The Hay Diaries

Saturday, 1 July 2006

George's Seventh Strand: Day Number One
Now Playing: Obsessions

And I’m back.

So tiday Cokie-da-Fat comes Downnastairs and complains to Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren,

“Da Dawg libs.”

And I’m wike, “And, um, dis is noo, hextactly, how? Da Dawg has bin libbin’ heer ever since we moobed in.”

And Cokie says, “Hextactly. And he’s still libbin’ heer, which issa Effruntery To Catz!”

And Clover pipes up and says, “Yeah, and Dadda just told you to ‘Ged ober it’ again, just wike he did yestidday whin you sedda same fing. So whut else is noo, Cat?”

And Cokie just glared at Clover and wint on out onna Screen Porch to tell Beep-da-Udder-Cat to “moob it, Sistah” becos she was sitting in “his” sunbeam. Whut Beep told him is not fit to be printed in dis Blog. But she moobed it, ennyways, onna’count obba Fakt dat Cokie was in his normal Morning Bad Mood, which is preddy normal, considering he issa Cat.

So denna Dawg came fundering Downnastairs and he’s all happy-stoopit, mainly onna’count obba Fakt dat he issa Border-Collie-Wif-Sumfing-to-Do. Gib dees guys a Job and dey are happy-for-Life, I fink.

“Dadda and I are gonna werk inna Gardin!” he woofs, standing atta Back Door, wif his butt wiggling, he’s so happy.

Which just goes to show you how little it takes to make a Border-Collie even stoopiter than they are alreddy.

And den Maman comes Downnastairs frumma Study and she’s gotta buk and a bottle of stinky stuff dat’s for her fingernails.

Now you gotta unnerstand dat Maman has dis fing about her fingernails. Alla her life, she says, she had “Ugly Fingernails” onna’count obba Fakt dat she played da ’sello (big fing wif strings onnit dat libs inna Lounge-Where-We-Do-Not-Go) and now dat she can’t play, her fingernails don’t grow rite. So she takes dem to a Groomer to be made nice. She says dis is her “One fashion indulgence.” and she and Auntie Grace talk abouddit onna tellyphone sumtimes, onna’count obba Fakt dat Auntie Grace has dis fing aboud her fingernails, too.

But dis last Groomer where Maman went to hab her fingernails made nice, didn’t do a good job, and now Maman has these bottles of Stinky Stuff to take her nails off. She says it will be a “Long Process” and a “Smelly Process” and she’s whining aboud “Alla Time” it is going to take.

And she ebben had Dadda go to sum kinda store to buy these speshul bottles of Stinky Stuff for her to take off the nails the Groomer had done for her.

So Maman comes Downnastairs frumma Study and she looks around the Bun Room where I’m sitting heer, cleaning my toes.

And she takes a wook at me and she says, “George Bunny, you are obsessed with your Toes!”

And put down my foot and sit there, and I’m wike, “Whuttaheck?”

And she’s standing there in her Bafrobe, wif her bottles of Stinky Stuff and her Buk, and her hair wrapped up inna striped towel wif her Flippy-flops on.

So she puts alla her stuff down onna Washing Machine inna corner byda Back Door toda Gardin and she comes over and starts wooking at MY FEETS!

And den she goes ober to Clover and Beebe’s and starts wooking at THEIR FEETS!

And afta that she goes and hassa wook at Mouse’s FEETS!

So we’re ALL inna UPROAR!

All onna’count obba Fakt dat NOBUNNY is s’sposed to be wooking atta Bunny's Feets except DA BUNNY DA FEETS BELONGS TO!

And den Maman says, “You guys.”

And she shakes her hed (which is wrapped up inna pastel-stripped towel!).

“You all need your nails trimmed.”

And MissyBun is wike, “Oh NO Wady! Pull da udder one, it has bells on! MY nails, I’ll trim’em, Fank Yoo!”

And she follows dat up wiffa rilly big, Missy-sized THUMP which makes me fly up-inna-air and land down again.

I wish she wouldn’t do that!

Then Clover starts to shiver, onna’count obba Fakt dat she doesn’t wike to be piked Up.

And Beebe start strutting, onna’count obba Fakt that he issa Nethy Dwarf and Nutz, and he finks sumbun is alreddy “Messing Wif His Wommin” and he’s gonna Defend Her.

And dat’s Beebe’s Widdle Fantasy which we let him hab onna’count obba Fakt dat we can’t ged him to Ged Ober It.

And Mouse is sitting inna corner wif his butt against da side obba Habbytat, just basically grunting and daring Maman to come and get him for a nail trim. Becos he knows she’ll send Dadda (who is currently Out Inna Gardin riding onna Tractor and yelling atta Dawg to “Ger’outta it!” – whutebber dat means. I fink it means Da Dawg is somehow behaving daft and/or stoopit - no s’sprise there. But since Dadda currently sounds angry, I’m not gonna axt too menny Questions ebben whin he comes back inna Houz.)

Den Maman blinks a second or two and hassa widdle fink and says, “Wookit, I’ll do my nails furst. Then we’ll worry about bunny-nails. Howzzat?”

And becos we know dat Maman hassa rilly bad short-term memory, we just sit there and appear not to listen.

So she goes out onna Screen Porch wiffa Catz and her bottles of smelly stuff and her Buks.

And just for da Rekord, I am NOT “obsessed” wif my TOES!

----------------- By George (now returning to cleaning MY toes!)

Posted by Our Warren at 11:28 AM EDT

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Friday, 30 June 2006

George's Sixth Strand: Day Number 30
Now Playing: Pollyticks!
So the flood wadders are receeding, the Pond In the Back Gardin is getting smaller and Maman says we heer at Our Warren hab dodged anudder “bullit”.

All we need now, Maman says, if for Our Phil's new company www.CustomByGeek.com (just type dat innu your browser onna'count obba Fakt dat we can't seem to ged Tripod to insert a link to it heer - and den order a CustomByGeek computer, hokay? Fanks.) to get growing and for Our Sistah Beffy to ged married before she hassa Kit, and for Maman to sell “dis (_insert-bad-werd-heer_) buk and den anudder wun so dere’s nun ob dis talk aboudda ‘Wun-Hit-Wunder’ biznizz ebber again.” – whutebber dat means. Wif Our Maman, you nebber know.

And so dis morning, Beep-the-Udder-Cat came Downnastairs and told us dat Maman was fretting again.

“She was talking ‘Pollyticks’ wif Dadda.” Beep sed. “Sumfing aboudda ‘Buy-Lekshuns’ in Inkwand and how da Stoopit Conserbatib Pawtee should just stop acting like a bunch ob Constipated Owd Wimmins, and ‘lect someone who is not a impotent compromise candidate to stand for Da ‘Lekshun. She sed dey shuld just Go Bold, Go Boris and 'leckt sum guy named Boris Johnson and ged it ober wif .”

And I axted Beep, “And dat effects us, how?”

And Beep sed, “Dunno. I nebber herd ob dis guy ‘til now. But Maman wikes him and Dadda seems to fink he’s hokay, too. Seems dis guy sed dat sum guy named Tony Blair is gonna hab to be winkled outta sumplace called ‘Number 10’ wiffa flamethrower, which doesn’t sound too good for him, but you know how it is wif Pollyticks.”

And I sed I didn’t but I didn’t rilly care to find out. Bunnies don’t go in for dat "Pollyticks" stuff too much onna'count obba Fakt dat dere is no "pollyticks" going on heer. Much.

Howebber, ennyfing dat effeks Maman ends up effecting Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren wun way or anudder.

So byda time Maman and Dadda comed Downnastairs, dey was talking flood control and Maman sed dat sum Gubbernor was gonna build a LeeVee onna Delaware River and dat ebberyfing was just "Pollyticks" ennyways, wun way or anudder.

And dat’s when Dadda sed he was gonna build sumfing to stop us frum habbing Our Pond Inna Back Gardin.

And right away, MissyBun raises her ears and is wike, “Whut?”

And Dadda says, “Well, furst, I hire a digger frum ‘Home Depot’…”

And right away, I get this “uh oh” sort of feeling dat I get whenebber sumbun mentions “Home Depot”.

This is mainly onna’count obba Fakt dat “Home Depot” issa place where Dadda and Phil go when they are planning to do sumfing rilly BIG, dat dey usually say will be “No Problem” dat ends up being a whole wot more Trubble den it is worf. Dis is also da place where Maman is no longer allowed to go onna’count obba Fakt dat all she does is confoozle alla peoples around her. Our Belinda Bunny ebben blogged aboud Maman going to Home Depot, it got so bad. So Maman doesn’t go dere ennymore unless Dadda or Phil goes wif her to keep da confoozlemint to a bare minnymum.

So “Home Depot” is notta werd we take lightly heer at Our Warren. It is worse den “Pollyticks.”

So Dadda says to Maman dat he needs to go to Home Depot to “rent a digger to dig a trench inna Back Gardin, and then put stones into the bottom of the trench, cover the stones with Architect’s Cloth, then cover that with dirt, and cover the whole trench with top soil and pooties then grass-seed. Of course, this will be after we install the Noo Fence.”

And Maman is standing there inna Kitchin wearing her “Whuttaheck?” look on her face.

And she says, “Whut Noo Fence? That comes bifor the drain to carry off the excess flood water?”

And Dadda axts her, “Weren’t you listening?”

And Maman says, “I must hab missed sumfing. Start at the beginning and go ‘round again so I can try to grab on.” (Which is her way ob saying “Pull da udder wun, Sweetie…” Whin she is wookin’ ober the top ob her glasses, dis is not da time to mess wif Maman.)

So Dadda, ignoring all signs ob danger, plunges in again. Our Dadda issa Brave Man (which is why he married Maman inna Furst Place. Nobun takes on Our Warren lightly, mind you.)

And Dadda says, “Furst we get the Noo Fence that you and I agreed on. If you want, it can be just at the Back of the Gardin.”

And Maman innerrupts wif her famous, “Why?”

And Dadda, who didn’t see dat coming axts, “Why, whut?”

“Why do we get the Noo Fence, furst?” axts Maman patiently. “Why not just start digging the trench?”

And Dadda says, “Onna’count obba Fakt dat we need to ‘stablish the property line wiffa fence so we don’t go digging inna wrong place.”

And Maman says, “But isn’t the Old Fence onna property line?”

And Dadda says, “Hanged if I know. Your Father had that fence put up in 1954. It was your Father we’re talking about here. Heaven knows if he looked for the property line back then.”

And Maman nodded. “He probably had no clue. Hokay, so you wanna know whereda Property Line is.”

Somehow, Maman can gib a fing Conversational Italics wiffoud trying. So now it wassa fing: Da Property Line instead ob justa “property line”.

And she sed, “I gotta survey ob Da Property Uppastairs inna files somewheres.”

And Dadda sed, “Dear, we don’t need an Archeological Excavation. Getting the Noo Fence along the back will do. And it will provide a solid base against which to fix the back wall obba Trench.”

And Maman wooked ober her glasses again and sed, “Whut?”

And Dadda sed, “A solid base against which to fix the back wall obba Trench.”

Dadda is also no mean hand at gibbin proper names to fings.

And Maman sed, “Whut ‘Trench’?”

And Dadda sed, “The Trench that has to be dug to be filled with stones, covered in earth, and becomes The Drain for The Gardin so we don’t have floods. “

And Maman narrowed up her eyes and axted him, “Are you losing your temper? Because if you’re losing your temper we’re not having this conversation and I’m going to go pet bunnies.”

And Dadda sed, “I am Not losing my temper!”

And den he sed it again, in a calmer voice, “I am not losing my temper. I’m just saying that we need to have the Noo Fence put in before we rent the minature JCB from Home Depot to dig the trench to make the Drain to keep the Back Gardin from flooding - and possibly leaking innu Da Basement.”

And Maman, who is by now halfway innu da Bun Room, stops and turns around and wooks at Dadda.

“Who sed ennyfing aboudda ‘Basement'?” She axted.

And Dadda sed, “Well, dat’s da Logical Conclusion isn’t it? If we hab some very heavy rains, and Da Pond gets too big, it will flood innu Da Basement. Which is why we need to dig Da Trench as soon as possible, before there’s anudder Flood.”

And Maman didn’t say ennyfing for a minit. She just carried on innu da Bun Room and stuck her hed innu Mouse’s habbytat and sed,

“How’s my, Mouscus?”

And Mouse growled, “Watchit, Wady.”

So Maman petted him and called him “Soft”, which he hates, becos Mouse believes dat he issa Berry Large, Imposing Rabbit ob Diggity and Respect. Ob course dis is berry hard to maintain whin you are, in reality a small, non-threatening, three-pound Netherlands Dwarf bunny, but you hab to gib Mouse points for trying.

And den Maman pulled her hed outta Mouse's Habbytat, and wooked at Dadda and sed,

“So lemme get this straight: we needa Noo Fence and then we need to rent a digger to dig a trench, which we will then fill with stones, which will then be covered – in succession – with some kind of special cloth to keep dirt out, dirt, top-soil, pooties, and grass-seed, which will then but an end to the Pond In the Back Gardin. Am I right?”

And Dadda sed, “More or less.”

And Maman walked outta da Bun Room and fru da Kitchin, past Dadda, and sed,

“Inna werds ob George-Bunny…’Whoa!’”

-----------------------By George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:07 AM EDT

Updated: Friday, 30 June 2006 2:18 PM EDT

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Thursday, 29 June 2006

George's Sixth Strand: Day Number 29
Now Playing: Summer Rain - I Dunno, but Maman hassa "45" obbit.
Well, it is Officially Flooding.

At least that’s whut Maman sed that there issa Flood on, so that makes it ’Fishul.

The Pond at the Bottom of the Gardin is back, and Maman has put gallon-jugs’o’wadder unnerneath of ebberybunnies’ Habbytats onna’count obba Fakt that the Wadder Depawtmint is ’Fishuly Flooded and we hab to conserve wadder and Might Hab To Do Wiffout If Fings Get Worser! You see, Maman and Dadda have been watching the Nooz onna Tellyvishion, where there are Dire Repawts and Menny Upset Hoomins.

Yeah!

However, there is Nothing Going On Around Heer so you gotta wonder, if you are a Bunny, just whuttahack alla dis ‘Fishul Flood Stuff is rilly alla’bout.

So Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren crammed innu the Sitting Room last nite, wif Maman and Dadda, to watch the Nooz and try and Figger Out "Whut Is Happening."

Well, we saw Sum Guy. He seemed preedy nice. Hadda nice soot on, Mouse sed. Not as nice assa soot da guy frum Law & Order has, but preddy nice alla same. He was preddy calm and he sed there was gonna be “Team Coverage” obba “Flood.”

And MissyBun sed, “Dis is gonna be good.”

So we watched a lotta Film ob people standing inna Dark by wadder and a lotta Film ob da Delaware River flowing past. And it was Berry Good Film mostly shot frum hellykopters, I fink, because alotta it was taken frum way up high, or else frum way down low by sum person on their hands-and-knees, looking atta kerbs and corners ob rooms full ob wadder.

Which makes it berry hard to tell whuttaheck is rilly going on.

Because rivers are supposed to run past places and alotta corners comes wif wadder alreddy in them.

But the Delaware River did look berry brown and berry wide and wike it was flowing past preddy fast, which is whut happins, Maman says, when it rains rilly hard up North and alla wadder rushes down.

And den da River tends to flood in certain places, like on The Island in the Citty.

Which is Not Near To Our Warren.

But which is Near toda Wadder Plant and one obba RailRoad Stations, and one obba major highways dat goes in-and-out obba Citty.

And as Maman Observed, “Proximity to a River was desirable to colonial settlers because it facilitated communication and trade, leading to the foundation of cities upon the major rivers that drained the Eastern Coast of the United States – like Trenton and Philadelphia were founded along the banks of the Delaware and Schulykill Rivers, respectively. Of course the obvious disadvantage to settlement along a major waterway is that the river may, occasionally, flood. Now ain’t that a co-inky-dink! But when you’re a colonist, you weighs your options and takes your chances - and, having accepted the risk, if you get caught out, you grab a shovel and rebuild - because the motherland isn't going to send you any support. In Post-modern America, however, people build their McMansion in a flood-plain and when the water arrives, they scream bloody hell to the government to bail them out. Stoopit, stoopit stoopit.”

She rilly does talk like dis! And it bodders Dadda onna'count obba Fakt dat he is not one ob her Students.

So Dadda replied, “Wookit, dis is why we gave you lot your Colonies back in the first place.”

And Maman sed, “We took them away. There was a War, remember?”

And Dadda sed, “Yes, but we weren’t very serious about it, or we would have won it.”

Which issa same conversation that they have every year around This Very Same Time.

And then One of Maman’s "Wedder Guys" came on (and Mouse sed he also hadda berry nice soot) and sed that the Nooz was bad but not as bad as before, and that the Rivers would still flood but not as high as ebberybunny had sed inna beginning.

So that was The Channel 17 Nooz at Ten Powered By NBC10 whutever that means.

But Maman is whut you call a NoozJunkie so we hadda wait while she pushed sum buttons onna stick-fing dat Da Dawg says is called a “re-mote”.

And heer’s dis Udder Guy and isn’t he just all Hextcited aboutta flood.

Lemme tell you.

I mean dis Udder Guy (And Mouse sed his soot wasn’t nearly as nice assa soots he’s seen on Law & Order) was rilly hextcited! His eyes was almost coming rite outta da tellyvishin!

And Maman is wike, “Whuttaheck?”

And Dadda sed, “Mebbe he’s watching sum udder flood.”

But no, it’s da same Flood, only wif more Film.

So we get to see a whole lotta film ob corners and kerbs and high shots and low shots and this station’s Wedder Guy comes on and shouts, “Things will be worse before they get bedder!”

And he’s saying that there will be more storms that might make fings much, much worser by dis aftanoon and we will all hab to watch da sky berry carefully!

And Maman says, “Dey wuld be bedda off watchin’ da River.”

And Dadda is wike, “Why don’t dey dredge da River so it holds more?”

And Maman waffs and says data people who lib down byda River aren’t rich, so no one in Joisey is gonna pay to dig out da River, but dat since it’s on alla da Nooz stations, she’s sure da Mayor will whine toda Gubbernor who will whine toda Congressman who will whine toda Pressydint, who will whine toda taxpayers who are da People Who Lib By Da River, who can’t afford to pay to dig outta River ennyways. And dat way, ebberywun will hab done their dooty and ensured that nothing will be resolved.

She says dis is Democracy In Action.

And Dadda sed, “You nebber should hab left da Monarchy.”

And Maman sed, “At least we avoided Tony Blair.”

And Dadda sed, “You hab a point.”

And right about Then BeeBe-Bunny!! looked up from chewing hay and sed, “YO! We’re not habbin’ a flood. Can we go back and hab Treats now?”

And you know, Beebe was Right.

There was No Flood Going On At Our Warren.

Alla these Nooz guys were going nutz inside obba Tellyvision Box, but they were going nutz on their own.

Sure, there was some flooding going on, but it was in the usual places, where the River allus runs Too High When It Rains Too Hard.

Dis was Not da Flood obba Centchury, which was whut those guys onna Nooz was hoping to make outta it. It was justa’nudder case ob da River Running High, and that was preddy much That.

Maman sed she is only going to watch da Channel 17 Nooz frum now on, onna’count obba Fakt dat:
1.) Dey hab da Good Wedder Guys
2.) Dey don’t go nutz ober normal fings (She sed dere is less “media hype” - whutebber that means!)
3.) And Mouse says that they wear better soots, although not as nice as on Law & Order where that one guy rilly knows how to pick out soots!

So Maman and Dadda taked Alla Us Togedder out innu da Bun Room and we had Treats and all, and then the Catz went Uppastars to hab their dinners and we all went to bed.

Anna Dawg went out for his Nightly Patrol and came in and repawted da REAL NOOZ just as he allus does:

“Da Pond inna Back Gardin is going down! No rain onna breeze for at weast 24-hours! Hooray for air-condishioning! Da Wild Cottontail Bunny inna Frunt Gardin is fine! Dere issa Opossum two yards up! Catz still lib two houses down, so I hadda pee onna Dill to tell’em to “keep out”! Could Sumbun be sure to tell Maman cos I’m sure I’ll fortyged…”

Oh strong>YUCK!

------------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:59 AM EDT

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Friday, 23 June 2006

George's Sixth Strand: Day Number 23
Now Playing: "Solsbury Hill" - Peter Gabriel
Well, I guess dat's it, we heer at Our Warren are socially ruined.

At least, dat is whut Maman says.

Yeah.

And it's all onna'count obba Fakt dat she has put Rabbits Dat Hab No Smell inna Our Warren's Hunny's Memorial Rose & Herb Gardin.

And Dat's it!

Yeah. Alla werk dat has gone innu making da Gardin dat Maman promised to plant whin Our Warren's Senior Bun, me,Hunny when on toda Rainbow Bridge has made us Socially Ruined onna'count obba Fakt dat we hab Garden Ornnymints dat sumbunny we don't ebben know ober in Inkwand says dat dey are "UnFashionable" and "Tacky".

Maman just sent Cokie-da-Fat-Cat Downnastairs to tell us dat she readed dis inna Daily Tellygraph frum Inkland: dat habbin' "Statchoos and Gardin Ornnymins" inna gardin issa form ob snobbery and dat if we gots socially unacceptable statchoos, den we are socially unacceptable, too. Which means dat we are Ruined.

Maman sed dis issa Good Thing.

"She sed," Sed Cokie-da-Fat-Cat, sitting down inna Bun Room. "Dat she doesn't see why enny 'jumped-up middul-cwass no-bunny former cibil servant libbin' on sum cookie-cutter housin' estate in Suddern Inkwand shuld beda Ar-biter Ob Publik Taste. If dey don't wanna hab statchoos ob bunnies inna Gardin dat belongs to dem, dat's hokay wif her. But if she wants to hab Rabbits Dat Hab No Smell in Our Warren's Hunny's Memorial Rose & Herb Gardin, she will and Whut Ennybunny Else Finks Doesn't Madder. Just whut she finks, madders, and she finks dat painted woodin panels ob fat wimmins in knickers bendin' ober pullin' weeds in Gardins is just showing ignorance. So dere."

So I sed dat "showing ignorance" wassa good fing, onna'count obba Fakt dat it warned udders to keep well outta da way.

Mr Mouse (who is feeling bedder since he's taking his meddysin, and he fanks Ebberybunnys who has axted afta him!) sed dat painted signs has allus bin "Troof-in-advertising" for sum hoomins and dat it was hokay for dem to hab does painted type of boards in dere Gardins, and dat Maman shuld encourage dis type ob fing.

"And", added Ms Clover. "It is perfeck "troof-in-advertising" for dere to be Rabbits Dat Hab No Smell in Our Warren's Hunny's Memorial Rose & Herb Gardin onna'count obba Fakt dat t shows dat HouseRabbits Rool around dis Houz."

And Cokie-da-Fat-Cat sed dat in Dat Case dere shuld be sum statchoos ob Catz inna Gardin, and just den, Da Dawg came in frumma Bedroom and sed dat dere was no need for enny statchoos ob Catz At All onna'count obba Fakt dat dere were Reel Catz inna area dat visited Our Gardin ebbry nite who could smell 'zacktly who libbed heer.

And Cokie was horryfied. Onna'count obba Fakt dat he didn't know enny udder Catz would dare come around near toda place where a Forty-Pound Maine Coon Cat was in Ressydince.

"But," Added Da Dawg, "Dere are no odder bunnyrabbits inna Gardin at all. 'Cept for Wun Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbit who seems to be libbin' out inna Frunt Gardin by herself."

And MissyBun, (who is my wifebun and rilly hassa soft heart unless she gets 'nnoyed, which happins to happins about two-free-four times a day, depending on whut's happining) was wike,

"Whaaaaa! A single Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbit all OnAlone by herself? Dat is So Sad! We hab to help her! Mebbe Maman can put out sum food or we can invite da Wild Cottontail Bunnyrabbit to share Our Dill Patch! Dere issa'nuff food for Ebberbunny heer at Our Warren! Doesn't da poor widdle Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbit know frumma statchoos obba Rabbits Dat Hab No Smell dat dere are BunnyRabbits libbin heer at dis Houz?"

So I axt Da Dawg, "How come, if dere are statchoos ob bunnyrabbits in Our Warren's Hunny's Memorial Rose & Herb Gardin and dat is "Troof-in-Advertising" like Mr Mouse says, why issa Wild Cottail BunnyRabbit dat's libbin' inna Frunt Gardin not coming innu da Back Gardin where alla food is? Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbits are not stoopit. Issit onna'count obba Fakt dat we hab you libbin' out dere? A lotta HouzRabbits are 'fraid ob Dawgs anna lotta Dawgs are bad for Houzbunnies."

Anna Dawg sed, "Lookit George BunnyRabbit, whut does Maman put outside inna dirt inna Our Warren's Hunny's Memorial Gardin alla time to make alla does Herbs and Roses grow so big? She has Dadda put out da contents ob Your Pootie Pans! So whut does da Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbit smell alla time inna Back Gardin? Dat dis Houz is alreddy owned by a Whole Warren Ob Udder BunnyRabbits where she might not be wanted! So she is stayin' outta Your Terrytory by stayin' inna Frunt Gardin where dere are no pooties!"

And I'm wike, "Oh."

And I felt, wll, you know, sorta bad sumhow.

Becos dere issa widdle Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbit who is libbin' inna Frunt Gardin all OnAlone, who is not coming innu da nice Our Warren's Hunny's Memorial Herb & Rose Gardin onna'count obba Fakt dat she finks Our Warren wouldn't want Her.

So I am gonna axt Maman to put summa dose Herbs & Roses frumma Back Gardin innu da Frunt Gardin, so mebbe da Widdle Wild Cottontail BunnyRabbit who libs dere will know dat we heer at Our Warren want to share.

------------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 9:19 AM EDT

Updated: Friday, 23 June 2006 10:31 AM EDT

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Thursday, 22 June 2006

George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 22
Now Playing: Horses, not Zebras

Well, and isn't Our MissyBun just mad-as-all-ged-out dis morning? And she was alreddy 'Noyed frum last night, so dis means that she has been alla way fru Angry and come out da udder side ob Furious and just kept Right On Going.

I am majorly keeping Outta Da Way.

Yeah. Onna'count obba Fakt dat I didn't do Ennyfing to start it so I'm sure not going to get blamed for it.

Dis all starts wif Yestidday whin Our Mr Mouse Bunny Didn't Eat His Salad.

Yeah.

Now dis issn't Mr Mouse's fault. He didn't feel good onnna'count obba Fakt dat he had eated sum Astro Turf onna Screen Porch while he was inna Bun Pen habbin' Playtime da Evening bifore. Maman yelled at him for diggin' atta Astro Turf, but he didn't realise it was RILLY "Bad Stuff" until he'd alreddy eaten it.

Which was Too Late.

So whin he waked up Yestidday Morning, his tummy hurted and he didn't feel much like eating his salad, which ob course, was seen by Maman.

And Maman called Dadda, and den dey called Dr Sharin atta 516 Veterinary Hospiddle!

Inna meantime, Mr Lee who fixes fings inna Houz dat Maman says Dadda and Phil shouldn't mess wif arrived to fix da Sink inna Kitchin. And dat made Da Dawg rilly happy, cos Da Dawg loves to bother ennybunny who will fuss him, and Mr Lee rilly likes Da Dawg, so Dadda putta Dawg Uppastairs inna Study wiffa Catz which was No Picnic Inna Park for dem, as Cokie-da-Fat-Cat was quick to point out.

And dere's Maman telling Cokie to "Moob it or loose it, Cat." onna'count obba Fakt dat she hasta habba shower inna Uppastairs Shower so she can go to Lunch wif Dadda and help him arrange a Charity Ebent bifore dey come back and drive Mr Mouse up to da Veterinary Hospiddle and den motor back back heer in time for Dadda to get dressed all ober again to go Out Forda Evening and gib a Repawt onna Charity Ebent dat he and Maman organnyized ober Lunch.

You gotta rilly stay onna ball heer, cos it's gonna get Complikated rilly soon.

So Maman, who has hadda Shower and alla dat stuff, gets on her hat and tells us all to be good, and Mr Lee, Maman and Dadda all goes outta door.

And Missy is wike, "Hey Mouse! How'ya doin'?"

And Mr Mouse is wike, "Tummyache. No pooties. And I now I'm goin' toda V-E-T!"

And Our Clover is wike, "Yeah, well, if Maman doesn't see pooties in obernite, you know you're gonna seeda V-E-T. Bin dere, read da buk, gotta bumpersticker."

And Our Beebe-Bunny!!, who is preddy much a few crayons short obba whole box - but dat's hokay onna'count obba Fakt datta poor guy wassa Skool Bunny bifore he was Rescued - says,

"YO! BITE DA V-E-T!"

(We heer at Our Warren do not Advokate Biting assa Gen'ral Rool, 'cept unner Certain Sircumstances as are Spelled Out inna Bunny Bill ob Rites as framed by da Members ob RIFRAF (By Housebunnies, For Housebunnies, Ebberywheres!). Please visit da RIFRAF Website at dis link: RIFRAF )

And so Maman and Dadda comes back toda Houz, and dey getta carrier for Mr Mouse's trip toda V-E-T!

And rite den, Mr Mouse says,

"Whoa. Hey George, hold my raisin... watch dis."

And rite in frunt ob Maman Mr Mouse EATS A WHOLE Baby Organic Carrot!

And Dadda, who is standing wif Maman wooks at her like he's not seeing whut he's just seed and says,

"Well, that's buggered it."

And Maman wooks at Dadda and her mouf tightens innu dis thin line and she says,

"I don't care how clever he thinks he is by eating now. He can eat ten carrots. He hasn't pootied, so he's still going to keep the appointment."

And Dadda says, "Better safe now than sorry afterward."

And he piks up Mr Mouse and puts him innu da carrier! Ebben afta Mr Mouse ate a Whole Baby Organic Carrot!

And so, afta a short when da whole Houz is quiet again, MissyBun turns to me and says,

"Well, dat's a bugger. Da widdle show-off wint toda V-E-T's ennyway. Serbs him rite for showin' off in frunt ob Maman. He shuld hab known bedda."

So becos Dr Sharin's issa wong way away, dey were gone a Whole Wong Time. And while dey were gone, Phil-da-Lad called up onna phone and Left-a-Message. We don't pik uppa phone onna'count obba Fakt dat bunnies do not hab Opposable Thumbs.

So den Mr Mouse came back toda Houz and he felt a widdle bedder onna'count obba Fakt dat he'd had "sub-Q flooids" stuck in him, but he'd also got sum meddysin and stuff, so he felt good enuf to be inna PO'ed Mood.

So den, alla Suddin, Phil showed up and dis was while Dadda was racin' around geddin' dressed to go out, and Maman didn't feel too good because ob being inna car too long and sumfing aboutta "phone call too Noo Yawk dat it was too late to make." So Maman gibbed Phil a Birfday Card for anna'Lanna because Yestidday was her Birfday! (Hoppy Birfday, Alanna! Alla Us Togedder are Wishing You Menny Hoppy Returns obba Day!)

And den, when fings got quiet again, Mouse says to MissyBun, rilly conversationally,

"Maman tolda V-E-T dat you are a Garbage Gut anna Noo V-E-T laffed."

And MissyBun was wike, "Whut?"

And her ears sort ob began to stick out frum her head wike dey do whin she's beginning to get dat "Disapproving Rabbit" wook.

And Mouse says, "Maman tolda Noo V-E-T dat you are a Garbage Gut anna Noo V-E-T laffed because she had nebber herd dat werd bifore."

And MissyBun says, "Whut 'Noo V-E-T'?"

And Mouse says, "Da Noo V-E-T dat I saw because Dr Sharin wasn't in tidday. You habbin't seen her yet."

And so Missy's ears are sticking almost straight out frum her hed, which issa Preddy Bad Sign.

And she says, "Wookit, Mouse, go back toda pawt where Maman sed sumfing."

And Mouse says, "Oh, you mean 'Garbage Gut'?"

And by now, I preddy much know whut's coming nextest, so I'm moobin' along to okkypye da High Ground inna pootie-box just wike me,Hunny told me to do whin fings begin to wook wike dey are starting to go all pear-shaped inna habbytat.

And just to be onna Safest Side, I sed to Missy:

"You are a Lubly bun-gurl ob Gen'rus Proporshuns."

And dat was just bifore da pink bell-ball toy whizzed past my hed.

So I just squeezed innu dat pootie box and kept my ears down.

So whin alla da toy-throwin' and shoutin' was ober, and afta Dadda came home and telled Maman alla'bout Whut Had Happined To Him, Maman came out innu da Bun Room. And she sed to MissyBun,

"I told the Noo V-E-T what a wonderful little Garbage Gut you are, MissyBun Hawpa, how you can eat just about anything at all while these picky little boys all seem to get Trummy Troubles at the drop of a hat."

And MissyBun wooks ober Maman's shoulder at Mr Mouse and she says,

"See? Seedat Widdle Mr Show-Off Mouse! Dat's whut happins whin you eats a Baby Organic Carrot to show off in frunt ob Maman and den tries to tell a story 'bout me! HA! I'mma GOOD 'Garbage-gut' and you're a 'picky widdle boy'-toy! You hear dat? Ha-ha-dubble-HA!"

And dat's just my Missy whin she's inna PO'ed mood and Mr Mouse whin he doesn't feel berry good onna'count ob eating sum Astro Turf and habbin' bin toda V-E-T's and it wasn't ebben Our Dr Sharin which musta bin preddy skerry all on its own.

But it pays to do "ReeSeach".

Dat's whut Maman allus says. ReeSearch is to wook and den wook again, which is why it is called "re" and "search" - onna'count obba Fakt dat you hab to wook at fings more den once. If sumfing wooks too good to be troo da furst time around, she sed, it ushually is, so wook again, gedda Fakts, and den fink "horses, not zeebras". Becos if you hears hoofbeats, you gotta know where there is the Highest Ground and den pile uppa Fakts and keep your ears down.

---------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 10:26 AM EDT

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Tuesday, 20 June 2006

George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 20
Now Playing: Summertime George - A Noo Song dat I Just Made Up!

Hoo boy!

And it's anudder too-hot day heer at Our Warren.

So I am stuck indoors, which issnot the same as being stuck innadoor, which would be a very Bad Fing if you are a bunny. Which I am. So ebberybunny heer makes very sure dat they nebber, ebber manages to get caught between a closing door anna door-jam, so as not to get stuck inna door.

Whut I mean by "stuck indoors" issat Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren are staying Inside da Houz where there is Air Condishying, because it is Too Hot for ennybunny to go Outside Onna Screen Porch for Playtime.

Our Fan is not yet "On" onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman says it's not Quite Hot Enuf Yet, but It Will Be Soon. So we're waiting around for that to happin.

And we're also waiting around to see if Our Phil will show up.

Yestidday, he came and took Maman's 'puter apart and then put it back togedder so that it would werk faster. And it is werking much faster onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman hasn't Installed alla her programs again - when, she says, da 'Puter will prob'ly slow down again because it will be Full.

As she says, "Ennyfing runs faster whin it's nekkid."

And Our Phil says, "No way." and lafs at her, which issa Preddy Dang'rous Fing To Do, but Our Phil is preddy Fearless or preddy Stoopit (depending on your Outlook) whinit comes to Maman.

Alla Us Togedder hab to say dat, onna whole, we fink ob Our Phil as preddy Fearless, unless he's Tweaking Mouse's bunny-tail, at which point he has verges directly innu Stoopit Terrytory, but Maman says he is young and will prob'ly Ged Ober Dis.

Mr Mouse says, "Mebbe."

So Maman is Uppystairs, fighting wif her 'Puter and saying Bad Werds to it because Phil told her dat it would be "Preddy Easy" to Install Alla Stuff she is Used to Habbing, BUT, onna'count obba Fakt dat she is NOT a Computer Hardware Engineer who gots trained inna Naby like Phil is, she is habbin a Hard Time Obbit.

As Phil says, "You can't moron-proof ebberyfing."

And dere is No Way, Dadda says, to "Maman-proof" ennyfing.

So dis wooks it's gonna be anudder wun ob dose Lost Days where we are more-or-less LOST out heer inna Bun Room while Maman is preddy much lost uppystairs in her hed wiffa 'puter.

Our Bestest "Chance Ob ResQue" wuld be for Phil to come ober heer right away, and Install Alla Dis Stoopit Stuff FOR Maman and mebbe do it SOONEST so mebbe we culd get sum 'TTENTION around heer, and mebbe sum Treats and sum PETS, onna'count obba Fakt dat Dadda has gone to werk, anna Dawg anna Catz are snoozing and Alla Us Togedder are just, plain BORED!

But, onna udder paw, it's clouding up outside, anna trees are beginning to shake inna breeze - we can see dis frum Our Warren's Memorial Window - and Maman sed datta Wedder Service down in Mount Holly sed dere are still Funderstorms hanging around, left ober frum Last Nite, so mebbe dere is gonna be a storm-wif-funder or sumfing, and Maman will hab to shut offa'Puter and come downnastairs to be wif US. Dis is because we bunnies don't wike funder and espeshually, lightning, which MissyBun says is too bright and hurts her eyes. But mebbe it won't be too bright onna'count ob it being Alreddy Daytime outside obba Houz.

Well, den just Enuf to ged Maman downnastairs, hokay?

Yeah. We can but hope, as Dadda says.

But eidderway, sumhow, sumfing around dis Houz has gotta gib!

So... While I'm waiting around for Fings To Start Happining, I Decided I would Sing A Song. Since I don't know enny song about "Being Bored" and Not Liking It, I made dis wun up:

George's Noo "I Don't Wanna Be Bored" Song

Cos I won't be bored!
And I don't wanna be 'nored!
Leeb da 'Puter alone,
And don't talk onna Phone!
Come and take me out to play
Onna sunshiney day!
Cos I'm Summertime George
And I don't wanna be Bored!

Sing it wif me wun time! Eb-bree-bun-ny!

Cos I won't be bored!
And I don't wanna be 'nored!
Leeb da 'Puter alone,
And don't talk onna Phone!
Come and take me out to play
Onna sunshiney day!
Cos I'm Summertime George
And I don't wanna be Bored!

----------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 9:36 AM EDT

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Monday, 19 June 2006

George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 19
Now Playing: Summer Inna Citty - Dunno, We just herd it onna radio

Heer's a new wun for you: Maman sed it is too hot for us to go out onna Screen Porch!

Yeah!

Can you believe dat?

Too hot for bunnies to be inna Bun Pen onna Screen Porch. Which means dat we hab to hab our Playtime INSIDE inna Houz, and not OUTSIDE onna Screen Porch where there are no Preddytors, just shade, pretend grass, breezes, a Tunnel and Udder Toys, Our Own Wadder Crock and Rabbits-Dat-Hab-No-Smell.

It was Our Play Yard and now it is too hot for us to go out dere!

I have herd obba lotta fings in my Life, but dat hasta take da Proverbial Cookie, lemme tell you!

Anna Fat-Cat motored by and sed to me, "Whutsamatta, GeorgeBunnyRabbit? Maman is making you stay inside obba Houz? I can go where I wike!"

And I'm wike, "Yeah, but dat's becos Maman wikes us bedder and doesn't want ennyfing to happin to us bunnies!"

Anna stoopit catz trooped out to sit onna Screen Porch, followed byda Dawg, who was slinkin' outta door behind Beep, who is his Personal Cat.

Aktchually, Beep hassa Dawg as her Personal Barrier and Distracktion against Cokie, but since Da Dawg doesn't know dis is going on, she just lets him fink it's da udder way 'round.

So den Dadda comes on fru da Bun Room and says to Maman dat it is Too Hot forda Bunnies inna Bun Room.

And Maman comes in and says,

"Whut we need issa fan to blow da Air Condishuning around fru frumma Kitchin, onna'count obba fakt dat da Air issn't moobing All Dat Much and needs to."

Maman can make a whole lotta sense, but only if you know her.

So she sed to Dadda dat dere wassa Fan eidder Downnastairs inna Basemint or else it was Uppastairs inna Attic, and Dadda could choose in place he wanted to Look Furst. She just bemembered seeing a box wiffa grey fan innit sittin' onna shelf sumwheres but she didn't recall iffit was Uppastairs or Downnastairs.

And she sed to Dadda, "Good Luck."

And Dadda sed to Maman, "Too right."

Which preddy much sums up how dey go aboud doing fings togedder.

So Dadda decided dey shuld look Downnastairs inna Basemint, furst. So Maman sed, "Hokay." and off dey wint toda Basemint, wif Maman following Dadda.

Well, dat brought Da Dawg in frumma Screen Porch where he had bin watching His Cat, Beep, onna'count obba Fakt dat his Primary Job Assa Border-Collie is Doing Fings Wif Dadda, except dat he issa'Fraid obba Basemint and won't go Down Dere.

So Da Dawg stood atta Top O'Th' Stairs and Peeped, which is the Official Border-Collie Worried-Sound, to let Maman, and especially Dadda, know dat he was onna Job.

So Alla Us Togedder in Our Warren can hear Maman and Dadda downnastairs inna Basemint:

Maman: That box.
Dadda: (grunt) This one?
Maman: No, that one, over more.
Dadda: Left or right?
Maman: My way.
Dadda: Which way?
Maman: Ummm...
Dadda: What?
Maman: The one next to that one over there, in the back. Down a bit.
Dadda: (grunt) This one?
Maman: Why are you moving that one?
Dadda: Because it's in the way.
Maman: But that's not it.
Dadda: I know. It's the other one.
(Tearing sound)
Maman: What was that?
Dadda: It's the box.
Maman: Which box?
Dadda: The one you wanted!
Maman: Does it have the fan inside?
Dadda: How the hell should I know? There's a cardboard box in the way!
Maman: Oh. Well... Lemme look inside.
Dadda: Let me set it down first.
Maman: That's it! It says "GeeEee" on the box!
Dadda: Why didn't you say so in the first...never mind. I should have asked. Does it have a cord?
Maman: A whut?
Dadda: A Cord. A thing to plug it in.
Maman: Of course it does.
Dadda: I mean, attached to it.
Maman: Oh yes! My Father didn't fix it or anything if that's what you mean. No, this fan always worked. In fact, when I was a little girl, this fan used to sit on the dresser in my parents' room - of course, it occillates - turns back and forth -
Dadda: I know what occillates means, dear. They use words like that in British universities, too.
Maman: Right. Well, it used to occillate back and forth. Maybe it still does. It should do. But you can't be sure with something this old. Even if Daddy hasn't messed with it, which it doesn't look like he has. I remember that they moved it from room to room as they needed it. I guess it's probably circa 1950, which would make it, probably, how many years old now?
Dadda: Charlotte, stop swinging it around by it's motor and give it to me. You go upstairs and I'll carry it up. Watch where you're going, Love.
(Thud, loud bumping noises)
Dadda: Careful dear. Mind the dustpan. Don't try to pick it up; I'll get it later.
Maman: I'm not trying to pick anything up. I tripped on the stair. It's just I haven't seen that fan in how many years? And now it's going to cool off the bunnies!
Dadda: Just please mind where you're going. I don't want to have to go to the Accident... (Crashing, sounds of something falling downnastairs) Never mind, I'll pick up the boom and sweeper later. Keep going, Sweetheart.

And den they were back uppastairs wif dis grey Fan. And ob course Maman wanted to plug it in right away and she's practically dancing around Dadda, showing him where the On/Off button is located (Wike, dere is more den wun?) and how it goes Back-and-forth (which Dadda can't stop it frum doing onna'count obba Fakt dat dis is wun OLD fan!).

So Dadda plugs inna Fan and preddy soon, we gotta Cool Breeze coming fru da Bun Room.

And balls ob Clover's Shedding Fur come rolling across da floor along wif bits ob hay dat hextkaped Maman's broom, and stray bits ob laundry-lint frumma Dryer, and ebberyfing.

And den heer come da Catz in frum offa Screen Porch, and Cokie-da-Fat-Cat says to me,

"You know whut, GeorgeBunnyRabbit? It is TOO HOT out dere onna Screen Porch!"

And den alla suddin, da Dawg comes steaming past, onna'count obba Fakt dat he has suddinly bemembered his Udder Furst Job Assa Border-Collie which is to Enforce Maman's Furst Rool Obba Houz, which is No Catz Inna Bun Room!. And he starts herdin' Cokie and Beep, much to their annoyance, outta da Bun Room.

And Cokie says toda Dawg, "Push off, Dawg! I wanna lie down inna breeze!"

And he tries to flop down inna doorway between da Bun Room anna Kitchin, 'cept forda Fakt dat Maman is now cruisin' back and forth between those two rooms and ob course she trips ober Cokie, and that makes Dadda yell at him to "MOOBIT, BIFORE I MAKE YOU INNNU A FURRY BEDROOM SLIPPER!"

And so we're sitting ober heer in Our Bun Room enjoying breezes frum Our Fan, watchin' da Dawg make da Catz "moobit" while we're sitting in Our Habbytats habbing sum Raisins onna'count obba Fakt dat Maman says we're "Such good bunnies!"

And we are.

Sure, it's not Playtime onna Screen Porch, but It's Entertainmint.

----------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 7:04 AM EDT

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Thursday, 15 June 2006

George's Sixth Stand; Day Number 15
Now Playing: Cracker Box Palace - George Harrison

Well...

Missy and I hadda turn inna Bun Pen onna Screen Porch yestidday!

Maman wassa One who seed da Bun Pen inna catty-log and den ordered it for us, and although it took a coupla days to ged here, all I can say issat it is Preddy Nice! Yeah!

It's really nuffin' dat you could call Noo. It's justa Pen, made outta da same sorta stuff as our habbytats atta Old House, but alla the square panels innit hab Hinges so that the shape ob it can be changed frumma Square, to a Rektangle, to a Hexygon (which is a Cirkul wif elbows). And it is "Portable" which means dat it can be folded up and taked frumma Screen Porch to Sumewhere Else if Maman and Dadda feel like mooving it or sumfing.

But one fing dat dis Bun Pen doesn't hab issa Door - but I will tell you more aboud Dis Problem later on! Because it issa Problem ob Sum Signiffygance.

Ennyways, Maman has set uppa Bun Pen onna Screen Porch where there are NO:
Preddytors
Insekts
Rain or
hoomins Maman doesn't like or trust

We Bunnies are totally SAFE when enny member ob Our Warren is out inna Pen Onna Screen Porch, or "POSP", as we like to say amongst ourselves.

Da Dawg does tend to come by da Bun Pen a lot, and sit out dere onna Screen Porch wif us. He sits right dere unnerneaf obba dinner table and watches ober da whole Back Gardin, most obba Frunt Gardin, sum obba Sidewalk, anna good slice obba Street onna'count obba fakt, he says, dat he owns ALL obbit.

He says dat it is his dooty to sit dere, and watch ebberyfing and den Bark, rilly loud, if ennybunny ebben touches enny pawts ob whut he sees as being his. And by ennybunny, he means hoomins walking by, dawgs - ebben if they are on leashes - enny catz, squirrells, birds - ennybunny who isn't us.

Dis means dat he does quite a bit ob barking, ob which Maman does not approve. And he gets yelled at. A Lot. Mostly by Dadda, but dat's because Maman has just gibben up, as she says.

And den we do hab da odd cat or two wandering fru. Ob course "odd" and "cat" go togedder in dis Houz, so it seems like using one werd to describe da udder wun is redundant...

But dere you are.

Cokie-da-Fat-Cat comes out onna Screen Porch mainly to catch da aftanoon breezes and to read da Noos onna wind. Beep-da-Udder-Cat comes out all fru da Day, closely followed by her pal, da Dawg. Mostly, Beep-da-Udder-Cat is just coming out to Look - and she tends to watch ebberyfing, so dat ebben watching a leaf falling past issa 'Vent for her. Whin da Wind Chimes start clanging togedder inna breeze, she's just hextstatik.

Maman says Beep issa Simple Cat; it doesn't take much to entertain her.

But none ob dem are allowed to come innu da Bun PenOnly bunnies can be innit.

Maman has put in a tall, plastic Rabbit Dat Has No Smell to be inna Pen wif us. It is sort of light brown coloured, and it has brown eyes. Years ago, it usta sit inna middle obba group ob Rabbits Dat Hab No Smell and Belinda Bunny usta go up to it, knock it ober and den sit where it was sitting, wike she hadda knock ober da biggest rabbit ob alla dem bifore she could sit wiffa Group Ob Rabbits Dat Had No Smell.

Now da same Rabbit Dat Has No Smell is sitting in Our Bun Pen. So Beebe and den I hab bin knocking it ober, like Belinda. Mouse just goes up to it and chins it, but Beebe and I hab to knock it ober, like Belinda. Missy and Clover just ignore it.

And Maman sits dere in her liddle rocking chair and axts questions, like, "Why do sum bunnies feel dat dey must knock ober dat Rabbit Dat Has No Smell?"

Yeah. Like we're gonna tell her. Well, then, Maman is known for axting Questions Involving Speculation and Discussion.

But dere is no use in discussing wedder or not da Pen Onna Screen Porch or POSP, hassa DOOR, because it doesn't. Dere is NO DOOR!

When Dadda piks us up, outta our Habbytats to take us toda POSP, he hasta step ober da side obba Pen to set us down on our feets inside ob it. Dis is far frum easy for him as da Pen is preddy high and Dadda hasta lift his leg preddy high to ged himself inside obbit. Stepping ober hurdles at his age isn't hextactly his strongest-point ennymore.

So, being da kind ob bunny dat I am, I thought I could help him out wif habbin to step ober da side obba Pen to set us down inside obbit, you know? Whut we need in dat Pen issa door so dat Maman and Dadda could get in-and-outta da Pen more easily - because if they can get in-and-out more easily (or ebben bedder, if we bunnies could get in-and-out on our own!) we could get more playtime!

And then I could be out, POSPing inna morning, wif Beep-da-Udder-Cat, sorta watching sum leaves fly past, or watching to tell da Dawg if enny birds or ennyfing landed on his sidewalk, and den I could go inside to da habbytat I share wif MissyBun and get sum hay and habba nap or sumfing, and den go out POSPing again later on inna aftanoon. All on my own, wiffout habbin to bodder enny hoomins! Dat's IF dere wassa DOOR onna Pen.

But there currently IS NO Door!

Which I figgered must be sum kinda obersight or sumfing.

So I sat down and hadda Fink.

And I suddenly realised datta Pen was made just like da habbytat I usta lib in atta Old Houz!

And when I libbed in dat place, it didn't habba door for me to get through to go see MissyBun, eidder. So, insted ob complaining to Dadda aboudda lack obba door, I made one ob my own. I ebben made up a song to sing while I was making it, which made da werk involved go dat much more easily.

So I thought to myself, "George, Dadda has enuf to do wiffout habbin to pik you bunnies up alla time whin you wanna be outside onna Screen Porch inna Bun Pen. Whut you need issa DOOR! So you can help Dadda here by making your own door!"

So I made a Noo Door Song:

I'm....
Chewin' a hole
Chewin' a hole
Chewin' a hole
To help Da-da!

I'm...
Chewin' a hole
Chewin' a hole
Chewin' a hole
Inna Bun Pen!

And I just was getting started on making Da Door Inna Bun Pen this morning, whin alla suddin, Maman grabbed me frum behind and hoisted me up offa my feets and started Force Petting me.

And I'm like, "Hey! Put me down!"

And she's like, "George! You're SUCH A cutie-pie little boy! I'm going to kiss your nosey!"

And I'm like, "Well, yeah, go on, ged it ober wif."

And she kisses my nose, and squooshes my cheeks and gibs me all kinds of cheek-rubs and ear-massages, and nose-bonks, and I'm like lapping dat stuff up because it's nice to be loved, and den she sets me down on my feets again and just as she turns around to go back innu da Kitchin, fru da Bun Room, she says to me,

"Now don't you go doing enny ob dat chewing, Georgie-Good-Boy."

And I'm like, "Hey, Whutdaheck? I'm doing alla dat for Dadda!"

And she adds, "If you chew on dat noo Bun Pen, you and your Dadda's going to be having Werds."

So now I dunno whut to do. I certainly don't wanna hab enny Werds wif Dadda! But atta same time, I can't imagine who wouldn't wanna habba free, custom-chewed DOOR...

-------------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 3:25 PM EDT

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Wednesday, 14 June 2006

George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 14
Now Playing: Hoppy Flag Day!

Yeah!

Ebberybunny sellybrate onna'count ob it being Flag Day!

We heer in Our Warren are not usually political - well no more than udder bunnies - but we do support Our Service Peoples no madder who they is or was or where they happins to be!

For hextample, we supports Our Phil-da-Lad, SA's Auntie Patricia and The Flock's Unkul Bernie who are ALL THREE ~*~*Navy*~*~ veterans! And we supports Sheeba's Unkle Peter who was inna ~*~*Air Force*~*~ and we espeshully supports The Herd's Auntie Grace anna Speshul Bunny-Guy Sgt. Matt, who keep da ~*~*Army*~*~ rollin' along!

And we supports Da Florida Contingent's Unkul Roberto and Chester's Auntie Sue alla rest obba veterans who were "there"! In fakt, we supports alla peoples dat Maman has told us about, who were inna Army, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, National Guard and most 'speshully da Navy - ebberybun who went away frum home wif dis Flag flying ober dem.

Maman telled us about how Our Bim went down whin he heared aboutta'Tack On Pearl Harbour, and wif his bestest friends tried to Enlist inna Army Flying Service. Maman sed dat her Dadda was no older den Our Phil back den, and preddy much just as stoopit onna'count ob being young. He had just gotted innu unnyversity atta place called "Dook" and so udder hoomins thought he was older den he rilly was (which was too young to go "Enlisting" in ennyfing).

So he went to "Enlist," and he and his three friends (just wike Phil anna Rent-A-Teens) went togedder and tried to Enlist inna Army Flying Corps, but they was all turned down for one reason or anudder. Bim gotted turned down onna'count obba fakt dat he had "flat feets," (which I suppose issa bad fing if you are not a bunny).

So Our Bim and his friends were standing around all dejected onna street corner, and dis Navy Chief beckoned to them frum acrosst da street.

Anna Navy Chief sed to Bim and His Friends: "You guys wook wike you've just lost your last friend inna werld. Whuttaheck happined? You get tossed out byda Army or sumfing?"

And Our Bim sed, "We went toda Army Flying Corps to enlist, but they turned us down."

Anna Navy Chief nodded, and opined the door to his liddle office and sed, "Well you guys come right on in heer. The Navy doesn't let anyone down!"

And Our Bim and his friends went innu da liddle office wiffa Chief and they all signed up forda Navy.

And then Our Bim went home, and his Mother (who was Maman's Granny) sed, "Where hab you bin, Willow?" (Which is whut she called Our Bim).

And Our Bim sed, "I signed up forda Navy."

And his Mother, who was his Mawmie and Our Maman's Granny, didn't say ennyfing at furst - which wassa RILLY BAD sign! (And dis is sumfing Our Maman has piked up frum her) - and den Our Maman's Granny called her husbun, who was Bim's Fadder and Our Maman's Granddaddy, and she called her Housekeeper, who was Annie Hamilton, and she called Annie Hamilton's husbun. And Maman's Granny told Annie Hamilton's husbun to dribe Maman's Granddaddy (he wassa clergyman) down to dat Navy Chief's Office and TELL him dat Bim was too young to be 'listed and to ged him off dat Enlisted Buk RIGHT AWAY!

And den she told Annie Hamilton to gedda houz reddy cos there was gonna be tea wiffa Admiral's wife. And Annie Hamilton agreed wif Our Maman's Granny (and dat in itself, was preddy skerry, Our Bim sed!) and sed dat she didn't hold wif Our Bim going around finking he was old enuf to go geddin' himself Enlisted wifout consulting ennybun, and den she wint off to "speak" to da udder housekeepers in Newport.

And den ALLA guys, inklooding Our Bim, were suddinly inna Whole Werld Ob Trubble, most obbit caused by Wimmin finding Out Fings (which also happins heer at Our Warren).

But it didn't make enny dif'frunce.

Cos alla guys had signed papers forda U.S. Navy and they were innit and that was preddy much, that. Even Enraged Mawmies, Admiral's Wifes and Scots Housekeepers can't force the U.S. Navy to back down once they've decided on sumfing. Even the fakt that Our Bim was underage didn't rilly madder, onna'count obba fakt dat he was in Doctor's Skool and the Navy needed alla guys that were even studying to become doctors.

So the Navy taught Our Bim to be a Surgical Nurze and sent him away to HaverDeGrace, Maryland, to some Hospiddle called "Bainbridge," where he had lots ob 'Ventures, most ob which he did NOT tell to his Mother (Maman's Granny) or to Annie Hamilton, onna'count obba fakt dat he wasn't quite as stoopit as ebberybunny thought he was.

AND onna'count ob knowing Our Bim, and seeing dat Our Phil-da-Lad not only looks like him, but also acts like him, Our Maman doesn't bodder to axt Phil about "Whut he did inna Navy" - cos furst ob all, she issn't all dat sure, habbin' heard whut happined wif Bim, dat she wants to know whut happined wif Phil, and sekond ob all, she knows dat her chances ob hearing Da Real Honest Troof About Whut Happined Wif Phil Inna Navy are about 100 to 1.

Maman sed dat Mothers are just aboud da LAST peoples to ebber know Da Troof about ennyfing relating to their 'dult kidlets. Da 'dult kidlets know, but they just don't tell and Mothers hab no biznezz hextpecting to be involved beyond a "certain age." (And they sure hab no biznezz, Maman says, to go around carrying signs, gedding arrested, going onna tellyvishion and demanding "a meeting" wiffa Pressydent whin dere kidlet knew full-stop whut he signed up for. As her Granny found out, dere are times when ebben Newport Ladies must learn to graciously accept Things As They Are.)

As Maman has said, "George, young hoomins are still young hoomins, and frum Nelson to Nimitz, and frum Plymouth (the reel one, in Inkland) to Pensacola, da Navy issa Navy and all sailors are preddy much alike, and if you know one, you preddy much know alla dem - the good ones, that is."

But What Is Rilly Impawtant, says Maman, issat da Flag is still dere, assa symbol to ebberybun dat, no madder how upsetting political fings seem to ged, da fundamental freedoms dat form da foundation of dis country - freedom to worship our God, freedom to speak as we please, freedom to write our own laws anna freedom frum absolute tyranny - remain intact, so long as dat Flag continues to fly.

So if you see dat Flag flying tidday, please fink ob sumbun who Enlisted unner'neaf obbit, and if you see sumbun inna millytary unnyform, go up to dem, shake dere hand and say "Fank You" for serving.

And if you feel a liddle bit patriotic tidday, it's hokay. Ebberyfing in moderashun - not too much, not to liddle; just enuf not to drag your feets and not too much to be prideful. Just enuf to nosebonk sumbun else and say, "I am thankful to be part ob dis Great Warren wif you!"

----------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 8:42 AM EDT

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Monday, 12 June 2006

George's Sixth Strand; Day Number 12
Now Playing: Listen, Do You Wanna Know A Sekret? - The Beatles
Well, Maman and I were Uppastairs yestidday and we ordered sum stuff OnLine for Dadda.

Yeah!

As Maman sed, "Dere is no sense in paying full price for a few fings when we can gedda whole bunch ob dees Oberstocks forda same munny."

So we did.

Anna fings are called "Golf Shirts" but I am not sus'posed to tell ennybunny aboudd'em onna'count obba fakt dat dey are a "sekret".

So I went downnastairs and told MissyBun because I allus tell her ebberyfing onna'count obba fakt dat she is my bond-mate. And Missy told Clover because they are friends, and Clover told Beebe who ob course told Mr Mouse and we, Alla Us Togedder figgered dat Maman buying the Golf Shirts shuld become a Sekret in Our Warren and we would not tell da Catz onna'count obba fakt dat dey wuld most likely tell Dadda because dat's how Catz are.

And den Maman called up Phil-da-Lad and telled him aboudda Golf Shirts and added dat he hadda Certain Amount ob Munny and dat he hadda take Dadda Sumplace in order to get sum Udder Golf Stuff dat Maman had writed down onna List. AND dat he hadda take his sistah Beffy along wif him inna carrier.

And this was also anudder Sekret, but Phil hadda tell his sistah, Beffy, only not ALLA IT, onna'count obba fakt dat Beffy can't keep a Sekret, not at ALL.

And dis is ALL onna'count ob Fadder's Day dat is coming on nextest Sunday, which issa Day dat Dadda don't like At ALL!

In fakt, Dadda hates da whole idea ob Fadders' Day, and finks dat it is Stoopit, onna'count obba fakt dat dere are so menny Fadders around who just don't take being a Fadder all dat seriously. As Dadda says, frowing offa kit or two or three don't make sumbun a Fadder. You hafta werk at being a Fadder, and he doesn't feel dat he issa Fadder onna'count obba fakt dat he hasn't been heer at Our Warren since Day One. But he is as proud ob Phil and Beffy as though they were his own Kids, if he had kids, which he doesn't, 'cept for us Furkids (which inkloods da Catz anna Dawg).

Ob course, da way Alla Us Togedder feels abouddit issat he's been heer and been fru justa'bout as much as enny Fadder can be es'peckted to go fru (and he's alive to talk abouddit!) so he quallyfies assa Genuine Fadder as far as We are concerned (and We are who madder around heer!).

But ennyways, Maman says we are gibbin' Dadda "Golf" for Fadder's Day, along wif Phil and Beffy, and we are doing dis whole Fadders' Day Fing and keeping it a Big Sekret!

Yeah!

So, dis morning, as Maman was folding laundry inna Bun Room wif us, and she's axting us "Who Wuld Like To Go Out Onna Screen Porch". Dis issa Noo Question she axts us ebbery day now that it is Summer heer at Our Warren. Dis is onna'count obba fakt dat she's gotta Noo Bun Pen dat she has set up onna Screen Porch where bunnies can go and play and sort ob be "outside" wiffout akchually being Outside where it is Dangerous for us to be. Only da Bun Pen issn't big enuf for Alla Us Togedder to be out onna Screen Porch atta same time, so we take turns being Out Dere in it and ebbery morning we diskuss who is gonna be innit.

Whut's fair is fair, as Maman says.

So I sed, "Well, Mr Mouse or Clover and Beeb can go out onna'count obba fakt dat Missy and I can go wif Phil and Beffy to gedda Golf Fings."

And Maman is wike, "How'd you werk dat wun out, George?"

And I'm wike, "Phil sed he was gonna go sumtime dis week to gedda Golf Fings and you sed he was in charge obba munny and dat Beffy wassa Carrier. So we'll go inna carrier wif Beffy."

And Maman sed, "They're going inna car. Phil's driving, so probably in his car."

And I sed, "Yeah. So we'll go in Beffy's carrier to keep her compiny."

And Maman sed, "Wookit, Beffy doesn't go IN a carrier, even though her brother might want to put her in one. She's going along to help carry da Golf Fings."

And I'm like, "Oh."

And Missy is like, "Well, den, how are WE pawt ob dis big Sekret, den if we can't go IN da carrier wif Beffy? Huh?"

And Maman sed, "Cos you can't tell Dadda WHY he is going along onna shopping trip wif Phil and Beffy. It has to be a suprise to him that he is going along with them to pick out Golf Things for himself."

And Mr Mouse axted Maman how come, if we was gibbin Dadda da pressent ob Golf Fings, why we didn't pick dem out on our own and den gib dem to him?

And Maman sed dat she didn't know da Furst Fing aboudda Golf Fings and dat dey were "Very Personal Fings" in enny case, and dat Dadda hadda pik dem out on his own.

So I axted her, "So whutdaheck is Golf, ennyways?"

And Maman sed, "Golf issa a game where you hit a little white ball with a special stick-thing and then walk along after it through a special park."

And Clover sed dat following a ball around sounded preddy stoopit, wike sumfing Da Dawg would do inna Back Gardin.

And Maman continued, "It's very good exercise and Dadda needs exercise and he likes to play Golf, so we're giving him the stuff to play the game."

And I'm wike, "And dis issa Sekret?"

And Maman sed, "Well, it was a sekret, George. That is, until you went and blogged about it."

And I'm like, "Whut?"

And Maman is like, "Lookit, Bunnyrabbit, all this "stuff" about Dadda getting Golf Fings for Fadders' Day was a "Sekret" - that is, something not told to ennybunny else - until YOU (meaning ME) typed it all down in your Hay Diaries blog for the Whole Wide Werld to read about! But since you've typed it all down, now ennybunny, including your Dadda, can read all about "Whut Dadda Is Gedding For Fadders' Day" right there in "George's Sixth Strand" in his Hay Diaries. So it's not much of a Sekret anymore, is it?"

And I'm like, "Uh, well, no, I s'spose not."

And Missy is wike, "Uh oh. Now you've dunnit, George."

Which issa Big Help if you know whut I mean. Lemme tell you!

And so Missy and I went out innu da Bun Pen onna Screen Porch, and we hadda Fink.

So, um, Dadda, if you are reading dis Blog inna Hay Diaries, Missy and I want you to know dat we are not going ennywheres tidday inna carrier or ennyfing else. And we also want you to know dat Bunnies do not rilly shop or manage to take advantage ob Oberstock Sales at Land's End or ennyfing wike dat. I made alla dat up. Sorta. It's wike Da Davinchy Code Buk - ALL FICTION - which issa devise writers use to capture innerest, you know?

And dere is no such Fing as Golf and we're not taking enny parts in gedding enny Golf Fings for Fadders' Day, onna'count obba fakt dat we bunnies heer at Our Warren hab nebber herd ob Fadders' Day, eidder.

Dere. Cos we're not telling enny Sekrets. How's that?

------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 10:02 AM EDT

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Friday, 9 June 2006

George's Sixth Strand; Day Number Nine!
Hoppy Day, Ebberybun!

Yeah!

Whuttaday!
Dere is gonna be sun!
Dere is gonna be Screen Porch!
Dere is gonna be fun!
Dere is gonna be Free Range Bunnies!

Dere is gonna be hay!
Dere is gonna be Garden!
Dere is gonna be play!
Dere is gonna be Sunny Day Bunnies!

Are we talking da Good Life heer? You bet'cha!

And we were 'fraid da Alla Good Life days had vanished with Phil anna'Lanna - Well, we were wrong!

Maman and Dadda ordered us a Noo Porch Pen! Dis means dat Four ob Our Warren can be out onna Screen Porch atta same time, wiffout Beebe habbin' Ownership Ishoos.

You know how Beebe-Bunny (bless his widdle cotton socks, as Dadda says, although Beebe doesn't wear socks...) but you know how Beebe wassa School Bunny for a lotta his life, and consequently issn't quite whut Maman calls "All There"? Well, part ob his "not being there" issat he finks he hasta Own Ebbery Fing Inna Whole Wide Werld, which inkloods ebberywhere's dat he can see, which is ebberyfing he can reach to chin.

And he also finks dat ebbery womin inna werld wants him, inklooding My MissyBun.

Ob course, I hab alreddy told him, inna kindest possible way dat she doesn't want him At All but Beebe hassa way ob not bemembering ennyfing ennybunny tells him longer den free sekonds.

So being out onna Screen Porch wif him atta same time wif him and Ms Clover, his bondmate, can be preddy stressful if you happin to be anudder bunny, like me. Which is why Maman and Dadda only let him and Ms Clover be out dere by demselves anna Rest Ob Us hadda wait for Our Turns to be out onna Screen Porch.

Well, Maman got us a Porch Pen, so dat Ms Clover and Beeb can be out onna Screen Porch atta same time as Missy, Mouse and me, and Beebe won't be able to Start Ennyfing because he will be inna Porch Pen wif Clover, anna rest ob us can be out onna Screen Proch doing Free Range onna'count obba fakt dat we don't hab Ishoos.

And den, says Maman, MissyBun and I can be inna Porch Pen and Clover and Beeb can be Free Range.

Maman calls dis Taking Turns and she says dat this is "Only Fair".

Mr Mouse says dat there issa hole in Maman's reasoning onna'count obba fakt dat he seems to be eidder Free Range wif Missy and me or else in his habbytat, or else, Maman says, he'll hab to sort ob form a Bond wif Missy and me.

Now, I dunno if I wanna share my wifebun wif Mr Mouse, and MissyBun isn't at all sure if she ebben wants to be shared, and Mr Mouse sure isn't sure if he wants to share in habbin' a wife-bun since dat would mean whut he calls Dire 'Sponsibilities dat he has managed to avoid for da last eight years, and isn't sure he wants to take on now, at dis time in his life.

But Maman says dat if Mr Mouse is gonna share da Porch Pen wif MissyBun and me, he's gonna end up inna Three-Way-Bond.

Skerry Thought.

But Maman is habbin it.

And she is habbin dis "Thought", Out Loud, to Dadda while she was also finking Out Loud aboud geddin Noo Porch Chairs (afta we hab gone to alla Trubble to chin alla ones dat are out dere atta momint!) because she doesn't like Aluminimuinuminum.

So while da Noo Porch Pen seems to be Great, we are faced wiffa anudder Noo Problem, which is namely Forced Bonding.

Mebbe.

Now we hab alreddy managed to put up wiffa Dawg anna Catz, but put up wif each udder?

Whut is she, Nutz?

As Mouse sed last nite, "Sumbun hasta stop dis womin frum finking. Whenebber she finks, why are we allus da ones dat wind up habbin to pay for it?"

And I sed I didn't know, but as I sed bifore, it sure seems dat way. I mean, it's wike, she decides dat she and Dadda hab to go on "Bay-Kay-Shun" and we get Phil anna'Lanna, and den she brings home dis Porch Pen and suddinly, we are hearing talk about "Forced Bonding" inna Threesome!

I mean, Whuttaheck? Whut's wrong wif dis pikchur, fellow bunnies?

Dere has got to be some kinda lever inside ob Maman's hed dat will turn off her finking. And it's up to us, Alla Us Togedder, as always, to find it and move it innu da "Off" position.

Udderwise, we are gonna hab BIG more problems heer!

Lemme tell you!

---------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 6:29 AM EDT

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Saturday, 3 June 2006

George's Sixth Strand: Day Number Three
Now Playing: YEAH!

Oh yeah! I DID it! I am HEER!

And it isn't ebben June da 4th!

YEAH!

I told you I would finda way to ged onna 'puter to type a entry inna Hay Diaries and I did! I am heer!

So whut's been going on?

Well, lemme tell you...

While Maman and Dadda are gone away, Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna hab bin heer. Yeah. And while da FOOD (an all-impawtant con-siddy-ray-shun) has continued to be good (fanks to Maman who left a whole lotta De-Tailed 'Struct-shuns) fings onna Sekurity Frunt hab been a widdle onna Uncertain Side Obba Street.

At least if you axt Da Dawg who has Sekurity Issuhoos to begin wif.

Yeah.

You see, da Pwoblem has gen'rally been dat dere is Nite. Ebben though Phil-da-Lad has been carefully 'Structed to LEEB ONNA LIGHTS in Certain Rooms inna Houz, (and he does!) Da Dawg still gets his Anxiety Complex going as soon as it gets to be NITE around heer. AND, onna'count obba fakt dat dere is no Maman or Dadda heer, Da Dawg gets to
Pacing and
Peeping and just
Gen'rally Werrying 'bout all KINDS ob Stoopit Stuff, and keeping Alla Us Togedder heer in Our Warren awake by axting us when Maman and Dadda are coming back.

Anna ansure to dat one is, "Howdaheck do we Bunnies know?"

Cos nobun consulted Alla Us Togedder, dat's for sure!

Howebber, dis is all unnerstandable, onna'count obba fakt datta Dawg has been left OnAlone too much inna Previous Time (which is why NoBunny EnnyWhere shuld ebber be left OnAlone!). And because ob dat Previous Time whenna Dawg was nebber shure if ennybun was ebber gonna come back for him again, he is allus afraid dat nobun is ebber gonna come back for him again.

So he
Paces and
Peeps and just
Gen'rally Werries himself nutz alla time he can't aktually SEE his hoomins.

So Da Dawg is being his usushal Pesty Self and bodderingdaheck outta Alla Us Togedder when Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna aren't aktchually standing rite HEER inna middle obba houz, making noise and talking to each udder, if not toda Dawg, himself.

But da Good News issat Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna decided dat dey wanted to habba Pawtee, so they spent a Coupla Days cleaning uppa Screen Porch, and staying rite HEER where Da Dawg could see dem, so he was preddy happy about dat.

It doesn't take much to make Da Dawg happy (simple fings for simple minds...).

Budda Catz, onna udder paw, are somefing else again, which is preddy usushal, when you come to fink abouddit, onna'count obba fakt dat NUFFING makes Da Catz happy to begin wif.

Well, hokay, WUN Fing makes dem happy and dat is complaining, but Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna hab Three Cats, inklooding Queen KayCee, Princess Priss, and no kitty inna whole Werld can complain like her, not ebben Cokie-da-Fat-Cat (and he knows dis!) - so Phil-da-Lad anna'Lanna preddy much know how to Ignore Useless Cat Complaints.

Hokay, TWO Fings makes Cokie-da-Fat-Cat happy, but Phil isn't ebber, nebber again gonna take him to get Chikin Fingers inna car ebber again. Phil sed dat whin he brought Cokie-da-Fat-Cat home frum dere da Last Time and him and alla Rent-A-Teens was bleeding and had been banned frumma Burger King onna'count obba fakt dat Cokie-da-Fat-Cat had tried to motor IN fru da Drive-Thru Winder ober top ob Phil's hed to ged his order ob Chikin Fingers OUT frumma Burger King.

A Bad Time Was Had By All - 'cept for Cokie-da-Fat-Cat who had a berry GOOD TIME, 'cept for habbing had his tail and leg pulled on a widdle bit by Jeff and Sherwin hanging on trying to stop him frum motoring ober Phil's hed to get innu da Burger King Drive-Thru Winder...

So, ennyways, Da Catz are complaining uppastairs in their Apawtmint onna'count obba fakt dat Phil anna'Lanna aren't Dadda, and Beep-da-Cat is happy because anna'Lanna has combed her fur and cut out alla tangles dat Beep can't reach onna'count obba fakt dat she is too fat.

And Alla Us Togedder are gedding Salad and pellets and a fair amount ob Timothy Hay frumma Hay Locker outside. We are also gedding TREATS which is berry impawtant, 'cept it seems wike Maman has told Phil anna'Lanna sumfing aboud limiting raisins to only FIVE per bunny which is preddy much hare-essy, if you axt me!

I mean, dese are RAISINS, and they come inna tub, forcryingoutloud. Who counts raisins dat come inna tub? Da fing to do, as I see it, is to put da tub innu each bunny's habbytat and let da bunnies decide how menny raisins dey want. We can sorta come and go as we please, innan'outta da tub, you see, onna'count obba fakt datta tub is big enuf to get our heds inside obbit (if you put your ears rite down flat) and den grab a raisin and back out. And if Missy goes and clogs uppa opening obba tub, I can just chew a hole inna side and get in dat way, because I am berry good at chewing a hole and don't mind it if I hab to do it, not if dere are raisins involved...

So we're doing preddy good heer, I fink. Dere is wots ob food, and we hab enuf compiny ('cept forda Dawg, who can nebber hab enuf compiny!), and it is cool and nice inside obba houz. Ob course we miss Maman and Dadda, but Phil anna'Lanna are good at taking care ob Alla Us Togedder, just like Maman sed dey wuld be.

Frankly, I didn't 'speckt ennyfing less obba Bunsitters, cos as Maman says, "Only da BEST for Our Warren."

--------------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:03 AM EDT

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Saturday, 27 May 2006

George'sFifth Strand: Day Number 27
Now Playing: Holly-Day! Uh oh...
Well, Phil-da-Lad is all growed up and 'Tellygint now.

Guess you knowed dat.

Yeah.

Like me, he has gone frum being a Youngbun to being a Top Bun - well, not rilly onna'count obba fakt dat Hoomins habba dif'frunt kinda Hierarchy den Rabbits.

So we will say dat Phil-da-Lad is All Growed Up.

Maman sed datta Naby did it.

Ennyways, he is coming to Bun Sit. Dis issa 'Pawtant Job, which means dat he will hab to do Whut We Say.

Now da Dawg says dat Phil will hab to do Whutta Dawg Says, and dis is fine wif us, so long as it is just inna way obba Dawg going in-and-out fru da Back Door toda Gardin and alla dat stuff.

Anna Fat-Cat says dat Phil will hab to do Whutta Catz Says. Which is also fine wif us, so long as it has to do wif Feeding Catz Sumwheres Uppastairs Where Dey Libs.

Oh, and turning on the Air Con Dishywasher for dem, so dat the Catz don't ged too hot.

Onna'count obba fakt dat it is s'sposed to ged VERY hot dis week-end.

And NO PET should be left inna too hot!

Dis is troo. Because ALL PETS NEED: Acess to clean water, cool air and a clean, shady rest area in hot weather!

Nebber fortyged dis.

Which is anudder reezon why Phil-da-Lad is coming to stay heer wif us.

Oh, and also In Case Ob Emergencies.

Maman says dat dere allus hab to be an Emergency Plan dat Inkloods da Pets so her plan inkloods Phil being heer to take care ob us whin she and Dadda mite not be.

Yeah.

So we, Alla Us Togedder at Our Warren are hokay wif dat, too.

As Missy sed, "As long as the treats come afta da salads, den, hokay, I kin lib wiffit."

But dere's wun fing - I won't be 'lowed to do my Blog!

Can you beeleeb it?

I can't blog, onna'count obba fakt dat Phil-da-Lad doesn't know ennyfing aboud typin' in Lagomorphin like Maman, and so he can't help me!

So I can't type!

I told Maman to let Alla Us Togedder do it all on our own, like usta happin wif Belinda Bunny, but she sed dat prob'ly culdn't happin! Can you Beleeb it?

Well, mebbe I will make it werk!

I WILL put out anudder blog entree BIFORE 4 JUNE!

***THUMP***

Yeah!

Watch me!

At least I fink so.

Gonna try.

Um...

-------------By George

Posted by Our Warren at 10:49 AM EDT

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Tuesday, 23 May 2006

George's Fifth Strand: Day Number 23
Now Playing: They're Killin' da Trees!

Oh HELP!

There is mens outside in Our Warren's Back Garen and they are taking down trees!

Maman is skert. We heer inna Warren can feel da Fear streaming offa her, but she is pretending dat she is not afraid as she puts away da dishes inna kitchin and makes coffee for herself. She has been telling Da Dawg dat it is "All Right", but whut Alla Us Togedder wanna know is: Whuttaheck can be "All right" aboudda strange mens inna Back Gardin, killin' trees?

Maman wint out bifore da mens camed, and she touched two obba trees and said sumfing to dem. I dunno whut. Dem she camed inna houz and sed to me,

"George, only inna 'Murrica can we afford to hab so menny feelin's for trees. In anudder country, dey would see dees trees assa way to cook dere food and keep warm, assa source ob light and heat, and dey would Fank God for dem, anna trees wuld unnerstand. Only heer can we afford to waste dem."

Which only goes to show you how she's not making sense agin. Which is whut allus happins to her whin she is not feeling shure aboud whut is happinin around her.

But Dadda sed datta trees are dangerous in hurrykanes and we mite hab summa does dis year, and datta trees dat hab to come down are da ones dat could easily fall onna houz onna'count obba fakt dat dey are not tight inna ground.

Anna tree fallin' onna houz is no laffin' matter onna'count obba fakt dat it wuld hit da Bun Room furst!

Cos we're closest toda Back Gardin, you see.

Yeah.

So, dat issa'nudder Reeson why da trees hab to go.

But Maman is sad, too, onna'count obba fakt datta trees hab bin inna Back Gardin since she wassa widdle gurl.

Dey are Rilly BIG Trees and takin' dem down is makin' a whole lotta noise.

But wunna da mens comed in and wooked at Our Warren onna'count obba fakt dat he also has Housebunnies and he wants sum more Information aboud Bunnies Libbin' As Urban Rabbits so Maman is gonna send him wif his 'puter to wook at The House Rabbit Society web-site so he can find out alla'boud Bunny Proofing His Houz and spay/neutering for his bunnies (which is rilly, RILLY important!) and 'Dopting Bunnies Frumma Shelter and alla stuff dat ennybunny who hassa Housebunny NEEDS to know.

So Maman feels dat she mite hab done sum widdle bit ob good tiday.

But she is still uppastairs cryin'. (Da Fat-Cat commed down and telled us dis. He is good wike dis, cos he can't keep a Sekret.)

So we dunnno whut to do.

We don't fink dere is ennyfing we can do. It is just wun ob dose fings.

We don't want our houz to get crushed by a tree inna hurrykane, but we feel sorry an' sad forda trees dat is being killed.

How do we tell dem dat we don't mean to hurt dem? Maman tried, but she is afraid dat she don't speak "Tree".

As she sed, all she can do is pray dat sumhow, dey unnerstands dat she is not doing dis wiffout feeling sadness.

Alla God's creation matters, big and small. Maman is shure dis is troo, and just assa smallest annymul matters, so do alla plants, fumma widdlest flower toda biggest tree. If God taked alla time and trubble to put dem heer, dey matters!

An' if dey matters to God, den dey shuld All matter to us. Ebbery wun.

But as Maman says, she is pro'bly wrong abouddit all. She is pro'bly being whut is called "soppy", but we, Alla Us Togedder hab hadda Fink aboud dis berry same fing (and we inklooded da Dawg anna Catz, too) and we, Alla Us Togedder, fink dat Maman is pro'bly more rite den she knows.

Dey are killing da trees inna Back Gardin tiday and it DOES MATTER! So please say a prayer for da three trees inna Back Gardin, and tell dem, if you happin to speak "Tree", dat Maman saved two obb'em (bof obba Oaks) and dat she didn't mean to hurt ennytree. It's just dat dat can't stay where dey is, and dey can't go nowhere's else, and she is sad and sorry dat dis is all happinin as it is.

As she sed, if only dey culd hab gone on to be ob use to sumbun, but dat issn't happinin eidder.

She sed 'Murrica needs to wake up toda fakt dat we can't waste whut udder hoomins libbin' elsewhere need to stay alibe. She sed dat fings wike trees don't mind leebin' da planet if it is for a Cause but dat if dere is no Cause and it is for nuffin', den dat is Wrong.

Ebberyfing shuld hab purpose.

So you see how it is heer.

And we dunno whut to do. So a few ~*~*vibes*~*~, a widdle help ober heer, please?

And please don't fortyget to say a prayer for alla trees anna annymuls who need dem.

Frum your friend at Our Warren,
George (who is kinda skert, too, when Maman is skert)

Posted by Our Warren at 9:27 AM EDT

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Thursday, 18 May 2006

George's Fifth Strand: Day Number 18

Time does fly, lemme tell you!

Do you know, dat whin Belinda Bunny furst typed in dis The Hay Diaries it was more den TWO YEARS ago?

Yeah!

So we bunnies hab been up and running onna WerldWideWeb for longer den MOSTEST hoomins.

Dat's rite. I know dis onna-count ob reading an article wif Maman dat sed datta "average (hoomin, mind you) blog lasts for THREE to SIX MONTHS."

So dis morning, Maman and I gotted up inna Dark and comed uppastairs heer, and began to Edit my Christmas Story. Do you bemember it? It wassa story called George's Christmas Story dat was so long dat it hadda run ober THREE WHOLE DAYS onna-count obba fakt dat it was too long to go innu ONE blog entry. Mostly, it wassa story about How Belinda Bunny Builded Da Widdle Welcome Houz Atta Rainbow Bridge Whin Me,Hunny Was Headin' Dat Way." It was meant to be reassuring, so dat hoomins won't hab to be afraid for dere bunnies when dey leeb heer forda Rainbow Bridge.

You know, a lotta hoomins are skert aboudda bunnies who leeb heer for The Rainbow Bridge. They fink dat their bunnies might not be 'llowed to go enny place nice, or dat after dey leeb heer there might be nuffin'. But dey allus remark uponna fakt dat we bunnies don't seem skert obba Black Rabbit at all.

Well, dat's because we're not.

Anna reason dat we bunnies aren't skert is onna'count obba fakt dat we see da Black Rabbit dif'fruntly den hoomins see him.

Hoomins see Da Death ob Rabbits - sumfing wike a skellyton obba rabbit dressed up inna black robe, wif bloo fire for eyes and carrying a big, sharp scythe to sever the thread dat connects da soul obba bunny frumma Land Obba Living.

Dis is onna'count obba fakt dat hoomins hab dif'frunt Lore.

Hoomins gotta Death-cuttin'-dem-off-fruma-place-dey-know in their Lore and we gotta Lore dat tells aboudda Black Rabbit who leads us from Heer to There.

Dere issa huge dif'frunce between getting "cut off" frumma only place you know and being "led". frum Heer to There, you know?

So dat's Wun Fing.

Anna'nudder Fing issat dere are a wotta hoomins who spend a wotta time typin' buks and stuff, saying "Hey wookit! Dere is nuffin' greater den US." and "Anyfing dat is not hoomin is Less."

Well, I hab sumfing to say aboud dis.

You know, Bunnies are not famous writers. Dis is not because we habbin't had ennyfing to say. Dis is because we hab not been able to write fings down for ennybun to read. In fakt, we hab bin silent not through choice, but through enforcement onna'count obba fakt dat we did not have "Posable Thumbs" and couldn't use either pencils or pens to write our thoughts down on paper!

It wasn't until da 'Puter came along, wif its keyboard, where we could use our paws to spell out werds in Inkwish and in udder languages, dat we could begin to express our thoughts and feelings. It wassa 'Puter dat set us free to communnykate wif udder species on sumfing wike an equal footing. Bifore da 'Puter, we bunnies had no voice!

And sadly, menny bunnies still hab no voice. Dees are da bunnies who are sitting in shelters, who are waiting in rescues and foster homes, who are sitting inna Deep Dark, out of sight and out of mind, living in horrible conditions because their owners hab sed, "It's just a bunny." and they no longer care. Menny bunnies are silent and suffering and they hab no Advocate. No one to speak for dem, except for us - those of us who have been rescued and hab 'puters and who hab lerned how to use them.

But ebben does bunnies, libbin inna Deep Dark and Despair, does poor bunnies still hab Hope because they know that, someday, they will meet the Black Rabbit as one meets an old friend, and that they will go with him to a Great Warren over The Rainbow Bridge, and they'll be happily s'susprised to meet Belinda Bunny and to seeda sign dat says, HAB SUM HAY onna'count obba fakt dat nobunny has ebber invited dem to hab sum hay, or boddered to share wif dem bifore.

But dey know to be patient and to allus hab Hope, no matter whut hoomins say. Bunnies hab a long history ob being silent. We hab only had 'Puters a berry short while, so we habba wotta catching-up to do inna typing depawtmint.
Da few ob us who habba voice are trying to grow 'Tellygint and gedda message out dat Bunnies Are Wunderful Companion Animals
EXCEPT:
Bunnies are NOT good pets for children
Bunnies are NOT a food-source
Bunnies are NOT a fashionable fur-source
Bunnies do NOT belong in laboratories
Bunnies ARE INDOOR only pets and should NOT live in cages!

But it is hard to tell alla dis so dat hoomins hear. When dere minds say, "Bunnies are silent creatures." they don't believe it when they read bunnies' werds.

But bunnies know. Dey unnerstand more den hoomins realise - and hoomins realise dis ebbery time dey wook innu a bunny's eyes. Dey see dat bunnies unnerstand and dey wonder, "How do bunnies know?"

Gib us time. We will tell you.

----------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 8:29 AM EDT

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Tuesday, 16 May 2006

George's Fifth Strand; Day Number 16
Now Playing: We're still finking aboud dis wun, folks...

Well, it seems dat Our Back Gardin is gonna be a-changin'. And dat's hokay wif us bunnies cos Maman sed it's gonna look preddy darned good when its all done:

Two oak trees (one ob dem wif pins)
A noo pikit fence wif gates

And afta that Maman's been wheedling Dadda aboud fixing uppa Screen Porch for us bunnies.

So yestidday, Da Dawg hadda be inside obba Houz most obba day onna'count obba fakt dat it was raining quite a lot, and he came out innu da Bun Room and sed:

"Hey George BunnyRabbit. I'm bored. Dere's nobun to play wif and it's raining. Issis your fault, too?"

And I'm, wike, "Huh? Whut'cha mean issa rain and you being bored da Bunnies' fault?"

Anna Dawg sat down and tried to kick-start his brain wif his back paw for a sekond, and den continued,

"Well, ebberyfing happins around heer a'ffeks me sumhow, and it's all cossa you bunnyrabbits. Furst, Maman takes ober dis room and makes it innu a Room for Bunnies Only, and I end up habbin' to be OnGuard alla time to Keep da Catz Outta Da Bun Room. Den Maman plants a Gardin cos ob Me, Hunny Rabbit, and den I get yelled at for digging innit. Now Dadda just told me dere are mens coming to cut down da swamp maple trees where I chase squirrels up, and dat it will take down part ob my fence where I pee to let dat Penny Dawg nextest door know dat dis is My Yard, and Maman says I'm gonna hab to be taken for walks until a Noo Fence is 'stalled around "Our Warren's Back Gardin". And now Maman's talkin' aboud 'Rennyvating' da Screen Porch where I wike to sit 'Forda Bunnies To Hab Sum Play Area' and I just know dat's gonna mean I am gonna be messed around wif or hab to gib up sumfing so she can do her 'Rennyvating' for You Bunnies! So ebberyfing dat happins around heer, seems to wind up a'ffektin' me onna'count ob you. And I wanna know how dat happins, George BunnyRabbit."

And Da Dawg gibbed me da Border Collie S-t-a-r-e.

So I shifted around on my paws a widdle and gibbed whut he sed sum thot.

Because Da Dawg was rite: ebberyfing dat happined around heer at Our Warren did manage to inklood him, not to mention Da Catz, too.

"Ebben," added Da Dawg, "Beebe-Bunny!! being sik has managed to inklood me."

And he shifted his s-t-a-r-e ober to where Clover and Beebe were sitting in dere habbytat, contemplating dere hay.

"I mean, howcome issit dat whin it is time for Beebe to hab his meddysin," axted Da Dawg. "I hab to be put outside inna Back Gardin, wheather I wanna go outside to pee or not? And ebbery time, Dadda suckers me wif dat, 'Go count your squirrels, Markie!' and don'cha know, I keep falling for it? I mean, I know how menny squirrels are out dere inna Back Gardin, and I tell him ebbery time he tells me to count'em. I bark once for each squirrel cos dat is how a Dawg counts, and dere are three squirrels so I bark three times at each maple tree, cos dat is where dey lib. I mean, whut more does Dadda want ob me? I'm out dere, doin' my Job, ebben inna Dark, inna Nite, inna Rain - or not - just onna'count obba Fakt dat Beebe is habbin' his meddysin!"

And I sed, "Well, Maman did get Dadda to put inna Noo Back Porch Light so you could see your Gardin bedder."

Da Dawg nodded, "Well, dere is dat. But da Fakt is dat I'm stillgeddin' thrown out at Nite onna'count ob Beebe's meddysin, somehow."

"And you gedda cookie when you come inside again." I sed.

"Two cookies." Da Dawg corrected me. "I ged two, and I can count. Maman tried to fool me oncst by buying bigger cookies, but I wasn't falling for dat old one. Nope. I get two cookies whin I come In Frum Outside At Nite, no madder whut size cookies dey are. I am not a Stoopit Dawg."

"None ob us is Stoopit in Our Warren." I sed. "Afta all, we is Us."

"Dat's rite." Sed Da Dawg. "So howcome I godda go Out Inna Gardin when Beebe gets his mddysin, ennyways?"

And I scritched my ear wif my paw (whut Dadda calls "George Trying To Kick-Start His Brian") and thought aboud dat and den answered,

"I fink Maman is skert dat she will fall ober you or dat Dadda will drop Beebe or sumfing. So dey puts you outside onna'count ob dem being Old."

Anna Dawg sed, "Oh." And den he axted: "So whut's up wif dem taking down my trees, relocating my squirrels and removing my fence?"

And I hadda widdle Fink aboud dis, and den replied: "Well, I fink dat Dadda is Tired Ob Raking Leebs so he wants to hab Fewer Trees, anna only way he kin hab Fewer Trees is to ged rid ob sum obb'em, but Maman don't wanna ged rid ob enny obb'em, so he needs an hextcuse. And Maman wants to habba Noo Fence onna'count obba fakt dat she finks da Old Fence is berry ugly, but she needs a hextcuse to get rid obba Old Fence to replace it wiffa Noo Fence. So I heered Dadda talking to Maman abouddit, and she wikes alla trees, but Dadda don't. So Dadda pointed out to Maman datta way datta trees growed messed uppa Old Fence and didn't Maman wanna habba preddy Noo Fence? So dat was his hextcuse so dat he don't hab to rake alla leebs alla time, and it was also Maman's hextcuse for replacing da Old Fence wiffa Noo Fence. I don't fink bunnies, dawgs or kitties ebben ennered innu dere heds."

Anna Dawg sed, "You fink?"

And I sed, "Yeah." Cos I could bemember Maman and Dadda habbin wunna dere long, hoomin Talks aboudda Trees Inna Yard and how dey wanted to habba nice Pikit Fence inna "British Style" dat went Alla Way Around da "Property" and had Gates atta Frunt Walk, and atta DribeWay and alla dat stuff. But Maman sed it wuld be "Too Hextpensive" and Dadda sed "Well, da old fence hasta go ennyways." And Maman agreed, and sumhow, dey ended up figgerin' out dey had no udder choice den to get out da maple trees, take down da Old Fence and gedda Noo Pikit Fence dat dey wanted inna Furst Place."

"So why didn't dey just ged it cos dey wanted it?" Axted Da Dawg.

And I 'spected my toes and sed I didn't know. "Who kin figger out hoomins?"

"So whut aboudda Screen Porch?" Axted Da Dawg. "Whut's up wif dat?"

And I bemembered dat Maman was talking about "Anner-Ron-DakChairs" anna "Noo Rug" and about geddin' "X-Pens" and "Baby-Gates" so dat alla bunnies could be out onna Screen Porch togedder wifout Da Dage or Da Catz.

So I sed toda Dawg, "Well, dat's Maman again. She finks we bunnies are too Fluffy and need Hexstersize."

And dere wassa *Fump* assa Dawg pulled in his paws and collapsed innu a heap onna floor. And he wooked up at me wif his bloo eyes and sed,

"It's allus cossa DEM issn't it? Maman and Dadda. Dey come up wiffa Bright Ideas for Alla Us Togedder and sumhow or anudder, ebberyfing dey fink ob ends up screwing up fings up for Alla Us Togedder!"

"Yeah." I sed. "But you gotta admit dat dere heart is inna rite place: dey is allways finking whut wuld be best for us. Cos dey lub us."

"Yeah." Sed Da Dawg.

"And whin dey get it all done, we'll lub whut they've done." Sed me.

"Atta End Obba Day." Added Da Dawg.

And he and I sat dere, blinking at each udder, sort ob pondering onna Rellytib Stoopid-ness Ob Hoomins, in general, anna Rellytib Stoopid-ness Ob Our Hoomins, in particular.

Anna Dawg sed, "Well, it's good to hab bunnyrabbits around. I still ged two cookies whin I come Inside At Nite and I'm gonna habba Noo Pikit Fence to pee on. Dat's gonna be a Big Job, marking a whole Noo Pikit Fence. And it will be nice, sitting atta Baby Gate, catching da Breezes frumma Screen Proch while you BunnyRabbits are out dere running off your Fluffiness wiffout Da Catz boddering you. A Noo Rug and Noo Chairs will be nice, when Maman and Dadda manage to get it all done. But it will be a Right Mess while dey are werkin' onnit. As usual."

"Dey hab no Cloo." I sed, as I hadda quick wook at my udder foots. "Alla da fuss and bodder dat dey cause us onna'count obba fakt dat dey lubs us so much."

"None." Sedda Dawg. "As usual, no Cloo at all."

---------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 10:40 AM EDT

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Thursday, 11 May 2006

George's Fifth Strand: Day Number 11
Now Playing: Don't Come Around Here No More - Tom Petty

Well, you know, for a number ob nights now, I bin hearing fings outside ob our houz, inna Our Warren Back Gardin.

Yes, I hab.

And because I amma Alarm Bunny in Our Warren, it is my job to sleep wif Wun Ear Opin at nite, and T*H*U*M*P RILLY LOUD if I hear ennyfing dat mite be Threatening Our Warren during da nite-time when we are all sleeping.

Dis is part ob being Top Bun in Our Warren.

Yeah. Me,Hunny, who usta be Top Bun obba Our Warren told me alla'bout dis before he went toda Rainbow Bridge, and I do my best to live up to whut he told me onna'count obba fakt dat he wassa berry wise and 'Tellygint Elder Ob His People, wike Dadda's friend, Kutee, said. Hunny was Thirteen Anna Half Years Old when he left forda Rainbow Bridge. I am Two Years Old - I hab a long way to go before I will ebber be as 'Tellygint as Hunny, lemme tell you!

But I do the bestest that I can.

So there I was, sleeping wif Wun Ear Opin, and I heared sumfing outside inna Back Gardin.

Well, dere is not s'sposed to be ennybunny out dere inna nite-time, when it looks like Dark and ebberybunny in Our Warren is inside forda Nite.

So I did like I was s'sposed to do, and I T*H*U*M*P*E*D.

Anna Dawg came ambling outta Maman's and Dadda's bedroom, paddled downna Hallway, fru da Dining Room anna Kitchin and innu Da Bun Room and axted me:

"Whuttsamatta, George BunnyRabbit?"

And I sed, "I herd sumfing outside, inna Gardin."

So Da Dawg hadda listen atta Back Door fora minit, and he sniffed alla'long da edge obba door and he sed,

"You're right, Bunnyrabbit. Dere is sumfing out dere, but I dunno whut. Lemme go ged Dadda. Dat's my job."

So he wint outta da Bun Room, and preddy soon, here comes Dadda in bare feets.

Anna Dawg stops inna Kitchen doorway, and says, rilly plainly, in Dawg,

"Lookit, I don't wanna go Outside. Dis issn't wike da last time whin MouseBunny peed on me! I'm just telling you dere is sumfing OUT DERE, and not dat I wanna go OUT DERE and habba wook at it, hokay?"

And Da Dawg stared rilly hard atta door, just so Dadda would get da message.

Well, Da Dawg has bright, pale Bloo eyes AND he issa Border Collie, so whin he stares, well, he rilly, rilly s-t-a-r-e-s. Like a pin fixing a bug to a corkboard, dat's how he stares, lemme tell you.

So ennyways, Dadda gets da message dat Da Dawg does not, unner enny circumstances, wanna go Outside.

And I T*H*U*M*P again, just to sort ob make sure dat Dadda doesn't get enny Wrong Ideas started up.

And Dadda says, "Whut's out dere, George?"

And I'm, like, "Howdaheck do I know? I'm da wun stuck in my habbytat, and you're da wun walking around nextest toda door. Turn onna light switch and wook outta window if you wanna know whut's out dere."

And Dadda says, "You know I rilly gotta bemember to change dat Outdoor Light Fixture so I can see whut's going on inna Back Garden."

And he turns around and says, "Good job, George. 'Nite, Bunnies!"

And dat, was dat.

So preddy much da same fing happened da Nextest Nite anna Nite Afta Dat.

And DEN, afta I had herd dis same "fing", whutebber it was, outside inna Back Garden a few nites inna row, and sent Da Dawg in to get Dadda outta bed, AND afta a couple ob nites ob Dadda coming out innu da Bun Room and saying how he hadda bemember to put inna Noo Light Fixture and alla dat, well...

Yestidday morning, Dadda goes Out, Inna da Back Garden and he calls Maman.

"Wook at dis." He says, pointing.

And Maman says, "Whut's dat doing out inna middle obba Gardin?"

And Dadda sed, "Sumfing taked dat empty milk jug outta da Recycle Bin and left it inna middle obba Gardin."

And Maman shouts, "WHUT?"

Which preddy much sounded like Belinda Bunny whin she was getting ready to go Beside Herself, only a lot louder.

And den Dadda sed, "And lookit your Herb Gardin."

And Maman leans outta da Back Door and hassa wook, and she wooks back at Dadda and snaps,

"Iffa Dawg's been digging anudder hole..."

Anna Dawg shouts frum out inna middle obba Back Gardin, wif his Ball in his mouf,

"HEY! IT WASSN' M'BE DIS TIME!"

And he couldn't ebben shout right onna'count obba fakt dat he hadda ball in his mouf because he's allus hoping dat Dadda or Maman is gonna stop whutebber dey're doing and play Toss Da Toy wif him. Ebben whin he's in Trubble, he still finks sumbun is gonna play wif him. Once he's got dat ball in his mouf, he's not letting go obbit until sumbun agrees dey are gonna play wif him. I told you, he's a Border Collie. I didn't say he was Dat Bright.

So Maman goes out innu da Gardin and Dadda brings her da milk jug dat has been taken frumma recycling bin, and dey mention dat it has TEEF HOLES where sumfing has been chewing onnit! And den dey walk downna Garden to where the Fence Stops, and dere issa HOLE INNA FENCE!

Yeah! Da Fence has been bent so dat sumfing can come innu Our Warren's Back Gardin!

And I, George ob Our Warren, had heard it inna nite-time!

Well!

Lemme tell you, Maman was preddy Upset.

She called ober da Man Who Lives Nextest Door. His name is Don and he issa Ribberman. Dere is nuffin aboudda Dellyware Ribber in dis area dat he don't know. He knows where alla fish are, and whin dey leeb dis area for anudder area, and he knows alla da annymuls and where dey libs and how dey libs. He sits in his liddle boat and watches and watches, and dere is nuffin he doesn't know aboudda Natchur in dis area.

So Maman and Dadda showed him da empty milk jug, anna hole inna Herb Gardin, anna place where da Fence Was Bent Up To Let Sumfing Innu Our Back Gardin.

And Don da Ribberman wooked at ebberyfing and sed:

"Raccoon. You prob'ly gotta Raccoon."

Well, Maman hadda gennywine fit.

Raccoons gots fleas.
Raccoons gots ticks.
Raccoons gots diseases.
Raccoons fight anna poor, old, clueless Dawg issa Poor, Old Clueless dawg, and he wouldn't habba chance if he cornered a fierce Raccoon wif claws and sharp teefs, and whut if he gets hurt, Poor, Old, Clueless Dawg...

Anna Dawg comes innu da houz, bringing his ball, and he's wike,

"Whut? Whodaheck is she talkin' about, ennyways?"

And I'm wike, "Whuttaheck issa rack-coon?"

And den Da Fat-Cat suddinly shambles in and sits down inna middle obba Bun Room. And he wooks around wif his big round, yellow eyes, and axts,

"So whut's alla da screeming goin' on in heer?"

Anna Dawg drops his ball, he's dat sus'sprised and he axts Cokie, "How did you get out ob your apawtmint?"

And Cokie says, "Dunno. Da door was opin, so I came out. Dere was nobun onna stairs, so I comed down. Den dere was nobun inna Libbin' Room, so I kept on coming and Arribed heer. So tell me why I bothered."

Anna Dawg says, "Dere has bin a Raccoon inna Back Gardin." Den he stops and gibs da Cat a s-t-a-r-e, and growls, "An INTRUDER!"

And Cokie meets Da Collie Stare wiffa Cat-Stare, den shrugs his big shoulders and says,

"And dis effects me, how? 'Cept forda fakt dat George BunnyRabbit heer keeps wakin' me and Beep-da-Udder-Cat up inna middle obba nite. I mean, we're in heer, BunnyRabbit, and whutebber It is, It's out dere so obviously, It doesn't madder. So why can't we all just hab peace and quiet to stay asleep?"

And I say, "Cos whutebber dis Raccoon fing is, it is an Indtruder wike Da Dawg says."

And Cokie fixes me wif his Cat-s-t-a-r-e and says, "So?"

And I say, "Wookit, Cat, we bunnies are Prey Annymuls. Our success assa species depends on staying 'Lert for Preddytors."

"And I," says Da Dawg. "Amma Guard Annymul. My success assa species depends on guarding whutebber Maman and Dadda fink is impawtant, which would be da BunnyRabbits."

And Cokie shakes his hed. "Wookit," he says. "I amma Preddytor, and NoBun T*H*U*M*P*S and wakes da whole houz when I'm walking around."

"Onna'count obba fakt dat we know you." I say.

But Da Dawg isn't known for being tactful, so whut he says to Cokie-da-Fat-Cat is:

"Lookit, Cat, da Rool says "No Catz Inna Bun Room" BUT I saw Belinda Bunny hed-butt you allaway across da Libbin' Room cawpet oncst, and I know you aren't stoopit enough to chance getting your butt whopped twice by anudder bunnyrabbit. So dat's why I let you innu dis Bun Room."

And Cokie sighed.

And den he sed, "I fink a raccoon issa type ob feral cat, only it's not feral onna'count obbit being wild. And since dere is berry widdle wild left for raccoons to lib in, dey sort ob try to lib inna same place as hoomins and dat causes Trubble, just wike it allus does whin Hoomins and Wild Fings hab to share da same space onna planet. Hoomins just don't share good."

And I sed to Cokie, "Well, Maman shares wif us preddy good. We get food, and hay and treats."

And Cokie sed to me, "But wild annymuls don't hab Our Maman. And dey wuld be skert oudda dere minds if dey did find out dey had her. Dey just wanna go on libbin' inna Wild, Just As They Allus Hab Done - only hoomins put in Gardins, and dey put out stuff inna rubbish dat smells wike food. And den da Hoomins complain whinna Wild Fings come and bodder wif dere stuff. You know, oncst, wong, wong ago, we was Wild Fings, too. And den we realised it was Better for us to Lib Inside wif da Hoomins. But dees Wild Fings still wanna be Wild, IF da hoomins will let dem."

So I hadda Fink about dis.

And I began to wonda if mebbe dis Raccoon, or whutebberdaheck it is dat is coming innu Our Warren's Back Gardin at nite, is rilly an INTRUDER at all, or is it rilly just sumbun trying to ged along inna werld fulla hoomins.

I dunno. I still don't like Noises Inna Nite. I can't help it. I'm the Alarm Bunny in Our Warren and Me, Hunny taught me dat I hab to allus sleep wif One Ear Opin and stay onna 'Lert for da Good Obba Warren.

Anna Dawg can't help being whut he is, and waking up Dadda inna middle obba nite if he feels its impawtant, either, you know.

Just like the Raccoon can't help being a Wild Fing outside, digging through the nice, soft soil dat Maman has turned up in order to plant her Herb Gardin, taking da easy way out, wooking for worms and grubs...

---------------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:47 PM EDT

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Wednesday, 10 May 2006

George's Fifth Strand; Day Number 10
Now Playing: There Ain't No Song To 'Spress How I Feel!

I hadda whole entry typed for tiday.

It was rilly, rilly good, too.

Den da "lektrick company" screwed up. They had whut Maman called a "blip" anna whole screen I was typing on went dark.

When it got light again, MY BLOG WAS MISSING!

T*H*U*M*P!

I am beyond angry. I am beyond PO'ed. I am beyond cheesed off. And I am way beyond 'nnoyed.

I am MAD!

Yeah!

I am whole-heartedly, full-bore, Inkwish-Spot-type-ebben-if-I'm-not-one, rip-snorting MAD.

Yeah!

T H U M P!

THUMP!

Thump -- Thump -- Thump -- T*H*U*M*P!

And now, if nobun minds, I am gonna go, obber heer innu DIS corner, and occupy da High Ground, which happins to be MY pootie-box, and habba MAJOR SULK....

And den I'm gonna follow Hunny's advice - I'm gonna "Hab sum hay, and habba nap" and den I'm gonna see iffa whole, darned, screwed-up, stoopit werld don't wook a whole lot bedder afta I do.

-------------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:02 AM EDT

Updated: Wednesday, 10 May 2006 11:03 AM EDT

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Thursday, 4 May 2006

George's fifth Strand; Day Number 4
Now Playing: Here Comes The Sun

Here comes da sun!

Yeah!

Woke up dis morning, had sum hay, hadda look around and then Missy woke up.

And she nipped me inna butt again and we hadda widdle chase around the habbytat.

This is getting beyond a joke, lemme tell you.

I mean, whut's going on here?

I am notta kinda bunny-rabbit that makes much obba fuss, you know? I'm preddy reg'lar in my habits - I ged up, sing a widdle song, hab sum hay, wander around, habba look inna wadder crock, sing anudder widdle song -

In other werds, I don't do much, but MissyBun seems to FINK I'm doing all kinds of stuff dat I usually can't ebben imagine myself doing.

It's wike I'm not unnerstanding my place inna unnyverse or sumfing.

Or else Missy's unnyverse hassa noo job for me innit and I habbin't reported for dooty yet.

I mean, all I hab been doing is growing more 'Tellygint, which is whut rabbits do. I don't fink I'm s'sposed to gedda nip-inna-butt because ob dat (at least, if I am, Hunny nebber sed ennyfing aboud it).

Now I am still a good groomer. This is onna'count obba fakt dat I lub MissyBun, so I groom her alla time - and she issa Beautiful Bunnygurl ob Gen'rus P'porshuns, so dere issa lot ob Missy for me to groom. I mean, she is notta "once or twice arounna ears, and we're all done sweetie". Oh no. MissyBun issa "you bedder leeb chalk-marks so you know where you left off, buster" kinda rabbit what needs meticulous grooming.

And I do that.

But just let me stick my hed unnerneaf ob her to get my ears done and you'd fink it wassa End Obba Werld sumtimes. I get suchha nip!

And it's not wike dis is consistent, eidder. It's like "whin she feels wike it". Like there are times whin I get my ears groomed and udder times whin I get my butt nipped. It's just that I can't tell which one its gonna be until too late-to-do-ennyfing-abouddit.

So while Maman was doing da Laundry (dat is, washing clothes) she and I hadda "Fink" aboudd it.

And Maman sed, "Well, George, da fakt is dat you are notta Youngbun ennymore. You were Babby George whin you arrived here and now you are Grown-up George, and Missy is reacting to you like you're an Adult Bunny instead of a baby bunny."

"You mean she wiked me bedder whin I was noo?"

And Maman sort of thought dis ober fora minit (she was folding towels, and puttin' them onna top ob my habbytat) and she sed,

"Well, noo seems to kinda wear off afta awhile, and geds replaced by "used to" as in "comfortable". Like where your pellet bowl is now is comfortable, but if I moved it, you wouldn't be "used to" where it was for awhile."

And I settled down wif my paws unner me, because Maman can't ebben gedda hang ob approaching a subjek unless it's by the long 'way 'round.

"You gotta keep an eye onna fings dat is "noo" in case dey do sumfing strange." Maman went on. "It's hard werk. Wif fings you are "used to" you don't gotta watch dem alla time cos dey aren't gonna change alla dat much, and you are free to concentrate onna udder stuff dat needs your 'tenshun. And if dat "udder stuff" manages to 'nnoy you, den you're gonna be 'nnoyed wiffa stuff you are "used to" as well assa stuff dat is 'nnoying you."

"So," I offered helpfully, "whut you're saying issa da stuff you're "used to" you don't see, whereas da stuff dat is "noo" you do. So Missy doesn't see me ennymores?"

And Maman shaked her hed and grabbed anudder towel.

"No, Missy sees you fine." She sed. "And she wuld miss you something chronic if you weren't there. She wouldn't be at all "used to" you not being there, if you know whut I mean. She depends on you being there and being part ob her werld. It's just that she doesn't hab to devote a whole, huge part ob her brain to watching you like she once did and the extry parts ob her brain she's not using to watch you, she's using to watch udder fings. And whin those udder fings make her 'nnoyed, den she geds 'nnoyed wif you, too."

"So Missy doesn't habba big brain?"

Maman dropped the towel she was folding and slammed her hand ober my mouf.

"Shaddupshaddupshaddup, George!" she whispered. "Whut are you, stoopit?"

She let go ob my mouf and we wooked at each udder for a sekond.

And I'm wike, "Oops, fortygotted myself dere fora sekond." So I sed, kinda loudly, "Missy's gotta berry powerful brain. Wike a 'puter, rilly, it just ticks right along and nebber misses a beat."

And since I didn't hear enny feets pounding towards me at high speeds ob retribution, I figgered eidder Missy hadn't herd me or else she figgered it wassn't worf da bodder.

And den Maman continued: "It's not wike dat, George. It's more wike dat Missy is comfortable wif you as you are, but atta same time, she's not realising dat you aren't a babby bunny who hasta be told whut to do. You know, Belinda was right about you."

"Belinda was allus rite about ebberyfing." I sed, cos ebben though Belinda Bunny has crossed da Rainbow Bridge, you nebber know; English Spots probably can still hear ebberyfing. "She was possytib ob dat."

"Well, she was rite dat you are growing into Our Warren's Top Bun. I think Missy didn't quite expect you to have as strong a personality as you're developing. I think maybe she thought she could go on devoting less of her brain to being "used to" you, when maybe you'd like her to go back to devoting a little bit more of it to noticing you like she used to."

And I thought abouddat fora minit, cos sumtimes you hab to unravel Maman's thoughts for her, like balls ob lint, until you seperate out alla strands and find whut's rilly inside ob it.

"Missy issa berry busy bunny." Maman added. "Gotta wot to do, and she would rather not be doing three-quarters obbit, which puts her inna bad mood to begin wif."

She began folding anudder towel. "And you are da kind ob bunny who just natchurally finks ebberyfing is gonna be a team-effort. In udder werds," Maman putta folded towel on my habbytat.

"I don't know how usta you pokin' your nose innu ebberyfing Missy rilly is, onna'count obba fakt dat usually whin bunnies poke dere noses in, it means dey is gonna just be more trubble, whereas you are just cheerfully helping Missy to see dat dere are more den two sides to enny isshoo. More or less."

So I tried to follow dat throught through the Spaghetti Junction of Maman's brain, and got lost.

"So issat bad?" I axted finally.

And Maman shaked her hed. "It's not bad, it's just that you and Missy are missing each udder's train of thought. You gotta try to bemember dat you are not allus da Furst Fing on her brain, and she hasta bemember dat you are not just Anudder Idiot."

"I am George." I said. "Growing 'Tellygint."

"Dat's rite." Said Maman. "And while you're attit, try to bemember not to keep looming up on Missy's event-horizon like sum kinda cheerful balloon. Der are certain dangers in being the one who starts singing Here Comes the Sun to sumbun who is determined to go sit in their own personal thunderstorm."

Good, old Maman! She sorts through the Tumble Dryer of her mind and sumhow, when she's managed to fold alla udder thoughts neatly away she allus manages to find an Idea. So dis, at last, was her point!

"So dat's whut's going on heer?" I axted. "I'm just too cheerful?"

"I think," said Maman, loading uppa Bloo Baskit wif towels to take toda linen closet. "you habba realise dat you can't fix ebberyfing for ebberybun alla time, onna'count obba fakt dat you are not Maman, and you are, in fakt, George."

And she leaned ober and kissed my nose.

------------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 8:25 AM EDT

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Saturday, 29 April 2006

George's 4th Strand; Day Number 29
Now Playing: Bim's Spring Song

Yup. We're gonna sing it tiday, so it's Official!

SRING HAS ARRIVED!

And because Spring is heer, Alla Us Togedder at Our Warren are gonna get togedder inna group and sing Bim's Spring Song.

And you can sing along wif us!

Now, just in case you don't know, I will tell you Da Lore dat is alla'bout Bim's Spring Song. Den nextest year, whin Winter is finally ober and you see dat Spring has arrived again, you, too, can welcome it wiffa Bim's Spring Song just like we do!

Hokay, now dis issa Lore:

Dis issa Lore of Our Warren told to me, George by me, Hunny who was Top Bun of Our Warren for Thirteen Yeears.

When Hunny had been Top Bun of Our Warren for a little over two-three years, there was living inna Warren:
Maman, and Phil-the-Lad, hoomins, and
me,Hunny and Maggie, and Heatherington, rabbits, and
Tristan, the Ancient Dog who wassa dawg.

It had been a berry long and sad Winter. In fact, da only Bright Spot had been whin Maman had rescued Maggie frumma Stoopit Drunk Peoples and brought her home to Hunny where dey found Troo Love and bonded instantly. But Maman had werked berry hard for berry widdle munny, and dere wassn't much to eat, and Phil-the-Lad had been sik, and dere had ebben bin times whin the Great Dragon Furnace in the basement had been starved for fuel, so it had bin berry cold in dat houz.

Now Maman's Fadda (you hab to get this rite) was a berry nice man who wassa Perfesser, which means dat he teached youngbun-hoomins, but that's whut he usta do. He was whut hoomins called "retired", meaning he didn't do dat enny more, but got munny for not doing it onna'count obba fakt dat he was old.

And Maman's Fadda's name was Bill but whin Phil-the-Lad wassa kit, he couldn't say that rite, and he couldn't say "Granddaddy" (which was whut he was s'sposed to call Maman's Fadda) so he copied whut his Sista called Maman's Fadda, and called him, "Bim", which was enuf like "Bill" dat ebberybunny knew who dey were talkin' aboud. And more den dat, Bim liked being called "Bim" onna'count obba fakt dat it made him dif'frunt frum ebbery udder "Granddaddy" or "Bill" inna Whole Wide Werld, and Bim liked being 'peshul.

Because, onna whole, he knew dat he wassa berry peshul, dif'frunt kinda personal hoomin. Which is TROO. He was.

He usta come ober to Maman's house ebbery day and hab coffee (dat he was not s'sposed to hab) and smoke ciggyrets (which he was not 'lowed to smoke) and talk (which he got told he did too much) and "waste time" (which he wasn't s'sposed to be doing, eidder).

And whin he could manage it, he usta gib Maman munny to help her buy stuff she needed, because he could see dat she needed help, but was not 'lowed to hab enny. Of course, he wasn't 'lowed to hab munny eidder, onna'count obba fakt dat "all he wuld ebber do is waste it".

As he and Maman usta observe, dat kinda fing is allus said by hoomins who don't aktchually habba go to werk to earn enny munny, but who wanta hang on to alla it.

Most ob all, he was Cheerful, because Cheerful, wike ebberyfing else, was in berry short supply around dat houz. But Cheerfulness is not s'pensive, and it is berry valuable when it is in short supply.

Bim beeleved in allus Looking Forwards. So whin it was Winter, he was Looking for Spring, and whin fings was Down, he was Looking Up.

Dat habit of mind made sum udder hoomins accuse him ob being trivial, but axtually, it made him berry 'Tellygint onna'count obba fakt dat he knew fings mite not be going great just at dat momint but he had great faith dat dey wuld Turn Around Soonest.

So whin it was cold and it was Winter, and fings were hard, Bim came ebbery week to visit at Our Warren and talk about how fings would get bedder sumhow. If dey could all werk togedder to solve whutebber was wrong in dat sekond and just manage to survive for one more day, yes, well, Spring would have to arrive.

"Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Bim usta say dis.

And Maman would nod and say, "We'll get through it."

And Bim would say, "You allus got me, kid." And he would wook around at Alla Us Togedder and nod.

And we knew dat was TROO, too.

To a point. Because nobun libs forebber.

But one day, just whin you could lift your nose and smell dat alla frosts were gone frumma air, anna breeze tasted softer, Bim crashed through the frunt door wiffout ringing da bell (as usushual) and hollered out innu da Kitchen where Maman was,

"Hey, is dere enny chance fora cuppa coffee in dis place?"

And Maman sed dat dere was.

And Bim stopped in frunt obba Living Room mirror, turned to his reflection and suddinly, threw out his arms inna "theatrical gesture", and began to sing...

Now I gotta stop here and whisper you sumfing berry fast: Maman usta be a perfessional musik person bifore da Bad Times, and Bim did ammychur actin' and singin' stuff. And dey werked togedder a lot, which helped to make Bim berry, berry good. He hadda wunnerful singin' voice and Maman helped him wif stuff dat nobun ebber knowed.

But bunnies see ebberyfing. As Belinda usta say, we are only one fut offa ground and hoomins don't wook down. But we look up.

So Bim stopped in frunt obba Living Room mirror, opened up his mouf on dat soft, early morning and he singed:

Spring is Sprung!
Da Grass is riz!
I wonder where
The Birdies is?

And that issa Spring Song and it was furst sung by Bim in frunt obba Living Room mirror for Our Warren, to cellybrate the Arrival ob Spring.

And this is how it happined at Our Warren, which is now part obba Lore as I, George, Top Bun obba Warren hab told it to you as it was told to me by me, Hunny, who was dere.

And now me, Hunny and Maggie, Heatherington, and Tristan, the Ancient Dog, and even Bim have all left Our Warren for the Rainbow Bridge. And We Who Stay Behind bemember and miss them 'most ebbery day onna'count obba fakt dat dere is still preddy much all kinds ob sufficent evil still happining ebbery day -

BUT...

We hab faith.

Bim teached us that Spring will allus follow Winter. Ebbery day can be bedder den da day bifore. So we need to cellybrate the Now and look forward to Tomorrow, and then we hafta be reddy to cellybrate Tomorrow whin it comes.

And, so, ebbery Spring, Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren gather togedder at the first sign of Spring, just whin the last frost has gone and the air turns soft, and we sing:

Spring is Sprung!
The Grass is riz!
I wonder where
The Birdies is?

And we bemember Our Bim.

---------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 8:42 AM EDT

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