Now Playing: A Dawg's Pwace & Howta Put Him/Her Dere
Topic: Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit
Good mornin, HouzBuns. Dis is Missy-Bun.
Since George has bin slackin off typin dis Blog fing, I thought it wuld be good if I hopped up heer an stawted typin sum'obba stuff dat I hab lerned ober da yeers bein a houz-bunny. Impawtin Wizdom to Youngbuns issa 'portant pawt ob bein a 'Tellygint Rabbit. Belinda teached me dat, an I intend to carry on wiffit.
Now wet's ged wun fing straight: I'm frum Noo Yawk. We're tawkin fast-track, bwight-wights, big-citty. Dis issn't gonna be a primmer for noobs an slow-pokes. You godda be tough, you godda be smawt, an you godda be quick.
We're Urban Houzbunnies, savvy buns moobin innu da Footchur. We are on-wine, connekted an in-touch. We are soshully responsible an we are environmentally aware. We ain't'chur grandbuns' "pockit pet" an we don cower out-ob-doors in hutches, waidin for some kinda Hell - we hab moobed innadoors an we WIKE it!
Da furst pawt ob my series on Libbin Assa Urban Rabbit is deboted to A Dawg's Pwace an Howta Put Him/Her Dere.
Dawgs are by far da most numerous houz-pet. I dunno why. Dey are smelly, noisy an dey allus want sumfing you hab. Dey are also allus in your biznezz.
Frum yeers an yeers ob bein inna Houz, dawgs tend to fink dat dey own it all. Dis incloods you. Dis is cos dawgs fink globally. Dey tend to wook around demselbs an fink: It's all mine.
Id issa popular misconception dey harbour. Cos we are bunnies we know, wiffoud rezzyvashuns or hezzytashuns, dat we belong toda Warren, wiffa same rites an pribbeliges as ebberybun else. We do nod bewong to sum stoopit dawg.
I reesentwy herd frumma'nudder bunny datta dawg had stolen his tweat - a pear (or pair, or pare. Spellin is wunna dose fluid fings. Pwease twy to keep up.)
Now we heer at Our Warren we are berry sowwy to heer dat our friend wost a perfektly good pare (or pear, or pair) toda stoopit dawg.
Yes, sadwy, whenna hoomins do not watch, sumtimes, dis will happen whin dawgs ged uppity. Howebber, dawgs an catz must wearn dere pwace inna Warren higher-archy, an dere pwace happins to be atta bottom.
Belinda Bunny, our belubbed Top Bunny an Inkwish Spot who weft us forda Raibow Bridge, taught me alla stuff I needed to know aboud protektin whut's ours, an now I will pass it on to alla you. So wisten up.
We heer at Our Warren gots a stoopit Border Collie dawg named Marc (or Mark, dunno which). He is bwack an white wike me. Belinda god him part-twained bifore she weft forda Rainbow Bridge, so he knows dat snufflin bunnies is nod allowed. An bein bwighter den most dawgs, dis Border Collie also hassa emmagynashun. Dis is cos he has 'sperienced Belinda.
Now Belinda allus sed twainin dawgs is alla aboud Timmy-Dayshun. It's not whut dey know you kin do, bud more wike whut dey fink you mite do to dem dat keeps dem in wine. Dis is cos most dawgs hab an emmagynashun in dat ebben if dey don see or feel you doin sumfing to dem, dey can still gedda preddy good idea ob whut it's gonna be wike if you do do it to dem.
So whutta dawg werries aboud most is his nose. Dat's rite - da nose. Dis is mainly becus a dawg nose is wike a Dawg Guidance System. Take outta Guidence System anna dawg has no idea whut's goin on or whut's comin up next. Anna perfect fing is, datta whole Dawg Guidence System is hanging rite oud dere inna frunt obba whole dawg - an dawgs is basikly not god enny protekshun onna frunt end, but dat frunt end is whut guides da rest obba whole dawg.
So wet's say da Dawg has showed up jus whin your mawmie has gibbin you a tweat, wike whin our friend god his pear (or pair, or pare). An ob course, seein datta bunny has godda tweat, da Dawg 'sooms datta tweat is his/hers (cos dats whut dawgs do.)
Soda Dawg comes for your pear (or pare, or pair). You growl to show Intent. Dat's da Furst Step in Dealin Wif Dawgs: Show Intent. Don' be shy abouddit, cos dawgs don unnerstand or respek "shy", an afterall, dis is your tweat! Id was gibbin to you.
Now whut dawgs respek is strength. So you just shout it out: "Wookit, stoopit! *fump* Dis is my pare!" (don't add da udder bits aboudda "pair or pear" cos wif dawgs, you godda keep it simple.).
If da dawg don't gedda message (an chances are, da dawg won't cos dey rilly *are* stoopit), lunge. Anna dawg will pwobably keep on comin. I know Mark (or Marc) did when Belinda did dis to him. Nod getting da message issa dawg specialty.
So now you're down toda crunch time, an I'm nod kiddin. You godda get your timin rite heer an only hextperience is gonna teach you, but take your time, zero in onna nose - you'll find it's a preddy big target when it's comin at'choo - an stand your gwound. An den, just whenna dawg is aboud to gwab your snak - bang - you bite-release onna nose!
Now, bemember - bite-release. Don't just bite. If you jus bite and hold on, wike our Beebe-Bunny!! you can wind up upinnair wif all four paws offa gwound. Dis will put you atta auty-o-matic tactikle disadbantage. You gotta bite-release an keep alla paws onna gwound!
Now bemember dis, cos you're gonna need all four paws onna gwound if you needa go to Stage Two. An Stage Two issa a 180-Bink-Wif-Back-Kick-Toda-Nose, preferrably landed wif two back feets onna target, which is wunce agin, da Nose. Bud dis issa berry adbanced maneuber dat you habba be reel shure you kin land before you tries it. Pracktice it durin Bunny 500 games by habbin runs arounna walls an bouncin offa furnitchur. Your mawmies an daddas will fink you're bein cute bud onwy you enny obserbant Dawg will know dat you're practissin a high-speed martial-arts drill wif him assa intended target. If he'ssa relatibly switched on dawg, he'll gedda message.
Ushually, da Bite-Release Toda Nose will gib da dawg de idea dat whutebber you got is yours. Most dawgs will go away an compwain to Maman 'boudda nose hurtin. Den dey will aboid bunnies for awhile, but you kin bet dey will be back sayin dey wanna be friends. Now in Marc's (or Mark's) case, dis has preddy much werked, cos all he rilly wants to do is herd us, bud as Belinda told me, "Keep an eye on dis, cos we can't be habbin wif dis."
Oh, an wun obber fing - Maman is allus soopervizin da dawg. She sed dis is nessessarry cos dawgs shuld NEBBER be weft awone wif rabbits, NOT EBBER. In udder werds, I hab compweat permission to beet (or beat) da pooties outta da dawg, but he can't beet (or beat) on me. An Maman sed dat dissis fair, cossa whut Belinda told Marc (or Mark) inna beginnin: "Whut's your's is mine an whut's mine's me own." (She wearned dat frum hearin Dadda tawk in British Inkwish).
I hope dis helps alla you houzbunnies wearn to cope wif Stoopit Dawgs. Just bemember - an it'ssa Furst Admendmint inna Bunny Bill ob Rites - DA BUNNY IS ALLUS RITE!