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Tuesday, 5 February 2008
George's 2008 Second Strand: Day Number 5
Now Playing: Uh Oh

 

Hokay...

This is NOT the day to bother Maman.

It just issn't, lemme tell you!

And I know this onna'count obba Fakt that udder hoomins have been Trying It On all day tiday. And Maman was telling Alla Us Togedder that if they keep Trying It On, she was "like to getta baseball-bat and beat a few heads in."

And I was like, "Whoa."

Anna Dawg, who is prob'ly In Charge of the Collective Brain Cell onna'count obba Fakt that Cokie-the-Fat-Cat had it yestidday, heard the werd "ball" and went off to his Toy Basket to get wunna his.

And the wun he brought to Maman was the Wun Wiffa Squeeky Innit, which Maman says issa Most 'Nnoying Ball inna whole Dawg Toy Basket. So Da Dawg was standing there inna Kitchin, and he's bizzy munching ona Ball Wiffa Squeeky Innit so that it is making it's 'Nnoying Noise.

Which is Not A Good Idea when there is alreddy wadder leaking outta Maman's eyes and she's stnding there beside Our Habbytat, biting on her lip.

And she turns onna Dawg and yells, "Not now, Marc!"

Anna Dawg stops Munching Onna Ball, and looks at her and he's like, "Whoa. Whut'd I do?"

And Missy looks atta Dawg frumm Occupying the High Ground of Our Pootie-box and says to him, "Well, now you've done it."

Anna Dawg looks at Missy and whoofs, "Whut?" around his mouthful of ball.

And because Da Dawg has just whoofed, Maman looks at him and is like, "Don't you talk back to me, stoopit Dawg! I said 'No!' Now go put that away!"

But she didn't tell him Where To Put the Ball. She just said "away" and let it go at that.

Well, everybunny knows, when you're talking to a Border-Collie, you have to give them Complete Jobs, not sorta half-way jobs, onna'count obba Fakt that they are Easily Confoozled. And when they are confoozled, they just Stand There, waiting for The Whole Job to be told to them, not just part.

So, of course, Da Dawg is standing there, all Puzzled-Like, waiting for Maman to Come Up With the Rest of His Job. But she's Upset, so she doesn't say Ennyfing Else. So he's waiting and finking over Whut She Said, and looking to see if he can find The Rest Obba Job in Whut She Said - and he can't - but while he's finking over whut he's just herd Maman say, he absent-mindedly starts chewing on Whut He Has In His Mouth - anna Squeeky inna ball starts squeeking.

And Mouse is like, "Uh oh."

But it's too late and Maman smacks her hand Uppa'gainst the Salad Bank and screams for Dadda.

And Dadda's voice comes frum Uppystairs, "Inna minit, dear."

And Maman leans onna Salad Bank, looks at me and says, "I swear, George, there are days when I feel like I'm invisible!"

Only the way she says "Invisible" sounds like, "In-vizzy-ball", est'peshully if you're Da Dawg and sorta hard-wired to just hear the werd "ball" every time it comes up all over the Whole Wide Werld..

So Da Dawg whoofs up, all hopeful-like, "Ball?"

And Maman just looks at him, with that perfectly level, dead-eye stare and says with that *rilly, rilly* Bad Kinda Calm,

"No."

Anna Dawg sits down and he's got this sorta hunted, werried look on that Border-Collies get when they are skert they've done sumfing *rilly* wrong. And onna'count obba Fakt that he's feeling less-then-secure, he give the Ball an anxious little chew.

Anna ball squeeks.

And Maman, like, closes her eyes, and her lips move, but no sounds come out. Then she turns her back onna Dawg, and that makes his ears go down, and his eyebrows pull togedder wif werry, and Maman leans over Our Habbytat and starts to Pet me.

And I'm finking, "Oh great. Now his Feelings Are Hurt." Because you can't help but feel sorry for sumbun as Klooless Assa Dawg, who only wanted to Go Out Inna Gardin and Play Wiffa Ball, even though It Is Raining. It's Not His Fault that only HouzRabbits Grow 'Tellygint while almost every Udder Creature inna Universe Merely Grows Old.

But it is not *rilly* Maman's Fault that she is Upset, either, onna'count obba Fakt that Everybunny Needs Her Alla'Time Sumtimes.

So ennyways...

I'm getting Petted. Which is great - hext'cept Missy comes bounding Offa High Ground, barrels across the Habbytat, and skids around so that she ends up with her bum slamming innu mine and her head unner'neaf of Maman's hand.

And I'm like, "Hey!"

And I snuggle her head the udder way so that I'M unner'neaf of Maman's hand.

So we're petty-pushing back-and-forth for a minute, until Maman opens her hand out wide and we both get head-rubs.

You have to take responsibility for getting your own pets around here, sumtimes!

So Maman is leaning over Our Habbytat, and Dadda arrives inna Kitchin and pops on his kettle.

And right behind him comes Cokie-da-Fat-Cat, sort of shambling around the corner of the cupboards, looking innerested.

And Cokie's like, "Issa Dawg in Trubble?"

And Mouse is like, "Not rilly."

And Cokie sits down and sighs. "I thought I heard yellin'."

And Dusty is like, "Maman is Not Happy onna'count obba Fakt that she has setta'side four hours ebbery morning to help George type his Hay Diaries alla'bout Us and then suddinly the Whole Houz is Fulla Ebberybunny anna telephone is Ringing and Not For Her, and Ebberybunny Wants Stuff, or Wants Her 'Tenshun, or sumfing."

And Foxie adds, "Anna Dawg finks she wants to play ball. Only she doesn't and he's confoozled onna'count obba Fakt she keeps saying 'ball' when she doesn't mean to."

Anna Dawg looks at Foxie and gives anudder chew on his ball. And he's like, "Did you say..."

But bifore he can finish, Cokie-Cat, puts out one, single, very sharp claw and sorta rakes it through the Dawg-tail, which kinda draws Marc to look over his shoulder atta Fat-Cat and axt him, "Oi, you. Whuttyawant?"

Anna Fat-Cat is like, "No one is talking to you, Stoopit. Shaddup."

And Da Dawg is so s'sprised, he lets the ball fall outta his mouth, and it rolls unnerneaf of Mouse's Habbytat.

And Mouse is like, "Uh oh."

Anna Fat-Cat looks over at me and goes, "See? It all comes down to being Firm But Clear with Dawgs. Maman's Whole Trubble is that she's Not Firm About Whut She Wants..."

And Mr Mouse is like, "Wait for it..."

And Missy looks at me and says, "This is gonna be good..."

And then alla'suddin, it's like sumbunny throws a switch inna Dawg's brain-cell, onna'count obba Fakt, alla His Hackles Rise, and he springs to his feets, lowers his head and lets out this HuMungEous *BARK*: "NO CATZ INNA BUNROOM!"

That practically blows Da Cokie-Cat offa his paws - because suddinly the Dawg is vigerously prodding Cokie in his posterior regions with his teeth, and Cokie is scrambling to find get-away traction onna kitchin linoleum.

And as they fly around the corner obba cupboards, heading for the Dining Room, Maman yells, "Good Lord!" and Dadda yells, "Marc, leave off!" and "Cokie!" but it's, like, too late, onna'count obba Fakt that both the Fat-Cat anna Dawg are alla'way through the Living Room and pounding Uppystairs at High Speeds.

And Dadda grabs on to Maman to keep her frum getting knocked ober, and so he's like, "You okay, dear?'

And Maman is like, "Yeah. No fanks to them."

And Dadda is like, "So whut were you saying?"

And Maman sorta looks at Dadda and then out toward me, and shakes her head.

And then she snuggles innu Dadda and says, "Dunno. Beats the hell outta me whut I was saying. Let's go 'vote' and then I'll help George do His Blog. Before ennyfing else Screws-up Around Heer."

---------------------------------------------------- By George


Posted by Our Warren at 11:11 AM EST
Updated: Tuesday, 5 February 2008 7:59 PM EST
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