Now Playing: Obsessions
And I’m back.
So tiday Cokie-da-Fat comes Downnastairs and complains to Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren,
“Da Dawg libs.”
And I’m wike, “And, um, dis is noo, hextactly, how? Da Dawg has bin libbin’ heer ever since we moobed in.”
And Cokie says, “Hextactly. And he’s still libbin’ heer, which issa Effruntery To Catz!”
And Clover pipes up and says, “Yeah, and Dadda just told you to ‘Ged ober it’ again, just wike he did yestidday whin you sedda same fing. So whut else is noo, Cat?”
And Cokie just glared at Clover and wint on out onna Screen Porch to tell Beep-da-Udder-Cat to “moob it, Sistah” becos she was sitting in “his” sunbeam. Whut Beep told him is not fit to be printed in dis Blog. But she moobed it, ennyways, onna’count obba Fakt dat Cokie was in his normal Morning Bad Mood, which is preddy normal, considering he issa Cat.
So denna Dawg came fundering Downnastairs and he’s all happy-stoopit, mainly onna’count obba Fakt dat he issa Border-Collie-Wif-Sumfing-to-Do. Gib dees guys a Job and dey are happy-for-Life, I fink.
“Dadda and I are gonna werk inna Gardin!” he woofs, standing atta Back Door, wif his butt wiggling, he’s so happy.
Which just goes to show you how little it takes to make a Border-Collie even stoopiter than they are alreddy.
And den Maman comes Downnastairs frumma Study and she’s gotta buk and a bottle of stinky stuff dat’s for her fingernails.
Now you gotta unnerstand dat Maman has dis fing about her fingernails. Alla her life, she says, she had “Ugly Fingernails” onna’count obba Fakt dat she played da ’sello (big fing wif strings onnit dat libs inna Lounge-Where-We-Do-Not-Go) and now dat she can’t play, her fingernails don’t grow rite. So she takes dem to a Groomer to be made nice. She says dis is her “One fashion indulgence.” and she and Auntie Grace talk abouddit onna tellyphone sumtimes, onna’count obba Fakt dat Auntie Grace has dis fing aboud her fingernails, too.
But dis last Groomer where Maman went to hab her fingernails made nice, didn’t do a good job, and now Maman has these bottles of Stinky Stuff to take her nails off. She says it will be a “Long Process” and a “Smelly Process” and she’s whining aboud “Alla Time” it is going to take.
And she ebben had Dadda go to sum kinda store to buy these speshul bottles of Stinky Stuff for her to take off the nails the Groomer had done for her.
So Maman comes Downnastairs frumma Study and she looks around the Bun Room where I’m sitting heer, cleaning my toes.
And she takes a wook at me and she says, “George Bunny, you are obsessed with your Toes!”
And put down my foot and sit there, and I’m wike, “Whuttaheck?”
And she’s standing there in her Bafrobe, wif her bottles of Stinky Stuff and her Buk, and her hair wrapped up inna striped towel wif her Flippy-flops on.
So she puts alla her stuff down onna Washing Machine inna corner byda Back Door toda Gardin and she comes over and starts wooking at MY FEETS!
And den she goes ober to Clover and Beebe’s and starts wooking at THEIR FEETS!
And afta that she goes and hassa wook at Mouse’s FEETS!
So we’re ALL inna UPROAR!
All onna’count obba Fakt dat NOBUNNY is s’sposed to be wooking atta Bunny's Feets except DA BUNNY DA FEETS BELONGS TO!
And den Maman says, “You guys.”
And she shakes her hed (which is wrapped up inna pastel-stripped towel!).
“You all need your nails trimmed.”
And MissyBun is wike, “Oh NO Wady! Pull da udder one, it has bells on! MY nails, I’ll trim’em, Fank Yoo!”
And she follows dat up wiffa rilly big, Missy-sized THUMP which makes me fly up-inna-air and land down again.
I wish she wouldn’t do that!
Then Clover starts to shiver, onna’count obba Fakt dat she doesn’t wike to be piked Up.
And Beebe start strutting, onna’count obba Fakt that he issa Nethy Dwarf and Nutz, and he finks sumbun is alreddy “Messing Wif His Wommin” and he’s gonna Defend Her.
And dat’s Beebe’s Widdle Fantasy which we let him hab onna’count obba Fakt dat we can’t ged him to Ged Ober It.
And Mouse is sitting inna corner wif his butt against da side obba Habbytat, just basically grunting and daring Maman to come and get him for a nail trim. Becos he knows she’ll send Dadda (who is currently Out Inna Gardin riding onna Tractor and yelling atta Dawg to “Ger’outta it!” – whutebber dat means. I fink it means Da Dawg is somehow behaving daft and/or stoopit - no s’sprise there. But since Dadda currently sounds angry, I’m not gonna axt too menny Questions ebben whin he comes back inna Houz.)
Den Maman blinks a second or two and hassa widdle fink and says, “Wookit, I’ll do my nails furst. Then we’ll worry about bunny-nails. Howzzat?”
And becos we know dat Maman hassa rilly bad short-term memory, we just sit there and appear not to listen.
So she goes out onna Screen Porch wiffa Catz and her bottles of smelly stuff and her Buks.
And just for da Rekord, I am NOT “obsessed” wif my TOES!
----------------- By George (now returning to cleaning MY toes!)
Posted by Our Warren
at 11:28 AM EDT