Day Fifteen / Third Strand
Hokay, I've had it!
Dere issa DAWG inna houz! An it's stoopid on top ob ebberyfing.
Happined wike dis: Sistah Beffy wented onna bay-kay-shun an axted Maman an Dadda to watch her stoopid puppy, Cody. Cody issa 6 monf old Shiba Innu (which means dat its innu ebberyfing!) or sumfing - Japanese bird dawg - aboudda size obba big rock an just aboud as dense.
Dis dawg issn wike Zachary-Marcus, da Border Collie who comes heer to stay sumtimes. Now Zach an I habba 'Greemint - he don snuzzle me wif dat huge, wet collie nose an I don bite it. An dis werks for us. We are bof bwack an white, we bof beat up onna catz, an we can snuggle, bud dis Shiba Innu fing - NO WAY!
It's young. It don't wisten. It yaps. It chews rubbish. It don god no manners. It needs to go to Good Dawg School RILLY bad!
An I'm stuck heer inna Bun Room cos Maman sed she can't twust da dawg wif me. I want it oudda heer. I habbin't had enny sweep since it camed heer an dat was wast nite.
Jus afta Maman an Dadda went to bed, Cokie-da-Fat-Cat comed toda Bun Room door an axted - AXTED - to come in! Can you belieb dat? An dat's ebbin wif Missy tearin out mouf-fulls ob cat-fuzz ebbery chance she geds! Bud Cokie sed he'd had enuf alreddy an wanted to sleep wif us where da dawg wassn.
Seems dat KayCee, da widdle kitty, was all uppindaayre cos she hates da dawg, an was in Maman an Dadda's room where Maman an Dadda had tied uppa dawg toda bed so dey could all sleep. Well, KayCee ushually don sleep in dere bed - Cokie does, bud KayCee decided she was goin ta be in dere so she culd Make A Point.
Hebben help us when catz stawt Makin Points. *geez*
Ennyway, dere was Cody onna floor an KayCee was onna bed an Maman an Dadda was inna bed. An I culd hear KayCee growlin. Nebber knew a cat who culd growl for so wong! She jus kept growlin an ebbery now an den, it sounded wike sumbun letta air outta her, wike steam escapin frumma pipe. She was talkin unbeliebable stuff to dat dawg!
Den da dawg, Cody, wuld yap. Den Maman wuld tell da dawg to be quiet. Den dere wuld be more growlin. Den more yappin. Den Dadda god innu it. Denna dawg godda smack, god offended an here comes Maman, carryin KayCee oud innu da hallway. An as soon as Maman pud her down, KayCee was rite back inna bedroom, growlin atta dawg.
Den KayCee climbed up Maman's side obba bed (still growlin) an Maman pikked her up agin an dodged da dawg an sed KayCee down inna hallway again.
Anna dawg yipped.
An Dadda told'da dawg to be quiet.
An den back KayCee went innu da bedroom.
Well, dis went on fora while, an Cokie's heer siddin by da Bun Room door, an waidin for me to wet him in. An Missy's frowin her toys aroun, an struttin, wike, "Yeah, you're comin in heer, Fat-Cat an I'm takin you out." Which sort ob god Mouse fumpin, cos he has no cloo whut's happin, which got Beebe fumpin, cos he's allus up for enny sorta fight cos he's a Wegend In His Own Mind.
So now dere are catz growlin, da dawg yippin, bunnies fumpin an frowin toys an Dadda's stawtin to growl an Maman is carryin catz back an forf toda hallway.
An I'm finkin, "Dis is gonna get good preddy soon."
An, ob course, it did.
KayCee was talkin bad fings, da dawg was unner da bed, an den I guess KayCee reached down an took a swipe atta dawg butt. Now KayCee issa sneaky cat. When Cokie goes to hit sumwun, he hits - big, ol' fat-cat paw wide opin, aboudda size obba soup-pwate comin at'tchoo. Bud KayCee is widdle an she gots widdle paws wif needle-claws an she stuck da dawg inna butt.
Da dawg musta gone aboud three feets inna air anna bed is aboud two foots high, so da udder foot musta hit Dadda inna butt - cos alla sudden, KayCee comed flyin outta dat room, all four paws inna air, screamin wike a rockit an wands, rightside up, inna laundry bin. Den nextest comes Maman, frowin on her bafrobe, an den Cokie pops up from next to our door wike, "Ooops!" an scurries off downnastairs, wif KayCee right on his tail.
Den I see whut da mass exydos is aboud... Dadda inna Bafrobe. An he is angry.
Da dawg is onna string, an da dawg is goin downnastairs, too.
Dawg goes inna kitchin. Door slams.
Catz zoom uppastairs an skatter.
Pound. Pound. Pound.
Feets onna stairs. Hunny (who is good at vibrashuns cos he can't hear a fing) says dat its Maman an Dadda an don mess wiff'em.
Bud Beebe is stoopid an he's gnawin on his habbytat cos he wants ta ged oud an see whut's goin on.
On comes da Bun Room wight.
So I'm siddin dere, bwinkin, an Mouse fumps.
An Dadda wooks aroun an goes, "An dat will be enuf outta you buggers, too."
An you kin heer da siwence, fallin wike a widdle, fin curtain, ober da whole houz...
Den da wight snaps oud agin an Maman an Dadda ged back innu da bed, an I heer Dadda say, "I am too old for dis. We shuld stick wif rabbits."
Which is troo.
Posted by Our Warren
at 8:15 AM EST