The Hay Diaries
14 Dec, 15 > 20 Dec, 15
7 Dec, 15 > 13 Dec, 15
17 Sep, 12 > 23 Sep, 12
10 Sep, 12 > 16 Sep, 12
14 Jun, 10 > 20 Jun, 10
31 May, 10 > 6 Jun, 10
15 Mar, 10 > 21 Mar, 10
1 Feb, 10 > 7 Feb, 10
25 Jan, 10 > 31 Jan, 10
18 Jan, 10 > 24 Jan, 10
11 Jan, 10 > 17 Jan, 10
25 May, 09 > 31 May, 09
4 May, 09 > 10 May, 09
20 Apr, 09 > 26 Apr, 09
13 Apr, 09 > 19 Apr, 09
6 Apr, 09 > 12 Apr, 09
30 Mar, 09 > 5 Apr, 09
23 Mar, 09 > 29 Mar, 09
16 Mar, 09 > 22 Mar, 09
9 Mar, 09 > 15 Mar, 09
2 Mar, 09 > 8 Mar, 09
5 Jan, 09 > 11 Jan, 09
29 Dec, 08 > 4 Jan, 09
1 Dec, 08 > 7 Dec, 08
7 Jul, 08 > 13 Jul, 08
23 Jun, 08 > 29 Jun, 08
9 Jun, 08 > 15 Jun, 08
26 May, 08 > 1 Jun, 08
12 May, 08 > 18 May, 08
5 May, 08 > 11 May, 08
24 Mar, 08 > 30 Mar, 08
17 Mar, 08 > 23 Mar, 08
10 Mar, 08 > 16 Mar, 08
3 Mar, 08 > 9 Mar, 08
25 Feb, 08 > 2 Mar, 08
18 Feb, 08 > 24 Feb, 08
11 Feb, 08 > 17 Feb, 08
4 Feb, 08 > 10 Feb, 08
28 Jan, 08 > 3 Feb, 08
21 Jan, 08 > 27 Jan, 08
14 Jan, 08 > 20 Jan, 08
17 Dec, 07 > 23 Dec, 07
10 Dec, 07 > 16 Dec, 07
19 Nov, 07 > 25 Nov, 07
12 Nov, 07 > 18 Nov, 07
5 Nov, 07 > 11 Nov, 07
22 Oct, 07 > 28 Oct, 07
1 Oct, 07 > 7 Oct, 07
27 Aug, 07 > 2 Sep, 07
20 Aug, 07 > 26 Aug, 07
13 Aug, 07 > 19 Aug, 07
6 Aug, 07 > 12 Aug, 07
30 Jul, 07 > 5 Aug, 07
23 Jul, 07 > 29 Jul, 07
9 Jul, 07 > 15 Jul, 07
18 Jun, 07 > 24 Jun, 07
11 Jun, 07 > 17 Jun, 07
28 May, 07 > 3 Jun, 07
21 May, 07 > 27 May, 07
14 May, 07 > 20 May, 07
7 May, 07 > 13 May, 07
30 Apr, 07 > 6 May, 07
16 Apr, 07 > 22 Apr, 07
2 Apr, 07 > 8 Apr, 07
26 Mar, 07 > 1 Apr, 07
19 Mar, 07 > 25 Mar, 07
12 Mar, 07 > 18 Mar, 07
5 Mar, 07 > 11 Mar, 07
26 Feb, 07 > 4 Mar, 07
19 Feb, 07 > 25 Feb, 07
12 Feb, 07 > 18 Feb, 07
15 Jan, 07 > 21 Jan, 07
1 Jan, 07 > 7 Jan, 07
25 Dec, 06 > 31 Dec, 06
18 Dec, 06 > 24 Dec, 06
11 Dec, 06 > 17 Dec, 06
4 Dec, 06 > 10 Dec, 06
20 Nov, 06 > 26 Nov, 06
30 Oct, 06 > 5 Nov, 06
25 Sep, 06 > 1 Oct, 06
18 Sep, 06 > 24 Sep, 06
4 Sep, 06 > 10 Sep, 06
28 Aug, 06 > 3 Sep, 06
21 Aug, 06 > 27 Aug, 06
14 Aug, 06 > 20 Aug, 06
7 Aug, 06 > 13 Aug, 06
31 Jul, 06 > 6 Aug, 06
17 Jul, 06 > 23 Jul, 06
10 Jul, 06 > 16 Jul, 06
3 Jul, 06 > 9 Jul, 06
26 Jun, 06 > 2 Jul, 06
19 Jun, 06 > 25 Jun, 06
12 Jun, 06 > 18 Jun, 06
5 Jun, 06 > 11 Jun, 06
29 May, 06 > 4 Jun, 06
22 May, 06 > 28 May, 06
15 May, 06 > 21 May, 06
8 May, 06 > 14 May, 06
1 May, 06 > 7 May, 06
24 Apr, 06 > 30 Apr, 06
17 Apr, 06 > 23 Apr, 06
10 Apr, 06 > 16 Apr, 06
6 Mar, 06 > 12 Mar, 06
27 Feb, 06 > 5 Mar, 06
13 Feb, 06 > 19 Feb, 06
6 Feb, 06 > 12 Feb, 06
23 Jan, 06 > 29 Jan, 06
9 Jan, 06 > 15 Jan, 06
2 Jan, 06 > 8 Jan, 06
26 Dec, 05 > 1 Jan, 06
12 Dec, 05 > 18 Dec, 05
5 Dec, 05 > 11 Dec, 05
28 Nov, 05 > 4 Dec, 05
14 Nov, 05 > 20 Nov, 05
7 Nov, 05 > 13 Nov, 05
31 Oct, 05 > 6 Nov, 05
24 Oct, 05 > 30 Oct, 05
17 Oct, 05 > 23 Oct, 05
10 Oct, 05 > 16 Oct, 05
3 Oct, 05 > 9 Oct, 05
27 Jun, 05 > 3 Jul, 05
20 Jun, 05 > 26 Jun, 05
13 Jun, 05 > 19 Jun, 05
6 Jun, 05 > 12 Jun, 05
23 May, 05 > 29 May, 05
16 May, 05 > 22 May, 05
11 Apr, 05 > 17 Apr, 05
4 Apr, 05 > 10 Apr, 05
28 Mar, 05 > 3 Apr, 05
21 Mar, 05 > 27 Mar, 05
14 Mar, 05 > 20 Mar, 05
21 Feb, 05 > 27 Feb, 05
14 Feb, 05 > 20 Feb, 05
7 Feb, 05 > 13 Feb, 05
31 Jan, 05 > 6 Feb, 05
24 Jan, 05 > 30 Jan, 05
17 Jan, 05 > 23 Jan, 05
10 Jan, 05 > 16 Jan, 05
6 Dec, 04 > 12 Dec, 04
29 Nov, 04 > 5 Dec, 04
22 Nov, 04 > 28 Nov, 04
15 Nov, 04 > 21 Nov, 04
11 Oct, 04 > 17 Oct, 04
20 Sep, 04 > 26 Sep, 04
13 Sep, 04 > 19 Sep, 04
30 Aug, 04 > 5 Sep, 04
23 Aug, 04 > 29 Aug, 04
16 Aug, 04 > 22 Aug, 04
9 Aug, 04 > 15 Aug, 04
2 Aug, 04 > 8 Aug, 04
26 Jul, 04 > 1 Aug, 04
19 Jul, 04 > 25 Jul, 04
5 Jul, 04 > 11 Jul, 04
28 Jun, 04 > 4 Jul, 04
21 Jun, 04 > 27 Jun, 04
14 Jun, 04 > 20 Jun, 04
7 Jun, 04 > 13 Jun, 04
31 May, 04 > 6 Jun, 04
24 May, 04 > 30 May, 04
17 May, 04 > 23 May, 04
10 May, 04 > 16 May, 04
3 May, 04 > 9 May, 04
26 Apr, 04 > 2 May, 04
19 Apr, 04 > 25 Apr, 04
12 Apr, 04 > 18 Apr, 04
29 Mar, 04 > 4 Apr, 04
22 Mar, 04 > 28 Mar, 04
15 Mar, 04 > 21 Mar, 04
8 Mar, 04 > 14 Mar, 04
1 Mar, 04 > 7 Mar, 04
23 Feb, 04 > 29 Feb, 04
16 Feb, 04 > 22 Feb, 04
9 Feb, 04 > 15 Feb, 04
2 Feb, 04 > 8 Feb, 04
26 Jan, 04 > 1 Feb, 04
19 Jan, 04 > 25 Jan, 04
12 Jan, 04 > 18 Jan, 04
5 Jan, 04 > 11 Jan, 04
29 Dec, 03 > 4 Jan, 04
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Thursday, 3 June 2004
Day Too / Sixth Strand
Hullo. Me, Hunny heer. I am takin ober Belinda's Blog just for tiday so she kin habba rest. She has bin sik an needs ta rest a widdle.

Whut happined wuzza salad. Maman boughtted salad frumma good compiny an fed it to ebberybun frumma bag. She didn't fink she needed to washe it furst cos it said onna bag dat it had all reddy bin washed an wuz reddy for da table. Well, it wassn't. It had sumfing innit. Sumfing bad.

Whutebber it wuz, it made Luckie so sik dat da Black Rabbit comed almost right away. Den he stayed, hovverin ober Belinda's habbytat. Bud Maman made him leeb. Maman is still afraid dat he is lurkin, so she's still gibbin Belinda meddysin an wookin at Belinda's pooties, but Belinda seems to be hokay. She's a fighter, dat gurl.

Den Maman, an Sistah an Dadda all comed inna Bun Room armed wif mops an brooms an duspans an bukits an dere wassa gen'ral cleen. Poet tried to hang on to her pootie box, but Sistah pushed her oud obbit wif Mr Broom and taked it to Maman inna bafroom. It god vinnygur an wader pud innit an washed reel good and wooks wike noo, now. Alla floors god washed wif vinnygur, too, an so did alla sides anna big floor an dis pwace smelled wike a pickle facktory.

Dadda opined alla winders to wet da airs bwow fru.

An den Dadda pud da Babby in next door to Clover and Beebe - bud dat didn't werk. Da Babbby stawted a pootie war rite away an Maman sed, "We'll nod be habbin dis." So oud comed da Babby an in went Missy.

So while Missy was all confoozled, dere was suddenly a wotta thumpin goin on an Maman an Dadda raced uppystairs and dere wuz Beebe - he'd forced his way into Missy's Habbytat an brought Clover wif him, so dat dere were FREE bunnies inna space ment for wun!

So Dadda hadda sort dat out.

An Maman told Beebe dat she can't be habbin wif dat.

So den waiter, Maman comed up wif appuls an my stoopit meddycin an I hadda meddycin anna appul an sum hay an sum pellets while I was sittin in my diggy box, cos Poet won't ged outta da pootie box. An Maman washed out tin cup but Poet don't want dat eidder. She just wants to sit inna pootied box in case sumbun tries to take it away again.

I just wet her ged on wiffit. Sooner or waiter, she'll ged hungree an hafta come oud.

No bun can stay cooped up forebber. It's wun fing to be afraid, an it's good to be cautious, but you can't stay so fraid dat you won't come outta da pootied box. Cos da food won't come to you. You gotta go to da food. An da wadder won't come to you. You godda go to da wader. An you mite as well be nice aboud it onna way.

Cos if you is nice to sumbun, who knows? Dey might be nice back. It werks dat way. Smiles an ear fwaps an nosebonks are contagious.

Posted by Our Warren at 7:53 AM EDT
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Tuesday, 1 June 2004
Day One / Sixth Strand
Maman says dat sumtimes when fings jus "Ged to be too much" id it good for her to tell us a stowy. An wif Luckie goin wiffa Black Rabbit so sudden, an me bein sik, anna Mom-mom being berry sik, anna Lad habbin to hab his knee fixted, an hoomins bein just pwain stoopid at Dadda's werk, anna Bun Room geddin swichted aroun, Maman figgers dat we all needa stowy. (She's feelin preddy helpwess just now.)

So she came in dis mawnin, an opined Babby's gate, an Hunny's gate, an Missy an Beebe an Clover's gates an sat wif her back to my gate so I culd snuffle her an so she was sorta facin Mouse an she tawked to alla us togedder. About Inkwand where she used to lib ab where Dadda libbed.

"There issa pwace," She sed, "Where there are mornings like this, where it rains just at night. And then the sun wakes up, lifts its eyelids and then the mists begin to roll away from the hills. And you wake up in your warm bed, and stretch, and know it's time to get up. So you bumble into the kitchen and make the coffee while you're still half asleep, and it's a little chilly, but not unkindly so, and while the coffee is dripping through, you go around and open all the windows, to let the night air out and invite the day-light in. And every window is like a surprise! You pull back the curtains, and there are bright colours, all fresh and washed by the rain.

"Open the front window and there's the street with its dark grey cobbles, and the house across the way with warm yellow stone, just steaming and soaking up the sun. And you can wave to Hilary who is pulling back her curtains, too. And you laugh because you're both wearing bathrobes.

"Then the next window is inna lounge and you pull that curtain back and there's the wide view to the end of the lane - all green with humps and vales where the beck dips down, and every inch is dotted with sheep. And when you open that window, you can hear da widdle babby voices of the little lambs coming in on the cold air, callin for their mawmies.

"And you lift your eyes over those hillocks and it looks like you can see forever over those hills, all way to where the trees appear like misty grey paint brushes scratching fint tinges of colour against the translucent sky.

"Then the next window is deep, narrow one by the fireplace that looks towards the sun just rising over Waddow's Mound. Waddow's Mound is actually an Eighth Century tomb, but it looks like a big pile of grass-covered dirt with flowers growing on it. And there are bunnies living there! Wots ob bunnies! The whole face of Waddow's Hill is just covered with holes and outside of each hole, there's at least one rabbit sitting in the sun, or hopping aournd, looking for the tastiest flower to eat. And I can open the window and call to them, and they don't care! And every day, I toss out some of Poppy's feed for them, and some carrot cuttings from the pub, and some hay, because although they're all fat and happy and undistrubed, it's always nice to have a little more.

And the bunnies watch Maman. And strong wind blows down from Waddow's Hill an on days when Farmer Dayson spreads pooties, it stinks, Maman says, but in a good country way. An Maman always leebs dat winder opin, she says.

An if da wind off Waddow's Hill is rilly cowd, she pokes atta fire wiffa pokey fing an puts black rocks onnit.

An den dere issa nudder small winder ober where her 'cellow is and she opins dat. Dere are roses unner it an sumtimes bees. An Maman allus tells da bees dat dey can stay inna roses bud nod come inside. An dat corner is sheltered by da corner obba garage so dat da wind don bwow dere.

Den she goes an opins da bafroom winder to wet da wind oud. An outside ob dat winder issa garden gate, all bwown and made ob wood, anna garden wall dat is berry high an made of yellow stone. Oud dere issa forecourt where Jack keeps da wheelbarrow anna cuttings anna liddle glass house what has gwape leebs innit, anna organe butt to catch rain wadder to pud onna geraniums dat is in stone pots out frunt.

Den she opens da winders in her office dat oberwook da garden inna back. Sumtimes she stands an wooks atta "chain tree". It's all gold wif chains ob fwowers. To da left ob it is Waddow's Hill an more sheeps. To da right dere are pine trees anna pwace where Shelia, her wandwandy says are da fairies atta end obba garden.

Den Maman geds da coffee and puts it onna tray obbered inna clof. She geds a sugar basin anna milk jug, an she wets oud her bunny, Poppy in her harness, an dey go to see Mrs. Shelia. An den Hilary comes ober an dey hab coffee inna garden, siddin on hard wooden benches inna back garden, An Poppy eats da clober. An Hilary bwings toast.

An whenna church bells rings "half-sebben" Shelia says it's time to ged up an ged moobin. Cos it's a scandle dat dey are wearin dere baf-robes.

Anna sun is high inna sky an dere is no mist, an you kin heer da rumbled obba big tractors going oud toda fields.

An ennyway, Jack an Theresa will be alwong soon to stawt doin fings. An Jack hassa widdle dog named "Jack"...

But dat's anudder stowy, Maman sed. So I will hab to wait to dear id.

Posted by Our Warren at 8:37 AM EDT
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Wednesday, 26 May 2004
Day Twenty-four / 4th Strand
I dunno whut to say. Da Black Rabbit came yestidday an took Luckie-Bun away.

Dadda typed dis, so I will add it heer:

Black Rabbit, Oh Black Rabbit
Our warren saw you today
Black Rabbit, Oh Black Rabbit
You took Lucky Bun away.
Black Rabbit, Oh Black Rabbit
Why did you pass this way?
Black Rabbit, Oh Black Rabbit
I wish you'd stay away.

Luckie, we shall miss you,
Though you were not here for long
You were such a happy Bun,
To loose you is so wrong.
Affectionate and loveable
So sweet and full of charm,
You left us for the Rainbow Bridge
The Land of Peace and Calm.
Poor Mouse is sad and lonely
He misses you, his friend
But he wishes for your happiness
In the Life that never ends.

Luckie-Bun, can you heer me? Tell Hawthorn dat I still bemember him, an dat he wassa bestest husbun ebber hokay? An say 'Hi' to Smokey, an my bestest friend, Willow, an SnoBall ExFoster, an Heatherington Rabbit, an Hunny says "Hullo, I lub you" to Maggie, an we're all berry sorry dat you had to leeb us. An I'll wook afta Mouse for you, so don werry... an, an...

I'm sorry I called you a 'Stoopd Liddle Dweamer', Luckie, cos mebbe da werld needs more dweamers, just to bemind us dat sumtimes dweams - ob safe pwaces, an wots ob hay, an tweats, an nice peebles, an toys an all - rilly can come troo. You weren't stoopid at all, cos you beleebed inna dweam, an you libbed it, furst wif your Liberian Dadda, and when he culdn't keep you, den heer. So you wassn stoopid at all.

I'm gonna miss you, Luckie.

Posted by Our Warren at 8:26 AM EDT
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Monday, 24 May 2004
Day Twenty-Free / 4th Strand
Dis shuld be da Fif Strand to corryspond toda Fif monf which is May. At weast, dat wuzza'riginal idea - dat each Strand would be da same assa monf. Well, dat didn quite werk oud, you'll notice, which is preddy much normal heer at Our Warren.

Oh well.

Ennyway tidday issa 24th day ob May. Nod dat id madders. Cos whut madders is Heer We Go Agin: Dadda has comed up wiffa "noo way" ob geddin hay for us. I herd him tawkin aboud it to Maman.

Now Maman don'wike buyin our hay. She don wike "commercial" hay cos id iss 'spensib an id is not gwown wocally. She says dat if we don buy stuff frumma wocal farmers, soon dere won't be enny wocal farmers. Budda fing is, dere aren't dat menny wocal farmers an dere hay is mostwy gwown for horses an issn all dat gwate for bunnies. Da noo bale dat Maman an Dadda god yestidday, Dadda says mite as well be stwaw, dat's how bad id is.

Bud Maman boughted hay frumm pet store an she didn wike dat eidder. She sed it was too soft, an it costed as much assa bale fora weaf, an besides dat, id was gwowed sumpwace far away an ober-raked ennyways - so sod dat fora game ob soldiers.

So she won't be buyin dat agin.

Inna meantime, we're siddin heer axtin for da good stuff.

So yestidday, Dadda says to Maman dat, "We kin gwow our own hay."

An as soon as I heared dat, I said to Hunny, "Uh oh."

An Clover, who issa optymist, sed, "Nono, wet's heer dis oud."

An Luckie, who issa Stoopid Liddle Dreamer sed, "Maybe dere habbin a GOOD idea."

An Maman sed, "Howzat?" cos she is dumber den Luckie.

An Dadda sed, "Well, we kin wet pard obba garden be turned ober to good gwass. I kin use pooties for fert'lizer."

An rite dere I stawted shakin my hed: Dadda is allus wookin fora way to ged rid obba pooties. He makes piles obb'em inna garden an den waits to discobber pwaces to pudd'em. So far, he's found da pwace where sum neighbourhood guys cutted fru da hedge at nite. So he digged a hole an filled id up wif pooties anna contents obba catz-box. Den he added wadder. Den he weft it. So at nite, whenna guys twied to come fru da hedge, dey stepped inna hole, up to dere knees inna slurry ob cat-poo an yucky pooties. Id stopped dem frum comin fru da garden, doh. I culd heer dem sayin rilly bad werds aboud Dadda frum my winder.

Ennyways...

Dadda sed, "Den, whenna gwass gwows we cut id."

An Maman sed, "Bud inna Township, dere issa waw aboud aggyculchur. We can't wet it gwow too high. Ennyfing ober knee high an you'll be in twubble."

An Dadda sed, "Knee high will be enuf."

An Maman sed, "How you gonna cut it? We don godda baler."

An Dadda sed, "Scythe id. Don' need a baler."

An Maman, who usta lib inna Norf ob Inkwand sed, "Whut'cha gonna do den, stook id?"

An Dadda sed, "Yes."

Den Hunny calls ober to me, "Whut'ssa 'stook'?" An I sed dat I didn know bud id didn sound good.

You see, Maman an Dadda is 'ammychur historians' which means dey know a wot aboud whut peebles did a hunnert or so yeers ago. Now da reason dat peebles did fings da way dey did a hunnert or so yeers ago is cos dey didn't know enny bedder. Now dat dey know bedder, dey don't do fings dat way enny more.

Sum how, dis wast pawt obba wesson is wost on Maman an Dadda. Dey nod onwy know how fings was done a hunnert or more yeers ago, bud dey keep wantin to do fings dat way, ebben doh dey pwobabwy shuldin't now dat dere are bedder ways.

So.

Maman sed to Dadda, "I don know how to stook hay."

An Dadda sed, "I do. Id's easy."

Dees are dangerous werds when Dadda says dem.

Bud he went on: "You ged two bits ob stwing an lay dem onna gwound. Den you lay da dwy hay onna stwings an tie uppa hay. Den you stand uppa hay an wet it dwy sum more. Den you pud da stooks inna shed."

"An waid for spontaneous combustion." Added Maman.

She is helpful wike dat.

An Dadda sed, "Nod if you dwy it rite to begin wif."

An I'm finkin dat you nebber shuld wet two ober-eddykated hoomins woose inna field togedder.

Cos I know whut Maman is seein in her hed. She has showed me buks where dere are pikchurs ob peebles dwessed in red, gween an bloo hoods an jackits an dey hab stockins on dere wegs an dey are doin fings wike cuddin gwapes an stuff. Dey are pikchurs frumma wong time ago bifore hoomins god smawt an stopped doin fings wike dat.

Bud dis is whut Maman is seein in her hed. Whut she is NOD seein, is her, inna wong dwess an sandals, or Dadda in jeans an dwess shoes, jumpin on shubbles an diggin inna dirt, emptyin pwastic bags ob pooties inna hot sun, or bweakin a nail or geddin bugs inn'er hair or him sprainin a mussel or her twistin her ankle or sumfing else stoopid or Dadda carryin her off toda 'Mergency Room wif bee-stings or him geddin cobbered in poison iby an scratchin forebber or sumfing.

See, I know dees two.

So afta wistenin for a widdle bid, Clover shakes her ears an says, "Uh oh is rite."

An ebben Luckie, da Stoopid Widdle Dreamer, shakes her ears an says, "Dis mite nod turn oud too well."

An Hunny gwabbed uppa mouf-full ob hay, wooked ober at me an sed, "Bugger it."

An I sed, "Yup."

Cos we know bedder. Bud Maman an Dadda don.

So Here We Go Agin.

Posted by Our Warren at 10:57 AM EDT
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Friday, 21 May 2004
Day Twenty-Too / 4th Strand
Tiday is May Twenty-FURST, 2004.

Bemember dis cos dis is da day dat our sistah, Beffy, was borned. So tiday is her Hoppy Birfday day.

So I'm gonna tell you boud Beffy.

Furst ob all, Beffy issa hoomin. She don lib heer, bud she mite as well lib heer cos she comes heer a wot. Maman is her muver an Beffy is Maman's kit. Now Our Dadda is not Beffy's dadda cos Beffy's dadda went toda Bridge an I nebber knowed him. Bud Our Dadda is berry wike a reg'lar Dadda in dat he cares berry much aboud Beffy. Dis is normal at Our Warren; you arribe at Our Warren wiffoud much fambly an den you suddenwy habba wotta fambly.

Sumtimes Beffy bwings her dawg, Codi, when she comes to bisit. I don wike dawgs assa gen'ral rool an Codi is no hextceptshun. Id's not Codi's fault, ob course, it's just dat she issa dawg an she issa Shebu Innu kinda dawg an she has far too menny teef dat she is too fond ob usin. An she's nod gonna use dem on me. So she's not atta top ob my wist ob "fabourite critters to bisit" if you know whut I meen.

Bud Beffy is anudder stowy.

Maman says dat Beffy an I ara wotta'wike. Beffy says dat I amma bitch. *footflicks* I am notta dawg. I amma bunny. I am also da Top Bun inna Warren an she issn. I amma 'sertib, bud dat's my job. So dat is preddy much, dat.

Howebber, Beffy does bwing tweets an she gibs pets. Sumtimes she an I tawk an Beffy tells me 'boud "goin oud" wif her friends an "pwayin pool" (whutebber dat is) an habbin fun. She also has told me aboud her "werk" atta hoomin V-E-Ts office. I fink if she is gonna werk atta V-E-Ts office, it shuld be atta reg'lar V-E-T where she culd help us feel bedder aboud habbin to be goin dere an nod be so skeert, you know? She geds a wong gud wif dawgs an ebben wif catz, which is nodda easy fing for ENNYWUN todo (cos catz is nutz).

An Beffy an I are preddy. I amma bwack an white bunny wif uppy ears. Beffy hassa wong, berry blonde hairs on her hed an gween eyes. Beffy wafs a wot. She also tawks a wot. She makes "jokes" dat makes peebles waf. She makes jokes aboud my ears dat are nod funny. Sumtimes she goes toda "be-yoo-tee-shop" an gits sum fancy nails on her hands. I hab to hab my nails cwipped an Maman an Dadda does it. I don gedda go to enny shops.

Beffy can pway dat 'cello fing Maman pways. I dunno why. She also pways a "gittar" fing an sings. Sumtimes she pways da pianer inna dinin-room downnastairs. I dunno why she does dat, eidder.

To be honest, I dunno why hoomins do a wot obba fings dat dey do. Whut's wiffa fancy nails anna goin to werk an alla dis "goin oud" an gibbin house-space to dawgs? I fink dat Beffy wuld do bedder to habba bunny, wike me, to sort ob okkypye her time an help her to gedda'wong in wife.

Maman is all-rite assa Maman, bud she's nod good at teachin "wife". Now I culd organyize Beffy's wife for her, an show her whut's 'portant - you know, wike habbin good salads, an habbin good tweets, an reskewin udder bunnies who need homes, an how to cwean a pootie-box da rite way.

When it comes to libbin well, you can't beat da bunny-way-ob-wife.

Dere is nuffin bedder den habbin sum tweets, habbin sum hay an habbin a nap.

An den geddin up todo it all ober agin!

Hoppy Birfday, Beffy! An menny more! Frum Alla Us Togedder!!!

Posted by Our Warren at 1:05 PM EDT
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Thursday, 20 May 2004
Day Twenty-wun / 4th Strand
Guess whut?

Id is almost Sistah Beffy's Birfday!

She will be twenty-sebben yeers owd. Dis is not owd for a hoomin (Maman is fifty, an her mawmie is atey-for, which is owd!), bud I nebber herd obba rabbit who is dat owd. Hunny issa owdest bunny I know an he is twelbe. Poet issa nextest owdest an she is elebben. I am nine. I will be ten onna Forf ob Jooly, which is when ebberybunny else will also go uppa yeer.

Da rezon dat alla us togedder habba same birfday is cossa da Ancient Dawg.

Nowda Ancient Dawg has gone toda Bridge, bud I bemember him. He usta be eighteen, which is berry owd fora dawg.

His name was "Tristan" an he wassa long, low dawg wif bwack an white spots. Maman sed he was mainwy a Basset Houn' - "Two Dawgs Wong an Half a Dawg High".

Dis is troo. I hextplored him, an yes, he wassa berry wong dawg when he was lyin on his bwankie (which was most obba time, when I knew him). He wuz almost fibe hops wong! An dat is fibe ob my hops, an I am nodda small bunny.

Maman's Dadda cawled Tristan, "Maxymillian Van Snort" cos Tristan usta sneeze a wot. An cos he wuz low toda ground, he usta bang his hed onna fwoor when he sneezed. Id nebber seemed to bover him dat he banged his hed. Dis is cos his hed was fulla "concreet", Maman sed, wike most bassets - cos once dey gedda idea in dere heds, she says, it geds stuck dere, wike it's set in concreet. Bud I know howta change a basset mind. Heatherington taught me. Bud you godda be brabe to doit.

Most ob Tristan's ideas settled round food. He wiked treets - enny treets, kloodin bunny treets.

I mean, whut can you do wiffa dawg dat eats carrots? An appils? An gwapes? An raisins?

Maman wuld pud downna raisins for Hunny, Heatherington, Maggie an me an we'd be siddin dere, each habbin sum, powite-wike, wike rabbits do, an den we'd heer da raddle obba chain, an heer comes Tristan. You'd know it wuz him, cos his nose comed innu da room bifore da rest obba dawg made it fru da door.

So heer comed dis nose an da nose wuld shub fru alla bunnies an suddenly, dere wuld be no tweats.

Just wike dat, dey wuz all gone. Now you see dem, now you don. An dere wassa dawg, wiffa back end waggin anna frunt end snufflin.

Well, Hunny was allus too skeert to do ennyfing. He'd hear da chain raddle an he's run forit. Maggie wuld just sit dere, but Heatherington wassa tough widdle Dutch bunny an he'd *thump* when he saw da nose comin thru da doorway.

So Heatherington wuld *thump* an Hunny wuld scatter, an I wuz new back den, so I wuld just sit dere - an heer comes da nose wike a snowplough - and **whomp** dere went alla tweets.

An good ol' Maman's standin dere, goin, "Now Tris, weab da bunnies' tweets awone..."

She's berry e-fek-tib.

So Heatherington got tired ob dis. Da Dutchy-boy lubbed his raisins an hated seein dem dissypeer downna dawg.

So da nextest time datta chain raddled, he wuz reddy. He gotted innu a bwack an white ball, an whenna nose comed barrellin in, he *THUMPED* extry woud. Budda nose kept comin. So he *THUMPED* agin. Budda nose pushed fru Maggie. Hunny scrabulled, an beat feets oudda dere an back innu his habbytat.

An dere was Heatherington, alla wone, wif Maggie wika furry doorstop an me, bouncin upindown, callin Maman, cos I knowed datta dawg is in forit.

Bud it was too wate.

Nestest fing I knowed, dere's da nose an it's godda bunny 'tached to it.

Cos Dutches bite an den dey hang on.

Well. You nebber herd sucha rakit!

Da dawg, Tistan, stawts screamin dat his nose is bit, an Heatherington is yellin fru his teef, "I told you to leeb dose tweets awone!" anna dawg is screamin for Maman an Maman is screamin, "Leeb da bunny awone!" an Maggie's siddin dere wika doorstop an Hunny's runnin in cirkles inna habbytat.

So Maman gwabs da dawg, an he's wong an has godda bunny 'tached toda nose-end, so he's wigglin, an ebberywun is screamin - an Maman pulls offa bunny.

So now da dawg-nose is bweedin an Hetherington is justa ball ob rilly angry bwack an white fur. So he bites Maman.

Now Maman is bweedin.

So in comes da Lad, 'tracted by alla screamin.

An he scoops up Heatherington an puds him back innu his habbytat, an he puds Maggie back. An aldoh I didn't do ennyfing, I godda go back innu my habbytat, too.

Anna dawg goes toda V-E-T an has his nose sowed up.

So afta dat, Tristan didn eat our tweets no more. In fack, he changed.

He didn stop comin inna door nose-furst, bud he'd come in, an den he'd stop an siddown an wook. An Heatherington wuld wook up, an sorta gib a half-hearted *thump* anna dawg wuld wook, an den swing his hed aroun an make sure dat nobun wus comin. An den his eyebrows wuld werk up-an-down, an dis big pink tongue wuld come oud an **slurp** on Heatherington.

Yuck. Dawg-slobber.

Bud he nebber eated our tweeats agin.

Posted by Our Warren at 9:12 AM EDT
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Wednesday, 19 May 2004
Day Twenty / 4th Strand
I fink I ought to point oud here dat dis issa nineteenf day obba monf ob May - Just so you know dat my datin system is skrewed up bud is at weast cwose toda mawk.

Maman sed if I ebber ged back on trak, she's gonna holda sellybrashun.

Da Cokie-Fat-Cat waked up compwainin. Dadda sed if he don shutit, he's gonna be a furry cawpet anna set ob violin stwings. We don godda violin an Maman sed datta better 'cello stwings are made oudda Purlon, so I don know whut good Dadda hopes to 'komplish.

Cokie is upsed cos id is cwoudy oud, cos his food-bowl god empty ober-nite, cos his winder wassn opin early enfu dis mawnin, an cos he issn awoud to go downna "basement", wherebber dat is. Nobunny 'cept Dadda anna Lad an Sherwin issa'woud downna "basement" ennyhows, so I don know why he is so upsed aboud it.

Bud dat's da fing aboud cats - dey ged upsed ober ebberfing.

An dey HAB ebberyfing!

Nuffin ticks me off wike sumbun who compwains alla time when dey hab ebberyfing dey culd possibwy wan.

Cats ebben hab more comiks.

Hab you notised dat? Dey hab more comiks inna funny pages obba noospapers den ebben dawgs - an dere ara'wotta dawgs, too. Berry few bunnies, doh. In fack, when Maman an I read da noospapers inna mawnin, dere is onwy ONE bunny an dat is onwy sumtimes!

An whenna bunny is featchured inna comik "For Bedder of For Worse", guess whut? Da Bunny, whose name is "Butterscotch" is allus doin sumfing naughty. A couple ob days ago, he was eatin alla fwowers his mawmie had pwanted.

Now dat stoopid cat, "Garfield" is allus naughty. He is wike Cokie, fat an wazy, bud ebberybunny finks he's funny.

He is nod funny - he is spoilt.

Wook at "Fred Basset". He issa dawg inna comiks, an he is also spoilt.

Bud BOF ob dees guys are allus habbin it "rain onna wrong field", as Maman says.

An den dere'sa bunny in "FBOFW", an da poor bunny don' ebben gedda tawk!

Dis issa outrage. Alla cats anna dawgs inna funny-pages tawk, ebben da cats an dawgs in "Mutts", bud onwy WUNCE INNA WHILE ISSA BUNNY FEACHERED!

Now I gen'rally 'proobe ob "Mutts" an "FBOFW" cos dose comiks at weast hab bunnies inn'em sumtimes, bud dees udder comik-artists, I dunno. Dey are stoopid.

Maman told me datta "Simpsons" onna TeeBee stawted oud as bunnies, bud datta artist changed dem innu peeble.

Well, hey, Matt! Dat wassa bad moob!

You culda been a hero to billions obba'pressed bunnies an gibben a message 'boud reskews, hope an forebber homes. But you blew it an seddled for millions ob peebles, insted.

Yeah, I know: you went wiffa munny.

You know, I fink I'm gonna go sulk. Id's cwoudy oud, anna winder issn opin, an nobunny is wettin me oudda my habbytat an dere is no hay till Maman goes to buy sum.

Anna stoopid cat won't shuddup.

I'm going back to bed.

So dere.


Posted by Our Warren at 8:01 AM EDT
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Tuesday, 18 May 2004
Day Nineteen / 4th Strand
Well, I guess I should tell you whut happined here a couple ob days ago - cos George is still heer an I sorta don see him moobin on inna hurry.

Furst ob all, his name isn't George. We don know whut his name is an nedder does he. "George" is whut Maman calls him, cos she says dat she has allus wanted Wun Big Rabbit Whose Name Is George. Dadda calls him "Fred" bud I don fink dat's his name eidder.

Well whutebber his name is, dis is gonna be Wun Big Rabbit as soon as he is growed up, but dat's not rite now onna'count ob George's bein whut Dadda calls a "babby". Which is whut I fink is his reel name, bud we'll ged to dat inna minit.

Furst, I'll tell you whut happined.

Now, wike I've sed bifore, Maman's mawmie is berry sik, an dis is causin Maman an Sistah Beffy to hab to be dere to wook afta her a wot. Dadda anna Lad are preddy much on dere own wif us. So Maman an Dadda don hab much time to tawk or when wun is tawkin, nobunny has much energy weft for wistenin. Dis is a pwobwem cos dey aren't makin sense to each udder.

So ennyway, da Lad tooka phone call frum a V-E-T dat we used to go to. Dey hadda 'bandoned bunny an no wun to take him. Da Lad told Dadda 'boud it. Dadda told da Lad, "NFC, mate; where wuld we pudd'im when we got eight uppystairs?" an dat was dat. I breathed a sigh ob relief, bud still felt kinda bad forda bunny wif no home.

I mean, it's terryble, bein OnAlone an how awful can it be to be atta V-E-Ts, knowin dat you is OnAlone on top ob dat?

Bud whut culd I do? We is wall-to-wall bunnies inna Bun Room in our Habbytats, an Hunny is on meddycin an I'm onwy eatin salad, an fings are nod 'speshully peaceful, whut wif Maman's mawmie an alla stuff goin on.

Well, ennyways, dees fings habba way ob werkin oud. When Maman comed home, da Lad told Maman boutta phone call. She gotted dat deer-inna-hed-lights wook aboud her, an wooked at Dadda. Bud Dadda wuz hed-down inna 'puter game an he didn' say ennyfing cept datta bunny was OnAlone atta V-E-Ts an he fortygotted to tell her aboudda phone call.

So da nextest day, Dadda goes to werk, an Maman sets off to do her stuff - mindin her mawmie, geddin food to her, callin da hoomin V-E-T an twyin to figger oud whut to do nextest, an s'sportin Sistah Beffy who is stayin wiffa Maman's Mawmie, who she calls "mom-mom".

Den wate inna day, Maman comes in wike a whirlwind, gwabs a carrier and she's gone again.

Now I been heer for seben years, an I'm nod stoopid. When Maman gwabs an empty carrier an don pud enny ob us innit, she's goin onna "Reskew".

So Dadda comes home an he an da Lad are playin on dere 'puter game, an Maman whirls back in wiffa carrier. An Dadda wooks inside an says, "I fought I told you dat we don gotta room." He didn yell or ennyfing, he just sed it.

An Maman says, "You just told me datta bunny wus dere - wike I shuld go geddit. So I did."

An dis wassa troof - cos Dadda had sed toda Lad dat dere wuz no room, he didn' say dat to Maman. Ebben doh she knowed dat dere wuz no room heer, she allus says dat she kin find room-for-wun-more inna 'mergency, dat God don send nobunny to be reskewed unwess He knows datta bunny shuld be heer.

An Dadda didn't say ennyfing. So Maman wuz skeert. She broughted da carrier uppystairs an set it in frunt ob my habbytat an rushed back downnastairs.

An dere was George inside, wookin bewildered.

So I axted him his name, an he don know. He wassn atta furst home wong enuf to bemember his name. Babby's is wike dat - you feed dem enuf an dey don bemember ennyfing 'cept where da food is.

So I axted him whut happined. An George sed dat he was inna shop, den inna nice home. Denna peebles dat had him hadda fight anna young girl dat was takin care ob him stawted to cry. Den she pud him inna big box an dey went toda V-E-T pwace. An den, he sed she pudda box onna floor, anna nextest fing he knew, sumwun else was opinin da box an he wassn' home ennymore. He wuz OnAlone!

An cos he issa babby, he stawted to cry an he wuz skeert.

So I told him he was at Our Warren an introduced him as much as I culd, seein as how he wuz still inna carrier an culdn't see much.

Den I herd downnastairs, Dadda say to Maman dat it wuz his fault, dat he had sed 'boud no room toda Lad, an Maman stawted cryin - well, she don zactly cry, she just stands dere an her eyes ged fulla wadder an she backs away, wike she is gonna bolt enny minit.

An den Dadda sed, "Well, he'll hab to be a Foster, cos we can hab enuf room, bud I can't kick da babby oud, cos he's god no home." Den Dadda comed uppa stairs an wooked in.

An I sed to da babby, "Wookit Junyor, you godda p'wess Dadda. Cos you issa babby, you godda wotta 'cute' goin for you, so use it."

An Dadda godda reskew cage frumma car an taked George oudda da carrier an dat's when I rilly godda wook at him.

Wet me tell you, dis is no "Wun Yeer, Full Growed Bunny" wike da V-E-T told Maman. Dis issa berry young, half-growed Flemish Giant babby - he gots da big hed dat's half da size ob his body, da broad face anna BIG feets ob your typikal Flemish Giant. An he's all white wif some grey on his face. His ears aren't as big as dey culd be, bud he's growin.

An den, as Dadda is holdin da Babby, da Babby reached up an snuffled his hair. Den he tasted da hair. Den he cuddled. I'm tellin you, dis babby wearns fast!

So now he's heer. I told him alreddy, fortyged da pellets, hold oud for salad an hay. An dis kid's no dummy - he's nod eatin pellets, bud he's eatin huge amounts ob salad an hay. He don know whut treats are, bud we'll ged to dat.

I'm coachin him.

I fink I mite wike dis babby. Ebben if his name IS George, which I don fink id is. I fink his name is Babby.


Posted by Our Warren at 8:41 AM EDT
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Friday, 14 May 2004
Day Sebbenteen / 4th Strand
Well, I was readin da noospapers wif Maman dis mornin an akordin to Da Guardian Noospaper, id is now berry fashunable to habba gardener anna garden.

We gots a nice garden area outside obba houz. I can see it frumma winder. Da Lad mowed it yestidday wiffa wanmower an den he cutted da hedge. An den he comed inside da houz an sed dat it wassa wotta werk fur nuffin.

So I got to finkin abouddit.

Here's alla dis garden area dat is nodda garden bud culd be wun. An den I bemembered wast yeer.

Hooboy! Dis "Garden" fing came up wast yeer, too.

Id was inna Spwing, an Dadda was tawkin to Maman an he sed dat whut we rilly needed inna side garden wassa fountin-inna-fwower garden.

An Maman sed dat whut we rilly needed was roses wike she had inna garden back in Inkland.

Anna Lad sed whut dey rilly needed wassa Reality Check cossa wun dose two had, bounced.

Sistah Beffy just 'spressed da idea dat we had way too menny pooties an nod enuf pwaces for'dem, so a garden sounded wike a good idea she wanted no pawts ob.

In sum ways, Da Lad an Sistah are a widdle bedder off mentally den Maman an Dadda, bud don say I told you.

So Maman an Dadda went off toda Guy Store to see abouda garden.

An I'm up heer finkin, "Dill".

So dey go toda Guy Store, bud dere is nuffin dere dat Dadda wants (he knows whut he's wookin for. Maman sed dat he hassa "British Genetic Imperative to dig inna dirt".). So dey go toda Feed Store where dere is also a wan an garden store.

An dey come home wiffa bunny.

Dis bunny is, furst ob all, gween. Sekond ob all, it hassa hole in its back anna nozzle on its butt. It has no smell an it don run or nuffin. Maman sed it issa "fountin" forda birdbaf an set it onna floor inna Bun Room assa Dekkyrashun for us.

So. I'm still up here finkin, "Dill". Cos dat is my fabrit herb.

Well, Dadda gets a shubble an goes outside an stawts to dig. Den he moobs da big concreet bird baf frum unner da climbin rose bush dat refuses to climb. He comes in to see Maman an ged Band-Aids. Den he goes oud again an digs sum more. Den Maman goes oud wif ice-tea (Dis is sumfing she makes dat we don ged.). Den she comes in wookin thoughtful. Dadda comes in an says Bad Werds.

Da Lad stays in his room an is rilly quiet. No music, no woud puter noises. On his way past us he tells me dat dere is no way he's gonna ged inbolbed in dis mess.

Dadda goes oud again an comes in again. Maman issn't sayin much aside frum "You poor darling" which is whut she says to Dadda when fings don go his way.

Den she comes an geds da green bunny dat don't hab no smell anna nozzle init's butt. She gibs dat to Dadda an he goes oud innu da yard. So I wook oud my winder.

Well, da yard is all humps ob dirt wif stacks ob lawn cut innu chunks an Dadda's bootpwints inna dirt trackin heer an dere. An dere'ssa big concreet birdbaf inna middle obba yard, sorta weanin to wun side, an siddin inna middle ob it on top, issa green bunny. Now it's godda hose connected to it's butt.

An Dadda shouts, "Hokay?"

An Maman says, "Hokay."

An I heer da hosepipe squeek. An dis widdle squirt ob wadder shoots oudda da bunny's back an sorta widens innu a widdle cone, aboud a inch high. An it piddles down, wettin alla 'round da green bunny dat has no smell.

An Maman an Dadda are standin dere togedder wif dere heds on one side, wookin atta green bunny, piddlin inna middle obba birdbaf, an I'm yellin in my hed, finkin as woud as I kin, "Wook you two, DILL! Pwant DILL! Ebben you kin gwow DILL, itsa WEED!"

So now da green bunny is siddin onna bukshelf, holdin up a bunch ob books. Da birdbaf is back by da straggly climbin rose bush dat don climb an Dadda sed he'll be blasted if he's gonna ged inbolbed in twendy fings an whut he RILLY wants ista pwant tatties.

An Maman found an owd pot an pud sum dill innit cos she herd dat it issa weed an easy to gwow.

An I'm still up heer waidin for it.

Posted by Our Warren at 8:43 AM EDT
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Thursday, 13 May 2004
Day Sixteen / 4th Strand
I fink I god my strands messed up. Oh well. Kountin was nebber my strongest point.

Maman's mawmie is sik. She don wike Our Warren. In fact, she doesn't fink to highly ob Maman, eidder, which makes it hard for Maman to deel wif her. She is berry owd. Older den Hunny, ennyways, an she won't go toda hoomin vet when she needs to, an Maman is ushually onna losin end ob dat argumint an den Dadda hasta step in an say sumfing. She wistens to Dadda cos he issa man. I dunno how Maman's mawmie finks, cos its nod da way I do - seems berry odd to me. Bud dat's why Maman issn't feelin too good, I fink, cos she is "swessed oud" as Dadda calls it. All I know is dat da salads are wate.

Ennyways, wike I was tellin you aboud Mouse anna air condishywasher anna lektrick sokit an all... I'm going to go back to tellin you boud'dat cos dat's sumfing I unnerstand.

So da Lad had alla stuff to fixa sokit cos Maman had gone to da "Guy's Store" (which is whut she calls "Home Depot" cos it is fulla guys in pick-em-ip-trucks). So he comes innu da Bun Room an hassa wook atta job. Bud to do dis, he hasta moob a few fings.

Wike us.

Now cos dere is eight ob us, dere issn a whole lod ob extry room inna Bun Room. We god a wotta habbytats an widdle hallways b'tween dem so dat we can walk up and down an all. So in order for da Lad to moob Mouse outta da way, he hasta moob Luckie-Bun outta da way, bud to do dat, he hasta moob Missy an she panicks ebberytime she hasta be moobed. So da idea is to moob Luckie wiffoud habbin to moob Missy.

An don, whutebber you do, bump innu da Owd Folks, Hunny an Poet, cos Poet will just lose her mind an Hunny will ged all disoryented cos he has trubble seein an heerin. Maman says his eqwell-librium isnn' too good, eidder.

So.

Da Lad decides dat he shuld moob Luckie UP an den OBER an den innu da hallway outside obba Bun Room. But do do dat, he hasta make it so dat she won't be 'vestigated by da cats, who hab a cushon to wie on inna hallway. So he heebed da cushon ober da bannyster an pudda gate up accrosst da stairs. Dat stopped da cats.

Den he went to pick up Luckie-Bun's habbytat wif her innit.

Well, Luckie-Bun finks dat enny hand comin innu her habbytat hassa tweat innit an she furst snuffles da hand an alla da fingers to see where da tweat is. She wikes to gedda fingers apart so she can snuffle between-a-fingers, too, cos you nebber can be sure datta hand is totally emptee until you habba rilly good wook. At weast, dat's her theory.

So wile da Lad has her up inna air, Luckie is snufflin his fingers dat he has poked fru da habbytat. When he didn't pull his fingers up to wet her snuffled unner dem, she decided to moob his fingers up herself: she bited him.

Well, hokay, he yelled, bud he didn't dwop her or ennyfing, cos Maman was standin rite dere, wachin.

So Luckie is determined. She bites his finger again to see if she kin pry it up to hab a wook unnerneaf. So he yells again. Bud he don dwop her.

By dis time, he has her almost outta da door.

So Luckie finks dis sucks. She can't seem to ged him to moob his fingers. But dis issa determined rabbit.

She gwabs hold ob his fingers an stawts tuggin.

Da Lad pud her down inna hall, pulled his fingers oud obba habbytat an sed a wotta rilly bad werds.

Den he's godda moob Mouse.

Mouse's Habbytat is onna Hope Chest, as I told you bifore. So da idea here wasta moob da Hope Chest wif Mouse onnit to where Luckie's habbytat had bin. So dat was easy.

Anna Lad sed to Mouse, "Don't you dare pee on me."

So Mouse finked dis ober.

Anna Lad went to werk, remoobin da old sokit.

So Mouse is finkin.

Anna Lad is werkin onna sokit.

He geds da sokit fixed, an pwugs inna hextenshunion cord for da air condishywasher. He pushed da 'Mote button an ebberyfink werked.

An Mouse is finkin.

So da Lad puds away alla his tools, an bushes up da mess an geds it inna bag an shows Maman 'zactwy whut he did. An Maman gibbed him sum munny for doin such a good job an ebberyfing.

Den berry carefully, da Lad moobed da Hope Chest wif Mouse on it back to where it was. Den he carefully moobed Luckie-Bun (who was sulkin cos he had yelled at'ter) back to her pwace. An den he bent down to tawk to Mouse...

An Mouse finished finkin aboud it... turned his butt toward da Lad... an peed.

Weel, I fought it wuz funny!

Posted by Our Warren at 3:29 PM EDT
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Wednesday, 12 May 2004
Day Fifteen / 4th Strand
I wanna extend da most sincere BEST WISHES frum alla us togedder at Our Warren to our bestest friend, DON SA an his wady, SPOOKY, onna okashun ob dere BONDIN! We're wishin dem a wong an hoppy wife togedder down dere in Birginya. HOORAY for SA an SPOOKY!!!! Cilantro marguritas alla 'round!!

An dat's da happy noos dis mawnin.

Udder happy noos is dat we gots our air considhywasher back. Good fing, cos it's gonna be hot again tidday.

Of course, it wassa nudder interestin time inna Bun Room.

Furst, Maman went toda Guy Store. Dis is called "Home Depot" an it is neer heer. She went alone, which she hardly ebber does cos she says datta store confoozles her. It's nodda store dat confoozles her, its dat she confoozles ebbery person inna store cos she has no cloo whut she's doin, an she hassa hard time communykatin whut she's twyin to do to udder peebles. Dis is cos da inside ob Maman's hed issa "obscure pwace" an onwy Dadda can see inside. If dere wassa map ob Maman's hed, it wuld say "Terra Incognita" onit an Dadda wuld hab his name in Nahunal Geografik assa hextplorer.

Ennyways, Maman gets toda Home Depot pwace, an rite off, she's in trubble. She sed datta car-park was fulla pick-'em-up-trucks. Dis issa bad sign, she sed, cos it means dat da store is gonna be full ob peebles dat know whut dey want, an she hassa onwy "fambly isshoo" car obba rank ammychur. Bud Maman is brabe - so she went in ennyway an parked da Buick inna middle ob alla pick-'em-up-trucks. She sed da Buick wooked "short".

So she went inside an finds da 'Lektrick Sekshun an stawts wookin for wall sokits to replace da wun Mouse had peed on. An don'cha know, she sed, dere wasn't jus WUN sokit, dere was wike a hunnert, all wined up. Dere was "kommershural" ones, an "rezzydenshul" ones, an "all-purpose" ones, an "lite" ones an "hebby-dooty" ones an ones for "in-dust-re-al uses" an udder uses dat she don ebben rekonize. An all she knows issat she hasta ged wun wif free holes innit. Well, most obbem on display has free holes.

So sum guy sees her standin dere dyin ob indecision, an axts her "Whut amperage you want?" inna friendly fashun.

An she looks attem an bwinks an she's wike, "I'm sorry?" (Maman appolygyzes for ebberyfing.)

Anna guy smiles an says again, "Whut amerage you want?"

So Maman, being Maman sed, "It's fora Bun Room."

Well, dat perplexes da guy rite dere, cos now he's got no cloo what she's tawkin aboud. So he says he's sorry. So she says dat Mouse peed onna sokit an she hasta repwace it.

So now da guy is geddin a flicker - Maman sed you culd see it in his face, dat atta werd "peed" an "repwace" sumfing was stawtin to click in his hed. An you can say datta guy culd unnerstan datta mouse culd pee onna wight sokit - dat he's geddin da basik outwines obba story here, ebben doh it'ssa wrong story.

So he wooks atta sokits an says, "Well, it can't hurt to habba higher amps. Issa mouse comin back?"

He prob'wy woulda bin hokay if he'd not axted nuffin aboudda mouse, bud he did, an Maman says bwightly,

"Oh Mouse lives there. He's a rabbit."

So she fanks da guy berry much an moobs on toda display obba hextenshun cords, leebin da guy standin dere sorta watchin her leeb wif his hed onna side.

You see, Maman has dis disconnected kind ob intellygence - disconnected frum most peebles reality. She tawks usin real werds in proper sentances, it's just dat her werds leeb udder peebles repeatin da sentances wookin forda hidden meanings.

So a store guy wanders past an she axts him which hextenshun cord will werk wiffa air condishywasher. An da store guy axts her, "How menny BTU's?" an Maman don't know, so she says, "We hadda hextenshun cord bifore, bud Mouse hadda akkydent an now it won't werk."

Anna guy sed, "Oh, well, if you have mice, you needa traps inna exterminating sekshun in isle twenty-free."

An Maman wooks horryfied an says, "Good God, no! Mouse issa Bunny."

Anna store guy wooks confoozled an says, "I fought you sed you hadda mouse."

An Maman says, "I do. He'sa rabbit."

An dere issa momint ob siwence while dey each twy to werk oud whut da udder wun is tawkin aboud.

An Maman says (twyin to be helpful), "Itsa small air condishywasher."

Anna store guy rallies an wooks atta display ob hextenshun cords an axts her (prob'ly bifore finkin dis fru,) "How long do you needit?"

An Maman finks an says, "Da Bun Room is twelbe-by-four'teen."

Which tells him precisely nuffin. But Maman is precise wif her nuffin. Axt her a qwestshun an she'll gib you exact informashun aboud sumfing else. Dis is cos she is imaginin da room in her hed, an seein da winder, an measurin frumma winder toda sokit an knowin da dimenshuns obba room. Den makin da quantum leep in assumin dat da person tawkin to her is seein in dere hed da same fing dat she is seein, she gibs dem infortymashun dey can't use.

Bud she don't realize dis.

Now Dadda knows dis aboud her an he kin keep up wif her, if nod getta jump ahead ob her (which is why most ob dere conbersashuns sound disjointed.). Most peebles can't which is why he married her an udder men didn't.

Anna Home Depot Store Guy was wost. An he knew it. So he gwabs a hextenshun cord an shobes it innu her hands an says, "I fink dis is whut you want, Ma'am."

An she says, "I need two, please."

An he says, "You shouldn't string two ob'em togedder, Ma'am. Fire hazard."

An she says, "Two air condishywashers."

So da guy gibs up, cos he's nod inside ob her hed an seein da air condishywasher dat's in her an Dadda's bedroom along wiffa air condishywasher dat's inna Bun Room da she's seein.

So now she has two wight sokits an two hextenshun cords an she heds toda chek-oud an manages to ged fru dat wiffoud messin wif ennywun's mind. An she finds da Buick nested in wiffa pick-'em-up-trucks an heds home.

I'll tell you boud how ebberyfing geds installed tomorry. Wike ebberyfing else, it wassa nudder 'benchur.

Posted by Our Warren at 8:45 AM EDT
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Tuesday, 11 May 2004
Day Fourteen / 4th Strand
Maman sed I hab falled down onna job as Top Bun cos I didn see "it" comin.

I dunno whut she hexpecks ob me, da stoopid womin.

Ebbery nite, I come outta my habbytat an wook innu ebberybunny else's habbytat an make shure dat dey are all-rite an if ebberyfing wooks hokay, den, dat's it, I figger it's all-rite an I kin go to bed.

I am nod to bwame for whut I can't see.

An I culdn't see dat Mouse was peein ober da side ob his pootie-box.

Mouse didn see it eidder. He's nod an "aim-bifore-peein" kind ob guy. He's more a "pee-an-den-wook-if-I-feel-wike-it" kinda guy.

An ennyway, nun ob us reelized dere wassa 'lektrikal plug down dere onna wall, an ebben if we did, I shure as heck know dat nun ob us knew da darn air condishywasher wuz plugged innu it.

An who knew dat bunny pee wuld cause a big fwash anna bang?

It's not wike we hab funder-storms inna Bun Room ebbery day. *sulk* An nod onwy dat, ebben if we DID hab funder-storms inna Bun Room, dey don happin cos ob Mouse peein, you know?

I jus don see how dis was my fault.

I don ebben see how id was enny ob Mouse's fault.

Whut I DO see issat Dadda shuldn't hab put Mouse's habbytat so cwose toda wall. An I also see dat Mouse's habbytat shuldn't hab been put onna Hope Chest, eidder. I mean, whut were dey hopin for? - dat he wuld miss da 'lektrik plug dat wus rite dere onna wall nextest to him when he peed? *geez*

Mouse has always had good pooty-box habits. He hassa corner pooty-box an he wikes it ober in dat corner, nearest da wall. Dat's kind obba natchural pwace fora bunny to habba pooty-box, near toa wall. Now just how he manages to pee ober da side wiffoud it showin, I don know. Nobunny seed it bifore wast nite, dat's fur shure. Not wike he wuz sprayin all ober da pink paint Maman is so fond ob or ennyfing. When Dadda moobed Mouse's habbytat, da paint onna wall wuz just fine.

Ob course, Mouse wuz a widdle shook up. I mean, it wuz hot inna Bun Room yestidday, so when Dadda comed home frum werk, he told Maman he wuz gonna turn onna Bun Room Air Condishywasher for us, an we fought, "Good". We've hadda air condishywasher now fora whole yeer an it helps keep our room nice ann cool inna Summertime. Bunnies need it to be cool where dey lib cos we wear fur coats no madder whut da season.

So Dadda turned onna Bun Room Wight an gotta Remote Contwol fingie, an pwessed da button to turn onna air condishywasher. Well, dere wassa sizzlin noise, an denna "Whop" sound, anna bwight fwash ob wight, an denna woud "BANG!".

Da wight went oud.

Well, Missy-Bun fumped an ran forit an skittered innu a heap atta back ob her habbytat. Luckie went straight up inna air an came down wif all four paws alreddy engaged, runnin inna cirkle. Beebe fumped and grunted an Dadda yelled, so I comed runnin toda frunt ob my habbytat an fell ober my wader bowl. Poet fell ober Hunny (who was nappin), twyin to ged away to her pooty-box, an Hunny rolled ober a couple ob times, twyin to find all four ob his feets an onwy rememberin where a couple obb'em was.

So dere was sum smoke, an Dadda stawted yellin for Maman, an Maman comes poundin uppa stairs, screamin, "Whut's happinin?" (Wike dis helps. She's a good wun inna 'mergency, she is.) An Dadda shuts offa switch onna wall, gwabs hold obba Hope Chest wif Mouse's habbytat onnit an flings it away frumma wall. Dis upsets Mouse, who suddenwy finds himself moobin sideways atta same time he's twyin to go forwards an he falls ober inna shower ob hay.

Inna meantime, Hunny's discobbered four-paw dribe an is careenin aroun his habbytat, wookin for Poet an fallin ober his tin cup.

An my feets are soaked cos my wadder bowl is uppyside down an I'm standin inna wadder twyin to see whut's goin on.

So, hokay, da smoke is driftin, just wun widdle curl obbit. Mouse jumps back on his paws, hassa lunge at Dadda an bites his hand. Dadda says a Bad Werd.

So Dadda unpwugs da air condishywasher, an Maman's goin aroun to alla habbytats, wookin at alla us. She sets Hunny up on his paws, an geds anudder fluffy towel for me, cos I'm all wet, an sorts Missy outta her tangle wif her toys an hay an stuff. Beebe an Clover are furthest away frum alla commoshun, an dere hokay. Poet is still inna pooty-box, hangin on wif her eyes cwosed, which is whut she does when she's skert. She figgers if she can't see it, den whutebber it is can't ged her. She's a nice bunny, jus not a Deep Finker.

So Dadda shows Maman da Plug frumma air condishywasher, an it's all bwack where it pwugs innu da wall. 'Parently, Mouse has been peein ober da side ob his pootybox all Winter an peein rite onna Plug. He didn pee onna wall or ennyfing else, jus onna Plug. All Winter. An now it's jus wun corroded mess ob pwastic, metal an bunny-pee, so dat when Dadda turned onna 'lektricity toda plug, it just hextploded.

An so Dadda turns to me an says, "Belinda, why didn't you tell me Mouse was pissing on this plug?"

An I'm wike, "Whut?"

An Maman says, "She's fallin down onna job, silly gurl."

An I'm wike, "Hay, waid a minit..."

An den dey WAFFED! At ME!

So I gabe dem da RBB. I mean, HONESTWY!!!

So now we gots no air condishywasher tidday, until Maman anna Lad can go to da Home Depot store an buy a noo plug. An it's gonna be eighty outside! Mite as well be Summer an us wif fur coats on!

An sumhow, I'm sposed to keep an eye on Mouse an where he pees, so dat I kin warn Dadda when dis is likely to happin again.

Yeah. Oh sure. Dat will happin. As if!

Stoopid hoomins!

Posted by Our Warren at 8:40 AM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, 11 May 2004 8:54 AM EDT
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Monday, 10 May 2004
Day Firteen / 4th Strand
You know, SA, you are rite aboud bunnies geddin oud an innu your space. Dis happins heer, too, an it shuldn't.

I mean, as Top Bun, I shuld be allowed oud. Dat's my job, to wook innu ebberyfing an see dat ebberybun is hokay an has god ebberyfing dat dey need alla time, bud nobun is sposed to be in my Habbytat, checkin oud my stuff.

Bud'da udderday, don'cha know, Missy-Bun was in heer. She was jus bisitin, bud dat'issn da point, she was heer an I was a widdle, well, you know, s'sprised to see her sittin in my pooty-box. She didn' stay wong, she jus kinda hopped in, hadda wook at my stuff an hopped on oud, but itssa princypul obba fing: as Top Bun, I do dat to udders, dey don do dat to me.

Well, at weast now I know whutta "Home Inbashun" is, ennyway.

I keep seein dis pop-up ad onna Werld Wide Web dat says to "Hit Da Evil Kangaroo". Whut is wrong wif dees hoomins what makes up dees ads? Don dey know dat dere ARE NO EVIL ANNYMALS? Evil is sumfing dat onwy hoomins hab. Annymals don hab it. Ebben annymals I don wike, dat prey on rabbits aren't evil - dey are jus predytors, doin whut dey were designed to do - namely eat. Dat dey happin to eat rabbits is sumfing obba design flaw dat I don fink was intenshunal. I fink it was sumfing dat happined when da Hoomins god us all frown outta Da Original Garden.

See, I fink dat Originally, alla annymals were designed to ged awong wiffoud eating each udder. Den Hoomins screwed up onna'count ob lissening to Evil an wantin to be wike God. So when dat happined, Evil god innu da werld an screwed up ebberyfing, incloodin relashunships among alla annymals. Berry soon, dere were predytors an prey. We rabbits ended up as Prey.

Not good.

Bud dis doesn' mean datta predytors are evil. It jus means dat dis is how dey turned oud. It's not a choice dat dey made. Not wike sum owl waked up wun mornin an sed: "Hmmmm, I fink tiday I will bekom a carnyvor." Id issn' wike dat.

I don wake up inna mornin an fink, "Hey, I fink tiday I will be a prey annymal."

We don gedda choose.

But hoomins choose to be good or evil alla time. Ebbery choice dat dey make can be wun dat hurts or helps.

By choosin to type in a banner sayin to "Defeet da Evil Kangaroo" onna 'puter, no hoomin is helpin ennywun. Stoopid choice, hello evil.

Most evil fings stawt oud as stoopid ideas, you'll notice, an pwogwess frum dere.

By da way, ditch da diet pills an habba salad. I hab finally figgered it oud - fordyged alla addytibs anna supplymints inna diet. Fordyged alla "fordyfied foods" wif alla chemikals. Nebber mind eatin alla pills dat are sposed to promote dis or dat, wike annyoxydints an stuff, just buy more salad.

Dis is whut I'm twyin to tell Maman - BUY MORE SALAD! We don needa Green Bag an alla dat stuff. Dat way to stay away frumma V-E-T is to eat whut bunnies is sposed to eat - salad an hay. An tweats. Godda hab tweats, but den, bunnies hab tweats ennyway - carrots, appuls, an I'm sure dere issa papaya tablet tree sumwheres, just wike dere are Craisin bogs an Raisin vines inna wild. Udderwise, dey couldn't ged innu da boxes inna stores.

Ennyway, da fing is, EAT MORE SALAD. 'Speshully Spring Mix. Berry good stuff. Hab sum. You'll wike it.

Posted by Our Warren at 9:45 AM EDT
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Saturday, 8 May 2004
Day Twelbe / 4th Strand - New Beginning
Hokay. I fink we're finally straightened oud heer. Dis has been a rough couple ob weeks an no blog.

I wanna fank Mouse for twyin to hold fings togedder while I was gone. He did rilly well an I godda'mire dat, steppin innu da breech wike dat an takin ober wif no preppyrashun time or ennyfing, an nod rilly knowin whut he'd god himself innu. Dat takes a wotta courage, you know?

Bunnies aren't cowards.

So I bedder re-cap whut's been happinin at Our Warren, just so you kin be up-to-date.

1. I got REEL sik. My tummy didn feel good an I wassn eatin or drinkin, so Maman taked me to Dr Sharin an she sent me rite ober to Dr Doolen. Well, Dr Doolen couldn't see me cos he was bizzy wif udder patients, so he hassa noo doktor helpin him named Dr Fanders. So I seed her.
2. Dr Fanders pud me inna hospiddle! Well, dis hospiddle issa same wun I was in when Dr Doolen taked out my bladder stone an id is faraway frum where we libs. Maman an Dadda hasta dribe inna car fora long time to ged dere an Maman comed ebbery day to see me. Auntie Laura Hardy comed to see me, too, an Cricket an Boomer was dere wif me. Maman bringed us salad an Dill an we ate it.
3. I was inna hospiddle for fibe days!!! Dis was cos my tummy wouldn't moob. Den dey put me to sweep an oppyrated on my teef. Nextest day I discobbered dat I could chew bedder. So I stawted eatin alla salad I could cos I was rilly hungree. Onct I stawted eatin, den my stomach stawted to werk again an den da pooties stawted comin oud an I could go home.
4. Dadda god his shoulder hurted at werk. Wunna da machines dat werks by compooter broke an Dadda, who unnerstans dees fings cos he issa Engine-Wif-Ears, went to fix it. Dere wassa big pwate ob steel inna way. He wanted da crane machine to moob da steel, bud sumbun was in too big obba hurry an wanted him anna nudder guy jus to moob da pwate an ged werkin on fixin da machine. So Dadda piked uppa steel an moobed it. Dat hurted his shoulder. At furst, he didn fink ennyfing ob it, budda nextest mornin, it hurted more, so he went toda doktor anna doktor yelled at him an sed Dadda wasn't twenty-fibe enny more. Dadda felt preddy stoopid aboud'dat.
5. Denna Mean Man atta Dadda's werk is still twyin to p'tend dat he is smawt when he is berry stoopid (dis issa same man who finked I shuld be inna pot ~footflicks~) an has been harassin Dadda alla'long twied to make it wook wike Dadda had dun sumfing wrongk when he didn. Dis Mean Man tells bad lies. Dis is stoopid.
6. A berry awful fing happened. A nice man atta werk was killed. Dadda was rite dere, fixin da bwokin machine when Pedro (I wike him. He don know whut to fink ob me!) comed runnin ober to ged Dadda to help. Bud it was too wate for ennybun to help. Da Black Rabbit was alreddy dere.
7. Sistah Beffy hadda go back toda Traffik Cort cos she hadda akkydent wast Winter while she was still sik, an she didn know it, bud she didn' hab no in-shur-ance. So she hadda gedda kind ob 'Turney an now she hasta go back toda Cort inna monf. It wassa stoopid Cort, cos da paper dey sent told Maman dey hadda be dere at 5:00 pm. an Maman rushed an god Beffy dere rite onna sekond, bud dere was nobun dere! In fack, nobun showed up till 5:30, an nuffin happined till 6:15! Maman was BERRY 'nnoyed. She sed it shows disrespect for dem to be wate wike dat wiffoud 'pology, bud dat dey do it cossa pwace is arrygant. It usta be justa widdle village wif normal pebbles innit, bud now dat rich pebbles libs dere an id is berry "trendy", dey hab become snotty, Maman sed.
8. Hunny is slowin down. Maman is berry werried aboud him. He didn ebben take ober assa Top Bun when I was inna hospiddle. Clover taked over an wassa Top Bun, which wassa widdle bid obba 'prise to Maman an Dadda, bud not to me. Missy is too young, an Mouse an Luckie habbin't bin heer wong enuf, an Poet just issn't Top Bun Material. Beebe is all mouf an trousers an dis Warren is usta a gurl bun runnin fings now, so Clover handled it well. She jus comed oud an dida rounds wike I do, wookin innu ebberybun's habbytat an seein dat ebberybun was hokay. She told me, doh, dat Hunny is jus geddin slower an slower. He's nod unhappy or hurtin, he's just slow cept when it comes to treats - den he's onna munny an fast as ennyfing, bud odderwise, he's preddy slow. Maman an Dadda are werried a wot.

So dat's preddy much whut has bin goin on an why dere has bin no blog.

Bud, here I am again an I'm geddin fings back to where dey shuld be. I'm off my meddycins now an hab desided dat I shuld onwy be eatin salad alla time. No more pellets. Afta all, if Dr Doolen sed I shuld hab alla salad I want, den I shuld, so I told Maman an Dadda dat I'm not habbin pellets no more. Just salad, twice a day. Dey are 'justin toda idea. Kourse dis means dat Maman hasta go toda sooper mawkit two times inna week to ged enuf Spring Mix to keep my bowl full, bud she'll gedda hang ob it. Now ebberybun wants to go off pellets, an Maman is werried cos she says Dadda don make DAT much munny dat she can 'ford to feed us all Spring Mix alla time, bud I'mma Top Bun.

I am worf it.

Posted by Our Warren at 9:56 AM EDT
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Wednesday, 28 April 2004
Day Elebben / 4th Strand
Today's Blog will feature a panel of bunnies.
Today's Topic will be: TRUTH (Troof)
Today's Recording Journalist: Mouse

CLOVER: Whutsamatta wif Dadda?
BELINDA: He telled da troof.
HUNNY: Dis issa good fing.
CLOVER: He is upset.
BELINDA: Wookit. Ebberbunny shaddup an I'll tell you whut I heered. Dadda gotted his shoulder hurted at werk an Maman taked him toda hoomin V-E-T - dat wuld be Dokter B - an Dokter B wanted Dadda to be able to go to werk, bud not to do a wotta hebby werk at werk. So ebberybun is up-set. An Dadda is mad cossa sumbun finks he's not tellin Da Troof.
BEEBE: Whut?
BELINDA: Not to do a wotta hebby werk. Wif his shoulder. Da Troof. Which pawt aren't you geddin heer?
BEEBE: Whut?
BELINDA: Not do ennyfing bud werk onna 'puter, hokay? Stay inna office. Not go down an fix enny machines dat don werk. Just stay inna chair. No hebby werk. Why am I ebben 'splainin stuff to you? You don werk ebben onna good day, so how kin you unnerstan da consept ob werk?
BEEBE: I werk at enlargin holes in my habbytat. I gotta good one goin just now, which is more'n I kin say for you, Ms Busy-Body.
BELINDA: I'm goin to go to werk on your butt, Beebe-Smart-Mouf-Bunny! Now stop changin da subjek heer. Ennyways, soda peebles atta werk got mad at Dadda cos he gotted hurted an den he telled dem zactly whut happined an now dey are mad. Anna reason he gotted hurted is cossa dem. Cos he tolda troof.
CLOVER: How's that werk, Belinda?
BELINDA: Wike dis: Dis guy's machine didn werk cossa puter wassn't tawkin wiffit. So Dadda went down to see whuttsamatta wiffit. Well, dere was sum steel inna way so he couldn't see whutwassamatta. So Dadda wooked around forda crane to pik uppa steel an moob it, but sumbun else was usin da crane. So he was waidin for da crane, anna'nudder boss comed by an wanted to know whut he's waidin for. He says he's waidin forda crane. Soda udder boss says gedda job done NOW, don be standin aroun, wastin time. So Dadda piked uppa steel an moobed it, an hurted his shoulder. Bud he didn fink ennyfing ob it, cos he's not so young as he usta be. So he went home anna nextest day, his shoulder hurted bad, so he went toda dokter, which is Doktor B who he allus goes to. So Dokter B wooks atta shoulder an says, "You spwained da shoulder an pinched a nerb." So he writes dat inna note dat he sends to Dadda's werk. Now ebberybun atta werk is mad at Dadda.
CLOVER: Why?
HUNNY: Who is mad?
BELINDA: Well, da guy who told him to moob da steel is mad cos he said dat Dadda wooked fine onna day he moobed da steel. Anna'nudder guy is mad cos he sed Dadda shuldn't hab gone to Dokter B, bud to sum odder dokter atta Clinic sumplace. Anna'udder guy is mad cos Dokter B sed Dadda shuldn't do enny hebby werk. An dey all sed Dadda is not tellin da Troof, bud dey can't figger oud where. Budda fing is dis: Dadda went toda Clinic pwace wike dey wanted anna docter atta Clinic pwace sed da same fing was wrong as Dokter B sed is wrong. So peebles are ebben madder now.
HUNNY: Why didn't Dadda go toda clinic pwace furst?
BELINDA: Cos he wasn' gonna cost da compiny enny munnies. He was jus gonna pay Dokter B an dat wuld be dat. Cos wunna da guys dat is mad is mad cos he sed dat too menny peebles is goin toda Clinic, an now he is mad cos Dadda didn go toda Clinic.
CLOVER: Stupid.
BELINDA: Whut I don unnerstan is why suddenwy ebberybunny wants to hear Dadda tell da "troof" an den when dey heer it, dey say da troof issa wie. He has nebber wied to dem bifore, so why wuld he now?
BEEBE: Do dey want him to wie?
HUNNY: Hoomins say dey hate wies, bud dey all run aroun sayin dat ebberyone tells dem wies alla time. So how do dey know a wie frumma troof?
CLOVER: Whut's it ged Dadda to wie?
BELINDA: Nuffin.
CLOVER: Whut's it ged Dadda to tell da troof?
BELINDA: Nuffin more.
CLOVER: Den whutsamatta wif dees peebles?
MOUSE: Do you know what I think, most esteemed friends?
BELINDA: No, bud I expect you're gonna tell us.
MOUSE: I think that these people have lied all of their lives and expect that everyone else will lie to them. They simply cannot imagine anyone who tells the truth because they, themselves, are incapable of telling the truth. Is it not the thief who always expects to be robbed? Thus then is the liar always suspicious that whomever he meets is deceitful as well. These people aren't angry because Dadda is telling the Truth, they are angry because he has pointed out that they are without honour or intelligence. The man who complains that too many people go to the Clinic over trivial injuries has only himself to blame that Dadda did not go because he did not believe the injury was serious enough to warrant treatment. The man who insisted that he "get on" with moving the steel without waiting for the crane is angry because it points out that he is unintelligent for issuing a possibly dangerous direct order and wishes to conceal his stupidity. The Truth of what happened to Dadda is not of itself of any importance, what is important is that these people care more for their self-image than they do about others. And chances are that they will lie when they report this to anyone higher up than themselves - because at all costs, they must make themselves look good in other peeble's eyes.
BELINDA: So ebben if Dadda is tellin da troof, no wun will belieb him.
MOUSE: No. Because The Truth for those people is always subjective. They believe no one anyway - not their wives, not their children, not their friends, not their employers, not themselves. Truth doesn't matter; Image is everything.
BELINDA: It must suck to be dem!
MOUSE: "A lie can circle the globe before The Truth" can even get it's boots on."
CLOVER: Terry Pratchett.
BEEBE: Who?
HUNNY: He writes good buks to digest. Cept don tell Maman. She gets excited when you digest her best buks. Stick to hay. I hab sum here if ennybun would like to snack...
BELINDA: All I got was stems wast nite an dis mornin.
BEEBE: The bin is gettin empty.
CLOVER: Truth is facts; image is illusions.
MOUSE: It's a shame about peeble and The Truth.
BELINDA: In most ways, it's a shame aboud peeble. An dey fink dey're atta top obba Annymal Kingdom, too. Dat's a waf.
MOUSE: Another lie they tell to themselves...
HUNNY:...and den habba nap. Fings always wook bedder afta a nap, I allus say...

Posted by Our Warren at 10:41 AM EDT
Tuesday, 27 April 2004
Day Ten / 4th Strand
Most Welcomed Guests. I am Mouse, still here, keeping up the honourable Elder, Miss Belinda's, Blog.

The Honourable Miss Belinda is consuming salad just now. In fact, she is consuming all the salad she can get and has asked out dear Maman for more. And more. And more. She is asking for so much salad that dear Maman is going to ask the wonderful and much esteemed Healer, Dr Doolen, if she should give into the Honourable Miss Belinda's demands for constant, never-ending handouts of salad. It is a wonder to me that there is so much salad in the world!

The most honourable Elder Miss Belinda is, not to put too fine a point on it, very insistent with her demands. To not hand it over is in her beautiful eyes, a crime punishable by the giving of the Royal Bunny Butt on every possibly occasion. Consequently, she has her face turned into the corner more or less ALL OF THE TIME! A permanent state of *SNIT*.

Last night brought about two interesting events.

First, I was visited by the Honourable Miss Clover Bun.

Miss Clover is quiet. She does not speak a great deal. This is a consequence of being bonded to the ever-speaking Beebe-Bunny. Sliding in a word in the company of Beebe-Bunny is possible only when he pauses to draw breath. And then one must be very quick. Miss Clover has become adept at sliding in words into pauses. With one word, she can express more than most rabbits can in whole pre-written speeches.

I met her when her head appeared at my door.

"You are?"

"Mouse."

"You are?"

"Happy on the whole. Might I invite you to be snuffled that we might,"

And thereupon, her head vanished, only to reappear again, ears turned sidewise.

"Papaya treats comin. Hab as menny as y'want. Don bite Dadda. His shulder hurts. Maman's gibbin hay. Don shout ad Hunny. He don feel gud. 'Nite."

And she was gone. And then she was back.

"Nice t'meet'cha."

And she was gone again.

Which was remarkable when one considers that previously I have only ever met Clover in the company of Beebe and then she was a most silent, dignified rabbit of a calm, matronly persuasion. Indeed, were I a youngbun without friend or family, I should find myself willingly cuddled up to her warm and motherly side.

From which, were I a small youngbun, I would be chased by Beebe who is a Tiny Terror, or wishes to be known as such. He is, as he never tires of telling us, in some alternate reality known only to himself, "A Very Big Rabbit".

The other unique occurrence of the night was the appearance of Missy-Bun, a large and most attractive youngbun of the California type. Missy is Bunderful! She is quite breathtaking in her ample softness. And yet, with perfect innocence she does not seem to realise how lovely she is. Big feets, little loppy ears, large eyes, a luxurious loppy crown, and generous dewlap, all perfectly coloured in neat California black-and-white, she is a most fetching bunny. Her sweet nature accentuates her beauty.

And last night, she appeared at my habitat door.

"Um, Mouse?"

"Yes, My Beauty?"

"Um, hi."

"Hello."

"Er, Hiya. Got Craisins?"

"Will you come in, dear lady?"

"Got papaya tablets?"

"I have beautiful hay, which pales by comparison to your luminous eyes."

"Yeah, well, thanks. Um. Hi."

"Hello, Gorgeous."

"Um. Gotta go! Bye!"

A uniquely disappointing turn of events. Perhaps our dearest Maman will permit Missy-Bun to return to visit with your most humble Mouse this evening. Even better should I be permitted out to visit with her!

I have not understood this "Bonding" of which our Maman speaks so highly. Seeing as how Hunny and Beebe live so contentedly full time with their sweet-natured does, perhaps I shall consider also sharing my habitat full-time with a doe. Missy-Bun would grace the life of any single bun who finds himself adrift in life without a warm snuggle. I have not given this much previous thought.

Perhaps I should.

As always, most esteemed Guest, I remain, most thoughtfully,
Your most humble
Mouse

Posted by Our Warren at 9:39 AM EDT
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Monday, 26 April 2004
Day Nine / 4th Strand
It is Mouse here yet again.

This is much harder than I thought it would be. To have something of note to say every day is not easy. One speaks and thinks throughout the day, but most of it is nothing worthy of being written down.

I said I would tell you how I learned to speak and why it is so much different to the way the others here speak.

This is a strange place to me. All of the hoomins here have very white skin, that is unusual. I live in a room with all other bunnies and not just in the house, free. I cannot eat sweet things from a big box while I sit on the settee watching tellyvision with my Person as I did before. This house has no smells I am used to.

I am not complaining. It is not in my nature to complain about what is given to me. I am very glad to be here. Before I was here, I had not met other bunnies and did not know what it was like to have others of my own kind to be part of my Group. But life here is different from the life that I knew before.

Before I knew about a place called "Liberia". My person came from there. We listened to music that came from Liberia, and I smelled cooking food and species that came from that place. The people, his friends, who came from there had dark skin and talked in another language. I learned to hear their words before I learned these words.

I liked Liberia-in-America. Now I am in England-in-America, according to our Elder, Miss Belinda Bunny. Things are very different. The way that they speak is different, as is the way that they do everything. It is sometimes hard for me to accept that my life has changed.

I didn't want it to change. My person didn't want my life to change either, but his woman made it change. She was going to have something called a "baby" and she said that she couldn't have "rabbits" around the "baby". I do not understand why that is so, but she made it so. I was taken away sadly with Luckie. Then suddenly, we were brought here. And we were left here. And here we remain.

I cannot forget Liberia-in-America. It was my place for six years. It was how I lived with sweet treats out of a box and a tellyvision and the whole house. Now it is treats that are different and other bunnies who are funny and kind and a silly Maman and the Bun Room with toys.

Sometimes I do not understand everything. Sometimes I want my old life back. And then sometimes, I am very happy with my new life but do not know how I am to fit into it. How does one fit into a new world with an Elder like Miss Belinda Bunny in it? How does one get to know a wise, old bunny like the Ancient Hunny? I know my own Lore, but I have a lot of Lore that I must learn here, to become a part of this place. How can I learn everything there is to know and still be Mouse?

But I am Mouse. I will stay Mouse. I am the little Mouse who wishes to have the house and who wishes to know, to see, to learn. All of the things that I find will not change Mouse, they will add to Mouse and Mouse will grow into a very wise and respected Elder Bunny. But I have to keep reminding Mouse that this will not happen overnight, that Mouse must be like a forest creature and be patient and learn. Sometimes this is hard.

So that is the story of me, Mouse.

Therefore, I remain
Most Humbly
Mouse

Posted by Our Warren at 8:10 AM EDT
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Saturday, 24 April 2004
Day Eight / 4th Strand
I offer to you my deepest apologies for not typing yesterday's entry in this, Miss Belinda's most wonderful, Blog. It was my intention to honour her by keeping it up during her ab-since, but being new to what she has called "The Blogging Experience", I made a mistake in Time - not taking what was offered to me by Our Maman and sleeping when, perhaps, I should have been typing to honour Miss Belinda who is Our most respected Top Bun.

I shall today try to Make Up for my not getting it right.

I am most pleased to report that Miss Belinda, most gracious and wonderful Elder of Our Warren, returned last night from the care and keeping of the most excellent Dr Doolen, the Healer.

She has come back in her carrier, with her Special Blankie, as is indeed correct for one of her high status. I will try to report what she has related of her journey thus far:

"Wemme tell you, it rained on us. Furst dere was wun dwop an Maman sed 'Uh oh', an den dere wassa big fwash an den I dunno whut happined on account obbit bein nite outsidda car an bein dark inside. Bud alla sudden it's wike sumbun is pourin a whole tankfulla wadder onna car. So Maman shrieked, an I feeled us slow rite down an den da rain was poundin onna car so hard dat I felt wike I was sittin inside obba drum or sumfing. I culd hardly hear myself fink!

"So ob course, I stands up to habba wook outta da carrier, an Maman's holdin ontoda steerin fingie wif bof hands wike grim deaf, an Dadda's dere peerin outta da winder wike he can see fru a solid sheet ob wadder. An den an Maman's wike, 'Hey! Where's sa road!?' An I'm finkin, 'Wady, if you don know where'da road is, we are in BIG Trubble!'

"So were goin slower an slower an Maman's geddin more an more skeert, an da rain is geddin louder an louder anna car-wheels sound wike we is ploughin fru a ribber. Den she squeaks to Dadda, 'Where's da fwashers?' an she an Dadda are fumblin aroun, pattin da steerin fingy all ober an Dadda sed sumfing boud 'Murrican cars shuld be 'standard-dized' an Maman's jus sqeekin wike she's got her hed stuck in sumfing. Anna rain is pourin down wike funder. It's wike habbin a 'Water World' 'Musement Ride wiffoud ennyfing 'musin goin on.

"An den, if you can `magin it, da rain geds wouder. An Maman pulls ober toda side obba road, an by now da rain is so woud dat she's screamin at Dadda so he kin hear her, 'No! I kin still dribe, it's just too much rain!' an he's wike, 'Will you gib ober, gurl! I'm not goin to dribe. I'd drown geddin toda driber's seat!' So dere shoutin at each udder and I'm finkin, 'Dis sucks.'

"An den da rain wets uppa widdle an Maman hassa wook inna mirror-fing an pulls back onna highway again. Anna winder-wipers are goin ninty-six toda duzzin an da car is wightin up ebbery now an den frum somefing oudside an Maman's tawkin toda car, tellin it to 'Come on, Car', which is preddy stoopid, cos she's inna car an it issn going ennywhere's wiffoud her.

"So we keeps on goin an Maman yells back to me, 'Hold on, Belinda!' an I'm finkin, 'Yeah, wike I gots sumfing else I kin do back here.' an den Dadda yells back an axts me, 'How you doin, Belle?' an I'm wike, 'Whuddaya mean, how am I doin? Whut'chu 'spect? I'm preddy choice-wess back here wiffouda a steerin fingy anna pedals. Jus keep Maman goin until we is home. Ya fink you kin dodat?' I mean, geez!

"So we keeps on dribin an afta awhile anna wotta turns dat almost tips me ober, cos I can't wie down wif alla dat noise goin on, we pulls innu a dribeway. An I know its a dribeway cos I kin feel da bounce, bud I also know it's nod OUR dribeway cos itsa wrong bounce, an guess whut happins den? We're nod home - we're pikin up Sistah anna stoopid puppy, Cody! Noboddy axted me abouddit, bud here we are. Well, dat was all I needed! So I just peed rite dere, cos I was rilly 'noyed - furst I'm inna hospiddle habbin salad an raspyberries, an den when I am just settled down to go to sweep I gots to go home inna almost-nite, den I'm almost drownded onna way, an now here'sa stoopid dawg twyin to snuffle me in my carrier! I'm twellin you, it's just bin wun indiggity afta anuudder.

"Don ged me wrong, I'm gwad I is home an ebberyfing, bud you kin go on an keep doin da Blog, cos fwankly, I needa west. I hab had it wif *ebberyfing* for awhile. An oh geez, here comes Maman wif meddycin! Dis is all I need!"

So Our Warren is now back together as it should be. Our Elder Miss Belinda is in her rightful place in her habbytat and for her esteemed honour, I will continue to keep her Blog. This is my duty to her for permitting me to become part of her Group. Ancient Hunny, most wise and experienced among us, has also given me permission to continue to express the observations and opinions of the bunnies living here. I feel honoured by their trust as is reposed in me.

Tomorrow Miss Clover has suggested that I explain the difference in my manner of talking as opposed to Miss Belinda's. It is odd to me to hear that all rabbits do not speak alike, however, there is good reason for it, as was explained to me by Ancient Hunny, from whom all wisdom seems to arise. How much we owe to the wonderful Elder rabbits among us!

Until tomorrow, then, I remain,
most humbly
Mouse

Posted by Our Warren at 11:56 AM EDT
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Thursday, 22 April 2004
Day Sebben / 4th Strand - Mouse
Hello to everybunny.

My name is Mouse.

Before I contribute to this most important and accomplished of Blogs, I should like to take this moment to bid your prayers and best of thoughts for the good health and continued long life of the most wise and generous Elder of Our Group, Miss Belinda Bunny.

Miss Belinda is now in "Hospiddle". I am new to this Group and do not completely have understanding of this "hospiddle" place, but according to our Ancient Elder, Hunny, a very wise and Old Rabbit of many seasons, it is a place of great healing.

Miss Belinda is very ill. Her body has been attacked by a great Ememy that is called "Stasis" and Our Maman, who is our wonderful lady, has driven her in the "car" to this place of healing that is very far away so that Miss Belinda may come under the influence of the very great and powerful Dr Doolen, whom only Ancient Hunny and Elder Belinda have met. Dr Doolen has the "meddysins" to defeat this enemy, Stasis, and to make Miss Belinda well and happy again.

But while Miss Belinda is not here, I am taking over for her this Blog. Ancient Hunny says that he is too old to type every day. Mistress Poet agrees with him. Miss Missy says that she has no desire to type every day. Miss Clover and Mr Beebe ask for me to please say "YO" on their behalf, but really have nothing they care to add, except that Miss Clover sends her love to a very special hoomin whose name is, I believe, "Auntie Gwace". Luckie and I would like to send our love to our former Dadda who was so kind as to allow us to come here when our place with him became impossible. We are liking having computers, playtime, habitats, treats and friends.

As I said, my name is Mouse. I am a small, uppy-eared bunny. Until I came here, I did not realise that I was small. That I am not as large as I had thought has been a revelation to me. I had previously thought of myself as rather typical in size. This was, of course, because I had not seen other bunnies with the exception of Luckie who is about the same size as myself. Now I see that I am not physically as big as some bunnies, but I have a great heart.

How big you appear in this world is nothing compared to how big your spirit is within you. This is where your true size is measured.

I have learned many things since I have come here, both about humans and about bunnies. I hope to share some of these new enlightenments with you while I tend to Miss Belinda's Blog during her awayness.

It is my duty to tend to this, her Blog, for her. She has taken great pleasure in being the proud owner of this thing, so for her honour, I will tend it for her. She and I do not always see things in the same way, this is true, and we did contend mightily for certain things when I was first come to be a part of this Group. Mostly this was because I Did Not Know, but I have learned much since then. I am not sorry that I disputed with her, for without struggle, one cannot grow.

A plant does not easily push aside the soil to reach the sun. The greater the struggle, the stronger the stem.

So it has been with me. I have struggled with Miss Belinda and grown strong because of her. To thank her for giving me this strength, I will tend her cherished Blog while she is off with this Dr Doolen hoomin, engaged in her struggle with her Enemy, Stasis.

I am going to send her the strength of my thoughts now, so that she will have this strength to assist her in her struggle to be well. I hope that you will join me.

I am, most humbly,
Mouse

Posted by Our Warren at 9:46 AM EDT
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Monday, 19 April 2004
Day Six / 4th Strand
Well, dis sucks.

Wast nite, I onwy ate wun Craisin an did wun pootie, so Maman sed I habba go toda V-E-T tiday.

So dis issa Pubwick Serbice Announcemint: Bunnies don't oftin show dat dey are sick, so if you habba bunny an da bunny issn actin wike it normally does, DON WAIT - GO TO DA V-E-T RITE AWAY!

Bunnies allus hide dere not feelin well. Dis is cos we are prey annymals, used to bein preyed upon by udders, an showin weakness - enny weakness - is fatal. So we hab debeloped a "instinctib response" to hide ennyfing dat's wrong wif us. Dat's why it sumtimes wooks wike dere's nuffin wrong wif us when rilly, dere is. Nod eatin, or nod doin pooties is berry serious an bunnies shuld be seen by a professhunal wifin 24 hours ob notisin enny change ob eatin or poopin habits.

Bemember, we can't ged to da V-E-Ts on our Own! We is dependin on our bunny-parents to take us. We is dependin on you, who gibs us a home to take responsibility to care for us. We gib you lub an accept you as you is. We is libbin in YOUR world - dat weast you can do for us is to take care ob our health.

Sumtimes Maman hears aboud dis or dat "Signifigant Odder" or a husband or wife dat says, "No takin da bunny toda vet."

Dis is cruel.

If da person were sick, dey would go to da doctor or da hospiddle.

So whut issit aboudda bunny's life dat makes it worf wess den da hoomin life?

Who assigns dollar values to a life?

Hoomins don' gib life. Dey don know how. Bud I hear obba wotta hoomins who take life away, or who descide who libs or who dies, or who assigns how much munny one life is worth ober anudder.

Who gibs one person or anudder dis power?

Issit right for one person to hab dat kinda power ober anudder?

Maman finks not. When sumone once told her dat she culdn't take a bunny toda V-E-T, she telled dem where to go. It was her first AckT ob Rebellion.

Dis is cos she can't see da diff'rence in Life. She says dat Life is Life, dat it is alla same Gift, da same Spark dat libs in alla fings dat are alibe. She says dat until hoomins can gib Life, dey hab no business in takin it away.

She also sed dat dis geds complykated a number ob ways dat she sed I don unnerstan, bud dat when it comes to annymals, wike bunnies, an dogs an ebben catz dat lib as companion annymals becos hoomins hab acksepted responsibility for dem, den dere is no way dat hoomins kin claim dat da annymal life is in enny way diff'runt frumma hoomin life in kind or value.

She says if you don wanna V-E-T bill, don habba pet. She sed it's a wot wike habbin skin-kids - if you don wanna habba responsibil'ty, den don habba kidwets.

So here I am, waidin to go toda V-E-T. No doubt I'm gonna habba my temp'rachur takin, an my insides felt. I won't wike it. I'll prob'ly habba hab medycin, wike Hunny, but I'm nod gonna be good aboud takin it wike he is. Since I know dis V-E-T an I wike her, I prob'ly won't pee on her.

Bud I'm gonna hab to go. Maman sed so.

Wike I sed inna beginnin, dis sucks.

Posted by Our Warren at 10:58 AM EDT
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