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Monday, 28 June 2004
Day Twelbe / Sixth Strand
You know whut? Hoomins are weird.

I am nod typin dis to be specieist, I'm jus typin id cos id is troo.

Frumma Bunny Perspektib, Hoomins don mak a whole lotta sense.

Wet me run dis hextample past you an see whut you fink.

Wet's say dat you are Nod Intellygent, wike Babby George heer, an you need to wearn sumfing.

Now dere is nuffink wronk wif bein Nod Intellygent. Ebberybun stawts oud dis way. Nobun is borned knowin ebberyfing dat I know, or dat Hunny knows. We hab libbed a wong time an wearned a wotta fings. Our job is to pass downna stuff dat we hab wearned.

You wif me so far?

Gud.

Now, dere is nuffin wronk wif bein Nod Intellygint, as I typed. Id happins. Id is pawtta Wife.

If you are a bunny, you godda wisten to bunnies wike Hunny an me.

If you are Hoomin, you kin go toa Skool where you kin wearn to become Intellygint. Dey tell you fings dere, an you ged Home-Werk where you kin praktis da stuff dey told you aboud.

So dis seems to me wike a gud deal. For bunnies, we don ged Home-Werk. We hab to 'sperience stuff da Hard Way a wotta times, speshully if a bun don wisten to me.

An if you are nod careful, 'speriencin stuff da Hard Way kin ged you killed.

I habbin't herd ob ennybun geddin killed by Home-Werk.

So.

Dere issa guy where my Dadda werks, an he doesn't know alla stuff my Dadda knows. He is Nod Intellygint, bud dat's hokay. Intellygince can be wearned. You are 'spected to wearn.

Bud dis guy god upsed an angree abouddit.

Well, dat's stoopid, becos nobun kin know ebberyfing.

An so dis guy was berry nasty to Dadda cos Dadda knew fings dat dis guy didn't. Dadda called it "envy".

Bunnies don god dat "Envy" fing, whutebber id is. If we dunno sumfing, we axt.

So ennyways, dis guy geds himself sent toda Skool to wearn sumfing dat Dadda alreddy knows aboud. Fair enuf. Id will help dis guy to become Intellygint.

Budda guy geds Home-Werk.

An he wantsta mak Dadda DO IT FOR HIM.

Whut? Whut's da point ob dis guy goin toda Skool to wearn sumfing if da onwy way he kin wearn id ista doda HomeWerk, bud he's gonna ged sumbun else to doda Home-Werk FOR him? Dadda don nedda doda Home-Werk, cos he's alreddy done it. Dis guy NEEDS to do id, bud he wants sumbun else to doit FOR him.

He is nebber gonna ged Intellygint. Pwobably cos he don wanna. Which is Stoopid.

So now Dadda is angree. He an Maman hadda wong tawk boud "ethiks" an "honour" an "troof" an "honestee". An Dadda sed he hadda wook at his own face inna mirror when he shabbed. I guess so, cos he issn't shabbin ennybunny else's face. An he sed dat he can't pud up wif alla personal insults, lies, harrassmint, threats an disrespeck no more. Cobberin up an back-stabbin is nod his way.

An Dadda sed: You eidder say you can do sumfing or you say why you can't. You don cheat da man what hired you, or pway him fora fool. An you don tell stowies an be rood, an you can't be habbin wif dem as does.

An Dadda also sed he's tired ob dwessin up wike a rag-bag ebbery mawnin jus cos da rest obb'em inna office do. He was raised to wear a collar an tie wike da profwesshunal he is, dammnitall. Golf-shirts be-dammed! Dey bewong onna golf-course, nod inna office!

We was almost singin "Rool Britannya", wemmie tell you.

So heer we go agin aroun heer. I can't ebben be sik in peace. At weast I'm geddin my salad.

Bud hoomins are berry weird.

Posted by Our Warren at 10:44 AM EDT
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