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Hokay, well *that* wasn't good.
Yestidday, Phil came to visit.
Which, of itself, was Perfektly Hokay, onna'count obba Fakt that he usually does and Maman doesn't mind or ennyfing. He just arrives, sorta Fits Innu Our Warren Like He Never Left and stays for Awhile. And that doesn't bother EnnyBunny onna'count obba Fakt he is Maman's Youngest Kit, Assa Fully Grown 'Dult, Still Growin' 'Tellygint (like me).
So, No Problem There.
No, the Problem came when he Arrived Inna BunRoom and started talking to Foxie.
Now Foxie is a Very Small Bunny-Gurl. As Our Auntie Carla (who is mawmie to Norman and Riley and who owns HareWEAR) pointed out, she is more like the Size Obba Very Large Hamster than a Very Small Rabbit.
And *This* is onna'count obba Fakt that the Evil Industrial Br**d*rs for Mega-Pet-Retail stores like some Petco stores and the like, have decided that they are going to take part in selling Bunnies at Easter.
As you know, we here at Our Warren are strongly opposed to the Selling of REAL BUNNIES at Easter!
HouzRabbits all over the Werld have spoken, and candy rabbits are ALWAYS preferred to REAL BUNNIES as Easter gifts!
Please click on our link here and go to the Make Mine Chocolate web-site to find out how you can help spread the werd that "Easter Is No Fun for a REAL Bun!".
Buy a tee-shirt and wear it proudly! Buy a button and wear it to a board meeting! You will be sus'prised how menny people you will inform, how menny lives you will touch, and how menny Bunnies you will save.
Because there are companies that make "Board-Room-Level Decisions" to treat Bunnies as "stock", like hand-soap or seasonal ornaments, and they ask Questions like, "How can we make this 'product' more appealing to our Target Purchaser?" And then they do stoopit "market studies" that indicate their "subjecks" like *small* bunnies onna'count obba Fakt that their "subjecks" are little children, whose parents *fink* Small Bunnies will make better pets because they look more like toys than REAL LIVE BUNNIES!
But atta same time, these "Board-Level-Retailers" just want a cheap commodity that can be easily kept, with a low over-head, with an attractive inventory, at a reasonable price, that can be ordered all at once. Very tiny bunnies fill that bill also. Having them be babbies issa "good" idea for them (and only them!) because the baby bunnies will be docile and easy to handle and can be kept in large groups that won't fight or damage each udder.
And Babby Bunnies come with an over-abundance of Cute, alreaddy!
A Retailer's Dream! And a Hundred-Thousand Tiny Bunnies' Nightmare-Journey to Hell...!
Because the Retail Pet Stores go to Industrial Br**d*rs and AXT them for Tiny Baby Bunnies!
Never ONCE thinking about the Tiny Little BUNNY LIVES they will sell to any hoomin with munny in their hand!
Which is why we are so Opposed to Pet Shops selling bunnies at Easter.
Because hoomins buy little baby bunnies, and then they keep them for just *so long* and then get "tired of them" and throw them away.
This is the Sad TRUTH of Easter Bunnies!
So the Horrible Industrial Br**d*rs, who have no consciousness, fill the orders frum the Retail Stores for Cute Baby Bunnies. And they deliberatly TRY to br**d the tiniest, cutest BUNNIES. They cross teeny white Netherland Dwarf bunny-gurls with smart, sassy English Spot bunny-boys, then cross the tiniest sons and daughters to get even tinier babies!
Like Our Foxie.
Our precious little "Teacup Spot" who is not a "Noo Breed" of Bunny, but a sad little inbred cross, no bigger than a gimmie-pig, very hard to spay, very tiny for Our Dr Sharin to care for, very delicate to handle, and too much *work* for the stoopit people who bought her assa "Easter Boy-Toy". They misnamed her "Lightning", didn't learn Ennyfing about having a HouzRabbit, and then decided, "Well, let's have ferrets."
So there was no room in their hearts for Foxie, ennymore and they wanted sumbunny to take her off their hands.
So now Foxie lives here at Our Warren, and is Living Assa Urban HouzRabbit.
So Phil came and was making a Fuss Over Her and she was making Doe Eyes at Him, so he decided to Pick Her Up.
Well, across frum Fox is Mr Mouse. And Mr Mouse is used to Waking Up With Dadda every morning and going Uppystairs on Dadda's shoulder to Go To Werk. This is onna'count obba Fakt that Mouse issa CBO or sumfing (Chief Bunny Officer) of sumfing called Lagomorphin Enterprises that Missy says she owns.
Dadda was *rilly* bizzy yestiday, so he told Mouse that he wasn't going Uppystairs toda Office, but was going straight to sumfing called Sertyfied and he Would Be Back for Mouse's Playtime, Later.
And Mouse was 'Nnoyed About That onna'count obba Fakt that Mouse doesn't *do* "Later". He does "Now" and "Soonest" and "You don't Ignore Mouse."
So While Dadda was gone, Phil arrived and started playing with Foxie.
And he let her out and let her climb up on his shoulder!
Well, just as soon as Foxie's little Head appeared over Phil's shoulder, and she took a look down at Mouse in his habbytat.
And Mouse was, like, "HEY!"
And Foxie was like, "Lookit me!"
And Mouse was *rilly* 'Nnoyed so he grunted at Phil, "HEY! STOOPIT!"
And Phil turned to Maman and was like, "Hey Ma! Look at Mouse. I think he's angry or something because I have the little Princess out."
And he stood up and there's Foxie, riding high on his shoulder, way above Mouse's head. (onna'count obba Fakt Phil is rilly tall!).
And Foxie was not making it easy on Mouse, eidder, lemme tell you! Onna'count obba Fakt she was hanging on to Phil's collar with both little white paws and laughing at Mouse who was down in his habbytat, grunting and tossing bits of hay inna air.
And Missy turned to me and was like, "Hoo-boy. Dis can't be good."
And I flipped my ears around in agreemint, onna'count obba Fakt I was agreeing with her, but there was nothing *I* could do about'it frum over where I was in Missy-and-my habbytat.
And, of course, Dusty wasn't paying enny 'tenshin at all, onna'count obba Fakt he was stuck on dancing in circles buzzing, "Pet-the-Bunny-Pet-the-Bunny-Pet-the-Bunny-Pet-the-Bunny-Pet-the-Bunny!" over and over again like some kinda recording loop.
So Maman said to Phil, "I think you'd better either put her down or go somewhere else before Mouse explodes from sheer envy."
And Phil was petting Foxie and Foxie was loving it and they went on like that for awhile, and Phil said to Maman, "Mouse is gonna have to get used to it."
And Maman was like, "Mouse doesn't 'get used' to ennything. Mouse just gets even."
And Phil laughed - and you know, this is allus dumb! - but he did it ennyways - and then he said to Maman, "And whut's he gonna do about it?"
And he even turned to Mouse, who was sitting there, all hunched up and Glaring Disapproving Rabbit Looks at Phil, and he said,
"Whutcha gonna do about, Tough Guy? Huh? I got your chick, and what are you gonna do about it? You sum big tough Marine? Come on, Short Stuff. Show me whut'cha got."
Which is prob'ly how guys who usta be inna Navy talk, but it isn't how you talk to Mr Mouse.
So Mouse turned around and gave Phil the RBB, and then looked over his shoulder, just to make sure that Phil saw him doing it.
And the RBB is the Worst Insult There Is in Lagomorphin. It means, literally, "I tun my back on you - you are not even worth being considered a threat that must be monitored." or, less politely, it is the Lagomorphic version of "The Bird".
And Maman saw Mouse do this and she just shook her head.
And Foxie saw Mouse do this to Phil and she giggled!
And Missy said to me, "Well, that's done it. I wonder where the Fat-Cat is? He's usually around when the pooties are about to fly."
And I didn't say ennyfing because, you know, Whut's the Point? I just went to Occupy the High Ground and Stay Outta the Way, lemme tell you!
So, finally, Phil said to Foxie, "That's enuf, little Princess." and let her go back innu her habbytat.
And then Phil went off with Maman. And for awhile it was preddy quiet in Our Warren, but I am not Stoopit; Mouse was just getting geared up.
Then I heard Maman and Phil coming Downnastairs wiffa Dawg close behind them. Anna Dawg came through innu the BunRoom, and of course he stuck his Border-Collie nose innu Mouse's habbytat and said cheerfully, "Howyadoin' BunnyRabbit? I'm onna way out On Patrol.", and snorted dawg-snot all over Mouse's hay, which issa dawg-way of being sociable.
That is totally unacceptable to Rabbits.
And then right behind Da Dawg came Maman, and Dusty started running in circles yelling, "Pet-the-Bunny-Pet-the-Bunny-Pet-the-Bunny!" and this time, *IT WERKED!* Maman stopped and petted Dusty - who went innu an immediate swoon ob Total Bliss.
And Mouse grunted, "THAT DOES IT!" and dove straight innu his pootie-box and started digging furiously with his frunt paws.
Well, for the Furst Fing, Mouse-in-his-habbytat is about on eye-level with the Dawg. For the Sekond Fing, Mouse's habbytat is Direktly Across Frum Dusty. And forda Third Fing, Mouse's habbytat is onna 'Zactly the Same Level as Dusty. And Maman was standing right between Mouse and Dusty anna Dawg was right beside her..
And the pooties literally began to F-L-Y across the room.
I mean, we're talking a hail of pooties.
And Da Dawg was like, "Hey!" and he was trying to cringe and somehow make there be Less Dawg assa Target.
And Maman was like "Mouse!" and she was holding up her hands like shields.
And there were even more pooties flying outta Mouse's habbytat and he was digging like he was onna way to China.
And Phil, who was standingi nna doorway, and not inna direct line-of-fire was like, "Whoa!"
And Dusty suddinly popped outta his trance and realised that he's being showered with pooties. And Dusty, who is not too Quick Onna Uptake, was like, "Whutdaheck? Pooties? Hey, Mouse..." and then he started running in circles again, trying to get outta the way.
And pretty soon, Mouse's pootie-box was empty.
And the BunRoom floor was covered with pooties, hay, and lotsa pellets of Yestiday's Noos.
And Maman, slowly put down her hands, and started brushing out the ends of hair, and a few pooties fell out on to the floor. And she looked at Phil, standing inna doorway and she said,
"You hadda go and challenge him, didn't you."
And Phil was like, "Hey, not my fault! I learned in the Navy that sh*t rolls down-hill, but, ya know, this is the first time I've ever seen it actually get off the ground!"
------------------------------------- By George