Now Playing: G'Bye Liddle Red Tool Shed
Topic: The Next Generation
Well, Dadda is attit agin.
Whin we moobed heer last December, dere wassa Liddle Red Tool Shed atta back obba Gardin. I culd see it frumma back door, and the Dawg told me it was there. He called it "Da Liddle Tool House" (cos Dawgs can't see colour) and he was preddy shure that squirrels libbed dere, so he yelled attit alot cos he doesn't go much on squirrels.
Maman called it "The Tool Shed", and Dadda called it "The Gardin Shed" and sed that it was gonna hab to come down bifore it falled on ennyboddy. Maman sed her Dadda had builded it, and it hadn't falled down inna'boud forty yeers.
And Dadda sed it wassn't fit to see forty-one.
Now Maman and Dadda hab been trying their hands at Gardining alla this Summer-long. Dere are sum rezons for this:
1. Maman has allus wanted to hab a rose gardin for where whut's left ob Hunny is buried. She calls it The Our Warren M'morial Gardin cos she promised Hunny that she wuld plant a red rose ober where he has his Final Restin Pwace (whutebber - we all know he went to the Rainbow Bridge along with Belinda and ebberybunny else.) and she wanted to hab her Grandmother's birdbath there, too. So Maman has had this idea obba Gardin in her hed fora long, long time.
2. Dadda comes frumma South-West ob sumplace called Inkland where they habba lotta farms. Dis seems to make him fink dat he NEEDS to dig inna dirt, raise hay, rake lawns and ride on traktors. Ob course there is not alla that much land going on heer, but he also wantsta habba pikit fence going alla way around Back Gardin, and out toda Frunt Gardin, acrosst the dribeway and back toda Back Gardin again, just as if he was in Inkland. And he wantsta plant bulbs inna Frunt Gardin, onna'count obba fackt dat Gardins feetchur big in his Plans, so we gotta hab wun inna Back and wun inna Frunt obba House. So dere you are. It's a cultural fing I fink.
3. And HAY. Dadda says dat Our Warren eats alotta hay. Whut he axtchually sed is: "You buggers waste more hay than you eats!" by which he meens dat Beebe and Missy do alotta dekorating with their hay as well as alotta eating obit, and that alotta their dekorations involve throwing rejected strands onna floor obba Bun Room where Beep-the-Cat picks dem up and transports them innu da Livin' Room for Maman to pick up inna Hoober so it gets clogged and Dadda hasta take it apart to fix it because Maman can't. (Bifore Dadda married her, Phil-the-Lad told him, "You nebber, ebber gib da Maman no tools or let her near ennyfind she can take apart. Take my werd onnit." And Dadda beleebs Phil-the-Lad on dis one. He's seen Maman in Akshun, using a screwdriber to bang inna nail.)
So ob course, with alla these fings in mind, Dadda decided that he hadda gedda Traktor, and gedding the Traktor meant that it had to hab a House Ob It's Own.
So Dadda ordered uppa shed forda Traktor to lib in. Dis cut down onna light coming innu da Our Warren M'morial Stained Glass Winder cos ob where da Traktor House hadda go, but dere is no stopping Dadda whin he hassa idea going on. And since da Our Warren M'morial Stained Glass Winder faces da West, we still gots plenty ob light Maman says.
Dat's her story.
Ennyways, Dadda liked dat Traktor House so much dat he ordered anudder wun to replace the Liddle Red Tool Shed atta bottom obba Gardin!
So da noo shed arrived, and Dadda lugged it innu da back Gardin where Da Border Collie Dawg hadda look attit (and peed onnit, just to be sure in case udder Dawgs came around, dat dey knew it was his.).
"Hokay," the Dawg sed as he comed back innu the house, "Dis wooks rilly bad, and smells worse, lemme tell you. Da Liddle Tool House smells wike wood, cow pats and squirrel pee, but dis fing smells wike PWASTIK and STWANGE HOOMINS and Maman won't wike dis. Woof!"
So it rained for two whole days and the noo shed stayed inna boxes inna Gardin. And then the sun commed out and Dadda went out and began taking apart the Liddle Red Tool Shed.
And he came in all hot and smelly and sed to Maman, "There are nails ebbery two inches where there only needs to be wun ebbery six inches."
And Maman sed, "When my Father built something, it was supposed to stay up - even if only the nails held it there."
Den Dadda wint out again, and there wassa lotta banging and tearing and more banging and den he commed inna'gin, and sed to Maman,
"There's huge boards where really smaller boards would have done."
And Maman sed, "Well, my Father had a way of building fings to last."
And Dadda sed, "Well,if he'd built it with treated lumber, it would have lasted forever."
And Maman sed, "Back then, he didn't know about treated lumber."
And Dadda sed, "But even creosote,"
But Maman just sort ob drifted away innu anudder room.
And den Dadda wint out again and dere was more banging and some kinda crash. I dunno - Maman was uppastairs by dat time, inna Study wiffa door closed.
So afta'while Dadda comes inna'gin, smelling worse den bifore and axts Maman to wook out atta Noo Gardin Shed.
And Maman goes out, hassa wook and I hear her say, "It's so... White. When you're used to seeing a dark red shed down there, white is rather unexpected. But it looks very neat. Very tidy. Very... I rather expected it to have a green roof, but white is nice. Very nice. And no spiders, and no squirrels and it won't rot. Very nice. And tidy. And neat."
And whin she commed back innu da house, she hadda walk through the Bun Room, but she didn't stop to tawk to us, she just wint straight through.
And Dadda put the garden tools innu da Noo Gardin Shed. And the Liddle Red Tool Shed is inna pile onna side obba fence, waiting for a dry day so Dadda can saw the bits up and bang out the nails so the Rubbish Guys will take it away. (The Rubbish guys won't take fings wif nails in.)
I fink Maman wants Dadda to hurry dat pawt along, but it's bin raining a lot and there's a pond inna back Gardin agin where the Border Collie Dawg goes splashing while he's yelling atta squirrels. Anna squirrels are all up inna trees now, cos they can't get innu the Noo Gardin Shed.
And now Dadda says that there are too many trees inna Back Gardin and sum are gonna hafta get cut down so he can put inna hay for Our Warren, and so his noo Traktor won't allus bump ober roots, but whin he tawks aboud habbing down da trees, Maman just sorta drifts away innu anudder room...
---- By George