Gardin vs. Maman
Now Playing: Whutta Dawg Sed
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit
Well, heer we go agin: da continuin' story ob Maman, Dadda anna Our Warren Memorial Gardin.
As you know, we godda Our Warren Memorial Window dat wooks out ober what Maman an' Dadda are hopin' will one day be da Our Warren Memorial Gardin.
Maman made a start on dis by creatin' da Our Warren HerbGardin. Which is berry nice, if somewhat onna small side. But dis is Hokay, because as Belinda Bunny pointed out oncet, "Big twees gwow frum widdle nuts, an' if dat's troo, den we godda whole forest rite heer in dis houz, just waitin' to gwow."
Maman an' Dadda went toda "Home-De-Pot" store yestidday, where I guess dey sell pots to take home (considerin' da name) an' udder fings (considerin' whut came home wiff Maman an' Dadda inna Buick).
Now bemember, it has bin hot
outside, wif no rain for awhile.
Here commed Dadda wiffa widdle gardin fork anna equal-sized small shubble. Why he didn gedda full-sized stuff, I'll nebber know. Mebbe dey will grow bigger ober time. Whutebber
Den Maman staggars fru da Bun Room wiffa prong fing wif a handle on top for turnin' uppa ground (she says). An' den Dadda comes fru wiffa'nudder bag wiffa hose innit an' sum rose snippers he calls, secateurs
which is French for "rose snippers".
Anna Cokie-da-Fat-Cat wanders up,wooks at alla stuff, den wooks at me an' says, "Dis don' wook good. I'm goin' uppastairs, outta da way bifor ennyfing bad happins." An' he an' Beep beats feets forda Office which is onna sekond floor an' dat's da end ob dem.
Hoomins are wrong aboud ratz. It's Catz dat will allus be da furst ones offa sinkin' ship.
Soda Dawg comes up an' sniffs all stuff onna floor, wooks at me an' says, "Oh goody! We be's going outside!"
So I says to him, "You go an' watch 'em an' tell me whut happins."
Anna Dawg says, "Fine wif me."
Cos he's stoopit wike dat.
An heer comes Maman an' she's wearing glubs on hur hands wif fwowers on'em, anna long skirt (ob course) an she hassa square fing tied around her middle. An' she puts dat sekkytoors fings inna widdle pockit an' says toda Dawg,
"Hokay, Hose-nose. Wet's go."
Now I havta depend onna Dawg to tell whut happined nextest, cos he was out dere inna yard an' I wassn't.
So heer is Whutta Dawg Sed
"Anna Maman an' me is walkin', me onna left-side-by-da-knee which is right, anna Maman comes toda roses an' she says,
"Ohmygoodness, wook-at-dat! Black-spots!"
"So I wook, but whuttaheck? Dere's a squirell inna tree wot's throwd a twig at me, so I run toda tree an bark cos dat's a threat! So Maman hollars,
"So I haveta shut up an go sit by da left-side-ob-her-kneee, which is rite. You'd fink she knowed a threat when she seed one, cos squirells issa menace to p'lite compiny, but she dont see dat - she finks dey are 'kyoot. So she's not payin' 'tension to where her feets are cos she's wookin' up forda squirell dat's alreddy gone, an' so she falls ober me.
"Toes inna side! Dat hurts
But I don't whimper, doh, cos I amma manly dawg.
"So I know my trainin'. Number A: Sniff da Maman, Number B: Stand steady, Number C: Let her use me to ged herself back on her feets agin; Number D: Sit beside-da-left-knee-an'-wook-up-reassuringly. I am notta Serbice Dog for nuffin'.
"So she goes back to clippin' bits ob rosebush an' frowin' 'em onna ground. I do not hand dem bak to her, cos she alreaddy sed, 'No' an' I ain't stoopit.
"So when she's finished wiffa roses, she moobs on to whut she calls 'Hedge' dat is uppagainstdafence.
"Well, dat 'Hedge' don't smell rite, so I walks ober, lifts my leg, an marks it. She don't like me markin' stuff while she's watchin', I don't fink, but it's too bad. My gardin, an' I gotta mark whut's mine. An' cos I bin out inna gardin wif her for awhile now, I'm squeezin drops, Rabbit, lemme tell ya.
"So she's cuttin' branches now an' throwin' 'em inna pile behind herself. Pile don't got markings on it, so I mark da pile, too. You nebber know. Gotta keep up wif dis markin' stuff or you can loose your terrytorry. Ebbery dawg knows dis, ebben if hoomins don't seem to ged it.
"So by now we're onna bottom pawt obba gardin an' Maman's till cuttin' an makin' piles. An' now she comes to anudder string ob stuff. She makes 'tch, tch' sounds. Says to me, "Wookout forda thorns, Hose-nose."
"Wall, dat's whut I gots hair down'dere for. Keep it cleen, keep it fuzzy, keep fleas outta it an' it werks as it shuld to p'tectk your markin' 'quipmint frum thorns, nettles an all sorts. I ain't stoopit.
"So she's cuttin' an' bendin', an' bendin' an' pullin' wiffa cutters, an' geddin' red inna face an' Dadda comes up an axts,
"Why you cuttin outta blackberries?"
"An Maman's wike, 'Whut?'
"An Dadda is wike, 'Da blackberries. Or raspberries. Too early to tell which, but it's wunnada two. Why's you cuttin' 'em out?'
"An' he's not markin' ennyfing. He's berry lazy aboud markin', I notice. He only marks in one room. Dat is notta way to keep his Pack's terrytory from tresspasses fruma'nudder pack. Ya gotta mark ebberywhere's. Dat's why pawt ob my name is "Marc", cos I dose alla it around heer. It's "Zackary-Marc" an' I don't ebben wait forda rest ob it, I just go ahead an start markin', cos I know Dadda hasn't dunit, ebben if he is
Da Alpha Male.
"So I'm markin' da pile ob thorns.
"An' Maman says, 'You meen we wanna keep dees thorny fings? Dey aren't a weed?'
"An' Dadda wooks at'em an' shakes his hed an' says, 'No, dey are berries ob sum kind.'
"So Maman wooks atta stuff I'm markin, squeezin' drops cos I bin out heer so long, den turns around, points to a row ob sum udder plants an axts Dadda, 'Whut's dis stuff?'
"An' Dadda plucks summa da leebs onna plant she pointin' at, an' sniffs 'em an' says, 'Lemmon sage'.
"An' dey go on downna row.
"An'dey come toda lilac bush/tree dat has udder fings gwoin unner'neaf ob it.
"So I'm sniffin' an' still markin' cos now we're outsideobbagate onna side obba houz, an' dat area h'ain't been prop'ly marked inna wong time, onna'count ob me not bein' 'lowed outsideobbagate an' Dadda not doin' his job wiffa markin. So it's sniff, walk, lift-leg, squeeze (cos I bin out a wong time); walk, sniff, walk, lift-leg, squeeze. Good fing it only takes a drop or I'd be in trubble. I notice dat we gots 'possums, too, an' wooks wike a bunny wast week dat was passin' fru fromma yard nestest stoor. She don't come heer regular cossa me, but she comes sumtimes. I don't mind, but I kin smell she's afraid, so I put a widdle reassurance innu dat mark.
"Ennyways, Maman an' Dadda hab stopped an' are starin' byda lilac bush. So I goes back, cos no one is payin' 'tension to me. Gotta see whut's happinin' cos it's da Pack way to do ebberyfing togedder.
"An' Maman is sayin' to Dadda, 'Dis happined bifor. We cut it down an' bury it inna bottom obba buckit. An' now it's bak.'
"An' Dadda is wike, 'Well, you gots to diggit out. But whut I don't unnerstan is: 'Howdaheck did it ged heer inna furst pwace? Sumone pwant it?'
"An' Maman's wike, 'It's natib toda mid-'lantic states. Grows assa weed most enny pwace. An' it's in dis pwace
an' it can't stay. Mygosh we'll be 'rested!'
"An' Dadda geds da clippins buckit anna gardin fork an' ebben doh it's a hunnert degrees an' he's drippin' wadder off his hed, he starts diggin' atta plants atta bottom obba lilac tree.
"An' Maman wanders off cos she hassa 'tension span obba well-developed gnat.
"An' cos nuffink seemsta be happinin, I go back to markin. An' dere is dis fing I find inna ground byda lilac tree, stikin' up. Made ob metal. Smells wike Dadda an' hassa brand noo hose atta end obbit. Well, dis hassn't bin marked! So I pick up my leg for like da hundreth time...
"An' alla sudden, da hose jumps, anna metal fing gibs a widdle choke an' HolycowSaintMichaelanallaarchangels, dere's wadder comin' outta dat fing!
"An' it's *REALLY* comin' out!
"We're talkin' sprayin' all ober wiffa *chug* *spritz* *chug* *spritz* sound as it begins tossin handfuls ob wadder around inna circle aroundonna lawn.
"Well, Border Collies are known for dere fast reactions. An' I got good reactions ebben for a Border Collie. So I'm off like a shot.
"Middle-aged Englishmen are not known for dere fast reactions. Our Dadda issa Troo Englishman.
"An' Maman ambles aroun da corner obba houz an' she's wookin' as I shoot past. So she sings out, 'Marc! Come!"
"So I circles back.
"An' she says, 'Sit! Stay!
"So I sits down by her left-knee an' wooks. An' dere issa sprinkler, shootin wadder inna orderly circle onna lawn, an alla piles ob stuff, neatly marked by m, but habbin dere markins washed off byda wadder, an' dere's Dadda wiffa gardin' fork, stuffin sum green plants innu da bottom obba clippins bin.
"An Maman is wike, 'Issn dis nice, Zachary-Marcus? We're gardinin'."
-------------- As told to George Bunny ob Our Warren
Posted by Our Warren
at 3:31 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 26 June 2005 4:07 PM EDT