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Sunday, 26 June 2005
Gardin vs. Maman
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Whutta Dawg Sed
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit
Well, heer we go agin: da continuin' story ob Maman, Dadda anna Our Warren Memorial Gardin.



As you know, we godda Our Warren Memorial Window dat wooks out ober what Maman an' Dadda are hopin' will one day be da Our Warren Memorial Gardin.























Maman made a start on dis by creatin' da Our Warren HerbGardin. Which is berry nice, if somewhat onna small side. But dis is Hokay, because as Belinda Bunny pointed out oncet, "Big twees gwow frum widdle nuts, an' if dat's troo, den we godda whole forest rite heer in dis houz, just waitin' to gwow."



Ennyway.

Maman an' Dadda went toda "Home-De-Pot" store yestidday, where I guess dey sell pots to take home (considerin' da name) an' udder fings (considerin' whut came home wiff Maman an' Dadda inna Buick).

Now bemember, it has bin hot outside, wif no rain for awhile.

So.

Here commed Dadda wiffa widdle gardin fork anna equal-sized small shubble. Why he didn gedda full-sized stuff, I'll nebber know. Mebbe dey will grow bigger ober time. Whutebber.

Den Maman staggars fru da Bun Room wiffa prong fing wif a handle on top for turnin' uppa ground (she says). An' den Dadda comes fru wiffa'nudder bag wiffa hose innit an' sum rose snippers he calls, secateurs which is French for "rose snippers".

Anna Cokie-da-Fat-Cat wanders up,wooks at alla stuff, den wooks at me an' says, "Dis don' wook good. I'm goin' uppastairs, outta da way bifor ennyfing bad happins." An' he an' Beep beats feets forda Office which is onna sekond floor an' dat's da end ob dem.

Hoomins are wrong aboud ratz. It's Catz dat will allus be da furst ones offa sinkin' ship.

Soda Dawg comes up an' sniffs all stuff onna floor, wooks at me an' says, "Oh goody! We be's going outside!"

So I says to him, "You go an' watch 'em an' tell me whut happins."

Anna Dawg says, "Fine wif me."

Cos he's stoopit wike dat.

An heer comes Maman an' she's wearing glubs on hur hands wif fwowers on'em, anna long skirt (ob course) an she hassa square fing tied around her middle. An' she puts dat sekkytoors fings inna widdle pockit an' says toda Dawg,

"Hokay, Hose-nose. Wet's go."

Now I havta depend onna Dawg to tell whut happined nextest, cos he was out dere inna yard an' I wassn't.

So heer is Whutta Dawg Sed:

"Anna Maman an' me is walkin', me onna left-side-by-da-knee which is right, anna Maman comes toda roses an' she says,

"Ohmygoodness, wook-at-dat! Black-spots!"

"So I wook, but whuttaheck? Dere's a squirell inna tree wot's throwd a twig at me, so I run toda tree an bark cos dat's a threat! So Maman hollars,

'Shaddap, Dawg!'

"So I haveta shut up an go sit by da left-side-ob-her-kneee, which is rite. You'd fink she knowed a threat when she seed one, cos squirells issa menace to p'lite compiny, but she dont see dat - she finks dey are 'kyoot. So she's not payin' 'tension to where her feets are cos she's wookin' up forda squirell dat's alreddy gone, an' so she falls ober me.

"Toes inna side! Dat hurts But I don't whimper, doh, cos I amma manly dawg.

"So I know my trainin'. Number A: Sniff da Maman, Number B: Stand steady, Number C: Let her use me to ged herself back on her feets agin; Number D: Sit beside-da-left-knee-an'-wook-up-reassuringly. I am notta Serbice Dog for nuffin'.

"Good-to-go.

"So she goes back to clippin' bits ob rosebush an' frowin' 'em onna ground. I do not hand dem bak to her, cos she alreaddy sed, 'No' an' I ain't stoopit.

"So when she's finished wiffa roses, she moobs on to whut she calls 'Hedge' dat is uppagainstdafence.

"Well, dat 'Hedge' don't smell rite, so I walks ober, lifts my leg, an marks it. She don't like me markin' stuff while she's watchin', I don't fink, but it's too bad. My gardin, an' I gotta mark whut's mine. An' cos I bin out inna gardin wif her for awhile now, I'm squeezin drops, Rabbit, lemme tell ya.

"So she's cuttin' branches now an' throwin' 'em inna pile behind herself. Pile don't got markings on it, so I mark da pile, too. You nebber know. Gotta keep up wif dis markin' stuff or you can loose your terrytorry. Ebbery dawg knows dis, ebben if hoomins don't seem to ged it.

"So by now we're onna bottom pawt obba gardin an' Maman's till cuttin' an makin' piles. An' now she comes to anudder string ob stuff. She makes 'tch, tch' sounds. Says to me, "Wookout forda thorns, Hose-nose."

"Wall, dat's whut I gots hair down'dere for. Keep it cleen, keep it fuzzy, keep fleas outta it an' it werks as it shuld to p'tectk your markin' 'quipmint frum thorns, nettles an all sorts. I ain't stoopit.

"So she's cuttin' an' bendin', an' bendin' an' pullin' wiffa cutters, an' geddin' red inna face an' Dadda comes up an axts,

"Why you cuttin outta blackberries?"

"An Maman's wike, 'Whut?'

"An Dadda is wike, 'Da blackberries. Or raspberries. Too early to tell which, but it's wunnada two. Why's you cuttin' 'em out?'

"An' he's not markin' ennyfing. He's berry lazy aboud markin', I notice. He only marks in one room. Dat is notta way to keep his Pack's terrytory from tresspasses fruma'nudder pack. Ya gotta mark ebberywhere's. Dat's why pawt ob my name is "Marc", cos I dose alla it around heer. It's "Zackary-Marc" an' I don't ebben wait forda rest ob it, I just go ahead an start markin', cos I know Dadda hasn't dunit, ebben if he is Da Alpha Male.

"So I'm markin' da pile ob thorns.

"An' Maman says, 'You meen we wanna keep dees thorny fings? Dey aren't a weed?'

"An' Dadda wooks at'em an' shakes his hed an' says, 'No, dey are berries ob sum kind.'

"So Maman wooks atta stuff I'm markin, squeezin' drops cos I bin out heer so long, den turns around, points to a row ob sum udder plants an axts Dadda, 'Whut's dis stuff?'

"An' Dadda plucks summa da leebs onna plant she pointin' at, an' sniffs 'em an' says, 'Lemmon sage'.

"An' dey go on downna row.

"An'dey come toda lilac bush/tree dat has udder fings gwoin unner'neaf ob it.

"So I'm sniffin' an' still markin' cos now we're outsideobbagate onna side obba houz, an' dat area h'ain't been prop'ly marked inna wong time, onna'count ob me not bein' 'lowed outsideobbagate an' Dadda not doin' his job wiffa markin. So it's sniff, walk, lift-leg, squeeze (cos I bin out a wong time); walk, sniff, walk, lift-leg, squeeze. Good fing it only takes a drop or I'd be in trubble. I notice dat we gots 'possums, too, an' wooks wike a bunny wast week dat was passin' fru fromma yard nestest stoor. She don't come heer regular cossa me, but she comes sumtimes. I don't mind, but I kin smell she's afraid, so I put a widdle reassurance innu dat mark.

"Ennyways, Maman an' Dadda hab stopped an' are starin' byda lilac bush. So I goes back, cos no one is payin' 'tension to me. Gotta see whut's happinin' cos it's da Pack way to do ebberyfing togedder.

"An' Maman is sayin' to Dadda, 'Dis happined bifor. We cut it down an' bury it inna bottom obba buckit. An' now it's bak.'

"An' Dadda is wike, 'Well, you gots to diggit out. But whut I don't unnerstan is: 'Howdaheck did it ged heer inna furst pwace? Sumone pwant it?'

"An' Maman's wike, 'It's natib toda mid-'lantic states. Grows assa weed most enny pwace. An' it's in dis pwace an' it can't stay. Mygosh we'll be 'rested!'

"An' Dadda geds da clippins buckit anna gardin fork an' ebben doh it's a hunnert degrees an' he's drippin' wadder off his hed, he starts diggin' atta plants atta bottom obba lilac tree.

"An' Maman wanders off cos she hassa 'tension span obba well-developed gnat.

"An' cos nuffink seemsta be happinin, I go back to markin. An' dere is dis fing I find inna ground byda lilac tree, stikin' up. Made ob metal. Smells wike Dadda an' hassa brand noo hose atta end obbit. Well, dis hassn't bin marked! So I pick up my leg for like da hundreth time...

"An' alla sudden, da hose jumps, anna metal fing gibs a widdle choke an' HolycowSaintMichaelanallaarchangels, dere's wadder comin' outta dat fing!

"An' it's *REALLY* comin' out!

"We're talkin' sprayin' all ober wiffa *chug* *spritz* *chug* *spritz* sound as it begins tossin handfuls ob wadder around inna circle aroundonna lawn.

"Well, Border Collies are known for dere fast reactions. An' I got good reactions ebben for a Border Collie. So I'm off like a shot.

"Middle-aged Englishmen are not known for dere fast reactions. Our Dadda issa Troo Englishman.

"An' Maman ambles aroun da corner obba houz an' she's wookin' as I shoot past. So she sings out, 'Marc! Come!"

"So I circles back.

"An' she says, 'Sit! Stay!

"So I sits down by her left-knee an' wooks. An' dere issa sprinkler, shootin wadder inna orderly circle onna lawn, an alla piles ob stuff, neatly marked by m, but habbin dere markins washed off byda wadder, an' dere's Dadda wiffa gardin' fork, stuffin sum green plants innu da bottom obba clippins bin.

"An Maman is wike, 'Issn dis nice, Zachary-Marcus? We're gardinin'."


-------------- As told to George Bunny ob Our Warren

Posted by Our Warren at 3:31 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 26 June 2005 4:07 PM EDT
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Wednesday, 22 June 2005
Who Wants Tabe A Hiltun? Not Us!
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Whutsamatta Wif Bein' Me?
Topic: Me 'n' Mouse

I was tawkin' to Mouse onna'count ob him watchin' tellybishon wif Maman.

Yeah.

Well, he comed back innu da Bun Room wast nite afta "LawNorder" an' sed,

"Hey George. You wanna be a Hiltun?"

An' I was wike, "Whutsa 'Hiltun'?"

An' Mouse godda raisin frum his crock an wooked at me fora minit, chewin', an' den sed, "Howdaheck do I know? Bud it's onna TeeBee: 'Who Wants Tabe a Hiltun?'. An' dere are alla dees hoomins jumpin' uppandown, an' tawkin' wike dey are entirely stoopit, an' dis wady wif big bottom-pawts shakin' her hed wike Maman does whenna Dawg slops his wadder onna floor."

An' I sed, "So, whutsit alla'bout?"

An' Mouse sed, "I dunno. Dey just axt 'Who Wants Tabe a Hiltun?' So I thought I'd axt you if you wanted to be one, too. Seems da fing to do, you know?"

So Missy wooks up frum her hay an' axts, "Whut does bein' a Hiltun ged you?"

An' Mouse sat down, scratched his ear a widdle an' sed, "I dunno. Da hoomins just sed dat dey rilly, rilly wanted to be one."

Den Beebe-Bunny jumped up for no partikyoolar rezon, an' shouted, "YO!"

But he's allus doin' dat.

So, Mouse axted him if he wanted tabe a Hiltun, an' Beebe wooked at Mouse sorta cwoss-eyed an sed, "Whut for?", an den he gaddered his feets unnerneaf ob him fora popcorn binky.

An' Clover was sittin' in her pootybox, an' she says, "Wookit, I fink bein' me is fine. Who else am I gonna be? I mean, wook. Wassn't Hunny an' Maggie Weddinbunnies oncet? An' dey gotta ride inna baskits downna fing at SainLuke's wiffa ReverendDoktorGinnySheay an' Maman an' Dadda, an' Hunny sed it wassa wotta fuss an' bodder. So bein' Weddinbunnies is not sumfing dat I hab high on my list ob Fings To Be. An' den Belinda wassa Churchbunny, an' she sed she got to go to SainLuke's, too, an' she at weast got to snuffle up cookie crumbs unnerneaf obba tabul inna big room, but she also sed dat dere were a wot ob widdle kidlets runnin' around, an' sum guy dat didn't wike bunnies. So bein' a Churchbunny isn't high on my list ob Fings To Be, eidder. I fink I wike bein' me."

"So whut are you?" Asked Mouse.

"Miz CloverBun, A Gurl ob RIFRAF."

"Just dat?"

"Yup."

Mouse piked atta piece ob hay an' cut it innu short bits.

"You see..." He sed, as he was cuttin' da hay, "Da fing is...*snip*... Dat hoomins onna tellybishon... *bite*... is allus doin' stuff... *snip*... Dey are not happy just bein'...dem."

Den he finked fora minit an' added: "An' dere wassa 'Bride' dat runned away. Dey made a big deal ob dat. She runned away frumma weddin'. Maman an' Dadda didn't run away, did dey?"

Clover shook her head so dat her ears flapped.

"So dey wassn't onna TeeBee." Mouse continnyued.

An' Clover sed, "Nope. I wuld hab herd Belinda say sumfing aboudda fing wike dat."

"Dey was just dem."

An' I sed, "Well, whuttaheck else was dey gonna be?"

An' Mouse sed, "Dey wassn't Hiltuns, right?"

An' Missy sed, "Nope, nebber."

"So I guess we're safe."

"Frum?" Axted Beebe, as he popcorned ober Clover's back again.

"Bein' Hiltuns."

An' I sed, "Yeah. I don't fink Maman has enny pwans in dat direkshun. She sed she hadda do 'laundree' tomorry, so bein' a 'Hiltun' is preddy much outta da pikchur."

An' Mouse nosed aroun' in his pellet crock fora minit an' den wooked up an' sed, "Good. Cos dere is no way enny ob us is gonna go lib in dat tiny box called a Teebee wiffa fat wady inna green dress. I much radder habba habbytat heer, wiffa Bun Room, a screen-porch, an' alla udder stuff we got den to go off to Teebee-land tabe a Hiltun."

An' Missy stopped chewin' an' sed, "You gotta go lib inna box to be a Hiltun? Well, fregdaboud dat! Stoopit hoomins. Bedder to be me."

An' wooked at her, cos she is my wifebun an' all. An' I sed, "So why issit so gweat to be you?"

An' Missy sed, "Cos you know where you are wif yourself when you're me."

An' Mouse kind chuckled, reel quiet ober in his habbytat, an' crunched wunna da gwape toe-may-toes dat Maman put in wif our salads.

"Yeah, " he 'peted. "You know 'zactly where you are wif you. We are in our Forever Home. No more shelters, no more OnAlone. An' dat's preddy much good enuf for me."

An' we agreed, cos whodaheck wants tabe whutebber a Hiltun is, ennyways?

------------By George


Posted by Our Warren at 2:06 PM EDT
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Friday, 17 June 2005
Da Return ob Belinda Bunny
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: HareWare
Topic: Da Lore
You godda heer dis, cos it happined!

Yeah!

You know dat it has bin rilly hot all week. I'm tawkin so hot dat nobunny was rilly bein' outsides, 'cept forda Dawg, who hasta use da Outsides assa pootie-box, cos dat's whut Dawg do.

But wast nite, it wassa widdle bit cooler, so Maman an' Dadda wheeled alla habbytats frumma Bun Room out on toda Screen-Porch so we culd catch summa da breezes dat was suddenly stawtin' to blow.

So.

Last evenin' on yestidday, while we was Alla Us Togedder sittin' in our habbytats onna Screen-Porch wif Maman an Dadda, it got rilly dark an' dere were a lotta cwouds inna sky anna wind got up rite afta dinnertime!

An' Maman an' Dadda an' Alla Us Togedder were sittin' dere onna Screen-porch, when Maman jumped up wif her eyes rilly big an' called to Dadda, "Come on! Da Fwag is still up!"

An' dey skurried out toda fwagpole dat is inna frunt gardin - well, Dadda did. Maman anna Dawg stayed just inside obba frunt door, watchin, cos Dadda figgers dat da two ob dem is wess trubble watchin' den if dey is helpin'.

So, Dadda is out dere wiffa ropes an' stuff, an' alla wind is blowin', anna fwag is fallin' downna fwagpole, an' he's catchin' it, an alla'sudden, it's wike sumbun opined uppa sky an' dumped out alla rain at one time!

Yeah!

An' Dadda's got his arms fulla Fwag, an ropes, an' he's twyin' to tie uppa ropes inna wind anna rain, an just as he geds ebberyfing tied up - sumbun turns offa fawcett inna sky - an ~Whoops~ da rain moobs on anna sun pops out.

An den Maman geds all hextcited an' stawts pointin' atta sky an' 's'klaims, "Wook! Wook ober dere! It'ssa rainbow! Da Rainbow Bridge!"

So, ob course, we all wooked, cossa Rainbow Bridge is pawt obba Lore. It is where ebberybunny goes wiffa Black Rabbit, da Gateway toda Meadows where we can wait for our Hoomins so we can begin Da Great Journey to God's One Warren, Alla Us Togedder. It's where Belinda went, an' where Poet is, anna pwace dat Hunny saw in his Ancient Rabbits Dreams. An ebbery fur, fin an feather child dat has ebber libbed is dere, waitin' for dere Person to begin da Journey toda Forebber Home. It's da Rainbow Bridge an' you only get to see it sumtimes, on speshul days whenna sun, anna wind, anna sky is just perfekt.

An' dat issa Lore, an' dat is Troo.

An' so, we Alla Us Togedder, wooked up to where Maman was pointin', an dere it was! A piece obba rainbow was inna sky, shinin' against da dark, dark cwouds!

It was justa Gateway toda Rainbow Bridge!

An' Dadda wooked up, all dwippy-wet an' hollars, "Oi! Belinda! Quit'cher buggerin' about, ya miserable camel-faced auld cow!"

An' Maman's wike, "Whuttahecksgodinnuyou?"

An' Dadda, all drippy-wet wooks at her, berry reasonable-wike, an' says,

"Well, can't you just see her? She's done it again - peed all ober ebberybun an' now she's laffin' aboud it! Rite frumma Rainbow Bridge!"

So I guess, wike Maman an' Dadda keeps sayin': Belinda nebber quite leebs us. She's allus just dere, just outta site, an' as close assa nextest thought.

Bud, you see, I alreddy knowed dis cos she told me dis is whut wuld happin.

So yeah, she wuld rilly approob ob my friend, Mr Wally LaserLips, Mr Joon, who libs in Callyfornia, an' issa Chef anna Food Reviewer an' writer, an ebberyfing, an' he has his pikchur on tee-shirts an totebags, an' hassa compiny ob his berry own! He's a berry faymus bunny, an' he ebben has his Mawmie werkin' for him! An' he issa Inspirryashun to bunnies wike me who are still growin' to be 'Tellygint!

An' you know whut? You can visit his web-site, too! An' you can habba Chef Wally shirt, an' see alla wunnerful pottery dat his Mawmie creates!

So click onna noo HareWare! link onna left-hand side obba dis page, unner da heading "Bunny Blogs", or cut-and-paste dis URL to your browser window and click "go": http://harewear.tripod.com/
An' come an see dis berry speshul bunny site!

Cos Belinda wuld want you to. An' you know whut she does when she doesn't ged her own way...

--------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 12:21 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 17 June 2005 12:37 PM EDT
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Thursday, 16 June 2005
HooBoy!
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: Foolin' Natchur
Topic: Movin' On!
Maman waked up dis mornin' aboud five-AM, comed out innu da Bun Room an' told me dat dis was wunna dose mornin's when she felt wike she wished her hed wuld fall off an roll unnerneaf obba sofa where we wuld hab to go pokin' around, wookin' for it wif sticks.

An' I wooked at Missy an' sed,

"Whoa."

An' it was all cloudy out, wiffoud sunshine for once, which issa good fing, cos it has bin rilly HOT heer.

Not *heer* inna Bun Room, cos we hab sumfing called "central air" which seems to be datta heat-vent blows cold air for me an' Missy to sit-upon.

But when Maman opins da Back Door to wet outta Dawg...

Lemme tell you, whut comes in fru dat door is wike whut comes outta dat udder white box inna kitchin where Maman puts Dadda's dinner - da Obin.

An whenna Dawg comes inna'gin, he says dat it is HOT out dere an' dat da onliest fing you can do is to sit inna grass unner a tree an' keepa Eye Out Fur Squirrells. Cos ennyfing else is just more den wun Dawg can cope wif.

Maman sed we can't go out onna Screen-Porch onna'count ob it bein' too hot out dere, too, an' so we are stayin' inna Bun Room, sittin' ober dat "Cental Air" fing, singin' songs an' habbin' hay. Cos dat's whut bunnies do when dere is too much sun - just take it easy.

But not Maman or Dadda. Nope. Hoomins are stoopit wike dis. Dey go out inna sun, or else dey keep doin' fings wike it is not hot out.

But ebbin' if it is not hot inna houz, your insides know dat it is hot outside. Dey know dat whut is inside is not rite compared to whut is outside an' dat sumfing is wrong wiffa entyre pikchur ob Whut Rilly Is Goin' On.

Yeah.

Cos your insides know dat dere is too much sun outside, an' dat it is too hot to be doin' so menny fings, but dat you are inna (big werds comin' up heer) "arty-fish-ul en-vy-ron-mint" dat is not reel.

Dat's whut "arty-fish-ul" means: NOT REEL. Fake.

An' "en-vy-ron-mint" means: whut's around you, whut you are libbin' in.

So, basikly, it means dat you are libbin' in whut's not reel, an' you insides know dat dey are bein' fooled an' dey don't wike it.

An' so, your insides are wettin' you know dat dey know dat you are tryin' to PRE-TEND fings aren't as dey rilly are!

Yup.

An', you know, you shuld not try to fool your insides innu finkin' dey are sumwhere's dey are not, cos dey still know dat outside dis cool, nice, arty-fish-ul en-vy-ron-mint inside obba houz, it is still majorly HOT outside obba houz inn reel werld.

Bunnies know dis wiffoud bein' told, cos we listen to our insides.

It's wike dis:

How do you fink datta bunny inna burrow knows da wedder outside obba burrow? How do you fink we know how deep to dig da burrow, or where to dig it, or how to place it so it will be outta da wind an' rain?

Our insides knows.

An' we listen to our insides.

Dis is why, ebben wiffa "Central Air" coolin' our butts, we still lie aroun inna Bun Room an' act wike we is outside inna burrow, an' sing songs all day an' eat hay - cos our insides aren't fooled by da "Central Air" blowin' up our fur.

We know dat da "Central Air" issa fake air, anna "Arty-fish-ul En-vy-ron-mint".

Da reel deal is out dere where da Dawg is, onna grass, unner'neaf obba trees. An' just wike da Dawg says (which we alreddy know) it is HOT out dere!

An' we're smawt enuf to sit still, cos we listen to our insides.

But Maman an' Dadda go on wike da outside don't happin - which is why whin Maman gotted up dis mornin', her hed felt wike a punkin', an' her joints won't werk, an' she can't find enny balance, an' she's needin alla da coffee-inna-pot just to stay upright on her feets.

Cos listenin' is notta hoomin fing.

Yeah. I hab noticed dis bifore: hoomins do not listen to much besides whut dey wanna heer.

An' I fink I know why...

It's cos dey gots small ears.

Yup. Small ears, close to dere heds, dat don't moob well.

It's gennyetricks. Or sumfing. But dat's whut's happined to dem - dey hab small ears, so dey can't listin to whut's goin' on alla round, unless it's comin' frum inside ob dere heds.

It's worse den dags or catz, I'm tellin' you.

Hoomins are EAR-er-ly challenged (which means dat dey can't help it).

All I can say, issat it issa good fing dat Maman an' Dadda hab Companion Bunnies!

------- by George

Posted by Our Warren at 8:19 AM EDT
Updated: Thursday, 16 June 2005 8:36 AM EDT
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Monday, 6 June 2005
Memorial Day
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: Bememberin'
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit

Well, Memorial Day wassa innerestin' week-end, lemme tell you!

Furst ob all, Memorial Day is notta Day, it issa coupla days all strung togedder innu one big mess ob days an' nites when stuff is goin' on. But Hoomins tend to call it all "Memorial Day" wike it was all onwy wun day when it's not.

Sekond fing to know issa Memorial Day issa time to bemember ebberybunny who has ebber bin inna Millyterry Serbices. In Our Warren, it seems dat dis icloods a wotta hoomins...
Maman's Dadda, who is Our Bim, who was inna Naby Medical Corps at Bainbridge Naval Hospiddle.
Maman's Unkul Eck who was inna Army in Europe an' was on Gen'ral Patton's Staff.
Dadda's Dadda, Jack, who serbed inna Royal Engineers, an' was in Burma an' den stayed wiffa Regiment.
Dadda's Unkul who was Jack's brudder who was inna Royal Naby an' serbed onna famos ship.
Phil who was inna Naby in Pepsicola.
An' ebben Maman's greatest great-great-great-sumfing grandest-fadder who wassa gen'ral inna Rebbelooshunary War an' sum stuff, an' dees udder great guys who was inna Cibble War all ober da pwace.

So we had sum Quiet Time to bemember alla des hoomins, as well as alla mules, horses, dawgs an' pigeons who serbed inna Millyterry. An' Phil sed dere are dolphins, too, cos he met sum ob dem.

An' Maman sed it was 'portant for us to bemember dat dere were annymals who serbed inna millyterry, an dat dere were wimmins an' men, an' sumtimes ebben childrens who ran away to be inna Serbices onna'count ob dey beliebed in whut was bein' fought for. She sed dat Our Bim runned away frum College an' so did his friends, an' sed dey was older den dey rilly were, just so dey culd get to be pilots.

But only wun ob dem became pilots, an' his name was Dave Sweet, an' he wassa onwy wun who didn't come back.

Our Bim told Maman dat his airplane went up frumma hareplane carrier wun day inna Pasifik, an' dere wassa fight wif udder hareplanes, an' when alla hareplanes wooked aroun', nobun culd find Dave Sweet's hareplane. It was just gone, an' nobun knew where it went. Maman sed dat mebbe da angels reached down an' taked it, so dat's whut I'm finkin'. You know, dat Bim's friend Dave Sweet flied so high datta angels just reached outta hand an' taked him off to show him da Rainbow Bridge, an' so he an' Our Bim could meet up dere, you know? Afta alla dees yeers.

So Maman bringed us alla us togedder wif her innu da Sittin' Room at Monday Nite an' we listened an' watched sum orchestra anna band an' stuff, playin' music for Memorial Day. Mouse sed it wassn't "Law-n'Order", but sumfing speshul, an' I guess it was, cos we was all dere.

An' Maman sed it was good to bemember, an' good to be sad aboud alla hoomins who had been inna millyterry, an' dat it was good to know how ebberybunny was brave, an' sad to know how young ebberybunny was habbin' to be brave. She sed dat mebbe sumday, ebberybunny wuld know whut bunnies know - dat dere issn't a need to fight ober ennyfing, 'cept against does hoomins who want to make you slabes to dem.

An' whin da tellybishon program was ober, she played a song for us called "Rool Brittanya" (I fink dat wassa name obbit) an' it sed aboud nebber, nebber, nebber will be slabes.

An' she sed dat was for Dadda's Jack.

An' yeah, dat's hokay wif us.

An' we got parsley, sum dill, an' widdle cherry tomatoes for tweats.

----------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 10:23 AM EDT
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Monday, 23 May 2005
Top Bunning
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: Whuttaheck Am I Doin' Heer?
Topic: The Next Generation

I am bememberin' sumfing Hunny told me.

"Da key to bein' a Top Bun is to allus okkypie da high ground. Ebben if your highest ground issa pootie-box, okkypie it."

So, I been spendin' da mornin', okkypyin' da pootie-box, which (afta Missy's last visit) issa highest point inna habbytat.

Sumhow, I don't see whut alla fuss issa'bout.

I can't see more frum up heer.

I can't 'zacktly do ennyfing speshul while I'm heer, 'cept sit.

Dere's nuffin' in par-tick-you-lar goin' on, but here I am sat, onna pootie-box, okkypyin da highest ground around, wike Hunny sed.

Now he allus managed to wook diggyfied doin' dis, but I habba sneeky feelin' dat I wook preddy silly.

Maman just came by wiffa Dawg, an' she said, "Whoa George! Back inna 'High Life' are you?" an she *waffed*.

Ebben da Dawg grinned, an' he was headed outta door for his Mornin' Bark (which issa berry serious fing for dawgs, lemme tell you.). It issa way dat dawgs communykate wif each udder. As pawt ob my learnin' to grow 'Tellygint, I axt da Dawg aboud dis, an' so I learned:

1.) Dawgs hab two times ob day when dey go outside just to bark.
2.) Dis kind ob barkin' is not meant to be annoyin' to ennywun. It is barkin' to hextchange infortymashun wif udder dawgs inna area.
3.) Furst dawgs trot around dere terrytorry an' mark it.
4.) Den dey okkypie da Highest Ground an' announce dat dey are where dey are 'sposed to be an' dat dere terrytorry is sekure.
5.) Den dey listen to udder dawgs say da same fing.
6.) Dawgs also announce if dere terrytorry has bin Invaded, or ebben just bisited by Sum Outsider. Dey also warn each udder if sumfing is New or Strange.

Dis is all becos Dawgs are Pack Annymuls. Zachary-Marcus says we are in his Pack an' he issa Beta Male who is on dooty when Dadda (who issa Alpha Male) is not. Zachary-Marcus is also da Hed Barker onna'count obba Factk dat he issa only troo dawg in his Pack. He told me dat dere are menny Packs wike dis Pack, wif Beta Males or Females taking uppa job as Hed Barkers libbin' heer. He knows becos he barks wif dem inna mornin' an' also inna late aftanoon.

So, you see, oncet again, okkypyin' da High Ground is impawtant. It is where da Hed Barker sits to announce his Noos.

So here I am onna High Ground, but bunnies don't bark to hextchange noos. I mean, iffa bunny wants to know whut's goin' on inna warren, he or she just wooks atta'nuther bunny an' whut dat bunny is doin' gibs da furst bunny alla infortymashun he or she needs to know. If one bunny is eatin', we all eat. If one bunny is sleepin', we all know it's hokay to sleep. If a bunny is starin' up innu da sky an' *thumps*, den we high-tail it outta there an' hed for da Warren, cos sumpthin' bad is comin'. Bunnies communykate mostly by seein' each udder.

So whut does seein' me on toppa da pootie-box say?

Well, Beebe is standin' on his pootie-box, an' Mr Mouse is standin' on his pootie-box, too. So dat makes free (3) ob us standin' onna pootie-boxes while da girls are eidder habbin' a wash or munchin' on hay.

So, whuttaheck am I doin' heer?

I dunno. I'm still werkin' on dis becomin' 'Tellygint fing. Hunny sed to okkypie da High Ground. Well, I've done it an' don't see dat I'm gettin' anyfing in par-tik-you-lar becos obbit.

Mebbe I'll go follow sum udder advice of Hunny's - "Hab sum hay an' habba nap."

Yeah, sounds good rite aboud now.

"Hab sum hay an' habba nap. Fings will wook much bedder when you wake up."

Now dat's advice to follow!

----------By George

Posted by Our Warren at 9:28 AM EDT
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Friday, 20 May 2005
May Showers
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: I Love A Rainey Day
Topic: The Next Generation

Oh yeah!

It's rainin' heer!

Afta 16 fresh-scrubbed days filled wif sunbeams anna bright bloo sky, it's comin' down in buckets.

An' you know whut?

It's wunnerful! Some mite ebben say luxurious. Udders wuld say it's just perfekt. An' it is. I knew it was gonna happin, too - knew wast night bifore I went to sleep.

Yeah. Wanna know how I knowed? It's pawt ob bein' 'Tellygint an' learnin' to use your nose to pwan ahead an' stuff. Hunny teached me. He sed, "When you smell dis smell at nite, it means rain bifore mornin'." So now, I allus smell da nite breeze, an' becos dere issa Roo-Teen, da nite-breeze is allus dere for me to sniff.

A Roo-Teen issa good fing to hab. It's a fing dat happins alla time, atta same time, ebbery nite, in preddy much da same way. Maman says we don't had Roo-Teens an' need to ged sum, but Dadda says we habba a Roo-Teen alreddy goin' for us, but it just don't werk so well.

Well, I dunno if da Roo-Teen we gots is enny bedder or worse den ennybunny else's Roo-Teen; each time we do it, it's a widdle bit dif'frunt fromma time we did it bifore, but it all ends up da same way - wif me geddin' to sniff da Night-breeze so I can smell whut da weather will be onna nextest mornin'.

Wike wast nite...

You see, firstest whut happined is dis: Phil called up Maman onna phone an' tawked.

An' tawked.

Which is notta bad fing. It's good dat he anna'Lanna call an' tawk wif Maman so she don't ged lonely fordem. I didn't heer much obba conbersayshun cos Maman was inna Sittin' Room an' Missy an' me was inna Bun Room, but I did heer sumfing aboudda p'rade, an' Memorial Day, an' dem dribin' up frum Mary-Land inna noo car, which was hokay wif me.

So dat's whut was goin' on inna Sittin' Room - Maman tawkin wif Phil.

An' den Dadda comed downnastairs frumma Office, an' you tawk aboudda P'rade! Dere was one rite behind ob Dadda as he comed downnastairs - an whut we're tawkin' heer is two Catz anna Dawg followin' on. Anna whole time dere comin' downnastairs, Cokie-da-Fat-Cat is compwainin' dat he is hongree.

So Dadda calls into da Sittin' Room dat he is stawtin' da Roo-Teen.

An' Maman gets offa phone-fing frum Phil an' she comes out innu da Kitchin.

So she's atta sink, washin' Kitty Dishes, anna Dawg Bowls, anna Bunny Crocks.

Anna Catz is p'radin' back an forf, tawkin.

An' Dadda says, "Wookit, you buggers, ged out frum unner my feets!"

He says dat alla time toda Catz, but da Stoopit Cat nebber listens. She just winds aroun' and aroun' Dadda's feets, tawkin'.

So Dadda falls ober her an' says a Bad Werd in Anglo-Saxon. He says I'm not 'lowed to type it, so I won't.

Den Cokie-da-Fat-Cat stawts tryin' to ged a wook innu da Dawg's bowl, butta Dawg don't wike dat, so da Dawg tries to shub Cokie outta da way. But shubbin Cokie is hard, onna'count obba fakt dat Cokie is pawt brick wall.

So Cokie shubs da Dawg back anna Dawg barks, an' Cokie says a Bad Werd in Cat an' pats da Dawg onna hed. Anna Dawg backs innu Maman who has Keepin' On Her Feets Ishoos.

So Maman yells atta Dawg, anna Dawg tries to appologise, an' hitta Cat wif his butt atta same time. So Cokie pats dat Dwag inna butt wif his claws out, an' Dadda yells at Cokie an' Cokie says he didn't mean enny harm, he was just combin' da Dawg's fur for him.

Anna Dawg barks, "No way!"

Anna Cat says, "Warowl", which is "Way!" in Cat.

So Dadda begins to opin cans ob food anna akshun heats up.

Dadda tells da Dawg to "Sit". Now dis is sumfing da Dawg lerned howta do in Skool. So da Dawg sits for aboud two sekonds an den stands upp'agin. So Dadda tells him to "Sit" an' "Stay".

Da Dawg "Sits". Which is preddy good, cos den da Stoopit Cat comes along an' rubs along unnerneaf da Dawg-head an' flicks her tail unnerneaf ob his nose. Soda Dawg whines an' sneeezes onna Stoopit Cat, anna Stoopit Cat goes ober to Cokie-da-Fat-Cat so she can rub da Dawg Snot off on him. But Cokie don't want enny Dawg Snot, so he sits up an' takes a swipe wif his big-ol'-paw atta Stoopit Cat.

Anna Stoopit Cat smacks him one upside ob Cokie's hed.

An' Dadda hollars an' tells dem dat dey are all "buggers" again.

Soda Stoopit Cat goes along an' comes innu da Bun Room. Well, da Dawg doesn't wike Catz inna Bun Room. It's wunna his "Roolz" dat dere will be No Catz Inna Bun Room. I agree: we don' wanna hab stinky catz inna Bun Room. So as soon assa Stoopit Cat sneaks innu Da Bun Room, da Dawg pops up an' starts to "stalk" da Stoopit Cat.

Now dis "stalkin'" is a fing dat Border Collies do. Dey hold dere heds down low an off toda side, an' walk quiet-footed, wif dere shoulders hunched up, ready to cut-and-run da minit da cat maks a moob. Anna catz know dis, so dey get as far unnerneaf obba bunny habbytats as dey can possibly get, where da Dawg can't fit to chase them.

So ob course, da Stoopit Cat goes unnerneaf ob Beebe an' Clover's habbytat, an' Beebe hollars out, "YO!" an' lets go wiffa 'normus *thump*. For a widdle guy, he's gotta powerful back feets, an' when he lets fly, poor ol' Clover bounces straight up-inna-air wike she's onna tramp-o-leen.

An' Dadda hollars forda Dawg to "Siddown", which da Dawg does, but he's still watchin' da Stoopit Cat wif his head down an' onna side. An' his eyebrows is goin' back an' forf an' upindown, werkin' obertime, wike mad. Den he just shifts his weight, sodat his paw is offa-ground, an' you just know whut's on his mind.

An' sure enuf, da Stoopit Cat makes a break forda Kitchin, an' wike a rockit, da Dawg is afta her. Da Stoopit Cat whips by between Dadda's legs an' skoots aroun' Maman an' ploughs bang into Cokie who is sittin' hed furst inna grocery bag an' didn't see her comin'.

Two fings I learned:
Number 1.:
Two catz cannot fit innu one grocery bag.
Number 2.:
When Dawgs don't know whut to do, they bark.

So now there issa whole lotta screemin' goin' on inna bag, anna Dawg slides to a stop an' stands ober da grocery bag, barkin' his hed off.

So Dadda hollars, "Dat's IT, damnit!" an slams downna can ob dog-food dat he was unloadin' unnu da Dawg Bowl, an' comes poundin' fru da Bun Room. An' he yanks opin da door toda back gardin an' hollars forda Dawg.

An' wookin' preddy sheepish, da Dawg comes an' paddles outta door.

Den Dadda goes back innu da Kitchin, anna grocery bag is suddenly empty anna catz are patrollin' da Kitchin wike nuffin' happined.

So Dadda gwabs dere bowls an' him anna catz all go uppa stairs togedder.

Den da door slams uppastairs an' Dadda comes back by himself.

An' dat's dat, cossa Catz are shut up inna Office where dey habba Guest Room, Office anna'nudder bafroom all to themselbes forda nite.

Den Dadda opins da door an' back in comes da Dawg, an' dis is when I discobbered dat it was gonna rain!

Becos onna night-breeze dat comes inna door wiffa Dawg, dere comes da smell ob rain!

Rain!

Yeah! Real rain an' I could smeel dat it was headed our way!

So now, dis mornin', the rain is heer, an' we habba soft, gentle kinda day wif no sun, just pearl-grey skys and silver rain drops.

Kind ob makes you wanna just stretch out an' habba nice, quiet nap.

You know?

----------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 8:51 AM EDT
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Wednesday, 18 May 2005
Big Trubble!
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Da Catz Did It!
Topic: The Next Generation

Lemme tell you, DIS WAS BAD!

Lastest nite, Maman an' Mouse was inna Sittin' Room watchin' Law-n-Order (which is Mouse's favourite program), an' Dadda was uppystairs inna Office werkin' on his 'puter, an' me an' Missy was sittin' iin our habbytat inna Bun Room ober da cool air vent - yeah.

So.

Do you bemember dat we hadda Heat Vent inna Bun Room, an how Clover an' Beebe an' Mouse all got mad at us cos dey sed Missy an' me were hoggin' alla warm air dat was comin' up outta da speshul Hole-Inna-Floor? Well, I axt Maman abouddit, an' she sed dat Hole-Inna-Floor was sumfing called a "HOT AIR VENT".

Yeah.

Seems dat unner'neaf obba floors in dis Noo Houz dere are dees pafways made outta metal boxes an' dey go innu da "Bazemint" where we bunnies are notta'lowed to go.

Well, Cokie-da-Fat-Cat goed down dere, innu da "Bazemint" (ebbin doh he is tek-nik-lee not 'lowed to go dere eidder, he snuck downnastairs to habba wook, cos Catz is susposed to be sneeky, he sed.). So he wint downnastairs innu da Bazemint an' came back to tell us Bunnies dat dere issa whole other bunch ob rooms (wike 3) down dere, unner'neaf obba whole houz.

Yeah.

An da furst room inna Bazemint hassa big cabinet innit where Maman hassa wotta stuff dat she buys atta mawkit. Cokie says dat dis issa "Pantree" she's allus tawkin' aboud gettin' stuff outta just bifore dinner. He sed it issa rilly big closet an' dere issa wotta stuff innit wike bog roll an' kitchin roll', an stuff in cans, an' stuff in boxes, an' dog food an' cat food, an justa'boud ennyfing else dat Maman needs to run da houz. An also in dis room are alla dek-or-a-shuns for alla HollyDays, all packed in boxes, wif tag onn'em, so Maman won't gedd'em mixt up. An' dere also issa wotta stuff dat Cokie finks pwob'ly goes onna Screened-In-Room dat we habbin't seed yet cos Maman sed it's still a widdle too chilly.

An' dat's dat room.

Den next dere issa'nudder room dat is fulla tools, all lined up onna walls, an in cabinets, an stuff. Cokie sed dis room wooks wike it belongs to Dadda, cos dere are alla tools an' metal boxes ob tools, an assortmints ob nails, an' wires, an screws an' wood, an stuff to make udder stuff. An' inna corner ob dis room dere issa rilly big box dat seems to habba fire inside obbit, anna rilly big, tall round fing wiffa shiney thick blankey around it, dat hassa wotta wadder innit. Anna metal boxes dat Maman sed were "HOT AIR VENTS" come outta da box wiffa fire innit an' dees go innu alla rooms inna houz, an' bring in alla da hot air to Missy an me. Cokie sed dis big box wiffa fire inside is called da "Fur-nace".

An den dere issa Fird Room, which issa biggest room ob alla da rooms inna Bazemint. An' in dis room dere issa speshul drawin' tabul, wif berry fancy tools hung ober it, anna wotta shelbs wif a wotta buks, anna wotta speshul papers wif pikchurs ob berry complykated-wookin' ships, an' trains an' hareplanes. An' dere are bunches ob cabinets wif hareplanes innn'em all lined up, all aroundda room. An' inna'nudder speshul cabinet wif glass doors an' lights inside, dere are dees ships wif tiny ropes wike spider's webs, an' widdle tiny cannons, an' widdle brass plates dat say fings wike "Fair American", an' "Providence" an' "HMS Victory".

An' you know whut else Cokie sed was down inna Bazemint? A whole railroad dat takes up half obba whole room!. Yeah! Anna railroad has tracks an' trains, an' widdle houzes, stores, an' farms, an' ebberyfing!

Budda trains an' all is berry widdle. Cokie says nobunny can ride on'em, not ebben Beebe or Mr Mouse, or ebben a gimmie-pig, or ebben a reel mousey or rattie, onna'count ob dees trains is rilly dat small, but dat dere issa whole widdle werld dat goes wiff'em, wif widdle shops an' widdle stores, an' widdle houzes, an' widdle cowz an' horzes, anna preddy big stashun (which is wike a big houze, only not big enuf to lib in) anna tuggin' boat dat is stuck in sum kinda stuff dat wooks a wot wike wadder, bud it's not.

An' Cokie sed dere are ebben mountains down dere datta train can go fru! Alla stuff is small, wike ebberyfing is for some rilly widdle hoomins. He says it's weird, wike dere issa whole werld down dere, a whole werld almost, wif nobunny libbin' innit, just trains, trains an' more trains!

An Cokie says datta whole room smells ob Maman's Dadda who we called "Bim". It's da same Bim dat singed us da "Spring Song" dat Belinda teached me, dat we sunged as soon as Winter was ober. Da same Bim who went toda Bridge bifore Belinda or Poet or Hunny. Cokie sed datta whole big room an alla stuff innit smells ob Bim an' ob Phil-da-Lad!

Isn't dat strange?

An whut is also strange is dat our Heat Vent inna Bun Room issn't blowin' warm air frumma Fur-ness inna Bazemint ennymore, eidder!

Now it's blowin COLD air! Can you beleeb it? It's blowin' cold air just wike da Air Condishywasher inna Old Bun Room inna Old Houz where we usta lib.

An' Zachary-Marcus, da Dawg, sed dat dere issa Big Round Fing just ober da fence in his Gardin dat goes off an' on, dat makes a hummin' noise on warm days. He says dat when dat Big Round Fing is hummin', dat's whin dere is cold air blowin' fru dees vents dat usta hab hot air blowin' fru dem.

I'm tellin' you, dere issa WOT to learn aboudda Noo Houz!

But as to whut happined wast nite an' howda Catz got inna whole lotta trubble...

Well.

Wike I sed, Maman an' Mouse was inna Sittin' Room, sittin' an' watchin' "Law-N-Order", an' Dadda was werkin' uppastairs on his 'puter in his Just-in-CAD Office, an' Missy an' I were inna Bun Room sittin' ober da vent dat was blowin' COLD air...

When alla'suddin, dere wassa TERRIBUL CRASH!

An' Dadda stawted yellin', an' Maman comed scurryin' outta da Sittin' Room, an dere's Mouse, holdin onta her good shoulder for deer life, wif his widdle ears bobbin' up-an-down ober her shoulder as she's climbin' uppastairs.

Well, Mouse sed dat whin dey got uppastairs, it was RILLY BAD!

Da Dawg was grovlin' at Dadda's feets, tryin' to squirm his way up Dadda's pantsweg wiffoud usin' enny paws. (Mouse sed you hadda see dis to beleeb it.) Anna Catz were bof tryin' to fit unneaf obba settee, only Cokie's butt was too big, so dere wassa wotta him still hangin' out, while his claws were all in four-wheel ober-dribe.

An' dere onna floor, nextest to Maman's desk was wunna dose ships wike was inna speshul cabinet wiffa lights in, inna Bazemint dat smelled wike Bim an' Phil-da-Lad. An' just wike does ships inna speshul cabinet inna Bazemint, dis ship had slender sticks for masts an' widdle skinny threads wike spider webs for ropes, an' widdle cannons all tied down onna planked deck wif widdle knots tied inn'em, an' ebbery detail just perfekt - only dis poor ship was in bits!

Mouse sed dat Maman just stared atta ship, while Dadda was 'splainin' datta Dawg had chased da Stoopit Cat up onta da shelb, an' she had tried to jump ober to Maman's desk an' missed, an' dat she had knocked ober da ship an' it had falled onna floor an' braked bifore Dadda could ebben ged outta his chair to catch it or hollar atta catz an' Dawg to "Stoppit".

An' Dadda was berry sad.

He sed he culd fix mostest fings, but dat fixin' dis poor ship was "Beyond him." An' he said dat mebbe they shuld waid for Phil to come frum Mary-wand, becos mebbe Bim had teached him aboudda ships, just wike he had teached him aboudda trains anna hareplanes...

But Maman didn't say ennyfing, Mouse sed. He sed she handed him ober to Dadda an' got down on her knees an' piked uppa brokin' ship an' set it in her lap. An' den she sat dere, holdin' da ship inn'er lap, sorta pokin' atta brokin' bits.

An' she said datta ship was named "Kersage", an' she listed alla ropes wike spider's webs dat was damaged, an named alla masts an' stuff, cos she issa 'storian an' it's pawt ob her business to know alla dat stuff.

An' she told Dadda how her Dadda, Bim, wiked to build da ships, but her pwace inna werld wasta know alla'bout'em, an' dat's how she an' Bim were: he did stuff an' she knowed alla background to whut he did. He stood in frunt ob pebble an' teached an' she stayed inna background, geddin' alla infortymashin for him. He presented stuff, an' she did alla lookin' stuff up for him. He published an' she wooked up alla fakts.

Maman sed it wassa good system.

But she sed dat mebbe dey wuldn't hafta wait for Phil to come to fix da ship afta all.

Becos ob alla years dat she spent inna background, she'd learned a wotta stuff dat nobun wuld hab thought, an' mebbe it was time for her to stawt doin' fings on her own, fora change.

So Maman putta "Kersage" on her desk, wif it's brokin masts an all, an she told da Dawg it was hokay, an' got Mouse back frum Dadda so Dadda culd see whut he culd do aboud gettin' Cokie's butt unstuck frum unner'neaf obba settee - an' don't'cha know Cokie was so upset by alla comoshun dat he hadda fit obba *horks* an' Dadda hadda spend some time pettin' him, so he wuld calm down an stop *horkin'*, but Cokie wuldn't stop *horkin'*, ob course, until Dadda went an' godda kitty tweat-box, an' den Cokie quit *horkin'*.

An' dat's da Big Trubble dat happined heer wast nite.

----------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 9:10 AM EDT
Tuesday, 17 May 2005
Sekond Post Obba Day - Important!
Mood:  smelly
Now Playing: Gas - I Need A Widdle Help Heer!
Topic: The Next Generation
Hokay, dis is sumfing I gotta know aboud, cos I don' unnerstand.

I was watchin' da Noos dis mornin' wif Maman. Well, axtchually, it was onna tellybishon an' it was called "Tiday", or "Good Day" or sumfing wif "day" innit, an' da hoomins onna show was talkin' aboud GAS an' how it costses so much munny.

An' Maman is sittin' dere inna Sittin' Room wif me, an' I'm sittin' onna settee wif her, anna Fat-Cat is sittin' in Dadda's Big Readin' Chair anna Dawg is spread out onna floor onna rug.

An' onna Tellybishon, dey are tawlkin' aboud GAS.

Well, as dey are talkin', alla suddin, da Dawg gets up frum sleepin' an' hassa wook at his tail. Den he, wike, sneeks a wook at me frum unnerneaf of his eyebrows, an' den he sneaks a wook atta Fat-Cat.

Anna Fat-Cat opins one eye an' stretches outta paw wif all ob his hooks pokin' out obbit.

An' den alla suddin', while I'm wigglin' my nose, I begin to smell sumfing.

An' it is nasty!

So I wook atta Dawg, an' I axt him, "Hey, Dawg, whuttaheckissat?"

Anna Dawg says, "I had sum cat-food."

An' alla suddin', da Fat-Cat sits up an' shakes an' wooks at Maman an' says, "She betta let you outside, Dawg, cos you STINK!

An' preddy soon Maman wooks at me wookin' atta Dawg an' she says, "George, dat can't be you!"

An' I wook at her an' say, "Nope, it sure isn't me cos I dunno whuttaheck dat was!"

Anna Dawg wooks at his tail again, an' says, "I fink I'm gonna moob. It's da chikin."

So I wook atta Dawg an' axt him, "Whutsamatta wif your back end dat you keep wookin' attit?"

"I got GAS." says da Dawg.

So I'm, wike, finkin' dis issa good fing, cos dey just was sayin' onna tellybishon dat GAS is so s'pensive, an' here we gots our berry own Dawg an' he's fulla GAS an' seems to be makin' more!

But Maman gets up frumma settee an' piks me up an' says toda Dawg, "You're goin' outside, Zachary-Marcus."

Anna Dawg says, "Yes, Ma'am." an' gets up an' follows behind Maman an' me as we go downnahall an' fru da Dinin' Room anna Kitchin an' innu da Bun Room. An' while we were passin' fru da Bun Room, Maman drops me off inna habbytat wif Missy.

So den Maman opins da door an' out goes da Dawg innu da Gardin'.

Anna Fat-Cat bumbles up an' Maman says to him, "Dere. Da Dawg's outside. Wet's hope he gets alla GAS outta his system out dere."

Anna Fat-cat is purrin' wike a big mixin' machine. An just afta he goes unnerneaf ob mine an' Missy's habbytat, he lifts up his tail an' says,

"Yruul"

Which is cat-tawk for, "Wook at me! I gots GAS, too!"

An' den da Fat-Cat says, "Burrruck." which is cat-speak for: "I hadda chikin wast nite, too."

An Maman suddenly sniffs atta air, an she wooks down atta Fat-Cat an' hollers at'him, "Good Lord, Cokie! Go on, get upstairs to your pootie-box! You're going to suffocate the bunnies!"

Anna Fat-Cat wooks at her, and says, "Airrrr!" which is his way ob sayin' bad werds aboudda Dawg, an decids frum da wook on her face dat Maman issn't kiddin' 'bout goin' uppastairs. So he beats feets outta da Bun Room an heads forda stairs an' shambles on up.

An' Maman leebs da Bun Room mutterin' aboudda "... tell Brian - No more ob dat darned canned chikin cat-food!"

Which leebs me sittin' inna habbytat wif Missy. An Missy is sittin' wif her butt wedged inna pooty-box.

So I axted her, "You got enny ob dat GAS stuff innu?"

An' Missy wooks at me an wifts up wun ear all superior-wike, an' says,

"No. I'm a wady an' wadies don't ebber hab GAS. Not ebber. It's just a nasty boy-fing!"

Hmmm.

So now I'm puzzled.

Cos iffa Fat-Cat has GAS, anna Dawg has GAS, an' GAS is such a s'pensib an' valuable commodity wike dey say it is onna tellybishon, den why is Maman wettin' alla GAS inna Fat-Cat anna Dawg an ebberybunny go outta da dem for free?

I mean, doesn't she wanna sell it? Or could we sell it an' ged rich?

Dadda sed dat if we culd sell Missy's pooties, we culd be rich. Dat's cos she has nice, round, big pooties. Dadda says dat Missy issa most 'ficient converter ob hay innu pooties dat he has ebber seed. An' he's seen a wotta pootie-converters, he says.

But for sum rezon, when Dadda says dis, Missy gets all mad an stuff.

But enneyways, I don' unnerstand enny ob dis stuff aboudda GAS!

Why do only Boyz habbit?

An' why issit so valuable?

An' why are dey tawkin' aboud GAS onna tellybishon? Don't dey hab enuf? Maybe we shuld send dem summa dat chikin cat-food?

An' why are our best sources ob GAS (an I know dis is troo cos Maman sed so!) - Why are our best sources ob GAS: Dadda, Phil, da Dawg an Cokie-da-Fat-Cat - just wettin' all obbit it woos innu da air for free? An'WHY is Maman wettin' dem!?

An' whuttaheck has chikin gotta do wiffit ennyways?

Enny help wuld be apprishyated, cos I am wun bewildered bunny!

-------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 12:38 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, 17 May 2005 1:02 PM EDT
Good Mornin'!
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Catz, Dawgs an' Werk
Topic: The Next Generation
Well, we gots Cat-Pwoblems again.

Yeah.

I'm Uppystairs again inna Office an' just-as-soon-as I gotted heer, dere wassa Cat onna desk.

An' don't'cha know it wassa Stoopit Cat, da wun dat Maman calls "Beep".

So I'm hangin' on to Maman's shoulder (da wun dat werks), an' Maman says toda Stoopit Cat, "Moob, Beep."

Anna Stoopit Cat just wooks at her.

An' I'm finkin' to myself,

"You know, George, whut's goin' on heer, issa wot wike whut was happin' wast nite."

Cos, wast nite, I was goin' innu da Sittin' Room wif Maman, anna Fat-Cat was sittin' inna Dadda's Big Readin' Chair. An' Dadda comes in an says toda Fat-Cat, "Moob Cokie", an' stawts ta siddown inna Big Readin' Chair.

Anna Fat-Cat wooks up an he sees Dadda's bottom comin down anna Fat-Cat goes, "Yrulp", which is kinda da sound he makes to show he's not moobin'.

But da Dadda-butt keeps on comin' down. So den whenna Dadda-butt comes down onna Cokie-tail, da Fat-Cat wet's outta 'Yhawl' an' den 'Whah!' an' den flips ober an' sinks his claws innu Dadda's weg.

An den Dadda goes -

Well, I'm not 'lowed to say whut Dadda sed, cos he says it's Anglo-Saxon which is notta language dat bunny-boys are susposed to type.

Butta Fat-Cat got outta da Big Readin' Chair inna hurry an' Dadda got innu it, so you can kinda fill inna bwanks for yourself.

An' dat's whut I was finkin' 'bout when Maman putted me down onna tabul dat is her desk.

Cos just when she putted me down, da Stoopit Cat goes, "Eeep", just wike dat an hops down offa tabul, onto Maman's chair.

So Maman tips da chair butta Stoopit Cat hangs on. So Maman tips da chair again, anna Stoopit Cat still hangs on - onna count obba fakt datta Dawg is sittin' rite unnerneaf obba chair wif his grin on.

So Maman tips da chair again, an' just as she does, da Stoopit Cat puts outta paw, puts da paw onna Dawg's hed, an' usin' da Dawg assa steppin' stone, walks ober da Dawg's hed, down his nek an' ober his bak to ged toda floor.

Which causes da Dawg to turn hisself innu a tight cirkul, step on his own tail an' stumble, an hit his hed onna tabul leg, while da Stoopit Cat just walks away frumma Dawg wif her tail inna air, wike she don't care.

An' I'm finkin' dat it must be hard bein' a Dawg when nobunny takes you seriously, cept assa steppin' stool to ged frumma chair toda floor or uses you assa auxtillyairy amblatory rubbish bin to putta left-obers in, as happined wast nite wiffa remains obba pizza an' dat strand ob hay.

You see, yestidday da Dawg founded a strand ob hay onna floor inna Bun Room an' he eated it an' got sik.

Well, not rite away, it was more wike dis:

He ate da strand ob hay inna Bun Room, den trabbelled alla way uppastairs toda Office bifore he started making heebin-tummy noises, which alerted Maman toda fakt datta Dawg was just about gonna become sik. Dawgs are good dat way; dey gib you warnin' dat dey are gonna be sik.

So, wiffa Dawg's sides goin' in an' oud wike anna'cordion, da Dawg an' Maman came poundin' downastairs rilly fast, made da turn atta bottom obba stairs an' charged fru da Libbin Room, made anudder turn, an' hedded on fru da Dinin' Room, wiffa Dawg's sides still heebin', an' runned fru da Kitchin, an on fru toda Bun Room, wif Maman hollerin', "Come on! Wet's go outside!" (Wike da Dawg hadda'nudder pwace to go to, you know?) while she's tryin' wike mad to gedda bak-door unwocked. So she geds da door unwocked, an' pushes him out obbit, anna Dawg bounds out innu da Gardin an' geds sik.

An bifore you know it, he's back sittin' onna steps an barkin', wantin' to come inside, cos geddin' sik is wun-obba-fings dat Dawgs wike to do!

You know, you can fink you know a Dawg an' nebber ged to da end ob dere minds. Dis is mainly cos dey don't hab minds, but dat's anudder story.

Yeah.

An' so ennyways, here comes da sun, an Dadda has gone off to werk. It's not his reg'lar werk. His reg'lar werk is wif 'puters for da place he usta werk where dey habba machines that cuts steel. It's da same pwace where dat good hoomin named Kutee werks who knowed Our Hunny an' called him "A respected elder ob his peeble." Which I fink wassa berry nice fing to say aboud Hunny, cos it was troo.

So Dadda's noo werk is atta same pwace, but it's runnin' da big machines werkin' along wif Kutee, helpin' out cossa Kutee's an' Dadda's friend, Peter, has re-tired an' goed home to visit his warren somewhere far away. I don't know where Peter's warren is, but I hope dat Peter hassa happy time bein' dere, cos he's a good hoomin, too.

So Dadda issa onliest person datta pwace knew to call who culd run dose machines, as well as run da 'puters, an' an alla dat udder stuff dey need him tado, cos Our Dadda issa Engine-Wif-Ears, an berry 'Tellyginet.

An' you know whut else? Our Phil-da-Lad gotted a noo car! An' dis means dat he can come an' visit at Our Warren (cos Maman an' Dadda are geddin' too owd to go an' visit him an' 'Lanna onna'count ob Maman not bein' able to sit inna car dat wong.). So now dey can come to us inna Noo Car! Maman sed dere wassa wotta "buggerin' about" geddin' dis noo car, but you know whut I fink?

I fink dat dere is nuffin' dat geds done dat doesn't take a whole lotta buggerin' about onna pawt obba hoomins.

Some day, I will hab to write a blog aboud dis "Bugger Faktor" as Dadda calls it, but for now, dere issa sunbeam comin' in heer, so I fink I will just follow Hunny's adbice an' hab dis wisp ob hay an' habba nap.

--------By George




Posted by Our Warren at 7:16 AM EDT
Monday, 16 May 2005
A Noo Day
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Outta Winders
Topic: The Next Generation
Well, dis mornin' Maman piked me up outta my habbytat inna Bun Room an' wif her hand unner my frunt paws an' her udder hand unner'neaf my butt, she wooked me inna eye an' axt me,

"Babby George, do you hab ennyfings you wanna say inna blog tiday?"

An' I wooked at her wif my butt kinda rounded up inna air, an my nose wigglin', an my hextpression kinda dead-pan an' said,

"You gotta be kiddin' me. I habbin't hadda Blog to type in for weeks an' weeks, or habbin't you noticed?"

An' Maman sed, "I guess I habbin't bin listenin' to you, have I?"

An I ansured back, "No, you habbin't. Cos just aboudda onliest fing you bin listenin' to is when Missy an me pushed da pootie-box out inna middle obba habbytat yestidday, cos dat wun was so disgustin' we hadda hab it cleaned or else. You did hear dat, but dat's aboud all."

An don'chu'know dat just while I was sayin' dat, she was tryin' to lower me back innu da habbytat!

So I wiggled an kicked out wif my back feets, an hollarded out, "HEY! YOU AREN'T LISTENIN'!"

But she putted me down ennyways an' den turned toda Dawg dat was standin' dere, waggin' his tail an grinnin' an sed,

"You wanna go outside?"

Anna Dawg wagged his tail harder an' grinned more, an' shot a quick glance at me an sed, "Sorry, but I gotta habba morinin' bark. It'ssa Top Dawg fing. Gotta go out again, read'da Noos onna breeze, an' den bark my Noos to alla udder dawgs alla'round an den I'll be rite back in. It's Whut Dwags Do."

An I'm wike, "Yeah, whutebber.", an sat down to habba scratch at my ear.

So Maman opins da Back Door an' wets outta Dawg while I'm habbin' my scratch, an' shure enuf, da Dawg goes out onna back steps, an' stands dere fora few sekonds an' den shoots off wike a bwack-an'-white furry rokit, barkin' his stoopit hed off.

Anna breeze comes in fru da Back Door an' brings inna Smells Obba Neighbourhood to our Habbytats. I culdn't smell ennyfing speshul, just trees an' grass, anna squirr'ls dat lib inna trees an' was preddy much it. Dere is nuffin' to see outta'Back Door cos it is too high for us to see outta - we just catch a glimpse obba BlooSky an' mebbe a Cwoud now an' den, wike out our own Our Warren Memorial Winder wiff'its' Sun-Catchers-By-Shawn.

An' Maman shuts da door an' turns bak to me.

An' she says, "You wanna Blog, widdle Georgie?"

An' I'm wike, "Well, yeah. I only bin axtin' you ebbery day for wike, weeks, but you habbin't bin listenin'." while she's pikin' me uppa'gin.

So I put my paws on her shoulder (her good one, cossa udder one is no good to hang on to onna'count ob it gibs out on me when I put my paws ober it) an hang on, an' we walk fru da Dinin' Room, anna Libbin' Room, an' go Uppastairs innu da Office, which is where da 'puters are.

An' she sets me down onna green carpet an' I'm wike, "Whoa." Cossa wast time I was uphere inna Office, dere was boxes ob buks all ober da pwace, an now dere issn't. Whut dere is issa wong sofa fing dat hassa Cokie-da-Fat-Cat onnit, anna Big Desk dat smells wike Dadda, anna Tabul dat hassa'wotta Dadda's stuff onnit, anna metal tray-wike fing wif wegs Maman calls a "coffee tabul" dat has papers onnit, an' dere is Maman's big tabul wif buks an papers an anudder tabul wif her 'puter onnit. An bukshelbs! Whoa, I mean we're talkin' bukshelbes dat go alla waya'rounda room wif alla buks all lined up in rows afta rows!

An' on top ob alla dis stuff, dere issa'nudder door anna'nudder room, so I went hext'plorin' innu dere an' dere was justa'wotta furnitchur anna'nudder bafroom anna cat-pootie-box.

So I stopped an' ob course, weft a contribushun rite onna top. Belinda sed dat is only polite to leeb a contribushun rite onna top obba cat-pootie-box, an' I amma polite bunny-boy.

So I comed back innu da Office an hopped up onna chair wiffa arms dat is at Maman's 'puter tabul, an dere was her 'puter, hummin' away, an' her yucky coffee gettin' cold innit's cup, anna boddle ob wadder, anna stoopit-wookin' clay figgere'en holdin pencils anna box ob tisshoos dat hasn't bin chewed yet.

So I hopped up dere an' hadda wook, an' you know whut? Dere wassa winder! Yup. Rite dere - an it was OPIN! Justa widdle, but it was OPIN an' dere were Da Smells Obba Neighbourhood comin' in dat winder onna breeze!

So I sat down an' wooked, an' I culd see so far! I culd see da tops obba tree inna Frunt Gardin, anna mail-box atta kerb, an I culd see da dribeway where Dadda parks da Car, an I culd see da Houz Acrosst da Street! I culd see Ebberyfing frum dis winder! It was 'mazin'. Much nicer denna Back Door where da Dawg goes out ob, an' much more to see eben, den outta Our Warren Memorial Winder!

I culd ebben see da Bird Houzez inna trees inna Frunt Garden!

An' you know whut? Dere are birdies inna Bird Houzez! I seed'em flyin' in an' out! Widdle birdies flyin' in an' out wif widdle bits ob dis'n'dat inna widdle birdie-beeks. I fink datta birdies are buildin' homes inside obba widdle houzez.

Now issn't dat nice?

An' alla birdies is talkin' an chirpin' an' I culd ebben hear da Dawg barkin' inna Back Gardin, an' hear da Owd Dawg, Beau, who libs nextest door whufflin' to Our Marcus Dawg.

Anna smells comin' inna winder! I smelled da trees, anna flowers, anna street, anna garbage truck dat was crashin' arounn'a neighbourhood, anna Mail Truck wint by, stoppin' just wong enuf to put som stuff inna Mail Box atta kerb.

An' I culd see alla dis frumma winder inna Office, high inna sky.

So whutebber I was gonna blog aboud, I fink I fortygod aboud'dit onna'count ob wookin' outta winder an' seein' alla stuff dere is to see.

An' while I was watchin' alla dis goin' on, da mornin' cwouds moobed away frum each udder, anna sunbeem came out an' sailed rite fru da winder an' on to me!

So I axt you, does it ged enny bedder denna Spring Mornin, wookin outta opin winder?

I don't fink so!

Hey, Auntie Patwicia Na! Fank you for geddin' Maman to moob her butt!

---------By George

Posted by Our Warren at 8:06 AM EDT
Sunday, 10 April 2005
ComunnyKayShun
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Anudder Pause
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit

Belinda Bunny used her Blog to commint on Current Events. Axtually, she used it to tawk aboud whutebber came innu her hed furst, an a wotta whut came innu her hed had to do wif whut was goin' on inna werld in gen'ral.

Now, cos I am still a youngbun an' not quite as 'Tellygint as Belinda, I hab consintrated more on lernin' an sharin' infortymayshun, an not so much on sharin' my 'pinions on werld affairs. But just cos I don't share my 'pinions doesn't mean dat I don't hab 'pinions - just dat I don't share'em.

Know whut I mean?

Well, now I'm gonna share one ob my 'pinions.

Ready?

Here goes:

Stoopit hoomins go ebberywheres.

Dat's rite. Dey do.

No madder where you go, you will run innu stoopit hoomins.

Now, you will notis dat bunnies sort of worry aboud becoming 'Tellygint - for us, bein' 'Tellygint issa Goal In Life. Dis is becos when you are a Prey Annymul, bein' stoopit is not a choice dat will grant you a long an' satisfaktory life. In fackt, bein' stoopit will just aboud allus gar-ran-tee dat you will habba short, nasty exsistance, followed by a terryfyin' end. So bein' stoopit is not whut you wuld call a good Life Choice for ennybunny.

Which is why 99.99999% obba bunnies opt for growin' 'Tellygint.

But hoomins don't. An ebberywheres you go inna werld you will find Stoopit Hoomins.

Now heer is why I fink dis:
1.) Dis mornin', while I was readin' da noospaper wif Maman, I finded dis HedLine: "No Hop For Older Rabbits". So I finked, "Whutdaheck is dis?" an heer wassa artykul sayin' aboud how hoomins were dumpin' dere older bunnies outside so dat dey culd "replace" dem wif cuter, young bunnies dey are findin' at Easter-time. Anna RSPCA, which issa Annymul Welfare Police in Inkwand, which issa YouNited Kingdom, was pickin' up alla bunnies dat dey culd and gettin' dem innu shelters where dey wuld be safe.

Now whut culd be stoopiter den dis? Hoomins wif perfektly good companion bunnies are dumpin' dem so dey can get udder, widdle bunnies? WHY? Dis is unbelieveably sad! To ged rid obba friend just to ged anudder one? It makes no sense. And it is cruel. Dees stoopit hoomins Do Not Deserb To Hab Companion Bunnies Nebber Again!. *THUMP* Dey deserb to hab sumfing painted on dere heds dat will stay dere forebber dat says, "Dis Issa Stoopit Person! Not Allowed to Hab Pets!"

So dere apparently are a wotta stoopit hoomins in Inkwand.

Da good noos is dat Dadda got outta dere bifore he got stoopit wike dem, cos I habba feelin' dat stoopitity is kinda wike a disease: it spreads.

But den, dere are a wotta stoopit hoomins inna pwace called Australia, an inna YouNited States, too, who dump bunnies at Easter Time.

I know. I wassa Dumped Easter Bunny. An I can tell you - bein' shut up inna box an bein' left OnAlone inna V-E-Ts' office is terryfyin'. You try it. It sucks.

2.) A nudder rezon why I fink dat hoomins allow too much stoopitity in dere species is dis: You know dat berry brave, berry kind Pope dat just crossed ober Da Rainbow Bridge? Yeah, him. John Paul (only he hadda nudder name bifore he was 'dopted assa Pope - sumtimes dis happins when you are 'dopted, dat you gedda noo name) crossed da Rainbow Bridge anna wotta hoomins gaddered togedder inna pwace called It'ly to lite candles for him an ebberyfing, to help lite his Pafway Toda Bridge. An den dere's dis Bishop, who has wike NO SENSITIBITY to ennyfing, an he hasta go an ged his name inna noospapers by speakin' ill obba Depawted.

Now whut's up wiff'at?

I mean, dere is plenty ob time for a hoomin to stand up an say, "Hey you. I don't wike whut you are doin'." when da person is alibe an can tawk aboud da rezons why dey are doin' whut dey're doin'. But to wait until dey are crossin da Rainbow Bridge an den shoutin' out, "Hey you!" - I mean dat's just poor manners, you know? So howcome dis Bishop of Litchfield is only bein' critical now? Mebbe cos da weight ob his Bishop's hat is, wike, compressin' his good sense? Or issit more impawtant for him to ged his face inna noospapers den to respeck sumbunny who he don't agree wif, but who at least was honest an forthright all his life?

You godda wonder, you know? So rite away, den, we gots Stoopit Hoomins in Inkwand, Australia, da YouNited Kingdom, anna YouNited States an den in It'ly.

3.) An heer's da Third Fing dat has me convinced dat hoomins are choosin stoopitity assa Life Goal: Dis Prince Charles an his bondmate, Camilla geddin married. Well, you know, when I found Missy, an made dat hole so I culd go see her alla time, I wassa Happy Bunny. An ebben doh I made a mess ob my habbytat en ebberyfing, an kept Maman an Dadda awake by singin' my Makin' A Hole song fru da nite, nobunny sed ennyfing nasty to me aboudd'it. Dey were happy dat I was happy.

So whuttsamatta wif dis Prince guy bein happy? An why does marryin' his bondmate make him unfit to beda King? An why issit ebberybunnies' biznezz ennyway? Udder Hares toda Thrown hab married "commoners" bifore (I wooked dis up in Maman's buks), an ebben had kids wiff'em dat dey gabe royalty names to (which seems to be how royalty geds made - by bein' aroun'na Kings an soforth) so maybe da ones dat is hollerin' da loudest are da ones who didn't gedda invite to share da Weddin' Nanner wiffa Happy Couple?

I just hate it when I see sumbun who is happy an ebberybunny goes to a lotta trubble to pour a lotta ants on dere picknick (as Maman says). Cos atta end obba story, all you find issa whole lotta envy goin' on - green-eyed monsters inna Noos repawters, tryin' to create trubble where dere is none just so dat ebberybun will buy dere story an make dem munnies. Mebbe when dat Charles guy gets to be King, dere will be sum changes made at dat BBC pwace an den da winders will be opined, an alla doors, anna Troof will be 'lowed to come outside for ebberybun to see.

Now wuldn't dat be sumfing? Just da Troof, wiffoud a dwessup in coloured clothes. Whoa. Now dere's a concept! Insted obba wotta "reality" stuff onna tellybishon, whut if we got to see "da Troof"?

Nahhh. We won't. Nobunny will, not ebber. Cos dere is no munny in axtin stoopit hoomins to form dere own 'pinions. Maman says it takes werk to fink up 'pinions, an sumtimes habbin' 'pinions can make a hoomin unpopular wif udder hoomins.

4.) Wike in Eye-Rak. More stoopit hoomins. Heer are a bunch ob hoomins tryin' to make a noo countree an 'lect a noo Top Bun. Hokay, dis is hard werk - belieb me, I know, cos when Hunny went to da Rainbow Bridge, we hab had trubble findin' OneBun to take ober bein' Top Bun heer. But in Eye-Rak, don't dees Stoopit Hoomins hab to go an habba Neggytib p'rade, complainin aboud how dey don't wike dis an dat? So, wike, if dey culd just ged togedder an 'lect a gobbermint ob sum kind, den alla udder hoomins dey don't wike wuld leeb ennyways.

So da ansur toda pwoblem is not to hold a p'rade wif critical floats an' re-enactmints an stuff, but to say whut dere guy can do dat is good forda countree an ged him 'lected so dey can help in buildin' da pwace back up.

Da ansur to enny pwoblem is not to compwain, but to do sumfing to help. If you don't godda idea aboud how to fix whut is wrong, den siddown an' shaddup an' wet sumbun else habba chance.

Issat so hard? Ushally ebberybun alreddy knows whut da pwoblems are. It's how to fix stuff dat has 'em confoozled. Cos you hab to grow 'Tellygint in order to fix stuff - stoopitity nebber fixed ennyfing.

So, by my count, we seem to hab stoopit hoomins in a wotta pwaces all ober da werld. In fackt, if you wook carefully atta noospapers, it seems wike stoopit hoomins are just aboud da onliest subjekt dat's bein' written aboud.

An' dis is disturbin, cos as ebbery rabbit knows - as ebbery prey annymul knows - bein' stoopid preddy much equals bein' dead inna neer footchur.

So, you know whut? I'd radder be 'Tellygint an werk at habbin 'pinions den be stoopit an den dead. Shure, it's easier to be stoopit; it's easier to be dead, too, but not much fun, an shure not berry useful.

So I'm gonna keep up werkin' on becomin' 'Tellygint, like Belinda told me. Cos choosin Life seems a whole lot bedder den choosin' to be dead.

------------By George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:56 AM EDT
Wednesday, 6 April 2005
CommunnyKayShun
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: We Innerrupt Dis DikShunAiry...
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit

We innerupt dis DikShunAiry to bring you da followin rant...

Yeah.

Well, you know, yesterday aftanoon we was preddy much mindin our own biznezz inna Bun Room - habbin' sum hay an habbin' naps an' all wike reg'lar bunnies - when Maman comes in an says to Dadda,

"I smell pooties."

Well, as we saw it, dat's No Big Deal. Smellin' is whut you're susposed to do wif pooties, which is why we do them - to let udders know where our individual bounderies happin to be located. Leebin' pooties is like printin' your address onna atmospheric noospaper - ebberybun knows where you lib an dat's preddy much dat.

So Dadda comes innu da Bun Room an hassa sniff an he wooks at Maman an says,

"Yeah."

An Maman goes to da hallway an brings out Mr Broom.

Well dis is No Big Deal eidder, cos she is allus geddin out Mr Broom an sweepin uppa Bun Room. It's Whut She Does. She sweeps up alla loose hay onna floor bifore da Stoopit Cat, Beep, can pik it up an carry it away to Udder Pawts Obba Houz (which is Whut She Does). An' Maman makes a pile ob un-eaten hay, stray pooties, lost pellets an kicked-out litter an den holds opin da Back Door an sweeps ebberyfing outta door - ushually on-toppa da Collie Dawg who happins to be comin' inna door when she is sweepin' stuff out, but dat's His Pwoblem an not Our Warren's.

So Mr Broom comin' out is No Big Deal.

Den Dadda gets da trash bin an Beebe-Bunny sees it furst an he calls out,

"YO!"

But since he's allus callin' out "YO!" nobunny pays him enny attenshun. Yellin' "YO!" is Whut He Does an' da rest ob us are used to it by now.

An den Mouse says,

"Uh oh..."

An we look up, cos Mouse don't ushally say dat.

An dere is Dadda wiffa trash bin.

An he says to Maman, "If we wheel Mouse out innu da middle obba floor, we can pull da bottom out..."

An wike he's sum kinda grocery cart, Dadda gwabs hold ob Mouse's apawtmint an pulls it out frumma wall innu da middle obba floor. An Dadda fiddles aroun' wiffa few clips, and gibs a tug, an da whole bottom ob Mouse's apawtmint pulls out frum unner him!

An dere is Mouse standin onna grate ob his cage, wookin down atta nekkid floor unnerneaf him!

Well, Mouse takes a BIG leap an lands in his pootie-box. At least he has solid ground unner his paws! He laid down dos pooties himself, so he knows dey are safe, but for how long? I mean, we all know dat pooties can pile high, but how long will dey last assa foundayshun fora radder well-built Nedderlands Dwarf Bunny-boy?

So Mouse is inna pootie-box, hangin' on for grim death wif big eyes.

An Maman an Dadda take da bottom ob his apawtmint downna hallway toda bafroom an dere issa sound ob lotsa wadder runnin.

An Missy lifts up her ears an says, "Oh no... hear dat?" an she back up inna hurry innu her pootie-box.

Da sound ob wadder runnin' can do dat to a bunny.

So den Maman an Dadda come back wiffa bottom ob Mouse's apawtmint an afta a wotta buggerin' about (as Hunny wuld say) dey getta bottom shoved back innu pwace.

So Mouse takes a step out ob his pootie-box an heer comes Maman wif Mr Broom!

So Mouse reverses gears an gets his butt back innu da pootie-box while Maman sweeps.

Den dat's done an Dadda wheels Mouse back innu his place.

An Mouse wooks down atta bottom ob his apawtmint an says,

"Dey taked my pooties!"

Well now. Dis is NOT cool. Speshully not when Mouse had gone to so much trubble to assemble such a good collectshun obb'em! I mean, dere was, wike, several days worf ob effort in dere and it was just gone, wike dat! Totally gone! Da whole bottom was bwight, shiney an completely cleen again. Just like noo.

An - ged dis - it didn't smell at all. Not one bit. Not ebbin faintly.

An Missy has her butt plugged firmly innu her pooti-box says to me,

"Tell me he issn't comin ober heer."

An I stood up an hadda wook, an shure enuf, heer comes Dadda toward me wif Maman behind him.

An Maman says, "You know, if we put summa dis stuff out onna garden, it will be good forda flowers if I rake it in."

An Dadda says, "Trubble is, dere is too much obbit. We put out alla dis stuff anna neighbours are gonna complain."

An Maman says, "You fink? We culd waid until Dark."

An Dadda says, "Well, I don't fink ebben Dark is gonna hide alla dis, ebben if we dump it all inna pond atta end obba garden."

And dere standin ober Missy an Me an wookin down. So I'm standin up wike I wanna pet, cos wookin cute ushally works to ged Maman to fortyged whutebber stupitidee she's currently workin on.

Bud not dis time.

Cos Dadda takes hold ob our apawtmint an rolls us out inna middle obba floor obba Bun Room an stawts tryin to pull outta bottom ob OUR apawtmint.

Only he can't.

Cos Missy is plugged innu her pootie-box, an I'm standin up down here by my pootie-box, so dere are two big bunnies atta end obba apawtmint, holdin ebberyfing down.

An Dadda says, "Wookit you two buggers..." An he pokes Missy's tail, but she don't moob. So he reaches in an puts his hand unnerneaf ob me an I kinda hop up an bounce down, which gibs me some spring offa da floor obba apawtmint, so I hop again, which gibs Missy a bounce an she comes unplugged frum her pootie-box an goes bouncin down da apawtmint, which gibs da floor some more spring...an preddy soon, we're bouncin UpAnDown cos we can't help ourselbs, onna'count obba floor bouncin wif us wike beans bouncin onna griddle.

An dere's Dadda, tryin to gwab hold obba bottom ob our apawtmint while we're bouncin wike beans an can't help ourselbes.

An rite aboud dat time, da whole bottom comes unstuck frum it's rails an sorta dwops all-at-once.

Well, Dadda catches it as it's goin' down, as Maman tries to gedda'hold obba'udder end, howebber, her shoulder don't werk too good, so ob course, she dwops her end ob fings an dere is hay an most ob our Winter coats all ober.

But Dadda managed to gwab hold obba main pawt which had most obba pooties.

So he said some werds inna speshul language he knows called "Anglo-Saxon" dat we Bunnies aren't susposed to know. Hunny knowed it, bud he sed I was too young to learn it. Da onliest werd I unnerstand innit issa werd, "bugger", which seems to appear quite a lot, so it must be an impawtant werd to be used so much.

So ennyways, I habba wook down an you know whut? All I saw unnerneaf ob my paws was FLOOR!

Dat was it! Da onliest fing between Missy an me fallin twoo foots to our deaths was dis bouncy floor ob our apawtmint. Who knew? I mean, dat all dat stood between us an disaster wassa bouncy sheet ob screen cobbered wif seagrass mats anna plastic slidy bottom!? No wonder Mouse had jumped innu his pootie-box when dey pulled his bottom out frum unner him!

Well, I tried gettin innu da pootie-box, too, but da ones dat we hab only accommie-date half-a-bunny ob my gen'ral size an shape. Missy an me aren't widdle Nedderland Dwarfs. Nope! We're wike large, ekonomy-sized rabbits ob gen'rous proporshuns! So when I got innu da pootie-box, I discobbered dat only da frunt pawt ob George fit - da whole back-end was hanging out. So I turned aroun an fit da back end in, but den da frunt end was hangin' out - so no madder how close togedder I put my feets, it didn't werk - dere was too much George an nod enuf pootie-box.

So I wooked ober at Missy an she was habbin da same trubble as me, only more obbit, cos she issa bigger bunny-gurl den me.

So.

Den Maman an Dadda comed back wif our bottom an Dadda stawts to slide it back in...

An it won't go.

An Dadda says to Maman, "It won't fit."

An Maman wooks unnerneaf an axts, "Howcome?"

An Dadda says fru his teefs, "Cos we hab two lard-butt rabbits warping the whole bottom of the habitat. Look at that! See if you can get Missy up to your end and I'll keep George down here."

So Dadda pokes Missy inna butt an she stawts bouncin again. Well, don'cha know dat when Missy stawts bouncin again, dat bounces me, too. So she's bouncin UpAnDown, headin towards Maman, an here I go, rite along wif her!

An Dadda's yellin, "George! George! Dis Way!"

An I'm yellin bak at him, "Lookit, Stoopit, I'm doin' my best heer..." while I'm bouncin UpAnDown nextest to Missy.

An Missy lets outta wail ob, "I don't wike dis!" an WHAM she wets go wiffa extry hard *thump* that sends me aboud sebben inches up inna air.

So while I'm airborne, Dadda gibs da bottom a good, hard shove, anna fing slams innu pwace unner'neaf ob us - so dat when I come down, I can see da floor disappearin' anna bottom come back.

So dat was reassurin'.

An' now our apawtmint don't smell ob nuthin ennymore, just wike Mouse's.

Home Sweet Generic Home.

An den it's Clover an Beeb's turn.

Well, Beeb issa slob an Clover issa Ms Marfa Stewart obba Bunny Werld. Only Clover is honest and don't do enny Insider Trading an she's notta Fashunnazi or ennyfing wike dat. Hokay, so she's not Marfa Stewart, but she issa berry clean an organised bunny. In fact, Maman has nebber seed a bunny who keeps a houz wike Clover does.

Clover carries alla uneaten hay toda frunt obba apawtmint so Maman can sweep it out ebbery mornin. An Clover will push a dirty pooty-box toda frunt obba'pawtimint for Maman to clean, too. An Clover don't wike to hab toys in her wadder crock an will pike dem out if Beeb frows dem in. An Clover is berry, berry neat about allus usin' her litter-box. She nebber hassa akydent, whereas Beebe is just one mobile akydent dat keeps on happinin ober an ober.

So, it's wike Beeb will pootie an pee ebberywheres except inna pootie-box.

He calls dis "freedon frum tyranny" but Clover says it's just laziness an whumps his butt ebbery now an'den.

But he's deboted to her, an keeps her nicely groomed and lubly, so dat's good.

So Maman an Dadda wheeled dem out innu da middle obba floor an pulled dere bottom out frum unner dem.

Well, by dis time, as Clover sed, she had time to see whut eggakly was goin' on, so she wasn't too boddered aboud'it. But she is anudder BIG bunny gurl an she was parked atta end obba apawtmint, so Dadda poked her inna butt, too, just wike he poked Missy.

An Clover took a big hop anna floor bounced.

Well, Beebe issa WOT smaller den I am. He's whut you call a Hot-tot, which issa speshul kind ob sort ob Nedderlands Dwarfie-shaped bunny wif black ear-tips an black eye-liner onna primarily white bunny. In udder werds, he don't weigh more den four pounds soakin wet - which is aboud half ob whut Clover weighs. So, ob course, when she bounced down onna floor, he bounced up aboud twice as high. I mean, he rilly got some altytood goin'. Like, if he'd put his ears up, he culdda touched da top ob his apawtmint an Clover can only do dat if she stretches up on her hind-wegs on tippy-toe.

So when Clover gave dat hop, Beebe was off wike a rockit.

An "YO!" was wike aboud half ob whut he yelled onna way up. Da rest don't translate outta Lagomorphin. Anna good fing, too.

So afta awhile, dere bottom comed back an it had no smell at all.

So heer's my rant:

Bunnies go to a wotta trubble markin out dere terrytorry an makin it dere own. So howcome issit dat we are not 'loud to keep fings in our homes da way dat we want dem?

I mean, heer we are inna Noo Bun Room. We gots noo apawtmints, clean bottoms, clean pootie pans, clean crocks, clean wadder - clean ebberyfing - an we hab to stawt ALL OBER AGAIN, geddin fings back to da way we want'em. An whut happins nextest? Maman, Dadda an Mr Broom will be back. It's happined bifore an it will happin again.

How on Earf can you tell dat sumfing is yours if it don't smell wike you? I mean, dis has gotta stop. Clean is a good fing, I realise, but dis is goin' ober da top.

Rilly.

------- by George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:41 AM EDT
Monday, 4 April 2005
CommunnyKayShun
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: DikShunAiry (Continued)
Topic: Da Lore
Well, I hadda take a widdle break so I culd habba tawk wiffa udder bunnies inna Warren. I wanted to collect more werds an to make shure dat I habben't missed out on enny werds frumma beginin. Dis makin a DikShunAiry issa LOT harder den I thought it wuld be! Who knew dat we bunnies had so menny werds dat are unique toda Inkwish Language?

So ennyways, heer we go wif more werds...

I
identeefykayshun = recognizin who you are
impawtant = speshul, signiffygant, notable
inbenchon = a great idea sumbun thought up an made real.
indiggity = Belinda Bunny coined dis werd a long time ago. It means wiffoud dignity, not dignified.
Inkwish = comin frum Inkwand, which is pawt obba United Kingdom.
Inkwish Spot = a beyootiful kind of bunny, white wif black spots (or sumtimes, all black!) dat hassa LOT ob personality! Belinda Bunny wassa Inkwish Spot bunny an she hadda lotta 'pinions an commints to make aboud life an libbin assa Urban Rabbit.
inna = dis issa hard werd to describe, so I will use it inna sentance. Hey! Wook at dat! I just did!
innerestin = holds your 'tenshun
innu = opposit ob "out frum"
innypendant -ce = freedom
ishoo = topics ob discusshion.
issa = dis issa'nudder werd wike "inna". Try readin' da sentance out loud an you'll prob'ly geddit.
J
JUST-IN-CAD = Our Dadda's consultancy biznezz
justyfikayshun = habbin rite on your side
K
kitchin = berry impawtant room inna houz cos it's where da Big White Box wiffa food in is kept.
L
Lagomorph = correct genus for rabbits. We are NOT rodents! We are Lagomorphs!
leckted = when ebberybunny votes for you, you get 'leckted to a position.
lecktrick = power inna wall
lektrickal = sumfing dat werks by lektricks
liddle = small
lop = ears dat hang down
loppy = habbin lop or hangy-downy ears
lub -bly -bable/ -ing = care for da most inna whole werld an beyond.
luminiuminuminum = tin foil onna roll
M
Mawmie = sumbun who takes care ob you and teaches you to grow up an be 'Tellygint. I nebber hadda mawmie. I culdn't find her, ebben though I tried an tried. But I had Belinda Bunny who teached me, an Maman takes care ob me, an Missy-Bun is my lubly wife-bun.
mebbe = well, it could happin
menny = lots
mergency = urgent, inna hurry
miniLop = medium-size bunny wif short hangy-downy ears. "mini" doesn't mean datta bunny is small, just dat dey hab smaller ears.
missul = somefing you can fire off
mite = den again, it culd not happin, eidder
moor = not less
munny = papers dat hoomins exchange wif each udder to get fings we need. Hoomins fink it is berry impawtant. We don't.
N
nanners = long, yellow froot, berry tasty insides, wiffa nasty peel outsides.
nebber = not in dis lifetime.
nebbermind = don't werry abouddit.
nodis = seen sumfing forda furst time
nudder = not dis one but one ober dere
nummy = good to eat
O
ob = a partysipple meaning "frum" or "related to"
obba = ushually found wiffa werd "onna" (see below)
ober = go on top of, point in anudder direkshun; not heer, but ober dere.
odder = used in place ob udder
onna = ushually goes in frunt ob odder werds wike "account" so we can hab werds wike "onna'count obba fackt dat..."
OnAlone = Dis issa werd made up by Hunny. Bein' OnAlone issa werst fing dat can happin to a bunny. It means dat you are not pawt obba warren. Dere is nobunny whom you love, an nobunny to lub you; nobunny to care for you, an you don't care about ennybunny. Nobunny ebber wants to be OnAlone, not ebber. Dis is why ebberybunny who comes to Our Warren is nebber again OnAlone, but becomes pawt ob Our Warren.
onliest = all by itself, OnAlone; can also mean "unique" and/or special, too.
P
paw = your foot
pawtee = a sellybrashun wif good food, dancin', games an more good food
pinions = your own ideas
possytib = absolutly 100% shure
pra'ps = mebbe
pubwick = in society, not private
puter = machine that runs on lecktricks that we type on to communnykate wif each udder. Dis inbenchon has rebelooshunized rabbit society by gibbin us, who prebiously had no voice, a means ob beng heard around da werld.
pwoud = takin pride in sumfing, not ashamed
Q
questshun = sumfing you axt (can also be spelled "qwestshun", dependin onna bunny).
questriann = hoomins ridin on horses
questin = searchin' journey

And dat's alla werds I can type for tiday. I will add da rest obb'em tomorry.

--------By George

Posted by Our Warren at 12:52 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, 4 April 2005 1:19 PM EDT
Tuesday, 29 March 2005
ComunnyKayShun
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Lagomorphin to Inkwish an Back Again
Topic: Da Lore
Yeah.

I hab noticed that ebberyfing seems to come down to sumfing I learned frum Belinda Bunny: ComunnyKayShun.

Alla problems in Our Warren are problems in ComunnyKayShun:
1. The Collie-Dawg don't speak Cat.
2. The Catz don't speak Dawg.
3. The Catz don't speak Lagomorphin.
4. The Collie-Dawg don't speak Lagomorphin.
5. Niedder Maman or Dadda speaks Dawg, Cat or Lagomorphin, but they're tryin'.
6. The bunnies sorta speaks ebberyfing, incloodin Lagomorphin but we're not perfeckt yet.

Conseequently, nobun hassa cloo whut's bein' sed by ennybunny else around heer.

Now, Belinda stawted us all onna road to InnerSpecies ComunnyKayShun when she furst began dis Blog. It wassa Pioneerin' Effort on her pawt, because, as far as I know, she wass furst rabbit ennywheres to hab a Blog Ob Her Berry Own.

Axtchally, I fink it was Hunny who began dis effort to ComunnyKate wif udder species, an' he began it wif Our Warren, Alla Us Togedder.

Yeah, cos when Hunny wassa Young Bun, he was dribben byda need to help udders.

When Maman anna Reverend Doktor V'Ginny Sheay wanted to send a plush bunny to some sik children, Hunny hopped up onna 'puter, an figgered out howta press da keys an howta moob da mouse, an wif Maggie an Belinda, howta use da letters onna keyboard to make Inkwish werds dat sounded wike da werds hoomins use.

These bunnies developed da furst Translations frum Lagomorphin to Inkwish. An inna process, dey made a whole noo Language wif its own werds.

So I bin finkin dat dere shuld be a DikShunAiry ob Terms frum Lagomorphin to Inkwish an Back Again so dat we can all bedder unnerstand each udder.

Dis inbolbed sum research, cos I don't fink ennybunny has ebber created an OnWine DikShunAry ob Terms, aldoh I known ob anudder DikShunAry dat Exists (it issa Memebers Onwy kinda fing, an you hab to be pawta da Rebolooshunary Rabbit-friendly Gwoop, PetBunny, to hab akcess to it.), dis mite be da furst freely available DikShunAiry ob It's Kind.

So if we mess dis up, you're gonna hab to hab patience while we get it fixed up.

So Heer Goes:

Lagomorphin ... Inkwish ...
A
aboud = around, sort ob atta same time.
adbice = good werds frum old bunnies dat young buns need to hear.
afta = behind da furst one
aircondishywasher = fing dat goes inna winders to cool da air dat is comin' in inna hot Summertime.
Akrobatical = berry athletic an skillful
aktib = a bunny takin akshun
akshun = doin' stuff
Aktybist = an Aktib or outspoken bunny; most Inkwish Spot bunnies like Belinda.
alla = ebberybun
alotta = whole bunches ob/many
anudder = not dis one but one ober dere.
appuls = large, round, sweet, juicy treats. The dried twigs are good to chew on, too!
artykul = a partikular fing
atta = right den, dat time.
axt/-ed -ing = ask -ed -ing/as in "questshun"
B
becos = because
bedda = used wif "den" to compare fings.
bedded = used wif "em" to put innu bed wif sumfing else, wike a "bedded repawter" inna war.
behabe = not bein' bad; bein' good.
Bemember /-ing /-ed = callin' to mind.
berry = 1. Round, tasty froots. 2. dis exact one. 3. used as an intensyfyer to make anudder werd stronger.
bifore = not afta
binky = specialized akrobatik leap dat bunnies do.
birf = gettin' borned, comin' alibe.
buk = papers put togedder between cobbers wif typin in. You can learn frum'em or digest dem.
BUNNY = Lagomorphs (US!)
butta = slimy good stuff spread on bread.
C
Catz = furry four-foots obba Feline species. Can be danger'rus!, but mostly dey are stoopit an selfish. Dey come in Chowdas.
confoozled = not at all shure whut's goin' on.
cos = onna'kount ob
culd = past tense ob "can" (nodda tin type).
cubbers = fings to put ober yourself
( In Lagnomorphin, da ledder "c" makes a sound wike da ledder "k" in Inkwish. Just so you know why dere aren't more werds beginnin' wif "c".)
D
da = Definnytib Artykul meaning dis berry wun.
Dadda Our Hoomin buck, sorta. Finks he'ssa Top Bun, but he's rilly a fooder.
dat = not dis fing, but da udder one.
Dawg = furry four-foots obba Kaynine species dat tawk in "woofs" an "snuffles". Can be danger'rus to bunnies. Do Not Ebber be OnAlone wif dem!
deddykayshun = stayin da course wif courage.
dem = not us.
den = not now; whut happins nextest.
dere = dat way/not heer.
DikShunAiry = buk wiffa list ob werds an whut dey mean innit.
dis = da fing dat is in frunt ob you/not dat wun.
discrimmynashun = favourin' one ober anudder. You shuldn't do dis. It's not nice.
dissypline = doin fings ober an ober till you ged it rite.
dopted = happiest day ob your life, when you are no longer OnAlone, but taken innu a Warren.
downnastairs = floor below da one you are libbin' on.
E
enuf = whut you need ob stuff.
eny = not a specifik bunny, just enybunny.
ennyways = linking werd inna sentence.
ebbry = alla us togedder.
ebberybun = alla bunnies togedder.
F
feets = whut you hop on.
fing = one ob sum udders
fink /-ed /-ing = whut you do in your hed.
firteen = whut comes afta twelbe.
foots = more den one feets.
fortyget/-got/-getted = not bememberin'
free = whut comes afta two.
froot = tasty fings wif seeds; good pawt obba good diet; can be treats wike appuls, raisins or gwapes; mite hab too much shuga, but good for you ennyways.
frum = udder side ob "to"
frunt = not da back
fud = dis issa Feline werd for "food"; stuff dat catz eat. Bunnies don't use dis werd normally.
furst = at da hed obba line
G
gardin = 1. Where fings to eat grow 2. Makin shure nobun inbades da Warren; keepin' watch. 3. Protecktin.
ged/-got /-gotted = to hab it an hang on to it.
gonna = whut's comin'
Got'cha Day = da day when you was 'dopted.
gwapes = small, round, juicy tweats. When dees are dried, dey become raisins an still are berry good.
H
hab /-bin /bent = 1. holdin on to sumfing. 2. When Belinda used it in "Can't be habbin wif dis" she meant, "You bedder stop dis or you're gonna be in trubble."
haddit = can't take no more.
Hagonnasekund = waid-a-minit
happinin' = goin' on
Hay = 1. An impawtant pawt obba good diet. Bunnies shuld eat alotta hay alla time.
hed = da fing dat is holdin' up your ears.
Hey! = Oftin confoozled wif "hay"; werd yelled to ged 'tenshun.
Hokay = all rite.
Holdit! = Stop-dat-rite-now!
Howcome? = means da same as "Why?"

An dat's preddy much alla werds dat I can put inna dikshunary today.

Dis is much harder werk den I thought it wuld be. A wot longer, too.
Hokay. So. Ennyways...

I fink I'm gonna take Hunny's adbice: "Hab sum hay, an habba nap." Yeah. Good adbice cos I am one tiredly bunny!

-------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 12:50 PM EST
Updated: Monday, 4 April 2005 1:03 PM EDT
Saturday, 26 March 2005
The Easter Bunny NoBunny Wanted
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Da Hist'ry ob Our Warren - Willow, Part II
Topic: Da Lore

So heer issa rest obba story ob Willow, Da Easter Bunny NoBunny Wanted...

Wike I telled you yestidday, nobunny buyed Willow cos she was inna pet store, an she was sik, an she was kinda "strange" in dat she had dis, wike, blank wook aboud her, wike da lights were on, bud nobun was at home.

An she didn't know howta use da pootie-box, eidder.

It wasn't wike she wasn't cute. She was berry cute an' she was sweet-natchured an cuddly, wif her liddle grey face wiffa liddle white blaze onna nose, an her wide, sort ob vacant eyes. She ebben swayed a liddle when she sat still.

But none ob dat mattered to Maman or Phil-da-Lad, cos they just wanted to make sure dat she didn't become dinner for some snake or lizzerd atta Pet Shop.

Dat was rilly whut bothered Maman, datta Pet Shops who don't sell alla baby bunnies at Easter, feed da ones dat are left ober to snakes.

Ob course, if pet shops were to find out dat hoomins wouldn't gib dem munny for baby bunnies at Easter, den da stores wouldn't sell dem, an breeders wouldn't breed dem, an no baby bunnies would hab to die as snake food.

Imagine whut it is wike - your baby given away for snake food... put inna glass tank for a snake to notice, to chase, to kill and to eat.

Yeah. An dat is whut happens to baby bunnies dat are left ober afta Easter.

Nebber fortyged dat.

So Willow got taken home to Our Warren.

An Maman noticed dat her nose was stuffy. So she taked liddle Willow toda V-E-T's.

It is hard to find a good bunny V-E-T. Most v-e-t's know alla 'boud dogs an cats, bud know berry liddle aboud bunnies. Maman went to one v-e-t who said, "Whoo boy, I'm gonna habba ged out my textbuks for dis one! I habbin't seed a rabbit since Vet School!"

Well, Maman was outta dere wiffa bunny in one big hurry.

So she had found whut she called a "Reasonable" v-e-t who wasn't werld's greatest, but he was hokay, an dat's where she taked Willow.

So da V-E-T looked Willow ober and gabe her sum Baytril an Willow's snuffly nose cleared up.

Just long enuf for Maman to inny'duce her to Belinda.

An afta that, the sniffles came back.

So Willow was sort obba weird rabbit, berry calm an complaysint (means "gentle") but berry hungree (she eated ebberyfing dere wasta eat) an she did rilly big pooties all ober ebberywheres, axtcept inna pootie-box.

An Belinda didn't care.

But Maman did.

So Maman buyed a Pootie-sucker.

Now a Pootie-Sucker issa "masheen". It's big, has wheels, anna hose-nose (kinda wike a collie-dawg nose, but longer an more mobile) dat can suck up pooties faster den ennybunny can fire dem out. It also makes a wotta noise!

So Maman an Phil-da-Lad buyed one ob des Fings an bringed it home to Our Warren.

Hunny sed it was just aboud da werst fing he'd ebber seed. It was terribly, terriby noisy! Anna hose wuld chase you around, trying to suck pooties right outta your butt! You no sooner did one, den heer comed dat Pootie-Sucker in behind you an gobbled dem up. It was an awful fing to hab inna Warren, an ebberybun was skert obbit.

'Cept Willow.

As Belinda sed, Willow was too dumb to be skert ob ennyfing.

So one day, Phil-da-Lad was onna udder end obba Pootie-Sucker, an he was cleanin outta habbytats.

Well, Hunny, egged on by Maggie (as was ushually da case), lunged atta hose-nose onna Pootie-Sucker, an Heatherington, who wassa Dutch (an dey don't take no crap frum ennywun), boxed it an growled.

But Phil-da-Lad was preddy determined, speshully cos Maman had sed dat he was not goin ennywhere's until alla pooties was sucked, an dat wassa bottom-line.

So he moobed up to Belinda an Willow's habbytat an stawted to run da Pootie-Sucker aroun' in dere.

Well, Belinda was smawt enuf to moob right to da back ob her habbytat as soon as she seed it comin', but Willow just stood dere, watchin'.

An Belinda shouted out, "MOOB WILLOW!"

But Willow just blinked an sorta swayed back an forth on her feets.

So Belinda hollared again, "WILLOW! MOOB!"

An Willow just sat dere.

An Phil-da-Lad, who was oppyratin da Pootie-Sucker, said, "Willow, moob it!"

So Willow sat down, blinked an stretched out her neck towards Phil-da-Lad, wif her widdle nose goin' wike she wanted a pet, an bifore he knew whut was happinin, Willow....sniffed....da.....end....obbba... Pootie-Sucker!

Well...

You hab nebber seen ennyfing wike it!

Phil rite away starts screamin for Maman, cossa Pootie-Sucker is makin a whole new noise now that it's nose is clogged up wif Willow's nose stuck inside it. An Willow's eyes are buggin' out, an Phil's hollarin for Maman cos he can't get Willow unstuck an she's startin to deflate wike a shaggy balloon inna high-pressure chamber.

An doesn't Belinda just come boundin' up, all hextcited, cos dis is her bondmate that's doin da hextplodin, just as Maman comes flyin innu da kitchin where da buns had dere habbytats. An den it was preddy much a freeway struggle, wif Maman yellin an Phil yellin an Willow's eye gettin buggier and buggier an her geddin thinner an thinner while da Pootie-Sucker is whinin high.

So Maman finally hits da "Off" switch, anna Pootie-Sucker winds down.

An dere is silence.

Willow's nose falls outta da end obba Pootie-Sucker's hose an her eyes go back innu dere sockets.

An she takes a deep breath.

Suddenly her eyes get wide again.

It's a miracle! Forda furst time in her widdle life, Willow can breathe!

Belinda comes ober to Willow to see if she's allrite, an Willow snuffles her. An Belinda is, like, "Whutssamatta wif you?"

An Willow is wike, "I can smell you."

An Belinda is wike, "No joke. I been smellin you."

Den Willow lifts her nose innu da air an says, "I can smell Maman, an I can smell Phil-da-Lad! I can smell Maggie! An Hunny!"

An Belinda says, "Dat's nuffin, we can ALL smell Hunny. Frumma'boutta mile off."

An Hunny checks his butt an says, "Can not!"

But Willow goes on wike nobunny sed ennyfing, an s'claims, "An I can smell Heatherington, too!"

An Belinda snorts an says, "Anudder no-brainer."

Well, by dis time, Phil-da-Lad has taken da Pootie-Sucker apart, an sure enuf, rite inside da bag dere issa great, big, long string ob snot. An he shows it to Maman (it's a berry Phil-thing to do).

An Maman wooks at da snot-ball, an den wooks at Willow an shudders.

"No wonder she's snuffling ebberyfing," Says Maman. "Probably smelling things for the first time in her life!"

An so Willow wandered around forda rest obba day, snufflin ebberyfing an hextclaimin' ober all obbit, cos she had nebber smelled smells, an nebber realised datta werld hadda whole udder dimenshion.

An Maman stopped usin' da Pootie-Sucker so much afta dat, an went back to Mr Broom an Ms Mop. Cos sumtimes "Progress" issn't all it's cracked up to be, she says.

An Willow, who wassa Easter Bunny NoBunny Wanted, turned out to be very wanted at Our Warren, an libbed inna Warren for wong time, wif Belinda.

Which, as Hunny says, is rilly sumfing, when you consider to whom she was bonded.

An dat's summa da story ob Willow of Our Warren.

---------By George

Posted by Our Warren at 1:03 PM EST
Friday, 25 March 2005
The Easter Bunny NoBunny Wanted
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Da His'try ob Our Warren
Topic: Da Lore

When I furst came to Our Warren, I was small. I didn't know berry much (mainly onna'count ob arrivin' inna box frumma v-e-t's). An I hadda lotta energy, so I didn't wanna sleep much.

An Hunny was old, an he didn't sleep much, eidder.

So he wuld talk to me, an tell me whut he called "Da Lore".

"Da Lore" issa story aboud the Beginnings ob Our Warren. It issa His'try.

So I'm gonna tell summa it to you.

Back inna Beginnin', at Easter-time, dere was just Hunny an his bondmate Maggie, Heather an Belinda inna Warren. In fackt, Belinda had just come to Our Warren frum Ms Laura Warner's South Jersey Rabbit Rescue. Maman an Phil-da-Lad had gone down to ged Belinda to be a bondmate for Heather, 'cept dat when dey got back to da house, Heather decided dat he didn't need to be bossed around by an Inkwish Spot, an so Belinda was libbin by herself.

So dere was Hunny, a miniLop, who was bonded to Maggie who wassa Standard Rex. An den dere was Heatherington Rabbitm who wassa Dutchie boy, an Belinda who wassa Inkwish Spot who was each in dere own habbytat. An dere was Maman an Phil-da-Lad

An dat was Our Warren.

So.

Maman an Phil hadda Pellet 'Mergency (which means they were outta pellets). So they stopped by a pet store where they didn't ushally go, anna store had baby bunnies for sale.

There were four widdle bunnies, alla dem liddle loppy bunnies. But dere was one, dat wassa widdle bigger den da udders, one sittin' a liddle ways off by itself.

So Maman knew right off dat it was dif'frunt. An Maman allus is sort ob drawn to dose bunnies dat are dif'frunt.

So da liddle grey an white loppy-eared bunny was dere inna cage by herelf. An she sat berry quiet an still.

Bud Maman an Phil-the-Lad alreddy had four bunnies an didn't know how dey culd afford to feed an extry mouf.

But wike Maman says, "If God sends us an extry mouf, He will send us a way to feed it."

An Maman sed to the owner obba store, "Let me know if dat grey an' white bunny gets sold." An she gibbed him some brooshures frumma House Rabbit Society to gib to ennyone who buyed a bunny, so at least dey would know a widdle bit aboud habbin' an Indoor Urban Rabbit.

So Easter came an went, an da udder bunnies found homes wif udder hoomins, an alla brooshures were handed out, but no hoomins wanted to take da widdle grey and white loppy bunny home wif dem.

Maman an Phil-da-Lad camed innu da pet store ebbery week, an still da grey an' white loppy bunny was dere. So Maman went innu where da bunny was an piked da bunny up an cuddled her. Anna widdle bunny was so sad, dat she cuddled up to Maman an sighed.

So da store manager came up to Maman an sed,

"No one seems to want this rabbit. There's something the matter with her. I don't think she's quite all right."

An Maman looked at him, an arched one eyebrow at him wike she does when she's aboud to get 'noyed, an sed,

"I beg your pardon?"

Anna Manager sed, "Well, I think she's dumb or something. She won't use a litterbox, she won't even pick one corner of her cage to go in. She just goes anywhere."

An Maman sed, "It because she's not in a home setting."

Den da Manager sed, "I can't keep her."

An Maman anna Manager stared at each udder. An finally Maman sed,

"How much?"

Anna Manager began wif whut Maman calls "A Story". He started at some figger Maman wassn't gonna accept an went down till he arrived atta figger dey bof could "Lib Wif".

So Maman an Phil-da-Lad brought da liddle grey an shite loppy girl home to Our Warren.

An dey named her "Willow", onna'count ob she was so gentle an sweet.

An Maman taked da widdle bunny toda V-E-T for a well-bunny check-up, anna widdle bunny was sik. She hadda pneumonia an hadda take two weeks ob Baytril.

So when dat was ober, Maman decided dat mebber Willow would like to lib wif Belinda.

So Maman, who didn't know a fing aboud bonding bunnies, (cos Maggie an Hunny had bonded demselbes) just decided she wuld leeb da doors to their habbytats opin an she an Phil-da-Lad wuld stand by in case ob 'Mergencies.

So Maman opined da doors. Phil-da-Lad hadda dust-pan anna wisk-broom an oven mitts. Maman piked uppa towel.

Belinda came snufflin' forward an den stopped just bifore she crossed innu Willow's habbytat. She wooked at Willow an Willow wooked at her. Den Belinda came innu Willow's habbytat an wooked at alla Willow's stuff, an ate summa Willow's food. An Willow just wooked. So Belinda walked up to Willow an licked her nose.

Willow blinked, an shifted back an forth on her feets, an then sat down.

Den Belinda wooked at Maman standin' dere wiffa towel, an at Phil-da-Lad wif his oven-mits an dust-pan an wisk-broom, an she shook her hed.

An she moobed innu Willow's habbytat an dat was preddy much dat.

Willow was a member ob Our Warren.

An den came Phil-da-Lad anna pootie-sucker, an Willow got her nose caught an all da drama - but dat's for tomorrow...

-------By George

Posted by Our Warren at 9:06 PM EST
Thursday, 24 March 2005
Whoa! I'm Late!
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: Not right....
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit

You know we hadda moob house an how we're all heer, tryin to gedda noo warren goin' inna noo houz?

Well, it isn't goin' so good.

Da Dawg is still herdin' catz anna Catz is still protestin to Dadda alla time an Maman still just don't ged it.

Of course, we all gots noo apawtmints, too, which has called for sertin adjustmints, too.

An on toppa alla that, there is sumfing wrong with da mechanism dat werks "Spring" cos da wedder is COLD! An DARK! An an awful lot like WINTER.

I think somefing is stuck somewheres.

Dadda says his knees are stuck.

Dadda also says that da Dawg is stuck on 'noyance, as areda Catz.

Well, da way I figger it, da Catz hab allus been stuck on 'noyance.

Dey know dey are not 'lowed inna Bun Room, but they manage to sneak in, don't they? Just as soon as Maman opins da gate acrosst our doorway, dey appears just by magic an slinks in rite behind her. Anna fing is, dey know dey aren't 'lowed in, cos as soon as Maman says dere name, dey scoot rite out, but ebben doh dey know, dey still sneaks.

Ob course, when dey are sneakin, da Dawg is sneakin' rite behind dem - only at his size, he don't sneak too good. Cos he is sneakin' cos dey are sneakin' and he's sneakin' so he can keep an eye on dem an repawt dem to Maman just in case she don't see dem. But she does, cos it's rilly hard to miss forty pounds of cat whedder it's sneakin or not.

Den Maman yells atta dawg, too - an den we hab dis log-jam inna doorway: one dawg that is tryin' to back up wiffoud taking his eyes offa cat, an one cat tryin to go forward wiffoud runnin innu da dawg and one Maman tryin to ged to her coffee fru alla mess ob cats anna dawg.

Yeah.

Well, you kin see how complykated life is gettin' aroun heer.

An on top ob ebberyfing else, it's cold and damp an Dadda says that the garden is squidgy. Dis means that when the dawg comes in frum outside, his paws are all muddy and he leebs tracks on Maman's clean floor. So Dadda makes him stop and den Dadda wipes da Dawg-feets with a towel, which gets all muddy an hasta go innu da washing machine, which makes laundry.

Maman wants to know which is worser - habbin to mop da floor or habbin to do alla laundry frumma dawg.

And then she moobed Missy an my pootie box. Well dat wassn't nice. I liked where it was bifore, I think, although I was sort of peeing there ober the side atta dawg oncet inna while. An' I s'spose that I did manage to hit the floor now an then. But now that she's put a pootie-box there, well, I hab bin aimin' ober the side more oftin.

An' Maman sed my aim is bad.

Well, it's her fault cos she shouldn't be moobin pootie boxes.

Missy has added pooties to my puddle onna floor. An Maman don't like dat, eidder.

So I told her aboudda pootie-box by draggin it innu da middle obba apawtmint, but she didn't ged the idea an moobed it back innu dat corner where I don't wanna hab it.

I figger it's Missy an my apawtmint, so we can habba pootie-box where we want. Maman has two pootie-boxes in heer, so I fink we can moob at least one obb'em.

An now da grapes we was geddin are gone. Da Dawg had summa dem, an Dadda had sum and now they are gone.

We're back to raisins.

The good news issat they are the BIG raisins inna red box an not the cheap widdle ones wiffa store name on.

Mebbe we will ged appuls, cos I can see dem still inna Big White Box when Maman opins it.

So we're still all messed up heer, wif Catz anna dawg an alla stuff goin' on. It was nebber wike dis when Hunny was Top Bun. An it wassn't wike dis when Belinda was in charge, eidder. I must be doin' sumfing wrong.

Hunny sed dat when I am not sure aboud fings, I should hab sum hay an habba nap an fink. So I shall. He was rite aboud most fings... chances are, he's rite about dis.

I'll let'cha know...

-------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 7:32 PM EST
Wednesday, 23 March 2005
Confessions of an Easter Bunny
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Don't Give Bunnies For Easter
Topic: The Next Generation


Hullo. My name is George and I amma Easter Bunny.

That's right. I came innu this werld assa Easter Bunny - an ancient symbol of Spring, ob new life, of regeneration, of rebirth an' Hope Inna Future.

At least, that's whut Maman says. She knows aboud these things, about hist'ry an berry old stuff dat nobunny else seems to care aboud. She says Easter is alla'boud rebirth an Hope Inna Future, but that most hoomins hab fortygotten whut Easter rilly is an' make believe dat it is aboud candy an coloured eggs an buyin bunnies inna pet store.

An' den she gets sad an says, "George, you usta be an Easter Bunny."

But I rilly don't bemember much aboud being an Easter Bunny, 'cept dat it was no fun. Bein' an Easter Bunny had nuffin to do wif candy, an nuffin to do wif gettin' borned, an nuffin to do wif' habbin enny kind ob Hope at all.

Here is whut I bemeber aboud bein' da Easter Bunny:
I was berry small.
I got picked uppa'lot.
I was squeezed.
I got fed lettuce.
It made my tummy hurt.
I libbed in a small cage wif some food an wadder. An' ebberybunny seemed to wike me at furst, but preddy soon, dey fortygot aboud me. I guess da "Noo" wore off. Or mebbe I wasn't cute ennymore. Or mebbe I was just inna way.

Cos, you see, I dunno why nobunny wanted me. I wassa Easter Bunny, wasn't I? You know, da Peter Cottontail, Hoppin Down Da Bunny Trail!

Yeah, dere is ebben a song written aboud Easter Bunnies like me. You hear dat song played a lot rite around now.

And it's kinda hard to unnerstand how you can be all lubbed an' wanted one day an then shoved innu a small cage an' become a "chore" the next. I mean, I can't help bein' alive an havin to eat an habbin to go sit inna pootie-box now an' then an all. That's whut bunnies do. An' I can't help it if when all I have issa small cage, all I do is sit. There's not much room for ennyfing else, is there?

So howecome I got shoved innu a box an then left atta V-E-T's office?

Issat whut happins toda Easter Bunny?

Cos dat's whut happined to me.

Yeah.

Sumbun putted me innu a box an dribed me inna car toda V-E-T's office. Dey put me down an den left.

An' dere I was. All by myself.

An' I was three months old.

OnAlone.

Now, OnAlone is the most Awfullest Thing that can happin to a bunny. Bunnies are susposed to lib in Warrens wiffa wotta udder bunnies. If you're a bunny, you get borned, an you habba Mawmie, an you learn frumma udder bunnies an get 'Tellygint, an grow up to be a Top Bun. An' den you hab kits ob your own dat you teach to be 'Tellygint along wif alla udder kits, so dat you love, an' are loved in return.

But bein' OnAlone means dat nobunny loves an cares for you an you don't love or care for nobunny. You have no Warren to be in. You are not part ob sumfing bigger, you don't belong and you are sad an sorrowful an skert.

I know, becos I was OnAlone. An I was sad, an sorrowful an skert all by myself inna box inna V-E-T's office while my furst people drived away.

An' whut were dey finkin', leebin me dere? Dat da V-E-T wanted me? He didn't. He didn't want an extry rabbit. He issa doctor to care for sik bunnies, dawgs an ebben catz an make dem well again. He doesn't need to hab an extry well-bunny to feed.

I guess does furst people wanted me dead. Cos dat happins a lot at V-E-T's. Cos dere is no room for extry bunnies. No Warrens to take us in, no places for us to sleep, no udder bunnies to teach us, no critters to welcome us.

An' so we are sent off toda Rainbow Bridge by ourselves, to find our way inna darkness. Mebbe you don't see it, but afta ebbery Easter, dere is a crowd of berry liddle bunnies, all skert an' alone, wiffoud Mawmies, all OnAlone, an dey are runnin, an hidin' an wide-eyed an' terryfied - poor widdle lost souls dashing through the cold an' nighttime, not knowing where they are fleeing to unable to turn back and afraid to go forward. Behind dem is Terror, ahead lies Fear an so dey run for dere lives.

An' ahead ob them issa Bridge an' it is high an white shining against the darkness obba sky, like a thin strand of moonlight stretched across black velvet. An skert as they are, the tiny bunnies run toward it, becos it is the onliest place to run.

You can't know whut it's like. You can't imagine it, but I can. It is the nightmare born in every liddle bunny's waking dream as soon as a breeder-person takes us frum our Mawmies. We are OnAlone just as the Werld comes innu focus, an OnAlone inna pet stores winders, an OnAlone in tiny cages, OnAlone as some starve to death, or are hurted to death, or who are let go inna wilderness obba city park wif predators wiffa nightmares obba silver moonlight Bridge stretched acrosst da Void anna cries ob tiny bunies ringing in our ears.

An' I had those nightmares, too, until I managed to get heer. When I finally got heer, I met Hunny, an Poet, an 'speshully Belinda, an they all told me dat da Bridge is notta nightmare, dat onna udderside ob it there issa Meadow wif alla bunnies who hab ebber libbed, all playin' inna sun. An' Hunny sed dat The Bridge issa place where old buns go to feel young, an' where sik buns go to get well.

But if I hadn't been rescued, you see, I nebber would have knowed dis. I nebber wuld hab had enny teachers, nebber wuld hab had friends an rewayshuns, an no Maman or Dadda. I wuld nebber hab learned dat da Bridge wassa good place, an dat it is pawt obba Cyrkil ob Life, an dat I don't hab to be afraid ebber again.

Becos I was rescued.

Maman came an took me away inna box an brought me to Our Warren, where I'm notta Easter Bunny enny more. I am George, George ob Our Warren.

So, you see, dere shuld be no more Easter Bunnies wike me. No bunnies shuld be sold as "presents". Dere are udder fings dat make presents at Easter Time, an' heer issa pickhure ob my friend, Clementine (he libs in Texas) wif some ob the GOODgifts to gib at Easter.

So, go ahead an gib candy for Easter, an gib sombun a plush, stuffed bunny toy for Easter, but please, please, please don't buy a living bunny as a toy.

We are not toys.
We are like you -
Living, breathing Memebers of God's Great Warren,
Alla Us Togedder, NoBunny OnAlone.


------ By George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:41 AM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 23 March 2005 11:52 AM EST
Tuesday, 22 March 2005
Dawg Houz Roolz
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: Da Fairy Wog-Dawg, Fat-Cat an Me, George
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit

Da Dwag has Roolz.

Does he ebber!

An' we're not tawkin' just a few gen'ral commints on behaviour heer, lemme tell you. We're tawkin' a whole, entire Buk ob Roolz that he has written all by himself, wiffoud enny help frum ennybunny.

Who knew?

An what's more, he ekpects dat ebberybunny inna whole houz is gonna lib by his Roolz, too, since we are all part ob his Pack.

So he finks.

Yeah.

Alla Us Togedder inna Warren were treated to an all-out demmystrashun aboudda Dawg's Roolz fing wast nite.

Dadda happened to go out toda Lodge. Now Lodge issa berry big fing in dis houz, going back for hunnerts ob years inna family. Maman says she is her Father's Daughter an if ennybunny believes Dan Brown's fikshunal stories, they are dumb - an' she can proob it - cos she is whut he issn't, which issa trained 'storian.

Mind you, da Dawg has been trained, too, bud I don't know in whut.

So ennyway, Dadda went to Lodge an Maman stayed home.

Now just as Dadda was leebin, he sed toda Border Collie Dawg, "Be a good Fairy Wog-Dawg an take care ob Maman anna houz. Guard, Marc. Guard."

(Fairy Wog-Dwag is Dadda's name forda Border Collie. No one knows why, least ob all da Border Collie who notta deep finker.)

An Dadda left.

Well, da Fairy Wog-Dawg says Dadda is da Alpha Male obba Pack, an he (Fairy Wog-Dawg) issa Sekondary Male, which makes him in charge whenna Alpha Male is absent, an this is speshully troo if da Alpha Male (which is Dadda) gibs him (which is da Fairy Wog-Dawg) da command, "Guard".

So when Dadda says "Guard" toda Fairy Wog-Dawg, it means datta Dawg is in charge ob ebberyfing.

So he finks.

So Maman was inna Sittin' Room, sittin' wif her buk.

Anna Fairy Wog-Dawn goes in an sits wif her.

An just aboud den, da Fat-Cat waddles downnastairs to see whut's happinin', cos he herd da frunt door slam an da car stawt an nobunny had told him nuffin aboud it.

An just as da Fat-Cat got fru da Libbin Room an innu da Dinin' Room, da Fairy Wog-Dawg gets up frumma Sittin Room an shoots downnahall to stop da Fat-Cat frum goin' enny furder.

Anna Dawg is wike, "Hey, Cat! Stop!"

Anna Fat-Cat is wike, "Hey, Dawg! Pak it in!" an keeps on waddlin', innu da Kitchin to habba wook atta Fairy Wog-Dawg's dinner an wadder bowls.

Anna Dawg is wike, "Hey, Cat! What'cha doin'?"

Anna Cat is wike, "Wookin to see if dere is enny food weft."

Anna Dawg says, "Wook in your own bowl. Dat's da Roolz: ebberybunny has dere own bowl. Now ged outta mine."

Anna Cat wooks atta Dawg an sits down an says, "Who died an weft you in charge?"

"I amma Sekondary Male!" says da Dawg, wike it means sumpfing.

So da Cat geds up, shakes an says, "An I'm da Top Cat. So ged outta da way."

Anna Dawg is wike, "Hey, Cat! I told you to stop!", an runs around to stand between da Fat-Cat an his bowls.

Anna Fat-Cat just shrugs an goes arounna Dawg.

Soda Fairy Wog-Dawg goes arounna Fat-Cat an bumps innu da cabinets unner da sink.

An I'm watchin frumma Bun Room which is just offa Kitchin.

So Maman heers da Fairy Wog-Dawg bump innu da cabinets unner da sink, an she calls out, "Whutsamatta, Marc?"

An Marc (who issa Fairy Wog-Dawg) says, "Stay rite dere, Cat. Dat issa Alpha Female, Maman, calling. I gotta go, but I'm comin' rite back. So don't moob. Does are da Roolz."

Anna Fat-Cat is wike, "Whutebber."

Anna Fairy Wog-Dawg runned fru da Dinin' Room an downnahall to da Sittin' Room where Maman was still sittin wif her buk. An I hear Maman say to da Fairy Wog-Dawg:

"Marc, sit. Stay."

And dere issa *thump* assa Fairy Wog-Dawg sits down inna Sittin' Room. Cos Maman's da Alpha Female inna Wog-Dawg's Pack an he hasta do whut she tells him.

Soda Fat-Cat waddles acrosst da floor an climbs innu da pootie-box.

An frum da Sittin' Room, I hear da Fairy Wog-Dawg call out, "Hey, Cat! I thought I told you not to moob!"

Anna Fat-Cat don't answer, cos he is busy diggin aroun inna pootie-box, hoikin' fings out dat he finds in dere and flingin' dem on to da floor.

So I lean out an axt him, "Whut'cha doin, Cat?"

Anna Cat says, "Cleanin da pootie box. Cos it seems dat da Stoopit Cat finks she can use dis box an it's MY box. HER box is uppastairs inna udder Bafroom, an dis wun is MINE." Den he grins at me an adds, "It's da Roolz."

An I hear da Wog-Dawg yell frumma Sittin' Room, "I said 'Don't moob, Cat!'"

An da Fat-Cat turns his back on me an mumbles, "'Scuse me, but I gotta go."

An I'm wike, "Whatebber, Guy. But I know you been eatin' dat wet food stuff Dadda gabe you, so try to stay downwind ob us, hokay?" Cossa Fat-Cat can rilly stink uppa-place if da Hot-Air-Heater is blowin when he uses his litter-box.

Den alla sudden, I hear toenails, anna Fair Wog-Dawg comes shootin fru da Dinin Room an arounda corner obba Kitchin, hed down, legs crossin, eyes intent.

An alla bigger sudden, he's inna Fat-Cat's face.

"I told you not to moob!"

An da Cat is atta deli-kate pawt obba pootie-box manoovers, an he can't moob. So he's sittin' dere, in his pootie-box, hunched up, eyes crossed, an paws togedder, an he gasps atta Dawg,

"Do...you...MIND?"

Anna Fairy Wog-Dawg is bouncin up-an-down anna'long-side da Fat-Cat's pootie box, yellin', "I told you not to moob an you moobed! It's against the Roolz obba Pack for you to moob! An' you're goin' pottie inna houz! Not allowed! Against da Roolz! Against da Roolz! You're not houzbroken!"

Anna Fat-Cat is wike, "WILL you ged outta heer? *geez* Now I know how Dadda feels when he's inna bafroom wif you."

Anna Dawg is bouncin' up-an-down, an he's rilly goin' now, makin' peepin' noises.

"You're not houzbroken! You're doin' IT inna houz! Whutsamatter wif you? You're 'sposed to go Outside like a normal dawg!"

Anna Fat-Cat is wike, "I ain't no stoopit Dawg, you dumb Dawg!"

An he leans ober da side obba pootie-box an takes a swipe atta Fairy Wog-Dawg.

But he misses.

Cos he's still inna middle obba deli-kate pawt obba pootie-box manoovers, you see.

An suddenly, Mouse, who is nearer to da Fat-Cat's pootie-box place den I am, turns his back onna Fat-Cat, hunches up an says:

"Phaww. You stink, Cat."

Anna Fat-Cat, who isn't feelin too charmin atta momint, looks up at Mouse an snaps, "You ain't no rose yourself, you widdle hay-chompin' gas-bag."

Anna Fairy Wog-Dawg starts peepin' louder an bouncin' more an more nextest to da Fat-Cat's pootie-box.

"You can't talk toda Rabbits! Not on my watch, Cat!"

Anna Cat glares an gibs one big effort (cos he's all full of annoyed now an preddy much outta da udder stuff) an stawts to paw atta cabinet.

An da Fairy Wog-Dawg just aboud goes nuts.

"NO TOUCHING MY COOKIE-CABINET! God knows where your paws have been!"

An just den, I hear Maman inna Sittin' Room, an she's not best pleased:

"That does it! Do I hafta come out there? Whut's goin' on?"

Anna Dawg is so upset now dat he barks.

An heer comes Maman, in her bafrobe, wif her hair all ober an her finger in her buk. An she does not wook happy.

So she wooks atta Fairy Wog-Dawg. He wags his tail.
She wooks atta Fat-Cat in his pootie-box. He stops pawin' da cabinet an wooks back at her.
An she wooks innu da Bun Room, an dere is Mouse gibbin da Cat da Royal Bunny Butt, an me hanging half-way outta my apawtmint wif my ears all forwards.

An Maman says, "Allrite, whut's goin' on out heer?"

So da Fairy Wog-Dawg starts bouncin again.

"Da Fat-Cat is breakin' alla Roolz! He moobed when I told him to sit still, an I'm the sub-alpha Male Dadda left on-Guard by Dadda! Den he didn't axt to go outside wike a good dawg, an hadda "accident" in dat box dere! An den he took a swipe at me as I am doin' my job ob Guardin! An he tawked toda Rabbits, insulted dem! Den he pawed at MY Cookie Cabinet, wike it was his! An he stinked uppa Bunny Room! All ob it, against alla Roolz!"

Anna Fairy Wog-Dawg sat down on Maman's left side, an lifted his hed an tried to wook all noble.

But Maman wooked puzzled. "Does Mommy's good boy hafta go outside?"

Anna Dawg wooks up at her an says, "Whut?"

An Maman pats him onna hed an says, "Does a good puppy hafta go outside?"

An dere's dis silence dat settles ober da kitchen - like the kind of silence dat follows when alla lights go out, just bifore alla scweaming stawts.

So, I look ober at Mouse an see dat his shoulders are shakin. An den I wook atta Fat-Cat, an he's got these wide, innycent eyes on, but you can tell, he's laffin' onna inside wiffoud lettin it show too much onna outside.

Anna Fairy Wog-Dawg sorta whimpers an sinks down innu a puddle ob fur onna floor nextest to Maman.

An Maman walks past Cokie-da-Fat-Cat in his pootie-box, slides opin da Gate to da Bun Room an opins uppa Back Door. Den she calls da Fairy Wog-Dawg again:

"Come on, Good Boy, let's go outside!"

Anna Fiary Wog-Dawg, who can't refuse an Order frumma Alpha Female, no madder how stoopit it is, slinks past her an stands onna Back Steps and stands wookin' back ober his shoulder at her.

An frumma doorway, Maman says, "Go on, Markie, Mamma will wait right here for you."

Anna Fairy Wog-Dawg gibs a big sigh an trots down offa steps innu da Back Garden.

Den Maman gibs us each wunna da Gwapes dat she has inna Big White Box, an gibs da Fat-Cat wunna does Cat-treat-fings cos he's wookin all hopeful. Den she wets da Fairy Wog-Dawg back innu da houz an gibs him a cookie frum his cabinet behind da Cat's litter-box.

Anna Fat-Cat waddles off on his way fru da Dinin Room, an downnahall innu da Sittin Room where Maman has gone. Den da Dawg goes afta him, an I heer Maman again:

"No, Cokie. Cokie, ged offa buk. Cokie, down. Geddown. Get offa me, you fat lummox! No Marc, no. Leave the cat alone. Marc...Stoppit! Cokie - NO! Keep those paws to yourself! Marc, leave the cat a...Cokie, don't you dare bat at the dog...stoppit, you two...stoppit..."

An I'm finkin' how great it is to be a Rabbit...

-------- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 9:28 AM EST

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