The Hay Diaries
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30 Jul, 07 > 5 Aug, 07
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9 Jul, 07 > 15 Jul, 07
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11 Jun, 07 > 17 Jun, 07
4 Jun, 07 > 10 Jun, 07
28 May, 07 > 3 Jun, 07
21 May, 07 > 27 May, 07
14 May, 07 > 20 May, 07
7 May, 07 > 13 May, 07
30 Apr, 07 > 6 May, 07
23 Apr, 07 > 29 Apr, 07
16 Apr, 07 > 22 Apr, 07
2 Apr, 07 > 8 Apr, 07
26 Mar, 07 > 1 Apr, 07
19 Mar, 07 > 25 Mar, 07
12 Mar, 07 > 18 Mar, 07
5 Mar, 07 > 11 Mar, 07
26 Feb, 07 > 4 Mar, 07
19 Feb, 07 > 25 Feb, 07
12 Feb, 07 > 18 Feb, 07
15 Jan, 07 > 21 Jan, 07
1 Jan, 07 > 7 Jan, 07
25 Dec, 06 > 31 Dec, 06
18 Dec, 06 > 24 Dec, 06
11 Dec, 06 > 17 Dec, 06
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28 Aug, 06 > 3 Sep, 06
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26 Jun, 06 > 2 Jul, 06
19 Jun, 06 > 25 Jun, 06
12 Jun, 06 > 18 Jun, 06
5 Jun, 06 > 11 Jun, 06
29 May, 06 > 4 Jun, 06
22 May, 06 > 28 May, 06
15 May, 06 > 21 May, 06
8 May, 06 > 14 May, 06
1 May, 06 > 7 May, 06
24 Apr, 06 > 30 Apr, 06
17 Apr, 06 > 23 Apr, 06
10 Apr, 06 > 16 Apr, 06
6 Mar, 06 > 12 Mar, 06
27 Feb, 06 > 5 Mar, 06
13 Feb, 06 > 19 Feb, 06
6 Feb, 06 > 12 Feb, 06
23 Jan, 06 > 29 Jan, 06
9 Jan, 06 > 15 Jan, 06
2 Jan, 06 > 8 Jan, 06
12 Dec, 05 > 18 Dec, 05
5 Dec, 05 > 11 Dec, 05
28 Nov, 05 > 4 Dec, 05
21 Nov, 05 > 27 Nov, 05
7 Nov, 05 > 13 Nov, 05
31 Oct, 05 > 6 Nov, 05
24 Oct, 05 > 30 Oct, 05
17 Oct, 05 > 23 Oct, 05
10 Oct, 05 > 16 Oct, 05
3 Oct, 05 > 9 Oct, 05
27 Jun, 05 > 3 Jul, 05
20 Jun, 05 > 26 Jun, 05
13 Jun, 05 > 19 Jun, 05
6 Jun, 05 > 12 Jun, 05
23 May, 05 > 29 May, 05
16 May, 05 > 22 May, 05
11 Apr, 05 > 17 Apr, 05
4 Apr, 05 > 10 Apr, 05
28 Mar, 05 > 3 Apr, 05
21 Mar, 05 > 27 Mar, 05
14 Mar, 05 > 20 Mar, 05
21 Feb, 05 > 27 Feb, 05
7 Feb, 05 > 13 Feb, 05
31 Jan, 05 > 6 Feb, 05
24 Jan, 05 > 30 Jan, 05
17 Jan, 05 > 23 Jan, 05
10 Jan, 05 > 16 Jan, 05
6 Dec, 04 > 12 Dec, 04
29 Nov, 04 > 5 Dec, 04
22 Nov, 04 > 28 Nov, 04
15 Nov, 04 > 21 Nov, 04
11 Oct, 04 > 17 Oct, 04
27 Sep, 04 > 3 Oct, 04
20 Sep, 04 > 26 Sep, 04
13 Sep, 04 > 19 Sep, 04
30 Aug, 04 > 5 Sep, 04
23 Aug, 04 > 29 Aug, 04
16 Aug, 04 > 22 Aug, 04
9 Aug, 04 > 15 Aug, 04
2 Aug, 04 > 8 Aug, 04
26 Jul, 04 > 1 Aug, 04
19 Jul, 04 > 25 Jul, 04
5 Jul, 04 > 11 Jul, 04
28 Jun, 04 > 4 Jul, 04
21 Jun, 04 > 27 Jun, 04
14 Jun, 04 > 20 Jun, 04
7 Jun, 04 > 13 Jun, 04
31 May, 04 > 6 Jun, 04
24 May, 04 > 30 May, 04
17 May, 04 > 23 May, 04
10 May, 04 > 16 May, 04
26 Apr, 04 > 2 May, 04
19 Apr, 04 > 25 Apr, 04
12 Apr, 04 > 18 Apr, 04
29 Mar, 04 > 4 Apr, 04
22 Mar, 04 > 28 Mar, 04
15 Mar, 04 > 21 Mar, 04
8 Mar, 04 > 14 Mar, 04
1 Mar, 04 > 7 Mar, 04
23 Feb, 04 > 29 Feb, 04
16 Feb, 04 > 22 Feb, 04
9 Feb, 04 > 15 Feb, 04
2 Feb, 04 > 8 Feb, 04
26 Jan, 04 > 1 Feb, 04
19 Jan, 04 > 25 Jan, 04
12 Jan, 04 > 18 Jan, 04
5 Jan, 04 > 11 Jan, 04
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Friday, 21 April 2006
George's 4th Strand; Day Number 21 - "Law & Order"
Now Playing: "Law & Order" Theme by Mike Post

7:57 AM
ADA Mr. Mouse's Deposition:

You must understand that, until my arrival at Our Warren I was living first as a single rabbit, then in the company of Ms LuckieBun under the ownership of a gentleman from the nation of Liberia. I knew him as "Dad" and for the purposes of this deposition will refer to him as "Dad From Liberia."

With Dad From Liberia, I shared an apartment in which I was given my own space with all the proper food and sleeping arrangements anybun would require. There were regular treats and pets. Dad went out every morning to work and I spent the majority of my day napping until he returned. Upon his return, he would speak to me in a friendly manner and make food for himself, after which, he would open my enclosure, and he and I would sit together on the sofa. He would give me a bowl of small cereal squares and he would eat the food he had prepared for himself.

While we ate, he would push a button on a box across from the sofa and a group of other hoomins who appeared behind the words: Law & Order would enter our room.

These Law & Order visitors were all hoomins. None of them were rabbits. All of them appeared to be "detectives" and "ADA's" and they arrived every evening at the same time, and departed when it was time for me to return to my enclosure. They did not leave their Law & Order box, but they talked to us and to each other.

Over time, I came to regard these "detectives" and "ADA's" as friends who came to visit with us when Dad From Liberia returned from work. I noticed that there was special "music" that played when they were about to arrive, and special pluck-pluck music between their conversations with each other. There was the same music at the end of their time with us as there was at the beginning, so that the time they shared with us was bracketed (you could say) by a musical "theme".

These "visits" from the hoomins of Law & Order continued every evening for five years.

During the time of these visits, I noticed that the visitor named "Jack McCoy" seemed to be especially interesting. I began to watch him carefully, noting that he appeared to be important to the other Law & Order hoomins because he did a majority of the talking while the others listened. He also dressed well, which is something that I, as a fairly meticulous rabbit, value.

He had, I believe, only one true failing and that was an apparent fondness for wearing silly-looking hats. I have no idea why hoomins feel the need to pose in headgear that makes them look as if they have been deprived of their original fur. Why replace what looks so normal and natural with alien zig-zag patterns? Why wear hanging strings, ear-flaps or hide their eyes beneath floppy brims? It makes no sense, but as soon as the weather in the Law & Order box seems to include cold and snow, Jack turns up wearing a stoopit-looking hat.

As I said, the visits from Law & Order continued. At some point, (I don't recall exactly when) Dad From Liberia brought home LuckieBun to share the apartment with me, so that I would not become lonely while he was away at work.

LuckieBun was an intact, mild-natured, mainly white, female miniLop bunny. She also enjoyed visits with the Law & Order box, but not so much as I, as she tended to be more concerned with food. I understand that miniLops often are rather fixated on where their next meal might be hiding out while they're not actively consuming it.

Shortly after LuckieBun arrived to live with us, disaster struck in the form of an intact, female hoomin who came to live with Dad From Liberia. She did not like bunnies in the house and ordered Dad From Liberia to (and I quote) "GET RID OF THOSE RABBITS!"

Unwilling to abandon us, and fearful of selling us, Dad From Liberia cuddled us close and held out as long as he could against this unaltered female who shared his living-space. Eventually, she prevailed and he took us to a V-E-T's. There was water coming out of his eyes as I had observed happening to various visitors during especially stressful times inside the Law & Order box.

Then, inexplicably, Dad From Liberia took us from the office of the V-E-T and brought us here to Our Warren. I am not sure how this happened, or why, but suddenly LuckieBun and I were accepted and adopted into Our Warren by the critically ill, de-facto Top Bun, Belinda Bunny (originator of the Hay Diaries), and an ancient miniLop Senior Top Bun named me, Hunny. (George Bunny, who took over typing the Hay Diaries when Belinda Bunny passed to the Rainbow Bridge in July of 2004, and who is now Top Bun, was a very youngbun at the time of our arrival here.)

LuckieBun passed to the Rainbow Bridge shortly after we arrived at Our Warren, just before Belinda Bunny. I miss both of these unique and special bun-gurls very much.

In the Winter of 2005, Maman and Dadda moved Alla Us Togedder from the Old House to this New House. Our Warren was given a Noo Bun Room that put us on the same general territory as some place called the Sitting Room.

You can well imagine my surprise when one evening as I was sitting in my habbytat in the Noo Bun Room when I suddenly heard the music of my old friends from the Law & Order box coming from the Sitting Room! I had not seen them since leaving the previous place I shared with my Dad From Liberia and LuckieBun!

As soon as I heard the pluck-pluck music that plays between conversations on Law & Order, I began to try to attract somebun's attention. I created a Disturbance: I threw toys, tipped over my water crock, and upset my pootie box. I threw hay as far and as fast as I could, doing everything within my powers as a small rabbit to call hoomin attention to the fact that I could hear my former friends visiting in another room and was demanding to be let out, as formerly, to see them!

Eventually, after what seemed to me to be a very long time Maman appeared in the doorway to the Noo Bun Room and, upon seeing her, I began to bounce up and down, and to grunt, telling her in plain Lagomorphin to get me out of my habbytat and take me into the Sitting Room where I could hear my friends' Law & Order music playing.

One thing about Maman is that she is dense. She is not willfully dense, but she is dense-by-nature. Whereas I believe Jack McCoy wears a stoopit hat for reasons obscure to even himself, Maman needs to wear one to keep her thoughts contained inside her head.

I finally had to stand up on my back feets, place my front paws on the sides of my habbytat and almost be reduced to begging to be picked up and taken into the Sitting Room where I knew my Law & Order friends would be waiting.

By the time Maman understood what was required of her, and had picked me up and carried me into the Sitting Room, my friends in the Law & Order box were GONE!

I cannot adequately express the enormity of my disappointment.

The term "BUGGERRIT!" comes to mind.

The following night, I again heard the music that announced the arrival of my Law & Order friends and at once repeated my attempts to gain hoomin attention.

This time, I was noticed by "Dadda" who displays somewhat more sense than the sweet-natured but dim-witted Maman. "Dadda" picked me up and took me into the Sitting Room where I was dismayed to discover that my Law & Order friends were just leaving! I was in time to witness the tail-end of the musical performance and the arrival of two strangers seated under a banner that read NBC10 News at 11!

At which point, I recall Dadda asking Maman, "Do you think Mouse wanted to watch Law & Order?"

And I remember Maman replying, as is her usual habit, with a long dissertation on The History Of Our Warren known amongst rabbits as Da Lore, listing all previous members of Our Warren who had ever "watched tellyvision" (whatever that means!) in the past.

After this long recitation, I believe that she and Dadda formed the opinion that I was to be brought into the Sitting Room when my friends from Law & Order were next expected to arrive.

This was, I additionally believe, to be done by way of a "test" to see if this was what I "expected"!

The following evening, I was sitting in my habbytat in the Noo Bun Room, quietly enjoying some carefully selected strands of premium Timothy Hay, when Dadda entered the room, and without preamble, began to tug and pull at my habbytat as though it was some kind of mobile vehicle!

Then Maman joined him, and calling out to me, "Hang on, Mouse!"

And whilst repeating this inane remark, the two of them wheeled me out of the Noo Bun Room, through the room known as the Kitchen, over a carpet and through an additional room known as the Dining Room, bumped me over an other carpet and down long, narrow room known as The Hallway and maneuvered my habbytat (with me inside, holding on for dear life!) into the Sitting Room.

There, I was taken from my habbytat and seated on Maman's lap on the sofa, and the box across the room was turned on.

I moved from Maman's lap at once to find my own cushion. Let the record show that I pay attention to my friends and do not like being distracted by a lot of what hoomins call "petting" while I am visiting with my friends from Law & Order.

Maman was consuming some kind of small squares of cereal, so I nipped her to remind her to share, which, to her credit, she did.

And then, after some totally useless business about hoomin forms of transportation and "zoom-zoom" with very loud, crass music, I heard the theme-song announcing the arrival of my friends in Law & Order.

I must say, I was very, very touched and pleased to see them again!

The detectives, Green and Fontana, are still chasing bad guys through the streets of New York City. I must say that Det. Green looks very well, and I am lost in admiration at Det. Fontana's splendid sense of fashion!

Jack McCoy is still prosecuting criminals in the justice system and serving as an inspiration to youngbuns everywhere. His sense of duty and tireless public service have certainly inspired me to work hard within RIFRAF for justice and fairness for all animals, everywhere!

I sat still and watched my friends in Law & Order for the entire hour they were with us, side on (which is normal for rabbits as we do not share hoomin binocular vision) and without moving, except to eat my squares of cereal. Maman and Dadda concluded (correctly) that I enjoyed visiting with my friends and resolved to make it possible for me to visit with them each time they returned to the Sitting Room which more or less seems to average once-per-week (and sometimes more!).

Please allow the record to show how happy I am to see Law & Order friends again! They remind me of my old friend Dad From Liberia who took LuckieBun and me into his heart and cared so much for us that he found a good place like Our Warren for us when Bad Things Threatened our former happiness.

And, further, please allow the record to reflect how happy I am to be living with these nice, slightly dense hoomins who drive me around in my habbytat and care enough about rabbits in their nice, slightly dense way to try and understand things that, however strange they seem to them, bring happiness to small rabbits.

I would also like the record to show that I believe that The World needs smart people like the detectives and the Executive Assistant District Attorneys but I also believe that The World needs nice, slightly dense people in it, too; People of good will, and good intent, who are not afraid to love house-bunnies.

I, Mr Mouse of Our Warren, house-rabbit, swear that the above is the whole truth and nothing but the truth to the best of my knowledge and ability to relate.

Signed: Mr Mouse of Our Warren

Given this day, Friday, the twenty-first day of April, 2006.

Posted by Our Warren at 12:22 PM EDT
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Tuesday, 18 April 2006
George's 4th Strand, Day 18: Hay Diet
Now Playing: "It's The End Ob Da Werld As We Know It"

Wook at dis! I just found out dat inna space dat says "Now Playing" a "blogger" (which is whut I am) is s'sposed to putta name obba musicks dat illystrates dere mood or da mood ob dere posty. So I hadda wook around onna 'puter, found a song dat would sorta talk aboud whut I'm gonna post about and put it inna "Now Playing" line. So if you know dis song dat I put inna "Now Playing" line, (which is by some groop called "REM") you can sing along while you read this posty. Because dis title pretty much reflekts how Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren feel about Maman's Stoopit Hay Diet.

Oh, and by da way, I know whut da odder TOOL fings onna Blog Page are for, wike "Mood" (shows a smiley face fing) and "Topic" (puts stuff innu cattygories) but I don't use them onna'count obba fakt dat I fink dey are Not Needed By Bunnies. Mebbe hoomins want preddy, shiney tools, but I can't see da point ob dem for me. Sum fings just take up more space den dey are worf if you know how to use werds to say whut you rilly mean.

So on to my REAL TOPIC TIDAY which happins to be Whut Happined Last Nite.

I mean, if you know sumfing is coming, then you can sort ob prepare yourself for it, but when sumfing hits you wiffoud enny warning, den, well, you know, sumtimes those around you can hab "unhextpected reactions", lemme tell you.

And I can guess you could say that we knowed dis was coming because it had arrived bifore. But still.

It all started back wif Hawthorn who was husbun to Belinda Bunny who was Da Bunny who started so menny fings, inklooding dis Hay Diaries Blog.

Well, Wun Day, Maman notised dat Hawthorn and Hunny (who was Top Bunning at that time, cos he was still a YoungBun back den) were habbin' problems inna Pootie Departmint.

Now, ebberybunny knows dat All Problems Wif Pooties can be solved by HAY, so Maman anna V-E-T decided datta "Best Way" to make Hawthorn and Hunny feel bedder inna Pootie Departmint was to gib dem HAY to eat, alla time, and No Green Bag Pellets and worser, NO TREATS for awhile!

And, because each bunny, both Hawthorn and Hunny, had hungry wifebuns, the only way Maman could be sure dat dey would be eating ONLY HAY was to make sure that there was ONLY HAY inna habbytat to be eated. So she taked away ebberybunny's pellets and gibbed ebberybunny ONLY HAY to eat, which da V-E-T said, was hokay to do because pellets only make bunnies FAT!

Notis dat NO Bunnies were consulted during dis whole process ob creating a "diet" to make bunnies feel bedder!

Yeah.

Well, ennyways, Now, atta First Sign dat ennybunny in Our Warren ebben might be habbin' Pootie Problems, Maman starts Alla Us Togedder onna HAY DIET onna Theory dat It Will Help The Pootie Problems for da bunny habbin' dem, and even bedder for ebberybunny else, It Can't Hurt if ebberybunny else eats ONLY HAY!

So, ebben though we allus hab alla fresh Timothy Hay dat we wants, we now hab MORE OB IT!

Yeah. We gots mounds and mounds.

Dadda brought it in lastest nite, just afta he and Maman hadda look at Ms Clover's butt.

Now it is NOT Ms Clover's fault datta great big hair-pootie falled outta her butt. Beebe, her husbun has been sick and he can't groom her very well, and besides, she's about three times his size. As Dadda says, he needs to make chalk marks to know where he leebed off grooming her ennyways, and when he's sick, he don't habba prayer ob keeping up wif her in Shedding Season. She does hab very clean and well-groomed ears, though, so it's not like he's letting her go or ennyfing, but she does habba lotta loose fur, particuarly around her nether-regions which is hard to get to when you allus "begin atta beginning" obba bunny (which means da ears), so to speak, wike Beebe does.

So it's not Ms Clover's fault dat she has alla dis fur in her pootie system, and she is eating HAY to get rid ob it, which is why she hadda gynormous fur-pootie fall out, but then Maman and Dadda found it inna habbytat, and dat's when alla dis HAY-talk started.

Just mounds and mounds obba stuff.

And at furst when Dadda brought it in and put it in our habbytat, you know, Missy and I started burrowing unnerneaf ob it and tossing it around, and den, suddinly, Missy poked her nose up fru alla da hay, wooked at me and sed,

"Hey, waidaminit! Wheredaheck are alla da treats?"

And I'm wike, "Howdaheck do I know? I can't hardly see ennyfing onna'count ob alla dis hay Dadda put in here."

And Missy sort ob waded through da hay to where our pellet bowl is screwed innu da wall and wooked in and den wooked at me and demanded,

"And where's our pellets, huh?"

So I sort ob bulldozed my way to the frunt obba habbytat and periscoped up, and wooked ober at where Ms Clover and Beebe are, and they're up to their necks in Hay, too.

And Beebe called out, "YO!"

So I axted him if he'd seen da Raisin Can going around yet, and he just said "YO!" again, cos he wassa School Bunny for too long bifore he was rescued, and has fortygotten most obba Lagomorphan ebberybunny mostly knows.

So I axted Mr Mouse and he sed Maman and Dadda were gibbing Da Dawg his dinner and would probably hand out treats afta dat.

But den I heared Dadda say he was going Uppastairs to feed Da Catz, and den Da Light Dawned.

We were onna Hay Diet!

Well, just as I thought it, da same Light Dawned on MissyBun, and I thought she was gonna go inside out, she was that beside herself.

Her miniLop ears raised themselves until dey was standing out straight frum her head, and she looked like a heelycopter about to take off, and she stuck her big, white nose straight up inna air and yelled atta top ob her voice:

"Inna werds ob Belinda Bunny, I Can't Be Habbin' Wif Dis!"

And because I am not stoopid, I got myself buried unnerneaf ob dat hay, cos Missy proceeded to dismantle our habbytat. Toys started flying ebberywheres - furst da light balls-wif-bells-in, den da heavier Baby-Barrel-Rattle flew rite past my hed and banged innu da side obba habbytat. Den she started throwing her weight around, and Missy has some weight, lemme tell you! She swung her butt and sent dat Wadder Bowl skidding across the habbytat, and then she started attacking the Pootie Boxes inna corner wif both paws and her teeths.

And dat's aboud when Maman came innu Da Bun Room to see "whuttaheck alla fuss was aboud."

And Missy was so mad about suddinly being onna Hay Diet wif NO TREATS dat she kept on yanking and pulling atta pootie box wif both paws and her teeths, right in frunt ob Maman!

So I stuck my nose up outta da Hay and mentioned to Maman dat mebbe she bedder do sumfing about dis, onna'count obba fakt dat Missy was making a lotta noise and Missy could keep on making a lotta noise like dis all nite long, lemme tell you.

And Dadda commed down frum feeding Da Catz, and he sed, "I fink we'd bedder gib dem sum raisins."

And Maman wooked thoughtful for a minit, and den went toda cupboard and got da Raisin Can. And she gibbed Dadda sum raisins for Mr Mouse and gabe sum by hand to Ms Clover.

And Missy sort ob gave up onna pootie-pans when she seed da Raisin Can and sat sulking inna corner wif dis Dangerous Wook in her eyes.

And because I am not stoopid, I stayed where I was wif ebberyfing but my hed and ears buried inna HAY.

Now rite then, whin Maman started handing out raisins by hand, we should hab knowed sumfing was going on, but Ms Clover was busy gibbing Maman Da Royal Bunny-Bunny ob Displeasure to show how angry she was wif da whole HAY DIET ishoo, so she couldn't break form to say ennyfing, and Beebe, well, he's just Beebe, so all he did was call out, "YO!", when he gotted his raisins frum Dadda, and dat didn't mean much ob ennyfing to ennybun.

But Missy and I should hab guessed whuttaheck was gonna happin.

And we didn't.

So were WE ebber sus'prised and 'mazed whin Dadda stopped by our habbytat and handed us...

TWO.

We got TWO measley raisins! EACH!

And then Dadda closed the top ob our habbytat and said, "Nite, Bunnies!" and turned off the Bun Room Light.

And there's me, inna dark, blinking, and it's all silent, but it's that kind of silent that comes while you watch a firewerk going up inna sky. There's nuffin, justa spark travelling upward inna hurry, but you know the *bang* is in dere sumwheres.

And da firewerk's name was Missy and she hit me full-force inna butt, which is considerable whin you bemember she doesn't habba whole lotta room to get up speed.

So I piked myself up frumma corner and was, like, "Whuttaheck?"

And dat's whin she hit me a sekond time.

So I got up and took off afta her, because I am not a Baby Bunny ennymores and, wike Hunny sed, when you are Top Bunning, there's just so much ob dis Nonsence Dat You Are Willing To Take. And just like Hunny teached me, I yelled, "Shaddup, Missy!"

And we hadda widdle run-'round.

And then, afta it was quiet again onna'count ob Missy habbin' Blowed Off Steam, I heered Maman say to Dadda, "Whut's up wiffa rabbits, dear? Is sumfing wrong do you fink?"

And den I heered Dadda: "It's just George and Missy, love. They do love their hay."

And Missy mumbled, "Lunatics."

And Mr Mouse sed, "Idiots."

And Ms Clover had her mouf full, and being a lady, she didn't say ennyfing,

But Beebe sed, "YO!"

And dat's when I bemembered dis liddle song dat I put inna "Now Playing" sekshun for you to read: "It's The End Ob Da Werld As We Know It...and I feel fine..."

------------By George


Posted by Our Warren at 10:59 AM EDT
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Monday, 17 April 2006
George's 4th Strand; Day Number 17
Now Playing: Pootie Promises

Yeah. Here we go again.

This Gardin stuff is gonna be The End obba'us all, lemme tell you. I know whut Maman promised Hunny, about having a Forever Rose Gardin ob his very own with her Grandmother's Birdbaf and Stone Rabbits and alla those things, but she had NO IDEA whut she was getting Alla Us Togedder into when she promised him, either.

This is mainly because Promises are like pooties foot-flicked into the water-bowl. At first, there's nothing happining, just the pootie lying there in the bottom obba bowl, but preddy soon, there's pootie all through the water.

And that's how it's been wif dis Gardin fing. At furst, there was just Maman, finking about it. Then there wassa Rose Bushes. Then Glubs. Then a Hat to keep the sun of her hed. Then Dadda Anna Traktor. Then Dadda, the Tracktor anna Tracktor House, then Dadda, the Tracktor, anna House Forda Tracktor's Stuff...

And now, dere issa Pwoblem Obba Dawg Anna Tracktor.

Now, Dadda comes frum sumplace in Inkland called da West Country, which is sumtimes called "Zummerzet" or "Devonsheer" (I don't fink it is spelled wike dat, but I'm going wif whut I heer). An alla Border-Collie Dawgs inna West Country LUBS to ride on Tracktors.

At least, dis is whut Dadda says.

He says dat ebbery Tracktor inna Zummerzet and Devonsheer comes complete wiffa collie-dawg eidder perched onna top, next toda driver, or else wiffa collie-dawg riding high onna trailer being towed along behind. And dat collie-dawgs libbing all ober in Zummerzet and Devonsheer just LUB to heer da sound obba Tracktor motor starting up because they know dat dis sound means they are going for a ride wif their Person.

Well, apparently dis only applies to Border Collie-dawgs libbing in Zummerzet and Devonsheer in Inkland, because it sure means nothing to Our Marc-the-Border-Collie-Dawg who is libbing here at Our Warren.

Marc HATES the Tracktor. He ebben HATES da liddle cart Dadda bought for him to ride along in behind da Tracktor.

And Dadda says he paid good munny for dat cart, too.

So ebbery time Dadda opins the doors toda Tracktor's House and starts up da Tracktor's motor, Da Dawg goes NUTZ! He Rushes atta Tracktor, and he Barks atta Tracktor and he Threatens it, and he Snarls and he even Bites atta Tracktor's tires!

And Dadda says if he keeps dat biznezz up, he's gonna gedda slap 'round'is ear, mister.

Anna Dawg is like, "Huh?"

And so, whinebber da Tracktor hasta come out, Maman makes Da Dawg go inside obba Houz where he lies down unnerneaf ob Missy and me and whines about being "Hextklooded" - which issa berry bad fing if you are a Dawg. Being "Hextklooded" is as bad for a Dawg as being OnAlone is for a bunny, you see, because it means that Your Pack Does Not Want You, and that You Are Not Part Of Your Family. It is a very, very sad fing to happin to a Dawg.

So on Saturday, Maman finally came toda Conclusion that since a collie-dawg's "natchural place" is onna Tracktor, Our Dawg was just misinformed and whut he needed wassa bit ob "de-sensitivity training". So she snapped a lead onna Dawg and told him he was gonna go meet da Tracktor and he was gonna Like It.

Anna Dawg was like, "Huh?"

And Missybun sed to me, "Y'know, dis has 'Disaster' written all ober it."

And I figgered Missy was rite, onna'count obba fakt dat, Maman has no sense ob balance enny more and walks wiffa stick, and here she is, attached by a string to a bouncy collie-dawg who Hasn't Gotta Kloo.

So I sed dat to Maman, but Maman sed, wike she was mind-reading (which is sumfing Mamans can do):

"Wookit, I used be around horses, and I figure if I could control a twelve-hundred pound horse when I was seventeen, I can control a border-collie when I'm three-or-four times older. Dawgs are exponentually - or something - smaller than horses, which, in reality are only very large rabbits with smaller ears and have hooves - and I can walk rabbits on a harness with no problem, so there's no reason in the world why I can't walk the Dawg..."

And Missy wooked at me and just shook her hed. And Ms Clover glanced up, and said, "I can't look. Maybe Beebe can look, but I can't look."

And Beebe just turned his back on the whole ishoo because he's not as dumb as ebberybun finks he is. And Mr Mouse glared, mainly because he's almost as good as Missy at recognising when Maman is drifting happily Up Da Estuary Wiffout Sufficient Means Ob Locomotion.

Well, you know, for once in her life, my big, beautiful bunwife was wrong!

She won't admit it, but it's TROO. Maman came in frumma yard still hokay anna Dawg did listen to her re-training stuff and stopped walking in her Hunny's Our Warren Forever Memorial Gardin and quit charging Dadda's Tracktor!

So that was good.

Whut wasn't so good was that a liddle later on, Maman went outta Back Door wif her camera, saying she hadda take some pikchurs for Auntie Grace-in-Kin-Tuck-Eee and Auntie Jane-in-Callyfornia. And preddy soon, we heered a scream, and Dadda comed running, and don't'cha know, Maman had falled ober inna Gardin!

Yeah!

She had gotted chased by a BEE! Wunna dose great big bumbly bees dat has no sting, and no bite had buzzed at her eye and it had skert her, and because she was skert, she had tried to run, and she had falled and twisted up herself so that she was hurt and Dadda hadda help her walk innu da Houz. Dey hadda Talk aboudda hospiddle, but Maman won and she is inna Sitting Room cos Dadda sed so.

So now her Promise to make dis special Forever Memorial Rose Gardin for dear, old, undemanding Hunny has turned out to affect ebberybun in Our Warren: Da Dawg is having to accept Dadda's Tracktor, da Catz are stuck uppastairs wifouts fusses, and we're stuck wif Maman hobbling around not "quite" catering to our needs while Dadda werks and waits on her.

Just like one pootie inna water-bowl - now it's got innu ebberyfing!

----------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 10:36 AM EDT
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Saturday, 15 April 2006
George's 4th Strand; Day Fifteen
Now Playing: The Day Bifore Easter - Hoomin Lore

Well, dere they go again.

Maman and Dadda anna Dawg. Out innu da Back Gardin.

Maman has her Pockit-Aprin and Gardin Glubs on, anna Dawg has his Toy and as MissyBun says, he's looking Hopeful, as usual.

You can't beat a Border Collie for Hopeful. They are the most Hopeful Dawgs onna planet, Maman says. Zachary-Marcus is allus hoping sumbun is gonna play Ball wif him. He's so Hopeful dat he's gotten his Toy outta his Toy Basket at Elebben O'Clock at NITE, axting Dadda to frow it so they can play Ball inna Gardin.

Can you beleeb dat?

Well, it's happined.

You sure can't beat that Dawg for being Hopeful.

So he's gone Outside and taken his Toy wif him, even though it preddy much looks to Alla Us Togedder like Maman and Dadda are gonna go Werk Inna Gardin.

It rained last nite and Maman sed she hasta go wook at her Dill. I dunno whut da Dill is s'sposed to be doing, but she sed she hasta go look at it. She planted sum just bifore the rain onna'count obba fakt that you are s'sposed to plant Dill just bifore it rains, becos rain ennergizes the seeds so they grow more.

That's whut she sed.

Well, ennyfing that makes there be more Dill for us to eat issa Good Fing.

And Dadda sed he hasta "enlarge" Hunny's Memorial Rose Gardin ebber since Maman sed she wants to put inna Antique Birdbaf that usta be her Grandmother's. So Dadda taked sum string and sum sticks anna measuring tape outside wif him. And he's alreddy called us "Buggers" inna good-humoured kinda way, so you can preddy much tell dis is gonna be a Somerset kinda morning.

Did I mention dere are eggs boiling onna stove? The place stinks wike eggs. Apparently Maman is gonna colour eggs for dinner tomorry. I hab no cloo why. She telled Dadda dis is whin she misses eidder being a grandchild or habbin' dem. I dunno which.

And dere issa wotta Chocolate candy and stuff in bags downnastairs inna Pantry dat she is not telling Phil about onna'cout obba fakt he will eat it. He's 'parently s'sposed to eat it, but not 'till she says so. Or sumfing. She hasta get it innu baskits, she sed.

Dadda made a Big Deal aboudda "Cadbury Eggs", too, and I hadda break it to him gently dat Bunnies don't lay eggs. (Dere are times whin I rilly fink tellyvision is a berry bad fing, no madder whut Mouse says aboudda "Law & Order" shows.)

And Maman is wanting Dadda to go to sumplace called da Cathedral tomorry, too.

I fink whut I'm seeing heer is sumfing frum Maman's being a widdle girl, dat "Easter" is prob'ly a bigger deal for her den ebben dat "Chrissymus" is for most hoomins. And I fink it has to do wif her Lore.

Ebben hoomins hab dere Lore, just like Rabbits do, and it mite be as strong and also be handed down frum wun person to anudder in doing fings like planting Dill just bifore da rain, hiding chocolate candy, and putting a birdbaf out inna gardin.

At least dat's whut I fink.

----- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 8:15 AM EDT
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Friday, 14 April 2006
George's 4th Strand; Day Number 14
Now Playing: Lent
So tidday I was reading e-mail and I ound a flag on dis wun in Maman's "InBox":

"Are yoo not doing hay diaries no more George? - Loopy Bunny"

And I wint downnastairs to where Maman was folding laundry and I axted her, "Hey! Whuttaheck is happing around heer? Aren't I keeping up wif The Hay Diaries Blog ennymore?"

And Maman stopped folding Dadda's PetBunny Anniversary shirt and wooked at me and sed, "Well, I habba contract to edit dat book for somebunny."

So I sed, "And dis effects me, exactly, how?"

And Maman finked fora sekond and den she sed, "Well, it prob'ly doesn't. Mebbe you gabe up typin' The Hay Diaries for Lent."

So I finked aboud dis, and den realised I didn't know whuttaheck she meant by da werd "Lent". So I axted, and she 'splained dat Lent is when Christians, specifically Anglican Christians (which we happen to be), gib up sumfing so they know whut it is like to hab to go wiffout sumfing dat is 'portant to dem.

And I sed to Maman, "Wookit. I know alla'bout going wiffoud stuff dat is 'portant to me. I wassa Easter Dump, bemember? I got left inna empty cardboard box, all OnAlone, inna V-E-T's office 'till you came and piked me up to come and lib in Our Warren. Ebben if I amma Anglican bunny, I don't need to gib up stuff onna'count ob Lent in order to know whut not habbin' stuff is alla'bout. A whole lotta us hab Lent alla time and we didn't ebben axt for it!"

And Maman folded anudder shirt and she sed, "Dis is troo. But it is good dissyplin to bemind ourselves to be grateful for what we hab by not habbin' it."

So I added, "Mebbe dat werks for hoomins, but bunnies is dif'frunt. We hab to go a wotta times wiffoud fings and are preddy amazed whin fings go right. Wike take my pal Norman who libs in Callyfornia. So much has gone wrong in his life dat he can't beleeb stuff is actually going right for him for a change! No wonder he isn't doing binkies and rushing around trying to be a sweetbun and get pets alla time. He's preddy much convinced dat since hoomins hab allus failed him inna past and sent him away to shelters, Auntie Carla isn't going to be enny dif'frunt."

And Maman sed, "But YOU know Auntie Carla IS dif'frunt. Your pal Norman is in his Forever Home now. He's not going to be dropped off at a shelter again."

So MissyBun, who was habbin' da folded laundry stacked on top ob her habbytat poked her hed up between Dadda's tee shirts anna stack ob towels and sed, "Wookit Wady, whut about Our Beebe? He started out assa School Bunny, getting poked wif pencils an' teased by a bunch ob kids an' bein' left ober weekends inna fishtank, an' bein' sent home to be wif families dat didn't know ennyfing aboud habbin' bunnies, and fed all kinds ob junkfoods dat wassn't good for him. An' den he got taked by a student-teacher cos nobunny wanted him an' he hadda lib inna noisy dorm inna tiny, widdle cage an' he still didn't ged enny proper food. An' DEN he got parked wif sum rilly stoopid hoomins in sumplace in Marywand where sumbunny joined a e-list just to get sumbunny else to come take him offa dere hands.

"An' he's s'sposed to 'gib up sumfing' for Lent? How menny years was he 'Not Wanted'? Mebbe he culd gib up sum ob does years. He doesn't ebben know how old he is or where he was borned! He doesn't ebben know his right name. He came here knowing his name was Letter B, Letter B, but he didn't know whutta letters stood for. All he knew was dat he was afraid ob hands an' hadda attack dem, an' dat he couldn't trust nobun. Wook how long it took for him to trust Ms. Clover! And mostly all he can bemember to say is 'Yo!'

"How long did Our Beebe hab nuffin'? For almost his whole life, until he got to Our Warren. So why shuld he hab to gib up ennyfing now? He's a Senior Bun, and he's sick an' ebben Doctor Sharin can't find out whuttsamatta wif him. And just cos it's dis Lent fing, do you rilly fink Beebe shuld hab to gib up ennyfing when he can't ebben bemember enuf stuff to gib enny ob it up?"

And den MissyBun plopped down and went to sit on her pootie-box as she does when she's upset about sumfing.

So I waited a minit for Maman to pet her, and den I sed, "Da fing is, Lent is hokay for hoomins, I guess, if you mebbe hab a wot and hab fortygotted whut it is wike not to hab ennyfing. Or mebbe it is hokay to gib up sumfing if it won't mess up sumfing for sumbun else. Budda fakt is, Easter is comin' on Sunday and sum hoomins might still be finking dat buying a baby bunny rabbit for a kid is cute. Or dat buying a baby bunny for dere kid will make dere kid love dem. Or dat buying a baby bunny for dere kid will be a 'memorable 'sperience forda whle family' or sumfing.

"Now Belinda Bunny telled me I couldn't grow old, dat I hadda grow 'Tellygint. And wunna da fings I hab learned is dat Bunnies And Easter Don't Go Together! Knowing dis is part of growing 'Tellygint. And I hab to use da Blog to tell about it, so mebbe some hoomin sumwheres will tell anudder hoomin sumwheres not to buy a baby bunny for alla wrong reasons.

"Da point is, I can't go gibbin' uppa Blog for Lent cos I don't fink dat's da kinda Lent I'm s'sposed to be habbin, lemme tell you."

And Maman wooked at me, and she wooked at MissyBun sitting inna pooty-box, frowning, and she sighed.

"You are right, George." Maman sed.

So she pikt me up and put me inna empty laundry basket and carried me back uppastairs toda Study and heer I am, typin' in Belinda's The Hay Diaries Blog.

And Alla Us Togedder here at Our Warren are urging ebberybun to visit this link:
Make Mine Chocolate! to learn HOW and WHY to Make Mine Chocolate! this Easter and ebbery Easter!

Because as Our Hunny's Friend, the Rev. Dr. Virginia M. Sheay sed, "We are stewards, not owners of the planet."

----- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 2:49 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 14 April 2006 10:56 PM EDT
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Tuesday, 7 March 2006
George's Third Strand; Day Number 7
Now Playing: Please Make Mine Chocolate!
Ebberybunny NEEDS to see dis:






Please, please, please go to dis link and read da stories heer. Just do it. It's IMPORTANT.

Fank you.

Frum your friend at Our Warren,

George,
a formerly dumped EasterBunny

Posted by Our Warren at 1:41 PM EST
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Monday, 6 March 2006
George's Third Strand, Day Number 6
Now Playing: WERK!
Maman is not oppyrating at full cap-a-city. I fink dis FLOO did sumfing to her and it might be, you know, kinda obba permenate natchur.

She has spent da whole morning trying to edit Belinda's Blog entries onna'count obba fackt dat dere is sum people yelling at her to hurry up and make them presentable for sum business fing.

Maman was down heer saying, "Business has nuffin to do wif art." and axting me, "George, whut issa price ob art?"

Well, I am not 'Tellygint enuf to know da answer to dat one, so I didn't say ennyfing. I gen'rally don't try to say ennyfing when she is axting these type ob questions because there is No Point. She is not inna mood to listen, or if she does listen, she is just gonna start a rilly, rilly long argument and not do whatever it is that she doesn't want to do ennyways.

Hoomins are wike dis: you cannot make a hoomin do what it doesn't want to do.

And Maman doesn't wike to edit stuff.

And dat is preddy much dat.

She specially doesn't wike to edit Belinda's stuff, onna'count ob she hasta use split screens onna 'puter, and develop a consistant glossery ob terms which means that she will hab to rilly unnerstand Lagomorphin (which is a bunny's native language) instead ob only pretending to do.

In udder werds, Maman is gonna hab to rilly werk> and dis issa pawt of werking dat she doesn't wike habbin to do.

So she's down heer axting questions and, lemme tell you, I am NOT getting involved in trying to gib her enny answers cos there aren't enny!

Now before Maman got this FLOO fing, she was preddy good about werking and was going about it inna preddy reg'lar way. Dis is how I know aboutta "split screens" onna 'puter and all, cos I was Upstairs inna Study while she is doing dis Editing fing and hab seed it all going on. Maman wikes bunny-company while she is werking and I wike being wif her when it is just her and me. Nobun else.

So I know about alla stuff dat goes on wif Maman dat udders don't.

And I know alla questions she axts when she gets tired and cranky - alla questions about "ART" and alla dat stuff. (Which is how I know dat dere are no answers to her questions.)

But since she gotted dis FLOO, she hasn't bin doing much werk. She has mostly stayed Downnastairs, inna Sitting Room, wrapped up inna Quilt. She mostly doesn't want to eat and only drinks watter. And she doesn't want much company, ebben bunnies, and she gets berry tired, berry fast.

She says she ought to be ober da FLOO by now, 'cept dat she isn't, or else she would be back Uppastairs inna Study doing werk.

But she is not.

She is down heer, axting me stuff to ged her offa hook so she doesn't hab to werk.

Well, dis bunny wasn't borned yestidday. She can axt me all she wants aboudda rellytib price ob Art, anna alla that philosophical stuff, and I am gonna keep on sitting on dis pootybox, looking very wise and inscrutable.

Because I may not be 'Tellygint, but I'm sure not stoopit.

--------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 2:18 PM EST
Updated: Monday, 6 March 2006 2:20 PM EST
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Sunday, 26 February 2006
George's Second Strand; Day Number 26
Now Playing: Heer We Go Again

And you thought whut happined yestidday was bad.

Well, it's still happinin tidday, and there's sum stuff I fortygot to add in yestidday that happined bifore that is still affecting us now and that will prob'ly continue to affect whut is gonna keep happinin around heer at Our Warren for sum time to come, which is still preddy much still going on...

Lemme tell you.

So where was I yestidday when I left off so I can begin about whut's happinin tidday?

Oh yeah - Dadda was Driving Toda Rescue ob Phil-da-Lad who had sumhow managed to Rent Da Wrong Truck That He Could Not Drive Frumma'nudder State and had Runned Ober A Gas Station (and Maman had *nuffin* to do wif ENNY ob this particular mess this time, bemember!).

So.

Dadda called Maman wast nite while Mr Mouse was still angry and upset onna'count obba fakt dat "Law & Order" was STILL not onna tellyvishion because there were Olympics on it instead.

And Dadda called Maman to tell her that:

1.) It was not a 30 foots-long Truck that Phil-da-Lad couldn't drive that he had Runned Ober da Gas Station, it wassa 24 foots-long Truck, but that Dadda didn't measure it the same way as udder hoomins who did not come frum Inkland measured Trucks, which was Part Obba Problem.

2.) Da Udder Part Obba Problem was dat Phil-da-Lad hadn't done ennyfing so much ennyways and Dadda had buyed Inshurance fordat, cos he issn't Stoopit.

So there was One Problems, Sorted Out and Solved.

So Dadda had drived the Truck back to Phil's Old 'Partmint and Phil anna Rent-A-Teens loaded it up wif Stuff. They also loaded up wif Three Catz, which are:
KayCee, Queen ob Kitties
Toby, Fat-Cat-Wannabe, and
Munchkin/Mischief (who issa pain-inna-butt).
And Furby da Hammie(ster).

And Dadda was going to go to bed, onna'count obba fakt dat he was tired.

So he did.

So Maman comed out innu da Kitchen and filled uppa sink wif hot wadder and began Washing Up.

Anna rite-aboud-THEN, the Catz showed up, cos it was time for Food.

And, ob course, Da Dawg showed up, too, mainly because the Catz did, and he hadda make shure that they weren't gonna get ennyfing dat he wassen't gonna gedda look in, too.

And we were innerested in whut was going on onna'count ob it was Treat Time, which issa Most Impawtant Time obba day at Our Warren.

So Maman filled uppa sink wif suds stuff and put alla bowls in to soak. And then she went ober to Mr Mouse and piks him up outta his habbytat and axts him,

"Whutsmatta wif my widdle Mouse-ums?"

Which he doesn't particuarly like being called, but because he's been in dere grunting, "Law-and-Order, Law-and-Order, Law-and-Order!" and bouncing up-and-down like a little black steam engine for most obba nite, he's prepared to deal wif just onna'count obba fakt dat he's happy to be out and sitting on Maman's shoulder, since Dadda's shoulder isn't currently available.

And, so, Maman started off downna hallway toward Da Sitting Room, wif Mouse clinging toda collar ob her bafrobe and his little ears stickin' up ober her shoulder.

And onna way, Mouse is grunting: "Law-and-Order! Law-and-Order! Law-and-Order!" as they're walking along.

And as they get toda doorway obba Sitting Room, I hear Mouse go, "Law-and-Ord-WhuttahackisDAT?"

And I hear Maman say, "How do you like your Noo TeeVee, MouseyWouse?"

And then I hear her say,

"Mouse? Mouse. Mouse, get your head out of my pocket. Here, turn around...Mouse...Mouse...Lookit your noo...Mouse...HEY! Mouse!"

And then Mouse is yelling his head off: "It's SNOWING IN HEER! NO, I WON'T GO! I WON'T GO! TAKE ME BACK! PLEASE!"

And Maman is, like, "Look, you stoopit rabbit, it's your Noo Tellyvishion set! Will you get your head out of my pocket? No, Mouse, not that way...Mouse...Turn around, Mouse...MOUSE! NOT DOWN MY NIGHTGOWN!"

And right about then, Da Dawg, attracted by alla yellin' going on, barks atta Cokie-Cat, who is not inna Best Ob Moods (onna'count ob not habbin' seen enny food yet).

And Maman shouts: "LETGOA MY HAIR, MOUSE!"

And now she's coming full-steam back downna hallway, wif bof hands on her hed, anna Dawg trailin' along behind waring sum kinda stoopit lopsided happy-grin.

AND he's wagging his tail and dancing.

And Maman's whispering, "ShaddupYouStoopitDawg!ShaddupShaddupShaddup..." and she's holding up Mouse uppabove her head, and Mouse is hanging on to her hair wif all four feets like Grim Death.

So she gets toda Bun Room, slides to a stop onna linoleum floor, kneels down in frunt ob Mouse's habbytat, sticks her hed inna door, and he makes a flying leap innu his his pootybox and stays there.

And Maman slams his habbytat door shut and den just sits there, onna floor, breathing kinda hard, and Mouse is sitting inna pootybox, and he's breathing kinda hard, anna Dawg is clogging uppa doorway toda Bun Room, keeping the Catz out, and wagging his tail and breathing kinda hard cos he's Stoopit and finks dis is all Sum Kinda Weird And Wunnerful Noo Game called "Chase Da Maman".

And, ob course, Cokie-da-Fat-Cat ambles up toda doorway, slides to a halt, snuffles da Dawg and den sneezes rite in his face. And just about den, Beep-da-Stoopit-Cat slinks unnerneaf obba Dawg and goes to see whut's been dropped unner Clover and Beebe's habbytat.

So finally Maman pulls herself togedder and gets to her feets and goes back out innu da Kitchin and wiffout saying much ob ennyfing, goes back to washing alla Food Bowls like nuffing much has happined.

'Cept that she's banging a whole lotta stuff around and making a lotta noise while she's doing it.

And it gets Rilly Quiet inna Whole Houz, 'cept for Maman, banging Stuff around.

Anna Dawg gets his food.
Anna Catz get their food.
And we get fresh wadder.
And we get fresh pellets.
And we get salads.

Anna Dawg gets to go Outta Back Gardin Door to visit his Pootybox Inna Sky.

And Maman still isn't saying ennyfing.

And Missy says to me, rilly quiet-like: "It is berry cold on my butt when Maman opins dat door."

And I sed: "Well I don't smell enny snow. Do you?"

And she says: "No. I just feel a draft. So whuttaheck was Mouse yellin' aboutta snow for?"

So I called ober to Mouse, rilly quiet-like: "Hey Mouse! Whut happined wiffa snow inna Sitting Room?"

And he calls back to me: "You know how there usta be a tellyvishion where I watched 'Law & Order'? Well, now its gone. Now there's just a Hole Inna Wall, and it's snowing! Maman tried to Release me out innu da Gardin innu da SNOW!"

And I shaked my ears. "Well, dat can't be rite. Maman RESCUES bunnies. She doesn't Release bunnies to die outside inna cold and snow."

And Mouse says, all sad and sorrowful: "She must not want me."

And den Clover waggles her ears and says: "Mouse, dat's just STOOPIT! You know Maman wants you! Lemme axt you sumfing - whin you were inna Sitting Room, did you feel a Cold Draft up your butt?"

And Mouse thought for a sekond and then he answered, "No. Didn't feel enny drafts."

And Missy axts him: "Did you SMELL enny snow onna air?"

And Mouse finks for a momint and den he answers: "No. I didn't smell ennyfing 'cept datta Dawg anna Fat-Cat hab bin toda Spa..."

And Missy says: "Fank goodness for dat! Stoopit Catz smell wike old bafroom rugs!"

"Well," says Clover, "I don't fink you were ennywhere's NEAR being 'Outside', Mouse. I fink sumfing else happined."

And Mouse shook his head and says, "Wookit, I know whut I saw, and it was SNOW! A whole lotta SNOW!"

And den Maman comed back innu Da Bun Room.

And she stopped by Mouse and gibbed him FIVE currents!

And den she wooked at him for a minit and she says:

"Bemind me to never again to spend eleven hunnert dollars onna noo thirty-six inch, flat-screen, high-deffynition, stereo tellyvishion for you to watch 'Law & Order', rabbit. And on the off chance that I do, bemind me not to tune it into Olympic Downhill Skiing when I show it to you for the first time!"

-------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 5:51 PM EST
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Saturday, 25 February 2006
George's Second Strand; Day Number 25
Now Playing: Life In the Fast Lane

You know, there are days when I just sit here at dis 'puter wif nothing to type, and nothing 'markable is going on in alla Our Warren, and there is not a single thought happening ennywheres in my whole hed - when I couldn't catch an idea wiffa net if I had one...

And then there's days wike this one.

It's eidder feast or famine around heer, lemme tell you.

It's kinda been like this:

1.) Maman waked up atta beginning obba week and there was Sumfing Berry Wrong Wif Her. She walked innu Da Bun Room and kinda stood dere inna doorway, swaying gently, 'till Dadda came and taked her back innu Da Bedroom and called The Hoomin V-E-T.

And that's how Maman got Kwar-en-teened, which meant dat nobunny could come innu da House and only Da Dawg could go outside onna'count ob he has his pootie-box out there.

And Maman had to Stay-In-Bed, which she don't like much.

Den Dadda sed he didn't feel so good, eidder and he got back innu bed, too.

Den Cokie-da-Fat-Cat sed he needed to be inna bed, anna Dawg sed, "No Way, Fatboy!" and there wassa preddy good Argu-mint dat got going inna Bedroom, onna bed, on top ob where Maman and Dadda were s'sposed to be sleeping, right around Three O'Clock Inna Morning, which Dadda ended when he flinged Cokie way, high up-inna-air outta da Bedroom, innu da Hall.

So that was Bad Enough.

And it gets worse.

2.) The Olympics is still on. Which means that there has been no "Law & Order" onna tellyvishion for over a week. So you know Mr Mouse is pissed.

Maman tried letting him watch the Olympics, but Mr Mouse sed that its just a bunch of people playing inna snow, and he can't see da point innit. So he doesn't want to watch. Den Maman put on some show called "'Murrican Idle" and Mouse sed that was a "load of bollards" and boring (which I can agree wif - I mean, who wants to see traffic cones onna tellyvishion? You can see stoopit fings standing around ebberywheres wiffoud habbin to turn onna tellyvishion.).

So Mouse is inna rilly BAD mood, and since Mouse is nebber inna rilly GOOD mood, things heer are whut you'd call "preddy darned GRIM." He ebben grunts whin Da Dawg just passes by and waves his tail da wrong way.

But - it gets worse...

3.) And Phil and Alanna are moving to their Noo 'Partmint this weekend.

Ob course, enny equation wif "Phil-da-Lad" as one ob da components is bound to screw up. Phil issa Lightning Rod For Disaster. He's not sumbun you meet so much as sumfing dat happins to you if you're not rilly, rilly careful. It's not dat there's ennyfing wrong wif Phil - dere's not. He's a perfectly nice young man and is wunnerful to all animals - it's just dat disasters know his address and visit him often.

So he found a lubly 'partmint and Dadda arranged for him to hire a truck in which to move alla his stuff. So The Truck was s'sposed to be ready for collection last nite, only it wasn't, so it was ready dis morning, but in anudder State (Dadda managed to hab dis mess up all on his own and Maman didn't ebben innerfear or ennyfing) so Phil-da-Lad wif Da Rent-A-Teens (who are no longer "Teens", but whutdaheck) went along to pick up dere truck so dey could pack alla boxes from Phil and Alanna's old place and drive alla stuff toda Noo Apartmint.

So...

Well, da phone just rang, and Maman answered it, and dere's Phil onna udder end, screaming.

Seems datta truck Dadda ordered isn't da truck dat they got. Instead obba truck Phil can axtchually DRIVE what he's got is sumfing 30 foots long dat don't bend inna middle or sumfing and Phil has just runned it ober a gas-station.

Or sumfing.

Ennyways, da gas-station guy is being unnerstanding onna'count ob dis has happined before wif Wrongly Rented Trucks.

Den Dadda got onna phone wif Phil and there was sum more screaming back and forth aboudda "trucks", "The Naby" and, "Whuddyamean 'Only in a straight line'?"

So Dadda (who knows about driving Trucks if he has to) is on his way Three Hours Away To The Rescue, while Maman stays at home being Kwar-en-teened, while Phil is holed up atta gas-station he just rolled ober, habbin' a nerbous-breakdown inna 30 foots-long truck He Can't Drive.

And Mouse still can't watch "Law & Order" and is taking it out onna Dawg (who hasn't gotta cloo).

Maman sed dere is no way Dadda's gonna make it home tonight, so it's just Alla Us Togedder being Kwarenteened and whutnot, and dat dere is no way she can make da Olympics go away or put "Law & Order" back onna tellyvishion, so Mouse is gonna hab to "Get Over It".

That'll happin.

And she's brought in a BIG armload ob hay for ebberybun, dumped it in our habbytats, set out food forda Catz, closed da Bedroom door, and put a Quilt, da phone, sum tissues, her meddysin anna box ob crackers byda settee inna Sitting Room and sed,

"Dat's It! I'm done!"

So heer we are.

I'll let you know if ennyfing else happins...

------------------ By George




Posted by Our Warren at 3:22 PM EST
Post Comment | Permalink
Sunday, 12 February 2006
George's Second Strand; Day Number 12
Now Playing: SNOW!


It's Snowing at Our Warren!

Yeah.

I'm not talking a few little flakes, either - I'm talking the stuff that started last night before we went to bed and is still going on when we waked up.

Not just a liddle SNOW Shower, or mild Minor Flurries,I'm talking a whole, major SNOW EVENT going on!

The kind ob SNOW that the wedderpeoples get all hextchited about, anna Noospeople have "Team Coverage" over.

Dis issa kinds SNOW dat Maman's favourite Wedderman, "Hurricane" Glenn Schwartz (who typed his own Buk aboutta History Ob Wedder In Philadelphia), was ebben onna tellyvision about last nite, and he is so impawtant dat he nebber hasta werk onna Tellyvishon onna Saturday nite unless dere is gonna be a Wedder Event happening!

So you know that this SNOW issa'pawtant SNOW, and not just a reg'lar one.

So last nite, just when we should hab all been settling down inna nice, warm hay to eat and observe da wedder outside obba Our Warren's Memorial Window,Da Dawg comes cruising by wif Dadda coming along behind, saying he hasta go outside innu da Back Gardin.

Now Da Dawg allus hasta go out to visit his Back Gardin, last fing before he will settle down for da Nite. It's some kinda "Dawg Fing" dat he says he hasta do, onna'count ob "Dawg Lore" dat is berry dif'frunt frum Da Lore dat Rabbits know.

So Dadda opins da Back Door forda Dawg to go out innu Da Back Gardin. Now da Back Door is rilly TWO doors, a Big Door, anna Screen Door, and they are nextest to Missy and my Habbytat, and as soon assa Big Door is opin, in blows a HUGE gust ob cold air anna bunch ob snow flakes. Den Dadda opins da Screen Door and out goes Da Dawg.

And wif alla cold air blowing in, I'm wike, "Hey! Shut da door!"

But dere's Dadda, standing dere atta Screen Door, wooking out atta SNOW.

Anna cold air is blowing in, and Dadda turns to Maman and says, "Glenn's right. It's SNOWING a lot."

And Missy's dere, wike, "No joke, Smart Guy! Now close da door!"

And Dadda's still standing dere, wooking outta da Screen Door, and he says to Maman, "It's not all that cold outside."

And I'm finking, "You're saying dat cos it's not your backside dat's habbin' wind blowing up it."

And Mouse says, "I dunno about dat Glenn-guy, but I smell a whole LOT more SNOW onna way. Is Dadda gonna shut dat door or is he gonna let alla cold in heer?"

And Dadda's still standing wiffa Big Door opin, and he says to Maman, "Wook at dat. Da SNOW is almost up to Da Dawg's belly."

And Clover says, "Alla dis cold air blowing in heer can't be good for Beebe's sneezles."

And finally Maman says to Dadda, "You'd better close da door, dear, so we don't heat alla Ewing Township."

Notice da she doesn't say a werd about not heating alla da bunnies!

Ennyways, preddy soon, Dadda's back atta Big Door, pulling it opin soda Dawg can come back in. And as usual, heer comes Da Dawg and he's cobbered wif SNOW.

And Dadda calls out to Maman, "Wook atta Christmas Dawg!"

And he's holding opin bof doors, and alla cold air is pouring in again.

So I've, like, about haddit, and I *thump*.

And Dadda up frum letting inna Dawg and says, "Whut's your pwoblem, Bug-A-Lugs?" and wooks ober at Missy.

And Missy says, "I didn't do dat, George did."

And Dadda says, "Knock it off, Lord Fauntleroy."

So I don't know who he's talking to, so I *thump* again, anna Dawg tries to sneak outta da Bun Room while he's still cobbered in SNOW, becos nobun is paying 'tention to him.

But ob course Dadda sees him anna trail ob muddy foots-prints, and calls him back.

So Dadda gets a towel and wipes offa Dawg. It's wike Maman says: Da Dawg knows dat its SNOWING on his hed, but becos his coat is so fick (kinda like his head) he's not so sure whut's happining toda rest ob his body.

So den dis morning, we bunnies are up and rummaging quietly around in our hay before Light, and there's this Big Flash anna Loud *BANG*.

Which preddy much s'sprised Alla Us Togedder. Beebe, Mouse and I bounced up inna air, and alla us landed wiffa *THUMP* which is whut boy-bunnies is s'sposed to do to warn da Warren ob DANGER.

And den Dadda comes out frumma bedroom wiffa Dawg and Cokie-da-Fat-Cat ambling on behind (cos dis is whut dey do whin dere is DANGER - and they leave Maman inna bed in her nitegown) and Dadda is in Bare Feets, and tying on his Bafrobe.

And just as Dadda hassa wook outta Bun Room Our Warren Memorial Window, dere issa'nudder Big Flash anna'nudder Loud *BANG* and Dadda says, "Heh. Thunder?"

And Maman calls out frumma bedroom, "Yes, when it's a bad SNOW storm, we have thunder with it. Now it's really going to SNOW hard."

And suddenly Da Dawg wooks up and whines, "My Gardin!"

And Mouse is wike, "Whut about it?"

Anna Dawg goes, "Alla MARKS are gonna be gone! No udder dawgs are gonna know its MY GARDIN!"

And I'm wike, "Lookit, Dawg, enny udder Dawgs dat is out in dis wedder is poor, wost dawgs dat gots no homes."

Anna Dawg whines, "You don't unnerstand, George Bunny! I gotta nekkid gardin! It's out dere wif NO MARKS onnit! Oh crap,ohcrap, ohcrapohcrapohcrap!"

And Cokie-da-Fat-Cat says, "If you godda go dat bad, den use da pooty-box. Dadda put one down heer onna'count obba stoopit Munchkin-kitten being uppastairs using Beep's and mine."

Anna Dawg begins making his Peeping Sound at Dadda, which issa Sound dat he makes when he needs to go Outside.

So Dadda, who doesn't know da werds, but unnerstands da Sound, opins da Big Back Door.

Well, he barely gets a chance to opin da Screen Door, but Da Dawg shoots out innu an hextplosion ob SNOW. And I DO mean an HEXTPLOSION.

Onna'count obba fakt dat suddenly, dere is SNOW coming in ebberywheres.

And we're not talking da big, fat useless flakes, eidder, we're talking dose small, business-wike flakes ob SNOW dat spell a-c-c-u-m-u-l-a-t-i-o-n when you pile dem all up. And they have been piling uppa'gainst da Back Door all nite long, until they've made a small wall ob SNOW fru which Da Dawg ploughed at High Speeds.

And dere is now wind, too. Lots of wind dat is blowing in frumma same direction as Our Warren's Memorial Window, which is the same direction as the Big Back Door. Which means when the door opens, it's coming directly innu Da Bun Room.

So I'm tail-uppa'gainst-da-pootie-box, yelling, "Shut da Door, Dadda!"

And Missy's shouting, "Shutta'door!" wif her ears standing straight out frum her hed, and Clover's next in line with the snow is blowing all over her and Beebe, who she has tucked unner'neaf ob her elbow, and she's hollering, "Close da door!" While ober in his corner, away frumma draft, Mouse is just calling out on Gen'ral Principles that it's "COLD! COLD! COLD!" and *THUMPING* for all he's worth.

So Dadda, seeing alla dis snow flying and alla dis wind blowing, tries to shutta Big Door, but da Big Door won't shut.

And dis is onna'count obba fakt dat Cokie-da-Fat-Cat had sort ob sidled his way behind Da Dawg and was trying to see whut was happining onna udder side obba door, which is to say, outside where it is SNOWING.

So he's kinda stuck between da Screen Door anna Dig Door and he's getting squeezed by Dadda pushing onna Big Door.

So Dadda reaches down and shubs Cokie outta-da-way anna Cat goes sliding unnerneaf ob Missy and my habbytat and Dadda slams da door.

So.

Dadda says a lotta bad werds and goes off to make a cuppa'tee inna Kitchin.

Well, now da Cat is Upset cos he got pushed outta da way and hadda go sliding. So Missy and I hear a sorta *grunt* anna Fat-Cat marches out frum unner'neaf obba our habbytat and his face is grim, lemme tell you.

And he goes marching along ober da Bun Room floor, and out innu da Kitchin where Dadda has just poured Maman a cuppa'coffee and den poured sum boiling wadder for his cuppa'tee. And just as Dadda is adding in his tee'bag, Cokie-da-Fat-Cat comes marching along, and plops down beside him and sinks his frunt claws innu da tops ob Dadda's bare foots.

Well, Dadda sort ob jumps up and comes down wiffa *THUMP* anna tee'bag goes *PLOP* innu Maman's cuppa'coffee, and there it sits, bobbing around for a minit, while Dadda rubs his foot, while Cokie marches off towards da bedroom.

And Dadda yells, "You BUGGER!"

And Cokie keeps marching, and Maman calls out frumma bedroom, "Who's a bugger?"

And just den, dere's a *FUMP* frum outside obba Back Door, and that's Da Dawg, trying to get back inside.

So Dadda hobbles innu da Bun Room and pulls opin da Back Doors, and in tumbles Da Dawg, and he's cobbered wif SNOW and he's all hextcited and his tongue is hanging out, and he's wagging all ober da place.

"I marked da yard! I marked da yard! It's mine! It's mine! Wanna see? Wanna see?"

And den he shakes, all over.

And Dadda grabs da towel to dry him off, but its too late - ebberyfing is spattered in wet: da floor, da habbytats, da walls, da bunnies, Dadda's feets, Dadda's legs - just ebberyfing.

And now Missy and I are butt-first inna pootie-box, and I got my eyes closed against da snow flying all ober, and Missy has her ears down, trying to keep da flying wadder outta her hed.

And Maman wanders out frumma bedroom innu da Bun Room in her nitegown, wif her bafrobe all wrapped around her, takes a wook outta da Our Warren Memorial Window and says,

"Wook at alla SNOW! Isn't it beautiful?"

---------- By George




Posted by Our Warren at 8:41 AM EST
Thursday, 9 February 2006
George's Second Strand; Day Number Nine
Now Playing: The Great Tommy Tucker Bunderground
Topic: Da Lore

Dis is part obba Lore dat I learned frum me, Hunny, who wassa Oldest (he was thirteen anna half years old!) and Wisest ob alla Bunnies ob Our Warren before he passed away toda Rainbow Bridge a little over a year ago.

Me, Hunny told me as much obba Lore as he thought I could hold, so that I when I grew 'Tellygint, I could pass it along to alla udder bunnies I know, so dat bunnies ebberywhere could know dat we habba Past dat leads us innu da Future, (which is whut me, Hunny sed).

Now I am not Fully 'Tellygint onna'count obba fakt that I am still a Youngbun who is trying to Grow 'Tellygin (because bunnies do not grow old), but I am going to pass along This Part obba Lore, so udders can know it and pass it along, too.

So dis is The Lore: The Great Tommy Tucker Bunderground (as told to me by me, Hunny *Senior Bun* of Our Warren).

Now, Our Auntie Grace is the United States Army-Ob-One Senior Master Bunny Person.

And one day inna Summer when she was in Bis-con-Sin, wearing her Army uniform, she went into a Pet Shop.

Ordinarily, Auntie Grace doesn't go into Pet Shops, because she can't stand to see poor homeless bunnies "For Sale", OnAlone, wiffoud ennybunny to care for, or ennybunny to care for them. It breaks her heart, because she knows that even if she buys alla poor homeless bunnies inna Pet Shop and gives them a home in The Herd, the Evil Pet Shop Owners will just go to Horrible Br**d*rs and buy MORE homeless baby bunnies, taked frum their mawmies and all OnAlone, to sell inna Pet Shops, inna Never-Ending Cycle-of-Misery.

But this day, *Something* made Auntie Grace go innu the Pet Store.

And there, onna shelf, way up high, and almost out of sight, inna teeny, tiny cage, wassa scared little bunny.

And alla way there, crouched onna floor down below, was a little, small student Girl Frum Japan. And she was crying her eyes out and weeping softly, "To-ma-sai! To-ma-sai!" over and over and over into her hands.

Well, Auntie Grace doesn't speak Japanese, but she does speak "Young Girl Crying Her Eyes Out" onna'count obba fact that she has five childrens ob her own. So she grabbed da Evil Pet Store Owner and axt him "Whuttaheck is going on heer?"

And since Auntie Grace is about six foots tall and has red hair anna Army uniform, da Evil Pet Shop Owner had no problems telling her datta Student Girl Frum Japan had brought the bunny dat was inna cage onna high-up shelf in because her landlord had told her she had no choice but to "get rid of it" or else she would hab no place to live.

Well, dat made Auntie Grace mad.

So she went ober toda Student Girl Frum Japan and told her dat she, Auntie Grace, had house-bunnies dat she loved berry much, and dat she would take da Student Girl's bunny and gib him a home wif her bunnies. Sumhow.

Da Student Girl Frum Japan was still crying, but happy tears now, and she was clinging to Auntie Grace's hand and saying "To-ma-sai, To-ma-sai" over and over, and pointing toda bunny onna high-up shelf.

And den Auntie Grace figgered it out: The bunny's name was "Tommy".

The Student Girl Frum Japan finally smiled: Tommy was her First Friend in the United States and she had been crying because she was afraid for her friend.

So Auntie Grace explained as best she could about her own five kids, and about alla bunnies in The Herd and the Girl Frum Japan unnerstood that her First Friend Tommy was going to live in a good home and never be OnAlone again.

But how does sumone wif five kids and ten bunnies find room for anudder bunny inna'partment?

Da Evil Pet Shop Owner didn't ebben let Auntie Grace have the Evil Little Cage dat poor Tommy was inhabiting onna high-up shelf inna Pet Shop.

So wiffa bunny under her arm, Auntie Grace set off in her Army uniform to get stuff to make Tommy a habbytat.

But when she got home there was no room for an extry habbytat! So Auntie Grace, bemembering her promise toda Student Girl Frum Japan, hopped onto the 'puter, on to PetBunny and told Tommy's Story to EbberyBunny there.

And Auntie Laura Tucker said, "I have room for Tommy wiffa BunTuckers!"

And Auntie Grace knew Auntie Laura frum more than just PetBunny, so she said, "Hokay, Laura, let's go!"

But The BunTuckers were in Noo Yawk State, and The Herd was in Bis-Con-Sin - a berry loooooong way and menny, menny miles apart!

So Whut-to-do wif Tommy?

Organise a Bunderground!

Now a Bunderground issa way ob moving bunnies frum one home to anudder. But bunnies don't travel well, and when dey do, most obba time they aren't allowed on airplanes, and even if they are, they have to ride OnAlone which is just too frightening! A bunny can die while travelling.

So Bundergrounds are like a chain of bunny-friendly hoomins who organise and move a bunny from place to place, frum hand to hand, taking care obba bunny like their very own bunny onna bunny's way frum Here to There. It takes time, coordination, munny, anna lotta effort to get it right. And there is no room for errors, because there is only One Chance onna Bunderground to get it right!

So Auntie Grace knew she hadda trip forda United States Army to fly frum Bis-Con-Sin to Washington-DC.

Well, dat would get Tommy fromma MidWest toda East Coast.

And that would be da Furst Part obba Bunderground.

The Second Part would be Auntie Grace getting a car frum sumplace and driving Tommy uppa InnerState to Virginia.

Now Auntie Grace was aware that she was rilly s'sposed to be travelling forda United States Army and dat they might not like alla this flying and driving around forda sake obba bunny, but Auntie Grace has her pri-or-it-tees: life comes furst, and Tommy wassa Life. Her motto is: NoBun Left Behind. So she was just gonna fly and drive Tommy onna Bunderground and den tell abouddit aftawards. (Maman calls dis "fate-akomplee".)

We at Our Warren just call it "smart".

Ennyways, Auntie Jane and Uncle Tom sed they could drive down to Virginia and pick up Tommy frum Auntie Grace and he could stay ober nite at their house, atta JT Warren. Then they would drive Tommy uppa Turnpike.

But sumbun hadda get Tommy atta Harrisburg End Obba Pennsylvania Turnpike.

So Phil-da-Lad frum Our Warren sed he would.

Which was innerestin', Maman sed, onna'count obba fakt that Phil-da-Lad had only just got his license to drive a car and had never driven onna "Northeast Extension" obba "Pennsylvania Turnpike" in his whole life before. And as Maman sed, that wasn't a drive for beginners, not to mention da fakt dat Phil has no "Sense ob Direction" and can't find his backside with both hands and a road-map.

On top ob that, he didn't habba car ob his own.
And he wasn't exactly a member ob PetBunny ennyhows, but was just reading Maman's account and commenting, as ushual.

So, ob course, Maman found out abouddit, and ob course, she said she and Phil-the-Lad would go along onna Bunderground, and they would meet Auntie Jane and Uncle Tom at Harrisburg and drive Tommy up the "Northeast Extension" to meet Auntie Laurie Garner and her husbun atta National Train Museum in Scranton, Pennsylvania, so that Auntie Laurie and her husbun could take Tommy on his way to Auntie Laura anna BunTuckers in Noo Yawk State.

And that is whut happined.

And afta Auntie Laurie Garner and her husbun taked Tommy, they drove him to Auntie Laura Tucker, who drove him BACK to The BunTuckers, which was his Noo Home.

But there was *sumfing* aboudda Great Tommy Tucker Bunderground dat made it dif'frunt frum alla udder Bundergrounds that have ebber taken place or ebber will take place:

Onna day dat Auntie Grace handed Tommy ober to Auntie Jane and Uncle Tom, she dribed backfru Virginia and fru Maryland to Washington-DC. And Auntie Jane and Uncle Tom drove Tommy fru Virginia, and back to Pennsylvania to the JT Warren.

And dat nite, they all went to bed.

And the nextest day was s'sposed to be a REST DAY for Tommy, and for Auntie Grace, and for Auntie Jane and Uncle Tom, and Maman and Phil-the-Lad, and Auntie Laurie Garner and her husbun, and Auntie Laura Tucker and alla The BunTuckers.

And when ebberybun awoke that day, September 11, 2001.

And nothing was ebber da same for ennybunny ebber again again.

And that's Da Lore concerning The Great Tommy Tucker Bunderground.

-------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 2:31 PM EST
Tuesday, 7 February 2006
Goerge's Second Strand; Day Number Seven
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Da Rite Fing...

Uh oh.

Whut a mess!

This is bad, lemme tell you!

Phil-the-Lad and Alanna, his almost bond-mate, came to Our Warren again the udder day, and this time they brought a Cat wif them.

Now, this would not bodder Our Warren assa rool, onna'count obba fakt dat Belinda Bunny and me, Hunny hab sed, a long, long time ago, so that it is inna Lore for ebberybunny to Bemember: Alla Us Togedder, NoBunny OnAlone!

And Belinda blogged about this, and I have, too, so ebberybunny knows Whut Ebbery Werd Ob This Means To Alla Us Togedder at Our Warren.

Now, we heer at Our Warren already gots two Catz (which are not our fault. Beffy, who is Our Sistah leebed them with us a long time ago to live heer): Cokie-da-Fat-Cat who issa Leader Ob Our Chowda, and Beeb who issa nice, quiet, Senior gurl-cat, anna udder Member ob Our Chowda.

Two Catz is Enuf for Ebberybunny, inklooding Da Dawg who is not a Cat, but who spends a lot ob time herding Catz around the House, frum this room to that room. Because Herding is his Job, and Border Collies hab to hab A Job, and this is his.

Cokie can't be herded, ob course, onna'count obba fakt that he is very BIG, and IMPORTANT and just generally In Charge Ob Ebberyfing, and hassa habit ob NOT LISTENING to ennybunny 'cept Dadda, and that only whin he feels like it.

Beep, onna-udder-paw, is quiet, likes to be herded, and complains to Dadda whenebber Da Dawg is outside inna Back Garden. Dadda finks she likes Da Dawg to herd her because she is not-so-big as Cokie, and she uses Da Dawg assa shield so she can get her share obba food, sunbeams and udder stuff dat Catz like, but don't tend to share.

So.

Phil-da-Lad brings this Noo Cat with him and Alanna. The Noo Cat has been heer before, and she is tiny and young and her name is Munchkin, only Maman calls her Mischief onna'count obba fakt dat she is causing SO MUCH TRUBBLE!

It is ALL onna'count obba fakt dat Munchkin/Mischief doesn't like Beep, and she doesn't like Da Dawg and she doesn't like Cokie-da-Fat-Cat. She doesn't like it that in Our Warren THEY are the Cats Who Are Heer Furst and She Is Not.

And I don't fink she ebben likes Bunnies, eidder.

Mebbe she just doesn't like ennyfing, inclooding herself.

I dunno.

Ennyways....

She (Munchkin/Mischief) came innu da Bun Room Last Nite saying dat Beep was piking on her.

And I'm finking, "Beep?"

And Missy is, wike, "Oh Yeah?"

And so Munchkin/Mischief says, "Yeah. I was being a Good Cat, and just like allus that back-stabbing BEEP comes up and gets me in trubble!"

And Missy's ears start going up, onna'count ob she's starting to fink she's going to Disapprove. And Missy says, "How'd Dat happin?"

And Munchkin/Mischief says, "Dat BEEP said I ate alla her food."

And Missy's ears went up some more, and she axts, "Well, did you eat alla her food?"

And Munchkin/Mischief says, "Well, you see, when I was inna shelter there wasn't ebber enuf to eat, so I learned that I had to eat as much as I could, because, you see, I'm a 'peshul DWARF KITTY but nokitty realised it, but I needed alla food before the others took it. So of course, I had to had to eat it as soon as I saw it. I tried to apologise to that Beep-Cat, but she just looked at me, blinked and said she understood and THEN SHE WALKED AWAY LIKE SHE DIDN'T CARE! But of course she doesn't unnerstand ennyfing AT ALL because she's just high-class, rich, common, *lucky* cat and not a DWARF CAT like I am! And it's so TERRYBUL to be unforgiven and to allus be blamed like that and all for just being ME!"

And I'm like, well, you know, feeling bad that a cat hasta feel bad, cos NOBUNNY in Our Warren should feel that they are OnAlone! (Belinda Bunny teached me that!)

So I says, "Well, Beep issa preddy cat, and she has been heer a long time. And she is very kind. Meebe you can get along wif her."

And Munchkin/Mischief says, "Oh but I tried! I tried! And she is nice to your face and then just turns around and tells Maman she has No Food! You don't know Beep! I'm the nicest cat I know, and the peacefullest cat I know, and the prettiest cat I know! Why, inna shelter, ebbery hoomin wanted to 'dopt me, onna'count obba fakt dat I amma DWARF CAT and am SPECIAL, but Beep just doesn't SEE that, does she? She isn't ennyfing SPECIAL herself, but I amma SPECIAL Dwarf Cat that ebbery hoomin wants to own. There are just so few ob us inna werld and ebbery hoomin wants one."

And I says, "Ebberybunny's 'peshul. That's whut makes us all equal."

And Munchkin/Mischief wooks at me and narrows her eyes and says, "Well Some of us cats are MORE EQUAL than udders!. And that Beep Cat is just HORRYBUL, going and telling Maman that she has no food!"

And Ms CloverBun looks over and says, "If you're so extry 'peshul onna'count obba fakt dat you are this 'speshul 'Dwarf Cat' that ebbery hoomin wants, then how come you were inna shelter inna furst place?"

And Munchkin/Mischief looks at Ms Clover and yeowls, "You're on Beep's side! I've had da hardest life! I was abandoned, and inna shelter, but I'm a VERY RARE KITTY! You just don't unnerstand!"

And I was trying to show her dat I unnerstood and all, so I started to tell her about how I was left inna box atta V-E-Ts, but Munchkin/Mischief didn't gimme time. She just went on-and-on:

"Nobunny unnerstands how hard it is to be small, and rare and 'peshul, and how hard it is to nebber fit in ennywheres! And Beep is such a fat, old, common Calico kitty who finks says she has this and that, but she doesn't tell whut she is like *I* do! And she's heer with alla her stuff and privilages and she's picking on me! And she'll pick on you, too!"

And Ms Clover is, like, *snort*, "Whut? Nobunny picks on bunnies heer! Bunnies rool."

"She will!" Yells Munchkin/Mischief. "She will! And she'll attack you behind your back. Just like George does in his Blog!"

And suddenly, ebberybunny's looking at ME.

And I'm like, whutdaheck?

Anna Dawg is looking at me and he's like, "Whoa, George! Is you 'tacking me?"

And so I'm, like, "Whoa."

And Cokie-da-Fat-Cat comes ambling in, cos that's how he walks, and he says, "George, whut hab you been doing behind backs?"

And I'm like, "I just type about Our Warren."

"Onna'count ob why?" Axts MissyBun, and now her ears are rilly standing out, and she's looking rilly like a Disapproving Rabbit. "Are you telling fings about me?"

So, wike, whut can I say? Of course I am telling about MissyBun, onna'count ob she is My Big, Bee-You-Tee-Ful Wife-Bun, and she issa Big Part ob Our Warren.

But her ears is standing out frum her hed, and she's got her Disapproving Rabbit Look on.

And I know I am in Big Trubble Now. And I habbin't ebben done ennyfing Wrong.

It's just dat Munchkin/Mischief has sort ob put da thought in ebberybunny's hed, and now is walking around and around, purring.

Anna Dawg says, "Are you rilly, rilly typin' behind our backs?"

And I'm like, Whutdaheck?

Ebberybunny knows I type inna Blog. Ebberybunny has knowed aboudda The Hay Diaries ebber since Belinda Bunny became the Furst Rabbit Ebber to habba Personal OnLine Diary ob her very own. And I thought dey bemembered that when Belinda went toda Rainbow Bridge, and nobunny wanted to continue inna diary Belinda pioneered, dat I stepped forward becos nobunny else wuld and just "did it".

Not onna'count ob *I* wanted ennyfing, 'cept to do whut wassa Rite Fing.

So I go innu a corner obba pootie box to fink aboud how alla this stuff got so screwed up in so short a time, just by Munchkin/Mischief showing up and start talking about herself.

And whut I fink is dis: Memory issa berry short fing, and mainly made up ob what udders want to be bemembered, and not whut rilly happins.

And Munchkin/Mischief says, "Mebbe sumbun else shuld take ober dat blog. I *wuld* but I wuld be told not to cos I amma Cat."

And Mouse says, "Well, I wouldn't want to make George feel bad, but I suppose I could take over The Hay Diaries if you all feel he's doing such a not-so-good job with his typing and can't be trusted."

And I'm finking, I didn't wanna hab dis Blog inna beginning, but I kinda hab grown to like it. Maman says I'm good at blogging, even if she doesn't allus let me have the 'puter when I need it. And now, suddenly, somefing nobun wanted, somebun else wants taken away.

And trust me? Since when can't I be trusted? And now I'm feeling sad. Not angry, just sad.

And OnAlone.

Figgers.

Whut Rilly Happins is whut's called HISTORY and it goes innu Da Lore, and only a few rilly, rilly ebber care about Da Lore, me, Hunny told me. But he also sed dat sumbun hasta keep Da Lore so dat sumday,

"The Troof will win out."

Mebbe.

And just then, Beep came through, like she ushually does, rilly quiet, not saying much, looking for hay.

Anna Dawg, following her on rilly close says, "No Catz Inna Bun Room!"

And Beeb says, rilly quiet-like, "Hey, ebberybun! Hullo bunnies! Hullo, Dawg! Can't stay, gotta go!"

And just like dat, she was gone.

And unlike Beep Munchkin/Mischief is still inna Bun Room, purring away.

And afta a minute Mouse says to ebberybun, "Well, you know, Beep doesn't Frunt. She's REAL and did ennybunny notice? She just came innu heer to say "Hullo" - she didn't come heer to talk about herself or to complain about sumbun else, or to say stuff dat (when you fink about it) is rilly stoopit, wike, 'I Amma Dwarf Cat' or 'George can't be trusted.'"

And he looks at Munchkin/Mischief.

And den Missy's ears starts going down and she starts looking more like Missy and less like she's gonna take off and fly, and she says to me,

"Well, you hab been typin' Belinda's Blog for awhile now. We allus knowed this, and not cos you talks about it, but onna'count of we knows it. We know whut you are and who you are, and we know where you come frum, ebben though you aren't allus beminding us."

"And," chimes in Ms Clover, "He can't be typin' beind our backs if we can be reading it right in frunt ob our eyes."

"So how," Axts Beebe, "Can sumbun who is doing the Rite Fing hab so menny udders belieb da Wrong Stuff about them?"

"Dis didn't hab to happin." Says Ms Clover. "It's Stoopit anna waste ob time."

And Missy wooks at Munchkin/Mischief and her ears go up and stand out straight frum her hed, so she has on her Disapproving Rabbit Look and she says, "It's easy - it's onna'count obba fakt dat somebun Frunts. Somebun Lies. AND that somebun issa CAT!"

And me, who is sitting ober onna pootie box, well, I'm finking ob dis Buk that Maman and I read togedder inna Sitting Room. And In This Buk (by this guy named "Terry Pratchett") it says:

"A Lie can race around the world seven times before the Truth can even pull its boots on."

------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:59 AM EST
Monday, 6 February 2006
George's Second Strand; Day Number Six
Now Playing: Disapproving Rabbits

Well, Maman and I hadda long talk.

Seems there is gonna be a Pet Sitter in Our Warren's future.

Maman says this is necessary onna'count ob Belinda Bunny, so I guess it's going to be Hokay, but I am not sure.

It seems to me that there are a lotta fings that are "onna'count ob Belinda Bunny", you know?

The whole reason there issa camera dat was boughted.
The whole reason why there issa whole "Blog" fing.
The whole reason why Dadda and Maman bringed me home frumma vet's.
The whole reason why we're gonna hab Pet Sitters, mebbe...

I just don't get it.

But if that's why, then I don't see how I can mind.

Cos good fings seem to come frum Belinda Bunny habbin' been heer, but she sure wassa High Intensity Rabbit.

Dadda sed last nite dat Belinda Disapproved ob Ebberyfing. Where Missy finks about stuff and den Disapproves, Belinda would just give a "look" and he kinda knew she Disapproved On Principle. Belinda didn't even hab to fink abouddit, she would just gib him dat "Look" and he knew, right there and then, that she wassa Disapproving Rabbit.

Onna udder paw, Missy hears sumfing, den sits like a hen, and then her ears begin to rise, furst one ear, then the other. Dadda says that you can get knocked ober inna breeze that Missy raises when she finks, whut wif her ears waving up-and-down. And when she finally gets her ears to be standing out straight, well, then you can see its dawned on her to be a Disapproving Rabbit.

Maman says that ebberybun should habba Disapproving Rabbit in their lives to keep them honest.

So I looked around this morning for something to Disapprove of. I fink it must be part ob Growing 'Tellygint, you know?

Belinda wassa very 'Tellygint Rabbit, and she Disapproved of Ebberyfing, so I need to find fings to Disapprove Of.

Well, I find that I Disapproved obba Catz for a few minutes.
And then I Disapproved obba Dawg for a second there when he went outta Back Door Innu Da Gardin and let in Cold Air.
I probably didn't Disapprove ob my Meddysin enough, but that was because I gotta lotta pets and Maman kissed my nose and I got cuddles, and told whut a Good George I am. (And this is TROO - I am a VERY Good George!)

But that's all I can find!

I mean, there's nothing left for me to Disapprove Of.

I don't know where Belinda found alla stuff to Disapprove Of!

Mebbe I just need to grow more 'Tellygint.

Missy is preddy sure that when I grow more 'Tellygint, I'll find lots more fings about which to Disapprove. She says its hard, and that's why she hasta flap her ears and fink so much, dat you just don't become a Disapproving Rabbit wike Belinda Bunny overnight; you gotta WERK at it.

But Alla Us Togedder heer at Our Warren agree: this Pet Sitter fing has possibilities.

We could, Alla Us Togedder, get rily Disapproving over this one!

-------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 8:36 AM EST
Sunday, 5 February 2006
George's Second Strand, Day Number 5
Now Playing: SNEEZLES! Meddysin!

Whoa!

And I rilly, rilly mean, WHOA!

Maman taked Beebe to see Doctor Sharin onna'count obba fakt dat he hassa sneezles.

Yeah.

He sits inna Habbytat and onna'count ob nuffin', he starts to sneeze, and he sorta bounces up-and-down, and blows backward and stuff, and sometimes this sorta mess comes outta his nose.

And then Clover rushes over and cleans him up.

It's whut she does, onna'count ob her being his bonded-wife-bun and the fakt that she issa neat-freak. Beebe-Bunny is wunna da cleenest bunnies on earth, lemme tell you!

So Maman and Dadda were upset aboud Beebe habbin' these sneezles and they taked him to see Doctor Sharin.

Now Doctor Sharin usta habba office that was rilly, rilly close to Our Warren.

And then she didn't.

And now we hafta ride a long time inna carrier inna car in order to get there.

Missy says it is horrybul: Dadda says bad werds and Maman tells Dadda dat he is following udder cars too close, and then Dadda tells Maman that she hasta not tell him aboud stuff wike dat ennymores!, and then they gets lost, and Dadda gets cranky and Maman gets cranky and they drink wadder outta boddles and keep yelling innu da back seat to MissyBun, hollaring, "It's hokay, MissyBun!" while she's back inna carrier rockin' and rollin' and trying to hold on while Dadda's busy geddin' lost.

And then they get to Doctor Sharin's.

And Beebe sed it wassa same whole fing wif him, too, and in fakt, if he haddn't known enny bedder, he'd hab sed that it was just the same trip inna car that Hunny and Belinda had told him about, that was to go to see Doktor Doolen atta Bunny Hospiddle!

And Clover sed, Yeah, That's Whut It Sounded Like To Her, Too.

But only she and Beebe and Missy are rilly old enuf to bemember Belinda and Hunny talkin' aboud going to see Doktor Doolen atta Bunny Hospiddle, and now that has passed on innnu Da Lore and I will have to learn alla'bout it.

So, ennyways, Doctor Sharin gave Beebe dis meddysin inna bottle called Baytril. And he hasta take it ebbery morning and ebbry nite.

So ebbery morning, and ebbery nite, Dadda hauls Beebe outta his and Clover's habbytat and Beebe dissapears innu da Kitchin.

And Beebe says Dadda sets him onna towel and den Maman squirts dis meddysin innu his mouf, and down his throat.

And he hasta swallow.

And it tastes BAD.

But Maman and Dadda, being Maman and Dadda, and being kind along wif being magnifisintly stoopit, try to shuv a raisin treat innu his mouf onna'count ob Beebe habbin' been such a Good Boy about *taking his meddysin*.

Hokay.

So you know dis isn't werking.

Well, ennyway.

Den da udder day, I was just sitting, and habbing a doze, and suddinly, alla'sudden, outta nowhere, comes this humongus sneeze!

And I bounce up inna-air, and Missy is wike, "Whutdaheckissamattawifyou?" and I blink, and wook-out, here-comes-anudder-one!

And den its like, I can't stop!

And I'm sneezing and bouncing and sneezing and bouncing and sneezing and bouncing and-sneezing-and-bouncing-and-oh-good-grif!-here-comes-Maman!

Well, you know, that did it.

Nextest fing I know, Maman's gotta tellyfone and she's saying, "Hello, Doctor Sharin?"

So that nite, Dadda went somewheres and came back with this boddle that said, "George Harper, Bunny" on it and just-like-that, I had my very own boddle of meddysin!

And I discovered whut happins inna kitchin, too, when Dadda piks you up, like Beebe, and takes you in there and sets you onna towel.

They clip your toenails!

Then Dadda holds you, and Maman pokes dis fing in your mouf, and den there's this awful-tasting stuff in your mouf that you gotta swallow and then Maman (get this!) tries to stuff a raisin innu your mouf!

She says Hunny usta "always lub to pouch his raisins afta his meddysin."

Yeah.

Well, dat's as may be, and dat's Hunny because it sure isn't George!

How menny times do I gotta tell her, "I don't want enny stoopit raisins!"?

Cos I don't.

And my sneezles are gone, by-da-way.

And I don't need enny more meddysin.

And I'm NOT me,Hunny!

I'm me, George and I'm geddin' rilly tired ob dis stuff!

--------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 2:14 PM EST
Friday, 27 January 2006
Geroge's 1st Strand; Day Number 27
Now Playing: Snap Outta It!

HooBoy!

Maman is sik.

Dis is BAD! Lemme tell you!

Yeah.

Because Furst of all, she has a fever.
Second of all, she has aches.
Third of all, she can't consentrate.
Forth of all, she is TOO COLD
Fifth of all, she is TOO HOT
Sixth of all, she is complaining.
And Seventh of all, she and Dadda can't seem to figger out whutsamatta.

We thought they were smarter den this.

Rilly.

Missy and I knew on Tuesday nite dat sumfing was the matter with Maman. She was just miserable, but a whole lot more than normal.

And I sed to Missy dat Maman was cranky, and Missy sed, So?

And I sed, well, yeah, I only had got ONE pet the whole day and that wasn't Rite.

And Missy hadda fink and realised that I was right: we had only had ONE pet the whole day and Maman was acting stoopit and weird.

By Wednesday, she was acting RILLY weird and stayed in bed.

As Missy sed, someone should hold her down and give her Baytril, because it might be a good idea.

But no, Maman went right along the whole day, free to walk around the Houz in her Bafrobe and Sympathy Slippers.

And Dadda said she had "The Flu".

Yeah.

Well, we heer at Our Warren, realised that we had to go innu SURVIVAL MODE:

Mouse has not seen "Law & Order" in three days.
Cokie-da-Fat-Cat was caught sitting onna Bed.
Beep-da-Cat is eating Our Hay onna floor obba Bun Room.
Our Raisin Time is LATE.
Da Dawg says a Basset Hound has moved in nextest door. (I am not sure why this matters, but Da Dawg said it does, so I'm typing it.)

And Dadda is bringing meddysin, and making tea, turning uppa heat and axting Maman if she's "Hokay", which she isn't.

Onna'count of the fakt that she has "The Flu".

Which kind of makes you wonder why he keeps axting, since the answer isn't changing, and Maman keeps shuffling through the Houz in her Sympathy Slippers, dropping cups off inna sink and axting US why she feels so bad.

It's like, you know, How menny times do you gotta axt the same fing before you figger it out?

"IT'S 'THE FLU'!"

Whutebber dat is.

But Maman has it and as Missy has noted, its messing up our lives.

Now if we can just get dat point across to Maman and Dadda before they fortyget and come back, axting us again...

Maman has got "The Flu"!

Yeah.

Now.

We have established dat point, hokay? So let's find a way to get her to snap outta it!

Because fings around heer aren't looking so good.

-----------By George

Posted by Our Warren at 10:12 AM EST
Monday, 9 January 2006
George's 1st Strand; Day Numbur 9
Now Playing: Nobunny's Sleeping At Our Warren...

I am being yelled at.

Yeah.

MissyBun has been yelling at me since all last nite! And she's still at it.

Can you believe this stuff?

It's been terrybul, lemme tell you! So terrybul dat it kept Alla Us Togedder heer inna Bun Room anna rest ob Our Warren inclooding Maman and Dadda anna Dawg, awake all last nite.

And it's All Maman's and Dadda's FAULT, too!

I had nuffing to do wif dis!

But I got blamed.

Butta WERST PAWT is dat it is NEBBERgonna stop until Dadda geds himself back frumma pet store anna Bank anna rest ob his errands and he hassn't ebben left yet inna car to ged stawted onna errands yet!

Dis is NOT FAIR!

Lemme tell you...

Yestidday aftanoon, Dadda comed innu da Bun Room and he hassa wook at us and says to Maman (who is inna Kitchin):

"Wookit, you wanted to clean outta bunnies, so wet's do it now while we still can go outside onna nice day. I'll put Stoopit out."

So he opins uppa Back Door toda Back Gardin and IN comes sum not-too-cold-air and OUT goes Da Dawg at high speeds cos he finks he is chasing squirrels or sumfing.

Den Dadda opins uppa habbytats and stawts taking outta pooties pans.

And he takes da pootie pans outta Back Door, dumps dem sumwheres and brings dem back inside to Maman who hassa big jug ob Vinny-gar anna sink fulla Suds.

And Maman fills uppa pootie pans wif Vinny-gar, and den scrubs dem wif Scrubby Stuff and her green Scrubby Fing and den washes dem off inna Suds inna sink, and den sprays dem wif wadder. Den she gibs da pootie pans to Dadda and he wipes dem off wiffa Kitchin Roll Paper Towels.

And while dis produkshun is going on, MissyBun says to me, "Whoa. Dis issn't just cleaning uppa pootie pans, dis is RILLY Cleaning Uppa Pootie Pans! Byda time we gets dem back, dey will hab NO SMELL."

Well, NO SMELL is sumfing obba problem when you are a bunny. Fings hab got to hab SMELL so you know dat dey belong to you. Dis is a major reason why bunnies pee on fings, so dat dey habba SMELL. Dis is also why we gwoom and rub our chins on stuff - so dat dey also hab SMELL and we know which bunny fings belong to.

Bunnies fink wif dere noses, you know?

Fings dat hab NO SMELL are not owned, and inna Bunny Werld, fings hab to be owned.

Mainly by us.

Personally.

And RILLY impawtant fings, wike pootie pans where your most impawtant fings, wike your most smelliest, most personal fings, wike pooties, hab to hab da most SMELL ob all. So when Maman takes away alla SMELL wif sumfing wike Vinney-gar, well, you can see how dis issa berry, berry, BERRY serrius matter.

So we each has got our own pootie pan inna habbytats.

Dere issa pootie pan for Missy.
Dere issa pootie pan for George.
Dere issa pootie pan for Beebe.
Dere issa pootie pan for Clover.
And dere issa pootie pan for Mr Mouse.

And if you don't rely on SMELL (becoms you are NOT a bunny) den you can identyfy dem wike dis:
Missy's pootie pan is purple and has mostly alla corners on it ('cept where Missy has grabbed it to toss it).
George's pootie pan is bloo and has two outta three corners (I ged bored easily).
Mr Mouse's pootie pan is bloo and hass frunt lip chewed off (Mouse has "anger isshoos", Maman says).
Clover's pootie pan is violet and has alla corners on it (she issa berry neat and tidy housebunny).
Beebe's pootie pan is bloo and is missing two outta three corners (Maman says Beebe just has "isshoos".)

So Dadda is bringing Maman da pootie pans and she is Scrubbing dem so dat dey hab NO SMELL, and den gibbing dem back to Dadda so he can fill dem wif stuff called "Yestidday's Noos" and gib dem back to us in our Habbytats.

And he gibs back Clover's pootie pan.
And he gibs back Mr Mouse's pootie pan.
And he gibs back Missy's pootie pan.
And he gibs back Beebe's pan and my pan - only sumfings wrong wif Beebe's pootie pan and my pootie pan.

Our pootie pans still got SMELL.

Too dang much SMELL.

In fact, dey STINKS

And Dadda says to Maman, "We'll hab to get George and Beebe tomorry, onna'count ob we hab run outta 'Yestidday's Noos'. I'll get anudder bag atta pet store cos I hab to go rite by dere onna way toda Bank. It won't be a Problem."

And I'm finking, "Problem for whom?"

Cos rite aboud now, I gotta BIG problem: MissyBun and I gots ONE pootie pan wif NO SMELL and one wif GEORGE SMELL.

And dis issn't rite.

But my pootie pan issn't cleen. In fakt, it STINKS. Not as much as Missy's stinked bifore Maman and Dadda cleened it out, cos I can't stink uppa pootie pan da way Missy can. (Whin it comes to producing pooties, Dadda says "Nobunny can beat Our Missy for converting hay innu pooties!" and dis is mainly troo, becos Our MissyBun is wun, big, be-yoo-ti-ful bunny gurl ob gen-er-us pro-por-shuns.)

Nuffin can stink quite da way Missy's pootie pan stinks and nobun can fill uppa pootie pan in as short a time as she can, lemme tell you! So my pootie pan didn't stink anywheres near as much as her pootie pan, but still, whin you compare my pootie-pan-not-cleaned to Missy's pootie-pan-clean, well, her pootie-pan-clean beated at heck outta mine.

So I hopped innu Missy's clean pootie pan and marked it.

And now it had SMELL.

Well, I was preddy content wif dat, but Missy just about lost her mind.

She was innu dat pootie pan wike a shot, peeing and pootying for all she was worf.

Anna whole time, she's yelling: "How dare you? How DARE YOU!"

And I'm wike, "Wookit, it had NO SMELL, so I gab it sum."

"But it's not MY SMELL! It's gotta hab MISSY SMELL!"

And I'm wike, well, you know, mistyfied, onna'count obba fact dat dis is OUR habbytat, and nobun else's, and it has OUR pootie pans innit, and nobun else's, and I don't see whutsa problem heer, you know? just onna'count ob bof pootie pans smelling ob GEORGE SMELL. Afta all, I lib heer, too.

But NO, MissyBun is habbin' a fit.

So she's innu da pootie pan whin Maman and Dadda come around wiffa hay anna food at nite, just bifore Bedtime, and she does come out obbit to ged her share obba Raisins (who wouldn't?), but she goes rite back innu da pootie pan as soon as she's grabbed as menny raisins as she can (inclooding dose dat she's grabbed outta my mouf!).

And Maman and Dadda turn offa Bun Room Light and say, "Nite, Bunnies!" and they turn offa Bun Room Light along wiffa lights inna rest obba house, and calla Dawg innu dere bedroom where Dadda has put down blankies soda Dawg hassa soft place to sleep onna'count obba Dawg also habbin' Arthuritis, wike Maman, only not so bad (he just limps a liddle; she falls ober and Dadda hasta pik her up) and dey go to bed so dey can sleep.

So ennyways, it geds preddy quiet inna house.

So I don't wanna go back in my pootie pan onna'count ob its not cleen, so I ged innu Missy's pootie pan wif her, cos it has GEORGE SMELL onnit, afta all.

And don'tcha know it?

Missy *FUMPS* wif her big back paddle-feets and becos I am smaller den she is and wedged in ennywheres, I bounce up inna air!

And just as my butt lands back inna pootie-pan, *FUMP*! - she does it again!

So I'm inna pootie pan, going upanddown for no partickular reason, 'cept dat Missy is mad aboud me being dere, and heer comes Maman in her white nitegown, wooking wike sum ghost-frum-Christmus-yet-to-come inna moonlight, axting, "Whuttsamatta wif my bunnies?"

And Mr Mouse takes wun wook at Maman and *FUMPS* cos he doesn't rekonize her wooking wike dis ghost wif her wong hair floating allaround. And just becos Mouse *FUMPS*, Clover *FUMPS* and dere goes Beebe up inna air, cos Clover has great big paddle-feets and da Beeb issa small-sized bunny compared to Clover.

And Beebe is wike, "YO! WHUTTAHECK?"

So Maman opins uppa habbytats and pets us all, inclooding me in Missy's pootie pan dat smells wike me, George.

Den she closes da habbytats and says, "Nite, Bunnies." and goes off to her and Dadda's bedroom.

And ebberyfing is all quiet for a minit, until Missy wooks ober and sees I'm still inna her pootie pan wif her.

So she lets out an ebben bigger *FUMMP* and I go flying sideways, outta da pootie pan and ends up onna habbytat floor. So I scrabble to my feets and try to ged back innu da pootie pan, but she's clogging uppa whole fing wif her big back end.

Well dis is whut she usta do whin I was a Widdle Babby Bunny and I did sumfing she didn't wike. She wuld chase me back innu my habbytat frum hers and den clog uppa hole I had chewed wif her big butt so I culdn't ged back innu her habbytat.

But I was a Widdle Babby Bunny den and I am not a Widdle Babby now.

Howebber, I am not stoopit.

So I left her a few "calling cards" inna frunt ob her pootie pan.

And she stuck her nose unner'neaf ob me, threw her hed back and tried a toss!

Well, lemme tell you, I am NOT a widdle babby bunny! She mite hab knocked me ober, but she didn't toss me.

So I scrambled to my feets, and Clover started to *FUMP* again.

And dis time, Dadda comed out innu da Bun Room and snaped onna light.

And cos we're all blinded byda bright light, we're just standing dere, blinking.

And Dadda says, "Whutsamatta wif you buggers?"

But we're just standing dere.

So he goes ober toda counter inna Kitchen, and puts wadder innu his tea-kettle and wooks around for a sekund, den geds sum bread frumm baskit Maman has onna conter nextest toda stove fing. And den he comes out innu da Bun Room again, and goes toda Big White Box and reaches in to ged dis block ob "cheese" stuff, and says to us:

"I'm feeling peckish alla a suddin. Dis is your fault."

And while we're trying to werk dat wun out, he says toda Dawg:

"Lookit, same bargin as bifore: I gib you a biscuit, you let me eat dis in peace."

Anna Dawg, who wasn't expecting ennyfing inna furst place, but was fulla hope aboudda cheese, cocks his hed on one side and says,

"Hokay!"

And eats da biscuit dat Dadda gibs to him and keeps on hoping aboudda cheese, cos Dawgs don't "do" bargins. At least, dats whutta Dawg says.

Den, just as Dadda goes to puttaway da cheese inna Big White Box, da Dawg prances ober toda Back Door and axts to go out innu da Back Gardin - cos ebbery time he eats sumfing, Dadda has trained him to axt to go outside, only Dadda doesn't realise he's trained da Dawg to do dis; he finks itssa Dawg's idea.

So Dadda unlocks da Back Door and IN comes a *whoosh* ob cold air (cos its deeps nite by now) and OUT goes Da Dawg (who doesn't rilly hab to go, but is doing dis cos he finks he hasta).

And Dadda goes back innu da bedroom.

So I go and rustle fru da hay, but Missy is so mad dat she starts tossing alla toys around inna habbytat. And dere is wun BIG toy dat makes a wotta noise. It has bells in, and so not only does it *bang* when its tossed, it *clangs*.

And preddy soon, we hear Dadda say a "Bad Werd" inna bedroom, and den we hear Maman say:

"Well you left Da Dawg outside."

And Dadda says, "No, Sweetheart, I'll ged him. I dunno why he allus hasta go out afta he eats."

And Maman says, "Nebber mind, dearest, da bunnies are making an uproar, so I'll getta Dawg."

And den bof ob dem pads out innu da Bun Room - Dadda in his bare feets and Maman wike da ghost-ob-Christmas-yet-to-come wif her white nite-gown and wong hair (and her balance isn't good, cos she's sort ob bouncing gently offa ebberyfing wike a pinball going slow).

So Dadda opins da Back Door and IN comes a *whoosh* ob cold air and INcomes Da Dawg (who was just sitting onna BackSteps, admiring da nite, and wondering whuttaheck he was doing out dere ennyways).

Anna Dawg snuffles Missy on his way by, and dat just makes her madder den she alreddy is, so she climbs innu da pootie pan and she's glaring wif her ears stuck out and her hed up inna air. So I try to ged innu da pootie pan wif her, but dere is her big butt taking up alla room again!

And Maman says to Dadda,

You know, I fink we've gotta problem."

And Dadda wooks around da Bun Room and den atta Dawg who has gone on fru da Bun Room and stopped atta Biscuit Cupboard inna Kitchin wiffa wook ob Hope written all ober his Collie-face, and Dadda says to Maman:

"Yeah, we got six obb'em. Whut's your point?"

And Maman says, "No, I fink dat we shuld hab cleaned out George's pootie pan when we cleaned out Missy's."

And Dadda says, "Well he'll just have to wait until I go toda pet store inna morning. We ran outta litter. We'll do his tomorry."

But Maman is wookin in our habbytat and she can see Missy okkypying da pootie pan and me sittin nextest to it, crammed in between Missy's clean pootie pan dat hassa GEORGE SMELL on it, and my not-clean pootie pan dat has too much GEORGE SMELL on it.

And Maman says, "I don't fink George can hold it dat long."

And Dadda comes ober to wook, too, and he sees Missy inna pootie pan and me not in it, and he points to MissyBun and says,

"Wook at dat fat bugalugs."

And Missy's hed comes up ebben furder and she glares at Dadda and snaps, "Who you calling 'bugalugs, pal?"

And Dadda adds, "Wook at her taking up alla space. Wike Prachett says, 'Dere is room atta top, and Missy is occupying alla it'."

And Missy brings bof ob her paddle-feets down hard inna pootie pan, and dere is dis shower ob 'Yestiday's Noos" dat comes flying up and goes all ober da pwace.

And Maman reaches in and pets me, and gibs me a cuddle and says,

"My poor widdle George. He doesn't have a pan to pee in!"

-------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:48 AM EST
Saturday, 7 January 2006
Geroge's 1st Strand; Day Number 7
Now Playing: Whole Lotta Talking

I hab noticed that there is berry widdle communnykayshun around heer.

Now when I say that, whut I meen is dat dere issa whole wotta talking going on but berry widdle inna way ob troo communnykayshun.

For hextample:

Maman talks to us a great deal.

She comes innu da Bun Room inna morning, wiffa Dawg prancing behind her, and ebben bifore she snaps uppa windershade, she's talking to us:

"And how are my bunnies today? How is everybun? How's my Clover? And my Beebe-Boy? And how's Mouse-ums? And MissyBun? And Georgie-Porgy? All my bunnies all right? Alla bunnies happy?"

And den *snap* - she yanks on dat windershade and it rolls up inna instant, and *whallop* we gedda burst ob sunshine dat wuld blind a sun-seeking lizzard.

And becos we know whut comes nextest, Missy hollars out:

"Don'tchu opin dat door! Don't do it! Ebben iffa Dawg says, don't you DARE opin dat door! It's COLD outside!"

But Maman's all-reddy on to her next bit ob patter:

"Hokay bunnies, hold on! I'm going to let the Doggie out! Marcus has gotta go chase the squirrels, doesn't he? Can't have squirrels in Marc's garden, can we, Marcus?"

Anna Dawg is dancin' around wike an idiot, yellin:

"NO SQUIRRELS! NO SQUIRRELS! MARC's A GOOD BOY! MARC's A GOOD BOY! GOOD BOY, MARC!"

Which is preddy much all he CAN do afta Maman geds him wound up and hextcited wike dat.

And Missy is inna habbytat shoutin, "Don'tchu opin dat door, Wady! You hear me? Don'tchu you DARE opin dat door!" wif her ears standing out frum her hed atta ninety-degree angle, and her hed right up inna air, and her nose twitching twenty-wun toda dozzen.

Becos Missy is one Disapproving Rabbit!

I meen, we're talking "Indignant Bunny", right heer, lemme tell you.

Anna Dawg is standing unner-neaf ob Missy in her habbytat which is nextest toda door, and Missy's kicking pooties down on his hed.

And he doesn't ebben notise.

And Maman is still trying to unlock da Back Door.

Ob course da Dawg issn't rilly ackchully finking aboud squirrels inna Gardin, cos he's not yelling aboud dem atta moment. Whut he's ackchully yelling aboud is:

"GOTTA GO! GOOTA GO! OPIN UPPA DA DOOR AND LEMME OUT! GOTTA GO! GOTTA GO!"

And he's hopping around wif his paws crossed.

Which is a preddy good trick, lemme tell you.

And Missy is yelling:

"DON'T OPIN DAT DOOR! DON'TCHU DARE OPIN DAT DOOR!" while she's sitting wif her butt inna pootie-box and kicking pooties out frumma box on toda Dawg's hed.

And Maman is just adding toda noise saying,

"Whosa good boy? Maman's Markie? Okay, okay, go chase the squirrels, Marc! Here we go - Let me get another hand on this door...and twist and pull...and pull...and the door is stuck...and back up, Marc!... and pull and...uh oh, maybe I need to call Dadda..."

And heer comes Cokie-da-Fat-Cat and he's talking, too.

"Food! Outta food heer! Starving cat!"

And he walks up unner'neaf obba Dawg, right unner Maman's feets, onto her slippers, sort ob nailing her toda Bun Room floor onna'count obba fakt dat he's so hebby and fat, and he starts to purr:

"Wook at me! Bee-yoo-ti-ful cat heer! Lubbly, STARVING, gen-yoo-wine, STARVING, Maine Coon, STARVING CAT, heer! Wook atta STARVING CAT who is wiffout FOOD!"

And Missy is still yelling: "DON'T OPIN DAT DOOR!"

Anna Dawg is peeping: "GOOTA GO! GOTTA GO! GO! GO! GO!"

While Maman is struggling wiffa door toda Back Gardin and saying werds dat I am not aloud to type onna'count ob being a Small Rabbit.

And den Dadda comes fru da Kitchin and axts, "Whutsamatta?"

Wike he can't see.

And he comes innu da Bun Room, too.

So now its crowded inna Bun Room wif Me and Missy, Clover, Beebe and Mouse, and Missy's kicking pooties; Da Dawg dancing around wif his paws crossed and not paying attenshun to ennyfing udder denna fakt dat he hasta "GO!"; Cokie-da-Fat-Cat purring on and on while standing on Maman's slippers and rubbing his hed on Maman's leg; and Maman trying to pull opin da Back Door and not being strong enuf to do it.

And now Dadda wanders in!

So heer we are and Dadda starts talking, too.

"Whutssamatta wiffa fairy-dog? He stuck his nose in my ear at five o'clock this morning and asked me to let him out. So I climbed out of bed, let him outside and he just stood on the porch - Noble Dawg! Master of His Domain! kind of thing. So I called the bugger back inside and got back in bed."

"Well he's gotta go this time." Says Maman.

And she's still hauling onna door and her teefs are gritted togedder.

So Dadda says, "How's my pretty lady dis morning?"

And he leens ober, and gibs her a kiss (a fing I don't unnerstan - it's puttin' lips togedder, or puttin' lips onna udder person wif dere permission. Weird hoomin fing, sorta wike grooming but not nearly as useful.)

And he pulls opin da door!

And in rushes a blast ob cold air!

So out runs da Dawg, going wike his tail is on fire, yellin', "GO! GO! GO!"

And Cokie binks up and says, "Oooo! Outside! Wookatdat! Meebe I'll GO..."

And *WHOMP* da door geds pulled back in his face, and dere's a *thunk* as Cokie's face meets da door.

And Missy's yelling, "CLOSE DA DOOR! CLOSE DA DOOR!" wif her hed inna air and her ears standing straight out frum her hed like hellycopter blades. And she's standing up inna pootie-box and gibs a HUGE, great-big *FUMP* and pooties go ebberywhere.

So I'm ducking pooties wif Clover anna Beeb atta udder end obba habbytat.

And Maman puts her good shoulder uppa'gainst da door and manages to ged it shut tight.

And Dadda wooks down atta Cat and axts:

"Whuts your problem, Furball?"

Anna Cokie-Cat wooks up and he's still crosseyed dizzy frum habbin' bonked his hed onna door, but ebben on auto-matk-pilot dis Cat has dis kinda built-in whine: "FOOD! PLEESE! FOOD!"

And Mouse is wooking at Dadda wiffa ebbil-eye-ball and says, "Feed da stoopit cat. Feed da stoopit cat."

Dis is cos Mouse beeleebs in Bunny Mind-Control.

And Dadda gently squeezes Maman, and den wooks down atta Cat and says, "Come along, Bugalugs!"

And dey sort ob amble off.

Which leebs us wif Maman, standing dere, leaning against da Door Toda Back Gardin.

And she wooks at us, and wooks atta pooties dat are all ober da floor, and wooks at Missy who is Highly Disapproving, and at me, Clover anna Beeb, who are all atta end ob our habbytats onna'count ob habbing been ducking Missy's flying pooties; and she wooks ober at Mouse who is busy wif his Bunny Mind Control, and Maman says,

"And how are my sweet-heart bunnies today? How is everybun? How's my lovely CloverBun? And my little tough-bun, Beebe-Boy? And how's my em>sweet
Mouse-ums? And my darling little MissyBun? And my cute Babby Georgie-Porgy? All my bunnies all right? Alla sweet'um bunnies happy?"

I meen, whut can I say?

Dere is just a whole lotta talking, and ab-so-loot-ly no communnykayshun going on around heer.

----------By George

Posted by Our Warren at 10:39 AM EST
Sunday, 1 January 2006
George's 1st Strand, Day Number 1
Now Playing: Higher Ground
Topic: Our Warren, 2006

Maman sed she's gonna change alla litter boxes in Our Warren tidday.

Figgers.

Just whin you get something the way its s'sposed to be, somebunny comes along and messes it up.

Missy bopped me over da hed wiffa toob yestidday, too.

We all got noo toilet paper roll toobs to play wif, and afta chewing on it a liddle bit, I went ober toda udder end obba habbytat to habba nap, and woke up wif Missy bopping me ober da hed wiffa toob.

She sed she wasn't trying to bop me. She was trying to gedda toob innu da wadder dish to soften it up, but it wouldn't go, so bopping me was justa axydeint, but, you know, it wassa kinda "axydeint" dat I can live wiffout.

Den Maman came innu da Bun Room and wanted to know where alla hay onna floor had come frum.

"All I do is sweep up afta you buggers." She sed.

And I'm standing up, wooking, and was wike, "Well, you know, stuff happins."

And Maman starts petting me and she's wike, "Liddle George issa good boy. He doesn't throw hay onna floor for his Maman to sweep up, does he?"

And Missy is dere saying, "Humph, not by half he doesn't frow hay onna floor, wady! You shouldda been heer wast nite whin he was tunnellin' fru alla hay and it was flyin' ebberywheres!"

And Maman, who is preddy resistant to bunny-mind-control is still petting me and saying,

"George is such a good widdle bunny-boy! He's my perfect widdle man!"

And I'm getting a good scratch around da ears anna cheeks.

So Missy trundles ober and sticks her hed unner Maman's hand and demands,

"Pet me. I'm bedder."

Which is preddy much Missy's attytood alla time.

So Maman hassa go at pikin' up MissyBun, which preddy much has NOT bin on Missy's menu ob ideas.

And Missy's wike, "Hey! Wady! No! Down! No! Put Me Down! No!"

And Missy's big old back paddle-feets is going wike mad, and Maman isn't strong enuf to pik up Missy ennyways, so she gibs up and back Missy comes innu da habbytat wiffa *fump*. And Missy runs on innu da pooty box - which is her way ob "okkypyin' da Highest Ground" which is whut Hunny told us to do whin we is defendin' our rites.

As Hunny sed, "You okkypye da Highest Ground and den glare...ebben iffa Highest Ground you are okkypying happens to only be two inches high, it's still Highest, it's yours, and you're okkypying it. Dat's how bunnies defend dere terrytory. Hokay? You ged up dere onna Highest Ground and glare."

So Missy was standing up onna pooty box, and Maman wooks at her and gibs her a scritch onna nose and says,

"Tomorrow I gotta change dat poty-box, MissyBun Hawpa! Wook at alla dose pooties! Good grief, gurl!"

And Missy's wike, "Yeah. So? Whut abouddit? Des are mine and George's and we werked hard to ged dis menny inna box. Dere all ours, which makes dis place all ours. And I meen alla it. So don't go geddin enny stoopit ideas, wady. Leeb dis Highest Ground alone!"

But wike I sed, Maman isn't good at bunny-mind-control. You hab to hab a reasonably 'Tellygint subjeck to werk wif, and dat wuldn't be Our Maman.

And so Maman goes ober to see Clover and Beebe and ob course she notices dere pootie box, and den she notices Mouse's pootie box, and so she goes to ged Daddawho is Uppastairs inna Liberry and geds him to come down to notice alla pootie boxes, and dat makes him bemember da Cat Pootie Box, which is Uppastairs inna Guest Room Baf Room onna "Temporary Basis".

And so, a widdle waiter on, Cokie-da-Fat-Cat shambles Downnastairs, and waddles innu da Bun Room and slides to a stop unnerneaf ob Missy and my habbytat.

"I just wanna fank you for geddin' Dadda to bemember our pootie box." He sed.

And Missy wooks down on him and glares. "I'm gonna call Da Dawg on you. You aren't s'sposed to be inna Bun Room, Cat."

And Cokie heebs himself innu a standing position and says, "Call all you want, Rabbit, cossa Dawg is Uppastairs wif Dadda and Maman hassa musiks on, and you're in your habbytat and can't come hed-butt me. So shaddup. I was just fanking you ennyways. Cos we gotta cleen pootie box wif no pooties, and no stink. And Dadda sed it's fanks toda bunnies for beminding him. So fanks, Bunnies!"

And he, wike, chuckled and ambled on outta da Bun Room inna direkshun obba Kitchin. Den he stopped, wooked ober his shoulder and added:

"And tomorrow, it's gonna be your turn to hab your pootie boxes cleened. And not a momint too soon. Cos, guess whut, bunnies? Your 'Highest Ground' stinks!"

And DEN he flipped his tail at us and shambled out!

Well, dat did it.

Missy was so mad dat she *THUMPED* rite then and there, and so did Clover, da Beeb AND Mouse, too, so I *thumped* rite along wif dem, just to add to the gen'ral lebbel ob noise.

And preddy soon, Maman and Dadda, followed by Da Dawg, come thundering Downnastairs innu da Bun Room, wanting to know whut alla noise is about.

And Maman opins up alla habbytats and stawts cuddlin' bunnies, and saying dat it's gonna be hokay and ebberybunny is gonna be all rite, and den, wike her eyes is suddinly opined and she can see, she turns to Dadda and says,

"Tomorrow we hab got to change theses pootie boxes!"

So now its Tomorrow, and Maman and Dadda are geddin reddy to go to Church, and Da Dawg is Outside inna Garden, soda Catz hab come Downnastairs frumma Liberry, and allreddy, Cokie-da-Fat-Cat is sniggering aboud how we're gonna getta pootie boxes changed and won't hab no "Highest Ground" to okkypye ennymore again.

So Missy and Clover are busy sitting tight on dere "Highest Ground". Mouse figgers he'll wait and box da furst hands dat come innu his habbytat wiffout treats in dem, and defend his "Highest Ground" dat way. He says dat Catz hab no "High Ground" to defend and dat's why dey are Catz, not bunnies. Anna Cokie-Cat can't figger out why we wuld wanna defend "Higher Ground inna furst place.

Person'ly, I fink it's anudder case ob inner-species culture-clash going on heer again.

And now Maman and Dadda are added toda mix and it's gonna be bad around heer inna'nudder few hours.

So me, I'm just sitting here, sorting fru da hay left ober frum last nite, eating da good stuff and frowing da udder stuff...onna floor...

----------By George

Posted by Our Warren at 9:21 AM EST
Saturday, 31 December 2005
George's 12th Strand, Day Numbur 31
Now Playing: Tradishun!
Hokay!

Well, I got dis all messed up onna'count ob Dadda.

In Inkland, where he comes frum, it seems dat dey hab alla des Tradishuns dat are berry impawtant toda hollydays.

Wun obba Tradishuns is dat ebberybunny takes time OFF frum Christmus to Noo Years. Yeah. Dadda says dey don't do ennyfing 'cept sit around, wook inna Big White Box Inna Kitchin, pick atta Christmus Cake, eat goodies, hab naps inna chair inna Sitting Rooms, read buks dey found unner'neaf obba Christmus tree, an' compwain aboud how full dere tummy is.

Which I fink issa preddy good deal. And so didda rest ob Our Warren, 'specially my MissyBun who wikes to eat ennyways (an' she is wun BIG, beautiful bunny Gurl, lemme tell you!). So we added dis Tradishun to our hollydays and I taked TIME OFF frum werking onna blog.

So, onna'count ob Dadda, we hab been keeping up wif Tradishuns rilly good around heer, and so we hab bin just sitting around, eating treats, habbin' naps, standing up and being all cute whin Maman opins uppa Big White Box door, eating sum more and menshuning how full we all feel.

Ob course da Catz hab bin comin' downnastairs, too, and are trying to keep up wif Tradishun too, but I don't fink Catz hab enny Tradishuns 'cept dat dey herd aboudd'em frum us, and now feel dey also wanna hab dem.

Dat's whut Beep-Beep-da-Calico-Cat sed.

"Eating a wotta good stuff issa berry good Tradishun to hab on enny okayshun." She sed.

And den she went to see whut was left inna Dawg's bowl, which ob course, upset da Dawg, but dat's her whole idea.

So ennyways, it was onna'count ob Tradishun dat we didn't ged hextcited whin Cokie-Da-Fat-Cat came inna Bun Room and stawted to eat da bunny pellets dat Missy had pushed outta da habbytat on toda floor. Cos you see, Sharing is also anudder berry strong Tradishun atta time obba hollydays, and wun dat Maman says we shuld carry on fru da whole Year.

And seeing as how Rabbits do not fight ober food ennyhows, and allus share food, keeping dis Tradishun going is no big stretch for us.

But I'm disgressing (New werd. I was digesting a buk ob werds ob Maman's until she piked me up and I hadda ged offit. She geds upset whin I stawt digesting sum ob her buks.)

So Cokie-cat was dere eatin' da pellets anna Dawg came in and sed,

"Hey Cat! No Catz inna Bun Room! Dat's da Rool! Now GET OUT, or I'm gonna call Dadda!"

And Cokie wooked at him for a sekond, and sed, "Wookit Dawg, I gotta tummy fulla sumfing not good and dere is no grass to eat, so dis issa next bestest fing. Des bunny pellets is made ob grass. You eat dem, you make sum gas, you pass da gas and you feels bedder. You know how it goes. So can you just, dis WUN TIME, shaddup and lemme be?"

Anna Dawg wooked around and axted Mouse, "Issa Cat rite aboudda pellets? Are dey rilly grass?"

And Mouse sed, "Ob course, Stoopit."

And Since "Stoopit" issa Dawg's udder name, he wagged his tail at Mouse and stawted to eat da pellets, too, cos as he sed,

"I got ahold ob sum ob dat 'FROOT CAKE' or 'CHRISTMUS CAKE' or whut ebber dat is dat Maman made Dadda for Christmus, and it's bin sittin' in my tummy wike sum kinda house-brick forda wongest time. I need sumfing to moob it on, you know?"

And Mouse sed, "It's a deel. Just take your gas-producin' butt elsewhere, cos dis issa Bun Room and we don't want enny ob your gas onna'count obba fact dat we hab enuf ob our own."

And bof obba cat anna dawg sed, "Hokay." And dey eated alla pellets dat was onna floor.

Anna widdle waidder on, dey went uppastairs toda Liberry to see whut was going on wif Maman and Dadda.

And preddy soon I heer Maman axt Dadda, "Was dat you?"

And I heer Dadda say, "No."

And den I heer Maman say, "So which wun ob dose buggers was it? Cos you bedder find out cos its comin' your way."

And I heer Dadda say, "Well, you can tell if its da Dawg, cos he allus wooks at his tail wike he's wondering if he shuld divorce his back-end. And you kind tell if itsa Cokie-cat, cos he waves his tail, wike he's trying to blame it onna Dawg."

And I heer Maman say, "Well, bof obb'em are asleep. So take your pick."

And den I heer Dadda say, rilly loud, "Phew-WHAR! Hokay, dat does it! WAKE UP! Cokie! Marc!"

And I can heer Cokie snufflin, wike, "Whonk, Snort, *hork*" anna Dawg stawts to bark, and dere issa wotta thunderin' feets onna stairs, fru da Lounge anna Dining Room, and innu da Kitchin' and den heer dey come wike a HERD innu da Bun Room!

And Clover, who is nextest toda door sees dem furst and runs for her pootie-box, mumbling, "Oh crud."

And Dadda stawts yellin', "Dat's it! Whut hab da two ob you bin eatin?"

And Mouse, staring rilly hard at Dadda says, "Bunny pellets."

And Dadda says, "You bin eating BUNNY PELLETS, habin't you?"

Anna Cokie-cat wooks at Mouse in his habbytat and says, "Wookit, bunny rabbit, I'm gonna kick your butt."

And Mouse says, "Bring it on, Fat-Boy. I knew Belinda."

Anna Cat got up frum where he was sittin unner Mouse's habbytat and went to sit unner'neaf ob Clover's, cos he bemembered dat Belinda Bunny had whooped him menny years bifore.

And Clover wooked down and sed, "Wookit, Cat, I knew Belinda, too."

So Cokie moobed ober to unner'neaf ob Missy and me, and Missy pulled dose loppy ears ob hers out to be almost horryzonal frum her hed and glared atta Cat and sed,

"An' I was TRAINED by Belinda Bunny, Cat, so don't plop your sorry fat butt down heer!"

So Cokie sighed dis big sigh and went to sit byda Dawg.

And inna mean-time, Dadda was still yellin':

"You two are da most hopeless lot! Eating BUNNY PELLETS! Dat's rilly low. BUNNY PELLETS! I know why you're eating dem, doh. Becos dey are GRASS and bof you buggers hab upset tummies frum scouring uppa crumbs and stealing offa plates! And now you're bof GAS-BAGS!"

And Maman came down frumma upstairs innu da Bun Room and wooked at Dadda and sed, "I can't be habbin' wif dis."

And she sounded almost wike Belinda, who usta say dat alla time.

And just den, we stawted to smell sumfing.

And it was BAD.

And Dadda yelled, "Hokay! Which wunna you buggers was it DIS time?"

Anna Dawg put his hed down onna floor, anna Cat wooked alla'round wif rilly big eyes, and I'm wike, "whuttdaheck?" cos I knowed my tummy was werking fine.

And Dadda grabbed hold obba Back Door, and jerked it opin, lettin' inna blast ob cold air dat slammed innu Missy and me.

"Outside wif you!" He yelled atta Dawg.

And wif his head held down rilly low, da Dawg slinked past Dadda and sorta flowed downna steps innu da nitetime Back Garden.

Den Dadda yanked Mouse's habbytat away frumma screen-porch door.

"Hooray! Law & Order!" Yelled Mouse.

But Dadda just opined da Screen-porch door, wooked atta Cat and sed, "Get outta heer bifore I plant my foot up your backside and wear you wike a furry slipper. Now p*ss off!"

And Cokie unnerstands da last few werds ob dat perfectly well, as we all do. Dey are Dadda's Inkwish werds for "Ged outta heer cos I'm getting rilly rilly short-tempered rite aboud now."

So Cokie got up and scurried past Dadda, out on toda screen-porch, where he wikes to go ennyways. Den frum outta nowheres, comes Beep-Beep, mobbin' at high speeds frumma Kitchin. She blows by Dadda, scoots unner Mouse's habbytat and zooms out on toda screen-porch, too.

Ob course, Dadda hadn't seed her coming, so she s'prised him, and he yelled, "And wheredaheck are you goin' Missus?" but she was alreddy past him and out onna Screen Porch.

So Dadda slammed da Screen Porch door and shubbed Mouse back in frunt obbit.

And Mouse glared at him and called out, "Hey! Law & Order! It's time for my show! Take me in to see Law & Order! I wanta watch Law & Order! Hey! Come back! Hey!"

And whin Dadda brought us salads, Mouse lunged at him and gabe Dadda a good box 'round da hand.

And Maman sed, "Whutsamatta wiffa Mouse?"

And Dadda sed, "Blowed if I know."

"Dat's for not taking me in to see Law & Order!" growled Mouse.

"Must be cos we didn't take him into see Law & Order." Sed Maman. "We're breaking wif Tradishun and he doesn't wike dat. Mouse is a very Tradishunal Mouse is Our Mouse." (which is also summa da "Inkwish" kinda tawk dat she learned while libbin' in Inkwand.)

And Dadda glared and sed, "Well, alla des Tradishunal annymuls had bedder stop it, onna'count ob I've hadda'nuf ob dis. I'll bring inna Dawg anna Catz, but if we hab enny more ob dis GAS biznezz, dey are ALL gonna sleep upstairs inna Liberry on dere on."

And Maman turned away and sed quietly, "Yeah, wun gas-bag inna bedroom is enuf."

And Dadda sed, "Whut?"

But he was letting inna Dawg and den da Catz and wasn't paying her much attenshun, which is prob'ly a good fing.

And just as ebberybun was milling around inna Bun Room, trying to ged organnyized inna direkshun obba TREAT CUPBOARD - I sniffed da air, and dere wassa STINK moobing in.

So I wooked at Missy and she shook her hed. And I wooked ober atta Mouse and he he shaked his hed.

And den Dadda stwatd up again: "Which wunna you buggers was it dis time?"

Anna Dawg whineed, "NOT ME!" and wooked at Cokie-cat who geds des huge eyes and yowls it issn't him dis time eidder. And ob course, its not Bee-Beep, cos she didn't eat enny pellets, and besides, she had allreddy got her treat frum Maman and was allreddy gone uppastairs on her own. She is sneaky wike dat.

And Dadda yells, "Dat's IT! ALLA YOU BUGGERS - EXCEPT DA RABBITS - GET UPPASTAIRS NOW!"

Anna Dawg anna Catz ran.

Cos you don't stand around wookin' stoopit when Our Dadda yells wike dat. 'Cept for us. We Bunnies don't habba do ennyfing, Maman says, 'cept whut we wanna do.

And so we're left sittin' inna Bun Room, Alla Us Togedder, and Missy says, "Hokay, if it wasn't da Dawg, and it wasn't eidder obba Catz, den whodaheck wassit who did dat wast Big Stink?"

And Mouse added, "Cos dat was beautiful timing."

And Beebe, who is getting old but is still preddy nuts, popped up his hed frum nextest to his wife-bun, Clover, and sed,

"Yo! If ya concentrate rilly hard onna back end, and den squeeze, just wike Hunny sed, it rilly werks! Watch!"

And we alla us togedder sniffed da air, and shure enuf, you culd smell it.

So dere's anudder Tradishun dat's been passed down in Our Warren.

Da Hollydays heer are going rilly great! Hope yours are going GREAT, too!

------------By George


Posted by Our Warren at 10:25 AM EST
Friday, 16 December 2005
George's 12th Strand, Day Numbur 16
Now Playing: George's Christmas Story - Part III (Conclusion)
Topic: Da Lore
“Dis way!” Belinda called out across the Great Divide. “Come on, Hunny! Dis Way!”

The other Bridge Bunnies bolted to join her, all eyes peering hard into the misty centre of the Rainbow Bridge where the clouds gathered, so thin, yet so impenetrable, that separated worlds.

“Dis way!” They murmured amongst themselves, softly at first, and then louder. “Come dis way!”

“Come on, Hunny!” Cried Belinda, shifting her feet impatiently and waggling her ears. “Run dis way! I knows you sees me, you daft owd bugger! Now run dis way! Dat cloud behind you can’t ged ober Da Bridge!”

And Hunny, the eldest and wisest bunny of Our Warren, on the other side of the Great Divide, lifted up his heavy loppy ears and ran as he hadn’t run in recent memory.

Behind him rolled the great cloud, black as ink and menacing as a thunderhead. Inside it was contained five years of misery, particularly the memory of an August day before he’d come to Our Warren. Hunny remembered the heat of the sun bearing down on him that day, the fear, and the sadness of being OnAlone, a rabbit unloved and unwanted, in a cage with a sign on the front that said: “FOR SALE – RABBIT & CAGE - $25.00”

Inside of the cage there was no shade. There was no food. There was no water. And there was no Hope.

He was in that last stage of awful life for An Unwanted Easter Bunny, OnAlone: beloved by nobun and with nobunny there for him to love. His heart, like that of so many unwanted bunnies, was about to break - and there was none to care.

So the sun beat down on Hunny as he lay there amongst the other cast-offs of a sad, barren household, while all around him, the people came and went. And no one stopped, and no one looked, and no one noticed as they went about picking through the pieces of other peoples’ lives being sold at cut-rate prices, that a small life among them was about to give up on living in their egocentric world.

Now the memory of all that human uncaring and disinterested cruelty reared up behind Hunny, a vast cloud filled with the heartbreak of millions of other lost and abandoned Easter bunnies – and Hunny ran, leading other bunnies – bunnies who had also made the decision to leave the World Below to begin the mysterious journey to The Rainbow Bridge.

But Hunny had not made his final decision to leave on that hot August day that was pursuing him now – he had made his decision eight years later under entirely different circumstances. Because Maman had rescued him from the hot August sun, from the cage where the sign said “FOR SALE – RABBIT & CAGE - $25.00 – REDUCED…” to “$15.00… then “$10.00”… and finally, “$5.00.” And Maman had thrown the green paper “munny” at man who had left Hunny in that cage OnAlone, and had grabbed up Hunny and rushed him to safety at Our Warren.

So Hunny had lived eight years at Our Warren and he was happy there, first with his ideal bondmate, Maggie, and later, with Poet. He had gone to a place named “St. Luke's,” riding in his basket decorated with a big blue bow and silver streamers. He had taken part in Maman and Dadda’s wedding and gotten to sit on their wedding rings during the ceremony. He had watched Phil-the-Lad go off to the Navy and return all grown up in a handsome blue uniform.

And Hunny had been there to greet all the new bunnies who had arrived at Our Warren, like Belinda, and a little bunny who settled on the name of "George" (because he didn't have any other name). And Hunny stayed at Our Warren to grow old – older than most bunnies ever do.

But finally, the lure of The Rainbow Bridge became stronger, and it was time for me, Hunny to follow where so many of his Warren-mates had gone before. He was an old rabbit, An Honoured Elder Of His Tribe (as a very wise hoomin called him), and he knew it was time for him to leave Maman and Dadda behind and begin his journey to The Meadow. Hunny wasn’t sure what he would find there, but he had seen The Rainbow Bridge in Old Rabbit Dreams, and knew it was, above all, a safe place to be.

So with grace and dignity, he took his leave of Maman and Dadda and good Doctor Sharin. He had wished that they wouldn’t have cried as they did, but there was nothing he could do to change them. They would learn – eventually – as hoomins always learned – so slowly for a “smart” species. They would learn when they met up with him - and Maggie and Poet, and Hawthorn and Belinda and all of the other Bridge Bunnies who were waiting for them in The Meadow - when they, too, crossed The Rainbow Bridge. So Hunny left Maman and Dadda behind very quietly, very gently.

And just as he crossed over, he suddenly found other bunnies who had also left that day, and the great, black cloud of memory that was rushing down upon them all.

“Dis way!” He shouted to all the bunnies gathered with him and instinctively bounded off towards the spark he glimpsed in the distance.

“Dis way, bunnies!”

His back legs, which lately hadn’t responded to a thing his brain had told them, now suddenly worked perfectly, gathering under him and pushing, sending him flying as he hadn’t flown in years. The faint glow of the Rainbow Bridge was growing brighter. He lifted his large, heavy head and shouted over his shoulder to the crowd of bunnies following after him:

“Dis way, bunnies! Dis way!”

And the bunnies, some old, many young, heard his voice and followed behind in a great, fleeting group.

Out of the corners of his eyes, Hunny caught the sight of other shapes, fleeing as he was. It was only a glimpse, but he was certain he was seeing dwaggies and kitties and other animal shapes, all running free, all in the same direction towards lights that glittered, somehow, almost as brightly as the one for which he instinctively steered.

The black cloud of memory began to fall away behind them as the light before them grew.

“Dis way!” Called Hunny, encouraging all those who were running with him. “Dis way, bunnies!”

Now they were at the Bridge, passing under the great arch that suspended the glittering span across the Great Divide.

“Dis Way!” Shouted Belinda from her end.

Paws thundered and ears streamed in the wind. The roiling black cloud of memory reared up before the bridge, growing great like a wave against the shore, and then crashed into foam, defeated, to flow back into the World Below.

The bunnies crowded over the Rainbow Bridge and piled to a disorganised halt. They looked around in wonder.

A new world.

They stared.

And then –

“Hokay, ebberybunny, wookit ober heer…”

And there she was, an English Spot bunny with her ears pricked forward and her dark eyes bright, sitting up, paws patting, and her wiggling nose nuzzling each bunny within reach.

“I am Belinda Bunny, and dis issa Rainbow Bridge. Now come on ober to dat liddle houz an’ do whut da sign says - hab sum hay, habba nap - cos we gots sum to share.”

And over the crowd of bunnies Belinda winked at Hunny.

And that’s how it is at The End of the Rainbow Bridge, where the World Below touches the World to Come. There’s an English Spot bunny who waits in a little apple twig house beside The Rock at The End of The Rainbow Bridge, and she has maps of The Meadow that show where all the best look-out points are located, and where all the best clover patches are to be found. And she also has managed to gather together a selection of maps for other animals, so that she has a whole rack of “Maps 4 Dawgs” and “Maps 4 Catz,” so that no newcomer ever feels insecure or overcome upon arrival at The Meadow.

As this English Spot Bunny says, "Alla Us Togedder make a warren, and heer at dis Great Warren, dere is nebber NoBunny OnAlone!"

And this English Spot Bunny (whose name is Belinda Bunny) has very acute hearing, as does her placid, little blue-eyed, white Holland Lop companion (whose name is Hawthorn), and whenever either bunny detects the sound of bunny feet running in the distance from the memory of the past, they dash out of the little apple twig house, down the white pebble path and around The Rock, to The End of the Bridge. And they shout into the thin mists that separate the worlds,

“Dis way, bunnies! Come dis way!”

And when the new arrival speeds over the Bridge, and the painful parts of the past dissolve like foam and are forever left behind, Belinda Bunny gently nudges the newcomer with her anvil-shaped head, shoving him or her firmly up the white pathway where hangs the sign, “Hab sum hay – and habba nap. We gots sum to share. Alla Us Togedder - NoBunny OnAlone!”


-------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:55 AM EST

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