The Hay Diaries
21 Dec, 15 > 27 Dec, 15
14 Dec, 15 > 20 Dec, 15
7 Dec, 15 > 13 Dec, 15
17 Sep, 12 > 23 Sep, 12
14 Jun, 10 > 20 Jun, 10
7 Jun, 10 > 13 Jun, 10
31 May, 10 > 6 Jun, 10
22 Mar, 10 > 28 Mar, 10
8 Feb, 10 > 14 Feb, 10
25 Jan, 10 > 31 Jan, 10
18 Jan, 10 > 24 Jan, 10
11 Jan, 10 > 17 Jan, 10
1 Jun, 09 > 7 Jun, 09
25 May, 09 > 31 May, 09
11 May, 09 > 17 May, 09
20 Apr, 09 > 26 Apr, 09
13 Apr, 09 > 19 Apr, 09
6 Apr, 09 > 12 Apr, 09
30 Mar, 09 > 5 Apr, 09
23 Mar, 09 > 29 Mar, 09
16 Mar, 09 > 22 Mar, 09
9 Mar, 09 > 15 Mar, 09
5 Jan, 09 > 11 Jan, 09
29 Dec, 08 > 4 Jan, 09
1 Dec, 08 > 7 Dec, 08
7 Jul, 08 > 13 Jul, 08
23 Jun, 08 > 29 Jun, 08
16 Jun, 08 > 22 Jun, 08
26 May, 08 > 1 Jun, 08
12 May, 08 > 18 May, 08
5 May, 08 > 11 May, 08
31 Mar, 08 > 6 Apr, 08
24 Mar, 08 > 30 Mar, 08
17 Mar, 08 > 23 Mar, 08
10 Mar, 08 > 16 Mar, 08
3 Mar, 08 > 9 Mar, 08
25 Feb, 08 > 2 Mar, 08
18 Feb, 08 > 24 Feb, 08
11 Feb, 08 > 17 Feb, 08
4 Feb, 08 > 10 Feb, 08
28 Jan, 08 > 3 Feb, 08
21 Jan, 08 > 27 Jan, 08
14 Jan, 08 > 20 Jan, 08
17 Dec, 07 > 23 Dec, 07
19 Nov, 07 > 25 Nov, 07
12 Nov, 07 > 18 Nov, 07
5 Nov, 07 > 11 Nov, 07
29 Oct, 07 > 4 Nov, 07
22 Oct, 07 > 28 Oct, 07
8 Oct, 07 > 14 Oct, 07
1 Oct, 07 > 7 Oct, 07
27 Aug, 07 > 2 Sep, 07
20 Aug, 07 > 26 Aug, 07
13 Aug, 07 > 19 Aug, 07
6 Aug, 07 > 12 Aug, 07
23 Jul, 07 > 29 Jul, 07
16 Jul, 07 > 22 Jul, 07
18 Jun, 07 > 24 Jun, 07
11 Jun, 07 > 17 Jun, 07
4 Jun, 07 > 10 Jun, 07
28 May, 07 > 3 Jun, 07
21 May, 07 > 27 May, 07
14 May, 07 > 20 May, 07
30 Apr, 07 > 6 May, 07
23 Apr, 07 > 29 Apr, 07
16 Apr, 07 > 22 Apr, 07
2 Apr, 07 > 8 Apr, 07
26 Mar, 07 > 1 Apr, 07
19 Mar, 07 > 25 Mar, 07
12 Mar, 07 > 18 Mar, 07
5 Mar, 07 > 11 Mar, 07
26 Feb, 07 > 4 Mar, 07
19 Feb, 07 > 25 Feb, 07
12 Feb, 07 > 18 Feb, 07
22 Jan, 07 > 28 Jan, 07
15 Jan, 07 > 21 Jan, 07
8 Jan, 07 > 14 Jan, 07
1 Jan, 07 > 7 Jan, 07
25 Dec, 06 > 31 Dec, 06
18 Dec, 06 > 24 Dec, 06
11 Dec, 06 > 17 Dec, 06
4 Dec, 06 > 10 Dec, 06
27 Nov, 06 > 3 Dec, 06
6 Nov, 06 > 12 Nov, 06
30 Oct, 06 > 5 Nov, 06
2 Oct, 06 > 8 Oct, 06
25 Sep, 06 > 1 Oct, 06
11 Sep, 06 > 17 Sep, 06
28 Aug, 06 > 3 Sep, 06
21 Aug, 06 > 27 Aug, 06
14 Aug, 06 > 20 Aug, 06
7 Aug, 06 > 13 Aug, 06
17 Jul, 06 > 23 Jul, 06
10 Jul, 06 > 16 Jul, 06
3 Jul, 06 > 9 Jul, 06
26 Jun, 06 > 2 Jul, 06
19 Jun, 06 > 25 Jun, 06
12 Jun, 06 > 18 Jun, 06
5 Jun, 06 > 11 Jun, 06
29 May, 06 > 4 Jun, 06
22 May, 06 > 28 May, 06
15 May, 06 > 21 May, 06
8 May, 06 > 14 May, 06
1 May, 06 > 7 May, 06
24 Apr, 06 > 30 Apr, 06
17 Apr, 06 > 23 Apr, 06
6 Mar, 06 > 12 Mar, 06
27 Feb, 06 > 5 Mar, 06
13 Feb, 06 > 19 Feb, 06
6 Feb, 06 > 12 Feb, 06
30 Jan, 06 > 5 Feb, 06
9 Jan, 06 > 15 Jan, 06
2 Jan, 06 > 8 Jan, 06
19 Dec, 05 > 25 Dec, 05
12 Dec, 05 > 18 Dec, 05
5 Dec, 05 > 11 Dec, 05
28 Nov, 05 > 4 Dec, 05
21 Nov, 05 > 27 Nov, 05
14 Nov, 05 > 20 Nov, 05
31 Oct, 05 > 6 Nov, 05
17 Oct, 05 > 23 Oct, 05
10 Oct, 05 > 16 Oct, 05
3 Oct, 05 > 9 Oct, 05
27 Jun, 05 > 3 Jul, 05
20 Jun, 05 > 26 Jun, 05
6 Jun, 05 > 12 Jun, 05
23 May, 05 > 29 May, 05
16 May, 05 > 22 May, 05
11 Apr, 05 > 17 Apr, 05
4 Apr, 05 > 10 Apr, 05
28 Mar, 05 > 3 Apr, 05
21 Mar, 05 > 27 Mar, 05
21 Feb, 05 > 27 Feb, 05
7 Feb, 05 > 13 Feb, 05
31 Jan, 05 > 6 Feb, 05
24 Jan, 05 > 30 Jan, 05
17 Jan, 05 > 23 Jan, 05
6 Dec, 04 > 12 Dec, 04
29 Nov, 04 > 5 Dec, 04
22 Nov, 04 > 28 Nov, 04
15 Nov, 04 > 21 Nov, 04
18 Oct, 04 > 24 Oct, 04
27 Sep, 04 > 3 Oct, 04
20 Sep, 04 > 26 Sep, 04
6 Sep, 04 > 12 Sep, 04
30 Aug, 04 > 5 Sep, 04
23 Aug, 04 > 29 Aug, 04
16 Aug, 04 > 22 Aug, 04
9 Aug, 04 > 15 Aug, 04
2 Aug, 04 > 8 Aug, 04
26 Jul, 04 > 1 Aug, 04
19 Jul, 04 > 25 Jul, 04
5 Jul, 04 > 11 Jul, 04
28 Jun, 04 > 4 Jul, 04
21 Jun, 04 > 27 Jun, 04
14 Jun, 04 > 20 Jun, 04
7 Jun, 04 > 13 Jun, 04
31 May, 04 > 6 Jun, 04
24 May, 04 > 30 May, 04
17 May, 04 > 23 May, 04
10 May, 04 > 16 May, 04
3 May, 04 > 9 May, 04
26 Apr, 04 > 2 May, 04
19 Apr, 04 > 25 Apr, 04
12 Apr, 04 > 18 Apr, 04
5 Apr, 04 > 11 Apr, 04
29 Mar, 04 > 4 Apr, 04
22 Mar, 04 > 28 Mar, 04
15 Mar, 04 > 21 Mar, 04
8 Mar, 04 > 14 Mar, 04
1 Mar, 04 > 7 Mar, 04
23 Feb, 04 > 29 Feb, 04
16 Feb, 04 > 22 Feb, 04
9 Feb, 04 > 15 Feb, 04
2 Feb, 04 > 8 Feb, 04
26 Jan, 04 > 1 Feb, 04
19 Jan, 04 > 25 Jan, 04
12 Jan, 04 > 18 Jan, 04
5 Jan, 04 > 11 Jan, 04
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Sunday, 28 November 2004
The New Adventures of George
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: The Rain is Rainin' Alla 'Round
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit
Wow.

You should see what's going on outside obba winder! I can see it now, but last night it was kind obba mystery and ob course, being a mystry, it waked uppa whole house and there wassa lotta "buggerin' about" as Dadda says.

I was just sleepin', you know, kinda dozing here next to Missy inna habbytat, when alla sudden, she kinda shifts her weight and ~*~*~WHAM~*~*~, she lets out with a *THUMP* that bounced me up inna air like about three inches offa ground.

So when I hit bottom again, I axted her, "Hey, whuttaheckwas'satalla'bout, huh?"

And she said, "Wisten." (Which in Missy-speak means hold up your ears and tune in.) So I did.

Well, there wassa sound of something hitting on the winder-glass inna Bun Room!

So I called over to Hunny (who hassa lot more hextperience in things than I do, onna'count ob being firteen Years Old anna Senior Bun), "Hey Hunny! Whuttaheckissat?"

And I hadda shout it twice cos Hunny is Firteen Years old an preddy deaf (which mean means he don't hear too good).

So he wakes up finally, and lifts up his loppy ears and says, "Buggered if I know. Hab sum hay an go to sleep. If it was bad, Maman would come an ged us."

So I stood up and alla-sudden, ~*~*~*~WHAM~*~*~*~, Missy lets out with a'nudder mega-thump like one ob dem "earthyquakes" I reeded about inna noospapers (where the ground shakes unner you), and I tip ober.

So I gathered my feets unner me again, an stood up, and went ober to the side of the habbytat and called over to Beebe, "YO!" (Cos this is Beebe's favourite werd.)

And he calls back, "YO!"

And I axt, "You hear dat, Dood?"

And Beebe yells back (cos Beebe has no udder volume setting besides "yell") "YEAH! I HEAR IT!"

And I hear Clover shifting her beauty-eous Agouti bulk and murmur, "Settle down, ShortStuff", which is her name for Beebe when she's not lettin' him "'ave one around th' ear 'ole", as she says.

And Mouse mumbles, "Lookit, stoopit, can't you smell the rain?"

And I put my nose up, and yup, that's exactly what I do smell - Rain.

But what's hitting the winder and making alla noise?

Cos, you see, I know about Rain. It's wadder that falls outta the sky and makes hay grow. Maman has told me alla'bout it. It's knowing about stuff like "rain" and "snow" and "thunder" and "lightning" (the last two of which I don't like, by the way, and nidder does Missy), and "wedder" in general, that makes me a 'Tellygint House Rabbit.

But this pounding onna winder is Something-Else-Lemme-Tell-You. It's like the sound of something Outside trying it's best to get Inside, which is allus a threat to Our Warren.

So Missy lets loose with a'nudder thunderous ~*~*~*~WHUMP~*~*~*~ with her big ol' back paddle-foots, which is an alarum-signal in any Bunny Warren.

And I bounce up inna air again.

And rite about that time, I hear Maman stirring around in her and Dadda's bedroom.

And this is whut I hear:

Maman: Brian?
Dadda: Mumph.
Maman: Brian...
Dadda: Whummammamumph.
Maman: There's something wrong in the Bun Room.
Dadda: MmmumphWhut?
Maman: Missy's thumping.
Dadda: Why?
Maman: Something's wrong in the Bun Room.
Dadda: Whut?
Maman: You stay awake while I go look.

Now Maman is very brave. She will go look at ebberyfing as long as Dadda is awake to hear her scream abouddit.

So I hear Maman tumble outta her high bed and pad-pad-pad around the corner of her room to come into the Bun Room.

And Maman flips on the light switch and ob course, ebberybun goes blind. Including her.

"WHAH!"
"Bugger!"
"HEY!"
"YO!"

So she blunders around for a liddle and has a peer around the room. And we're all sittin' there, looking at her, looking at us.

And after a minit, she calls back to Dadda, "It's raining!"

And Dadda calls to her, "In the Bun Room?"

And Maman peers around some more and calls back, "No, I think it's mainly outside." (Bemember that these two are sposed to be 'tellygint hoomin adults...) "But it's hitting the window pretty hard. Like a firehose onna flat rock."

And then Maman does Roll Call (which goes like this):
Maman: Clover, honey?
Clover: Yes, Maman.
Maman: Beebe-Bunny?
Beebe: YO!
Maman: Maman's sweet widdle Hunny-bunny-boy?
Hunny: Huh?
Maman: Mousey-wouse?
Mouse: Shut up, woman.
Maman: Howsa Miss-Miss Bunnykins?
Missy: Wah! ~*~Thump~*~
Maman: Sweet little George?
me: Can I have a treat? Please? I'm awake! Over here!

And Maman heard me, ob course, and went and got the Treat Can full of raisins and gave ONE to each of us.

And then she shut off the light and pad-pad-paddled back toward her room.

Just a little later I heard Dadda say, "Bugger it." and then I heard him stumbled through the bedroom and into the bathroom. And then I heard Cocoa fall off the bed in Maman and Dadda's room, and go pad-pad-pad into the bathroom. And then Dadda yelled something about being "left alone to do certain things in peace without having a f-ing great audience of cats!" and Three cats came flying out of the bathroom, past the Bun Room and went galloping on down the hall toward Phil-the-Lad's room which is more or less vacant since he is in someplace called "MarryLand".

And then Dadda came outta the bathroom and plodded back into the bedroom and I heard him climb back into bed.

So we hadda'nudder one of whut Maman calls those nights where ebberybun was up "buggering about" as Dadda says, and I still don't know whut it is that's outside pounding onna winders to get in!

But it must not be Anything Bad, cos as Hunny says, if it was Anything Bad, Maman would hab gotten us out or saved us or screamed her head off and gotten Dadda to help, or something.

So while whatebber it was that was pounding on our winders went on pounding, I made uppa song to sing to myself while I was chewing on my raisin. I know I heard the werds before frum Maman reading to me, so the werds are Not Mine (they were thought up by some guy named "Robert Louis Stevenson" who lived a long time ago), but I made up the tune and this is how it goes:

The rain is raining all around;
It falls on grass and tree.
It falls on the umbrellas here,
And on the ships at sea.

Posted by Our Warren at 10:07 AM EST
Updated: Sunday, 28 November 2004 10:10 AM EST
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Saturday, 27 November 2004
The New Adventures of George
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Activity. Have some!
Topic: Movin' On!

Maman says I'm an "Acive Rabbit".

Several months ago, I wouldn't know if this was something I should be proud of or not, but now that I am a 'Tellygint Rabbit, I know.

It is a Good Thing.

You know how I know this?

It is becos I can REED.

That's right. Because I can reed, I know that it is GOOD to be an Active Rabbit.

Whut I don't know is if Maman and Dadda need me to be 'Active" or not. I think it might be good for them, but I'm not sure.

It starts like this: Not ebberybunny can reed. Maman told me that reeding issa skill, which is something that a bunny can learn. It's part of being 'Tellygint.

Reeding is mostly sitting on Maman's lap, looking atta 'puter screen and knowing whut alla werds onna screen mean. That's most of it. The other part of it is looking at Maman an listening to her use those werds to me and picking out the ideas that mean something from the ideas that are "Pure Lunacy".

"Active" might fall into this caty-gory from whut I unnerstand.

Which isn't much, but here goes...

So today Maman and I were sitting there, looking through the noospapers like we allus do, and there was an artykul about being fat and being onna diet and being healthy and "Active". So Maman starts reading the artykul out-loud to Dadda.

Do you know that hoomins are not 'lowed to have too many treats? I didn't know this. I thought they ate anything they wanted.

Turns out, they can't. Well, not with Maman around. Dadda came back into the office with some bread and some cheese and Maman said that he would need to become "Active" if he was going to keep that up.

And then Maman went on and sed that she and Dadda are not "Active" enuf to be habbin bread and cheese and Maman's favourite, which at the moment is Punk'in Pie.

Dadda said he was plenty "Active", what with being waked up ebbery nite by Stoopit Catz, and having to throw them off the bed, and moving house and all.

And Maman said that this was not the same kind of "Active" she was talking about. The kind of "Active" she was talking about is habbin "Ex-ster-size".

And Dadda said that he gets plenty of "Ex-ster-size" walking back and forth to the 'Fridgerator.

So Maman said, "That's the point. We need to be more 'active' like George."

And Dadda said, "George is too bloody 'active' by half."

At which Maman sed, "You'll notice that George is not ten pounds overweight."

And Dadda said he wasn't ten pounds overweight either, that it was more like twenty and I am not overweight for want of trying, because I eat alla treats I can lay my paws on.

Which is true, but that's a bunny's job.

So Maman figgered out that Dadda and her need to walk ebbery day wiffa Border-Collie Dawg.

I'm not sure what the Dawg has to do with things. Nor is the Dawg, but Belinda told me that he's so stoopit, he'll go along with anything because dawgs will do anything to please.

Maman sed that walking dis dawg will somehow be good for her and Dadda, because it will make them be more like me, which is, namely, "Active".

Now I am a 'Tellygint Bunny, and I can reed, so I know that it is important for everybun to be "Active" so that they will not be fat, but whut I can't figger out is what this all has to do with me, and what it has to do with the Border-Collie Dawg.

I can see where this Dawg and I are "active" and this is good for us, but where does Maman get the idea that our being "Active" will be good for her and Dadda?

I mean, I walk a lot. I hop. I binky. The Collie-Dawg walks around his yard, and barks, and chases his ball. This is "Active". Maman and Dadda reed a lot, and type a lot, and talk a lot. They are not "Active". So if we are and they aren't, how is us being and them not going to help them become? Know what I mean?

What's this got to do with us?

Hunny said for me not to werry about it - Maman's ideas don't usually last long.

He said: "Hab sum hay, an hab a nap. When you wake up, she'll hab fortygotted all about this 'walks' stuff. It's just Maman - her brain issa lot more 'active' than the rest of her."

I hope so. So does the Collie-Dawg.

Posted by Our Warren at 2:35 PM EST
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Tuesday, 23 November 2004
The New Adventures of George
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Patiently Yours
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit

I am not sure about this.

Dadda is taking me to see Dr Sharin again this morning. Maman says I'm going to stay at Dr Sharin's for most of the day, like Maman stays at werk at her hoomin doctor-office.

I am habbin' a hard time figgering out whut I am going to be doing.

Maman talks about seeing "patients" at her werk. And I have heard her say to odder hoomins, "George issa most patient bunny I've ever seen." And then she says to me last nite, "George, be patient. You'll get some raisins, too."

Then last nite, I heard Dadda say, "George will be a good liddle patient."

So whut's alla these patients and why do I need to have them or be them?

Dere are pik-quloo-loo-air-it-tees obba Inkwish Language that don't translate well into Lagomorphin. Sometimes one word means many things, and they are all dif'frunt.

So.

Maman has patients with the patients at her doctors office and George, the Patient Bunny is gonna be a patient patient today at Dr Sharin's V-E-T Surgery.

Izzat rite?

So about whut am I gonna be patient about today, seeing that I am a Patient Bunny?

Hunny sed I am gonna hab my berries snatched.

"You'll have a nap and wake up lighter by two stone." said Mouse. And he *snikkert*. (Mouse doesn't *laugh*, he sort of puts his paw over his nose an' bounces up'n'down.)

Beebe yelled over frum his habbytat, "Don' ledd'em doit!" before Clover sat on him.

Of course, Beeb had a Bad Time over this, as he went to the V-E-T to be a patient and instead became a puzzle. Maman sed that the V-E-T who looked at Da Beeb wasn't sure if he was a gurl or a boy, so they waited until he was having a nap, and then they looked, both onna inside and onna outside, and guess whut? He was BOTH!

So the V-E-T cleaned out alla bits and Beebe somehow woke up being Genderly Challenged!

Beebe says he doesn't bemember a thing, and so far as he's concerned, he issa bunny that does alla challenging around here... which Mouse says is all pooties, because he's the bunny who issues the challenges, and Hunny says, no, he's the Top Bun onna'countobba fakt dat he is Firteen and he doesn't have to prove Ennyfing To Ennybunny.

So ennyway, that's how things stand: I'm going to go to see Dr Sharin again, which is hokay by me. She's a nice lady, even if she does keep prying up at my bunny-lips to look at my teef and poking in my ears. She said I was preddy, and that's a good thing.

And Maman promised me she'll come get me so I can be Home Before Raisins.

So I'll just wait an see whut happins now.

An be Patient.

Posted by Our Warren at 7:27 AM EST
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Tuesday, 16 November 2004
The New Adventures of George
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Uh oh
Topic: Movin' On!
Hmmmm.

Well, I might as well admit it. I have been a naughty George.

Maman said that I have to "Own up."

Hunny said that it wassa case of "Youthful Stoopidity".

Mouse said, "Don't expect me to cover for you, mate."

And Beebe said it was so cool, we'll have to do it again sumtime.

That's before Maman chased him back into his habitat again today, and gave him "A Good Talking To."

Hey, I only got a "Lecture"! Which is less severe.

It all happened yesterday.

Yesterday started off preddy good. I'd been at werk on some more of those holes and this time, I managed to finally squeeze outta one. Not bad. I can get really skinny when I wanna.

So I went over to Beebe's habbytat and showed him where I'd previously chewed a hole for him that Dadda hadn't managed to quite close off. Well, Beeb got all hextcited and knocked the door-post loose.

That's not my fault. I didn't know he was gonna stand back and take a run at it, did I?

And so.

Well, the sun was shining.

That's it. The sun was shining, and Maman was downnastairs habbin coffee with Dadda and they were talkin about going to some hospiddle or something, and Phil wasn't awake and nuthing was going on. And the Beeb and I were Two Rabbits Lookin For Adventure.

Okay, so we were only looking in the Bun Room, but it's a good-sized room.

And the sun was shining and it was a preddy nice day, and there was this bale of hay that was sitting there onna middle of the floor.

Now you have to unnerstand about hay.

Hay comes in big box-shapes called bales. They are tied with string, which keeps them togedder.

Until you bite through the string.

Then they kinda fall apart, all ober. Then you can dig inn'em. And tunnel. And eat. And binky. And eat. And roll. And pull'em apart. And sort of run-really-fast-without-geddin-anywhere's. And then dig some more. And eat.

And after awhile of this, Beeb said, "I'm gonna go visit Missy."

And I'm like, "Hold on, Dood. That's MY womin."

And Missy's like, "Who you callin your womin? I'm my own womin! Get outta here, Beebe-Bunny!!"

And then Clover comes over to where the door-post is leaning and she starts with a good-sized *thump*, and hollars, "Beebe-Bunny!! You get home here this instant!"

And she comes outta her habbytat to see what's going on.

And here I'm inna big pile of hay, and the sun is shining, you know, and there goes Beebe, into see Missy!

Well, Hunny looks over and says, "Uh oh." and goes back to eating his hay.

So I tried a *thump* to warn Beebe that visiting in my habbytat was a bad idea, but with the hay and all, it was preddy feeble. So I rushed over to my habbytat just as Beeb went in through the same hole that I came out of.

But Beeb is a fast li'l guy, him being a Hot-Tot, which is really just a black-tipped version of a white Netherlands Dwarf, and so he and I did a three-sixty around the habbytat, with Missy-inna-middle.

Which she didn't like.

And Mouse is lookin on from his habbytat onna clothes-press, and he says, "You two make an awful racket. Can't you keep it down?"

And then Missy *THUMPED*.

Now she is one big gurl; feet like paddles. So when she *thumps*, it's got authority innit.

And Beeb jumped about a mile and just about met up with Clover who was at that moment hauling her generously-sized-and-nicely-tailed rear-sections over the side of my habbytat.

They were surprised. In passing.

So I ducked out the hole, went over the hay-pile and caught up with Beebe in his habbytat.

And then a bunch of things happend all at once:
Mouse shouted, "Maman!"
I heared feets onna stairs.
Dadda shouted, "Bugger!"
and there was this dead-calm voice that cut through everything, and just froze me, solid, to the floor:

"Young man!"

And suddenly I was up inna air, nose to nose with Maman.

And she said, "Look at this mess!"

So I looked and she's up to her knees in hay.

And she said, "Did you do this?"

Now what do you think?

You do not go nose-to-nose with Maman and lie. You fold back your ears, wiggle your nose and look at your toes which are almost going up your nose anyway. Even better if you can blush, but with fur, it's hard.

*sigh*

So I gotta "Lecture".

About being Honest.
About taking Responsibility.
About Owning Up.

While Dadda cut pieces of lattice work and plugged up alla my holes and fixed Beebe's door post and carried Clover back to her habbytat, Maman told me her "Lecture".

Then we all had to sit in our habbytats while Maman tried her hand at sweeping alla hay.

A pile of hay is a lot bigger than a bale.

Then Maman gave out raisins, because she said we all Had Learned Our Lesson.

Hunny said he knew the lesson already but was always up for raisins.

And then Maman picked me up again.

"Is George sorry?" she asked me.

Well, look at it from my point of view.
On the down-side, I got a "Lecture".
But on the plus-side:
1. I had fun in the hay.
2. I played outside my habbytat for a good almost-hour.
3. I played chase with Beebe.
4. I had a raisin snack.
5. The sun was shining.

I folded back my ears, looked at my toes and tried to blush or something, then lifted up my chin and kissed Maman onna nose.

Posted by Our Warren at 9:42 PM EST
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Sunday, 14 November 2004
The New Adventures of George
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Our Warren is Upset
Topic: Movin' On!
And...

I am back.

I am George - a growed up, literate, 'Tellygint Companion House-Rabbit. Mostly. But I am undeniably, empatically George, bond-mate to Missy-bun, independent Rabbit, full-time, wholly-accepted, foot-thumping member ob Our Warren.

In other words, I am no longer "Babby George" da Liddle an Stoopit.

All righty then.

You will see that I can now read and use real werds. I can type much better than before. This is because I have been spending a lotta time sitting with Maman, just like Belinda told me to do; sitting and listening, sitting and reading the newspapers on-line, sitting at the 'puter and learning how it werks; just sitting and sitting!

And sitting is hard.

Sitting is especially hard when you have the wiggles and want to binky. Sitting is 'speshully hard when you look out of your window to see an all-blue sky dotted with white, dandylion puff-ball clouds, and crispy, confetti-coloured leaves spin by, caught on a breath of cold, crisp Autumnal wind. Sitting is even harder when you can hear dry, crinkly leaves skipping and chattering down the street, raked by an ice-tipped breeze while you're stuck, breeze-less with cental heating, inside.

But I have sat it out and am now typing real werds on the 'puter as a grown-up bunny.

Hunny says Belinda would be proud of me. He says I'm the second-generation of House-bunnies to use the 'puter, and the second-generation of Our Warren to be literate. He said I amma Future ob Lagomorphs and he is proud to have lived long enough to see the Future and that It is Me.

Yes, well, I have to take his werds very seriously, because he is a very old and serious rabbit, or a seriously old rabbit, or something. He is Our Elder Rabbit who was here from the beginning of Our Warren, and knows all there is to know about Living As An Urban Companion Rabbit.

So now, we Companion Rabbits of Our Warren are moving from this house to a New House. Hunny has moved before, and he says that it's no big deal, but Dadda says that it will be, because there are Special Circumstances.

The First Problemis that there will be Dawgs at the New House. It's not just that there will be the Border Collie dawg, Marc, it will be that there will be Sistah Beffy's dawg, CodiFox, that is a ShebuInnu or something - a kind of hunting dog that bites - that is not trustworthy around rabbits - that will be living in the New House with us. So, because there will be an untrustworthy dawg, there is...

The Second Problem, which is that Our New Bun Room in the New House is inna room that has the door to the back garden in it, and the dawgs must come through the New Bun Room in order to go outside. Dadda says all dawgs have to go "outside" many times a day, which means they also have to come "inside" an ekwell number of times. So the New Bun Room will have Traffic which is something our present Bun Room has never had. is obviously a Bad Thing against which special provisions have to be made, which leads to...

The Third Problem which is that our homes, our habitats, can no longer be on the floor as they are in our present Bun Room. For our safety, we have to be housed Two Foots Offa Ground With Lids, Maman says, to protect us from the Untrustworthy Dawg, which is CodiFox.

Maman and Dadda are NOT pleased about these three problems at all. Maman wants us to have the same homes as we do now. She feels that we don't need to suffer just because we have to move. She feels we should be getting better housing and not have to put up with CodiFox's bad manners.

I agree.

But...

Dadda says "Things are as they are.", which means, We Have To Face Facts. So he is building homes for us that are high off the ground where dawgs can't reach us, and tall so there is room to hex-ster-size, BUT our homes won't have as much floor space as they have now. This means they won't be as big and roomy as they are now.

But Sistah Beffey says she wants to move out in a few months and have her own place and take CodiFox and her kitty, Gidget, with her.

Dadda says, "We'll see." which means, When He Sees It, He'll Belive It. So for now, we'll have to live in these new homes that don't have as much floor space.

Clover and Missy aren't happy about not having the same floor space as before and they are not happy about having homes with two storeys in them. They are mainly tubby female bunnies who don't like to move around very much. The idea of two-storey condo-type homes doesn't thrill either of them. In fact, they are upset about it.

Beebe and Mouse are impressed because they, like me, like Adventures in Lilving Space. But they are still upset, because everything upsets them one way or another because they are "sensitive" bunnies, Maman says. Mouse has been digging and spraying pooties all over whenever Dadda shows up with a tape-measure, and Beebe has been doing popcorn binkies over Clover's head and 'noying her greatly.

Hunny isn't impressed because he has Mobility Issues, like Maman, due to age, and can't get around easily. He won't have two storeys because he might fall and hurt himself, so he will just have less all-around room and that does not please him at all. So he is upset.

And now, Sistah Beffy is upset because she feels that Maman and Dadda don't like CodiFox. They do like CodiFox, but they don't like that she isn't well-trained and not trust-able.

And Phil-the-Lad is upset because he's in his own tangle about moving down to Mary-land with alla his stuff and his two cats, Toby-tay and KayCee, Kitty.

And that leaves Cokie-da-Fat-Cat upset because he won't know what to do without KayCee and do with Marc-the-Border-Collie.

And Marc is already upset because he can't figure out what's happening to his house with all the hoomins coming and going.

And Dadda is upset because he's got three weeks to get this all done and he is sick and going back and forth from the hospiddle for "Testings".

And Maman is upset because she's working and has to go see a new "nurologist" about her illness and can't do many of the things she sees needing doing.

And so, everybun is inna upset "UpRoar" here at Our Warren.

Except me.

I'm doing what Belinda told me to do before she left for the Bridge: sitting here, listening and learning, and getting more and more 'Tellygint... and being George.

Posted by Our Warren at 10:06 AM EST
Wednesday, 13 October 2004
Clover Reads the Philadelphia Inquirer
Mood:  down
Now Playing: A Nice Man Writes A Sad Story
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit
Hullo. It's me, Ms. Clover.

I don't type too menny blogs. Dis is cos I am more obba housebun kinda bunny. I take care of Beebe, an I push hay; I clean up da pootie-box, an tidy da toys, an look for tweats an nap an tawk to Hunny cos sumbun should. Let's face it, I'm just not wike Missy an do pwotests an Rabbit Rites, or wike George an reada Noospaper wif Maman an do "soshul commentary". It's just not me...

ExCept, I did reada noospaper dis mawnin wif Maman. We were sittin atta computer together.

She told me da Noospaper was called The Philadelphia Inquirer an dat it wassa berry old noospaper an berry respected. I guess by udder hoomins, cos I don't know too many bunnies who read it.

Ennyways, I readed a story by sum guy named Stu. Not to be confoozled wif dat werd we don't tawk about that sum hoomins think is funny to mention to Maman dat makes her mad when it is mentioned in connection wif bunnies. Not dat kinda Stu.

His second name is Bykofsky and he has typed a story inna noospaper aboud a poor dawg.

Da dog's name was Sheea.

Now, Sheea runned off frum her family (dawgs is stoopit wike dis). Den sum nice lady found her, an taked her to da municiple shelter in Philadelphia so dat her family could find her and come an get her.

Inna meantime, Sheea's family was lookin for her, an puttin up signs an callin da municiple shelter, axtin da hoomins dere to look for their lost dawg, Sheea, who had already been found an was in the municiple shelter, if they did but know it.

Well, Sheea was there in the municipal shelter for alla nine minutes whenna hoomins dere sent her toda Rainbow Bridge!

THE SHELTER KILLED SHEEA NINE MINUTES AFTER SHE ARRIVED AT THE SHELTER EVEN THOUGH THE DOG'S FAMILY HAD NOTIFIED THEM THAT THEY WERE LOOKING FOR HER!

Nobun tried to find Sheea's family. Nobun picked uppa phone. Nobun looked atta signs Sheea's family had put up onna walls inna shelter. Nobun cared.

They just killed her...in nine minutes...

FOR NO REASON!

Whut is wrong wif these hoomins? Can't they read? Are they stoopit? Don't they place enny value at all on a creature's life? Sure, they tawk about "rehoming" pets - but who can find a home in nine minutes? Don't they wantus animals to find homes?

Whut kind of chance do we hab to find forever homes in nine minutes?

I was Bundergrounded frum Bis-Con-Sin to Noo Joisey. It took days for me to get frum there to here. What if I only had nine minutes?

Bebee-Bunny!! wassa class-room bunny who was abandoned in his class-room in Maryland. Maman an Dadda hadda drive to Maryland, stay obernite at a motel an den go to pik him up. It took a week-end. Whut if he had only had nine minutes?

Missy-Bun's furst mawmie died ob cancer an her family was moovin to Floryda, so she got to stay with Unky Michael and Auntie Kari an Cousin Kramer in Noo Yawk. Den Maman an Unky Michael tawked onna phone an decided onna time to meet an once again, Maman an Dadda got inna car an drived to sumplace dat took all day to bring Missy home. Whut if Missy had only had nine minutes?

An George - gettin left atta V-E-Ts pwace inna box? Even though Maman raced ober dere, it took longer den nine minutes for her to get dere and to scoop up George an bring him home.

An Hunny - poor old Hunny who is Thirteen Years Old - he spent da day dyin in his cage atta Yard Sale before Maman rescued him. He almost died because no one cared about him, yet he got longer den nine minutes to find a forever home.

The thing is this: A Shelter is supposed to be a safe place for animals to be.

So how safe can you feel for only nine minutes?

Poor Sheea.

I hope Belinda Bunny met Sheea atta Rainbow Bridge an 'splained to her dat not alla hoomins are stoopit an mean, dat some care, an some werk rilly hard to keep us all safe.

An if I know Belinda, she did that. Belinda had no patience wif stoopit hoomins. Nedder does Maman. And nedder does dat Bykofsky guy who writes stories inna Philadelphia Inquirer.

I hope you'll read dis Stu guy's story about Sheea's Nine Minutes. It's berry sad, I know, but it is impawtant for hoomins to know about Sheea , cos sumbunny hasta stop stoopit hoomins, an only da smart ones can.

Posted by Our Warren at 11:20 AM EDT
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Saturday, 25 September 2004
Missy Impawts Wizdom
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Geddin Along Or Rabbits Furst
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit

Good mawnin, fellow Houzbunnies. Missy-Bun heer.

Inna Fird Pawt ob my serries, "Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit", I wuld wike to addwess whut seems to be a berry impawtant ishoo: Geddin Along Wid Udder Critters Inna Houz or, as I wike to say, Bunnies Come Furst.

I know dat sum ob you buns out dere habba share your houzes wif udder annymals. Ob course, sum ob you are wucky an ebberyfing in your houz is just set up for hoomins an bunnies. Den dere are a berry forchunate few who habba sitcheeyashun where da whole libbin space is deboted to just house-bunnies, but dat don happin oftin enuf. Sad, bud troo.

So whut happins to most ob us issat we find ourselbs libbin inna houz wif udder critters.

In Our Warren, we bunnies hab our own room. Dis issa Bun Room. Inside obbit, we habba habbytats, which are wike our own rooms. We all hab our own litter-boxes, our own wadder crocks, food crocks, hay sup'lies, toys, hideys an whutebber else we want. Our Bun Room hassa air-condishywasher to keep it cool inna Summer an dere are free windoze.

Dere is also a wattice-werk slidey-door.

Dis is cos we also hab catz.

I know, it's a total embarrassmint, but I hab to step up an admit it: We Hab Catz.

An okayshunally, we ebben hab Dawgs .

Now dere are ways ob handlin dees indiggities.

Furst ob all, dere is nuffin to be a-shamed ob. It's notta bunny's fault whin a houz is infested wif udder critters. We aren't da wuns dat bringed dem in, an we're notta wuns keepin dem heer.

Da pwoblem is oberly kind hoomins dat Can't Say NO.

Dere is nuffin a bunny can do aboudda hoomins. Mind-contwoll only will go so far. Howebber, dere are ways ob libbin wif dees fings.

If a bunny finds dey is libbin inna houz infested by udder critters, da Furst Fing to bemember issat: Da Bunny Is Allus Rite. Oncest dis Rool is firmwy in-bedded inna bunny's mind, ebberyfing else will follow awong smoofwy.

Heer issa short wist ob udder critters a bunny mite find in dere homez:

Catz: Catz are selfish, wazy an nutz. Dey hab nuffin you want. Dey, howebber, want to know whut you're doin an dey want your hay. Dey are ushually skert ob you, doh, an are cowards. Show dem you meen biznezz an dey will leeb you awone. Wun inna hunnert culd bekom friends, bud don bettonnit.
Dawgs: Dawgs are dangerous an assa Rool cannot be trusted. ABOID AT ALL COSTS! Allus be wiffa hoomin. Nebber confrunt a dawg on your own! Ebben if you hab bited it's nose, or udderwise made your point, bunnies an dawgs are NEBBER SAFE TOGEDDER.
Fish: Don't madder.
Gimmie-Pigs: As dere name implies, dees noisey widdle guys want ebberyfing you hab, bud you kind ushually come to an agreemint wiff'em aboud most stuff. Dey are nod aggressivb, bud dey ushually can't getta hang obba pootie-box. Dey are berry communykatib an tawk alla time an are bizzy. Howebber, if you need peace an quiet, ged up high sumpwace cos dey can't jump or climb.
Birds: Birds can be a pwoblem cos dere is all kinds. Sum come inn'er down houzes an don bodder bunnies. Dees are hokay an will dwop seeds dat are gud to eat. Den dere are da udder kinda birds dat are BIG. Dees can be a pwoblem in dat sum obb'em can tawk an yell at you. Sum obb'em walk onna floor an ged innu your stuff. Takin a run at'tem mite not werk cos dey hab beeks dat poke. Axt for hoomin assistance wif birds!.

Bud bemember, no madder whut happins, where ebber a bunny libs issa bunny's houz. Anna Furst Rool ob bein a Houz Bunny is:

~*~*~*~DA BUNNY IS ALLUS RITE~*~*~*~

Posted by Our Warren at 10:47 AM EDT
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Friday, 24 September 2004
Missy Impawts Wizdom
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: S*L*O*B: It's the Litterbox, Stoopit.
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit
Good mawnin, Houzbunnies! It's Missy-Bun, back wiffa'nudder installmint ob adbice on Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit.

Wunna da gud fings aboud libbin wif George issat he issa youngbun. Now I'm finally geddin to see whut it was like for Belinda when I arribed heer at Our Warren assa youngbun an she hadda take time oudda her bizzy schedule assa Top Bunny to teach me to become 'Tellygint.

Atta time, I didn't realise whutta big task dat was, but I'm seein it now, lemme tell you!

Bud Belinda had it easy, and dis is cos I amma GURL. Howebber, George issa BOY. An nod onwy dat, he issa S*L*O*B.

S*L*O*B stand for
Stoopit
Loud
Oderous
Boy

Now dis is whut I hab obserbed:

Young males ob whutebber species are a mess. Eidder dat, or dey are a mess just waitin for a pwace to okur.

I will cite three hextamples:
Hextample Number Wun: Cat
Name: Cokie-da-Fat-Cat

Cokie issa walkin, talkin mess. Until Maman taked him toda Cat Spa, he was also a stinkin mess, but luck'ly, dey gibbed himma baf. Cuttin off most ob his fur was also a big improobmint, cos at weast he don come in heer ennymore an drag out halffa hay bale stuck to his tail. We're tawkin walkin dustball. An hoomins call whut dey find unnerneaf obba beds "dustBUNNIES"? Who are dey kiddin? Dis issa rovin' dustCAT dat picks up fuzz bedder den most Swiffermops. An alla time, I heer Dadda compwain aboud how fulla cat-litter-box is geddin, an dat is cossa Cokie. Dadda says dat NUFFIN "can convert food innu crap wike dat cat", which is no s'prise to me, cos I knowed alla'long dat catz are fulla crap inna furst pwace.

An nod onwy dat, but dis cat is stoopit. Whut udder creetchur wuld get up onna bed ebbery nite, pry opin Dadda's eyelid wiffa claw just so he kin get airborn? Cos I'm tellin you, dis is whut happins. I heer da bed creek, den I heer da cat purrr, den I heer Dadda say some rilly bad werds an den I heer dis *FUMP* - an dat's Cokie, flyin fru da air an hittin da floor. Now you'd fink datta cat wuld wearn sumfing heer, wouldn'cha? But ebbery nite, dis happins. An den I heer Maman say, "Whut'ssamatter, Darwing?" to Dadda, an Dadda says, "(bad-werd)-Cat's got 'is (bad-werd)-great paw in me eye again, now doesn't 'e?" An dat's how I know datta Cokie-cat don wearn an is derefore, stoopit.

Now dere is also a mean widdle female cat heer an her name is KayCee. I can't stand her. Mind you, I can't stand enny catz, but dis widdle bundul ob spite just aboud takes da carrotcake. She's sneeky, mean, an she's nutz. But she's cleen. She duzzin't gadder fuzz, she duzzin't carry away da hay. She duzzin't smell (much). She spends a wotta time makin shure her coat wooks nice. She's a GURL. An dat'ssa onwy good fing aboud her.

Hextample Number Two: Hoomin
Name: Phil anna Rent-A-Teens

Hokay, we're talkin big-time, werld-cwass S*L*O*Bs heer. Inna way, dey are a wot wike Cokie, onwy wiffoud alla dust. An dey do tend not to smell as bad unwess dey hab bin out inna garden or inna cars doin sumfing dey call "werkin". Den dey can rilly smell, right on up to stink. An sumtimes, when dey are goin sumwheres, dey put on special stinks dat you just can't imagine ennybun wuld wanna smell wike. Sumtimes dere's a combinashun ob stinks, wike wun dat comes frum dere faces, wun frum dere hair, anna nudder wun frum unner dere arms (which is rilly weird).

Dey also leeb whut Maman calls "debris" all ober, an dis mostwy hasta do wif food. Sumtimes dey will share dis food. Dey drink outta cans which dey leeb onna floor or onna tabul or onna winnosill. Sumtimes dees can hab stinks, too. Smells wike sugar an fake froot, mostwy oranges an wimes. Maman is allus yellin at'tem to "cwean up dis pwace" an den dey gets big bags an make a wotta noise wif DEE-BEE-DEEs. Dey habba wotta noisy "VIDEO" games dat Mouse wikes to watch dat skare me cos dey also make a wotta noise. An dey hab big feets dat CLOMP up an downnastairs. Dey are also allus ringing cos dey hab dees "phones" 'tached to dere hands.

So boyz are berry LOUD. Just when I'm lyin down fora nap, Phil goes byda Bun Room, sticks his hed inna door an yells out, "OOO-RAH, bunnies, OOO-RAH!" Skeers me half to def, cos I'm nod 'spectin it. He lernt dis inna pwace called "Da Naby" where I fink dere are a wotta messy, woud boyz who pwobabwy also stink.

Now Maman, an Sistah Beffy are GURLS an dey are hoomins, too, an dey aren't half as noisey, or stinky. In fact, a wotta times, you don ebben know Maman's aroun, cos she spends a wotta time doin whut she calls "reedin" or "werkin onna buk" an dat kinda werk don make her smell wike a train-wrek. Onwy when she's goin out wif Dadda - den she gots funny flower smells, but nuffin dat's gonna make your hair frizzle.

Hextample Number Three: Rabbit
Name: George

George can't finda litterbox wiffa map an bof paws. I don't know whut'ssamatta wif dis kid. I mean, dere issa BIG, RED litterbox heer inna habbytat. You culd get fibe bunnies innit, no pwoblem, all sittin nice, back to back an nobunny wuld be outta room, if you know whut I mean. No tail-touch, which is impawtant.

But will George use it? No.

So Maman gibbed him his own litterbox, a nice speshul square wun wiffa cut-down frunt. She put it in his habbytat, just inna right spot (scientifikly determined).

He 'norred it.

So she put hay innit to make it more innerestin.

He used it assa diner an pootied in frunt obbit.

So George commed ober heer to lib wif me, and dat was hokay, until he decided dat he was gonna use da hay dat I was sabin for brekfast for his personal potty.

Well I stopped dat right off wiffa good clip 'roundda ear.

Den he decided dat he was gonna habba pootie-war wif Beebe.

An Clover an I stopped DAT right away, too, wif simotaneous clips 'roundda ears to bof George an Beebe.

As Belinda sed, can't be habbin wiffat.

So George goes paddlin on big feets, an compwains to Maman dat he don gotta pootiebox. An heer's dis BIG, RED pottiebox, wif room enuf innit for fibe rabbits, sittin heer inna habbytat, warger den life, dat he's 'norrin. So Maman moobs his nice, speshul widdle square pootiebox wiffa cut-down-frunt-for-easy-akcess innu da habbytat for him.

An he pooties onna floor BETWEEN da two pootieboxes!

An all onna'count obba fact dat he issa S*L*O*B.

I rest my case.

Posted by Our Warren at 11:41 AM EDT
Updated: Friday, 24 September 2004 11:49 AM EDT
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Thursday, 23 September 2004
Missy Impawts Wizdom
Mood:  sharp
Now Playing: A Dawg's Pwace & Howta Put Him/Her Dere
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit
Good mornin, HouzBuns. Dis is Missy-Bun.

Since George has bin slackin off typin dis Blog fing, I thought it wuld be good if I hopped up heer an stawted typin sum'obba stuff dat I hab lerned ober da yeers bein a houz-bunny. Impawtin Wizdom to Youngbuns issa 'portant pawt ob bein a 'Tellygint Rabbit. Belinda teached me dat, an I intend to carry on wiffit.

Now wet's ged wun fing straight: I'm frum Noo Yawk. We're tawkin fast-track, bwight-wights, big-citty. Dis issn't gonna be a primmer for noobs an slow-pokes. You godda be tough, you godda be smawt, an you godda be quick.

We're Urban Houzbunnies, savvy buns moobin innu da Footchur. We are on-wine, connekted an in-touch. We are soshully responsible an we are environmentally aware. We ain't'chur grandbuns' "pockit pet" an we don cower out-ob-doors in hutches, waidin for some kinda Hell - we hab moobed innadoors an we WIKE it!

Da furst pawt ob my series on Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit is deboted to A Dawg's Pwace an Howta Put Him/Her Dere.

Dawgs are by far da most numerous houz-pet. I dunno why. Dey are smelly, noisy an dey allus want sumfing you hab. Dey are also allus in your biznezz.

Frum yeers an yeers ob bein inna Houz, dawgs tend to fink dat dey own it all. Dis incloods you. Dis is cos dawgs fink globally. Dey tend to wook around demselbs an fink: It's all mine.

Id issa popular misconception dey harbour. Cos we are bunnies we know, wiffoud rezzyvashuns or hezzytashuns, dat we belong toda Warren, wiffa same rites an pribbeliges as ebberybun else. We do nod bewong to sum stoopit dawg.

I reesentwy herd frumma'nudder bunny datta dawg had stolen his tweat - a pear (or pair, or pare. Spellin is wunna dose fluid fings. Pwease twy to keep up.)

Now we heer at Our Warren we are berry sowwy to heer dat our friend wost a perfektly good pare (or pear, or pair) toda stoopit dawg.

Yes, sadwy, whenna hoomins do not watch, sumtimes, dis will happen whin dawgs ged uppity. Howebber, dawgs an catz must wearn dere pwace inna Warren higher-archy, an dere pwace happins to be atta bottom.

Belinda Bunny, our belubbed Top Bunny an Inkwish Spot who weft us forda Raibow Bridge, taught me alla stuff I needed to know aboud protektin whut's ours, an now I will pass it on to alla you. So wisten up.

We heer at Our Warren gots a stoopit Border Collie dawg named Marc (or Mark, dunno which). He is bwack an white wike me. Belinda god him part-twained bifore she weft forda Rainbow Bridge, so he knows dat snufflin bunnies is nod allowed. An bein bwighter den most dawgs, dis Border Collie also hassa emmagynashun. Dis is cos he has 'sperienced Belinda.

Now Belinda allus sed twainin dawgs is alla aboud Timmy-Dayshun. It's not whut dey know you kin do, bud more wike whut dey fink you mite do to dem dat keeps dem in wine. Dis is cos most dawgs hab an emmagynashun in dat ebben if dey don see or feel you doin sumfing to dem, dey can still gedda preddy good idea ob whut it's gonna be wike if you do do it to dem.

So whutta dawg werries aboud most is his nose. Dat's rite - da nose. Dis is mainly becus a dawg nose is wike a Dawg Guidance System. Take outta Guidence System anna dawg has no idea whut's goin on or whut's comin up next. Anna perfect fing is, datta whole Dawg Guidence System is hanging rite oud dere inna frunt obba whole dawg - an dawgs is basikly not god enny protekshun onna frunt end, but dat frunt end is whut guides da rest obba whole dawg.

So wet's say da Dawg has showed up jus whin your mawmie has gibbin you a tweat, wike whin our friend god his pear (or pair, or pare). An ob course, seein datta bunny has godda tweat, da Dawg 'sooms datta tweat is his/hers (cos dats whut dawgs do.)

Soda Dawg comes for your pear (or pare, or pair). You growl to show Intent. Dat's da Furst Step in Dealin Wif Dawgs: Show Intent. Don' be shy abouddit, cos dawgs don unnerstand or respek "shy", an afterall, dis is your tweat! Id was gibbin to you.

Now whut dawgs respek is strength. So you just shout it out: "Wookit, stoopit! *fump* Dis is my pare!" (don't add da udder bits aboudda "pair or pear" cos wif dawgs, you godda keep it simple.).

If da dawg don't gedda message (an chances are, da dawg won't cos dey rilly *are* stoopit), lunge. Anna dawg will pwobably keep on comin. I know Mark (or Marc) did when Belinda did dis to him. Nod getting da message issa dawg specialty.

So now you're down toda crunch time, an I'm nod kiddin. You godda get your timin rite heer an only hextperience is gonna teach you, but take your time, zero in onna nose - you'll find it's a preddy big target when it's comin at'choo - an stand your gwound. An den, just whenna dawg is aboud to gwab your snak - bang - you bite-release onna nose!

Now, bemember - bite-release. Don't just bite. If you jus bite and hold on, wike our Beebe-Bunny!! you can wind up upinnair wif all four paws offa gwound. Dis will put you atta auty-o-matic tactikle disadbantage. You gotta bite-release an keep alla paws onna gwound!

Now bemember dis, cos you're gonna need all four paws onna gwound if you needa go to Stage Two. An Stage Two issa a 180-Bink-Wif-Back-Kick-Toda-Nose, preferrably landed wif two back feets onna target, which is wunce agin, da Nose. Bud dis issa berry adbanced maneuber dat you habba be reel shure you kin land before you tries it. Pracktice it durin Bunny 500 games by habbin runs arounna walls an bouncin offa furnitchur. Your mawmies an daddas will fink you're bein cute bud onwy you enny obserbant Dawg will know dat you're practissin a high-speed martial-arts drill wif him assa intended target. If he'ssa relatibly switched on dawg, he'll gedda message.

Ushually, da Bite-Release Toda Nose will gib da dawg de idea dat whutebber you got is yours. Most dawgs will go away an compwain to Maman 'boudda nose hurtin. Den dey will aboid bunnies for awhile, but you kin bet dey will be back sayin dey wanna be friends. Now in Marc's (or Mark's) case, dis has preddy much werked, cos all he rilly wants to do is herd us, bud as Belinda told me, "Keep an eye on dis, cos we can't be habbin wif dis."

Oh, an wun obber fing - Maman is allus soopervizin da dawg. She sed dis is nessessarry cos dawgs shuld NEBBER be weft awone wif rabbits, NOT EBBER. In udder werds, I hab compweat permission to beet (or beat) da pooties outta da dawg, but he can't beet (or beat) on me. An Maman sed dat dissis fair, cossa whut Belinda told Marc (or Mark) inna beginnin: "Whut's your's is mine an whut's mine's me own." (She wearned dat frum hearin Dadda tawk in British Inkwish).

I hope dis helps alla you houzbunnies wearn to cope wif Stoopit Dawgs. Just bemember - an it'ssa Furst Admendmint inna Bunny Bill ob Rites - DA BUNNY IS ALLUS RITE!

Posted by Our Warren at 8:45 AM EDT
Updated: Thursday, 23 September 2004 8:47 AM EDT
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Wednesday, 15 September 2004
I Begin Agin/Lub Winns! - By George
Mood:  caffeinated
Well, Maman sed dat I have to stawt typin inna Blog ebbery day frum now on. She sed Belinda wuld 'spect it ob me, an I know she's rite aboud'dat, cos Belinda told me she 'spected sumbun to keep uppa Hay Diaries for hur when she left forda Rainbow Bridge. She sed dat wun ob us wuld feel da urge to type, an I guess dat sumbun is me, cos I amma wun dat is feelin fings an typin dem down.

Cos dis mornin, well, I am feelin preddy good. An I hab lerned sumfing 'portant, too, an Belinda sed dat dis issa kind ob fing dat I shuld type inna Hay Diaries - 'portant stuff.

So heer issa 'portant fing: Lub conkors all.

Keep dis in mind while I tell you how I commed to wearn it.

Hokay, dis is how my day stawted:

I god up, cos I amma Bonded Bunny now, an I hadda dwink ob wadder, an I had sum hay, wike Hunny sed I shuld, an den I hadda toss wiffa toy, an den I did a widdle gwoom on Missy's hed (cos dis is whutta good husbun does, she sed) just to show hur dat I care (cos I do. She's a wunnerful Missy!).

An den I wint ober nextest to da lattice an sed "Mornin" to Clover (cos I'mma gud neighbour), an I was jus'aboud to gib a neighbourly "Yo" to Beebe-Bunny!! (who is bonded to Clover), whin he sticks his nose fru da lattice an says to me,

"YO! Ged your paws offa my wommin."

An I'm wike, "Yo, Beeb."

Now you godda unnerstand dat Beeb don meen annyfing by dis "my wommin" stuff. He'ssa small bunny, bud he's older den me an he's got whut Maman calls "ishoos". Wun ob his ishoos is dat he finks alla gurl-buns inna Warren are his. Dis is nod troo, bud as Maman says, id's his fantasy, an normally, id don't hurt nobun, so wet him habbit.

You see, Maman says dees ishoos are nod Beebe's fault. Id has sumfing to do wiffa fakt dat (an dis is hard for me to unnerstand, so hang in dere wif me fora minit) whinna V-E-T wint to snatch da Beeb's berries, dere were udder bits in'im, so he's not 'zacktly a male or a female, he's confoozled frum his insides out. He's male sorta by agreemint, cos ackchually, da V-E-T just gibbed up an snatched not onwy da poor widdle guy's berries, bud ebberting else in dere, too. Maman sed Beeb'ssa "Troo Her-maf-fro-dite" which is berry rare an speshul, bud which also makes him wun big Pain Inna Rear Sekshuns, cos he finks he'ssa Super Boy-Bun an alla gurl-bunnies are bonded to him.

Ennyways, Maman sed I hab to be nice to him onna'kount ob dis stoopit idea ob his issn't rilly his idea so much as it issa "ishoo" which issn't his fault. Or sumfing.

Hunny says, "Bugger dat fora game ob soldjers." an calls him "Yoboy." bud poor old Hunny has bin kinda onna grumpy side since Belinda wint toda Bridge. Maman sed Hunny needs to be more "Chair-it-table" an Hunny says, "Bugger dat, too."

Mouse sed dat, no madder whut Maman says, I hab to uphold my manhood, whutebber dat meens.

So heer we are dis mornin. An I'm nod doin ennyfing in partikular, an suddenwy, Beebe comes innu Missy an my habbytat!

An I'm wike, "Yo Beeb. Whut'ssup?"

An heer he is, wookin up at me sayin, "I'mma berry BIG rabbit an I'm gonna beet your butt for touchin MY wommin!"

An Missy is wike, "Oh Pleeeeeeeezh!"

An I'm finkin, "Uh oh."

An den Missy hollars out, "Hey Clober! He's ober heer agin!"

An Clover *fumps* wif her big back foot (an she's gots nice wuns, wike Missy, but Clover hassa Sexy Rexy toes), an she yells, "Beebe-Bunny, get your widdle round white butt back inn'ere!"

An it's wike Beebe can't heer hur, cos he standin dere facin me, all puffed out, twyin to wook twice his normal small size.

An he growls ad me, "George, dis issa wast straw! I'm gonna show you who issa Top Bun in dis Warren."

Well, I'm wike, surprised, wike. Cos ebberybunny inna Warren knows datta onwy Top Bun in Our Warren ebber was Belinda, an when she left to go toda Bridge to be wif Hawthorn, Hunny taked ober, bud he's berry old an tired an he don' much wike Top Bunnin enny more. He's onwy doin it cos he says dere is nowun else t'do it. Bud some nights he fortygeds to doda rounds, an udder nights, he says he don feel wike it, an he doesn't sort out enny pwoblems so much as he tells us not to hab dem. Inna way, you can't blame him. He's thirteen yeers old an he's bin Top Bun an retired, an now he hasta go back to doin it. It's not fair on him, rilly.

But Mouse says he's nod reddy to be Top Bun onna'count ob he's too noo toda Warren, an I'm too young an not 'Tellygint enuf to beda Top Bun, an none obba gurls wanna be Top Bun, an Beebe, well, Beebe issa few strands short obba full bale ob hay onna'count ob his "ishoos". So we kinda do an don't habba Top Bun, bud it shur as heck issn't Beebe.

So I was kinda 'sprised whin Beebe sed he was gonna show me he was takin ober assa Top Bun.

Bud I didn habba whole wotta time to be susprised, cos while I was still doin it, Beebe sorta popped uppina air an wanded on my hed!

So I shook my hed an he falled off.

An I wooked at him an sed, "Maman sed I can't hurt you."

An Clover calls out fru da lattice, "Yeah don hurt him. Dat's my job."

Now I know Clover didn' meen dat jus dat way, but she's Beebe's wife-bun, an she does gen'rally manage to keep him frum doin any rilly, seriouswy stoopid fings, wike bitin Dadda. Howebber, she can't keep him frum doin alla stoopit fings he takes innu his hed to do. An jus at dis momint, he was inna middul ob habbin a rilly stoopit idea an she culdn't stop it.

So Beeb takes anudder rush ad me, an Clover *fumps* an so does Missy. An Mouse, hearin da commoshun, he stawts wif a *fump*, too, onwy, he's god widdle feets, so it's nod much obba *fump*, bud preddy serious for alla dat. Hunny, bein deaf assa doorstop, is still 'sleep wif Poet.

An Beebe pops up inna air, jumps ober me an wands onna top ob Missy.

Well, Missy's a Big Gurl. An she's da panicky type. So don't she jus panick an go runnin aroun in cirkuls, shoutin,

"Gedoff, GEDOFF, GED'EMOFF ME!!"

Wif Beebe clingin on to hur butt tighter denna tick.

At which point, she runs innu me, anna free ob us go down inna pile ob paws, fur, wegs, toys, ears, hay, butts an hebbin knows whut else.

An den dere issa mad scramble.

An whin I ged up, I'm wearin Beebe on my hed agin.

An I'm finkin to myself: "Dis has godda stop."

Bud Maman won't wet us bite. She has god "ROOLZ" abouddit an you don go bweakin Maman's Roolz or she says you won' ebber see anudder tweat forda "restob your widdle wife" (which is preddy serious). Now Hunny says dis is nod troo, dat he's bwokin ebbery Rool Maman's ebber made an den sum, an he still geds alla tweats he wants, bud I'm nod takin chances.

So whut's a peace-lubbin bunny todo? An it's troo, I amma lubber, nodda fighter. Maman sed so. She allus sayin dat I'mma lubber. An Maman is also allus sayin dat lub conkors all.

Luckily, I bemembered dat while I was wearin Beebe wike a hat.

So I shook Beebe off my hed, an gwabbed hold obb'em - an bememberin whut Maman had sed, I hugged him.

Yes, I hugged Beebe wike he was my dearest fwiend. Wike he was my dawling widdle brudder. Wike be was my sweetie-pie angel bunny. I hugged him, an hugged him, an hugged him sum more...

An den Dadda comed innu da Bun Room.

An Beebe calls out, "YO! I GODDIT,Dad! I'm WINNIN'."

So I hugged him sum'more, jus to be onna safe side.

An Missy's shouts: "GEDDA WIDDLE PERVERT OUTTA HEER!"

An Clover's shouts: "HE MAY BEA PERVERT, BUD HE'S MY PERVERT!"

An Beeb is now goin step by step wif me huggin him, towards his own habbytat.

An Mouse is shoutin, "Bite his butt! Bite his butt!"

An den Hunny calls out, "Will you guys shut up? I'm twyin to sleep ober heer! Hab sum hay an knock dis stuff off!"

An den I heer sum skufflin aroun in his habbytat, an den he shouts agin, "Whut? George is gonna bite sumbun's butt? Bugger! I godda see dis."

An now Mouse is jumpin up an down in his habbytat, yellin, "Bit his butt! Bite his butt!"

An I'm huggin Beebe, alla time bememberin whut Maman sed: "Lub conkors all."

An den I seed Dadda's hand reach down an Beebe goes up, an I falls offa Beeb an lands *spwaat* onna floor.

An Dadda says, "Dat's enuf, George."

An he wooks at Beebe, who's siddin on his hand, nod ebben twyin to struggle, an he says, "You hadda'nuff, Beebe?"

An Beebe wooks up at Dadda an mudders, "Yo."

So Dadda puds Beebe back innu his own habbytat an Clover stawts wickin his ears an I kin heer hur say, "Who's mawmie's stpopit widdle man?"

An Dadda says to'im, "Well, dat'll wearn ya, ya daft widdle sod."

An Hunny finally *fumps* wif his furry back foots an calls oud, "Bugger!I MISSED IT!"

An as I'm wyin dere, I finks to myself, "You know, George, Maman is rite: Lub does conkor all. Ebben Ishoos."

Posted by Our Warren at 9:54 AM EDT
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Wednesday, 1 September 2004
Small Bunnies - By George
Mood:  quizzical

I am sorry dat I hab bin away fur awhile. Dis is Maman's fault (issn't ebberyfing?). She has bin rilly, rilly sik an twyin to hide it, wikea good bunny shuld. As she sed to me da udder day,

"Nebber, ebber wet dem see a weaknis."

Yeah, well, she is rite aboud dat. Cos when you is prey, anna whole werld is fulla preddytors, showin a weaknis is jus pwain stoopit.

Bud, den, in dis werld, you also god your "Protecktors". Maman has Dadda, who is alla'boud protecktin. Mainwy, he's godda proteckt hur frum hurself, cos as Belinda noted elsewhere inna Blog, Maman can ged hurself innu a werld ob trubble wifoud ebben finkin aboudd'it (well, whut Belinda sed wassat Maman doesn't fink wike udder hoomins fink, which is howcome she can ged innu a werld ob trubble all on hur own, wiffoud requirin enny help frumma rest ob us.).

Now, Dadda is your basik Good Protecktor. He is, furst ob all, BIG. Speshully when you are sittin onna floor, wookin up (or as Belinda wuld say, "Frum wun fut offa gwound.").

Bud nod alla Portecktors inna werld are big, wike Dadda. In fact, whut I hab noticed issat a wotta da rilly woud, rilly b'lligerant, self-'pointed Protecktors in Our Warren are kinda onna (forgib me for noticin') small side.

You take Mouse.

Now Mouse issa normal Netherlands Dwarf. Small, over-all gen'rally round shape; pointed, Tellygint ears an' neet feets.

Butta good fing aboud Mouse issat Mouse knows dat he is small. He knows dat he is small, but dat he is also one fast, tough, persistant widdle Muther-Ob-All-Battles.

Mouse's habbytat is rite by da door an he Keeps An Eye Out alla time, an he knows when to *thump* an when not to *thump*, an he knows da rite way to conduct a Pooty-War an alla dat stuff.

Belinda sed dat Mouse issa "Cwassik Adbersaryul Male" an I shuld wearn stuff frum him aboud Honnur an Bunny'tude in order to become a truly 'Tellygint Bunny.

An den you take BeeBe-Bunny!! Please!

Now Beeb issa "Cwassic Idjit", Belinda sed. Maman says dat he has "Issues". Dadda calls him "See'ere-Sunshine" an keeps sayin dey are gonna habba "fallin-oud", whutebber dat is.

Hunny says BeeBe issa'boud twelbe pounds ob pooties inna four pound bag ob fur, an Mouse sed if we wet da hot air out ob him, da Bun Room wuld float.

Ennyways, BeeBe issa Hot-Tot, a breed ob bunny dat hassa widdle white body wif widdle black ears an widdle black rings around his eyes, anna widdle black tail. Cute guy; weighs aboud four pounds, mostly teef.

Budda fing is, BeeBe finks, in fackt, he's rilly possytib dat he issa RILLY HUGE rabbit.

An he finks dat he shuld own ebbryfing inna Bun Room.

An he finks dat he shuld own alla gurl bunnies in Our Warren.

An he finks dat he issa Top Bun in Our Warren, too.

An he finks dat he is bigger, an badder, an gen'rally sus'perior to Dadda an kin beat Dadda's butt enny time he wants.

Which is sum seriously stoopit finkin, if you axt me.

So I wooked down at BeeBe da udder day, an I sed, "Hey, Beeb."

An he sed, "YO!"

An I sed, "So, wike, whut's up wif dis bein a seriously huge rabbit an all, when I'm bigger den you are, an when eidder Clover - which is your wife-bun, or my wife-bun, Missy - culd sit on you an make you dissypear? I mean, if you're so big, all free ob us are bigger den you, den howcome you fink you're such a big rabbit?"

An BeeBe wooked at me fora sekond, an den bwinked. Den he did a widdle half-binky, growled, cirkuled bak an sed, "Cos I am."

An I sed, "Am, whut?"

An he sed, "In real life, I amma berry BIG rabbit!"

An I'm wike, "Well, hokay. Dat's your story." an went off to hab sum hay, cos Hunny says dat helps you to cwear your hed obba non-sense dat normally geds innu it.

Bud I'm still wonderin abouddit. Because I hear dere are udder small bunnies who seem to habba same conbikshuns dat BeeBe has - dat dey are HUGE, TOUGH, ALPHA-RAMBO-NINJA-BUNNY rabbits, when dey are rilly small, fluffy, cute-wookin bundles ob toofs an fur wif rotten atty'tudes. An yet, dere are seriously HUGE, STRONG, GIANT RABBITS dat habba personalwity ob cuddlebuns.

So go figger. Cos it beats da heck outta me!

Posted by Our Warren at 12:41 PM EDT
Thursday, 26 August 2004
Bloggin - By George
Mood:  chatty

Well. (Dis is my werd.)

Now dat I am readin da noospapers on-wine wif Maman inna mornin, I am geddin 'Tellygint. Maman sed dat it will bea slooow process. She says ebberyfing issa "process": fwowers do nod jus opin wiffa "pop" an bunnies do nod jus wake up alla suddin 'Tellygint. It happins ober time, a widdle bit heer anna widdle bit dere, an den, bifore you know it, you turn aroun, an wow-wook-atta-dat! you're all gwowed up an 'Tellygint.

So I am gonna stop twyin to waid to become 'Tellygint an jus ged to werk onnit.

An I'm stawtin wif usin my own werd "Well" insted ob usin Belinda's werd "So". Bud Maman sed I kin still use Belinda's werd, as long as I "attwibbyboot" my source. I allus habba bemember to do dat. Whin you attwibbyboot a source, dat meens dat you say who did it bifore you did, so dat if dey screwed up, you don ged blamed for it - an if dey done good, you can't take alla credit cos you didn't doda werk.

Seems fair to me.

So. I mean, Well. ("So" is Belinda's werd. "Well" is mine.)

I thought dat tiday I wuld 'splain "Bloggin". I hadda lern 'boud it since I'm doin it.

Bloggin is short werds for "Web-log", which means typin inna on-line journal.

Yup, dat's it. Myst'ry solbed. By George.

Inna noospapers, a wotta hoomins are parentwy typin in blogs cossa 'Publican Nashunal Conbenchun is gonna be comin to Noo Yawk Near Us.

Maman helped me to finda werd "Publican" inna dickshunary. It means a "landlord" or "keeper obba pubwick houz". Oh, an "Pubwick" means hoomins ob all kinds.

Maman sed datta most publicans keep pubs. She was nod payin much 'tenshun to whut I was sayin, so I hopped down offa her lap an wint to axt Dadda boudda pubs.

Dadda is frum Inkwand an Dadda tawks boudda pubs where he commed frum. It seems dat Inkwand hassa wotta pubs, so I guess dat dey hab publicans, too. I guess dey also hab conbenchuns, since it seems a hoomin fing todo.

Now Dadda sumtimes tawks aboud when he was younger inna Unnybersity, he god innu "pub-brawls" which wuld be your basik fites. He sed dere wassa wotta dat happinin in pubs. He sed he don do dat now cos he is nod inna Unnybersity an he don dwink (which issa fib, cos he dwinks a wotta stuff called "tee".)

Bud its hokay, cos inna unnybersity guys tend to fite wike me an Beebe - call a few names, take a few bops, pull sum fur, an den it's ober.

He sed most obba landlords wuld frow you oud whin you fite, jus wike he allus pulls me an Beebe apart whin it wooks wike we is gonna stawt sumfing. Maman sed Beebe an I cannot be twusted cos Beebe an I are jus pwain Stoopit Aboud Sum Fings. Whutebber. I say dat if he is gonna sneek innu my habbytat, I don wike it, an he says he kin sneek in whenebber he feels wike it if I wike it or nod. Fing is, it's my habbytat, rite?

Well. Maman sed we godda shut uppaboud it cos she don hold wif fitin. I guess Maman issa landlord or sumfing, bud she sed she wuldn't go to enny conbenchuns cos she haddit wif Noo Yawk yeers ago, an too menny hoomins gaddered togedder in wun pwace make her skert.

Bud if dere issa conbenchun ob landlords, I wuld guess dat dey wuld ged togedder to talk aboudda ways ob frowin oudda young guys frumma Unnybersity (Note: a hoomin pwace to ged 'Tellygint - attwibbybooted to Dadda) who ged inna stoopid fites dat don meen ennyfing, wike me an Beebe.

Well.

Hokay, so Maman sed dat dere will be wotta hoomins typin blogs aboud dis stuff, jus wike a wotta hoomins typed a wotta blogs aboudda demmykatik conbenchun, which is (I guess) whenna wotta "Demmys" (gotta wook dat up) got togedder sumwheres (wook dat up, too) to do sumfing (wook dat up).

So (Attwibbybooted to Belinda who usta say it alla time, but it's hokay, I kin use it.).

Whut it wooks wike to me issat a wotta hoomins are gonna do a wotta typin aboutta fightin inna pubs by a wotta young guys.

Sumhow, I don seeda point.

I meen, mebbe I'm nod berry 'Tellygint yet, bud I wuld raffer type aboud raisins, an nanners an bondin an makin holes an stuff dat I wike radder den type aboudda wotta young hoomins habbin fites in pubs ober nuffin. Sure, guys ged innu fites. It's wunna da fings dat happins before you ged 'Tellygint an wearns stuff wike "Patience" an "Whin to Shut Up". Dadda sed dat stuff comes wif Age an da hextperience ob geddin tired ob pikkin yourself up offa floor, or da hextperience ob geddin tired ob puttin frozin veggies onna eye (I'm nod shure abouddis wun.). Ennyway, Dadda says "You gwow outta it."

So I guess you gwow outta typin abouddit, too. Or at weast I do.

I wuld radder wook outta windor an see da werld go by, or watch da cwoulds chase each udder acrosst da sky.

Publicans an Demmykats. I dunno. Mebbe I've outgwown dat stuff. Id happins when you ged 'Tellygint.

Posted by Our Warren at 7:34 AM EDT
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Tuesday, 24 August 2004
Tinkers Bubble - By George
Mood:  chatty

Belinda sed dat I needed to become 'Tellygint. Now Belinda wassa berry 'Tellygint bunny, an she usta go downnastairs wif Maman to reeda noospapers onna WerldWideWeb ebbery mornin. Den she wuld sometimes write aboud whut she lerned inna noospapers in hur Blog, which is dis fing dat I am typin in.

So. (Belinda usta type dis)

Tiday I axted Maman if I culd come downnastairs wif hur to reeda noospapers wif hur, jus wike Belinda.

An Maman sed, "Hokay." An piked me up an we wint downnastairs toda 'puter to reeda noospapers togedder.

So I sat on Maman's lap an cos I dunno howta reed, Maman reeded to me. So we was reedin inna noospaper called "Da Guardian On-Line" which comes frum Inkwand where Maman usta lib an where Dadda comes frum.

An Maman sed, "Wisten George, dere issa pwace in Somerzet in Inkwand where Dadda commed frum, and sum pipple dere hab builded a farm called 'Bubble'."

An I finked, "Sounds nice. Berry friendly, pwace called 'Bubble'. Means dat dey are bizzy wike bubbles inna pot, an I'm a bizzy bunny. Means dat da pwace just rides onna surface ob fings, an I'm all for dat. Bubbles also can burst, bud we'll see how dis werks oud."

An Maman wint on: "An 'Bubble' issa hextperimental community built to see if pipple can lib togedder wiffout using oil or fossil fuels. Cossa werld is runnin outta cheap fuel to run machines, runna cars, runna hareplanes, an to probide heat an wight." Den she wooked at me an sed, "Nuffin wasts forebber. We are runnin outta oil an rite now oil is whut permits humans to lib as dey do, Babby. Assa speeshees, we hoomins kin manipulate our environment cos we hab oil. Da rise obba Industrial Rebbelooshun is built onna back ob fossil fuel."

An I sed, "Oh." Cos I dunno whutdaheck she's tawkin aboud. Dis issa pawt ob bein 'Tellygint where Belinda had me beet. Cos Belinda knowed.

An Maman wint on: "An so sum pipple in Inkwand where Dadda commed frum made a farm dat did not use enny oil. Dey called da farm 'Bubble'. Dey had sum cows anna horse."

An I thought, "Sounds good. Horses are just big bunnies wif underpowered bwains."

An Maman sed, "An dey builded houzes dat used wood to keep da pipple warm an to cook dere food. Dis mada pollytishuns mad. Anna pollytishuns wanted da pipple to stop usin wood, which issa renewable resorce, an to use gas or oil to cook dere food. Dey cited LAWS dat sed you can't burn wood, but you kin burn udder stuff, like oil or gas, in order to cook food. Onwy Big Compinies build houzes wif oil, 'lektrik an gas burnin stobes inn'em. Bud if you build your own houz an burn wood, which is renewable, den you aren't alloud. Hmmm..."

Whin Maman says "Hmmmm..." wike dat, she is finkin.

Den Maman reeded sum more. An she said, "An den da pollytishins sed datta milk, cheese an butter frumma cows at Bubble couldn't be sold atta markit cos it was made da old-fashioned way, wiffout using oil or gas to heet it to certain tempychurs. LAWS dat effectibwy prebent enny small-holder frum makin cheese or butter an sellin it cos dey won't habba 'Quipmint datta big Dairy Compinies hab. Soda Big Dairy Companies keep alla bizniz."

An Maman sed, "Hmmm..." agin.

An den she thought sum more, an sed, "George?"

An I sed, "Whut?"

An she axted me, "Whut'cha fink?"

An I thought, "Uh oh, dis is just wike Belinda! Bud Belinda usta habba 'Pinion on Ebberyting! She wassa 'Tellygint Bunny an I am nod! Now whut?"

An den I thought, "Hang on dere, Berry Boy - THINK! You kin do it! Belinda didn't say you was stoopid, she sed you needed to ged 'Tellygint, which are two dif'frunt fings. Stoopid means you don't godda hope, but 'Tellygint means using whut'cha got."

So I finked reel hard and den I sed,

"Hokay, whut I fink is dis: Hoomins are 'mazingly stoopid, bud sumtimes dey kin be 'mazinly smawt, too. So I fink da Big Compinies needa werk outta nudder rewable resource inna hurry an nod be greedy to squeeze ebberyfing dey kin outta fossil fuels. Da Big Compinies wook wike dinosaurs to me. Dey are fat, dum an runnin in cirkuls twin to keep ebberyting da same. Da dinosaurs was fat, dum an dey runned in cirkuls twyin to pwetend nuffin was happinin dat was bad, and den dey runned outta time. Soda wesson heer seems wike 'Don bea dinosaur.' I fink dat's preddy cleer. Soda ansur is also preddy cleer: Gedda noo idea an geddit Quick. Stay ahed obba die-off an ged in onna rebirf."

Den I wooked up at Maman an sed, "Hozzat?"

An Mamn sed, "You're doin good, Widdle Bunny. I fink you shuld be writin forda "Guardian" noospaper."

So. (As Belinda usta say.)

Dat's where we are dis mornin. Maman's still readin da noospapers, but I godda raisin, which issa renewable resource.

Dis 'Tellygint fing might just werk out.

Posted by Our Warren at 10:28 AM EDT
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Sunday, 22 August 2004
Da Windors Is Opin - By George
Mood:  happy

Tiday wassa nice day! Da sun was out. Da breeze (which has bin missin-in-akshun forda wast few days) was bwowin...

Dadda an Maman commed innu da Bun Room early bifore church an opined ALLA WINDORS inna Bun Room! An whut windors dere was! Dere is just windors ebberwhere inna werld if you just wooks for'dem, just wike Belinda said!

She sed: "Da werld is so fulla number of fings, dat I'm shure we shuld all be as hoppy as Kings. Sum guy writed dat an id is troo, widdle bunny, George."

An she is RITE!

Da werld is fulla windors ! I know becos I hab smelled dem tiday whin Maman an Dadda opined alla our windors. Now I know why hoomins calla gwass fings inna wall "windors" - cos whin dey is opin, alla windors inna werld kin come inside!

An wemme tell you, da smells - OH DA SMELLS dat commed in! Commin in onna breezes!

Whut was commin inna windors was winderous!

Missy an I jus sat in our habbytats, noses goin "twenty-fibe toda dozzen" as Hunny said.

Bud whut smells!

Well, lemme tell you whut was goin on inna neighbourhood! Dere was so much!

Sumbun was mowin dere lawn. I know, cos I smelled it!

Sumbun else was paintin. I fink it was Maman an Dadda, cos I could heer dem tawkin togedder an dey was waffin an tawkin. An do you know whut? I heered Dadda tawkin aboud'da guy anna cellyphone onna twain, an he was tawkin to Maman, an den I heered Manan go,

"Whoops!" an she stawted waffin.

An I heered Dadda say, "So I dwopped da broosh inna paint! So whut? Tell ennywun you wan, but just don' tell Phil!"

An Maman sed, "Well, who am I gonna tell? Silly boy!" an I fink she musta wicked him onna hed, cos I heered him waff.

Hoomins is funny dat way. Dey don't wick wike we do. Dey make a *smack* sound dat I can't make, an Missy wuld *bop* me wiff'er paws if I did!

An den I heered a guitar acrosst da stweet (bud dey don pway as gud as Phil-da-Lad!) an den I heered da kidwets frum nextest store go by onna tick-tick-tick montin-bikes. An den I heered a tinkwy song inna air!

An I heered Maman say, "If dat Ice-creem man don't gedda noo song, I'm gonna stwangle him."

So I knowed it wassa ice-creem truck comin!

Anna song pwayed, and pwayed, an pwayed, and drowned oud alla udder songs...

An den it went downnastreet, an den I heered da birdies, an Jamie who libs nextest door callin her kidlets to come innu da houzez, cos id is geddin a widdle bid chilly, anna sun is goin down anna shadows is geddin wonger an wonger heer inna Bun Room. Soon it will be nite, I fink.

So Missy an I are cuddled up, an so are Hunny an Poet an Beebe an Clover... Bud I feel a widdle sad for Mouse, cos he is nod bonded wike we are. Mebbe he wuld be more friendwy if he hadda bondmate... ora mawmie... or sumfing... sumbun besides toys anna haypile. Belinda is rite, dat dere issa wot more toa bunny wife denna pile ob hay anna pwate ob salad. Dere are smells, anna sunshine, an fwiends...

So mebber Maman or Dadda will come uppastairs soon an cwose our windor for tinite, an turn onna Wight, cos id is a widdle cool now anna sounds are preddy much all gone anna smells are just obba stweet anna gwass onna wawn... inna werld fulla windors.

Posted by Our Warren at 7:04 PM EDT
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Wednesday, 18 August 2004
Whin A Bunny Gets No Sleep - By George
Mood:  crushed out

Whut issa madder wif hoomins? Dey don't seem to know 'boud sweep... er, sleep. Closin eyes an restin' inna dawk an quiet - which seems to be atta preemium aroun heer.

I mean, heer are da bunnies, all in dere habbytats. We hab our food, our hay, our wadder and we hab had tweats.

Well, nod enuf tweats, bud dere are nebber enuf tweats, you know?

Ennyways...., I meen, SO - as Belinda - yeah, you know whut Belinda usta say.

So.

We are in our habbytats an id is dawk. So we are goin to go t'sweep.

Maman an Dadda go innu dere Room-Nextest-Door an I heer Maman ged innu da bed. Den I heer Dadda ged innu da bed.

So far, so gud.

Den da wight on Dadda's side goes oud. Id geds a widdle bit dawker inna Bun Room. Den Maman's wight goes oud. Id geds a widdle bid dawker inna Bun Room.

Den alla suddin, da wight inna hallway goes on.

Whutdaheck?

"Ummm, sorry."

Wight goes oud. It was Phil an he fortygedded aboud turnin onna wight.

So he comes uppastairs an turns onna bafroom wight.

Bun Room geds bwight.

Poet stands up an falls ober hur tin cup, so Hunny says, "Shaddup, woomin! I'm twyin t'sweep!"

An Missy frows a toy. Well, doesn't dat just bonk offa side obba habbytat just above Beebe's hed.

So he shouts, "YO!"

An Mouse *Fumps*.

So den I heer da bed inna Room-Nestest-Toda-Bun-Room creak an I heer Dadda go, "OUCH! Whut wassat for?"

An Maman goes, "Whut?"

An Missy frows her toy agin an hits me onna hed. An I'm wike, "HEY! Whut wassat for?"

An Missy says, "Cos."

An Hunny *Thumps*.

So den Phil comes outta da bafroom an shuts oud dat wight. An I heer Maman say, "Will you PWEASE gota bed?"

An Phil says, "Shur. Nite, Mom." An turns onna wight inna hallway.

An Mouse *THUMPS*, bud harder dis time.

An Phil says, "Opps. Habit. Sorry." Anna wight goes off an Phil goes off downnahall.

So now it's dawk agin inna Bun Room.

Den I heer Da Fat Cat come climbin uppastairs. He goes innu Maman an Dadda's Room-Nestest-Door-To-Ours.

Da bed creaks an I heer Da Fat Cat say, "I'm hooooongry."

An I heer Maman say, "Oh no you don't."

Den I heer a *FUMP* an id issn't a rabbit. Id's da sound obba Fat-Cat hittin da floor.

So den a widdle waiter, I heer Dadda say, "Buggerit." Anna bed creaks, an Dadda shuffles oud innu da hall.

An Hunny says, "Buggerdis." an shuffles ober to a corner where he can't see da wight frumma bafroom dat is now on agin.

An Beebe shouts, "YO!" cos it seems wike da fing to do an frows a BellBall.

So I frow wunna da barrels in heer in Missy an my habbytat just tobe soshuhable-wike.

Bud Dadda sicks his hed inna Bun Room door an says, "Will you buggers keep it down in heer?"

Den I heer Phil's door opin downnahall. An he calls oud,

"Did sumwun call me?"

An Dadda calls back, "Onwy if your name is 'Bugger'."

An Phil says, "Oh."

An Maman says, "If you two don gota sweep..." Bud she doesn't finish offa sentence. She jus sorta wet's it hang inna air wike sum kinda threat...

Den Dadda goes downnastairs an I heer da tea-keddle makin noise.

Well, by dis time, dere is wight aroun alla winders inna Bun Room.

An I'm finkin, You know, I habbin't bin to bed yet.

An Missy geds up, an she stretches an den puds hur big ol' hed down for me to wick, an I jus sort ob wooks at hur, wike, "Are you nutz?" an goes off fru da Hole to my side obba habbytat.

Cos I know dat id is day outside, bud I'm tellin you - I'M TIRED!


Posted by Our Warren at 12:17 PM EDT
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Tuesday, 17 August 2004
Rewayshunships - By George
Mood:  surprised

So. (As Belinda wiked to type.)

Dis is whut habbin a wife-bun issa'boud.

I'm heer on my side obba habbytat, wookin oud atta hallway. Missy is on hur side cos she can't fit fru da Hole.

We godda wotta hay aroun deer, sum on my side obba habbytat an sum on hur side. She says datta hay on my side tastes bedder denna hay on hur side an I'm sposed to be ober heer pushin da hay fru frum heer to dere.

Yeah. Hokay. Well.

So. (As Belinda usta say.)

I'm siddin heer wookin oud onna hallway. Maman an Dadda was jus heer, bud now dey are gone downnastairs. Howebber Maman was sneezin an wookin all bedraggled in hur purple sweatshirt dat issa'boud free times too big fur hur an hangs down aroun her nees, an Dadda wooks all sharp in his soot, an collar an tie, cos he wuz goin toda "werk" fingie. An Maman was shufflin aroun inna bloo slippers an Dadda was stridin an stompin in his bwack "Oxferds" dat hassa yummy-wookin laces on'em.

An Dadda wooks atta Maman an says dat she issa "Boot'full wady."

An I'm wookin an finkin, "Buddee, you needs your gwasses on." An den I notice dat he's wearin dem.

An den I'm finkin, "Waidaminit. He's nod wookin at'ter wiff'is eyes. Or mebbe he iswookin at'ter wiff'is eyes, bud he's not wookin at hur wiff'is eyes."

If you you know whut I meen.

Wike wast nite.

Maman comed innu da Bun Room an wooked at Missy an sed, "Missy, you hairball. Wook at your backside."

An so I wooked at Missy's backside, an I finked, "Yup, preddy nice wun."

An Maman's dere shakin hur hed in dissypproval at Missy's backside. So I wooked at Missy's butt agin, an den I seed whut Maman was tawkin aboud - dere was sum woose hairs dat needs mebbe to be brooshed. But whut's a few woose hairs? Da gurl is sheddin. Big deel! So whut? We all sheds! Id's pawt ob bein a bunny. An id has nuffin tado wif how preddy or nod preddy Missy is. When I wook ad Missy I see da mostest lubly bun-inna-werld. Id's da ober-all 'feckt obba round, boot'full bunny-gurl. My bun-wife. Missy.

As Dadda says, "Id issn't da package, it's whut's inside."

Id's wookin at whut is dere by wookin fru. If you know whut I meen. Seein, bud nod wiffa eyes, mebbe - or issit seein wiffa inner eyes? Or seein wiffa eyes shutted? How aboud seein wiffoud eyes!

So I kin see wiffoud my eyes!

So. (As Belinda ustas type when she'd lerned sumfing.)

I just now wooked fru da Hole an told dis to Missy. She bwinked an pushed hur nose fru furdder an sed, "So gwoom me, hokay?"

So I did. Bud onwy a cuple ob wicks, cos I'm still finkin aboud dis noo discobbery.

I kin see wiffoud eyes!

So dis is why Maman is boot'ful in hur purple sweatshirt an bloo slippers, an why Missy hassa perfekt butt ebben wiffa sheddin fur.

An dis is why Goofy Ol' Poet is preddy when she binkies an wands on Poor Owd Hunny's hed, an why Clober is motherwy-sweet ebben doh she is 'mazinwy fat, an why Beebe is cute when he's twyin to be bun-ninja an shouts, "YO!", an why Mouse is just so 'doryable ebben doh he's rite now gibbin me da RBB an sayin,

"Watchit, Berry Boy. Cos whin I ged outta here, I'll show you 'doryable' on your fuzzy, fat hed."

Oh. Whooops.

Hmmm. So (As Belinda usta say, buyin time...)

I fink mebbe seein wif bof sorts ob eyes, da inner anna oudder eyes, is going to be a good idea...

Oh an I habba noo song:
Pushin sum hay...
I'm pushin sum hay...
Pushin sum hay fru to Miss-ee!
I'm pushin sum hay...
Pushin sum hay...
Pushin sum hay fru to Miss-ee...

Posted by Our Warren at 12:46 PM EDT
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Monday, 16 August 2004
I hab seed da HURRY-CANE - by George
Mood:  caffeinated

Id came an id went an id is gone - da HURRY-CANE. I amma sur-bi-bor houzrabbit.

Yup, I hab bin inna HURRY-CANE an discobbered it was nuffin budda wotta rain. Hunny sed it culd hab bin a wotworser, bud it wassn't. He sed dat HURRY-CANES are funny fings in dat dey are wike hoomins: You kin nebber tell whin wun obb'em is gonna turn oud to be a reel stinker jus frumma'pearances.

So. (As Belinda usta say.)

We are fine at Our Warren. Maman is still sik. I am still bonded to Missy. Beebe is still geddin usta da idea. Poet is fine, Hunny is still callin me "Berry-boy" an Mouse is predictin dat I am gonna go toda V-E-Ts berry soon. I dunno why, cos I'm feelin preddy gud, to tell you da troof.

Wast nite, Missy showed me aboud Toys.

Now, Maman is preddy big on gibbin us bunnies "toys" to pway wif. She finks we gets bored bein on our own inna Bun Room sumtimes, so she goes outta her way to find stuff to pud innu our habbytats wif us. Mostwy dis jus creates cwutter, an, inna Owd Folks case, fings dat dey kin fall ober, bud dat's our Maman - allus helpful, just nod "too switched on" as Belinda usta say.

Bud Missy was trundlin aroun da Habbytat as onwy she kin trundle, an she found dis barrel-shaped fing dat rattles. It was wedged unn'neaf obba pooty-box where we haddn' seed it alla day. So she piked it up in hur teefs an gabe it a shake ob hur hed.

It flied ober hur shoulder an wanded nextest to me wiffa *bang*. Well, I jumped up'inna air cos id surprized me.

Whin I camd down, I wooked attit. Den I wooked at hur.

"Well, go on." She sed.

An I wooked attit sum more, den I piked it up an gabe it a shake.

It was preddy hebby, so it flew outt my mouf an wanded *bang* beside Missy.

An she sed, "Not bad." An piked it uppa'gin. She gibbed it anudder shake an it floo outta her teef an bonked me onna hed.

Well, dis was becomin anna'noyance, wemme tell you. So I waid my eers down flat an piked da fing up an hurled wun back att'er - bud while I wasn't wookin, she'd gone an found anudder toy, a widdle smaller wun, budda same kinda fing, dat was hidin unnerneaf da wadder crock - an didn't she jus pik dat wun up while I was pikin up dis wun an gib it a shake an send it flyin at me!

Well, you know, dees fings eskee-wate - an Maman has gibbin ebberybun summa dees "toys".

So while Missy an I are hextchanginn Flyin Barrells, nextest fing I kin heer issa sound ob BellBalls frumma habbytat nextest to us, which bewongs to Clober an Beebe.

An I heer Beebe shout, "YO!" anna sound obba BellBall hittin da lattice-werk wall. An den I heer, "INCOMING!" anna sound obba'nudder BellBall hittin da lattice-werk. An dere's da sound ob Clober scramblin to hur feets. Den dere's da sound ob Beeb slammin innu da corner.

Den I heer Poet or Hunny (can't tell which wun) fallin ober dere TinCup.

An den I heer Hunny say, "Bugger." Anna wotta shufflin aboud goin on in dere habbytat.

Den Missy bonks me onna hed wiffa'nudder barrel, so I pik uppa nearest wun an frow it back att'er.

Den DaddyBrian suddinwy shows up atta Bun Room door.

An he calls Maman, ob course, an dey come in an DaddyBrian says,

"Whuttaheck are you all on aboud?"

An Maman (who, as ushual, hasn' godda cloo) says, "Aww, wook, Brian, Missy's teachin George howta pway wif toys!"

Den she says, "I'll bet dey want more!"

So. (As Belinda usta type.)

Dis mawnin, Maman comes innu da Bun Room wiffa whole arms full ob short cawdboard toobs.

Which she dumps innu our habbytat. An innu Clober an Beebe's habbytat, an innu Poet an Hunny's habbytat. Den she inbaded Mouse's pwace an gibbed him a noo pellet dish, a tweat bowl, an sum obba toobs.

So now, aldoh da HURRY-CANE didn't affekt us, we are up to our keesters in toobs. Poor Mouse kin hardwy turn aroun to finda pwace to sleep for alla toobs an toys he's god ta pway wif. He says if he's bored now, it's all my fault, which I don unnerstan, bud I'll tell you dis, I'm nod wikin it.

Hunny says he has his werk cut oud for him, bud dat he's gonna hab sum hay anna nap an den he'll ged aroun to chewin onna toobs. Clober says she's leebin da toobs to Beeb, an Beeb is jus wadin fru goin, "YO!" ebbery now an den to wet me know he's still ober dere.

An Maman's gone back downnastairs, finkin she's done a wotta good for Bundom in gen'ral an for us in par-tik-u-lar. Bud dat's Maman - as ushual, she hassn godda cloo.

Posted by Our Warren at 10:41 AM EDT
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Saturday, 14 August 2004
Hurry-Canes - by George
Mood:  not sure

Well, seems wike sumfing's goin on. I will show you inna Wist, wike Belinda taught me to make. (She an Hunny BOF sed dis Makin-a-Wist stuff will help to organy-ize my finkin. So I am doin it cos sumday, I am gonna be a 'Tellygint Rabbit!)

So. (As Belinda usta say)

George's Wist ob Whut Is Goin On:

1. Maman's rilly sik wif da stuff dat Phil-da-OOH-RAH-Lad bwinged home frumma Naby. Id is calwed "Bron-ky(achoo)-tis". She is takin meddysin an smells funny. DaddyBrian hadda same fing, bud his stuff wint away, mostwy. Maman's didn't. DaddyBrian anna Hoomin V-E-T "speeked" to Maman aboud her nod geddin rid ob dis fing an Maman pwomised she wuld stay in bed more. Wike dat will happin! Keepin Maman in bed is wike tryin to keep bunnies inna baskit, Hunny says. Id don werk.

So. (As Belinda usta say)

2. Now Maman is siddin wrapped inna blankey wookin atta puter. She is tawkin aboudda "HURRY-CANE" wiffa name ob "Charley".

3. Phil-da-Lad is up early an tawkin aboud "Pencil-colon" and "Nor-Folx" anna "HURRY-CANES". An Phil sed, "Sucks to be dem." Ob course, dat was as he was onna screen-porch turnin da piknik tabul onto it's top. He is now moobin da rubbish bins around toda back obba houz, unner da stairs. He is also pikin up tree twigs. Shawn has just arribed to help. Dey are habbin a coffee-brek. Phil is sayin "OOH-RAH" a wot, which is anudder fing he learned inna Naby.

4. Hunny sed his arthyritis is makin him stiff. Da air, whin I sniff it, smells heavy, wike I am tryin to breathe wadder thru my crock.

5. Sherwin, Jeff, Shawn an Phil hab bwought inna bale ob hay, a bag ob Green Bag pellets an gallons ob wadder an set dem all inna Bun Room.

So I fink dere is sumfing goin on. I wint to axt Missy, bud she don know. She sed she has nebber seed a HURRY-CANE. Mouse an Hunny an Beebe hab heared obb'em (Poet don know if she has or nod, bud dat bunny is woosing her mind, I fink. She twied to ged bossy wif Hunny wast nite, an he chased her aroun an sitted on her butt, an she didn wike dat, bud as he sed, "I amma Top Bun, now, an id don madder how owd I am, ebberybun is gonna wisten to me, incloodin yoo, you contrary, bossy owd missus!").

Ennyway... or I mean,

So. (As Belinda usta say)

Nobunny quite unnerstans aboud HURRY-CANES 'cept Hunny an he can't quite bemember whut he knows aboudd'em onna'count ob bein preddy young an un'Tellygint (wike me) when da wast wun commed fru here. He sed he finks da wun he recalls wuz called "Floyd" or sumfing, an dat dere wassa wotta rain happinin, wif wadder inna streets an all, an dat it god dark berry early onna'count ob dere bein no 'lektris-city. He sed we mite be inna dark an I shuldn't be skeert, cos he libbed fru it an so wuld I.

I axt him if dere was gonna be lightnin, cos I hate lightnin onna'count ob it bein so suddin, an Hunny sed, "Mebbe."

So I am nod too happy wif alla dis. Da hoomins heer are all charged up, an Maman is tellin Phil he hasta go stay wif Sistah Beffy cos Maman sed, "She won't be able to cope on her own if dis geds to be a worst-case seen-ary-o." An DaddyBrian has nebber seed a 'Murrican HURRY-CANE bifore, so he hassn godda cloo.

An Phil's jus goin aroun whistlin a song an talkin allaboud whin he was in "Pencil-colon" anna "base" dere sumwheres. Dunno whut he's so happy aboud.

He jus now sticked his hed inna Bun Room door.

An he sed,

"OOH-RAH, Bunnies! OOH-RAH!"

Now whuttdaheck is dat aboud?

Posted by Our Warren at 11:45 AM EDT
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Friday, 13 August 2004
Uh Oh - by George
Mood:  accident prone

(creaking sounds)

Missy: Clover? Dat you, gurl? (clambers one fut atta time innu da pootie box) Hey Clover! Dat yoo?

(wall of habitat shakes)

Missy: Uh oh. (periscopes) Clover? Dat bedder be yoo.

(scratching noises)

Missy: Dis iss'nod gud. ( goes innu loaf position inna pootie box)

George: (Bright Look)Whut'sup Sweet'ums?

Missy: Der issa omninyous scratchin' noise comin frumma shakin wall obba habbytat.

George: (Strikin' a pose) Bwing id on! I'll defend yoo, my Sweet'ums!

Voice Frumma Udder Side Obba Wall: YO! Berry Boy! I'll bite'cher butt. Get'cher paws off my wommin!

George: Umm...

Missy: 'Zact'ly. An Clover issa'sleep.

George: Umm...

Missy: An you're gonna ged your butt bit.

George: (Strikin a smaller figger) Mawmie?

Missy: Maman is downnastairs.

(Habitat wall shakes until opening appears by door-frame. Very small, indignant white nose is thrust through.)

Missy: Dis is nod wookin gud. (calling a little louder) Clover? Kin you heer me, Clover? Your man dere seems to hab designs on comin heer.

George: ( craning to see over Missy) At weast he can't fit fru dat widdle opinin. Ebben if he is onwy four pounds, four pounds ob bunny will nod go fru a half inch ob space.

Missy: He's jus geddin' stawted.

George: (Sitting down in a picturesque kinda way) Oh. So, umm, wike, he's dun dis bifore? (scratches ear wif hind fut)

Missy: ( settling her nether regions against the crack in the door-frame) Quite a bit, ackchually. Gotten preddy gud at'tit.

George: Oh... (examins fut carefully)

Voice Frumma Udder Side Obba Wall: Jus slide rite on in heer wike dis (grunt) wiggle a widdle (gasp) gib'er a shub heer (grunt) anna shub on dis side (grunt) Twist a widdle (grunt) Dang! Dat hurted! (gasp) Persistance pays off, I allus say...

George: (abandoning fut-examination for the moment) Missy, I bin meanin to axt you...

Missy: Yes?

George: Well, as I amma smaller, younger, and (louder)as Belinda sed NOT-INTELLYGINT, MUCH YOUNGER bunny...

Voice Frumma Udder Side Obba Wall: (GRUNT)

George: Do I ged enny ad-bantanges in dis sitcheyashun?

Voice Frumma Udder Side Obba Wall: (GRUNT)

Missy: (listens attentively, then looks at George) Nope.

Mouse: Hold yer ground, Kiddo! Remember she's your womin!

George: Whut?

Hunny: Keep your tail inna corner, Berry Boy! Beebe, you do dis fair, you heer me? I don wanna habba be comin outta heer t'nite an habbin to...

Poet: Ohmigosh, ohmigosh, ohmigosh, OHMIGOSH! CLOVER! WAKE UP! IT'S YOUR MAN!

Nudder Voice Frumma Udder Side Obba Wall: ( Snuffle... slubble... sonk... snort...) Beebe? Beebe! Beebe-Bunny, you ged bak heer you stoopit, mono-tracked-brain, Marywand rednek wabbit!

(Furry streak flies through breech in the wall, straight at George. There is a *THUMP*; hay flies, fur fills the air; Clover peers through the crack in the door-post, Missy shifts some in the pootie box to improve her view.)

George: MaaawwwWWWWAAAAaaammmmeeeeeee!

(There is the sound of feets on the stairs)

Hunny: Oh bugger.

Mouse: Kid was doing preddy gud, too.

Clover: (still peering through the crack in the door post) Guess you godda do sumfing, Miss. I mean, can't hab dem seen fightin'.

Missy: Nod wike id's ebben a fite. Just a wotta cirklin' cos George had no cloo, bud you're rite, Maman will come outta hur fur. ( Heaves self off litter box. Interposes self between halves of furry ball on habitat floor.) Bweak id up, you two. Heer comes Maman an DaddyBrian.

(Hoomins burst into the room to find three bunnies lying all inna row...)

DaddyBrian: Good God. Char, look at this.

Maman: What's going on here? Beebe! George! Is anybunny hurt?

DaddyBrian: Dosen't appear so.

Maman: George, what a silly thing to do!

DaddyBrian: Come here Beebe, you little sod. There, go back to your own wife. Now let me fix this door...

Maman: You know, Brian, they were sitting there so nicely with Missy in the middle. Three pretty black and white bunnies and Clover there at the door wanting to join in. They were being so good! Maybe they want to make a fouresome...

Voice Frumma Udder Side Obba Wall: Waid till nexest time, you widdle...

George: ( Strikin' a Low Profile ) Mawmie?

Posted by Our Warren at 3:55 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 13 August 2004 4:13 PM EDT
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Friday, 6 August 2004
Free Range George - Pawt Wun - By George!
Mood:  don't ask
Whoa!

Maman an Dadda just commed home wiffa Lad!

Well axtchually, dey gotted home wast nite, berry wate at nite, budda gud noos issatta Lad is all outta Naby.

Yup. No more yooneeforms, no more obba big jetplanes, no more obba Bloo Angels or dat stuff. He issa Vet-ran. Whutebber dat is.

To be honest wif you, whin Maman an Dadda weft, I didn know whut was goin on. Da houz god rilly, rilly quiet. Dere was no noise attall, just us uppinna Bun Room bein quiet-wike.

An den, I heereda lock downnastairs, an I finked it wuz Maman, bud it wassn'. It wuz Jeff and Sherwin! So I wuz happy to see dem, cos dey gib us tweats!

So dey comes innu da Bun Room an gibs us wadder, an turns onna air condishywasher an gibs us food, an talks to us an gibs us hay.

An Hunny sed, "Watch dis. Dey won't gib me meddysin."

An he wuz rite. Dey didn.

So dey hanged aroun, and den dey wuz gone. Den Jeff comed back an turned offa air condishywasher an id god rilly quiet inna houz agin.

An I wuz sittin dere in my habbytat by myself.

You see, I hadda hole, bud Maman an Dadda sed dat I can't lib wif Missy alla time while dey wuz gone to NOR-FOLKS to gedda Lad, cos Maman wassa 'fraid dat sumfing MITE HAPPIN while she wuz gone.

Maman is allus fraid ob MITE HAPPIN, Bewinda sed. Id's wun offa fings dat skeers her, so Maman's allus takin steps to make shure dat MITE HAPPIN, don't. So dis time, wun obba fings Maman did to make shure dat MITE HAPPIN didn't happin was to pudda piece ob lattice where I had made da hole so I culd ged innu Missy's habbytat so I culdn't ged innu dere.

So I was stuck in my habbytat by myself.

An I was wonewy.

An id takes a wong time to make a hole.

So I called ober to Missy an I sed, "You wanna make anudder hole?"

An she sed, "No."

An I sed, "Howcome?"

"An she sed, "Cos you pootied on my hay."

An I told her dat's whut you're sposed to do, dat after you eet alla hay you want, you pootie onna rest ob it, bud she sed, no, you're sposed to eet alla it an pootie inna pootie-box.

An I sed, well, if you pootie inna pootie box, den you hab no pwace to sleep.

An besides, if you onwy pootie inna pootie-box, den nobunny knows dat you is okkypyin where you are - dey will fink you are onwy okkypyin' da pooty-box if you keep alla pooties inna pooty-box.

An Missy sed dat I amma stoopit BOY . An she *fumped*.

Yeah, well, I know I amma boy. Whut's hur point? An fuddermore, whut's bein a boy godda do wif where you pudda pooties? So I *fumped* back add'er.

So da nextest nite, Jeff an Sherwin comed agin. Anna same stuff happined. An I axted Missy agin if she wanned to make a hole an she sed, "No."

So I sed I didn care, bud rilly, I did. I culd heer dat dere was funder off'inna distance an I don wike funder much. Id shakes da houz an dere is nowhere to hide.

Well, da funder marched ober da sky an id wuz marchin cwoser. An Mouse wuz geddin nerbus. An dere was wisghtnin fwashin inna windoz ebben doh alla bwinds were down.

Now, normally, Maman comes an turns on our wight so dat da wightnin issn so bwight, or Dadda comes an tawks to us or most oftin, dey bof comes innu da Bun Room an we're no By Our Selbes, bud dis time, da houz was tot'wy quiet an we wuz on Our Own.

An unwike da wast Big Funderstorm, dere wuz no Bewinda inna Bun Room.

Anna funder is marchin aroun da sky ober'hed by now.

An I'm in my habbytat geddin bounced aroun byda funder. Id goes *BANG* an I go uppinna air. Den it goes an I go upinna air agin.

An each time I go upinna air, I'm hollerin "Maman!" an my feets is goin, bud Maman's nod comin!

Den dere is ebben more wightning, comin in sheets fru da bwinds an alla'round da winders!

An Mouse hollars oud, "Sid tite!"

An dere issa'nudder fwash ob wightnin an Clober yells oud, "Hang on!"

An Beebe yells, "YO!"

Just assa funder crashes down on us.

An I'm twyin to hang on, onwy dere's nuffin to hang on to an I go bouncin uppina air, an dere's anudder fwash ob wightnin, anna'nudder crash.

So id's wike, bounce-scrabble-bounce anna nextest fing I know, I'm oud inna middle obba Bun Room!

So I don know whut to do.

So I runned ober to where Hunny wuz an squeezed byda hay-bin, bud dere was wightnin back dere. So I dashed off an runned toward Mouse. Jus as I god near him, dere wassa'nudder crash ob funder an I bounced uppina air an wanded nextest to him onna Cedar Chest.

Dat seemed to uppysed a two obba shubbel pans Maman had up dere cos dey wint onna floor wiffa crash, an dere wuz more wighnin.

I'd aboud haddit by dat point, so I pootied - jus wet go rite dere in frunt ob Mouse's pwace, all ober da pwace.

An Mouse yells, "HEY!"

So I god down offa dere rite quick an Missy yells,

"In heer!"

So I taked anudder bounce an wanded in hur habbytat.

An preddy soon, da storm wint aways.

An den Jeff an Sherwin comed back.

An Jeff sed, "Whudda'ell happined in heer? Dis pwace is wrecked!"

An Sherwin sed, "Wook ober heer! Da widdle guy is in wiffa big gurl. Hey, way to go, widdle dude! Wookit ma man dere!"

An I'm finkin, "Maman? Where?"

An den Jeff piked me up.

An he sed, "Wookit, I don fink you're sposed to be in dere, George. You're sposed to be in heer."

An he pud me down in my habbytat!

I'll tell you da west obba stowy tomorry... cos dere is more toit den jus dis...

Yeah, fings ged worser...

Posted by Our Warren at 12:10 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 6 August 2004 12:15 PM EDT

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