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Monday, 10 May 2004
Day Firteen / 4th Strand
You know, SA, you are rite aboud bunnies geddin oud an innu your space. Dis happins heer, too, an it shuldn't.

I mean, as Top Bun, I shuld be allowed oud. Dat's my job, to wook innu ebberyfing an see dat ebberybun is hokay an has god ebberyfing dat dey need alla time, bud nobun is sposed to be in my Habbytat, checkin oud my stuff.

Bud'da udderday, don'cha know, Missy-Bun was in heer. She was jus bisitin, bud dat'issn da point, she was heer an I was a widdle, well, you know, s'sprised to see her sittin in my pooty-box. She didn' stay wong, she jus kinda hopped in, hadda wook at my stuff an hopped on oud, but itssa princypul obba fing: as Top Bun, I do dat to udders, dey don do dat to me.

Well, at weast now I know whutta "Home Inbashun" is, ennyway.

I keep seein dis pop-up ad onna Werld Wide Web dat says to "Hit Da Evil Kangaroo". Whut is wrong wif dees hoomins what makes up dees ads? Don dey know dat dere ARE NO EVIL ANNYMALS? Evil is sumfing dat onwy hoomins hab. Annymals don hab it. Ebben annymals I don wike, dat prey on rabbits aren't evil - dey are jus predytors, doin whut dey were designed to do - namely eat. Dat dey happin to eat rabbits is sumfing obba design flaw dat I don fink was intenshunal. I fink it was sumfing dat happined when da Hoomins god us all frown outta Da Original Garden.

See, I fink dat Originally, alla annymals were designed to ged awong wiffoud eating each udder. Den Hoomins screwed up onna'count ob lissening to Evil an wantin to be wike God. So when dat happined, Evil god innu da werld an screwed up ebberyfing, incloodin relashunships among alla annymals. Berry soon, dere were predytors an prey. We rabbits ended up as Prey.

Not good.

Bud dis doesn' mean datta predytors are evil. It jus means dat dis is how dey turned oud. It's not a choice dat dey made. Not wike sum owl waked up wun mornin an sed: "Hmmmm, I fink tiday I will bekom a carnyvor." Id issn' wike dat.

I don wake up inna mornin an fink, "Hey, I fink tiday I will be a prey annymal."

We don gedda choose.

But hoomins choose to be good or evil alla time. Ebbery choice dat dey make can be wun dat hurts or helps.

By choosin to type in a banner sayin to "Defeet da Evil Kangaroo" onna 'puter, no hoomin is helpin ennywun. Stoopid choice, hello evil.

Most evil fings stawt oud as stoopid ideas, you'll notice, an pwogwess frum dere.

By da way, ditch da diet pills an habba salad. I hab finally figgered it oud - fordyged alla addytibs anna supplymints inna diet. Fordyged alla "fordyfied foods" wif alla chemikals. Nebber mind eatin alla pills dat are sposed to promote dis or dat, wike annyoxydints an stuff, just buy more salad.

Dis is whut I'm twyin to tell Maman - BUY MORE SALAD! We don needa Green Bag an alla dat stuff. Dat way to stay away frumma V-E-T is to eat whut bunnies is sposed to eat - salad an hay. An tweats. Godda hab tweats, but den, bunnies hab tweats ennyway - carrots, appuls, an I'm sure dere issa papaya tablet tree sumwheres, just wike dere are Craisin bogs an Raisin vines inna wild. Udderwise, dey couldn't ged innu da boxes inna stores.

Ennyway, da fing is, EAT MORE SALAD. 'Speshully Spring Mix. Berry good stuff. Hab sum. You'll wike it.

Posted by Our Warren at 9:45 AM EDT
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