Day Sebben'teen / Sekond Strand
Maman sed dat ebberywun shuld habba Cokie-da-Fat-Cat. I dunno. When you fink abouddit, who else wuld want 40 lbs ob dark-chocowat fur, razor talons an bug-eyes? Did I menshun it don come wiffa bwain? Well, it don. It has been known to rent wun on okkayshun, bud it don hab wun perminentwy installed.
Cokie was resqued by Sistah Beffy. Dis issa same Sistah dat fortygedded aboud us while Maman an Dadda were onna Bay-Kay-Shun on Balentine's Weekend. Jus so you know da kind ob peebles we're deelin wif, heer.
So da Sistah resqued Cokie, who wassa small kitten den, an she named him Coco-Bean, cos he wooked wika teensy-tiny widdle bean wif wegs. I unnerstan dat he wuz cute den.
Yeah, well, dere is no 'kountin fur folks, as Maman is always sayin, which means dat no madder how cwazy da 'pinion, sumbun is wikwy to hold it.
So wun day, Sistah comes heer wiff dis cat an tells Maman datta kitty wants to come to bisit his "Gwanmom". An Cokie comes uppystairs to see me an tells me dat his wife sucks. He's godda share da food bowl anna wadder bowl an he needs more room, an alla das stuff. So, I pwetend dat I'm sympafetik, cos he'sa guest an I'm powite.
Den I heer Sistah say, "Oh, well, I didn't meen dat he's comin for a bisit. I meen dat he needs to lib heer."
An jus wike dat, we hab dis cat!
Well, we alweddy got KayCee Kitty which bewongs toda Lad. An she issa almighty noosince, bud at weast she stays outta da Bun Room. An ennyways, she is small. I kin deel wif small. Bud dis Cokie is wike a hulkin Goodyeer Blimp loomin on my horizon. An he is loomin.
In fack, dat's mostwy whut he does. He looms. He comes uppystairs an looms outsidda Bun Room, lookin in. He looms inna hallway. He looms atta toppobbastairs. He looms all ober da pwace. Just looms wif dos big yellow eyes wookin all puzzled, axtin, "How come you bunnies godda food an I don?"
Well, dat's a no-bwainer. We godda food cos we don eet id all at onct. We eet a widdle now, den a widdle waider, an den we eet sum hay. Bud Cokie eets alla food at wun go an den wunners where its all gone. Da idea ob "cause an effeck" is wost on dis cat.
So wun day, Maman weft da door opin toda Bun Room, anna door opin to my habbytat. I haddn't boddered goin oud yet, cos I wuz bizzy fixin my bwankie (an you know dat takes time), so da door was jus dere, opin. Dis is ushually no big deel.
Den heer comes Cokie. An he don fink (cos he don habba bwain), he jus comes walkin rite innu my habbytat wike he owns it!
So I rush at'tim wif my ears down. An he stops, an his eyes ged big an he wooks at me wike, "Whaaad?"
An I'm wike, "You, Stoopid Cat, ged oud. Dis is mine."
An he's wike, "Whaaad?"
So I grunt.
An he's standin dere, wif eyes da size ob saucers, starin ad me. So I stare him back. Afta all, dis is my habbytat he's jus walkin innu.
So afta a minute, he bwinks an sees my food cwock. Now I am no pellet-pig. I onwy eet when I am hongree, so ob course my cwock has pellets innit. An dis cat does no more den go ober to my cwock an stick his big fuzzy hed innu my cwock!
So I backed up, lowered my hed, got my feets goin and WHAM! Smacked dat sucker amidships.
I dissypeered rite up to my shoulders. I'm tellin you, it wuz DARK in dere! Dere issa wotta fat aroun da middle obba fat-cat an I fink I went rite fru to da udder side bifore da whole fink bounced back wike a big ol rubber ball.
I shot bak wun way anna Cokie-cat shot da udder. I slammed innu da back obba habbytat, an as I untangled myself, I wuz just in time to see him bounce ober da side obba habbytat an roll past da Bun Gate innu da hallway. He fetched uppygainst da side obba wandry hamper inna furry heep.
An he hassn bin bak to bisit in my habbytat since. He comes toda doorway an wooks in an looms wiff his big, round eyes peerin, an stuff, bud he don come in.
Cos sum fings aroun heer are jus "mine", you know? An I DON needa 40 lb. fat cat, fank you!
Posted by Our Warren
at 10:29 AM EST