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Saturday, 26 March 2005
The Easter Bunny NoBunny Wanted
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Da Hist'ry ob Our Warren - Willow, Part II
Topic: Da Lore

So heer issa rest obba story ob Willow, Da Easter Bunny NoBunny Wanted...

Wike I telled you yestidday, nobunny buyed Willow cos she was inna pet store, an she was sik, an she was kinda "strange" in dat she had dis, wike, blank wook aboud her, wike da lights were on, bud nobun was at home.

An she didn't know howta use da pootie-box, eidder.

It wasn't wike she wasn't cute. She was berry cute an' she was sweet-natchured an cuddly, wif her liddle grey face wiffa liddle white blaze onna nose, an her wide, sort ob vacant eyes. She ebben swayed a liddle when she sat still.

But none ob dat mattered to Maman or Phil-da-Lad, cos they just wanted to make sure dat she didn't become dinner for some snake or lizzerd atta Pet Shop.

Dat was rilly whut bothered Maman, datta Pet Shops who don't sell alla baby bunnies at Easter, feed da ones dat are left ober to snakes.

Ob course, if pet shops were to find out dat hoomins wouldn't gib dem munny for baby bunnies at Easter, den da stores wouldn't sell dem, an breeders wouldn't breed dem, an no baby bunnies would hab to die as snake food.

Imagine whut it is wike - your baby given away for snake food... put inna glass tank for a snake to notice, to chase, to kill and to eat.

Yeah. An dat is whut happens to baby bunnies dat are left ober afta Easter.

Nebber fortyged dat.

So Willow got taken home to Our Warren.

An Maman noticed dat her nose was stuffy. So she taked liddle Willow toda V-E-T's.

It is hard to find a good bunny V-E-T. Most v-e-t's know alla 'boud dogs an cats, bud know berry liddle aboud bunnies. Maman went to one v-e-t who said, "Whoo boy, I'm gonna habba ged out my textbuks for dis one! I habbin't seed a rabbit since Vet School!"

Well, Maman was outta dere wiffa bunny in one big hurry.

So she had found whut she called a "Reasonable" v-e-t who wasn't werld's greatest, but he was hokay, an dat's where she taked Willow.

So da V-E-T looked Willow ober and gabe her sum Baytril an Willow's snuffly nose cleared up.

Just long enuf for Maman to inny'duce her to Belinda.

An afta that, the sniffles came back.

So Willow was sort obba weird rabbit, berry calm an complaysint (means "gentle") but berry hungree (she eated ebberyfing dere wasta eat) an she did rilly big pooties all ober ebberywheres, axtcept inna pootie-box.

An Belinda didn't care.

But Maman did.

So Maman buyed a Pootie-sucker.

Now a Pootie-Sucker issa "masheen". It's big, has wheels, anna hose-nose (kinda wike a collie-dawg nose, but longer an more mobile) dat can suck up pooties faster den ennybunny can fire dem out. It also makes a wotta noise!

So Maman an Phil-da-Lad buyed one ob des Fings an bringed it home to Our Warren.

Hunny sed it was just aboud da werst fing he'd ebber seed. It was terribly, terriby noisy! Anna hose wuld chase you around, trying to suck pooties right outta your butt! You no sooner did one, den heer comed dat Pootie-Sucker in behind you an gobbled dem up. It was an awful fing to hab inna Warren, an ebberybun was skert obbit.

'Cept Willow.

As Belinda sed, Willow was too dumb to be skert ob ennyfing.

So one day, Phil-da-Lad was onna udder end obba Pootie-Sucker, an he was cleanin outta habbytats.

Well, Hunny, egged on by Maggie (as was ushually da case), lunged atta hose-nose onna Pootie-Sucker, an Heatherington, who wassa Dutch (an dey don't take no crap frum ennywun), boxed it an growled.

But Phil-da-Lad was preddy determined, speshully cos Maman had sed dat he was not goin ennywhere's until alla pooties was sucked, an dat wassa bottom-line.

So he moobed up to Belinda an Willow's habbytat an stawted to run da Pootie-Sucker aroun' in dere.

Well, Belinda was smawt enuf to moob right to da back ob her habbytat as soon as she seed it comin', but Willow just stood dere, watchin'.

An Belinda shouted out, "MOOB WILLOW!"

But Willow just blinked an sorta swayed back an forth on her feets.

So Belinda hollared again, "WILLOW! MOOB!"

An Willow just sat dere.

An Phil-da-Lad, who was oppyratin da Pootie-Sucker, said, "Willow, moob it!"

So Willow sat down, blinked an stretched out her neck towards Phil-da-Lad, wif her widdle nose goin' wike she wanted a pet, an bifore he knew whut was happinin, Willow....sniffed....da.....end....obbba... Pootie-Sucker!

Well...

You hab nebber seen ennyfing wike it!

Phil rite away starts screamin for Maman, cossa Pootie-Sucker is makin a whole new noise now that it's nose is clogged up wif Willow's nose stuck inside it. An Willow's eyes are buggin' out, an Phil's hollarin for Maman cos he can't get Willow unstuck an she's startin to deflate wike a shaggy balloon inna high-pressure chamber.

An doesn't Belinda just come boundin' up, all hextcited, cos dis is her bondmate that's doin da hextplodin, just as Maman comes flyin innu da kitchin where da buns had dere habbytats. An den it was preddy much a freeway struggle, wif Maman yellin an Phil yellin an Willow's eye gettin buggier and buggier an her geddin thinner an thinner while da Pootie-Sucker is whinin high.

So Maman finally hits da "Off" switch, anna Pootie-Sucker winds down.

An dere is silence.

Willow's nose falls outta da end obba Pootie-Sucker's hose an her eyes go back innu dere sockets.

An she takes a deep breath.

Suddenly her eyes get wide again.

It's a miracle! Forda furst time in her widdle life, Willow can breathe!

Belinda comes ober to Willow to see if she's allrite, an Willow snuffles her. An Belinda is, like, "Whutssamatta wif you?"

An Willow is wike, "I can smell you."

An Belinda is wike, "No joke. I been smellin you."

Den Willow lifts her nose innu da air an says, "I can smell Maman, an I can smell Phil-da-Lad! I can smell Maggie! An Hunny!"

An Belinda says, "Dat's nuffin, we can ALL smell Hunny. Frumma'boutta mile off."

An Hunny checks his butt an says, "Can not!"

But Willow goes on wike nobunny sed ennyfing, an s'claims, "An I can smell Heatherington, too!"

An Belinda snorts an says, "Anudder no-brainer."

Well, by dis time, Phil-da-Lad has taken da Pootie-Sucker apart, an sure enuf, rite inside da bag dere issa great, big, long string ob snot. An he shows it to Maman (it's a berry Phil-thing to do).

An Maman wooks at da snot-ball, an den wooks at Willow an shudders.

"No wonder she's snuffling ebberyfing," Says Maman. "Probably smelling things for the first time in her life!"

An so Willow wandered around forda rest obba day, snufflin ebberyfing an hextclaimin' ober all obbit, cos she had nebber smelled smells, an nebber realised datta werld hadda whole udder dimenshion.

An Maman stopped usin' da Pootie-Sucker so much afta dat, an went back to Mr Broom an Ms Mop. Cos sumtimes "Progress" issn't all it's cracked up to be, she says.

An Willow, who wassa Easter Bunny NoBunny Wanted, turned out to be very wanted at Our Warren, an libbed inna Warren for wong time, wif Belinda.

Which, as Hunny says, is rilly sumfing, when you consider to whom she was bonded.

An dat's summa da story ob Willow of Our Warren.

---------By George

Posted by Our Warren at 1:03 PM EST
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