You know, habbin Babby aroun is geddin to be wun ob "Dose" fings. I'd fortygotted whut it was wike, waitin fora babby to ged Intellygint. Bud dis is wike a chronic twain wreck dat just keeps on happinin - da engins hab alweddy met an da cars just keep on collwidin inna nebber-endin wine, wun rite afta anudder.
Babby isn't stoopid, it's just dat he issn Intellygint yet. It's cos he'ssa babby. We just habba wait it oud.
Furst fing Maman an Dadda noticed aboud dis kid was dat he didn't know whutta "tweat" was. Dey offered him carrots, appuls, papaya tablets, Craisins, nanners, an ebberyfing else dat Maman calls "junk food" which da rest ob us lub, an he jus wooked all perplexed an suspishus addid. An weft it wyin onna floor - which issa waste obba perfectwy good tweat dat ennywun obba rest ob us wuld lub to hab, bud wasn't offered, you know? (An don gedda idea datta bunny is ebber "too full" to scarf down dat wun extry mouf-ful, cos we aren't.)
So rite away, cos da Babby doesn't know whutta tweat is, he's god Maman feelin sowwy for him.
Poor depribed widdle bunny, hasn't nebber seed a tweat! Poor widdle bunny-boy! Wet's offer him wots!
An she does.
Well, hokay, I'm all for sharin an it's nod wike we don't hab it to share. Bud dis gibbin is nod goin to make Babby Intellygint. Dis is jus gonna make him spoilt.
Den Maman finks datta Babby wooks bored.
Well, I gots dis wun werked oud. Dis Babby issa babby an babbys don know much, so ob course dey are bored. Until dey become Intellygint an kin habba blog an all, dey is bound to be bored.
Bud Maman is big innu keepin ebberybun amused. So she goes toda store an now da Babby hassa habbytat fulla toys.
We still god our reg'lar toys, an onwy Missy geds her rotated onna weekwy basis, cos Maman is 'fraid ob Missy geddin bored.
Newsflash to Maman: Missy is now Intellygint. She's god alla toys memorized, so dey are nodda surprize ebbery week when you switch dem off.
So wast nite, we god our salads an our witter-boxes changed an Maman was inna bafroom pwace habbin fun wif wadder an Beebe stawts to thump. Den Missy thumps.
Bud Maman can't hear ennyfing cos she's innu da wadder.
Den dere issa crash anna WOTTA thumpin goin on. Inkloodin me. An when I thump, Maman AN Dadda wistins.
So Dadda comes chargin frumma bedroom in his unnerwear, an heer comes Maman smellin wike a hextploshun inna herb faktory - all honey, almonds, mints an aloe. (Stuff on her face, her hands, teef an Hebbin knows where else...)
An da wight snaps on...
An when our eyes adjust toda hunnert-watt artyfishul daywight obba wight, an we aren't all bwind ennymore, dere's Babby, twyin his best to fit six pounds ob bunny fru a free-inch hole innu Missy's habbytat.
An dere's Missy, wif her butt inna corner, wookin fora way oud da udder end.
An Maman squeeks, "George!" (Cos she finks dat's Babby's name.)
An Babby is wike, "Oh good Lord, where am I?"
An Missy is wike, "Oh good Lord, let me out!"
An I'm wike, "Sumbunny gedda idiots sorted oud cos I wanna go to sleep!"
An Hunny is ober on his hay-pile wike, "Huh?"
An Beebe an Mouse are struttin, cos dere wike dat an Clover has da same 'pinion dat I do.
Whut had happined was datta Babby jumped outta his habbytat an falled onna floor. Which issn all dat easy, cossa sides obba habbytat are preddy high - 24 inches, Dadda says. Preddy good for a standin leap, bud Missy's dun it bifore.
So onct Babby had gotted oud, an Maman an Dadda comed poundin forda door, an turned onna wight an blinded ebberywun, Babby panicked, god himself turned aroun an twied to ged inna habbytat wif Missy outta sheer desparatshun.
So Maman piked him up an set him down in his own habbytat an Dadda godda piece ob wattice an pud id onna toppa Babby's habbytat so he wuld "Stay Pud" durin da nite.
An he did.
Cos you onwy do fings wike dat wunce an den you wearn, and dat's how you become Intellygint.
Bud dis waidin for Babby to gwow Intellygint is geddin on my nerbs.