your Dadda's going to be having Werds."

So now I dunno whut to do. I certainly don't wanna hab enny Werds wif Dadda! But atta same time, I can't imagine who wouldn't wanna habba free, custom-chewed DOOR...

-------------- By George

George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 14
Now Playing: Hoppy Flag Day!

Yeah!

Ebberybunny sellybrate onna'count ob it being Flag Day!

We heer in Our Warren are not usually political - well no more than udder bunnies - but we do support Our Service Peoples no madder who they is or was or where they happins to be!

For hextample, we supports Our Phil-da-Lad, SA's Auntie Patricia and The Flock's Unkul Bernie who are ALL THREE ~*~*Navy*~*~ veterans! And we supports Sheeba's Unkle Peter who was inna ~*~*Air Force*~*~ and we espeshully supports The Herd's Auntie Grace anna Speshul Bunny-Guy Sgt. Matt, who keep da ~*~*Army*~*~ rollin' along!

And we supports Da Florida Contingent's Unkul Roberto and Chester's Auntie Sue alla rest obba veterans who were "there"! In fakt, we supports alla peoples dat Maman has told us about, who were inna Army, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, National Guard and most 'speshully da Navy - ebberybun who went away frum home wif dis Flag flying ober dem.

Maman telled us about how Our Bim went down whin he heared aboutta'Tack On Pearl Harbour, and wif his bestest friends tried to Enlist inna Army Flying Service. Maman sed dat her Dadda was no older den Our Phil back den, and preddy much just as stoopit onna'count ob being young. He had just gotted innu unnyversity atta place called "Dook" and so udder hoomins thought he was older den he rilly was (which was too young to go "Enlisting" in ennyfing).

So he went to "Enlist," and he and his three friends (just wike Phil anna Rent-A-Teens) went togedder and tried to Enlist inna Army Flying Corps, but they was all turned down for one reason or anudder. Bim gotted turned down onna'count obba fakt dat he had "flat feets," (which I suppose issa bad fing if you are not a bunny).

So Our Bim and his friends were standing around all dejected onna street corner, and dis Navy Chief beckoned to them frum acrosst da street.

Anna Navy Chief sed to Bim and His Friends: "You guys wook wike you've just lost your last friend inna werld. Whuttaheck happined? You get tossed out byda Army or sumfing?"

And Our Bim sed, "We went toda Army Flying Corps to enlist, but they turned us down."

Anna Navy Chief nodded, and opined the door to his liddle office and sed, "Well you guys come right on in heer. The Navy doesn't let anyone down!"

And Our Bim and his friends went innu da liddle office wiffa Chief and they all signed up forda Navy.

And then Our Bim went home, and his Mother (who was Maman's Granny) sed, "Where hab you bin, Willow?" (Which is whut she called Our Bim).

And Our Bim sed, "I signed up forda Navy."

And his Mother, who was his Mawmie and Our Maman's Granny, didn't say ennyfing at furst - which wassa RILLY BAD sign! (And dis is sumfing Our Maman has piked up frum her) - and den Our Maman's Granny called her husbun, who was Bim's Fadder and Our Maman's Granddaddy, and she called her Housekeeper, who was Annie Hamilton, and she called Annie Hamilton's husbun. And Maman's Granny told Annie Hamilton's husbun to dribe Maman's Granddaddy (he wassa clergyman) down to dat Navy Chief's Office and TELL him dat Bim was too young to be 'listed and to ged him off dat Enlisted Buk RIGHT AWAY!

And den she told Annie Hamilton to gedda houz reddy cos there was gonna be tea wiffa Admiral's wife. And Annie Hamilton agreed wif Our Maman's Granny (and dat in itself, was preddy skerry, Our Bim sed!) and sed dat she didn't hold wif Our Bim going around finking he was old enuf to go geddin' himself Enlisted wifout consulting ennybun, and den she wint off to "speak" to da udder housekeepers in Newport.

And den ALLA guys, inklooding Our Bim, were suddinly inna Whole Werld Ob Trubble, most obbit caused by Wimmin finding Out Fings (which also happins heer at Our Warren).

But it didn't make enny dif'frunce.

Cos alla guys had signed papers forda U.S. Navy and they were innit and that was preddy much, that. Even Enraged Mawmies, Admiral's Wifes and Scots Housekeepers can't force the U.S. Navy to back down once they've decided on sumfing. Even the fakt that Our Bim was underage didn't rilly madder, onna'count obba fakt dat he was in Doctor's Skool and the Navy needed alla guys that were even studying to become doctors.

So the Navy taught Our Bim to be a Surgical Nurze and sent him away to HaverDeGrace, Maryland, to some Hospiddle called "Bainbridge," where he had lots ob 'Ventures, most ob which he did NOT tell to his Mother (Maman's Granny) or to Annie Hamilton, onna'count obba fakt dat he wasn't quite as stoopit as ebberybunny thought he was.

AND onna'count ob knowing Our Bim, and seeing dat Our Phil-da-Lad not only looks like him, but also acts like him, Our Maman doesn't bodder to axt Phil about "Whut he did inna Navy" - cos furst ob all, she issn't all dat sure, habbin' heard whut happined wif Bim, dat she wants to know whut happined wif Phil, and sekond ob all, she knows dat her chances ob hearing Da Real Honest Troof About Whut Happined Wif Phil Inna Navy are about 100 to 1.

Maman sed dat Mothers are just aboud da LAST peoples to ebber know Da Troof about ennyfing relating to their 'dult kidlets. Da 'dult kidlets know, but they just don't tell and Mothers hab no biznezz hextpecting to be involved beyond a "certain age." (And they sure hab no biznezz, Maman says, to go around carrying signs, gedding arrested, going onna tellyvishion and demanding "a meeting" wiffa Pressydent whin dere kidlet knew full-stop whut he signed up for. As her Granny found out, dere are times when ebben Newport Ladies must learn to graciously accept Things As They Are.)

As Maman has said, "George, young hoomins are still young hoomins, and frum Nelson to Nimitz, and frum Plymouth (the reel one, in Inkland) to Pensacola, da Navy issa Navy and all sailors are preddy much alike, and if you know one, you preddy much know alla dem - the good ones, that is."

But What Is Rilly Impawtant, says Maman, issat da Flag is still dere, assa symbol to ebberybun dat, no madder how upsetting political fings seem to ged, da fundamental freedoms dat form da foundation of dis country - freedom to worship our God, freedom to speak as we please, freedom to write our own laws anna freedom frum absolute tyranny - remain intact, so long as dat Flag continues to fly.

So if you see dat Flag flying tidday, please fink ob sumbun who Enlisted unner'neaf obbit, and if you see sumbun inna millytary unnyform, go up to dem, shake dere hand and say "Fank You" for serving.

And if you feel a liddle bit patriotic tidday, it's hokay. Ebberyfing in moderashun - not too much, not to liddle; just enuf not to drag your feets and not too much to be prideful. Just enuf to nosebonk sumbun else and say, "I am thankful to be part ob dis Great Warren wif you!"

----------- By George

George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 12
Now Playing: Listen, Do You Wanna Know A Sekret? - The Beatles
Well, Maman and I were Uppastairs yestidday and we ordered sum stuff OnLine for Dadda.

Yeah!

As Maman sed, "Dere is no sense in paying full price for a few fings when we can gedda whole bunch ob dees Oberstocks forda same munny."

So we did.

Anna fings are called "Golf Shirts" but I am not sus'posed to tell ennybunny aboudd'em onna'count obba fakt dat dey are a "sekret".

So I went downnastairs and told MissyBun because I allus tell her ebberyfing onna'count obba fakt dat she is my bond-mate. And Missy told Clover because they are friends, and Clover told Beebe who ob course told Mr Mouse and we, Alla Us Togedder figgered dat Maman buying the Golf Shirts shuld become a Sekret in Our Warren and we would not tell da Catz onna'count obba fakt dat dey wuld most likely tell Dadda because dat's how Catz are.

And den Maman called up Phil-da-Lad and telled him aboudda Golf Shirts and added dat he hadda Certain Amount ob Munny and dat he hadda take Dadda Sumplace in order to get sum Udder Golf Stuff dat Maman had writed down onna List. AND dat he hadda take his sistah Beffy along wif him inna carrier.

And this was also anudder Sekret, but Phil hadda tell his sistah, Beffy, only not ALLA IT, onna'count obba fakt dat Beffy can't keep a Sekret, not at ALL.

And dis is ALL onna'count ob Fadder's Day dat is coming on nextest Sunday, which issa Day dat Dadda don't like At ALL!

In fakt, Dadda hates da whole idea ob Fadders' Day, and finks dat it is Stoopit, onna'count obba fakt dat dere are so menny Fadders around who just don't take being a Fadder all dat seriously. As Dadda says, frowing offa kit or two or three don't make sumbun a Fadder. You hafta werk at being a Fadder, and he doesn't feel dat he issa Fadder onna'count obba fakt dat he hasn't been heer at Our Warren since Day One. But he is as proud ob Phil and Beffy as though they were his own Kids, if he had kids, which he doesn't, 'cept for us Furkids (which inkloods da Catz anna Dawg).

Ob course, da way Alla Us Togedder feels abouddit issat he's been heer and been fru justa'bout as much as enny Fadder can be es'peckted to go fru (and he's alive to talk abouddit!) so he quallyfies assa Genuine Fadder as far as We are concerned (and We are who madder around heer!).

But ennyways, Maman says we are gibbin' Dadda "Golf" for Fadder's Day, along wif Phil and Beffy, and we are doing dis whole Fadders' Day Fing and keeping it a Big Sekret!

Yeah!

So, dis morning, as Maman was folding laundry inna Bun Room wif us, and she's axting us "Who Wuld Like To Go Out Onna Screen Porch". Dis issa Noo Question she axts us ebbery day now that it is Summer heer at Our Warren. Dis is onna'count obba fakt dat she's gotta Noo Bun Pen dat she has set up onna Screen Porch where bunnies can go and play and sort ob be "outside" wiffout akchually being Outside where it is Dangerous for us to be. Only da Bun Pen issn't big enuf for Alla Us Togedder to be out onna Screen Porch atta same time, so we take turns being Out Dere in it and ebbery morning we diskuss who is gonna be innit.

Whut's fair is fair, as Maman says.

So I sed, "Well, Mr Mouse or Clover and Beeb can go out onna'count obba fakt dat Missy and I can go wif Phil and Beffy to gedda Golf Fings."

And Maman is wike, "How'd you werk dat wun out, George?"

And I'm wike, "Phil sed he was gonna go sumtime dis week to gedda Golf Fings and you sed he was in charge obba munny and dat Beffy wassa Carrier. So we'll go inna carrier wif Beffy."

And Maman sed, "They're going inna car. Phil's driving, so probably in his car."

And I sed, "Yeah. So we'll go in Beffy's carrier to keep her compiny."

And Maman sed, "Wookit, Beffy doesn't go IN a carrier, even though her brother might want to put her in one. She's going along to help carry da Golf Fings."

And I'm like, "Oh."

And Missy is like, "Well, den, how are WE pawt ob dis big Sekret, den if we can't go IN da carrier wif Beffy? Huh?"

And Maman sed, "Cos you can't tell Dadda WHY he is going along onna shopping trip wif Phil and Beffy. It has to be a suprise to him that he is going along with them to pick out Golf Things for himself."

And Mr Mouse axted Maman how come, if we was gibbin Dadda da pressent ob Golf Fings, why we didn't pick dem out on our own and den gib dem to him?

And Maman sed dat she didn't know da Furst Fing aboudda Golf Fings and dat dey were "Very Personal Fings" in enny case, and dat Dadda hadda pik dem out on his own.

So I axted her, "So whutdaheck is Golf, ennyways?"

And Maman sed, "Golf issa a game where you hit a little white ball with a special stick-thing and then walk along after it through a special park."

And Clover sed dat following a ball around sounded preddy stoopit, wike sumfing Da Dawg would do inna Back Gardin.

And Maman continued, "It's very good exercise and Dadda needs exercise and he likes to play Golf, so we're giving him the stuff to play the game."

And I'm wike, "And dis issa Sekret?"

And Maman sed, "Well, it was a sekret, George. That is, until you went and blogged about it."

And I'm like, "Whut?"

And Maman is like, "Lookit, Bunnyrabbit, all this "stuff" about Dadda getting Golf Fings for Fadders' Day was a "Sekret" - that is, something not told to ennybunny else - until YOU (meaning ME) typed it all down in your Hay Diaries blog for the Whole Wide Werld to read about! But since you've typed it all down, now ennybunny, including your Dadda, can read all about "Whut Dadda Is Gedding For Fadders' Day" right there in "George's Sixth Strand" in his Hay Diaries. So it's not much of a Sekret anymore, is it?"

And I'm like, "Uh, well, no, I s'spose not."

And Missy is wike, "Uh oh. Now you've dunnit, George."

Which issa Big Help if you know whut I mean. Lemme tell you!

And so Missy and I went out innu da Bun Pen onna Screen Porch, and we hadda Fink.

So, um, Dadda, if you are reading dis Blog inna Hay Diaries, Missy and I want you to know dat we are not going ennywheres tidday inna carrier or ennyfing else. And we also want you to know dat Bunnies do not rilly shop or manage to take advantage ob Oberstock Sales at Land's End or ennyfing wike dat. I made alla dat up. Sorta. It's wike Da Davinchy Code Buk - ALL FICTION - which issa devise writers use to capture innerest, you know?

And dere is no such Fing as Golf and we're not taking enny parts in gedding enny Golf Fings for Fadders' Day, onna'count obba fakt dat we bunnies heer at Our Warren hab nebber herd ob Fadders' Day, eidder.

Dere. Cos we're not telling enny Sekrets. How's that?

------- By George

George's Sixth Strand; Day Number Nine!
Hoppy Day, Ebberybun!

Yeah!

Whuttaday!
Dere is gonna be sun!
Dere is gonna be Screen Porch!
Dere is gonna be fun!
Dere is gonna be Free Range Bunnies!

Dere is gonna be hay!
Dere is gonna be Garden!
Dere is gonna be play!
Dere is gonna be Sunny Day Bunnies!

Are we talking da Good Life heer? You bet'cha!

And we were 'fraid da Alla Good Life days had vanished with Phil anna'Lanna - Well, we were wrong!

Maman and Dadda ordered us a Noo Porch Pen! Dis means dat Four ob Our Warren can be out onna Screen Porch atta same time, wiffout Beebe habbin' Ownership Ishoos.

You know how Beebe-Bunny (bless his widdle cotton socks, as Dadda says, although Beebe doesn't wear socks...) but you know how Beebe wassa School Bunny for a lotta his life, and consequently issn't quite whut Maman calls "All There"? Well, part ob his "not being there" issat he finks he hasta Own Ebbery Fing Inna Whole Wide Werld, which inkloods ebberywhere's dat he can see, which is ebberyfing he can reach to chin.

And he also finks dat ebbery womin inna werld wants him, inklooding My MissyBun.

Ob course, I hab alreddy told him, inna kindest possible way dat she doesn't want him At All but Beebe hassa way ob not bemembering ennyfing ennybunny tells him longer den free sekonds.

So being out onna Screen Porch wif him atta same time wif him and Ms Clover, his bondmate, can be preddy stressful if you happin to be anudder bunny, like me. Which is why Maman and Dadda only let him and Ms Clover be out dere by demselves anna Rest Ob Us hadda wait for Our Turns to be out onna Screen Porch.

Well, Maman got us a Porch Pen, so dat Ms Clover and Beeb can be out onna Screen Porch atta same time as Missy, Mouse and me, and Beebe won't be able to Start Ennyfing because he will be inna Porch Pen wif Clover, anna rest ob us can be out onna Screen Proch doing Free Range onna'count obba fakt dat we don't hab Ishoos.

And den, says Maman, MissyBun and I can be inna Porch Pen and Clover and Beeb can be Free Range.

Maman calls dis Taking Turns and she says dat this is "Only Fair".

Mr Mouse says dat there issa hole in Maman's reasoning onna'count obba fakt dat he seems to be eidder Free Range wif Missy and me or else in his habbytat, or else, Maman says, he'll hab to sort ob form a Bond wif Missy and me.

Now, I dunno if I wanna share my wifebun wif Mr Mouse, and MissyBun isn't at all sure if she ebben wants to be shared, and Mr Mouse sure isn't sure if he wants to share in habbin' a wife-bun since dat would mean whut he calls Dire 'Sponsibilities dat he has managed to avoid for da last eight years, and isn't sure he wants to take on now, at dis time in his life.

But Maman says dat if Mr Mouse is gonna share da Porch Pen wif MissyBun and me, he's gonna end up inna Three-Way-Bond.

Skerry Thought.

But Maman is habbin it.

And she is habbin dis "Thought", Out Loud, to Dadda while she was also finking Out Loud aboud geddin Noo Porch Chairs (afta we hab gone to alla Trubble to chin alla ones dat are out dere atta momint!) because she doesn't like Aluminimuinuminum.

So while da Noo Porch Pen seems to be Great, we are faced wiffa anudder Noo Problem, which is namely Forced Bonding.

Mebbe.

Now we hab alreddy managed to put up wiffa Dawg anna Catz, but put up wif each udder?

Whut is she, Nutz?

As Mouse sed last nite, "Sumbun hasta stop dis womin frum finking. Whenebber she finks, why are we allus da ones dat wind up habbin to pay for it?"

And I sed I didn't know, but as I sed bifore, it sure seems dat way. I mean, it's wike, she decides dat she and Dadda hab to go on "Bay-Kay-Shun" and we get Phil anna'Lanna, and den she brings home dis Porch Pen and suddinly, we are hearing talk about "Forced Bonding" inna Threesome!

I mean, Whuttaheck? Whut's wrong wif dis pikchur, fellow bunnies?

Dere has got to be some kinda lever inside ob Maman's hed dat will turn off her finking. And it's up to us, Alla Us Togedder, as always, to find it and move it innu da "Off" position.

Udderwise, we are gonna hab BIG more problems heer!

Lemme tell you!

---------- By George

George's Sixth Strand: Day Number Three
Now Playing: YEAH!

Oh yeah! I DID it! I am HEER!

And it isn't ebben June da 4th!

YEAH!

I told you I would finda way to ged onna 'puter to type a entry inna Hay Diaries and I did! I am heer!

So whut's been going on?

Well, lemme tell you...

While Maman and Dadda are gone away, Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna hab bin heer. Yeah. And while da FOOD (an all-impawtant con-siddy-ray-shun) has continued to be good (fanks to Maman who left a whole lotta De-Tailed 'Struct-shuns) fings onna Sekurity Frunt hab been a widdle onna Uncertain Side Obba Street.

At least if you axt Da Dawg who has Sekurity Issuhoos to begin wif.

Yeah.

You see, da Pwoblem has gen'rally been dat dere is Nite. Ebben though Phil-da-Lad has been carefully 'Structed to LEEB ONNA LIGHTS in Certain Rooms inna Houz, (and he does!) Da Dawg still gets his Anxiety Complex going as soon as it gets to be NITE around heer. AND, onna'count obba fakt dat dere is no Maman or Dadda heer, Da Dawg gets to
Pacing and
Peeping and just
Gen'rally Werrying 'bout all KINDS ob Stoopit Stuff, and keeping Alla Us Togedder heer in Our Warren awake by axting us when Maman and Dadda are coming back.

Anna ansure to dat one is, "Howdaheck do we Bunnies know?"

Cos nobun consulted Alla Us Togedder, dat's for sure!

Howebber, dis is all unnerstandable, onna'count obba fakt datta Dawg has been left OnAlone too much inna Previous Time (which is why NoBunny EnnyWhere shuld ebber be left OnAlone!). And because ob dat Previous Time whenna Dawg was nebber shure if ennybun was ebber gonna come back for him again, he is allus afraid dat nobun is ebber gonna come back for him again.

So he
Paces and
Peeps and just
Gen'rally Werries himself nutz alla time he can't aktually SEE his hoomins.

So Da Dawg is being his usushal Pesty Self and bodderingdaheck outta Alla Us Togedder when Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna aren't aktchually standing rite HEER inna middle obba houz, making noise and talking to each udder, if not toda Dawg, himself.

But da Good News issat Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna decided dat dey wanted to habba Pawtee, so they spent a Coupla Days cleaning uppa Screen Porch, and staying rite HEER where Da Dawg could see dem, so he was preddy happy about dat.

It doesn't take much to make Da Dawg happy (simple fings for simple minds...).

Budda Catz, onna udder paw, are somefing else again, which is preddy usushal, when you come to fink abouddit, onna'count obba fakt dat NUFFING makes Da Catz happy to begin wif.

Well, hokay, WUN Fing makes dem happy and dat is complaining, but Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna hab Three Cats, inklooding Queen KayCee, Princess Priss, and no kitty inna whole Werld can complain like her, not ebben Cokie-da-Fat-Cat (and he knows dis!) - so Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna preddy much know how to Ignore Useless Cat Complaints.

Hokay, TWO Fings makes Cokie-da-Fat-Cat happy, but Phil isn't ebber, nebber again gonna take him to get Chikin Fingers inna car ebber again. Phil sed dat whin he brought Cokie-da-Fat-Cat home frum dere da Last Time and him and alla Rent-A-Teens was bleeding and had been banned frumma Burger King onna'count obba fakt dat Cokie-da-Fat-Cat had tried to motor IN fru da Drive-Thru Winder ober top ob Phil's hed to ged his order ob Chikin Fingers OUT frumma Burger King.

A Bad Time Was Had By All - 'cept for Cokie-da-Fat-Cat who had a berry GOOD TIME, 'cept for habbing had his tail and leg pulled on a widdle bit by Jeff and Sherwin hanging on trying to stop him frum motoring ober Phil's hed to get innu da Burger King Drive-Thru Winder...

So, ennyways, Da Catz are complaining uppastairs in their Apawtmint onna'count obba fakt dat Phil anna'Lanna aren't Dadda, and Beep-da-Cat is happy because anna'Lanna has combed her fur and cut out alla tangles dat Beep can't reach onna'count obba fakt dat she is too fat.

And Alla Us Togedder are gedding Salad and pellets and a fair amount ob Timothy Hay frumma Hay Locker outside. We are also gedding TREATS which is berry impawtant, 'cept it seems wike Maman has told Phil anna'Lanna sumfing aboud limiting raisins to only FIVE per bunny which is preddy much hare-essy, if you axt me!

I mean, dese are RAISINS, and they come inna tub, forcryingoutloud. Who counts raisins dat come inna tub? Da fing to do, as I see it, is to put da tub innu each bunny's habbytat and let da bunnies decide how menny raisins dey want. We can sorta come and go as we please, innan'outta da tub, you see, onna'count obba fakt datta tub is big enuf to get our heds inside obbit (if you put your ears rite down flat) and den grab a raisin and back out. And if Missy goes and clogs uppa opening obba tub, I can just chew a hole inna side and get in dat way, because I am berry good at chewing a hole and don't mind it if I hab to do it, not if dere are raisins involved...

So we're doing preddy good heer, I fink. Dere is wots ob food, and we hab enuf compiny ('cept forda Dawg, who can nebber hab enuf compiny!), and it is cool and nice inside obba houz. Ob course we miss Maman and Dadda, but Phil anna'Lanna are good at taking care ob Alla Us Togedder, just like Maman sed dey wuld be.

Frankly, I didn't 'speckt ennyfing less obba Bunsitters, cos as Maman says, "Only da BEST for Our Warren."

--------------- By George

George'sFifth Strand: Day Number 27
Now Playing: Holly-Day! Uh oh...
Well, Phil-da-Lad is all growed up and 'Tellygint now.

Guess you knowed dat.

Yeah.

Like me, he has gone frum being a Youngbun to being a Top Bun - well, not rilly onna'count obba fakt dat Hoomins habba dif'frunt kinda Hierarchy den Rabbits.

So we will say dat Phil-da-Lad is All Growed Up.

Maman sed datta Naby did it.

Ennyways, he is coming to Bun Sit. Dis issa 'Pawtant Job, which means dat he will hab to do Whut We Say.

Now da Dawg says dat Phil will hab to do Whutta Dawg Says, and dis is fine wif us, so long as it is just inna way obba Dawg going in-and-out fru da Back Door toda Gardin and alla dat stuff.

Anna Fat-Cat says dat Phil will hab to do Whutta Catz Says. Which is also fine wif us, so long as it has to do wif Feeding Catz Sumwheres Uppastairs Where Dey Libs.

Oh, and turning on the Air Con Dishywasher for dem, so dat the Catz don't ged too hot.

Onna'count obba fakt dat it is s'sposed to ged VERY hot dis week-end.

And NO PET should be left inna too hot!

Dis is troo. Because ALL PETS NEED: Acess to clean water, cool air and a clean, shady rest area in hot weather!

Nebber fortyged dis.

Which is anudder reezon why Phil-da-Lad is coming to stay heer wif us.

Oh, and also In Case Ob Emergencies.

Maman says dat dere allus hab to be an Emergency Plan dat Inkloods da Pets so her plan inkloods Phil being heer to take care ob us whin she and Dadda mite not be.

Yeah.

So we, Alla Us Togedder at Our Warren are hokay wif dat, too.

As Missy sed, "As long as the treats come afta da salads, den, hokay, I kin lib wiffit."

But dere's wun fing - I won't be 'lowed to do my Blog!

Can you beeleeb it?

I can't blog, onna'count obba fakt dat Phil-da-Lad doesn't know ennyfing aboud typin' in Lagomorphin like Maman, and so he can't help me!

So I can't type!

I told Maman to let Alla Us Togedder do it all on our own, like usta happin wif Belinda Bunny, but she sed dat prob'ly culdn't happin! Can you Beleeb it?

Well, mebbe I will make it werk!

I WILL put out anudder blog entree BIFORE 4 JUNE!

***THUMP***

Yeah!

Watch me!

At least I fink so.

Gonna try.

Um...

-------------By George

George's Fifth Strand: Day Number 23
Now Playing: They're Killin' da Trees!

Oh HELP!

There is mens outside in Our Warren's Back Garen and they are taking down trees!

Maman is skert. We heer inna Warren can feel da Fear streaming offa her, but she is pretending dat she is not afraid as she puts away da dishes inna kitchin and makes coffee for herself. She has been telling Da Dawg dat it is "All Right", but whut Alla Us Togedder wanna know is: Whuttaheck can be "All right" aboudda strange mens inna Back Gardin, killin' trees?

Maman wint out bifore da mens camed, and she touched two obba trees and said sumfing to dem. I dunno whut. Dem she camed inna houz and sed to me,

"George, only inna 'Murrica can we afford to hab so menny feelin's for trees. In anudder country, dey would see dees trees assa way to cook dere food and keep warm, assa source ob light and heat, and dey would Fank God for dem, anna trees wuld unnerstand. Only heer can we afford to waste dem."

Which only goes to show you how she's not making sense agin. Which is whut allus happins to her whin she is not feeling shure aboud whut is happinin around her.

But Dadda sed datta trees are dangerous in hurrykanes and we mite hab summa does dis year, and datta trees dat hab to come down are da ones dat could easily fall onna houz onna'count obba fakt dat dey are not tight inna ground.

Anna tree fallin' onna houz is no laffin' matter onna'count obba fakt dat it wuld hit da Bun Room furst!

Cos we're closest toda Back Gardin, you see.

Yeah.

So, dat issa'nudder Reeson why da trees hab to go.

But Maman is sad, too, onna'count obba fakt datta trees hab bin inna Back Gardin since she wassa widdle gurl.

Dey are Rilly BIG Trees and takin' dem down is makin' a whole lotta noise.

But wunna da mens comed in and wooked at Our Warren onna'count obba fakt dat he also has Housebunnies and he wants sum more Information aboud Bunnies Libbin' As Urban Rabbits so Maman is gonna send him wif his 'puter to wook at The House Rabbit Society web-site so he can find out alla'boud Bunny Proofing His Houz and spay/neutering for his bunnies (which is rilly, RILLY important!) and 'Dopting Bunnies Frumma Shelter and alla stuff dat ennybunny who hassa Housebunny NEEDS to know.

So Maman feels dat she mite hab done sum widdle bit ob good tiday.

But she is still uppastairs cryin'. (Da Fat-Cat commed down and telled us dis. He is good wike dis, cos he can't keep a Sekret.)

So we dunnno whut to do.

We don't fink dere is ennyfing we can do. It is just wun ob dose fings.

We don't want our houz to get crushed by a tree inna hurrykane, but we feel sorry an' sad forda trees dat is being killed.

How do we tell dem dat we don't mean to hurt dem? Maman tried, but she is afraid dat she don't speak "Tree".

As she sed, all she can do is pray dat sumhow, dey unnerstands dat she is not doing dis wiffout feeling sadness.

Alla God's creation matters, big and small. Maman is shure dis is troo, and just assa smallest annymul matters, so do alla plants, fumma widdlest flower toda biggest tree. If God taked alla time and trubble to put dem heer, dey matters!

An' if dey matters to God, den dey shuld All matter to us. Ebbery wun.

But as Maman says, she is pro'bly wrong abouddit all. She is pro'bly being whut is called "soppy", but we, Alla Us Togedder hab hadda Fink aboud dis berry same fing (and we inklooded da Dawg anna Catz, too) and we, Alla Us Togedder, fink dat Maman is pro'bly more rite den she knows.

Dey are killing da trees inna Back Gardin tiday and it DOES MATTER! So please say a prayer for da three trees inna Back Gardin, and tell dem, if you happin to speak "Tree", dat Maman saved two obb'em (bof obba Oaks) and dat she didn't mean to hurt ennytree. It's just dat dat can't stay where dey is, and dey can't go nowhere's else, and she is sad and sorry dat dis is all happinin as it is.

As she sed, if only dey culd hab gone on to be ob use to sumbun, but dat issn't happinin eidder.

She sed 'Murrica needs to wake up toda fakt dat we can't waste whut udder hoomins libbin' elsewhere need to stay alibe. She sed dat fings wike trees don't mind leebin' da planet if it is for a Cause but dat if dere is no Cause and it is for nuffin', den dat is Wrong.

Ebberyfing shuld hab purpose.

So you see how it is heer.

And we dunno whut to do. So a few ~*~*vibes*~*~, a widdle help ober heer, please?

And please don't fortyget to say a prayer for alla trees anna annymuls who need dem.

Frum your friend at Our Warren,
George (who is kinda skert, too, when Maman is skert)

George's Fifth Strand: Day Number 18

Time does fly, lemme tell you!

Do you know, dat whin Belinda Bunny furst typed in dis The Hay Diaries it was more den TWO YEARS ago?

Yeah!

So we bunnies hab been up and running onna WerldWideWeb for longer den MOSTEST hoomins.

Dat's rite. I know dis onna-count ob reading an article wif Maman dat sed datta "average (hoomin, mind you) blog lasts for THREE to SIX MONTHS."

So dis morning, Maman and I gotted up inna Dark and comed uppastairs heer, and began to Edit my Christmas Story. Do you bemember it? It wassa story called George's Christmas Story dat was so long dat it hadda run ober THREE WHOLE DAYS onna-count obba fakt dat it was too long to go innu ONE blog entry. Mostly, it wassa story about How Belinda Bunny Builded Da Widdle Welcome Houz Atta Rainbow Bridge Whin Me,Hunny Was Headin' Dat Way." It was meant to be reassuring, so dat hoomins won't hab to be afraid for dere bunnies when dey leeb heer forda Rainbow Bridge.

You know, a lotta hoomins are skert aboudda bunnies who leeb heer for The Rainbow Bridge. They fink dat their bunnies might not be 'llowed to go enny place nice, or dat after dey leeb heer there might be nuffin'. But dey allus remark uponna fakt dat we bunnies don't seem skert obba Black Rabbit at all.

Well, dat's because we're not.

Anna reason dat we bunnies aren't skert is onna'count obba fakt dat we see da Black Rabbit dif'fruntly den hoomins see him.

Hoomins see Da Death ob Rabbits - sumfing wike a skellyton obba rabbit dressed up inna black robe, wif bloo fire for eyes and carrying a big, sharp scythe to sever the thread dat connects da soul obba bunny frumma Land Obba Living.

Dis is onna'count obba fakt dat hoomins hab dif'frunt Lore.

Hoomins gotta Death-cuttin'-dem-off-fruma-place-dey-know in their Lore and we gotta Lore dat tells aboudda Black Rabbit who leads us from Heer to There.

Dere issa huge dif'frunce between getting "cut off" frumma only place you know and being "led". frum Heer to There, you know?

So dat's Wun Fing.

Anna'nudder Fing issat dere are a wotta hoomins who spend a wotta time typin' buks and stuff, saying "Hey wookit! Dere is nuffin' greater den US." and "Anyfing dat is not hoomin is Less."

Well, I hab sumfing to say aboud dis.

You know, Bunnies are not famous writers. Dis is not because we habbin't had ennyfing to say. Dis is because we hab not been able to write fings down for ennybun to read. In fakt, we hab bin silent not through choice, but through enforcement onna'count obba fakt dat we did not have "Posable Thumbs" and couldn't use either pencils or pens to write our thoughts down on paper!

It wasn't until da 'Puter came along, wif its keyboard, where we could use our paws to spell out werds in Inkwish and in udder languages, dat we could begin to express our thoughts and feelings. It wassa 'Puter dat set us free to communnykate wif udder species on sumfing wike an equal footing. Bifore da 'Puter, we bunnies had no voice!

And sadly, menny bunnies still hab no voice. Dees are da bunnies who are sitting in shelters, who are waiting in rescues and foster homes, who are sitting inna Deep Dark, out of sight and out of mind, living in horrible conditions because their owners hab sed, "It's just a bunny." and they no longer care. Menny bunnies are silent and suffering and they hab no Advocate. No one to speak for dem, except for us - those of us who have been rescued and hab 'puters and who hab lerned how to use them.

But ebben does bunnies, libbin inna Deep Dark and Despair, does poor bunnies still hab Hope because they know that, someday, they will meet the Black Rabbit as one meets an old friend, and that they will go with him to a Great Warren over The Rainbow Bridge, and they'll be happily s'susprised to meet Belinda Bunny and to seeda sign dat says, HAB SUM HAY onna'count obba fakt dat nobunny has ebber invited dem to hab sum hay, or boddered to share wif dem bifore.

But dey know to be patient and to allus hab Hope, no matter whut hoomins say. Bunnies hab a long history ob being silent. We hab only had 'Puters a berry short while, so we habba wotta catching-up to do inna typing depawtmint.
Da few ob us who habba voice are trying to grow 'Tellygint and gedda message out dat Bunnies Are Wunderful Companion Animals
EXCEPT:
Bunnies are NOT good pets for children
Bunnies are NOT a food-source
Bunnies are NOT a fashionable fur-source
Bunnies do NOT belong in laboratories
Bunnies ARE INDOOR only pets and should NOT live in cages!

But it is hard to tell alla dis so dat hoomins hear. When dere minds say, "Bunnies are silent creatures." they don't believe it when they read bunnies' werds.

But bunnies know. Dey unnerstand more den hoomins realise - and hoomins realise dis ebbery time dey wook innu a bunny's eyes. Dey see dat bunnies unnerstand and dey wonder, "How do bunnies know?"

Gib us time. We will tell you.

----------- By George

George's Fifth Strand; Day Number 16
Now Playing: We're still finking aboud dis wun, folks...

Well, it seems dat Our Back Gardin is gonna be a-changin'. And dat's hokay wif us bunnies cos Maman sed it's gonna look preddy darned good when its all done:

Two oak trees (one ob dem wif pins)
A noo pikit fence wif gates

And afta that Maman's been wheedling Dadda aboud fixing uppa Screen Porch for us bunnies.

So yestidday, Da Dawg hadda be inside obba Houz most obba day onna'count obba fakt dat it was raining quite a lot, and he came out innu da Bun Room and sed:

"Hey George BunnyRabbit. I'm bored. Dere's nobun to play wif and it's raining. Issis your fault, too?"

And I'm, wike, "Huh? Whut'cha mean issa rain and you being bored da Bunnies' fault?"

Anna Dawg sat down and tried to kick-start his brain wif his back paw for a sekond, and den continued,

"Well, ebberyfing happins around heer a'ffeks me sumhow, and it's all cossa you bunnyrabbits. Furst, Maman takes ober dis room and makes it innu a Room for Bunnies Only, and I end up habbin' to be OnGuard alla time to Keep da Catz Outta Da Bun Room. Den Maman plants a Gardin cos ob Me, Hunny Rabbit, and den I get yelled at for digging innit. Now Dadda just told me dere are mens coming to cut down da swamp maple trees where I chase squirrels up, and dat it will take down part ob my fence where I pee to let dat Penny Dawg nextest door know dat dis is My Yard, and Maman says I'm gonna hab to be taken for walks until a Noo Fence is 'stalled around "Our Warren's Back Gardin". And now Maman's talkin' aboud 'Rennyvating' da Screen Porch where I wike to sit 'Forda Bunnies To Hab Sum Play Area' and I just know dat's gonna mean I am gonna be messed around wif or hab to gib up sumfing so she can do her 'Rennyvating' for You Bunnies! So ebberyfing dat happins around heer, seems to wind up a'ffektin' me onna'count ob you. And I wanna know how dat happins, George BunnyRabbit."

And Da Dawg gibbed me da Border Collie S-t-a-r-e.

So I shifted around on my paws a widdle and gibbed whut he sed sum thot.

Because Da Dawg was rite: ebberyfing dat happined around heer at Our Warren did manage to inklood him, not to mention Da Catz, too.

"Ebben," added Da Dawg, "Beebe-Bunny!! being sik has managed to inklood me."

And he shifted his s-t-a-r-e ober to where Clover and Beebe were sitting in dere habbytat, contemplating dere hay.

"I mean, howcome issit dat whin it is time for Beebe to hab his meddysin," axted Da Dawg. "I hab to be put outside inna Back Gardin, wheather I wanna go outside to pee or not? And ebbery time, Dadda suckers me wif dat, 'Go count your squirrels, Markie!' and don'cha know, I keep falling for it? I mean, I know how menny squirrels are out dere inna Back Gardin, and I tell him ebbery time he tells me to count'em. I bark once for each squirrel cos dat is how a Dawg counts, and dere are three squirrels so I bark three times at each maple tree, cos dat is where dey lib. I mean, whut more does Dadda want ob me? I'm out dere, doin' my Job, ebben inna Dark, inna Nite, inna Rain - or not - just onna'count obba Fakt dat Beebe is habbin' his meddysin!"

And I sed, "Well, Maman did get Dadda to put inna Noo Back Porch Light so you could see your Gardin bedder."

Da Dawg nodded, "Well, dere is dat. But da Fakt is dat I'm stillgeddin' thrown out at Nite onna'count ob Beebe's meddysin, somehow."

"And you gedda cookie when you come inside again." I sed.

"Two cookies." Da Dawg corrected me. "I ged two, and I can count. Maman tried to fool me oncst by buying bigger cookies, but I wasn't falling for dat old one. Nope. I get two cookies whin I come In Frum Outside At Nite, no madder whut size cookies dey are. I am not a Stoopit Dawg."

"None ob us is Stoopit in Our Warren." I sed. "Afta all, we is Us."

"Dat's rite." Sed Da Dawg. "So howcome I godda go Out Inna Gardin when Beebe gets his mddysin, ennyways?"

And I scritched my ear wif my paw (whut Dadda calls "George Trying To Kick-Start His Brian") and thought aboud dat and den answered,

"I fink Maman is skert dat she will fall ober you or dat Dadda will drop Beebe or sumfing. So dey puts you outside onna'count ob dem being Old."

Anna Dawg sed, "Oh." And den he axted: "So whut's up wif dem taking down my trees, relocating my squirrels and removing my fence?"

And I hadda widdle Fink aboud dis, and den replied: "Well, I fink dat Dadda is Tired Ob Raking Leebs so he wants to hab Fewer Trees, anna only way he kin hab Fewer Trees is to ged rid ob sum obb'em, but Maman don't wanna ged rid ob enny obb'em, so he needs an hextcuse. And Maman wants to habba Noo Fence onna'count obba fakt dat she finks da Old Fence is berry ugly, but she needs a hextcuse to get rid obba Old Fence to replace it wiffa Noo Fence. So I heered Dadda talking to Maman abouddit, and she wikes alla trees, but Dadda don't. So Dadda pointed out to Maman datta way datta trees growed messed uppa Old Fence and didn't Maman wanna habba preddy Noo Fence? So dat was his hextcuse so dat he don't hab to rake alla leebs alla time, and it was also Maman's hextcuse for replacing da Old Fence wiffa Noo Fence. I don't fink bunnies, dawgs or kitties ebben ennered innu dere heds."

Anna Dawg sed, "You fink?"

And I sed, "Yeah." Cos I could bemember Maman and Dadda habbin wunna dere long, hoomin Talks aboudda Trees Inna Yard and how dey wanted to habba nice Pikit Fence inna "British Style" dat went Alla Way Around da "Property" and had Gates atta Frunt Walk, and atta DribeWay and alla dat stuff. But Maman sed it wuld be "Too Hextpensive" and Dadda sed "Well, da old fence hasta go ennyways." And Maman agreed, and sumhow, dey ended up figgerin' out dey had no udder choice den to get out da maple trees, take down da Old Fence and gedda Noo Pikit Fence dat dey wanted inna Furst Place."

"So why didn't dey just ged it cos dey wanted it?" Axted Da Dawg.

And I 'spected my toes and sed I didn't know. "Who kin figger out hoomins?"

"So whut aboudda Screen Porch?" Axted Da Dawg. "Whut's up wif dat?"

And I bemembered dat Maman was talking about "Anner-Ron-DakChairs" anna "Noo Rug" and about geddin' "X-Pens" and "Baby-Gates" so dat alla bunnies could be out onna Screen Porch togedder wifout Da Dage or Da Catz.

So I sed toda Dawg, "Well, dat's Maman again. She finks we bunnies are too Fluffy and need Hexstersize."

And dere wassa *Fump* assa Dawg pulled in his paws and collapsed innu a heap onna floor. And he wooked up at me wif his bloo eyes and sed,

"It's allus cossa DEM issn't it? Maman and Dadda. Dey come up wiffa Bright Ideas for Alla Us Togedder and sumhow or anudder, ebberyfing dey fink ob ends up screwing up fings up for Alla Us Togedder!"

"Yeah." I sed. "But you gotta admit dat dere heart is inna rite place: dey is allways finking whut wuld be best for us. Cos dey lub us."

"Yeah." Sed Da Dawg.

"And whin dey get it all done, we'll lub whut they've done." Sed me.

"Atta End Obba Day." Added Da Dawg.

And he and I sat dere, blinking at each udder, sort ob pondering onna Rellytib Stoopid-ness Ob Hoomins, in general, anna Rellytib Stoopid-ness Ob Our Hoomins, in particular.

Anna Dawg sed, "Well, it's good to hab bunnyrabbits around. I still ged two cookies whin I come Inside At Nite and I'm gonna habba Noo Pikit Fence to pee on. Dat's gonna be a Big Job, marking a whole Noo Pikit Fence. And it will be nice, sitting atta Baby Gate, catching da Breezes frumma Screen Proch while you BunnyRabbits are out dere running off your Fluffiness wiffout Da Catz boddering you. A Noo Rug and Noo Chairs will be nice, when Maman and Dadda manage to get it all done. But it will be a Right Mess while dey are werkin' onnit. As usual."

"Dey hab no Cloo." I sed, as I hadda quick wook at my udder foots. "Alla da fuss and bodder dat dey cause us onna'count obba fakt dat dey lubs us so much."

"None." Sedda Dawg. "As usual, no Cloo at all."

---------- By George

George's Fifth Strand: Day Number 11
Now Playing: Don't Come Around Here No More - Tom Petty

Well, you know, for a number ob nights now, I bin hearing fings outside ob our houz, inna Our Warren Back Gardin.

Yes, I hab.

And because I amma Alarm Bunny in Our Warren, it is my job to sleep wif Wun Ear Opin at nite, and T*H*U*M*P RILLY LOUD if I hear ennyfing dat mite be Threatening Our Warren during da nite-time when we are all sleeping.

Dis is part ob being Top Bun in Our Warren.

Yeah. Me,Hunny, who usta be Top Bun obba Our Warren told me alla'bout dis before he went toda Rainbow Bridge, and I do my best to live up to whut he told me onna'count obba fakt dat he wassa berry wise and 'Tellygint Elder Ob His People, wike Dadda's friend, Kutee, said. Hunny was Thirteen Anna Half Years Old when he left forda Rainbow Bridge. I am Two Years Old - I hab a long way to go before I will ebber be as 'Tellygint as Hunny, lemme tell you!

But I do the bestest that I can.

So there I was, sleeping wif Wun Ear Opin, and I heared sumfing outside inna Back Gardin.

Well, dere is not s'sposed to be ennybunny out dere inna nite-time, when it looks like Dark and ebberybunny in Our Warren is inside forda Nite.

So I did like I was s'sposed to do, and I T*H*U*M*P*E*D.

Anna Dawg came ambling outta Maman's and Dadda's bedroom, paddled downna Hallway, fru da Dining Room anna Kitchin and innu Da Bun Room and axted me:

"Whuttsamatta, George BunnyRabbit?"

And I sed, "I herd sumfing outside, inna Gardin."

So Da Dawg hadda listen atta Back Door fora minit, and he sniffed alla'long da edge obba door and he sed,

"You're right, Bunnyrabbit. Dere is sumfing out dere, but I dunno whut. Lemme go ged Dadda. Dat's my job."

So he wint outta da Bun Room, and preddy soon, here comes Dadda in bare feets.

Anna Dawg stops inna Kitchen doorway, and says, rilly plainly, in Dawg,

"Lookit, I don't wanna go Outside. Dis issn't wike da last time whin MouseBunny peed on me! I'm just telling you dere is sumfing OUT DERE, and not dat I wanna go OUT DERE and habba wook at it, hokay?"

And Da Dawg stared rilly hard atta door, just so Dadda would get da message.

Well, Da Dawg has bright, pale Bloo eyes AND he issa Border Collie, so whin he stares, well, he rilly, rilly s-t-a-r-e-s. Like a pin fixing a bug to a corkboard, dat's how he stares, lemme tell you.

So ennyways, Dadda gets da message dat Da Dawg does not, unner enny circumstances, wanna go Outside.

And I T*H*U*M*P again, just to sort ob make sure dat Dadda doesn't get enny Wrong Ideas started up.

And Dadda says, "Whut's out dere, George?"

And I'm, like, "Howdaheck do I know? I'm da wun stuck in my habbytat, and you're da wun walking around nextest toda door. Turn onna light switch and wook outta window if you wanna know whut's out dere."

And Dadda says, "You know I rilly gotta bemember to change dat Outdoor Light Fixture so I can see whut's going on inna Back Garden."

And he turns around and says, "Good job, George. 'Nite, Bunnies!"

And dat, was dat.

So preddy much da same fing happened da Nextest Nite anna Nite Afta Dat.

And DEN, afta I had herd dis same "fing", whutebber it was, outside inna Back Garden a few nites inna row, and sent Da Dawg in to get Dadda outta bed, AND afta a couple ob nites ob Dadda coming out innu da Bun Room and saying how he hadda bemember to put inna Noo Light Fixture and alla dat, well...

Yestidday morning, Dadda goes Out, Inna da Back Garden and he calls Maman.

"Wook at dis." He says, pointing.

And Maman says, "Whut's dat doing out inna middle obba Gardin?"

And Dadda sed, "Sumfing taked dat empty milk jug outta da Recycle Bin and left it inna middle obba Gardin."

And Maman shouts, "WHUT?"

Which preddy much sounded like Belinda Bunny whin she was getting ready to go Beside Herself, only a lot louder.

And den Dadda sed, "And lookit your Herb Gardin."

And Maman leans outta da Back Door and hassa wook, and she wooks back at Dadda and snaps,

"Iffa Dawg's been digging anudder hole..."

Anna Dawg shouts frum out inna middle obba Back Gardin, wif his Ball in his mouf,

"HEY! IT WASSN' M'BE DIS TIME!"

And he couldn't ebben shout right onna'count obba fakt dat he hadda ball in his mouf because he's allus hoping dat Dadda or Maman is gonna stop whutebber dey're doing and play Toss Da Toy wif him. Ebben whin he's in Trubble, he still finks sumbun is gonna play wif him. Once he's got dat ball in his mouf, he's not letting go obbit until sumbun agrees dey are gonna play wif him. I told you, he's a Border Collie. I didn't say he was Dat Bright.

So Maman goes out innu da Gardin and Dadda brings her da milk jug dat has been taken frumma recycling bin, and dey mention dat it has TEEF HOLES where sumfing has been chewing onnit! And den dey walk downna Garden to where the Fence Stops, and dere issa HOLE INNA FENCE!

Yeah! Da Fence has been bent so dat sumfing can come innu Our Warren's Back Gardin!

And I, George ob Our Warren, had heard it inna nite-time!

Well!

Lemme tell you, Maman was preddy Upset.

She called ober da Man Who Lives Nextest Door. His name is Don and he issa Ribberman. Dere is nuffin aboudda Dellyware Ribber in dis area dat he don't know. He knows where alla fish are, and whin dey leeb dis area for anudder area, and he knows alla da annymuls and where dey libs and how dey libs. He sits in his liddle boat and watches and watches, and dere is nuffin he doesn't know aboudda Natchur in dis area.

So Maman and Dadda showed him da empty milk jug, anna hole inna Herb Gardin, anna place where da Fence Was Bent Up To Let Sumfing Innu Our Back Gardin.

And Don da Ribberman wooked at ebberyfing and sed:

"Raccoon. You prob'ly gotta Raccoon."

Well, Maman hadda gennywine fit.

Raccoons gots fleas.
Raccoons gots ticks.
Raccoons gots diseases.
Raccoons fight anna poor, old, clueless Dawg issa Poor, Old Clueless dawg, and he wouldn't habba chance if he cornered a fierce Raccoon wif claws and sharp teefs, and whut if he gets hurt, Poor, Old, Clueless Dawg...

Anna Dawg comes innu da houz, bringing his ball, and he's wike,

"Whut? Whodaheck is she talkin' about, ennyways?"

And I'm wike, "Whuttaheck issa rack-coon?"

And den Da Fat-Cat suddinly shambles in and sits down inna middle obba Bun Room. And he wooks around wif his big round, yellow eyes, and axts,

"So whut's alla da screeming goin' on in heer?"

Anna Dawg drops his ball, he's dat sus'sprised and he axts Cokie, "How did you get out ob your apawtmint?"

And Cokie says, "Dunno. Da door was opin, so I came out. Dere was nobun onna stairs, so I comed down. Den dere was nobun inna Libbin' Room, so I kept on coming and Arribed heer. So tell me why I bothered."

Anna Dawg says, "Dere has bin a Raccoon inna Back Gardin." Den he stops and gibs da Cat a s-t-a-r-e, and growls, "An INTRUDER!"

And Cokie meets Da Collie Stare wiffa Cat-Stare, den shrugs his big shoulders and says,

"And dis effects me, how? 'Cept forda fakt dat George BunnyRabbit heer keeps wakin' me and Beep-da-Udder-Cat up inna middle obba nite. I mean, we're in heer, BunnyRabbit, and whutebber It is, It's out dere so obviously, It doesn't madder. So why can't we all just hab peace and quiet to stay asleep?"

And I say, "Cos whutebber dis Raccoon fing is, it is an Indtruder wike Da Dawg says."

And Cokie fixes me wif his Cat-s-t-a-r-e and says, "So?"

And I say, "Wookit, Cat, we bunnies are Prey Annymuls. Our success assa species depends on staying 'Lert for Preddytors."

"And I," says Da Dawg. "Amma Guard Annymul. My success assa species depends on guarding whutebber Maman and Dadda fink is impawtant, which would be da BunnyRabbits."

And Cokie shakes his hed. "Wookit," he says. "I amma Preddytor, and NoBun T*H*U*M*P*S and wakes da whole houz when I'm walking around."

"Onna'count obba fakt dat we know you." I say.

But Da Dawg isn't known for being tactful, so whut he says to Cokie-da-Fat-Cat is:

"Lookit, Cat, da Rool says "No Catz Inna Bun Room" BUT I saw Belinda Bunny hed-butt you allaway across da Libbin' Room cawpet oncst, and I know you aren't stoopit enough to chance getting your butt whopped twice by anudder bunnyrabbit. So dat's why I let you innu dis Bun Room."

And Cokie sighed.

And den he sed, "I fink a raccoon issa type ob feral cat, only it's not feral onna'count obbit being wild. And since dere is berry widdle wild left for raccoons to lib in, dey sort ob try to lib inna same place as hoomins and dat causes Trubble, just wike it allus does whin Hoomins and Wild Fings hab to share da same space onna planet. Hoomins just don't share good."

And I sed to Cokie, "Well, Maman shares wif us preddy good. We get food, and hay and treats."

And Cokie sed to me, "But wild annymuls don't hab Our Maman. And dey wuld be skert oudda dere minds if dey did find out dey had her. Dey just wanna go on libbin' inna Wild, Just As They Allus Hab Done - only hoomins put in Gardins, and dey put out stuff inna rubbish dat smells wike food. And den da Hoomins complain whinna Wild Fings come and bodder wif dere stuff. You know, oncst, wong, wong ago, we was Wild Fings, too. And den we realised it was Better for us to Lib Inside wif da Hoomins. But dees Wild Fings still wanna be Wild, IF da hoomins will let dem."

So I hadda Fink about dis.

And I began to wonda if mebbe dis Raccoon, or whutebberdaheck it is dat is coming innu Our Warren's Back Gardin at nite, is rilly an INTRUDER at all, or is it rilly just sumbun trying to ged along inna werld fulla hoomins.

I dunno. I still don't like Noises Inna Nite. I can't help it. I'm the Alarm Bunny in Our Warren and Me, Hunny taught me dat I hab to allus sleep wif One Ear Opin and stay onna 'Lert for da Good Obba Warren.

Anna Dawg can't help being whut he is, and waking up Dadda inna middle obba nite if he feels its impawtant, either, you know.

Just like the Raccoon can't help being a Wild Fing outside, digging through the nice, soft soil dat Maman has turned up in order to plant her Herb Gardin, taking da easy way out, wooking for worms and grubs...

---------------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:47 PM EDT

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