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Wednesday, 26 October 2005
Geroge's 10th Strand, Day Numbur 26
Now Playing: Da Ultimate TeeBee Disaster
Topic: The Next Generation

Well, da Three Visiting Cats Frum Phil hab gone back to Maryland.

Dat's rite, Maman an Dadda hab their study back! So Dadda is spening more time uppystairs, werking on his bisiness, Just-in-CAD an we Bunnies hab da house preddy much to ourselves.

And ebben bedda, Cokie-da-Fat-Cat and Gidget-Beep-Beep can now hab dat stoopit litterbox upstairs. No more whirring motors inna Bun Room, no more grit onna floor, no more midnite bafroom calls and best ob all, no more stinky Cokie-da-Fat-Cat smells rising up to foul da air and make my eyes wadder!

So Our Warren is back to normal! (Or whut passes for normal, as Maman says.)

'Cept forda fackt dat Maman and Dadda aren't happy wif whut dey call Da Routien aroun' heer.

Maman says dat she an' Dadda don't ged enuf done. She says dat she and Dadda need noo schedules.

Well, I agree. We don't ged the as much Playtime as we'd like.

And Mouse, in partik'lar, says dat his TeeBee schedule is all messed up.

Mouse sed dat dere are more "Law & Order" shows onna TeeVee and he knows dat he isn't seeing alla dem. Like he sed wast nite, he knowed dat dat guy, Vincent Didnuffanose, who is on wun ob da "Law & Order" shows dat Mouse likes, is kinda "quirky" and doesn't allus get alla shows finished, but dere are more shows den Maman is letting Mouse see.

And Mouse says dat he hasn't seen the Ice-T guy for a long time, so he knows he's missing dat "Law & Order" show, too. He says he did get to see dat Chris Noth guy but the chick dey had as his pawtner's pawt was written so she seemed wike wallpaper.

So Mouse is preddy upset dat he issn' gedding to see his show as much as he shuld. He finks maybe da TeeBee isn't showing the shows, becos he know dat Maman wuld let him see dem if they were on. So mebbe da TeeBee is holding out on him.

So ennyways, Mouse would like to type a letter to "Law & Order" to tell dem to ged dere act togedder or he'll find a noo favourite show. He's likin' dat "E-Ring" show a lot cos it is hextcitin' cos da guy wiffa funny name is allus savin' the day.

Mouse says it's good to see the Good Guys win, and he says they menshun da Naby a lot and they show pickchurs ob dose big Naby ships wif da airplanes dat Phil lerned alla'bout while he was dere.

So Mouse sed he wantsta type a letter to "Law & Order", justa tell dem dat he's a rabbit stuck wiffout a TeeBee ob his own, and dat he rilly needs to hab dem send him a schedule so he can tell Maman when he needs to be out so she can set up her schedule.

But last nite we had da Ultimate TeeBee Disaster. Maman was watching da Ellebben O'Clok Noos (da wun dat has her favourite wedder-person, Glen "Hurricane" Schwartz), and whin it was over, she went to turn off the TeeBee - but it wuldn't shut off!!

She tried pokin' da buttons onna remote. Den she got up and went to da box obba TeeBee itself and poked da Big Red Button onna box's frunt.

Anna TeeBee stayed on!

It was wike it was running all on it's own and had taken ober itself! It wassn't a machine enny more, but had become a Fing Dat Was Alibe! It wanted to stay on!

So Mouse (who has nebber been skert obba TeeBee in his life) axt it to show him "Law & Order" but it didn't say nothing. It just stayed on with its voice going loud/soft, loud/soft. Like it was playing games with him. And it didn't show him enny "Law & Order" shoe, eidder, just sumfing called "Tin'ite" wif a guy wiffa big chin tellin' jokes.

We didn't laff.

So I thought I wuld try and make it show us anudder show and I called out toda TeeBee "E-Ring!" just as loud as I culd.

But the TeeBee sat dere inna Sitting Room an' when Maman thumped it onna hed, it showed da PBS channel but not wif "Sesame Steet".

No!

Dere was sum hoomins sitting around'da tabul tawkin' about "Rehab".

So I culd feel Maman gettin' skeert.

She was backin' away frumma TeeBee. She piked up Mouse, and him and me got stuffed back inna our habbytats inna Bun Room.

And ob course, da Dawg was geddin' all wound up cos he culd feel Maman gettin' skeert, but he didn't quite know whut to do aboud'dit. Dawgs isn't all dat brite sumtime. Dey know dey gotta proteck Maman, but if dey can't find sumfing to proteck her frum all dey do is dither, tear around in cirkuls, whine and peep.

So I told da Dawg, "Get Dadda! And hurry up!"

Soda Dawg, who was happy to hab sumfing to do, charged uppastairs.

But Dadda was coming downnastairs.

Dey met inna middle.

Not da bestest pwace. Dere issn't a whole lotta room onna stairs, anna Dawg hadda turn around, and Dadda hassa sore toe frum having run innu da footstool onna'count obba Fat-Cat being unner his feets.

So Dadda anna Dawg met up onna stairs anna Dawg tried to turn himself around onna same step assa wun Dadda was on.

And well, dere wassa wotta Anglo-Saxon werds dat I am not allowed to type and Dadda called da Dawg, "You daft bugger!" agin.

And Ebenchually, Dadda finds Maman back inna Sittin' Room, staring atta TeeBee like it's going to grow feets and start walking outta there enny minute, and whin it does, she's all set to scream blue murder.

Like dats gonna help ennyfing.

So Dadda hassa look atta TeeBee and discobbers dat, Maman is rite, it won't turn off, it won't change channels and it's voice-thing is very dicky.

So he goes to unplug its connecktor plug fing frumma wall.

And Maman shreeks out, "No! Don't do dat! If you unplug a teebee you can be kilt by it!"

And Dadda turns to her says, real quiet, "Whut? Whodaheck told you dat load of bullocks?"

(A "load ob bullocks" issa Inkwish way ob saying "a load ob young cows wif pooties", Maman sed, meaning sumfing preddy worfwess. I'm not sure she's rite aboud enny young cows bein' involved innit, though, becose whin Dadda says it, it sounds wike he is sayin' a diffrunt werd frum "bullocks" somehow. But Maman insists "bullocks" is whut I'm hearing.)

So ennyway, Maman is standing dere nextest to Dadda bwinkin' at him for a minit, and den she says, "I dunno. I just herd dat dere is kapassy'tors and resistors and fings dat store up huge charges ob elektricity inside ob tellyvisions dat will kill you if you touch dem. So Phil sed I shuld nebber, ebber touch dem or da cord, or ennyfing dat is inna back obba tellyvision or I culd be kilt."

And Dadda stood dere finking and den he shaked his hed.

"I fink, dear," He sead afta a moment ob deep finkin', I fink dat was Phil's way ob tellin' you to not to try and go fixing the TeeBee wiffout consultin' him furst, dear. Dere is no harm in unplugging a tellybishion. People hab bin doin' it for yeers."

And he reached down and unplugged da TeeBee.

And suddenly, it turned off.

Just wike dat. No sparks, no shocks, no smoke - nuffin. Da screen just wint dark, and dat wassa end obbit.

And Dadda told Maman as dey was gibbin' us our raisins dat electrik fings are eidder "on" or dey is "off", dat dere is no middle ground. And that when electick fings are "off", den dat's da end: dey are broke, and need to be replaced.

So now dere is gonna hab to be a noo TeeBee inna house.

And as we settled down to eat our hay, Mouse sed maybe da rezon he haddn't been seein' alla "Law & Order" shows hadda do wiffa TeeBee being bwoken, so mebbe he wuldn't hafta type enny letters to da show ennyways. And dat mebbe whin Maman and Dadda gedda noo TeeBee it will also show more ob dat "E-Ring" show, too, and atta reg'lar time, so Mouse won't hab to keep paying a'tenshun alla time toda advertizemints so he knows whin it's time to make a fuss to ged Maman to let him outta his habbytat to go watch it whin it's on.

So gedding a Noo TeeBee mite werk out reel good for our schedule. Cos den, we'll hab our dinners on time, too, 'zactly afta Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz tells Maman whut da wedder is gonna be.

----- By George

Posted by Our Warren at 11:36 AM EDT
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