Now Playing: So This Morning
So this morning, I was sitting onna Futon in Maman's Study and Missy was walking around the edges obba room, making sure alla Our Hext'scape Routes were clear of Vines And Rocks...
Now Maman says there are no Vines and Rocks in her Study, that alla things that Missy says are Vines are "rilly" 'Puter Power Cabulls and 'Lektrick Lines, and alla fings Missy calls Rocks are "rilly" Buks...
But Missy says alla that's Not Troo! And even if it Was Troo - which it issn't - Missy would still have to clear alla that stuff outta the way fromma sides obba room along the walls, onna'count obba Fakt wunna The Most Important Rools for Living Inna Unnerground Warren is that you Have To Keep Alla Tunnels and Hext'scape Routes Clear of Things You Might Fall Over Inna'Mergency! Because when you are running for your life, you can't take the time to worry about fings that might make you trip and fall over - so it is Important for Wun Bunny to Always Make Sure that alla Hext-scape Routes, alla'round enny room or burrow, are clean and clear!
Which was Whut Missy Was Doing This Morning.
And I was sitting onna futon, keeping an eye on Our Terrytory and helping Maman read the Morning Noospapers - which is Whut I Do.
So along comes Cokie-the-Fat-Cat. And he's been in Dadda's Office nextest door with Beep-the-Udder-Cat (even though Dadda is off werking At Werk), not doing ennyfing, which is Pretty Much Whut Catz Do Alla Time, Ennyways. They are famous for their abilities in that departmint.
So Cokie sits down nextest to Maman's chair and starts to chirp.
And Maman says (in her "Lookit-the-cute-kitty" voice), "So whuttsamatta with Maman's baby-cat?"
Which issa rilly dumb fing to say to 39 lbs. of lazy, smelly Maine Coon male cat, but there-you-are. Maman says its important to love everybun just-as-they-are, inklooding catz. Sumtimes, though, it goes a bit better if you squint your eyes, close your nostrils and fold your ears down tight.
And Cokie starts purring, because that's been part of his Cute since Dadda called him a "Fat Furry-Purry" and Maman thought that wassa "Cutest fing she'd every heard!" (so you know she doesn't get out much).
So Maman says to Cokie, "Is something the matter?"
And Missy stops shuffling along the walls long enough to wrinkle up her nose and call over, "Yeah. The cat stinks! Can't you give him a baf or send him to Da Spa or sumfing?"
And Cokie looks up at Maman and goes, "Yerowlp"
Just like that.
Well, Maman doesn't speak "Feline." Few people do and Maman isn't wun of them. So she leans over and hassa look atta Kitty Chow Area (which issa nice orange tray with three bowls onnit - and I do mean that tray is orange! Onna rose-coloured oriental rug, there is no way you can miss this tray! It sticks out like a pootie inna pancake.)
And Maman says, "Well, there's food in your bowl, Cokie."
And Cokie looks up at her with great big, wide eyes and says, "Yerowlp!" again, wif feeling.
And Maman's puzzled, so she looks at me.
Well, I don't speak Feline, either and I make a habit obbit it.
And over beside the buk-case, Missy lifts up her head again, looks towards Maman and shouts,
"Hey! Can't you smell him? It's like hare-pollution over here!"
And Maman leans over further and then looks down at Cokie and says, "Well, you've got water, too, so what's your problem, Puddy?"
And Cokie goes, "Yerlowp!"
Only more urgently - which I assume changes the goalposts in Feline.
So Maman gets up outta her chair and she says to the Cat,
"Well, show me."
So Cokie (who knows preddy good Inkwish, although he doesn't admit it) shambles off with his tail straight up like a directional plume, and Maman follows him innu Dadda's Office. And I hop down offa futon and follow along, because wherever Maman goes, there might be Treats invovled - and Missy flollows along because Missy never misses any chance there even might the be the fainest chance obba Treat..
So the kitty-Maman-houzrabbit parade comes to a halt in Dadda's Office where there's a window, then Dadda's futon (with Beep-the-Udder-Cat reclining onna back obbit) and then the BunPen that has been set up onna floor, just in front obba futon.
And there's this great, big, wide swatch of SunShine, beaming inna window, flowing down over Dadda's futon (with Beep reclining onna back obbit) and that just about fills the whole BunPen with bright sunbeams, so that there's just a thin sliver of it spilling out onna carpet nextest to the BunPen.
And Coke sorta collapses innu the sliver of SunShine that's spilled outta the BunPen on to the carpet and lies there with his paws up inna air, and looks at Maman uppyside-down and says,
Which I take to mean, "See? Look! There's this whole great, big, wide swath of SunShine just pouring in through the window over there, and I don't fit up onna back obba futon where Beep is soaking up a lotta it (mainly because I'm too fat and will fall off) - and I can't get innu the BunPen to grab enny of what's filling up that (because there is no door), so all I can find to sit in is this tiny sliver of SunShine that doesn't even cover a third of my body! This is NOT FAIR! You're a hoomin! Fix it so I can have an Entire SunBeam! DO SOMETHING, WILL YA?"
And Maman, being Maman, is standing there in her bafrobe, and she looks atta Cokie-Cat, and she says, "So whuttawant me to do? I can't make you any skinnier!"
And Cokie kind of rolls over (which is kinda like watching cranberry sauce roll around outta the can), digs in his paws and pushes against the BunPen, and it like moves a couple of inches backward, till it smooshes against the wall.
And Missy's behind me and she's like, "Oh no! I can't be habbin' wif dat! I can't move it! That's an obstacle and it can't stay there! No. No Way!"
And Maman looks at Cokie and says, "And that's what you called me out here for - to move the BunPen for you so you could have a SunBeam?"
And Cokie says, "Yerowlp!" again, which is kind of what he said the Furst Time, when Maman didn't unnerstand him, either.
And Maman shakes her head and leads the parade back innu her Study. And Cokie hastily turns himself upright and scrambles afta us.
So Maman goes back to sitting in her chair and I axt to be lifted up to sit onna futon again (And Maman's like, "Why didn't you axt me before I sat down? Other rabbits hop, George. Why am I picking you up and setting you on the futon? Tell me - why?" And I'm finking, "Because of bunny-mind-control, but I'm not gonna tell you that, am I?")
So Cokie sits down in front of Maman again and goes, "Yerlowp?"
And Maman says, "No. I can't move the BunPen. It's too heavy. If you can't fit into any of the sunbeams up here, there are the same sunbeams coming into the LivingRoom downstairs - unless the Dawg is occupying all of them. Go down there, have a look and see if you can work something out with him. Otherwise, wait until your Father gets home and complain to him."
So Cokie-da-Fat-Cat heaved a Huge Sigh of Feline Resignation (there is none other like it, as everybun knows) and stumped off back innu Dadda's Office. Then a liddle later on, I heard him headed downnastairs, so I guess he was gonna go see iffa Dawg would ne-go-sheate with him over a patch of sunbeams inna Living Room or sumplace.
I dunno how that went. I was too busy reading the noos with Maman.
At least I know my and Missy's sunbeams are safe. They come to Our Habitat right about Aftanoon, and Cokie issn't allowed inna BunRoom onna'count obba Fakt da Dawg has this Rool about "No Catz Inna Bun Room!" and you know how Border Collies are about "rools"...
----------------------------------------- By George