Now Playing: Nobunny's Sleeping At Our Warren...
I am being yelled at.
MissyBun has been yelling at me since all last nite! And she's still at it.
Can you believe this stuff?
It's been terrybul, lemme tell you! So terrybul dat it kept Alla Us Togedder heer inna Bun Room anna rest ob Our Warren inclooding Maman and Dadda anna Dawg, awake all last nite.
And it's All Maman's and Dadda's FAULT, too!
I had nuffing to do wif dis!
But I got blamed.
Butta WERST PAWT is dat it is NEBBERgonna stop until Dadda geds himself back frumma pet store anna Bank anna rest ob his errands and he hassn't ebben left yet inna car to ged stawted onna errands yet!
Dis is NOT FAIR!
Lemme tell you...
Yestidday aftanoon, Dadda comed innu da Bun Room and he hassa wook at us and says to Maman (who is inna Kitchin):
"Wookit, you wanted to clean outta bunnies, so wet's do it now while we still can go outside onna nice day. I'll put Stoopit out."
So he opins uppa Back Door toda Back Gardin and IN comes sum not-too-cold-air and OUT goes Da Dawg at high speeds cos he finks he is chasing squirrels or sumfing.
Den Dadda opins uppa habbytats and stawts taking outta pooties pans.
And he takes da pootie pans outta Back Door, dumps dem sumwheres and brings dem back inside to Maman who hassa big jug ob Vinny-gar anna sink fulla Suds.
And Maman fills uppa pootie pans wif Vinny-gar, and den scrubs dem wif Scrubby Stuff and her green Scrubby Fing and den washes dem off inna Suds inna sink, and den sprays dem wif wadder. Den she gibs da pootie pans to Dadda and he wipes dem off wiffa Kitchin Roll Paper Towels.
And while dis produkshun is going on, MissyBun says to me, "Whoa. Dis issn't just cleaning uppa pootie pans, dis is RILLY Cleaning Uppa Pootie Pans! Byda time we gets dem back, dey will hab NO SMELL."
Well, NO SMELL is sumfing obba problem when you are a bunny. Fings hab got to hab SMELL so you know dat dey belong to you. Dis is a major reason why bunnies pee on fings, so dat dey habba SMELL. Dis is also why we gwoom and rub our chins on stuff - so dat dey also hab SMELL and we know which bunny fings belong to.
Bunnies fink wif dere noses, you know?
Fings dat hab NO SMELL are not owned, and inna Bunny Werld, fings hab to be owned.
Mainly by us.
And RILLY impawtant fings, wike pootie pans where your most impawtant fings, wike your most smelliest, most personal fings, wike pooties, hab to hab da most SMELL ob all. So when Maman takes away alla SMELL wif sumfing wike Vinney-gar, well, you can see how dis issa berry, berry, BERRY serrius matter.
So we each has got our own pootie pan inna habbytats.
Dere issa pootie pan for Missy.
Dere issa pootie pan for George.
Dere issa pootie pan for Beebe.
Dere issa pootie pan for Clover.
And dere issa pootie pan for Mr Mouse.
And if you don't rely on SMELL (becoms you are NOT a bunny) den you can identyfy dem wike dis:
Missy's pootie pan is purple and has mostly alla corners on it ('cept where Missy has grabbed it to toss it).
George's pootie pan is bloo and has two outta three corners (I ged bored easily).
Mr Mouse's pootie pan is bloo and hass frunt lip chewed off (Mouse has "anger isshoos", Maman says).
Clover's pootie pan is violet and has alla corners on it (she issa berry neat and tidy housebunny).
Beebe's pootie pan is bloo and is missing two outta three corners (Maman says Beebe just has "isshoos".)
So Dadda is bringing Maman da pootie pans and she is Scrubbing dem so dat dey hab NO SMELL, and den gibbing dem back to Dadda so he can fill dem wif stuff called "Yestidday's Noos" and gib dem back to us in our Habbytats.
And he gibs back Clover's pootie pan.
And he gibs back Mr Mouse's pootie pan.
And he gibs back Missy's pootie pan.
And he gibs back Beebe's pan and my pan - only sumfings wrong wif Beebe's pootie pan and my pootie pan.
Our pootie pans still got SMELL.
Too dang much SMELL.
In fact, dey STINKS
And Dadda says to Maman, "We'll hab to get George and Beebe tomorry, onna'count ob we hab run outta 'Yestidday's Noos'. I'll get anudder bag atta pet store cos I hab to go rite by dere onna way toda Bank. It won't be a Problem."
And I'm finking, "Problem for whom?"
Cos rite aboud now, I gotta BIG problem: MissyBun and I gots ONE pootie pan wif NO SMELL and one wif GEORGE SMELL.
And dis issn't rite.
But my pootie pan issn't cleen. In fakt, it STINKS. Not as much as Missy's stinked bifore Maman and Dadda cleened it out, cos I can't stink uppa pootie pan da way Missy can. (Whin it comes to producing pooties, Dadda says "Nobunny can beat Our Missy for converting hay innu pooties!" and dis is mainly troo, becos Our MissyBun is wun, big, be-yoo-ti-ful bunny gurl ob gen-er-us pro-por-shuns.)
Nuffin can stink quite da way Missy's pootie pan stinks and nobun can fill uppa pootie pan in as short a time as she can, lemme tell you! So my pootie pan didn't stink anywheres near as much as her pootie pan, but still, whin you compare my pootie-pan-not-cleaned to Missy's pootie-pan-clean, well, her pootie-pan-clean beated at heck outta mine.
So I hopped innu Missy's clean pootie pan and marked it.
And now it had SMELL.
Well, I was preddy content wif dat, but Missy just about lost her mind.
She was innu dat pootie pan wike a shot, peeing and pootying for all she was worf.
Anna whole time, she's yelling: "How dare you? How DARE YOU!"
And I'm wike, "Wookit, it had NO SMELL, so I gab it sum."
"But it's not MY SMELL! It's gotta hab MISSY SMELL!"
And I'm wike, well, you know, mistyfied, onna'count obba fact dat dis is OUR habbytat, and nobun else's, and it has OUR pootie pans innit, and nobun else's, and I don't see whutsa problem heer, you know? just onna'count ob bof pootie pans smelling ob GEORGE SMELL. Afta all, I lib heer, too.
But NO, MissyBun is habbin' a fit.
So she's innu da pootie pan whin Maman and Dadda come around wiffa hay anna food at nite, just bifore Bedtime, and she does come out obbit to ged her share obba Raisins (who wouldn't?), but she goes rite back innu da pootie pan as soon as she's grabbed as menny raisins as she can (inclooding dose dat she's grabbed outta my mouf!).
And Maman and Dadda turn offa Bun Room Light and say, "Nite, Bunnies!" and they turn offa Bun Room Light along wiffa lights inna rest obba house, and calla Dawg innu dere bedroom where Dadda has put down blankies soda Dawg hassa soft place to sleep onna'count obba Dawg also habbin' Arthuritis, wike Maman, only not so bad (he just limps a liddle; she falls ober and Dadda hasta pik her up) and dey go to bed so dey can sleep.
So ennyways, it geds preddy quiet inna house.
So I don't wanna go back in my pootie pan onna'count ob its not cleen, so I ged innu Missy's pootie pan wif her, cos it has GEORGE SMELL onnit, afta all.
And don'tcha know it?
Missy *FUMPS* wif her big back paddle-feets and becos I am smaller den she is and wedged in ennywheres, I bounce up inna air!
And just as my butt lands back inna pootie-pan, *FUMP*! - she does it again!
So I'm inna pootie pan, going upanddown for no partickular reason, 'cept dat Missy is mad aboud me being dere, and heer comes Maman in her white nitegown, wooking wike sum ghost-frum-Christmus-yet-to-come inna moonlight, axting, "Whuttsamatta wif my bunnies?"
And Mr Mouse takes wun wook at Maman and *FUMPS* cos he doesn't rekonize her wooking wike dis ghost wif her wong hair floating allaround. And just becos Mouse *FUMPS*, Clover *FUMPS* and dere goes Beebe up inna air, cos Clover has great big paddle-feets and da Beeb issa small-sized bunny compared to Clover.
And Beebe is wike, "YO! WHUTTAHECK?"
So Maman opins uppa habbytats and pets us all, inclooding me in Missy's pootie pan dat smells wike me, George.
Den she closes da habbytats and says, "Nite, Bunnies." and goes off to her and Dadda's bedroom.
And ebberyfing is all quiet for a minit, until Missy wooks ober and sees I'm still inna her pootie pan wif her.
So she lets out an ebben bigger *FUMMP* and I go flying sideways, outta da pootie pan and ends up onna habbytat floor. So I scrabble to my feets and try to ged back innu da pootie pan, but she's clogging uppa whole fing wif her big back end.
Well dis is whut she usta do whin I was a Widdle Babby Bunny and I did sumfing she didn't wike. She wuld chase me back innu my habbytat frum hers and den clog uppa hole I had chewed wif her big butt so I culdn't ged back innu her habbytat.
But I was a Widdle Babby Bunny den and I am not a Widdle Babby now.
Howebber, I am not stoopit.
So I left her a few "calling cards" inna frunt ob her pootie pan.
And she stuck her nose unner'neaf ob me, threw her hed back and tried a toss!
Well, lemme tell you, I am NOT a widdle babby bunny! She mite hab knocked me ober, but she didn't toss me.
So I scrambled to my feets, and Clover started to *FUMP* again.
And dis time, Dadda comed out innu da Bun Room and snaped onna light.
And cos we're all blinded byda bright light, we're just standing dere, blinking.
And Dadda says, "Whutsamatta wif you buggers?"
But we're just standing dere.
So he goes ober toda counter inna Kitchen, and puts wadder innu his tea-kettle and wooks around for a sekund, den geds sum bread frumm baskit Maman has onna conter nextest toda stove fing. And den he comes out innu da Bun Room again, and goes toda Big White Box and reaches in to ged dis block ob "cheese" stuff, and says to us:
"I'm feeling peckish alla a suddin. Dis is your fault."
And while we're trying to werk dat wun out, he says toda Dawg:
"Lookit, same bargin as bifore: I gib you a biscuit, you let me eat dis in peace."
Anna Dawg, who wasn't expecting ennyfing inna furst place, but was fulla hope aboudda cheese, cocks his hed on one side and says,
And eats da biscuit dat Dadda gibs to him and keeps on hoping aboudda cheese, cos Dawgs don't "do" bargins. At least, dats whutta Dawg says.
Den, just as Dadda goes to puttaway da cheese inna Big White Box, da Dawg prances ober toda Back Door and axts to go out innu da Back Gardin - cos ebbery time he eats sumfing, Dadda has trained him to axt to go outside, only Dadda doesn't realise he's trained da Dawg to do dis; he finks itssa Dawg's idea.
So Dadda unlocks da Back Door and IN comes a *whoosh* ob cold air (cos its deeps nite by now) and OUT goes Da Dawg (who doesn't rilly hab to go, but is doing dis cos he finks he hasta).
And Dadda goes back innu da bedroom.
So I go and rustle fru da hay, but Missy is so mad dat she starts tossing alla toys around inna habbytat. And dere is wun BIG toy dat makes a wotta noise. It has bells in, and so not only does it *bang* when its tossed, it *clangs*.
And preddy soon, we hear Dadda say a "Bad Werd" inna bedroom, and den we hear Maman say:
"Well you left Da Dawg outside."
And Dadda says, "No, Sweetheart, I'll ged him. I dunno why he allus hasta go out afta he eats."
And Maman says, "Nebber mind, dearest, da bunnies are making an uproar, so I'll getta Dawg."
And den bof ob dem pads out innu da Bun Room - Dadda in his bare feets and Maman wike da ghost-ob-Christmas-yet-to-come wif her white nite-gown and wong hair (and her balance isn't good, cos she's sort ob bouncing gently offa ebberyfing wike a pinball going slow).
So Dadda opins da Back Door and IN comes a *whoosh* ob cold air and INcomes Da Dawg (who was just sitting onna BackSteps, admiring da nite, and wondering whuttaheck he was doing out dere ennyways).
Anna Dawg snuffles Missy on his way by, and dat just makes her madder den she alreddy is, so she climbs innu da pootie pan and she's glaring wif her ears stuck out and her hed up inna air. So I try to ged innu da pootie pan wif her, but dere is her big butt taking up alla room again!
And Maman says to Dadda,
You know, I fink we've gotta problem."
And Dadda wooks around da Bun Room and den atta Dawg who has gone on fru da Bun Room and stopped atta Biscuit Cupboard inna Kitchin wiffa wook ob Hope written all ober his Collie-face, and Dadda says to Maman:
"Yeah, we got six obb'em. Whut's your point?"
And Maman says, "No, I fink dat we shuld hab cleaned out George's pootie pan when we cleaned out Missy's."
And Dadda says, "Well he'll just have to wait until I go toda pet store inna morning. We ran outta litter. We'll do his tomorry."
But Maman is wookin in our habbytat and she can see Missy okkypying da pootie pan and me sittin nextest to it, crammed in between Missy's clean pootie pan dat hassa GEORGE SMELL on it, and my not-clean pootie pan dat has too much GEORGE SMELL on it.
And Maman says, "I don't fink George can hold it dat long."
And Dadda comes ober to wook, too, and he sees Missy inna pootie pan and me not in it, and he points to MissyBun and says,
"Wook at dat fat bugalugs."
And Missy's hed comes up ebben furder and she glares at Dadda and snaps, "Who you calling 'bugalugs, pal?"
And Dadda adds, "Wook at her taking up alla space. Wike Prachett says, 'Dere is room atta top, and Missy is occupying alla it'."
And Missy brings bof ob her paddle-feets down hard inna pootie pan, and dere is dis shower ob 'Yestiday's Noos" dat comes flying up and goes all ober da pwace.
And Maman reaches in and pets me, and gibs me a cuddle and says,
"My poor widdle George. He doesn't have a pan to pee in!"
-------- By George