Now Playing: Not Yer Basic Bunny
Topic: The Third Gennyrayshun
So, like, here's da fing: George always sat on Maman's lap and read the morning Noos wif her.
Seems great, huh? Yeah. Well, let me let'cha in onna liddle sekret: she petted his ears and he went to sleep!
Because basically, The Noos isn't that inner-restin'. It is preddy much All-Hoomin, alla-time (and I'm even talkin' aboutta "Daily Mail Online" which is about as hextcitin' as it gets, whut wif stories just tossed up there, the-more-the-merrier style). Ya got'cher murder, yer mayham, yer basic inhoomanity; wars breakin' out here, sum nut-job passin' out rocket-launchers there and pictures of breasts. (I thought all humans had breasts, sum werkin', sum inoperative and sum used to almost hold up "dresses", so whut's up wif that?) It's all the same tired old stuff with dif'frunt headlines on top.
So ennyways, Maman thought I was gonna be a lap-bunny like George, but wow, you know, I am waaaaaaay too bizzy for that!
For one fing, she has pockits in her bafrobe! And there's stuff inn'em! Well, the onliest way to discover stuff is to go lookin' for it. If you don't look, you won't find - and if you don't find, well, you could end up missing a meal. (I am NOT stoopit!)
So I taked the Smart Opshun and began lookin' in her pockits. I could only get my hed in, which was kind of a disappointment, because it meant I could get my hed in, but backing out required a LOT of scrabblin' around, which apparently was "disruptive". Whuteva!
So I got told to "Sit still".
That's not in my hextensive vocabulary of "Unner'stood Werds". It's onna nudder list, right there next to "Begud" and "Stopdat" unner the headin', "Werds Wifout Meanings".
So I sitted on her lap and tried lookin' atta Noos again. But, like I said, it's so hoomin-centric! Like I care! No wonder George went to sleep - now there was wun smart bunny! He lifted an ear when Maman sed sumfing and was quick enough to pick up on her tone, so of course she thought he was agreeing wif her!
He also told me she shared sumfing called "breakfast" that was sort of treat-like, but she hadda liddle accident lastest week in alla rain and damaged a rib or sumfing and so she doesn't "feel like eatin'" - which sucks frum my point-ob-view. I mean, I'm still hungry even if she isn't, ya know? But that's Maman all over - other hoomins "comfort eat" when they are upset. She does the opposit! Figgers!
So ennyways, I got bored and tried to have a look inna udder pocket. Yeah and I almost got stuck in there, too. Seems my butt might be bigger than I thought. Then I tried lookin' atta Noos again, but - What A BORE!
Haven't hoomins noticed yet whut bunnies have allus known? DON'T ACT STOOPIT! If sumfing looks like it's gonna get dangerous - RUN AWAY! Running away has saved more lives than fighting! In fact, the faster you can run away, usually the safer you are, so practice running away.
Do not mess wif GUNS. They want to be shot. That's why they exist. Unless you unner'stand 'em, leave them alone cos they are not for YOU!
And teach dis rilly basic stuff to kits because they are not born 'Tellygint. They only get 'Tellygint frum watchin' you and if you are NOT actin' 'Tellygint to begin wif... guess whut?
So I looked in Maman's cup, but it only had coffee (yuck). Then I was gonna hextplore her desk, but she called me a "wiggle-worm" and carried me back out to my habbytat. (sulk)
But she did put in a nice salad: sum microgreens, sum basil, two bits of carrot anna slice of appul.
Then she looked at me, sighed and said, "So I guess yer not gonna be yer 'basic bunny'."
And I looked up for a sekond (cos I had my mouf full and was busy chewin') and gived her a wink.
Nope, not yer Basic Bunny at all!
Frum yer friend at Our Warren, Dusty =:3