Now Playing: Life Is...
Topic: The Next Generation
Belinda Bunny usta say dat: "'Life' is just wun stoopit fing happenin' afta anudder."
Dis has been a strange strand, or as hoomins call it, month. Last month we gots hardly no rain at all, and dis month we gots so much rain datta "pond" (as Dadda calls it) atta bottom obba Back Gardin is becoming a reg'lar feetschur inna life ob Our Warren. Speshually forda Border Collie Dawg.
And it's not doing da rest ob us much good eidder, lemme tell you.
Maman sed if he brings his wet, muddy feets innu her clean Kitchin floor wun more time and then she doesn't finish whut she's gonna do 'bout it. I fink dat's becos she doesn't habba cloo, and she's making it up as she goes along.
Anna Dawg just wags his tail and grins, and leebs big, muddy feets-prints alla way through da Bun Room anna Kitchin and prob'ly da whole house, too, only nobun sees dem onna'count dat dere are cawpets to soak da wet off.
But da main fing is dat Maman is just as bizzy wiffa Swifter Mop as ebber.
You gots wunna dose fings? Whin Phil-da-Lad commed back fumma Naby, he was tawking aboudda "Swifter Mop" to Maman and he went and gotted her wun, cos he thought it wuld be easier for her to use than the owd bukit-an-mop.
And he was gen'rally rite, becos we hadda put up wiffa whole lot obba "Swifter Mops" comming fru da Bun Room, mostly onna'count ob Mouse who was taking the time to pee onna Dawg's hed.
It went wike dis: Whin we furst moobed innu da Noo Bun Room, Mouse was nearest da Back Door, and ebbery time datta Dawg wuld go outside toda Back Gardin, Maman or Dadda wuld opin da Back Door and let in cold air while they letted out Da Dawg. Anna same fing wuld happin whenna Dawg wanted to come back innu da house frumma Back Gardin - da Back Door wuld opin and
Well, Mouse wuld get alla these blasts ob cold air basikly up his butt, and this made him grumpier than he ushually is. And Mouse issa preddy grumpy bunny, hextcept whin he's wif Dadda.
Well, da Border Collie Dawg was too tall, and too hebby at fifty-five pounds for Mouse, who issa Netherlands Dwarf bunny who weighs alla four pounds, to take on inna Fair Contest Ob Dominance. Although I gotta tell you, Mouse is notta'fraid obba Dawg's size, but Mouse isn't nuts wike Beebe, eidder. Where Beebe will lunge and honk atta Dawg (which preddy much puzzles da heck outta Da Dawg, cos he sumtimes doesn't quite unnerstan Lagomorphin alla way), Mouse knows dat dere is a lot more to winning A Contest Ob Dominance den honking and lunging: you gotta make da udder contestant back down or at weast, stop boddering you.
So Mouse took to waiting until Da Dawg was standing rite nextest to his habbytat, waiting for Maman or Dadda to opin da Back Door, and just then, whin Da Dawg's feets were right at Mouse-lebbel, Mouse wuld reach out and nip da Dawg Feet.
And Da Dawg wuld turn aroun' and wook at whut bited him, and den, whin Da Dawg's hed was down on his lebbel, Mouse wuld exykute a quick one-eighty-degree-flip and pee onna Dawg Hed.
And dis rilly, rilly puzzled Da Dawg, cos he culdn't figger out why he was getting peed on. He didn't see dat he was doing ennyfing to Mouse, so whydaheck was he getting nipped and den peed on? And Mouse isn't da kind ob bunny dat hextsplains ennyfing. He just sits in his habbytat and glares.
So Da Dawg stopped standing byda Back Door and took to standing behind Maman or Dadda, which, in turn, puzzled da hek outta dem for quite awhile.
And den, when Maman and Dadda finally figgered out whutdaheck was going on, dey moobed Mouse innu a noo habbytat dat was aboud twenty-four inches offa floor, so he was aboud on eye-lebbel wiffa Dawg, and away frum da Back Door. So da blasts ob cold air stopped boddering Mouse and so da Dawg was preddy safe.
But Mouse issa kinda bunny who likes to stay in Praktis. So he praktised peeing onna Screen Porch Door (which was nextest to where his noo habbytat was parked).
And Maman kept cleaning that up until she got tired of that and moobed Mouse's litter-box toda udder side ob his habbytat.
So Mouse praktised onna Big White Cold Box dat was onna udder side ob his habbytat. And Maman cleaned dat up, too, and told Mouse off while she did it.
And den it was Summer anna Screen Porch Door was opin a lot, which was nice, cos Mouse was inna perfek place to be out dere alla time inna breezes anna bell-chimes dat Maman hanged up, until we all broke out in Catz.
Ebberyfing was going along great until Cokie-da-Fat-Cat discobbered dat Maman had opined da Screen Porch Door full-time, and now Cokie and Beep-da-Stoopit-Cat culd go in-an-out and sit onna Screen Proch enny time dey wanted and pretend dat they were Tough Outside Catz while staying safely inside obba Screen Porch where nuffin culd get att'em.
And ebbery time dey wint out onna Screen Porch, dey hadda violate Mouse's personal space by going unnerneaf ob his habbytat! And being Catz, dey didn't ebben axt his permission!
No! Dey just p'raded in-an-out wike dey owned da whole unnerneaf ob Mouse!
So Mouse was wike, "You know, I'm gonna nip dis inna bud, becos I can't be habbin' wif no Catz walking unnerneaf ob me wike dis."
(Yeah. Alla Us Togedder learned a LOT frum Belinda Bunny bifore she left us to go to da Rainbow Bridge. She made shure ob dat. And she also made shure whut we learned wassa whole lot more than just Bunny-Speak, lemme tell you.)
So Mouse began to wait by the frunt ob his habbytat whinebber Maman opined da Screen Porch Door.
And Maman wuld opin da Screen Porch Door and preddy soon, wunna da Catz wuld show up to go out dere onna Screen Porch.
And Mouse wuld take aim, do da one-eighty-degree-flip and pee on them as they passed unnerneaf ob his habbytat.
Well, he got bof ob da Catz rilly good, full-stream hits down each wun, so dey learned to go rilly, rilly fast unnerneaf ob his habbytat. So Mouse hadda rilly, rilly refine his tekneek, and get his aim down bedder if he was gonna discourage dem in-tirely.
Ob course, dere were da few times dat he missed his targit and den he peed onna floor. And den, Maman wuld come and see puddles, and she wuld go and getta Swifter Mop and we'd end up wif our Bun Room floor smelling ob Refreshing Citrus which stinks worse den Dadda's werk soxks, lemme tell you.
And da Dawg, who is preddy smart in sum ways, wuldn't go unnerneaf ob Mouse's habbytat, cos he knowed he'd ged peed on - but he wasn't above herding Catz inna general dirkshun obba Bun Room, eidder. Now normally, Da Dawg keeps alla Catz outta da Bun Room, but whin he seed dat Mouse was peeing on alla Catz, he began gently herding da Cats to go fru da Bun Room to get toda Screen Porch Door, becos he thought it was funny to see Mouse pee onna Catz, too.
In fact, Alla Us Togedder, hexcept da Catz, were habbin a preddy good time ob dis all fru da Summer. Anna Catz were going nuts, but dat wassa bonus becos it wasn't wike dey were being hurted by Mouse. It was more wike dey were disrespecting Mouse by invading his personal space alla time, which is sumfing dat Catz will do if you don't show dem dat you hab personal space.
And ebberyfing wuld hab been perfek, if it hadn't been forda Swifter Mops and that awful Refreshing Citrus stink.
But now it's cold agin, and so da Screen Proch Door is closed alla time. Da Dawg still goes in-and-out obba Back Door toda Gardin, but Missy and I are by da Back Door and we're up high enuf in our habbytat dat we don't get much obba cold air, so we don't care. Mouse has preddy much stopped praktising his projectile peeing becos da Screen Porch Door is shut anna Dawg is back to herding da Catz outta da Bun Room agin.
So we culd reasonably hextpect datta Swifter Mop wif its associated stink wuld go away. You fink?
And den along comes Da Dawg wif his muddy feets and back comes da Swifter Mops!
You know, Belinda Bunny rilly was right: "'Life' is just wun stoopit fing happenin' afta anudder."
---- By George